>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." I'M HERE WITH THE WONDERFUL
JENNIFER LAWRENCE. JENNIFER, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
BEING HERE WITH ME TONIGHT. YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD THE
OPPORTUNITY TO INTERVIEW YOU A FEW TIMES, AND WHILE YOUR
WONDERFUL COMPANY, ONE OF THE WITH HAVING ONE OF THESE SHOWS
IS YOU DON'T REALLY GET TO KNOW THE PERSON THAT YOU'RE TALKING
TO BECAUSE YOU'RE OFTEN TALKING ABOUT THEIR PROJECT--
>> GETTING THEM DRUNK. >> Stephen: GETTING THEM
DRUNK. BUT I NEVER REALLY GET TO KNOW
MY GUESTS. SO WHAT WE DID HERE AT "THE LATE
SHOW"" UP IN OUR LABS, UP ON THE 14th FLOOR, MY SCIENTISTS
CAME TOGETHER WITH 15 QUESTIONS THAT WHEN ASKED REVEAL NOT ONLY
TO ME AND THE AUDIENCE BUT TO THE PERSON BEING ASKED THE
QUESTIONS WHO THEY TRULY ARE. AND I WAS WONDERING WHETHER I
COULD GIVE YOU THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT. QUESTIONERT. >> SURE. >> Stephen: THIS IS THE
COLBERT QUESTIONERT. ♪ ♪ ♪
OKAY, READY? >> UH-HUH. >> Stephen: FIRST QUESTION:
JENNIFER LAWRENCE,s WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH? >> A CUBANO. >> Stephen: OH, THAT'S NICE. NICE. <i> ( APPLAUSE )</i>
WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW
OUT? >> UHM... UHM... >> Stephen: TAKE YOUR TIME. >> WOW. UHM... WELL, ROTTEN ONIONS? <i> ( LAUGHTER ).</i> >> Stephen: SOME ROTTEN
LETTUCE? >> NO, ONIONS. I'M PICTURING MY KITCHEN ISLAND,
AND THEY COULD GO. >> Stephen: YEAH, SURE. THAT'S NOT THE MOST DARING
CHOICE. I THINK IT'S SAFE. I THINK THAT'S SAFE. I THINK IT'S A SAFE CHOICE TO
MAKE. >> I DON'T WANT TO THROW
ANYTHING ELSE AWAY. IF I HAD TO? >> Stephen: SOME PEOPLE ARE
PACK RATS. THEY KEEP TOO MUCH STUFF. >> I LIKE EVERYTHING I HAVE. >> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD. WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL? >> A MONGOOSE. NOT A MONGOOSE. >> Stephen: ARE YOU A SNAKE? WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF MONGOOSES? >> HONEY BADGER. >> Stephen: OH, THE HONEY
BADGER, SURE. THEY'RE TOUGH. >> WELL, A SHARK. SORRY. >> Stephen: YOU'RE ALL OVER
THE PLACE HERE. A SHARK? >> NO, I THINK A SHARK IS
SCARIEST. >> Stephen: SHARK IS SCARIEST. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A SHARK IN
THE WILD? HAVE YOU SEEN A SHARK IN THE
WATER? >> YEAH. >> Stephen: DO TELL? >> I WENT SHARK DIVING IN A
SHARK CAGE ONE TIME AND TRIED TO JUMP OUT BECAUSE THERE WERE
JELLYFISH IN THE SHARK CAGE. >> Stephen: SO IT WASN'T THE
SHARK. IT WAS THE JELLYFISH. SO THE JELLYFISH WERE SCARER
TAN THE SHARK. >> THAT WAS LIKE AN IMMEDIATE
OUCH! >> Stephen: DID YOU GET STUNG? >> NO, AND I DIDN'T GET EATEN. >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES? >> ORANGES. >> Stephen: MMM... >> APPLES. >> Stephen: THERE ARE NO WRONG
ANSWERS. >> ORANGES CAN BE A LITTLE BIT
MORE CONSISTENT THAN APPLES? >> Stephen: THIS IS TRUE. FAVORITE SMELL? >> UHM... FAVORITE SMELL? GOD, NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT
ONIONS. ONGUNS AND GARLIC AND BUTTER. >> Stephen: GARLIC AND BUTTER. >> ONIONS, GARLIC, AND BUTTER. >> Stephen: THAT IS GOOD. LEAST-FAVORITE SMELL? >> UHM... POOP? >> Stephen: I'M SORRY, WHAT
WAS THAT? >> MILDEW. >> Stephen: THAT'S NOT--
THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID
MOST-USED APP ON YOUR PHONE. >> OH, GOD. I HATE THE ANSWER, BUT TIKTOK. >> Stephen: OH, OKAY. DO YOU DO THE TIKTOK? >> SOME TIKTOKERS IN HERE. >> Stephen: DO YOU DO THE
TIKTOKS? >> NO, I DON'T MAKE TIKTOK S. >> Stephen: WHY NOT? >> OH, MY GOD. YOU CAN IMAGINE? OH, MY GOD. NO. >> Stephen: NO. >> NO! >> Stephen: WHY? PEOPLE WOULD WATCH. >> I KNOW! <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
>> Stephen: CATS OR DOGS? >> OH, I COULDN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN
GOD'S BABIES. >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. YOU ONLY GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN
TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT IS IT? >> UHM... UHM... I CAN'T ANSWER THAT. HOW DO YOU ANSWER THAT? >> Stephen: WHAT? CAREFULLY. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
GOD IS LISTENING. GOD IS LISTENING. >> LIKE A MIRANDA LAMBERT SONG,
PROBABLY. >> Stephen: THAT NARROWS IT
DOWN. >> LIKE "HOLDING ON TO YOU"
MIRANDA LAMBERT. >> Stephen: DOZEN. >> WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF. >> 64. >> Stephen: NO. DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
IN FIVE WORDS. >> HOPEFULLY NOT TOO SHORT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). TOO SHORT! THAT'S SO POETIC! >> Stephen: JENNIFER LAWRENCE,
EVERYBODY. YOU ARE KNOWN. THANK YOU, JENNIFER. <i> ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )</i>
>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
