♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK TO OUR
"COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE" EXTRAVAGANZ-ERT. I HOPE YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING
ALONG AT HOME TO FIND OUT IF YOU'RE MORE OF A TOM HANKS OR A
MERYLL STREEP. AND IF IT TURNS OUT YOU'RE
EITHER ONE OF THEM, COME BACK ON MY SHOW! I'M A HUGE FAN. NEXT UP: THE ONE, AND PRESUMABLY
ONLY, GEORGE CLOONEY. GEORGE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
BEING HERE, ALWAYS A PLEASURE, SECOND TIME I'VE HAD YOU IN SIX
YEARS. THE PACE IS REALLY PICKING UP. I RARELY GET TO TALK WITH YOU. AND IN TV INTERVIEWS, IT'S
SOMETIMES HARD TO GET TO THE CORE OF A GUEST IN A SHORT
PERIOD OF TIME. BUT, OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S MY JOB. SO WHAT WE'VE DEVISED HERE AT
THE SHOW IS A WAY TO GET THE ESSENCE OF A GUEST IN JUST 15
QUESTIONS. IT'S CALLED THE "COLBERT
QUESTIONNAIRE." GEORGE CLOONEY, ARE YOU READY TO
SIT FOR THE QUESTIONNAIRE? >> I AM, STEPHEN. I'M READY. >> Stephen: OKAY, HERE WE GO. NUMBER ONE, GEORGE CLOONEY WHAT
IS THE BEST SANDWICH? >> I LIKE A HAM SANDWICH. >> Stephen: JUST-- JUST HAM? YOU DON'T WANT--
>> OH, YOU MEAN THE WHOLE THING. HAM, LETTUCE, TOMATO, A LITTLE
MUSTARD ON IT, A LITTLE TOASTED. MAYBE A POTATO BREAD. >> Stephen: VERY SIMILAR
ANSWER TO MR. HANKS. OKAY, WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU
OWN THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW OUT? >> UHM... MY FLOWBEE, APPARENTLY. I SHOULD THROW IT OUT. >> Stephen: WUF BEEN DOING
YOUR OWN LANDSCAPING? >> FOR A WHILE NOW. >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE
SCARIEST ANIMAL, GEORGE? >> SCARIEST ANIMAL. IN THE SAFARI WORLD, WHICH I DID
FINALLY GO ON ONE OF THESE? THE HIPPO. NOBODY-- THE HIPPO IS THE ONE
THAT WILL GET YOU. >> Stephen: YEAH, THAT'S TRUE. >> THE HIPPO. >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES,
GEORGE? >> OH, APPLES. >> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, BECAUSE
YOU CAN PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON A SLICE OF APPLE. >> YOU CAN DO ANYTHING WITH AN
APPLE. YOU CAN MAKE A BONG OUT OF AN
APPLE. <i> ( LAUGHTER ).</i> >> Stephen: THANK YOU! THANK YOU! YOU KNOW--
>> TELL THAT TO YOUR KIDS. >> Stephen: I THINK IT'S WAY
TOO LATE. OKAY, HAVE YOU EVER ASKED
SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH? >> YES. MANY PEOPLE. I WAS-- GREW UP IN CINCINNATI. I WAS A HUGE CINCINNATI REDS
BASEBALL FAN. I HAVE JOHNNY BENCH'S SIGNATURE. I HAVE JOE MORGAN'S SIGNATURE. I HAVE PETE ROSE'S SIGNATURE ON
BASEBALL. >> Stephen: WOW, WOW. WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN
WE DIE, GEORGE? >> I DON'T KNOW. I WAS ALWAYS, FOR ME, NOT A
PARTICULARLY RELIGIOUS GUY. I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC, AS UPPER. AND I-- I EVENTUALLY SORT OF
MOVED AWAY FROM THAT FOR ME. NOT QUESTIONING OTHER PEOPLE'S
RELIGION, JUST QUESTIONIN MY OWN SORT OF BELIEFS. BUT AS I GET OLDER, I START
RENEGOTIATING THINGS A LITTLE BIT. AND I... AND YOU START THINKING,
WELL, MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING. ( LAUGHS )
MAYBE THERE'S A-- MAYBE THERE'S A BAR SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU CAN
JUST HANG. >> Stephen: I LIKE THAT. >> I'M RENEGOTIATING AS A AGE. >> Stephen: ANOTHER GOOD. FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE. >> FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE. THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. ALL RIGHT, LET ME THINK QUICKLY,
WHAT'S ONE I JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVE. I STILL DIG "DIEHARD AM SM BRUCE
WILLIS WAS SO GREAT IN THAT SERIES, THE FIRST ONE IN
PARTICULAR. >> Stephen: SIDE QUESTION, NOT
ON THE CARD, IS "DIE HARD" A CHRISTMAS MOVIE? >> ABSOLUTELY NOT. IT IS NOT. >> Stephen: WOW, YOU REALIZE
THAT IS A CONTROVERSIAL ANSWER. >> I KNOW. BUT IT ISN'T. >> Stephen: IT'S BEEN
ESTABLISHED IN THE CANON OF CHRISTMAS MOVIES, "DIE HARD." IF YOU GO TO NETFLIX AND SEARCH
"CHRISTMAS MOVIES" I ( BLEEP ) NOT, "DIE HARD" WILL BE ONE OF
THE ANSWERS. >> CHRISTMAS MOVIES ARE FOR THE
FAMILY TO GATHER AROUND AND CELEBRATE BEING TOGETHER AND
CELEBRATE LIFE AND, YOU KNOW, AND LOVE. "DIE HARD" SAY SPECTACULAR FILM,
AS I JUST PICKED IT AS MY ACTION FILM. BUT "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE" IS
YOUR CHRISTMAS MOVIE. >> Stephen: ARE YOU SAYING YOU
DON'T WANT TO SIT AROUND WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY WITH THE KIDS
AND GRANDMA AND WATCH HANS GRUBER FALL OFF OF NOKATOMI
PLAZA? >> I'LL TEA YOU WHY. AND THIS IS AN IMPORTANT THING. GRANDMA IS DEAD. >> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE
DIFFICULT. >> MAYBE THAT'S THE AFTERLIFE. >> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR
FAVORITE SMELL? >> UHM... I SUPPOSE WE HAVE-- WHAT'S IT
CALLED? WE HAVE A FLOWER HERE. LAVENDER. >> Stephen: OKAY. >> LAVENDER IS MY FAVORITE
SMELL. WE HAVE LAVENDER ALL AROUND THE
HOUSE. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. >> Stephen: SUPPOSE TO BE VERY
RELAXING. LEAST-FAVORITE SMELL? >> OLD LAVENDER, WHICH WAS THE
NAME OF MY FIRST DOG. LEAST-FAVORITE SMELL. WELL, LOOK, I WILL BE VERY
STRAIGHT WITH YOU. MY CHILDREN STILL WEAR NAPPIES
SOME, NOT ALL THE TIME, NOT DURING THE DAY --
>> Stephen: IN AMERICA, WE CALL THEM DIAPERS. IN ENGLAND THEY'RE NAPPIES. YOU NEED TO BE CONSISTENT,
GEORGE. >> I'M IN ENGLAND RIGHT NOW. YOU KNOW, WHEN IN ROME. AND I WILL TELL YOU, ONCE THEY
GOT ON TO SOLID FOOD, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE TO
HERE, BUT SOMETHING-- I MEAN, IT WAS SHOCKING, THAT SMELL, YOU
KNOW. >> Stephen: I KNOW THAT SMELL. EXERCISE. WORTH IT? >> ABSOLUTELY. I DO TEFER DAY. >> Stephen: OKAY. FLAT OR SPARKLING? >> SPARKLING. I LIKE A LITTLE LIFT. >> Stephen: EXACTLY. THAT'S THE RIGHT ANSWER. MOST-USED APP ON YOUR PHONE. >> MOST OF THE-USED-- IN L.A.,
WAZE TO GET AROUND. >> Stephen: GOOD, OKAY. YOU GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT IS IT? >> UHM, "ALWAYS." ♪ I'LL BE LOVING YOU ALWAYS
♪ WITH A LOVE THAT'S TRUE ALWAYS IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SONG. IT'S MY MOM AND DAD'S LOVE SONG. >> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I
THINKING OF? >> SEVEN. >> Stephen: NO. DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
IN FIVE WORDS. >> CLEANING UP AFTER MY KIDS. >> Stephen: GEORGE CLOONEY,
EVERYBODY. THANK YOU, GEORGE. YOU ARE NOW KNOWN. CONGRATULATIONS. >> THANK YOU FOR THAT. THANKS AGAIN, GEORGE! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY THE MOUNTAIN GOATS.
