( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK! GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND
"STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND THE LEGEND -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JON, I'M HEARING VERY GOOD THINGS ABOUT Y'ALL'S PERFORMANCE
THIS WEEKEND ADD GLOBAL CITIZENS. YOU GUYS CRUSHED IT. >> Jon: YES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: TELL ME ABOUT THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE. WHAT WAS IT LIKE FOR Y'ALL? >> Jon: AMAZING. ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE. >> Stephen: HOW MANY PEOPLE ON
THE GREAT LAWN? >> 60,000 OR SO. JUST CASUAL. >> Stephen: JUST FRIENDS AND
FAMILY. >> MM-HMM. >> Stephen: HOW LONG OF A SET
DID Y'ALL DO? >> Jon: OH, WE PLAYED FOR
CINDY LAUPER, LISSY KAREN AND DID A 20-MEANT SET FROM THE "WE
ARE" ALBUM, AND WE ROCKED THAT SUCKER, MAN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WELL, WHERE CAN I SEE IT? >> IT'S ONLINE. I THINK IT'S GLOBAL CITIZEN. AND ALSO YOU CAN CHECK OUT WAYS
YOU CAN ACTUALLY GIVE BACK BECAUSE THAT WAS THE WHOLE
POINT. WE'RE TRYING TO FIGHT CLIMATE
CHANGE AND CHANGE THIS WORLD FOR THE BETTER. >> Stephen: GLOBAL
CITIZEN.org. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU, JON. I'M VERY EXCITED BECAUSE MY GOOD
FRIEND JON STEWART'S NEW SHOW IS PREMIERING THIS THURSDAY ON
APPLE TV+. IT'S CALLED "THE PROBLEM WITH
JON STEWART" AND IT'LL BE AIRING EVERY OTHER WEEK. IT'S PERFECT IF YOU LOVED HIM ON
THE DAILY SHOW, BUT WISHED IT WAS LESS OFTEN. ( LAUGHTER )
AND IN EACH EPISODE JON IS GOING TO DO A DEEP DIVE ON ONE TOPIC. SO I FIGURE WHAT BETTER WAY TO
CELEBRATE HIS NEW SHOW THAN BY DOING A DEEP DIVE ON JON STEWART
HIMSELF? AND I'M HAPPY TO SAY THAT
RECENTLY JON STEWART STOPPED BY AND TOOK THE VERY REVEALING,
PATENT-PENDING, COLBERT QUESTIONERT. ♪♪
JOHN STEWART'S HERE EVERYBODY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WE'VE SEEN EACH OTHER FOR MANY YEARS. TO TRULY KNOW SOMEONE YOU HAVE
TO INTERVIEW THEM ON A TALK SHOW. THAT'S WHEN THEY'RE MOST REVEL R
REVEALATORY. >> WE SPENT MANY HOURS TALKING
BUT DO WE REALLY KNOW EACH OHER? I DON'T KNOW. >> Stephen: I'M GOING TO GIVE
YOU THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT!. >> OPEN BOOK! >> Stephen: FIRST QUESTION ON
THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT!. >> ALL RIGHT. >> Stephen: JON STEWART, WHAT
IS THE BEST SANDWICH? >> OH, JEEZ --
>> Stephen: WE'RE NOT PLAYING HERE. >> YOU CAN'T ANSWER IT IN TERMS
OF A PARTICULAR SANDWICH. THE BEST SANDWICH IS ONE THAT
UNDERSTANDS THE BREAD-TO-INGREDIENT RATIO AND
DOES NOT -- SO I CAN'T SAY TO YOU --
>> Stephen: YOU CAN'T DO A HOAGIE? >> CAN'T DO A HOAGIE? ARE YOU AN AMERICAN? OF COURSE YOU CAN DO A HOAGIE. >> Stephen: THAT'S A BIG BUN,
MAN. >> IT'S NOT A BIG -- STEPHEN,
HAVE YOU HAD A SANDWICH? WHAT KIND OF --
>> Stephen: I'VE HAD A FEW. OKAY. WHETHER IT BE A PO BOY, A
HOAGIE, KAISER, MUFFULETTA, IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHAT MATTERS IS THE RATIO OF
INGREDIENT TO BREAD AND THE ADDITION OF YOUR LIQUIDITY,
WHETHER IT BE A CONDIMENT OR -- >> Stephen: A PICKLE, I'D SAY. A PICKLE IS -- I MEAN, THAT'S
A BOLD ADDITION. WHAT'S NICE ABOUT THE PICKLE IS
YOU'RE GETTING A FLAVOR ADDITION, BUT ALSO A TEXTURAL
JOLT, IF YOU WILL. >> Stephen: SURE. THAT BREAKS IN. SO WHAT HAPPENS IS YOUR MOUTH
COMES THROUGH THE BREAD GENERALLY FRESH, SOMEWHAT SOFT. SO IN YOUR MIND YOU'RE, LIKE,
OH, I'VE GOT THIS. >> Stephen: SURE. BUT THEN YOU HIT THAT MOTHER
( BLEEP ) PICKLE. AAAHHH! AND IT'S -- HELLO! I WANT IN! AND YOU'VE GOT TO REALLY WORK,
AND WHEN YOU GET THROUGH, IT BURSTS AND YOU JUST -- SO WHAT
WAS THE QUESTION? ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: QUESTION TWO. ALL RIGHT. >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE
PERCENTAGE -- PERCENTAGE OF BREAD TO INGREDIENT? >> YES. SO IT'S GOT TO BE -- I THINK
YOUR RANGE IS 65 TO 75% INGREDIENT. >> Stephen: THIS IS CORRECT. THIS IS CORRECT. WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU OWN
THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW OUT? >> EVERYTHING I WEAR. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL? >> OH, OKAY, THIS IS
INTERESTING. SCARIEST ANIMAL. >> Stephen: YEAH. O IT'S GOT TO BE AN ANIMAL,
A LAND ANIMAL, CAN'T BE SOMETHING FROM THE SEA. >> Stephen: ANIMALS IN THE SEA
ARE STILL ANIMALS, JON. >> NO, THEY'RE NOT. >> Stephen: THEY'RE NOT
ROBOTS. >> THEY'RE FISH. >> Stephen: FISH ARE ANIMALS. NO, I DON'T THINK SO. >> Stephen: AREN'T FISH
ANIMALS? >> YEAH! >> Stephen: THE PEOPLE HAVE
SPOKEN. >> I DISAGREE. >> Stephen: SO A SHARK IS NOT
SCARY? >> NO, IT IS, BECAUSE -- SO
HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH A SHARK AND THE PROBLEM WITH FISH IN
GENERAL, IT'S THE MEDIUM IN WHICH THEY TRAVEL BECAUSE
EVERYTHING IS SCARY WHEN YOU HAVE NO VISIBILITY. YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED? I'M JUST A CRAZY OLD MAN OFF THE
STREET. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OKAY. I GOT A GLIMPSE OF ME ON THE
CAMERA AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I WAS, LIKE, DIDN'T I GIVE THAT
GUY MONEY THE OTHER DAY RIGHT OUTSIDE THE WEST THIRD STREET
SUBWAY STATION? ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: LAND ANIMAL, WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL. I ASKED YOU, SIR, AT LONG LAST
WOULD YOU NOT ANSWER MY ( BLEEP ) QUESTION? WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL, JON
STEWART? >> GIVE ME TIME? >> Stephen:IVE GIVEN YOU A LOT
OF TIME. >> I'M GOING TO SAY A CAT. >> Stephen: NOT JUST A CAT, A
TIGER, NOT A CAT. WHY IS IT TERRIFYING? >> BECAUSE THE TIGER IS NOT IN
YOUR HOUSE. THE CAT IS A KILLING MACHINE. >> Stephen: I FORGET THE
PREMISE OF THIS QUESTION IS THAT YOU NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE, SO
NOTHING CAN BE TERRIFYING TO YOU UNLESS IT'S ACTUALLY INSIDE. >> THAT'S CORRECT. >> Stephen: OKAY. AND AND I WOULD NEVER LET A
TIGER OR A PANTHER IN THE HOUSE. IT'S WHAT I SAID TO MY WIFE, MY
WIFE, ANIMAL RESCUER, LOVES ANIMALS BUT I HAVE DRAWN THE
LINE AT PREDATORS. WE NEED TO RESCUE A SHEEP, GOAT,
PIG. THAT'S FINE. I'M WAITING TO COME HOME ONE DAY
AND THERE'S A PUMA IN THE GARAGE. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S DISALLOWED. CAT, KILLING MACHINE, IT WILL
MURDER ALL OVER THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND IT WILL BRING IT TO YOU AND
PUT IT ON YOUR BED AS IF TO SAY YOU BETTER KEEP (BLEEP) FEEDING
ME OR I WILL RIP YOU TO SHREDS. >> Stephen: GOT IT. CATS -- LET ME SAY THIS --
AND THESE PEOPLE KNOW. THESE PEOPLE AREN'T FOOLS. THEY KNOW THE CAT IS THE
SCARIEST. I SAID IT AND IT WAS A LAUGHTER
OF RECOGNITION. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WHEN WE COME BACK, JON STEWART TELL US US WHAT SONG
HE WOULD LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪♪
