>> Jimmy: VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU, YOU LOOK GREAT WILL BE. >> WOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THEY DON'T DO THIS FOR ME. THIS IS SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU. >> THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. >> Jimmy: WHEN YOU WALKED OUT I DIDN'T REALIZE BECAUSE YOU HAVE THAT COLOR THING, I THOUGHT YOU HAD JEWELS GLUED TO YOU, I ALMOST HAD AN ANEURYSM. >> I'M REALLY NAKED, I THOUGHT I'D TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT. >> Jimmy: LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE YOU WERE VERY SICK. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU HAD TO GET AN X-RAY. >> I HAD WALKING PNEUMONIA. >> Jimmy: RIGHT, YEAH. >> I GOT AN X-RAY. MY BREASTS ARE UNEVEN. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DID THE DOCTOR TELL YOU THAT? OR DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT FOR YOURSELF? >> YEAH, THE DOCTORS KNOCKED ON MY DOOR, JENNIFER, WE HAVE SOMETHING REALLY SERIOUS TO TELL YOU. NO, I FIGURED IT OUT. >> Jimmy: YOU FIGURED IT OUT. IT TOOK A TRIP TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE TO FIGURE THAT OUT? >> YEAH, WHICH I THINK IS KIND OF FLATTERING. >> DO YOU GO TO THE DOCTOR A LOT, ARE YOU A HYPOCHONDRIAC? >> OH, YES, HUGE. I LOVE MEDICINE, I LOVE GOOGLING, I LOVE BEING AN ALARMIST. >> Jimmy: ME TOO, YEAH. >> I LOVE PANICKING PEOPLE. >> Jimmy: I'M NOT A HYPE COND CHONDRIAC IN THAT I FEEL I ACCURATELY DIAGNOSE MYSELF. THAT'S NOT A HYPOCHONDRIAC, IF YOU'RE RIGHT. >> IF YOU'RE RIGHT, I THINK YOU'RE CORRECT. I ONE TIME HAD STOMACH ISSUES THAT WERE REAL. IT WAS REALLY PAINFUL. EVERYONE'S LIKE, NOTHING'S WRONG WITH YOUR STOMACH. WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS I STRESSED MYSELF OUT SO MUCH THAT MY INTESTINES STARTED BLEEDING. BUT IT WAS -- I KNOW, I CAN DO THAT WITH MY MIND. >> Jimmy: ISN'T IT AMAZING WHAT YOU CAN DO? >> I'M SUPER, SUPER BLESSED. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I HAD APPENDICITIS ONCE. >> THAT'S MY DREAM. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU LUCKY BASTARD! >> Jimmy: I LOOKED IT UP, I WAS FEELING A PAIN I THINK ON MY RIGHT SIDE, VERY SPECIFIC. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND I WENT IN. I CALL MID DOCTOR, I SAID, I THINK I HAVE TO HAVE MY PEND DICTION REMOVED. HE LAUGHED. I WENT IN AND HE CHECK MED OUT AND HE GOES, WELL, I HAVE TO TELL YOU, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'RE THE FIRST PATIENT I'VE EVER HAD THAT'S CORRECTLY DIAGNOSED HIMSELF. >> YEAH, I FEEL LIKE ME AND MY DOCTOR ARE MORE LIKE COLLEAGUES. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT GOOD FOR YOU. >> Jimmy: I WAS HAPPY ABOUT IT. >> I HAVE AN UNREALISTIC FEAR. I HAVE TO GO TO CHINA AND I'M LIKE, I'M GOING TO GET APPENDICITIS IN CHINA. I CONVINCED MYSELF OF IT. LAST NIGHT I STARTED TO FALL ASLEEP, MY EYES SHOT OPEN, OH, NO! I JUST KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT. >> Jimmy: IT MAKES YOU WONDER WHY IS THE PEAPPENDIX EVEN IN THERE? PULL IT OUT WITH THE TONSILS OR WHATEVER, DONE WITH IT. >> WISDOM TEETH, GET THEM OUT. HAVE YOU EVER -- YOU DON'T GOOGLE IMAGE BACTERIA, DO YOU? >> Jimmy: BACTERIA, NO. RASHES I'VE DONE. >> THERE'S THIS ADORABLE BACTERIA. >> Jimmy: WHAT IS IT? >> IT'S CALL ED GIARDIA. >> Jimmy: IS IT ALL OVER OUR SEATS? ALL OVER YOUR PHONE? >> I'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR DAYS. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE. >> NO, HE'S SO CUTE. LOOKS LIKE THE KOOL-AID GUY. >> Jimmy: DO YOU MIND IF I SHOW THIS? OH, IT IS KIND OF -- IT DOES LOOK LIKE A PIXAR TYPE -- >> ISN'T HE CUTE? >> Jimmy: HE'S ADORABLE. DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE THAT OR JUST THAT ONE? >> NO, STAPH APOCALIS IS A MEAN BACTERIA. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE NOT KIDDING AROUND. WHY DID YOU LOOK THAT UP? >> GIARDIA? BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HAD IT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DO YOU PUT THIS ON OTHER PEOPLE TOO? I FOR INSTANCE WILL DIAGNOSE MY WIFE AND ALWAYS CORRECTLY. >> BUT YOU'RE ALWAYS CORRECT? >> Jimmy: ALWAYS RIGHT. >> THAT HAPPENED TO ME. >> Jimmy: SHE HATES IT. >> I WAS BOTHERING SOMEBODY ABOUT A MOLE THAT MOLE IS BAD NEWS! THE PERSON WAS LIKE, YOU THINK EVERYTHING'S BAD NEWS BECAUSE YOU'RE PSYCHO. AND I SAID, YES, BUT THAT'S A BAD MOLE. THEY DIDN'T TELL ME WHEN I WENT TO THE DOCTOR BECAUSE I WAS SO CRAZY. THE DOCTOR SAID I SAVED HER LIFE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THEIR LIFE? THE DOCTOR WOULD SAY THAT. >> WHICH MADE EVERYTHING A LOT WORSE. [ LAUGHTER ] ONE OF MY FRIENDS CALLED UP, WAS UPSTAIRS, SHE'S LIKE, JEN, COME LOOK AT THIS RED BUMP ON MY BUTT. I WAS LIKE, WELL, I'D LOVE TO! [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ISN'T IT WEIRD TO GET THAT FEELING OF SATISFACTION, YES, MY MOLE IS CANCEROUS. >> I WAS RIGHT! >> Jimmy: THAT'S GREAT. I KNOW, I LIKE THAT STUFF TOO. I FEEL LIKE WE DON'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT OUR BODIES. MY WIFE IS PREGNANT RIGHT NOW. AND I SEE THINGS FORMING AND I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THEM. I EVEN ASK MY DOCTOR QUESTIONS LIKE, I WANT TO KNOW -- >> HOW IT HAPPENED? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: AND WHO IT HAPPENED WITH? [ LAUGHTER ] BUT LIKE IF YOU EAT A PIZZA, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR THAT PIZZA TO TURN INTO FAT IN YOUR BODY? >> RIGHT. >> Jimmy: IS IT LIKE A MONTH? OR DOES IT HAPPEN LIKE AS YOU'RE EATING IT? IS IT GOING BUP BUP BUP, COULD I EAT TEN PIZZAS AND GAIN 14 POUNDS IN ONE SITTING? THE ANSWER TO THE FIRST PART OF THE QUESTION IS YES, I COULD EAT TEN PIZZAS. >> WOW. YOU'VE GIVEN ME A LOT TO THINK ABOUT. YOU STARTED WITH YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT AND ENDED ON I CAN EAT 14 PIZZAS. >> Jimmy: I ALWAYS BRING IT BACK TO MYSELF AND MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS. >> ARE YOU WORRIED YOUR WIFE IS GETTING FAT? >> Jimmy: NO. MY WIFE IS NOT -- NO. >> I MEANT BECAUSE -- >> Jimmy: I FORBID IT STRICTLY. [ LAUGHTER ] NO, I'M THE ONLY FATTY ALLOWED IN THIS HOUSE. OF COURSE THAT WAS A JOKE,
