It Came From Tumblr #97 | Binge Compilation

[Music] [Music] you know pretty awful how baseline human activity is like singing dancing and making arka turn into skills instead of being seen as behaviors so now it's like the point of doing them is just to get good at them and not this is a thing humans do the way birds sing and bees make hives i know i've posted this before but it bears repeating this is a thing humans do you do not have to be good at it to enjoy it you're absolutely right so with that said there's a lot of singing in this episode i apologize to all of you i apologize to andy i hope i don't break any of your ears mom said it's my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings that wasn't mom they just said it was their turn dirty is a concept invented by british imperialists to keep you from enjoying god's nectar swamp water stop drinking the swamp water pocket joe no pain no gain you would not believe your arms if 10 million car alarms blurred into the night as you tried to sleep young man there's no need to feel down i said a young man eat that ship off the ground okay just so we're all clear it's okay to miss people you no longer want in your life this is so important some people genuinely have trouble with never being told this i am reblogging this post in case that includes any of you in my audience you're missing the memories not the person themself you miss the person you thought they were not who they turned out to be and that's okay my ex-wife still misses me but her aim is getting better glitch only speed runs if you play the game as intended at any point you're disqualified does it count if i play skyrim on a phonograph okay i imagine some dragons now what do i do i have to get radioactive next every breath you take burning at the stake artificial lake asian coral snake i'll be watching you thought i saw a shooting star but the neighbors above me are flicking cigarette butts out of the window what healthy song is this [ __ ] i'm not prepared for this one it's a cold and it's a broken hollow back girl hollow back girl holler back girl how hello girl i can't finish the rest of this andy take it from here i'm kidding you don't have to do that i eat 15 apples for breakfast then drive myself to the hospital just to watch the doctors get blasted backward into the drywall because they cannot withstand my aura i get it hey you reading this you're princess and i don't care if you're a goddamn bodybuilder you're now princess protein and i love you mwah hey pocket show do you have any regrets absolutely thankfully ask people run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water charles bukowski wow bukowski so profound do you also bathe fully clothed you [ __ ] oh isn't it so funny that a person will eat when they're hungry but will duck if you throw an apple at their face [ __ ] you charles bukowski your last name sounds [ __ ] ridiculous pretty [ __ ] close to because oh cool some new astronomy news what's good astra astronomers discover new tadpole shape galaxy no no oh no y'all miss this part of the article that group the scientists say is far from a settled system all the members of hixson's compact group 98 are expected to merge into a single galaxy in about one billion years at which time presumably the extra galactic tadpole will turn into a cosmic fr [Laughter] andy pack your bags we're gonna go hang out with cosma's frog hey here's a curse fact you're always eight feet away from a spider and here's a fun fact i am the spider referring to things in real life as canon is so [ __ ] funny oh [ __ ] i hope what i did last night wasn't canon can't wait for tumblr to roll out tumblr plus the premium website membership for only 9.99 you can enjoy classic tumblr features such as a functional website since tumblr has hinted at a paid for version a recent survey it's time to bring back my possibly future predicting post stop it chance mom stop it stop don't don't give me that look don't give me that look date of origin august 29 2017. stop it archaeologists have discovered a 3200 year old mural of a knife-wielding spider-god in peru stop every word in this title is better than the one before it i can't handle anymore hey bestie come closer i'm totally not gonna drag you into my obscure interest bestie i promise this is me hiring andy as my video i'm so tired i could eat a horse i identify as a horse and this offends me well i identify as a fence and this horses me i offend horses identify me i think the main question here is why would you eat a horse if you were tired we're all wrong the real question you should be asking is why is the username handle and bragbert hawaii must the selling job be good is it not enough that i stabbed the fabric with a tiny needle many many times something hilarious about this coming from julius caesar official how did you hear about this job it came to me in an extremely vivid and unsettling prophetic dream congratulations you're hired i know i did a lot of things and half of those things will in fact be my downfall eventually was anyone else afraid to close their eyes in the shower as a kid for fear the shower might start pouring blood instead of water you okay are you okay do you need it do you need a soda here's a soda take take this order it is pitch black outside and someone is mowing their lawn power move update the someone is my father does he have a flashlight dad did you have a flashlight no how how did you see moon i think people with interest are disgusting your hobbies okay are you personally enjoying it yeah quite a bit actually gross notice due to a lack of cicadas so far this summer i will climb the trees and scream in their absence you think you could replace them you really think you would sound half as good how dare you stand where he once stood oh oh oh you don't think i could do it you don't think i can do it andy put me up in that tree right there i got this i got this [Music] how's that hey how many toes you got you mean in my mouth or hmm blocked have a horrible day i could look it up but it's more fun asking friends gang there's probably an objective answer for this but let's see if someone has a rat locked and loaded group chat [Laughter] andy is that not just uni comics a homeless guy just said to me do you tell jokes to make people laugh or to make people think you're funny and that is the most profound [ __ ] i've ever experienced i asked my old science teacher this and he said i make jokes to make myself laugh because i know i'm funny found the dead sir that's my emotional support found family trope don't touch it people are always like are you a morning person or a night person and i'm just like buddy i'm barely even a person minecraft enderman be like it's fun for me just to grab a cube i got this one right here buggy some 100 year old dude keeps harassing me about being a sugar baby please help almighty god of tumblr ask him if he's widowed and if yes tell him you're the one who killed his wife and if he's not tell him you're gonna kill his wife what is the appeal in thigh high socks how do you live who [ __ ] necromanced you from the ground and commanded you to not enjoy anything you [ __ ] waste of my time and breath and space get the [ __ ] out of here you can't comedic slapstick misunderstanding your way out of this one mr chaplin me five minutes later stepping out of garbage can damn you charlie what's a gender-neutral word you could use for your spouse husband hi why spend um uh i may be stupid this is the text version of looking for your glasses when they're on your head this is our fault guys we were icarus and all those posts about tumblr being the best social media site was us making a beeline for the sun we brought this on ourselves our clown shoes are on fire and we are plunging towards the sea with our red noses honking sadly in the wind that paints quite an image if only there was a super duper editor that i loved with all my heart who could make that happen for me please this is our fault guys we were icarus and all those posts about tumblr being the best social media site was us making a bee line for the sun we brought this on ourselves our clown shoes are on fire and we are plunging towards the sea with our red noses honking sadly in the wind [Music] hey if kirby eats the communion wafers does he become the new messiah or just gain jesus's powers i don't think you understand how eucharist works answer the question tiny little dragons in tiny little wagons drinking little beers from their tiny little flagons that was beautiful man sometimes it physically pains me to hold back my sarcastic comments hey yahoo i'm my lesbian girl's pretty well then why am i bi everybody pretty all right social experiment time who is this wrong answers only an evil willy wonka or humanized bill cipher green a cool person an environmentalist jeffrey jeffrey bezos well that a loki nature gave us food lasagna cookies and cream hot pockets jolly ranchers why are we not eating it wait you guys don't eat this when you scratch a cat's chin and they lift their head up reblog if you agree when you scratch a cat's cheek and they lean their head into your hand replug if you agree you put your hand in front of your cat's face and they gently head butt you reblog if you agree when your cat just runs a little bit faster to get to you i believe you agree cats a block if you agree all right listen girls can be handsome it's all about vibes similarly boys can be pretty handsome and pretty aren't gender adjectives and i will fight someone on this handsome in the statue sort of way in pretty in the starry sky sort of way alternatively handsome in the jawline sort of way and pretty in the eyelashes sort of way if asked to defend these answers i couldn't but the fibes yes yes exactly when the moon hits your eye like a big yellow light ass will slow down good job sienna i'm so proud of you thinking about the discard ad with danny devito why yo i can't believe you don't want both for what's balfour both of my arms wrapped around you in a loving hug gummy ugh rgb gaming setups are so gay why you want rainbow lights everywhere huh to show your pride for loving other men i'm sending this to my brother tell him i'm proud of him for coming out of his glass closet he says the anime girl stickers on his pc cancel out okay bisexual king good for him what is the medical name for an almost irresistible impulse to throw an egg into an electric fan bing binghamton news new york november 27th 1925. i don't know but it's definitely transmissible because now i have it well there's only one way to solve this remedy andy throw an egg into a fan not amy's egg though she'll cry egg i don't have the patience to organize my music into playlists i just put apple music on shuffle and hope to god that none of the glee songs start playing i literally downloaded every single glee cover in existence it takes up over half of my playlist in my defense i was really out of it mentally and everyone's got that one buddy who's an imp who torments them with demonic energy it's me it's you it's me goodbye you're so quiet what's wrong i'm creating my own fantasy world to escape from reality so shut up i love student housing i'm in the common room waiting for a friend and there's some dude crying on the couch with a bunch of his friends around him and i could only hear bits and pieces but someone asked him who gets the minecraft server if you guys break up and he started crying harder and a third person reached over to smack the guy who asked it on the back of the head god i miss college dwarves hey remember that thing we talked about last video if kirby could gain jesus's powers so here we go there's a follow-up there are a lot of reasons why kirby cannot receive the eucharist fully one he is not human only those with rational human souls are capable of partaking in the eucharist kirby being a pokemon means he is not human and does not have a human soul even if he has a soul at all oh i'm sorry hold on could you raise the pokemon dead two those who cannot understand the eucharist cannot partake this means children too young to understand we are not permitted to do so they can receive a blessing instead and three the eucharist is not a magic pill jesus was given his abilities through god if kirby would receive any special powers it would be because god permitted it if one was to take the eucharist while not in a state of grace nothing outward would happen there would be no smiting but it would be like watering a desert without seeds none of the virtues already inside of a person would be strengthened it is impossible to receive it if taken by someone not in a state of grace okay but counterpoint kirby is in fact not a pokemon i'll see wolf bat's got my back here also he is considered centi in all canons afik and that normally indicates having a soul he can also communicate and understand concept explain to him kirby who can 100 take the eucharist notice how i said a human rational soul we do not know if animals or other beings have souls for sure or if their souls are the same as ours meaning jesus is their savior if kirby does have a soul he would have his own messiah and that messiah's eucharist however that may look would be the only way kirby could partake hope that clears things up so sorry what the [ __ ] going on here well pope francis disagrees if for example tomorrow an expedition of martians came and some of them came to us here martians right grained with that log nose and big ears just like the children paint them and one says but i want to be baptized what would happen the roman catholic church leader theorized as reported by vatican radio in his speech focus on the question who are we to close the doors to the holy spirit he said that baptism is open to everyone and reminded the audience of the words of peter if then god gave them the same gift he gave to us when we came to believe in the lord jesus christ who was i to be able to hinder god kirby isn't a martian oh so we're being picky and choosy with which extraterrestrials can partake sounds like you just got some beef with kirby in fact andy get terminal montages kirby smite okay i'll bite go straight for the jugular wakey wakey eggs and baking but i'm a vegan well then wakey wakey vegetables and sadness it feels like deeply maladaptive that the human body's response to intense hunger is to feel nauseous like what was the goal there stomach's just like okay i'm hungry so you're gonna barf so i get more hungry i hate the term spinal fluid it conjures up horrible imagery in my mind lightly taps this spigot i've attached to my spinal column come get your juice we've never met and i hope it stays that way this is the most powerful reply i've ever received the internet was a mistake but the amount of fondness i feel for all the friends that i carry around in my pocket with me was not a mistake andy you don't have to put this part in but andy thank you for being my pocket friend and working so damn hard on these videos you really put in 110 and i cannot thank you enough for what you do to me thank you pooh they're small but what you get isn't always working post gets more than 20 notes you can call me an entertainer of sorts a comedian if you will i'm now certified in the art of entertainment elf androgyny and dwarf androgyny and orc androgyny are three very different forms of androgyny and defiance of the binary and they're all so good elf everyone's pretty but has no ass dwarf everyone's hairy but has no s orc everyone shredded and can crack walnuts between their cheeks meanwhile goblin and tragedy you're small and horrible and you're pretty certain that gender was the kind of beetle you ate last week hey remember when the poison status was intense as [ __ ] and you had to rush your poison pokemon to a pokemon center and the game would make that awful [ __ ] noise that would make you feel bad for allowing such a thing to happen to your pokemon i have nightmares about it man it drives me crazy how humans are just meant to hold each other how come when you hold someone's hand your fingers just perfectly lock with theirs how is it that when you hug someone your face fits just right in the crook of their neck how can your hands cup someone's face like that's their only primary function it cannot be coincidence that our bodies are fully capable of holding another we were designed to love post op it's good [ __ ] listen women be weaving no not me i'm too busy longing for girls not if sweet aphrodite has anything to say about it i love it when people repost funny tick tocks here i'm never downloading that stupid [ __ ] app you are my little messenger pigeons men has no need for the nine-to-five work day you know what man does need chickens a food garden ample time for a hobby slash creative endeavors a picnic basket and various jams and two hats for weather did a hobbit write this the hobbits had it right the microbes inside me are pleased by my your offering i live another day that's so creepy but why are they so right knuckle tats that say firmware brother you're overdue for an update and i'm about to start installing today's aesthetic gridding your teeth through skyward swords janky swordplay because it's the only mainline zelda title where zelda and link's relationship is explicitly romantic and dammit if you gotta bleed for it you will i just wanted to see them hug or kiss god damn it if we really boil down journey to the west isn't it really the meme reject humanity returned to monkey stop booing i'm right unintentional newt slander intentional newt slander wait we're talking about actual newts right unfortunately no [ __ ] i can hear my brothers talking in the hall and one of them was like no bro trust me i have the like strength of a [ __ ] orca whale and the other was like whales don't have legs idiot they do have hip bones though because evolution decided at some points whale with legs would be a good idea oh why the [ __ ] but it did people who subscribe to my tumblr will receive exclusive access to my web series about a pansexual and an asexual who are roommates oh my god they're tomatoes no i'm not roommates my [ __ ] iphone sliding keyboard hates me oh my god they are tomatoes oh i can already see where this is going people who subscribe to my tumblr will receive exclusive access to my hidden veggie tales lore i [ __ ] knew it

Channel: P.M. Seymour

Views: 97,820

Rating: 4.9849668 out of 5

Keywords: voice, audio, P.M. Seymour, comedy, reading, discord, twitter, tumblr, social media, posts, reading posts, late night blogging, blogging, editing, not for kids

Id: -1FqZhElzFQ

Length: 22min 23sec (1343 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 02 2021