Future mother in law demands my fiancé stays in her hotel during our vacation

[Music] let's get down to business i've been with my fiance adam for five years and we've been engaged for seven months we have a beautiful home together and we both work really hard at our relationship the issue isn't with adam he does his very best to try to mitigate the situation with his mom but it's wearing on him and i worry that one day he'll have to choose i don't want him to have to do that that would hurt him too much to choose between me and his family there are a lot of situations but i thought i would highlight the worst slash most recent about three years ago one month after we purchased our house his mom really needed windows in her house mold was growing a lot and some no longer had seals now his mom actually has a sizable savings account enough that she can spend her money frivolously on luxury goods like birkin bags and getting her hair done two times a week her nails buying her muscles every two years and so on however she never budgets for anything so she asked him for 25 000 to replace the windows he said he'd cover them when he told me i almost had a heart attack he said it was a loan and that she'd pay him back i still have law school debt to cover and we have a larger than we should have mortgage she made a comment to him about how i would let her freeze to death all winter and he had to help her we took extra out on the mortgage to cover the windows top of the line everything we still have yet to see a dime i suppose it went into her new gl class to quote the bard neither a borrower nor a lender b adam and i had a vacation planned a year after the windows dilemma happened we decided that we'd go to europe for two weeks as he has never been and i lived there from the time i was three until i came to america for school we set our hearts on spain and rented a lovely apartment in barcelona for the two weeks it was perfect for two we planned all of our tours and outings around our interests adam loves architecture so we had a few to solely plan for that his mother decided that she had to come and she'd never been to europe either so she invited herself on our trip like i did previously i tried to appeal to his rational side but i couldn't get through his emotional side so i just accepted that she'd be coming along well coach wasn't good enough for her and she had to have tickets upgraded to business but she didn't want to travel alone so she pitched in for a seat for adam to travel with her i had to remain in coach alone then she didn't want to stay at the apartment because it wasn't a vacation to her no she had to stay at the w in barcelona where she begged adam to stay with her but there wasn't any room for me he tried to reason with her but she cried and said how sad she was without her husband with her as he passed away before they could ever get to europe together he passed away 10 years ago so i stayed at the apartment alone while they stayed at the hotel we were supposed to meet up for breakfast but she would never get ready on time so they wouldn't be down until 11am and we missed most of our outings i definitely felt like a third wheel and questioned why i even bothered to go on the vacation when i cold stayed home and not felt so alone adam and i began to discuss wedding plans i would like to keep it relatively low-key as my family still lives in europe and cannot attend as my father is very sick and we are worried he may take a turn for the worse travelling is just not worth it for him and i wouldn't want him to risk his health for something that is a one-day event i told adam that i would like just a courtroom ceremony and his mother and sister of course and friends we'd then take everyone out for a very fancy dinner his mother did not i repeat not take kindly to this she said that if her son was going to get married it would have been a grand affair for everyone to see i just keep looking at my side of the seating chart and the pitiful number of guests i just want to cry she has been planning it i told adam i didn't want this i expressly told him that i just wanted a small really really really small event no go she won't even hear him she just refers to me as her and she and says how i think that i'm too good for a large wedding and that my family is too good for america my family is american my dad is slashed was an ambassador this has been happening a lot recently and this time it's just been one too many times lately she has been asking for more together family time she lives quite close but we don't see her all that often as she has friends and events that keep her busy not too busy to plan the wedding though she has requested that we adam and i have dinner with her three times a week well what has been happening is that she has been reserving a spot at the restaurant for 6 p.m i don't get home until 6 30 some nights she has just been encouraging adam to eat out with her as i'm too thoughtless to come home at a decent hour to eat with her son how lonely that must be for him it honestly doesn't bother me that he goes out to eat with her that often but the things she says behind my back well i came home early tonight i left work and was on the road by 4 30 p.m home by 5 p.m i surprised adam as he was just coming in the door when i yanked the door open to greet him happily he was so excited to see me i could come to dinner with him and his mom i told him i just needed to shower real quick and get dressed he called his mom right away and told her that i would be able to make it he also make a comment stating he hoped there was a reservation for three tonight she said that there was that she thought they'd eat earlier like 5 30 and was already on her way to our house she got there at 5 15 and stated that she couldn't wait another second and had to eat right then adam said i'd be ready in just another 15 minutes and offered to call the restaurant and request they move us back she wouldn't hear it she just whined about being hungry and how a poor old woman should be expected to wait so his fiance could fulfill her vein requirements he came upstairs and asked how long i'd be i said just another 10 minutes he said his mom was really upset and hungry if i could skip the step for him so we could leave earlier i told him to go ahead without me and i would meet them there that was fine i got there and the table was fought too of course adam said we could make room but she said how we'd be inconveniencing everyone and i should just go sit at the bar and she'd try to get it fixed i had one drink at the bar and then left came home calmed down a bit and now i'm writing this after i posted a comment on my own thread and was about two glasses deep into a bottle of wine adam came home this was extremely late he sat down beside me and looked defeated he just looked at me with hopeless eyes i asked him if he wanted to talk about it he said he needed time to process everything that happened tonight i told him i also needed time he said to me that whatever i wanted to do he would accept it so i called up my maid of honor and asked if she would come pick me up and i could stay at her house for the night adam and i kissed and he told me he loved me and i left i haven't been back from colleen's house i made a call the next morning to my office asking for a few more days off to go visit my family so right now i'm writing to you from my parents house in europe i called adam and told him my plans and he asked me if i would let him drive me i told him i was okay to go myself with colleen and i would email him when i got to my family home when i got settled at home i am around adam and i sent him the thread that i had made that tuesday night a large majority of you wanted him to read it so he has read all all of your comments he also read the part where i came to the conclusion on my own that i had to end things we talked briefly over skype he told me he felt raw from the thread but he was glad that i had gotten things out he asked me if i was sure if i wanted to break things off or if i still needed time to think i said i was pretty sure he asked me for a probability this is a joke in our relationship for dealing with decisions and i said i was 90 sure that this was the end for us and i was using my time away wisely to really consider everything for some reason his eyes brightened and he just told me that we could talk about it when i got back stateside i wouldn't break up with him over skype and i think we have a lot of legalities to go through regarding the house and we have to collect any deposits that are available when we cancel the wedding things because his mom didn't pay for any of the wedding she planned anyway i have had a sit down with my father he's been feeling better which is a huge relief he has offered me two-thirds of the cost of the house so i could either buy it from adam and pay off most of the mortgage or just walk away and buy myself something else i didn't expect this but he said it would give me options should i decide what he thinks i have decided he says he just wants me to have freedom and that he wouldn't want to see my heart and my bank account broken at the same time so that's that like i said nothing really happened between adam and i i do have more power though thanks to my parents and i have been enjoying my time with my family my mom and i have been shopping a lot and my brother my dad's doctor and his family have been coming over for dinner quite a bit my sister is expected to return from china tomorrow and i'm very excited to see her i wish you all a happy holidays and a hopeful new year hopefully my next update will have a conclusion one way or another now are you guys in for a real shocker someone made a comment in the update that he would be outside my parents house if he really wanted it to work he took your advice to heart and he was outside with his bags and a rental on the evening of the 24th i uh i was taken aback and i blurted out what the duck are you doing here he just laughed and said he wanted to talk about everything and it couldn't wait until i got back he'd been reading all the comments on the threads and he felt like they were very eye-opening he browsed our slash ray said binocists and felt very moved by the similarity some of the posters have with their parents he said that he spent the last few days thinking about what went down at the restaurant with his mother and how the look in my eyes when i looked at him after i realized what had happened broke his heart what i didn't know was that he and his mother got into a row after i went to sit at the bar fighting about me and how he doesn't feel free how his sister used to say she had the same problems but since she moved far away it has died down a lot a lot of people ask me why i put up with this for so long i tried to remember when this really started happening when it stopped appearing like regular mother-in-law don't want to lose my son comments and began to feel like isolation and vehemence we used to have an okay relationship when we first met sometimes we'd go shopping together and once we got our nails done it was around when adam and i purchased the house together that's when it really started to get bad the windows incident was the first really big issue i remember when she realized we were serious about each other so back to when we were at my parents house we had a serious heart to heart i beard everything to him and he did the same so there was no extreme confession of incest or physical abuse it was just that he thinks he was raised by a narcissist who saw her control of her son he pride and joy slipping away we came to a decision here is what we decided on december 27th he went back to the us after new year's day a couple of days before me and moved his stuff out of our place to a friend's he didn't want me to have to be inconvenienced for changes he had to make we have put our engagement on hold for the time being he cancelled all the plans his mother made he has been seeing a therapist since the middle of january pretty consistently twice to three times a week i've been to four sessions with him his mother has not we have sort of begun dating each other again i have been talking to his sister and the things their mother put her through adam is very lucky now about his mother he has decided to give her one last chance to go to therapy with him and he has stated that if she does not he will be going no contact with her we have a lot to rebuild but i know we can do it together adam and i will be composing this thread together oh no i gave away the ending yes we are together in fact we are married here goes last time we left off adam was seeing a shrink still is to try to unwind some of the damage his mother did we were living separately for the time being adam's mother tried to commit s but no really she called emergency services before she tried and didn't even have time to swallow more than two pills it's so scary to think that within his mind there was such an abusive past when he has always had such a happy exterior my husband man that's fun to say was basically traumatized by his own mother his entire life as was his sister i had alluded before in one previous thread that adam's sister had it a lot worse than adam when they were younger but when adam's father died his mom locked in on him so adam's dad died of kidney failure however adam had donated one of his kidneys to try to save him his father's body rejected the donation and passed away about 11 years ago this coming april his mother took it upon herself during his grieving process to manipulate him into believing he k his own father and she was alone now because of him that if he wanted to repair what he did to her he'd treat her better every time he thought that he could get away and create his own life and feel free she'd remind him the windows for example i only heard the part where she blamed me but i tried to think back to the conversation and really try to hear what adam had said it's about four years ago now but he was telling me at that moment that the reason her house was falling down was because she no longer had a man to take care of it because he k his dad he was trying to tell me i just wasn't able to understand what it meant same with the vocation to barcelona she was doing it in front of me now when he was younger a lot of these issues had been regarding academic success or athletic success she didn't have any issue then with girlfriends or anything she just viewed her children as extensions of herself it was bad it just wasn't this level of guilt-inducing insanity let's get back to the present day adam's psychologist had suggested adam offer his mother a chance to come to therapy to work out issues he wasn't able to propose this to her at the time because after her s attempt she whisked herself away on a cruise to get some much needed r dr whatever oh my god you'd think he was asking her to murder puppies with the way she went on so that's that no contact she has tried but adam has either ignored all phone calls with unknown numbers we had our locks changed and his work has strict instructions not to let her pass the doors she moved to where adam's sister lives in july but i know that his sister we are close has been no contact with her since she met her husband we wrote off the 25 000 we either get it back in probate court in inheritance or not at all i'm not really joked up about it not enough to do any extra work to get it back right now especially since adam is worried she'll use it as leverage to buy back in we ended up getting married in september flew out to be with my parents this week to renew our vows in their house and we are going to have our honeymoon in fiji come january my dad is doing so well but he always seems to fluctuate like that however my brother isn't optimistic this time call an open bracket anyway we were wondering since you have all been so supportive if you would do us one small favor adam and i are going to have a grieving ceremony for his father so he can process it correctly without manipulation for any of you who have lost parents what helped you get through it thank you for everything we wished we could have invited each and every one of you to our wedding but that would be creepy [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 23,100

Rating: 4.9273829 out of 5

Keywords: reddit mil, reddit girl, reddit money, reddit prenup, reddit justnomil, reddit mother in law, reddit, r/askreddit, r/ girl, r/ mil, r/ money, r/ prenup, r/, r/justnomil, askreddit, askreddit mil, askreddit justnomil, askreddit money, askreddit prenup, reddit pregnant, rwfd

Id: LjoC7rxbda8

Length: 18min 1sec (1081 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 18 2020