I "Eat" Every Flavor of Takis

some of you may not be strong enough to make it through this video but here you are strength isn't just measured in muscle no it's measuring will raw willpower lets you see past the lies and into the heart of the truth it's not easy to stare truth in the face and not flinch oh it's a good bag be warned you're in this now and you have to see this through to the end what i'm going to reveal to you is going to shake the foundations of your entire existence and maybe future generations beyond that that are affected by the possible changes to your dna that this will cause takis can't sue me for that can they there is no evidence that suggests that takis will change your dna there's no evidence none you can't find any that i know of oh mama so show that you're going to be a part of this until the end click the like button because people are spamming the dislike button just to try to hide the truth to try to obfuscate it that's the right word you must set the truth free john prove it to me prove it to each other but more importantly prove it to yourself today i'm going to be reviewing every single flavor of takis i have what is scientifically known as every single flavor of takis this is a terrible angle to see this lixie and zoom in on that not really a lot of detail i much like a baby have no object permanence so if the flavor that technically exists isn't in this room with me right now i don't know it exists and therefore it doesn't exist to me and because all of reality is based on perspective and everything is relative my existence proves that those other flavors that may not be here don't exist it's simple logic there is nothing weird about the way that i eat takis and eat is also a very strange word has a lot of different meanings you know the dictionary is kind of the jury's out on the definition of eating but i eat them like this do you eat super do you drink soup nobody knows the three bears with their porridge one was too hot one was too cold one was just right but according to who nobody knows cause goldilocks is dead they hate her anyway this is not about that takis i'm a big fan i'm a big fan but i already know what you're thinking and i already thought of it they're not going to sponsor me i've already asked because i didn't ask to be paid in money i asked to be paid in powder and they said no so [Music] didn't work out but i'm gonna review it anyway because i still enjoy them i like the powder so i do have some critical things to say about takis's um production pipeline there's a little bit of an inconsistency issue with takis from bag to bag i started out takis and i was lucky enough that my first time getting takis that the individual taki were soaked beyond recognition under a layer of delicious powder like just pure salt spice and msg but it's like a lottery depending on what bag you get you may not get the same spice experience that i got on my first thing it's kind of like drugs i've been chasing that first high that i got when i got the first bag and now it this seems really bad but trust me i know what i'm talking about like seeing do i know what i'm talking about anyway it's not the point i only have eaten fuego fuego is the purple bag it's it's the only bag that i saw for a long time uh but there are other flavors of takis that are not fuego fuego is my favorite so far i've only had one other but there's a bunch ah one two three four five six seven seven eight seven eight this makes eight also i'm gonna show you guys a whole new world and this is where it's very important that we're all in this together if you clicked on this video it's already too late you're a part of this this is in your watch history and i've made a deal with youtube that this particular video cannot be purged from your watch history no matter what it's going to remain on your account till the end of time and when youtube dies that's when time dies we all know this i will cease to exist and from my perspective because everything is relative uh everything's gone it's just an egotistical way of thinking about things it's not actually true anyway so the thing about takis and fuego is that it has just the right amount of kick right whoo what's some good it's like eating shrimp right i don't eat shrimp but i think you suck the shrimp out of it and you throw the rest of the shrimp away right or like a clam you don't eat the shell of the clam i don't need this shell of the takis and this this happens to be a pretty good bag i'd say this bag is above average you can actually see almost the entirety of each chip is covered in powder you get a kind of chip that is just more powder than chip that's ideal this bag is above average but when i tell you this bag is like 30 of the maximum amount of powder that i've seen in different bags this is like a 220 of the week bags that i've seen i've seen bags that when i opened them i got depressed instantly all joy flew out of my life because i looked at the chip and it was empty it looked like this and i think that's what happened someone got to the powder before i did i think there's a whole operation to suck the powder right out of these takis won't give it themselves but i want it and i will find it because as they said on dune the spice must flow i've never seen dune the spiciness level is like a bit of a six it's a good one it's above average spice it's a good kick compared to that chip that i ate on some mysterious channel that doesn't exist and never did exist much like this video won't ever leave you that video never even occurred if that was a ten this is a six good spice but the flavor that's really what we're getting into here the flavor is something that's just i can't even match on anything else that i've ever tried i've tried different like spicy powders people say like there's a seasoning that you can get that is pretty good it's not the same and i think it's due to the msg the ms [Applause] i also cut them like this because it's easier to access and then you can identify the ones with more powder and that way you lose minimal amount of powder getting on your hands and you can just make sure most of the powder gets in your mouth i open like this so it's like a built-in tray doesn't make good for showing the ingredients but zoom there's monosodium glutamate which is another entire conversation to have there's a big stigma about monosodium glutabace but apparently there's no actual research that said it's bad for you in any way in fact it turns out to be a pretty good flavor enhancer but i'm not a food doctor i don't even know what a food doctor is do they exist but this has msg in it unless i'm mistaken because i didn't look at it myself just now like seeing them i'm right okay good the only problem is with the amount of salt that you're taking in you got to make sure you get enough water you got to hydrate when you're doing this because either even one of these is probably not good for you but i like salt and i like these [Music] looks like got a sweetness to it it's a spice this happens to be a very good bag i am very happy if i got this my happiness meter would go up as opposed to being extremely depressed my entire emotional state depends on the interior of these bags it's like schrodinger's takis my fate is sealed in the bag and i do not know until i open it but i have found ways to try to circumvent that i kind of feel and if i feel more powder at the bottom i can kind of be inclined that it's going to be that also there are certain types of bags that are made certain ways you'll see that this one has ridges on the top of it there's some bags that have flat tops and you can kind of judge where that one was produced because i'm pretty sure that there are three different takis factories in the us i've never actually done any physical research on this i've never seen them myself i've just done anecdotal research from the takis bags that i have and there seems to be one that does lower with different type of chip like the actual tortilla is a little thinner and a little smaller the volume has probably decreased like a by about 40 and the powder ratio is way down there's this one which is good because it's a pretty average and streamlined process of the amount of powder and the amount of chip tortilla chips actually carry a lot of suckability so you can suck the powder out of them you know i like that i don't like it when it's hiding in the crevices and then there's another one that is just chaos factory i want to be in that factory i want my life to be that factory because the people working there are just as insane as i am they destroy every chip with bag the entire bag is like 30 powder in the bottom of it and it's all crumbs and there are some weird chips that are just like burnt black triangles in them that is the gold mine of takis those are the absolute pinnacles i went on a bit of a tangent there i'm gonna move on this particular bag nine out of ten maybe like eight and a half just because i know the scope of how good it could be but this is a good one so from now on we're going to look at the new flavors let's kick it up another notch i can't see over the effects this is nitro oh hey male hey hey ups guy [Applause] thank you [Music] this is nitrogen uh digitally make my hair blow back in the wind okay this is nitro i actually have had this if you want to talk about spice this was a six this is way i i'll taste it first and then i'll give numbers why would i know beforehand well this is sad it's not it's not the color differences that you can tell you can tell that it's less powder this is what i mean this is why my emotions are all over the place look you can see the surface of the chip through it the only time you can see the surface of the chip through this one is where it's been like exposed underneath because it's like a double wrap chip and there was some flaw in the process this is god that's sad fine anyway this is gonna be sad but i'm gonna test out the flavor of it because that's what i'm here for nitro i can't even taste the difference because there's not enough powder to be able to discern it i have another bag here let's see if this one's any better i buy them in twos and i go to different stores and i try to pick one from there one from there and when i know a store has the golden bags i buy out their entire stock god damn everything it's the same same god damn we got a good here's a decent one okay so definitely that one's spicier but because there's less actual quantity this would be spicier just because there's more powder here but this one is the only problem with this one is i don't like the flavor too much the great thing about this is it's perfectly balanced between the spice and the lime this one is habanero i don't really like the flavor of habanero i know a lot of people do but most people just use habanero because it it has a lot of kick to it it's not like ghost pepper levels but it's got a real punch to it and they use it for the spice i really don't like the flavor as much though and the spice isn't even worth it because the spice isn't all that much different than that one because that spice kicks you harder just from the quantity i'm gonna find the one with the most powder i can versus one i just grabbed here and you can see there's it's not even close it's not even close it's not even close it's a disappointment across the board this particular bag i'm only gonna give like a three and a half okay so now we've gotten out of the territory where i've ever had any of these before these are all new the experiences will be new my reviews will be just as subpar as anything else in fact even more so that's what you subscribed for right what did i say and i am officially declaring that i am now the talkies review channel i know that john cena was in a commercial for takis the other day or the other year whatever one it was there's no way that guy likes more takis more than me maybe he likes the chip he can eat my chips after i suck the good stuff off of him okay we got wild like wild west wild spicy buffalo i can't even tell am i sad am i happy am i sad am i happy i can't tell okay i think i think i'm kind of happy because it's an illusion right the color of the powder is very close to the natural color of the chip whenever they pull the chips off the chip tree i'm assuming that's just the color that it comes as uh much like spaghetti from the tree powder you know is actually oranges like spicy buffalo wings you know stuff like that so i can't really smell anything the powder is kind of stuck to it [Music] weird brainwave for some reason my tastebuds are telling me that's similar to this tokbokki that i had in korea which is spicy rice cake but not good because i'm not expecting that as far as spicy buffalo con is concerned that nothing like that i don't taste any buffalo from that maybe i do but maybe i just don't know what buffalo tastes like but i've had a few wings in my life i'll probably review a few wings in my life maybe who knows if they pay me money i'll review whatever they want my review series has never been paid for its services i just want to point that out it's a little tragic anyway i uh two i really i don't i would never eat this and i would not want to suck this so i won't those probably good crushed up and like used as a bread crumb i bet if i breadcrumb real wings with that good idea i won't remember it crunchy fajitas which isn't really a flavor it's a description i don't know what flavor is crunchy fajitas it's another one of these illusions because you can't tell because of the base color but i whatever crunchy fajitas is place your bets now in the comments as to what you think the flavor of crunchy fajitas is or will be and my reactions the winners will get shamed the losers will get banished you can abstain you have to i guess i guess i'm getting like you know a hint of fajitas i feel like i'm standing outside of a mexican restaurant and there's a fan that is blowing air out of the restaurant into my mouth whoever predicted that that was my response congratulations everyone shame them shame them no shame them fast and shame them quick and then shame yourself but not good i wouldn't call that good i'd rather just have like frozen fajitas that i put in the oven or something like that there's very little actual flavor here there's like no flavor nothing's actually happening here there's like essentially zero in this bag sorry there are people walking and they're looking at me i'm not crazy why are you even here why do you exist you go on the floor now floor of shame what if i just mash them up re-wet them turn them into tortillas re-fry them and then make fajitas out of them that's what i'll do so we got this other bag guacamole whack-a-mole look at the ridge on this bad boy that is a deep v see this is a piddly v this is a deep v good powder oh my god that looks horrible that looks the worst that looks so unappealing uh i got no words for this one so i'll just let taste be the judge that wasn't a finish spit that was just this is like shrek's turds i don't know what i i i i i don't know i have no idea i what is not guacamole maybe these are different if i bite them oh it's just it's worse because i get the terrible tortilla in there i hate that i'm not going to reuse that for anything good oh god i hope you're still with me everybody you made a promise at the beginning of this you were going to show me how strong you were and if you abandoned this halfway through or three quarters of the way through wherever we are you'll never let it down sticks sticks it's fuego in stick point oh weird i don't know why they wouldn't just stick with uh stick with uh normal fuego uh because now it's it's like it's like those like rice noodles that you get sometimes in the bed of an appetizer at some cheesecake factory or something like that i guess they're trying to get me to eat the actual tortilla it's a disappointment number one i don't like the tortilla number two there's literally less surface area per chip to have powder there's no ridges there's no places to caress with your tongue to try to cultivate out a little bit more spice cokes if you will i can't seduce this with my tongue get out there you don't belong there [Music] i'm happy again i'm happy again i'm happy again all right so you might think that we must be done right we must have run the full gambit of every possible flavor shut up you're wrong i'm sorry i didn't mean to yell you also the mailman's here so i gotta look nice i'm nice [Music] thank you i don't know why i always record these when mail comes it's not a choice i'm not doing it on purpose it just happens that way explosion it's an explosion of flavor boom one two three four five explosions of flavor uh it's got cheese and chili pepper no lime on this one apparently but it's an explosion of flavor explosion best before december 2020 oh no oh no oh no oh no am i gonna die oh no oh oh no that's probably fine oh these look fun look at that is this gonna be like cheetos like like spicy cheetos oh that tastes like someone took the powdered cheese in a kraft mac and cheese box and dumped it in a bag now let's all be clear this is expired that might be why it's bad but i doubt that it changed the flavor that much okay are we done here are we done no we're not done we got zombie the flavor that's back from the dead put some fog in get some spooky music there's a wolf howling he says homie it's a scary night you're hungry you got nowhere else to turn you go into a convenience store the bell rings with a groan as you walk through the door the sliding automatic doors creak whistle in weird ways you hear a cackle of laughter from the back row where the booze is kept and then you'll see it in front of you zombie flavor you look in your pocket you only have 92 cents and it just so happens that halloween ended a few months ago and these expired chips are on sale clearance it's time to get a deal and time to fill that belly of yours with pure evil uh they're green these are worryingly green like the guacamole was sad green this is concerningly green it says habanero and cucumber that sounds like it wouldn't be so bad i have said that many times tonight it's day but i've said that many times and it's not worked out too well your bottoms up you know what that is because the other one that was nitro that was habanero this is better the cucumber works better with habanero than lime did it's not that lime and habanero is bad no that's a great combination but for some reason in that chip and powder that didn't work as well this works the flavor is actually pretty good they're working with each other and it they might still have some lime in here i can't tell but i i taste definitely the cucumber and i definitely feel the habanero but the the the the flavor i remember that i'm into that i'm into that that's good i did not expect that to be good at all it's refreshing i'm going to keep that over here because that's quite good all right so we've reached the end of the road it's been a long day of trying takis a long day of attempting different flavors shut up we're not done got him idiot heat like sonic the hedgehog if he's in here let's see it cut out everything that i just did there's no illustration of what this flavor might be all i know is that it's blue that was green this is blue once again concerningly blue thought provokingly blue right like something's wrong here but it's food anyway that's a decent one not much flavor it's not bad it's not what i would call bad flavor it's just not much of it probably the all the chemicals to make it dyed blue uh are burning off my taste buds on contact so my entire inside of my mouth is melting or not don't sue me takis pay me in spies give me a 55 gallon thing of this in conclusion this is the best the original flavor is the best i have tried all of these and to be perfectly honest a lot of them aren't very good to me anyway and and i imagine that a lot of people's first introductions to takis is going to be fuego because that's the bag that i always saw so i imagine it's the bag that everyone always saw not everyone but you know most people always saw so fuego is my favorite flavor but surprisingly zombie that i would never have expected is second place the if if the habanero one had a lot more power on it and i was in the mood to really destroy myself with spice i would like that that that's third place everything else is tied for bottom and with that so ends my review of takis and you've made it congratulations you've made it to the end i'm proud of you you've done it congratulate yourselves and congratulate each other and you know what your reward is your reward for making it so far is that you get to watch me finish the rest of this bag with uninterrupted eye contact i'll make sure the editors i'll make sure that lixian doesn't stop the video at any point to interrupt this moment of connection that we are going to share because we are one and the same you and i we have so much in common 150 more to go you

Channel: Markiplier

Views: 5,735,046

Rating: 4.9399118 out of 5

Keywords: takis, every flavor of takis, review, markiplier, markiplier review, food review, funny review, markiplier takis, takis challenge, markiplier eats takis weird, food challenge, spicy, hot

Id: Fpi_xo_R4Rg

Length: 27min 7sec (1627 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 05 2021

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[u/IllushaS]

but why does he spit them out?

[u/JennyTwenty]

Somebody save us from the bad not-real man