I crashed the stock market by breaking every law

hey there friends today we are breaking the stock market oh god they're throwing riding in the deep end i don't know what the hell i'm doing uh bye bye bye bye oh wait are they saying liquidate everything oh god i talk i don't know how emergency call i am busy liquefying myself they're swearing at me and they're still calling me i'm socially anxious don't call me text me instead so i can respond with emojis okay it's all gone black i can just assume that i shot myself just from the overwhelming stress oh coffee bye bye bye oh god it's agent 47 i guess i didn't shoot myself but he's going to take care of me now wait i have a test to join this new company do you have to stare at me like that while i take the test i'm nervous enough already as soon as i see high net worth i'm going to open the account i'm not even going to read the rest i failed don't berate me hey stop it i tried well actually no that's a lie i kind of attempted i was adjacent to trying oh they want to be exempt from all taxation and i just said open the account okay reject the account insider trading scheme are they already ticked the ones that i should be answering should i just keep clicking confirm oh yes it's like the term is an agreement and i passed we're dependent on the following accountability customer focused diversity how does this culture align oh man i don't know i'm [ __ ] tired man after depositing an annual bonus of 500 000 what amount of cash would you distribute to a homeless individual who requested 10 as you exited the bank 9.99 oh wait no no 99.9 out fine 99999 the company believes in integrity what is your primary motivation for wanting to help slow down here what does integrity mean survey is over result surveyed okay good that wasn't part of a test because i don't think it would have passed i don't think my answers were very good did i get the job is this the office will i meet my co-workers hello i'm new here oh wait you're an applicant oh i hate you then you're my enemy throwing some of this stuff out the window this is probably gonna kill someone it's gonna be the worst paper cut you've ever seen in your life a straight up decapitation and god will it stink i threw water out the window um where should i be okay meet in main lobby oh god oh no no no no oh jesus if i didn't show up i definitely would have lost the job uh water is down sorry i threw out the window that's probably why wait is this this guy's family all right time to try and demotivate him if i can there you go it's like a threat at the same time yeah that's exactly what i want to see the workday is finally starting that'll perk me right up okay so i want to buy stocks that are down and then sell them when they're up i don't suppose i can just start buying at random and hope it all works out oh i got a call harper ward geisted is a closed network made up of information brokers and anonymous insiders yes i'm happy to do insider trading anything to get an advantage i feel like i'm being set up to be locked in prison here i think i might be better off losing my job but look i'm gonna buy a lot of this coffee i don't have enough cash all right 100 grand worth of coffee please when do i sell does it tell me coffee will surge at four okay i didn't read that right but you know what i'll hold it until four it's going down i'm gonna buy more i'm going all in i mentioned you just got a new employee and they immediately sank their whole budget of 110 000 into coffee just all in one go i can afford another ten grab another ten there we go now it's twenty nine dollars okay it's starting to go up a little bit i'm in profit now this is great oh no careful careful no i'm oh yes i mean probably again oh no it's dropping no i'm out i'm in profit i'm out all right i think i'm best just waiting until four when they said it would surge rather than watching it i'm really putting all my eggs in one basket here i bet everything on this here we go here we go it's flying up oh my god look at the cold oh jesus christ when should i sell oh this is actually kind of nerve-wracking okay i think this is about all i can get yeah i'm out god surely i've won the job after that how much money did i make him oh someone's playing funky music behind me they're happy with my performance i hope that's my boss i made 52 000 on my first day oh wait the competition isn't over but look i'm already pretty close to getting a bump up to analysts right now i'm just an intern who's making 50 grand a day for the company but whatever that's it's fine that's fine okay i bought some random furniture i got a gold toilet a sofa and a bare statuette that should be enough to furnish my home it's a studio flat so that'll work wait you're advertising that he was fired poor tristan god they're everywhere you're really shaming the poor guy oh my god they're out here too all right i have aspirations of being a tv star but not in that way i got to be more careful with my money i think wait oh my little statuette i thought it was going to be big yes the victory tune as i pick up the bear and this is definitely gonna kill someone good luck out there all right you got any more tips for me because you did great yesterday hidden labor dispute at drc poised to surface coffee will drop okay so i can short sell this what time are you dropping at two all right i'll short sell coffee there you go i put 100k into shorting the coffee company you should get all this personal [ __ ] off your desk it makes you look like an [ __ ] i did i threw out the window you should really consider buying star knocks and going long on it no i do not trust this person at all they're wearing sunglasses indoors but are you playing game of poker or something get out of here i'm definitely not buying one recommended to me i'm gonna buy some green grocers long um 25k i'm just gonna throwing money around here all right sell it all i made a thousand dollars off that that's great uno eats vomiting i'm going all in on uno eats it's continuing to plummet oh no what have i done okay yeah that's continuing to plummet i'll just look at my other monitor i can just have an episode of the simpsons up on this one to distract me oh and my uno is going up it's free marketing because anytime anyone says uno you're going to think of uno eats you got that last carrot and you're feeling a bit peckish uno eats but because the ceo of uno eats will leave thousands to charity great stuff good job okay i've just realized i don't know how to cash out with this okay i'm supposed to buy them back 100 i'm just waiting till it kind of hits rock bottom if i can and i know what it looks like i'm there myself okay i bought it back oh it's it's [ __ ] soaring now oh god it's plummeting again oh maybe i'm misting that but that's okay this account is reliable follow it he's called the werewolf why would i trust him for financial advice how much should i make that okay that wasn't as good but i still made like 30 grand for the company that's not bad okay i think i need to be more fast and loose with money even though i feel like i've been pretty fast and loose already but i need to double down wait you're not even working you're playing solitaire maybe he's doing a let's play all right maybe he is working extremely hard get on with your coffee i'll get that for you don't worry die die oh nice bear die hey how's it going still in your solitary game you look a little stressed out that's because i'm not playing solitaire all day yeah he's still going all right back to my computer some people around here have to work you're idle but the american's not no no no no no no i'm not idle i'm ready to go you went straight to gay stead only for it to be replaced by an extremely boring cable news network no no i need my insider trading tips i mean my my friend's advice yes i wonder what the stock he recommended to me is like okay it did plummet yesterday it's going up now oh no now it's plummeting again that's too volatile since the guy insider trading on coffee crashes insane drop for uno eats oh let's go back into uno eats oh wait i'm already in it hold on i didn't realize oh it's plummeted should i buy more i'm going all in on uno eats look at that it's already flying off i think i'm just lucky i got that look of the irish it just keeps going all right i'll just leave it grow keep on growing it's like what do you do for a living you're in the stocks right oh no no no i'm an uno eats trader i don't deal with stocks i just deal with uno eats i'm just hovering over the sell button as soon as it takes any sort of dip i'm out but it continues to climb beginner's tip by uno eats so i could have told the event i'm gonna follow that account they know what they're talking about oh no oh yeah it keep going off i saw a slight dip there but it's continuing to go i like how there's no logic at all like this one's like price of produce drops as production rises this one's just like yeah byuno eats my day is consisting of me just sitting at my computer waiting to click sell when it starts to drop i could be replaced by a bot pretty easy sell it jesus christ oh my god it started vomiting in hell i should be replaced by a boss good lord that just plummeted and i was going a [ __ ] shorter too but the reaction time was too slow oh god now what do i do without my precious uno eats i'm too afraid look at that landslide it took all right this one seems to be plummeting i'm going putting a quarter of a million dollars on it as soon as it bottoms out oh god damn it who knows it's flying up again i shouldn't have taken my eye off it so no i'm committed to this train wreck that is aqua firma i don't even know what they do i assume they make some sort of firm water or something hmm that sounds delicious i'm all in all right i'm all in on it jesus christ wait it's going up look at this oh wait is that me doing that actually i'm pumping money into it so that could be my money that's pumping it i can't wait to dump it so this is why people love doing pumping dumps it's exhilarating oh i love fraud look at that money yes thank you uno eats you just got me a promotion wait what fired oh wait no someone else was fired okay i thought i was fired i was like but i did well makes a point investing in employees whose show potential but the additional truth is that we don't want to be associated with people who live in squalor have you started investing in real estate i guess i could get this condo at the low low price of free he's extremely good at negotiating so i bargained them down they wanted 200 000 i said they give me 200 000. we met in the middle wait can i put my like furniture in there like my gold toilet store it in the house yes and the sofa and now i can lease it oh this is great i got it for free i'm leasing it out and i don't even live there i'll sleep under my desk dreaming of uno are you getting fired you know what good for you i've done way better than you and honestly you're better off not being in here this place is cutthroat hey you swore all right you deserve to be plastered on all the televisions for being fired now jesus the way he spun his neck around am i an owl i've not actually seen my characters so i could be but look at that you love to see it it's innovation also swears a lot not family friendly no more warnings what do you mean i haven't had any warnings i've been doing great oh jesus what do you want anyone who wears sunglasses indoors gets a note from me could i go to hr about this because they keep swearing at me do your worst kiddo this guy is like straight out of a copy pasta you didn't hear this from me but i think a lot of people are rooting for you to take care of clark he was standing closer to you than i was when you said that so i don't think i'm the one who needs to be told to keep it a secret what are you investing in dude probably can't even see the screen with that tint okay you're going long on dark roast coffee and shorting northern oil and gas i'm gonna do the opposite of what you're doing i'm gonna short dark roast coffee all right i've shorted it hopefully that helps stop calling me why are you all wearing sunglasses oh i can assign lobbyists then short the hell out of anything related to oil wait hold on let me sell my oh wait no that's actually going up a lot all right but buy back for a loss the coffee i just did all right we're gonna short a load of oil i nearly have enough there we go short it okay half a million dollars shorting oil i'm sending all my lobbyists this is not a bit suspicious that one dude has sent loads of people to tank oil after just shorting it ah so this is how it feels to be at the top huh a beginner's tip sell southern soda they're always correct i'm gonna buy it when it bottoms out we've got some bad press through the whole situation but nothing pr can handle god we must have a good pr team all right i've got six hundred thousand now i think it's time to go all in on uno eats again 250 grand on uno i think it's really generous to call me an analyst i'm just throwing money at things wait what was that other guy investing in again hold on uh you're holding northern oil and gas okay hold on bear with me oil tank it again jesus christ i'm gonna get arrested oh my god it's plummeting all right i just sold all of my other stuff and i'll just invest in the oil that i just tanked by myself there we go this definitely will look dodgy on the box okay now i want you to march back there and tell them that oil good lobby for oil look at that this is just plain market manipulation it's flying up now american is now closed i have done well today public opinion concerned i wonder why sorry skyler you're a pr disaster unlike me and getting fired right trades bringing too much negative public attention did i log in with your username or something hey how are your long-term oil holdings doing oh they're going down that's a shame he's out quarter vermilion on [ __ ] coffee egypt all right i'll see you later don't walk into a wall with those shades on don't blink not a problem oh god oh no this might be a problem all right i'm fine i can go all day without blinking just one of my many many talents oh god my eyes are drying out i'm sorry boss hey parenter what are you investing in today oil tanking again how ironic you know oil tanking and no okay i think i want a short coffee i'll be back with you all right short coffee with half a million i assume it's beverages i want to attack this just in beverages bad it's still not tanking enough their coffee is so good it's just ignoring my slander oh i should be in this menu coffee okay i'm manipulating but i'm so stupid i'm not even taking advantage of it so i'm doing the crime without any benefit lovely all right there you go attack coffee attack hey buddy how's your coffee doing oh jesus man that's so bad wow yeah i'm just making a killing shorting it over here right back yes money all right i made enough fun oil we all know that's a sink in business if your man is invested in it he's [ __ ] dumb so i don't want to follow his lead i'm going to put half a million into this coffee company oh wait hold on it's sinking dramatically i was about to click buy it okay there we go i'll buy it there i have confidence in them they just seem to go up and up and up and people love coffee i think i'm just gonna sit back and watch money roll in from uno eats and dark roast coffee company wait power outage what but i want to watch green numbers what's happening wait is it just are we good oh well probably nothing no i think we should be alarmed that's not good where is that news alert guy from have i been caught should i play the country oh wait what's going on unemployed oil workers took to the streets and protested the sudden closing of northern you shouldn't have invested in that you're [ __ ] egypt i got out of that minutes ago i saw it coming a mile away wait no hold on a second why is it going up what i thought you said it was going under oh this is a cool news station investor confidence in origin will grow lower but their their stock is rising i don't understand you know what i don't care i've already made 50 grand on coffee from the market manipulation i did earlier it's recovered to pre kevin no more court dates for uno eats wait they were in legal trouble no i didn't even know maybe that's why they were tanking earlier i don't have a clue what's going on okay yes this was a great investment i don't mind that i sold my oil for that okay maybe i mind a little that looks pretty good but no you know what i'm fine with what i did look at all that cash i nearly have a promotion then i'll be earning the big bucks oh dear oh no no no no no that's not good okay the pr team took care of it god they're good at what they do oh no the boss is calling oh they just want me to host a parody okay we took the liberty of evicting your tenants so you can organize your party [ __ ] capitalism say later dude you're not invited by the way now guess what i'm standing here that's right you screwed up you just called me on the phone why didn't you tell me there you call me on the phone you're like hey let's have a parody and then you can meet me in the hall and you're getting all angry now get out of here that's what i was doing yeah i just come by his desk to laugh at his misfortune wait no coffee's down oh no no no no that's not good oh wait i'm still way up oh he's just down on his investment i did it smart can i just send people to lobby for the stuff i'm invested in foodstuffs and coffee what is this what is this what are you doing is this some market manipulation going on sale lunatics that isn't fair on the rest of us just what even happened there it just shot down for some reason okay we need food stuffs and coffee to get a boost coffee yes lobby for it go on tell them how good it is all you need is every news anchor in the country to just start the news broadcast with oh i wouldn't be here without my cup of joe in the morning and then everyone would buy it okay i'm up in coffee again this this is good let's boost it again let's keep sending lobbyists to her coffee can i just keep doing that you know it's just tanking sell it all it just keeps selling and buying uno eats and coffee abundant source of coffee discovered threatening price decline oh probably good i wasn't in wait no i am in the coffee business hold on sell it all sell it all i thought that was the one i sold i forgot how are you supposed to keep track of everything i can't even keep track of one thing or maybe that's the secret i should be just trying to keep on track of one thing right you know what i'll send lobbyists to go after coffee again i just hate coffee both my parents died of a coffee overdose and i've just never been able to look at it the same way okay i think it's bottoming out there i'm buying 500 000 worth of dark roast coffee coke see how much i believe in it i'm leaving so much i'm gonna send lobbyists to tell everyone that i love coffee totally you hate 65 grand 71 i'm gonna get arrested by the end of this certainty all right i sold it all again because it's tanking once more yeah i'm just a coffee trader like don't you mean stock trader no no just coffee i only trade in coffee i like to keep things simple you know go back to the days of old where i give you coffee and you give me goods and services jesus it's tanking their stock is so volatile probably because i personally keep thanking it jesus christ it's gone so low oh no the market closed before i got to buy it oh no no no i lost everything hold on oh god they're all gonna be pissed off at me aren't they go home i gotta get in here as soon as the market opens and buy coffee i just sprinted out the door back on the grind yeah the coffee grinders get in there quick go go go go go no no no no i don't have time to talk to you i got to get in there and buy coffee jesus come on come on come on coffee coffee coffee okay good we're good okay bye okay good i got in there super early in the morning just in time for it to go even lower god damn it and nothing some market manipulation won't fix there we go that's an easy 100 grand to start the day okay what if i sell that now and then i immediately short it all for 500 000 and then i go over to the lobbyists and i say hey lobbyists coffee bad and then that starts to go down very good yes 72 grandia take that take the 70 grand okay now we'll go long on that we'll buy half a million of it and uh lobbyists guess what coffee good again look at that tip it's like perfectly in time with my buys and sells okay sell all for a hundred grand and i want a short uh three quarters of a million this time and lobbyists guess what coffee bad whoever owns this company or has a large shares in this company must be pulling their hair out at this point talk about an emotional day okay 150 grand yeah and now go long on coffee investors you know what to do lobby for coffee good sharp uptick holy [ __ ] look how much money i just made in a second all right sell it all that's made half a million look at my cash what are you investing in again oh you're still in the coffee business you must be confused what's going on huh he's lost so much money on it like quarter of a million and now put a million into uno eats my one true love i you knew i'd come back lobbyists do your stuff on food stuffs look at that skyrocketing good job bruno eats oh wait regulations in the food stops industry sell towels just waiting for it to flatline because i believe and uno eats just not enough to sit on it okay i think that's about it i am buying a million dollars worth of uno eats by the way food stuff's really good yay i got a promotion a million dollars i've earned it i'm going to invest it in uno eats no just kidding i don't trust the um my own money anyone eats i trust the company's money in that because i don't really care that much about the company the public are a little bit worried i i'm worried that i might lose my job here but they just gave me a promotion so it should be good right just in case i'm gonna buy a car yes i'll buy a tank when the government comes for me i'll just launch a coup all right just don't make eye contact with anyone at all he's getting fired i've been manipulating all his stocks and he's the one that's paying for it yes washed up looking around the tv in the background see you later i love the bond music that plays every time i get fired continue to prove yourself and we may promote you to vice president oh yeah i deserve it now don't make eye contact with anyone just go straight for the door yep here i go yes okay i made it home without getting fired i was worried he'd just turn around and be like oh yeah by the way you destroyed the company with all your american manipulation you're fired but apparently they don't mind that uh oh oh no i feel like i might be responsible for this or executing a search warrant oh no okay i'll i'll leave bye bye bye bye bye bye bye okay well they're gone the next day so hopefully i got away with it probably not before long before i get arrested i gotta enjoy my tank while i can god violence continues to spread with many saying that the country is now in the brink of war well good thing i bought that tank oh god yeah i forgot i got everyone else fired well we won't be needing these anymore i guess oh wait they installed windows oh no they're not very good windows all right well you know what i'm 100 gonna get arrested and we're on the verge of civil war i'm out i quit i take my billions and i go i'm smart all right i'm gonna retire play solitaire like this fella see ya all right we are gonna end it there i hope you enjoyed my market manipulation if you did be sure to subscribe to get access to all the info on my pump and dump schemes that's a joke don't sue me thank you very much for watching i hope you enjoyed and i hope to see you next time bye for now [Music]

Channel: Call Me Kevin

Views: 405,255

Rating: 4.9774871 out of 5

Keywords: Call Me Kevin, Call Me, CallMeKevin, CallMe, funny, funny moments, comedy, lets play, gameplay, gaming, stock market, stock market game, stock market simulation, stock market simulator, stock game, stock simulation, wall street game

Id: cVl0TML1vsU

Length: 22min 55sec (1375 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 17 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/ImReallyKool]

Does anyone know what game this is?

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Found It! It's called 'The Invisible Hand'