Double Down - The Cinema Snob

oh my ladies and gentlemen let me introduce to you the ceiling snob [Music] [Music] filmmaking auteur Neil bream is your guess is as good as mine can we have another take of this filmmaker Neil bream is what you get when you cross breed Alex Jones Tommy Wiseau Ricky Caldwell and an actual double down sandwich from KFC with movies that are mostly about conspiracies and laptops his most notorious film is as 2013 movie fateful findings but we can't just automatically start with that we gotta start at the beginning with 2005 s Double Down otherwise we'd be completely lost more so but from what I understand I'm not the first person to talk about this movie online which of course means that I should immediately take the video down and forget that I ever saw it Double Down is about a computer or let's say hacker who seeks to expose government secrets and to thwart a Las Vegas terrorist attack Thank You IMDB for that plot synopsis because God knows the movie didn't help with that and the opening feels really familiar we all have stories to tell our own paths to faith in Christ some are kookier than others like finding Jesus and a piece of driftwood more Christian mingle promotion for the last time I don't care about your driftwood I think the clouds are spitting on your camera you might want to wash that off I don't know who to blame here considering Neal Breen is the only name in the opening credits Breen plays Aaron brand who could secretly be wily coyote who finally got himself officially lost don't forget when wandering through the desert guns and laptops are really all you need and a tragic backstory the fact that I became so individually electronically powerful scared my government as well as others there was that power that caused them to assassinate my fiancee and break my heart forever no I'm so sad that a character I haven't met yet has died and why didn't the government just assassinate you should be easy you're the one roaming around with a bunch of airsoft guns aaron has assignments and he knows the secrets not sure what they are but can you at least tell me why there are random skulls just laying across the highway I've received bio electro medical implants to assist me in carrying out my attacks okay forget the skulls we've got stock footage to use but don't worry eventually it explains the skulls as well as covert acts I also take care of eliminating white-collar criminals so you're a serial killer no wonder the skulls are laying across the desert you just sprinkle some rocks over your victims maybe it's his diet that's making him crazy I don't need much to live on anymore I just need to nowt of the can and live in the car now I know why it's hard for you to find another girlfriend and are you sure those bodies on the road aren't just the people you ran over you careless [ __ ] Aaron is trying to stop a biological attack and to rig his car so that he can watch reruns of our lists but I'll let Aaron explain it satellite dishes five laptops six cell phones and bioterror there are very dangerous Wars going on that will never end what's with the pauses you making this [ __ ] up as it goes along well you could have fooled me the force shield will cause death if an intruder gets too close that's not what caused that that was the result of trying to follow the plot he's so good with computers that he can follow world leaders without the computers even being turned on and just when you think it couldn't get more random where are you where am i you're me so he's hiding from the government by becoming Terrence Malick I sure hope so because then I'll automatically love this film there's more padding in this film than in a 4-hour cut of Sex in the City too damn he's testing out the bio anthrax cocaine diamonds and he's smart enough to wear gloves but dumb enough to keep his watch on seriously at this point just wear a [ __ ] radiation suit he strategically placed laptops all over the desert unfortunately they don't work because he hid them in the [ __ ] desert and that's not all he has I don't want to know what's going on under there it flashes back to his fiance so did she die moments before this movie started he's wearing the same clothes [ __ ] I think the rapture happened might as well cut to this footage of him working on broken laptops and if that doesn't work more footage that Neil didn't shoot look at that sky I remember that day it was really scary oh no no no no no no I don't like where this is going and I've seen stroking mine who thank God Scorpio put a stop to that guess I'll just leave her face down in the water I'm Way more broken up about this flower never mind I'll join her till I run out of breath by the way I now know what Neil Breen's balls look like and they don't have mark Shannon's warts so there's that through his heartbreak he continues setting himself up for a fatal car accident and oh good he doesn't have to masturbate under the tarp anymore there's an obvious cut in there because he comes out in different clothes guess that's easier than just switching camera angles I'm getting Las Vegas bloodbath flashbacks only without someone watching wrestling for 40 minutes I know the twist is supposed to be that this is on earth all along but I still don't believe it for instance check out this scene where the movie has actual dialogue is planning something very big bigger than 911 or any of the other logic attachments we caught in time after 9/11 crap he's planning the last act of Man of Steel he's also a teleporter because he keeps changing positions during the conversation this movie is the epitome of oh it gets weirder [Music] Oh looks like those biochemicals he's been breathing in have finally started kicking in just look at this next scene [Music] old man you don't look like a terrorist to me who hasn't seen a chilled-out so-crates Johnson just hanging out in the desert enough of that guess I'll just be on my way then what is happening don't know what he did with that old man's corpse because I'm pretty sure there's not a body under there as he continues making love to his bleeding car he realizes that he needs a screaming moment don't worry I'm sure the point is around here somewhere mom is there life after death or not you're frustrating God stop it and why do you have a bulge while walking through a cemetery this movie needs more characters fast it was good to see at the lake today yeah yeah did you see them my parents oh hey there who the [ __ ] are you people my daughter Megan was just diagnosed with brain cancer oh no I'm so sorry yeah that's too bad who's Megan and then he cured her with his conspiracy powers I've been given this incredible power tonight I believe I cured Megan of cancer I wasn't joking he cured her with his conspiracy powers and stop talking like your people know you know please I'll always be here with you always Wow Community Theatre valerian is about as well acted as regular valerian seriously turn on your [ __ ] laptop at this point I'll accept it if he's just playing skee free oh that's why it's not turned on he just got done [ __ ] it thanks movie trying to figure out what's going on is the equivalent of staring into the Sun unfortunately someone knocked over his flower so he's gonna be a little late making that cake now that's about two thousand dollars worth of cocaine there LV time to have lunch at the locals oops the lobster bisque is divine oh sorry that's okay no damage you're all aliens that you're not fooling anyone plus I think someone is bootlegging your movie oh good we finally popped that bottle of Merlot open [Music] now to clean off this bird [ __ ] and I'll be ready to go is there no end to his powers here's $200 I want to borrow the car I'll have it back in about an hour before they finish dinner okay is he telepathic now why the hell was that a voiceover and then he turned into a lion at this point I'm convinced that Neil Breen is just Will Ferrell in a Frank Stallone wig when they start running out of a budget Neil takes a job driving around newlyweds in Vegas I can't believe we did this I've only known you for two days Wow there is a car accident they were crashed into by another movie and then he poisons them with his tomato strawberries I know you're unconscious but thanks for helping me out and getting you into the trunk what is going on what do you mean I picked up the wrong couple oh now I get it no I don't know get out the marriage is over get out just kidding let me lay you down next to your passed out husband as if you're unconscious even though you're not now he has the right target for what I have no idea they committed suicide yeah isn't it obvious they shot themselves in the head and propped up their own bodies to lean against one another it's believable that they spent so much time in the desert since Neil Breen looks like a Sun Dried Jeff Speakman false alarm on the rapture folks just take the escalator back down to earth Erin's next mission rub sweet low on strangers oh excuse me contact so is he our hero or is he the terrorist I'm genuinely confused oh never mind I think I know who the villain is now time to pad this out by going car shopping some of these cars would be owned by an idiot who can't spell Ferrari with these electronic locks and ignitions it's so easy yeah it's really easy when the door is already unlocked this scene makes sense to me that's a real parking space about as much as that's a real facial hair he's injecting him with a serum that will cause him to grow a real beard it is actually supposed to be fake facial hair but in a movie like this it could have gone either way holy [ __ ] Tim who is him and why did that fake beard fool you and then they killed Alexandra Paul it's easy to space out during this film but be warned if you lose interest you'll snap back into it and a scene like this after the terrorists died off-camera he saved the secret meatloaf his farmer's tan isn't enough yet he needs a good leathery shine if he's gonna go line dancing tonight or to monologue I'm so confused and depressed that my double life how did he get to this point where do I go from here I've got so many questions well can't say that Neil Breen is bad at reading the audience why asked about the length of his laptop's battery life when it doesn't work to begin with who needs battery life and who needs realistic looking weapons and muzzle flashes when you have sound effects when you don't know where to look upon getting shot so you just look both ways these awards say bravery but the vest says these medals are for coming in second in a power bottom competition success my trunk finally gets episodes of red Shoe Diaries this is the only movie I've seen that when entirely over budget by buying broken laptops and for complete and utter randomness no that's impossible how can that be for all of neo brain's faults he doesn't amazing Ryan O'Neal impression unfortunately finds out that no you can't kill cancer with conspiracy powers i cured her i cured her I've got to take this other call any super broken up about it the filming schedule was pushed back several weeks due to Neil's 12 ankle sprains Neil you can come back now buddy you're gonna get lost Neil you can stop now we'll let you have another ghost fiancee seen make time stand still right now forgive me student films really do suck except for mine you just don't understand my genius he's tracked by the chewing gum that I guess they knew he was gonna step on the only lesson I learned here is to not run through the desert you'll get seriously hurt but the ghost of your dead fiance will cure it does she also have magic conspiracy powers and you're not actually typing anything in a sequence that's dying to have the ending narration from war room speaking over it his plan is about to become a reality and that plan is an ape take over the small diversions have started and I can't stop them we can't afford to show you that so here's Neil killing time before going to his shift at a Texas Roadhouse and just kidding we're gonna Ford a little bit more stock footage but this movie did promise action in suspense [Music] oh no that guy how could this happen drugs as in I wish I was on them right now prepare to evacuate the hotels on the Las Vegas trip prepared to evacuate the hotels on the strip prepare to evacuate the hotels you forgot to say on the strip how will I know that's what you wanted unless you say it multiple times I guess Aaron is the one who stopped the attack so he's the hero he spoke in two broken phones good job there's just something about this movie that makes you able to tell that those phones don't work now that he has the magic crystal he can return to Gore but first got a [ __ ] got a [ __ ] got a [ __ ] got a [ __ ] got a [ __ ] the rest of the movie is just visions there's a look that says I know this fool is gonna drop me and you forgot about me you [ __ ] it was you know ray it was you no need to destroy the laptop it already didn't work I'm starting to think this movie is losing focus now he's off to leave children stranded in the desert and to make more movies that are more or less the same [Music] well that made sense it's the first movie I've seen that was so honest to tell us that no one did lighting or hair and makeup with double down being the first movie to kneel Breen's writing and directing credit he already sealed his fate as Coleman Francis part two or Diddy depending on the box cover according to this Double Down is the winner the winner of what what is this movie win plus it got four stars it's stunning desperation one of those is not a compliment not that it matters since there are no names attributed to these quotes so I'm just led to believe that Neel said them and even then I'm not sure if they're being said in a positive light there's a lot more backstory to Neal breed but why get into that now when there's plenty more of his movies we can spotlight in the future it's not gonna be next week but eventually we'll get to him I love you will you marry me yes [Music] be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel at youtube.com slash stoned gremlin productions follow us on Twitter at the cinema snob or check out our homepage at the cinema snob com

Channel: undefined

Views: 311,906

Rating: 4.8945918 out of 5

Keywords: The Cinema Snob, Movie Review, Brad Jones

Id: sx6Lb-QQoQA

Length: 21min 22sec (1282 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 07 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/bluedhift]

I feel like his movies need more laptops from 1999.

[u/ggadwa]

This will put me at odds with a lot of people here, but I don't think Breen is a "so good it's bad" director. He's just incompetent at telling a story. There's a joy to a Doris Wishman or a Ed Wood Jr. or even an Andy Milligan film (who is fast becoming my favorite so bad it's good director) that Breen lacks.

Breen just makes confusing low budget films. There's a lot of laughs to be had, but his ideas are silly and unrealized, others are silly but spectacular. A conspiracy theory can be ho-hum, but a woman that kills with her giant breasts? Aliens raising the dead to invade earth? Whatever Milligan is trying to convince us is scary? That's stupid cool, not just stupid boring.

OK, now you can all let me have it!