How to Stop Negativity and Rude People from Getting to You- At Work & At Home | Communication Course

communication training Tolkien honored hi everybody it's dan oconnor and i got a lot of questions on my book energy vampire slaying 101 which is really about energy transformation and dealing with difficult people and toxic attitudes at work and at home and I decided instead of doing one video at a time why not do an entire series and we can have a world full of Slayers so this is the first in the series of energy vampire slaying 101 we have a lot of great stuff what I'm going to do is cover the book like this I'm going to go through chapter by chapter and lesson by lesson and pick out the points that people tend to ask me about so week one what we're going to do is cover a principle for the week a tactic something personal something professional and by the end of the week you will have had a whopper of a lesson in energy vampire slaying so are you ready I'm going to start off with the very first thing in the book is that and this is going to be our principal of the week munication oh I didn't know we were gonna have Sabbath are we getting the songs back we're getting a sonic back I'm so excited we're getting our songs back so on page two in the book the first principle that I want you to focus on this week is that really energy vampire slaying is about energy transformation and it's all about you remember that it's not about what your coworker said to you it's not about what your friend said to you it's not about what you bas did or what the difficult person that you know did her with the backstabber or the gossip or the sniper or whatever they did they did that is not about you that is about them how you respond to it however is about you and that's very difficult for a lot of us to grasp myself included when I'm really mad at a difficult person when somebody does something to me or says something about me or behaves in a non desirable really loveless way with me my instinct you know my ego that tends to rear his ugly head which is always going to be the wrong thing tells me to do something based on their behavior you know what they did that to you then you do this you know they said that that you say that's where the next time they do that I'm going to be ready with this but that's making it about them and I don't want to follow the lead of a difficult person and try to be the most difficult person in the office or in my house you know what I mean so instead one of the first principles that we have to really internalize and start to practice is what you say is about you what I say is about me every word I speak is a testament to the person that I believe I am because you know how we will see some people and they are master communicators they really have a grip on who they are they have a grip on themselves and how they reflect what the substance of who they are is and those people who tend to always be in the response mode one of the basic principles that we want to master in any communication course is I want to respond to people not react to them you know reacting is first thing to the brain first thing out of the mouth first thing to the brain first thing out of the mouth and when you see people who have really mastered communication they first mastered understanding who they were because form follows substance the form is the words what you're saying that follows the substance of who you believe you are and when you are you know on point with who you believe you are the substance the form tends to take shape more naturally but the challenge comes in where when somebody pushes our buttons or behaves in a in a loveless way or in a difficult way or you know in a mean way the left side of our brain were logical things like who we believe ourselves to be in words and language that starts to deactivate because the right side of the brain which is the emotional side starts to activate and it draws us out of the left hand side of the brain making us forget simple things like language and maims forget simple things like who we believe we are and so we decided and we say things based on other people's behavior and then later on we pay for that in some way instead of doing that if I can remember what you say truly is about you it has nothing to do with me even if it's directed towards me and it's about me it has nothing to do with me how I respond to you however that has everything to do with me and that is going to reflect who I believe I am so sounds great in theory but I'm looking for a tactic I'm looking for something to do with that you know so what when I get into a situation now where I'm all crazy I'm going to forget simple things like who I believe myself to be why I believe I'm here how I believe I handle myself in these situations I need a tactic meaning some some something to help me in these difficult situations practice the principle and then I need a tool to help me use the tactic so we're going to be getting into those in the upcoming lessons but I would like you for this week for the next seven days even as you're practicing your tactics in using your tools I would like you to remember that the principle is and we want to say this as we wake up in the morning we want to say this as we go to bed at night we want to say this as we walk in to the office if that's where the difficult people are we want to say this as we're about to talk to the backstabber or the gossip we want to say this as we walk into our house this is all about me my whole experience is about me all of these people are just going to help me remember who I am they're going to help me work through things that I have not yet worked through but it's all a lesson and these are my master teachers and this is not about them this is about me and how I conduct myself in every situation because really when it comes down to when we lose it that reveals where we are in our personal development because and I'm not saying by the way that I don't lose it I have a spot in my personal development that I'm at now I hope it's not the same spot that I'm at in a week and I hope it's not the same spot I was at a week ago because I wasn't perfect a week ago and I don't think I'll be perfect in a week but if I can continue to learn and develop and grow and remember certain principles I can be a more savvy more polished more honest communicator who communicates with more integrity next week than I was last week but it has to start with me because it's all about me so remember this is all about you this experience you're about to have is about you and you want to remember before you speak what they just said or what appears to be going on here because it rarely is really what it appears to be it's just a lesson and it's not about them how I speak is simply a reflection of who I believe myself to be in any situation because how you communicate in any situation is really at the end of the day going to be how you communicate in every situation and there will be some links at the bottom of this page you can buy the book check out the website check out my other courses and whether or not I see you in our upcoming courses or in our store or whether or not you buy the resources I look forward to you joining me in these upcoming lessons and helping me rid the world of energy vampires and instead replace them with savvy polished loving communicators like you and like me this is dan o'connor with data hunter training an energy vampire slaying i'm signing off [Music]

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Id: XrqKb-Bqtvc

Length: 8min 17sec (497 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 28 2016