How to Keep Your Composure | How to Stay Cool | Coping Statements |Professional communication skills

hi everybody this is Dan O'Connor and this is lesson number six in energy vampire slaying 101. communication training today's lesson is from chapter 4 Page 34 and you'll also be using the flash card that comes with the energy vampire slaying course in the back of the workbook and if you don't have those you can either buy them using the links below or follow along with today's lesson and make your own flash cards you ready you're in a meeting you're with your co-workers and your boss and your boss's boss and your boss says something to you or about you that makes you so mad that you are about to explode but you don't want to explode in front of everybody or your boss says something too that makes you feel so terrible you feel like you're about to burst into tears and you don't want to do that what do you start saying to yourself so that you don't cry or you don't burst into tears whichever one seems to be more like you you ready what would you start saying [Music] thank you if you started saying to yourself something such as I'm not going to cry I'm not going to cry I'm not going to cry or I'm not going to get angry I'm not going to get angry you wouldn't like me when I'm angry you're in the majority however chances are you probably would have burst into tears or exploded right in front of everybody because those are some of the worst things you could possibly say and you know this if you've tried saying them in the past so today I'd like to go over coping statements what they are how they work and how to use them what they are are phrases that you want to prepare in advance remember that the Savvy Communicator always has crucial phrases prepared in advance because when we need to use crucial phrases even when we're just thinking them chances are we won't do it correctly because by nature of us needing them were being drawn out of the side of the brain where they live because generally speaking when we need these crucial phrases they are in an emotionally charged situation and remember that the emotional side of the brain draws us out of The Logical side of the brain or the side of the brain where our language patterns live therefore when we get angrier when we get upset we tend to say the wrong things to ourselves that don't have an effect on us controlling our emotions the more they develop computers and the more they learn about brains the more they find the two of them work in a very similar way right and if you had to use those computers way back when when my parents sent me to computer class and we had to learn how to write in DOS remember those screens what are you talking about really that were black and green or black and white we didn't have the visual stimuli that we do today and we had to write in a certain language because if you wrote in the wrong language it wouldn't have any effect on the out output and our brains are the same way if you don't use the right syntax when you're talking to yourself you won't have any effect on your emotions or keeping them in check I realized that we can't just throw our emotions out the window you can't just turn it off as they say in the Book of Mormon by the way have you seen that musical or Have you listened to it hysterical but if we try to turn off our emotions I realize that won't work however let's say that you have 10 opportunities to keep your emotions in check and you don't have any strategies for self-talk or coping statements well chances are you may be able to do it maybe once out of 10 times if you use this strategy or other strategies that we'll be talking about an energy vampire slaying 101 let's just say you get it right or are able to do it once more that's twice as much and that's way more than the average Communicator who has no strategy therefore no advantage over those who do for a coping statement to be effective remember that they have two critical components number one they are positively phrased number two they're in the present what that means is when I say positive I don't mean like oh everybody likes me I'm wonderful I like myself it means you say what you are not what you're not you know when you say I'm not going to get angry I'm not going to let him get to me I'm not going to cry that's all what you're not and the Brain takes that information and doesn't know what to do with it so garbage in garbage out all right so having said that what would you say to yourself to keep your emotions in check if you thought that you might be getting too angry to communicate effectively or if you're getting too upset you might burst into tears based on what we now know what might you say to yourself okay if you said something such as I am going to keep it together or I am going to be strong again you get the gone remember that in the present means what you are now so instead of for example I'm not going to cry I am strong instead of I'm not going to let it get to me I'm not going to get angry I am cool calm and collected a simple template that you can use to properly phrase your coping statements so you can practice them and then have them at the ready when you need them is I am blank I am cool calm and collected I am strong and remember that again seems pretty simple it is not at all simple when you need to do it just like you know in the military they have you take apart your gun and put it back together a million times the reason they have you do that is not so that you can be an expert at taking a gun apart and putting it back together it's because when it comes time for you to need to do something like that chances are emotions will be running high and you don't want to have to stop and think about it you want it to be automatic that's why they keep practicing it over and over and over and over and over and over again so that if they ever need to do that in a high risk situation they don't have to think it just comes naturally and that's the same principle that we want to implement in our communication training you don't want to have to stop and think about it you want it to come naturally so use the flash cards in the back of your book next time we're going to be talking about physical things that you can do to keep your emotions in check so I look forward to seeing you there and remember to like this video share it with your friends and share your experiences with me in the comments below how you've used it what challenges you found what successes you found and if you send me a video comment I'll make sure to post it on this channel in our Slayer reviews this is this is Dan O'Connor from everybody here at Daniel O'Connor training signing off [Music] thank you [Music]

Channel: The Wizard of Words

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Keywords: how to keep your composure, communication training, great online communication skills training courses, dan o'connor communication, online communication skills courses free, online communication skills training courses, communication skills classes online, free online communication skills training courses, free online communication skills training classes, how to keep your composure at all times, how to keep your composure in difficult situations

Id: RYTKNL-Adqc

Length: 6min 56sec (416 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 16 2016