2 Secret Strategies: How to Stay Calm Under Pressure and BONUS TIP: How to Remember Anyone's Name

dan oconnor and it looks like funny will be joining us for at least someone today's lesson so everybody say hello to buddy hey buddy today I have a lot of great things in store for you we're going to be talking about coping statements we're going to be talking about learning names those are a couple of basic professional communication strategies that we haven't covered yet and I wanted to make sure that we covered them before you moved along of course we'll be doing some danger phrases and power phrases the difficult person this week is the time sucker so I can't wait to talk about that difficult person and of course we have our principal of the week so with all of that great stuff let's get started let's talk about when emotions run high when we are communicating as we all know as professional communicators there will be times where our emotions start to take over and emotions run high in many professional communication situations such as dealing with difficult customers dealing with a horrible boss dealing with terrible co-workers or insubordinate employees many times our emotions run high and many times we feel like we're either going to cry or we're going to lose our temper or something like that happens and I believe we covered brain basics but remember that there are basically two sides of the brain that come into play when we're communicating see you later buddy the left-hand side of the brain which is our logical side and the right-hand side of the brain which is our emotional side and remember that language facts and figures numbers logic lives in the left hand side the brain emotions live in the right hand side of the brain creativity lives in the right hand side of the brain big-picture thinking occurs in the right hand side of the brain and many times when emotions are running high what we need to do is take a moment and calm down take a moment for ourselves to cope with the situation and the average person when emotions are running high and they need to take some time and calm down a little bit what do you think the average person says to him or herself for example if they feel as though they are about to try and they don't want to cry what is the average person say to himself or herself mm-hmm right right you know it happens they cry where some people have trouble keeping their temper under control and so when someone starts to push their buttons they'll say things to themselves like I'm not gonna let them get to me I'm not gonna let them get to me I'm not gonna get angry and then Kapow they blow up so what we're going to learn today is a basic strategy to help give our brain the information using the right syntax you know they more they research brains the more they find out about brains and the more they develop computers it's interesting how the more we realize how the two of them work in a very similar way you know you can only give a computer you could only program a computer using certain language patterns or else nothing will happen or else the computer will not know what to do with that information it won't process it and our brains work in a very similar way where we can't just give our brains information any old way there's a certain syntax that we must use a certain language pattern that we must use when we give ourselves information for it to be effective and coping statements are all about that coping statements will help you keep your cool you know we tend to say to ourselves things such as I'm not going to let that get to me I'm not going to get angry and what happens is if we were hooked up to one of those brain machines it has no effect on our brains at all instead remember that coping statements are formulated to have an effect on our brain and coping statements are made up of two critical components component number one they are in the present component number two they are positively phrased so let's go over those two components because number one they are in the present is very simple normally we will say to ourselves things such as I'm not going to get angry I'm not going to let can get to me I'm not going to try and that's all in the future and so our brain really doesn't know how to process that information and therefore it does not and will say to ourselves things that are negative such as I'm not going to get angry I'm not going to cry I'm not a baby I'm whatever I'm not going to let them get to me instead what we want to say is what we are right now so as a very simple template if you wanted to use this as a simple template to create properly formed in statements remember that you can always just use the simple I am phrase and then fill in the blank at the end for example instead of I'm not going to try I am calm instead of I'm not going to let them get to me I'm cool calm and collected and I realized that we can't throw our emotions out the window we can't have total control over our emotions however we can have some control over our emotions as opposed to the average person who has no control because they have not yet invested in simple strategies that help them do that so the next time when you start to feel as though you are emotionally becoming out of control or emotionally charged remember your coping statements now there's a reason by the way we have these flash cards because coping statements when you need them are not easy to formulate like right after I give a lesson such as this one in a class I will ask somebody all right give me a coping statement to help keep your emotions under control if you feel as though you're about to start crying and the average person will say ok I'm going to be strong and they will formulate it positively but in the future so it might sound very simple in the present and positively framed however it's not that easy when you need them because what happens is at the time you need a coping statement you're already in the emotional right hand side of your brain so you want to practice using and reciting coping statements when you don't need them that's where we have that flash card so you carry it around this week I'd like you to focus on coping statements practicing them using them memorizing them so that when you need them you can throw them out and they'll be properly phrased in the present and positive those are coping statements now the next little trick that I'm going to teach you today is all about remembering names because if you've been to one of my conferences many people will comment at the end of them or during them on how I remember everybody's names and they'll say to me how do you remember everybody's name and there are a couple different ways to remember people's names and I know that a lot of people who are watching this video struggle with remembering name and we find ourselves in situations where we're meeting somebody at a professional event for the second or third time and we know we've met them before we know that we have given them that they have given us their name but we can't remember it for the life of us so what I'd like to do is teach you of one very simple strategy and we'll cover more later that will help you remember people's names the next time you see somebody whose name you may have forgotten me don't be afraid to simply walk up to them and say hi I don't know if you remember meeting me but I'm Dan O'Connor what's your name again of course you want to substitute your name for mine but it's normally okay and people don't mind when you walk up to them and say hi I don't know if you remember meeting me but I'm so-and-so what's your name again they'll give you their name and then that's over we don't have to play the old bringing a friend over and say hey ask them what their name is in front of me so that I can pretend like I remember it normally we don't need to do that but to avoid that whole situation the strategy that I have found the most helpful of all is when I meet somebody I'll ask them their name and then when they give me their name I will have to take a moment and mentally picture somebody who shares that name hopefully it's a cartoon character a funny movie character somebody that I know well who is a character what you want to do is associate that person with some other person whose name you know very well and that hopefully strikes an emotional chord with you such as humor because for example I met a woman lately of whose name recently whose name was Patty and so immediately when I met her I in my brain visualized peppermint patty you know from the peanuts standing beside her and kind of holding her shoulders and the reason you want to do that somebody taught me that is when you create that visual image of the person whose name you remember doing something with that person it could be slapped him in the face it could be throwing a football at him it could be holding their hand it could be standing beside them and stroking their hair but when you know somebody who has the same name as someone who you just met picture that person doing something with the person that you just met again something physical were there touching where they're together and what that does is creates a very strong picture in your brain because you're using somebody that you already know that you're already familiar with again it can be real or it can be an imaginary character it could be somebody that you saw in a movie on a cartoon but someone who you're already familiar with if you can connect them with that person that you just met visually and doing something and especially if you can connect it with humor the next time you see that person it's much much easier for your brain to remember not their name but the character that you associated with them doing something with them and that in turn helps you remember their name the other thing that helps you remember people's names is as you're doing this because really unless you have some type of mental hook you will be doomed you cannot remember everybody's name it's impossible if you go to any of those memory seminars or if you read a book on improving your memory they all have that common link they all tell you don't just try and repeat their name in your head or you know say to yourself Mitch Mitch Mitch Mitch don't try to rely on your memory to help you remember things instead you have to play games in your head you have to have hooks you have to have creative stories to help you remember things they all have that in common and so while you're creating that mental hook to help you remember that person's name repeat their name out loud at least three times when you first meet them for example when I met Patti I said hi i'm dan oconnor what's your name and remember that when you meet somebody that's the verbal pattern you want to use not simply hi what's your name you want to say hi I'm so-and-so what's your name as you extend your hand to shake their hand and when I said hi i'm dan oconnor what's your name and she said hi my name is patty I shook out his hand and I said hi patty nice to meet you tell me patty yadda yadda yadda and then after a couple of minutes if you're going to move along if you're gonna meet somebody else especially you know a big social gathering let's say you're at a networking event you say hi Peter it's nice to meet you tell me Peter yada yada yada and then in a few minutes when you're about to move along say well Peter it was really nice to meet you I hope to see you again soon or however you close and then leave you have used their name three times and each time you use it again remember that mental picture that you drew in your head and if you do that you will be able to remember in an entire roomful of people's names it is amazing how much that one trick has helped me I can have a workshop where there might be a hundred fifty people in that workshop and they will say to me at the end if you see me on the street will you remember my name and I'll say of course I will Patti of course I will marry of course I will Joe because once you have really solidified a picture in your brain such as the one we described a character doing something with that person you won't ever forget it and if you do that one thing you can avoid be uncomfortable hi I don't know if you remember meeting me but i'm dan oconnor what's your name again and people will be in awe of your ability to remember everybody's name and now I'd like to move along to our danger and power phrases for work and and the first phrase that I like to give you this week is simply a power phrase there is no danger phrase to go along with this one the power phrase is you should be proud of yourself and the reason i mentioning that is because at home and at work many times we will say to people i'm really proud of you and by the way don't be afraid to say that at work many of us feel uncomfortable saying things such as I'm proud of you at work especially if you are the driver type or the analytical type that we discussed last week but don't be afraid to say that people love to hear the phrase I'm proud of you however what we need to remind other people of sometimes is that they should be proud of themselves as well so if you are going to say for example at home to one of your children you got all A's on your report card I am so proud of you dad and you know what sweetheart you should be really proud of yourself because when you tell a child you should be proud of yourself watch how their physical posture normally changes and their chest will go up and their chin will go up because when you tell somebody you should be proud of yourself that triggers something in most people actually gives us permission to be proud of ourselves and we think yeah I can be proud of myself it's not simply that other people are proud of me I'm proud of myself because it is one thing to have someone proud of you but it is an entirely different thing to be proud of yourself so encourage people to be proud of themselves and if at work you have trouble saying to people that you are proud of them I mean that some people especially for example the drivers find it nearly impossible to say to somebody I'm very proud of you so if that's something that you struggle with it's easier to say sometimes well you did a great job you should be proud of yourself so that is a power braise for the week you should be proud of yourself and your danger phrase for home this week is it's okay when someone is apologizing to you let's talk about that for a moment people apologize to us and frequently what we will do is say to that person it's okay or don't worry about it let's scratch that from our verbal repertoire at home an award instead when somebody says I apologize normally what they will say is I'm sorry or I'm really sorry what we want to say is I forgive you so say that out loud because I bet you're not used to saying it unless you practice right I forgive you is not a common verbal pattern for most people so say that out loud I forgive you now we can couple that with other phrases but we don't want to send a message that it's okay for somebody to mistreat us and so when somebody apologizes for his or her actions when they have mistreated us and we say to them something like it's okay don't worry about it that is sending a message not just to them but to us that it's alright when it's not alright what we mean to say is I forgive you and it's okay to say something such as well you know you did hurt my feelings however I forgive you we all make mistakes and I think it's time to put a period and move along from that so thank you for apologizing it's okay to say that but don't say it's okay say something along the lines of we can move forward things like this happen we all make mistakes but the phrase that we want to be using when somebody asks us for forgiveness is I forgive you and that sends a message that yes this is over however I'm not going to diminish my own world by saying that it's okay to mistreat me so it's okay in response to an apology danger phrase instead I forgive you is the power of grace and now I'd like to move along to our danger phrases and power phrases for work last week we talked a lot about style stepping we talked about the four different personality types and we're going to be transitioning into persuasion techniques in these lessons and I'd like to start out by addressing the verbal pattern so that it so it will so it can these are danger phrases that I'd like you to focus on this week for this reason of course it's not generally a bad idea to use the phrase so that it or so it can so it will these are common verbal patterns however if our intention is to be persuasive if we are saying something to somebody to try to get them to go along with our idea our product our service if we are trying to get them to buy whatever it is that we're selling whether it's an actual service product or simply an idea or proposal we want to use benefit language and benefit language is not about it so that it so it can so it will benefit language it's about the person to whom you are speaking so you want to use phrases such as so you can so you will so instead of for example saying you should switch our office computers from PCs to Mac the benefit isn't because they don't get viruses because they run more efficiently the benefit is so that you won't have to deal with viruses so that you will save time which translates into saving money benefits statements are about the person and and those are always going to include the word you so remember when you are trying to be persuasive and tell somebody I think we should do XYZ so that it's not so that it it's so that you so you will so you can and if you want to make it very easy to deliver properly phrased benefit statements you can very frequently use the lead in line so you can or so that you and now I'd like to talk about our a difficult person of the week wait there's more the last thing I wanted to mention today as a bonus was since we're talking about style stepping and personality types many people have struggled with the question tell me a little bit about your weaknesses whether it's in a job interview or an employee review or if you're talking to your boss or whatever it may be many times when we are asked tell me about your weaknesses it's difficult to respond to that question because we don't really want to reveal our true weaknesses or especially focus on them so here's how you answer that question what you want to do is start out talking about your strengths for example I'm a driver so I would say well my natural strengths being a driver personality type are going to be things such as setting goals and achieving them being able to start projects quickly but of course because I'm a driver I'm going to have to be sensitive to things that actually come naturally to the amiable type such as being sensitive to other people's feelings and not being too aggressive when working with others so those are things that I have to be sensitive to because of my natural strengths which again are things such as setting goals and achieving them and being able to start projects quickly so what you want to do is talk about your strengths and then talk about your opposite personality type strengths as if those were your weaknesses because they're going to be really talked about how you need to be sensitive to those and then circle back to your strengths at the end that is how you answer that question and you're weaving in personality types so you're showing the person not only can you answer the question confidently but you're aware of personality types and how to work with not only yours but others that's your bonus for the week and our difficult person of the week is the time sir [Music] I do have a minute this lesson has continued in the next episode so this is dan oconnor make sure to subscribe and I'll see you on the inside these free effective communication skills training course videos brought to you by communication expert keynote speaker Dan O'Connor

Channel: Online Communication Skills Training Courses

Views: 45,151

Rating: 4.9334259 out of 5

Keywords: dan o'connor communication, communication training classes online, secret strategies, dan o'connor, how to stay calm under pressure, dan oconnor communication, online communication skills training videos with dan o'connor, communication training dan oconnor, online communication skills training videos, online communication skills training videos with dan oconnor, great online communication skills training courses, remember names, remembering names and faces

Id: 3KLdebsQSoo

Length: 20min 3sec (1203 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 25 2017