How to Respond to Condescending Remarks | How to Deal with Passive Aggressive People | Anti-Bullying

hi everybody this is dan oconnor with dan o'connor training and it's time for ask damn you gotta have a talk soon don't wanna sound like a goon you got today's ask Dan question comes from Kareena and Kareena asks hi Dan is there someone wait there is someone that I have to deal with who is very condescending towards me and I've obviously never found an efficient way of answering her because this still happens Thanks all right Korea without knowing the details of the situation and if you could provide them that would be great generally people who are condescending tend to say passive-aggressive things such as if you were in a meeting maybe you had an upcoming holiday party and you said I'd like to help organize that and this condescend or would say something such as hmm yeah you'd be good at that that's what I mean by passive-aggressive comments things that are said with kind of a thin veil of humor but they're actually insults and they're aimed towards you and things like that generally what people who people who communicate that way who communicate in a passive aggressive way do not like assertive communicators or in other words don't like people who are upfront and clear in their communication and who call them on their behavior so I recommend doing that and a simple tactic that so many of us can use on everyday basis is called the clarifying question there are two parts to it number one you repeat back what the person says number two you ask them using a closed-ended yes-or-no question what the real intention is and you state through the question what you believe their intention is such as if I were to say to the condescend or something such as condescend er when you say that you think it'd be good at that it sounds like you're saying you don't think I'd be good at that is that what you're trying to say and it's a good idea to say is that what you are trying to say is that what you're trying to tell me because it's by saying that you're saying it sounds like you're trying to say this but you need some help so I'll help let me clarify that for you and people who are passive-aggressive communicators don't like that because number one they're called in their behavior in a clear upfront way you're not adding anything to it and you're simply stating to them when you communicate that way with me I'm going to call you on your behavior and make you state what you're really trying to say it takes a lot out of it and if the behavior still continues after that I recommend having a talk with them using something such as a desk script and by the way these resources are going to be available below in the description of this video resources that go along with this so make sure to click on those links and what you'll probably find I would guess is you know we want people to feel the way we feel that is human nature you know like if you've ever been dumped Karina you know that you want to call your best friend and you want your best friend to join in your pity party that day just as if you win the lottery you want to call it your best friend and you want to party with him or her so I'm assuming that this condescend er feels mmm impotent without power they don't feel as though they're really as good as they think they are they feel as though they might be exposed for the broad they believe they are so they go around wanting other people to feel incompetent as well so keep that in mind you know always communicate with kindness as I'm sure you do if you're asking a question on how to deal with this rather than just firing off first thing at the brain first thing of the mouth and also I recommend checking out our link which will also be below on making and using a personal compass you'll find that helpful but for starters freedom try the clarifying question remember the next time they say something condescending to you repeat it back come to sender you just said XYZ it sounds like you're really saying XYZ is that what you're trying to say so ask them to be clear with their communication is really the point and that puts them on alert and for those watching it lets them know wow you're an upfront savvy polished communicator that is always to our benefit so keep watching Corina and everybody else thank you very much for watching make sure to keep sharing these videos liking them leaving your comments and leaving your video questions I'll send you a video answer also I recommend checking out our course because in our online course you'll find lots of resources that help you with strategies such as the one I just described so that you can deal with this and many other difficult people both at work and at home and Karina I appreciate your question for those of you who also have questions make sure to leave them either in the comments below or send me a video question that sends yours right to the top I will answer it in a video response and check out our store at store dan oconnor training comm we have some new resources of a new book that just came out we're putting out some new webinars some new live events are coming so subscribe to our VIP member list and if you join that list you'll get these training tips before anybody else does so I thank you all for your support this is Dan O'Connor for everybody here at Downtown training setting off communication training with Stan Tolkien honored yes

Channel: Online Communication Skills Training Courses

Views: 103,274

Rating: 4.94136 out of 5

Keywords: effective communication skills training videos, communication expert, communication keynote speaker, body language, communication expert keynote speaker, dealing with difficult people, professional communication skills training, communication skills, communication training, communication workshop, communication course, online communication training, professional communication skills, How to respond to condescending comments, How to deal with passive-aggressive people

Id: BmBJ69xhfXg

Length: 5min 11sec (311 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 24 2016