How to Set Boundaries, Maintain Focus, and End Distractions | Chalene Johnson on Women of Impact

from broke to building and selling several multimillion-dollar lifestyle companies today's women of impact is a force to be reckoned with the infomercial Queen she sold over 6 million fitness videos and holds a Guinness Book of World Records for having starred in the most fitness videos ever yep she was bench pressing a ton of success one after another but all of that comes a price she was clocking 90 hour work weeks and the thought of taking any time off led to crippling Gil and the feeling of unworthiness suffering from steady decline in health including brain fog mood swings and chronic pain and injuries her definition of health was coming into question so like Trinity she plugged into the matrix and downloaded knowledge from the leading researchers doctors and scientists on everything from nutrition to metabolism lika hormone balance and disease her world glitched and in turn changed the course of her life for ever now a business coach serial entrepreneur celebrity fitness trainer and New York Times bestselling author of push and author of the smash hit one three one method she is helping tens of millions of people around the globe transform their bodies and their lives so please help me in welcoming the woman Huffington Post recognized as one of the top 50 female entrepreneurs to watch in 2017 the host of two top ranked podcast with over 20 million downloads the diet debunker herself chalene johnson I'm Lisa V new and I went from housewife to co-founder of the billion dollar company quest nutrition and now president of impact theory our mission with this show is to empower you and all women to recognize you really can become the hero of your own life welcome to women of impact thank you so much to the show got excited so what I want to start is talk to me about the feeling of unworthiness because there's so many people I think that feel like that and how to actually learn a lent to your burnout yeah I when I think about it it's not even unworthiness so much as unqualified ah like not good enough I know some people think of unworthy but that word for me really is like I'm not qualified to be here and and I'm someone's gonna find out and so I'm gonna overdo it you know I'm gonna go above and beyond so that no one questions that I deserve to be here so the the thing that ultimately made me the best-known which was Fitness was not something I ever intended to be my thing even today I don't think it's my life's purpose it was an opportunity to get us out of debt it was the thing that I became known for because I had to I had five different businesses at once and I'm like I've got to get focused I need to pick one this one I see an opportunity these others are perhaps even more interested in are bankrupting us so let me focus on this and because it wasn't like my life's mission passion it wasn't my what my degree was in I always felt like oh gosh people gonna find out that like this isn't my thing but all my life I've always worked to prove that I have value to anyone and that if I ever took a break you know that would all surface so what were the steps you have to take in order to overcome that the steps were recognizing that it wasn't a badge of honor to be a workaholic you know it was and hearing it from my husband it was really an ultimatum from him I'm deep in this addiction to work which I don't realize in the addiction I just think it's like I'm just I'm harder working than most people right like I thought it was an honor and the way that he dealt with it was to keep himself busy and distract himself and he was gambling and I didn't realize it and so it's the perfect storm where you've got one person who needs to make money and be able to justify it and another person who's burning through it and in their own addiction so we each had these addictions and I discovered his gambling like a detective you know like I had my receipts I had the you know I was doing all the phone records like before I confront him before I sat him down in the couch and said okay listen here's what I know I spent a couple of weeks figuring out like okay so now I know this has happened what am I gonna do without talking to him okay we've got two children we have these businesses we have mountains of debt that I didn't realize because I stuck my head in the sand in that regard and so now I'm going to confront him with this and if he says this I do this if he says this I do that so I always say to people don't fear the unknown imagine it and then you know yourself so depending on which outcome just you know what you'll do and have a plan and so that's what I did and I sat him down and told him what I needed for him to do and the way that he responded was I'm going to therapy but you're going to therapy too and I was like mmm I'm just all perfect over here just working hard you know and I really did feel very righteous when I went to therapy at first like homeless just wait till you hear this story out of your favorite client you know and I I really did learn that my addiction might be more socially acceptable but we were both in our addiction that's really interesting why do you think it's more socially acceptable and what are the things that were breakthroughs for you to then change that mindset realizing that each of our addictions were equally destructive hmm that each of our addictions were a way to escape a way to prove our value that each of our addictions were a way to disconnect from other people to numb ourselves to feel validated to feel or not feel and that I had to figure out like why do I feel this way like I had me if someone just said work less I would still be who I was I had to get to the root of why do I feel that way why do I not feel good enough I could not go see a movie or take a Saturday off or sit on the couch and I would tell myself okay if you sit there and watch a movie you better be working in your head or you're going to be a waste of a person like I would pretend to be engaged or pretend to be relaxed because I didn't know how to be anything but that and I think one of the most important steps to growth is personal responsibility like you have to take responsibility for your own stuff you know and and I wasn't gonna grow everything in my life was gonna be the same unless I realized my own responsibility in that and that was hard yeah because it's much more fun to blame right easier so how do you then take that responsibility and not let it erodes you as a person and how you see yourself because I know a lot of people do right they'll beat themselves out and then erodes their credit bit or even the credibility with themselves and their own confidence yeah I find extremely empowering I do too but is that how you felt at the time as well or did you I thought about it but every when you said that just now I think about times even recently where I've had like a kind of a breakthrough something I'm it's always I'm really upset with other people and then I realize like oh wait that's me you know and then I always feel like so I'm like hey guess what it was me like it feels better yeah when you realize that like it does feel really empowering because now you have an answer before then you're just like frustrated like why it like I hate it when I hear people say like everyone walks all over me it's like well no everyone does it like you're allowing that you know and that's the only thing I can control is really me you know I don't know if he'll slip back into addiction at any point but I know myself and that's all that I can that's all that I can control yeah oh god I love that all right so many things that let's talk about them boundaries because how do we then set those boundaries one of my very good friends Aaron who actually passes once out I kept saying I want to get her on the show I want to get her on the show and she kept saying to me she takes what she what she says yes to very seriously you know yeah yeah and she's like she has her priorities she politely says no to a lot of things yeah and so I kept saying like have you all just like yep she's polite he said no yeah politely said no and I was like I so respect this woman oh my god because you seemed to and I'd love to actually know if it's true but you seem to know what you want what your priorities are in life and then here everything else is just fat that you're trimming yep and talking me through that because that's something I'm really trying to work on right now and I so admire you for doing that well thank you for asking I am passionate about this because I needed it first of all my attention I have a TD so I want to do everything everything seems like a great idea and a new idea and I love people and I love to make money so like all of these things are really detrimental to someone who needs to stay grounded so we started by creating together my husband and I what we called a priority clarity statement and I think people say well my family is my priority or this is my party what we like to do is go in this season of our lives what area do it that's really important to us is the most off and we need to get it right and we write out the clarity so like what does that mean what is it we're trying to honor and what would be to dishonor it so when this happened we sat down and we made a priority clarity statement and it had great specificity that we were done working at 3:00 p.m. that we we had people working in her home but we everyone had to leave at 2:45 before the kids came home from school that we didn't work on the weekends that every contract I negotiated we would decline the contract if it was required of me to do a certain number of appearances I would only do two appearances a year that we would only do certain number of projects that I would only do one what we call big thing and a big thing might be to travel and speak a big thing might be to just stay home but I'm I'm going deep into research that's a big thing that takes me away so we agree we would only do one big thing a month that would take less in like three or four days we had very specific policies on our children and and each other we had policies around dates we had policies around conversations money everything and a lot of it was things like wow that's gonna be hard but this would be a lot harder is not being with you and not having this and that's where you started implementing these kind of rules let's say or yeah I'm only gonna work until 3:00 a.m. how did you then weigh your options because I'm sure for someone that's used to work in 90 hours a week right and in your head it's like but if I don't work this much I can't get the empire I'm trying to build if I don't do this on how did you weigh those options of like it probably did slow your business down I see for sure yeah how did you emotionally work through that because it's something I know a lot of people deal with and especially even myself yeah so once we had this which I recommend people do like create a priority statement in writing because every time an opportunity presents us up you're like well this once well this isn't gonna happen again you know I'm only 25 once or you know we're only gonna be in France once like you think these things like well and if we do this now then later so once we had a statement it was and I'm a yes person it was so easy to go and read the clarity same and go oh it doesn't fit it's so easy to say thank you so much for thinking of me but unfortunately I can't and until then every decision felt like a yes and so I had to say what's more important my career what is important to me and it was in writing you know cuz I I know I knew what it felt like to almost lose all that and I I can lose my business take all my money away take my car saying take it all away I can I can build it back because I believe in myself I believe in bonne abundance like it might the blessings are so abundant they just keep raining down too much for me to deal with I gotta give away so that's one thing I don't need to worry about but what I do need to carefully covet and protect is my time because I can't get more of that and once we had the statement it was like wow I know why I'm saying no you know yeah I love that so much you said something about control and I just had your podcast on letting go so talk to me about that because it's like as I'm listening to the podcast about your control and letting go I'm like yes yes but I still want to control and it's like yes you've got to let go but talk to me about that because it seems like you're saying let go let things you know come to you but at the same time you're going through your walls which seem very controlling hmm so um how do they coexist yeah I think that's a great question I don't have it all figured out what I've learned is that I can control me everything outside of me I can't control but I still you know like there's a photo shoot that's not my photo shoot going on in my house today and I just stopped by to see how things were going it's not my photo shoot I'm not the talent I'm not the photographer I'm not the director and I still walked in and was like you know what if you guys turned his hips a little bit that way and if you move and I'm like what am i doing but it's because I have a creative eye for things I have a way that I see things could be and that's the part I still sometimes struggle with because I know what I want things to look like and I think it's a gift I just have to learn that sometimes I'm gonna be able to exercise those things or make them happen and sometimes I'm not and when I can't I just have to let it allow it to happen how do you actually do that so let's say you're in the moment and you're like okay you can't control this how do you handle that specifically when you're in that moment like what do you tell yourself I say it's okay to say it okay but I might not get my what it is I am like a suggestion we're in the past I used to think it has to be this way and now especially with the more success I want to have and time the more I have to let other people's vision be what I end up with otherwise I have to micromanage everyone and then I don't have any time I'm if I really want to live this life that I want to live where I'm making more passive income and empowering other people to do things better than me I have to let them do it otherwise I'm not living that life and so it's just perspective and learning it just doesn't serve me it makes me sick it makes me anxious it's so detrimental to my health so I'm just learning just being better not great at it but getting better yeah talk to me about your health and how all of that spiraled yeah well I I didn't know my health was spiraling I thought there was something wrong with my brain so with my podcast I had a guest on who is a neurologist and he said you know afterwards we were chit-chatting and I was sharing with him some of the symptoms I was having I was just so easily distracted and I couldn't get work done so I had to like lock myself away literally in a closet and he said you know that's not normal I'm like it's not said no why don't you come and have your brain scan so I did now at the time I had a number one infomercial I was at the height of my fitness career I was teaching 10 classes a week I was designing new workout programs that was the leanest I'd ever been and I went and had my brain scanned and I had my hormone panel done and I had a nutrition panel done and I sat across the desk from dr. Ayman and he just said I know what you do but you're not healthy and I was like you want to check there was sure those are mine do you know what I do like me right what suggestion could you possibly have for me you know and it's kind of going through the checklist like well have you recently done chemotherapy do you have a history of drug use or head trauma and and I had some pretty serious concussions as a kid but the appearance of my brain had this dimpling that is very similar to people who have you know like a chemical dependency or brain damage and I'm like well what is this problem he's like well we should we should really find out let's send you fruit sleep size do all these things and really the bottom line is it was all self induced it was running on three hours of sleep it was restricting my diet so carefully it was I was afraid of real food and was think that I was afraid of real food I didn't know what to eat other than to listen to what all the other Fitness folks were saying to eat and I lived on bars and processed protein cookies and processed shakes and I just never ate real food to be frank very rarely ate real food I couldn't control that you know I mean like if it was packaged I knew and then I more you know low fat lower calories so I was over exercising under eating not eating the right not eating anything really that was truly real and then no sleep and in the process I just said was destroying my health and it was it was a real wake-up call and it was right after I'd shot a video series where I I knew I had gone too far really well you know here's the deal with the fitness paradigm the more you exercise the less effective it is right so knowing that and in my mind already feeling like an impostor like I don't I I hope no one finds out I didn't study exercise science someone's gonna call me out there's people who are taller prettier leaner fitter more knowledgeable you know in order to overcome that I was always thinking like I gotta stay lean I gotta stay lean and when I showed up to do a program and it was suggested that I get leaner so that it would be more marketable and I was like I'm already exercising like three hours a day how will I do this and I'm like the only thing I can do now I guess is maybe eat less and exercise more that was always my like goatee like let's exercise more so I plant up to about four hours a day of exercise which in order to do that you got awake and you got kids and I you don't want people to know about this because then what a fraud are you if you're saying you can get these results in 30 min today but it takes me four hours you know so I felt like a fraud I didn't want anyone to find that out and I knew my fitness programs were were worked and they were transforming people's lives I just thought it doesn't work for me and I can't let anyone find this out so I would wake up at 4 a.m. to exercise for a couple of hours and then go teach a class and then maybe you know say I was gonna do a walk in the afternoon but it would really be an hour run and and then just cut my calories and cut my calories and cut my calories to the point where I couldn't think couldn't think straight my digestion was horrible I was emotional and I always knew I was like when there might come a week where I can't spend four hours a day exercising then what will happen you know so it's really learning like I don't know what health is I don't know what health is I've just been listening to other so-called experts and kind of regurgitating and repeating what I heard people say so I pulled myself out of health and fitness and announced it to my followers like I don't have the answers for you but I am want to be transparent tell you I need to figure out what I've done because if I've done this to myself and you've been trusting me I have an obligation to find out what is what is true health what is it and I set out on a mission and kind of discover for myself what it meant to be healthy God yeah our stories are so similar what would you have done differently or what could somebody have said to you and this is something I battle with I don't know if there is anything that someone could have said to me to stop my trajectory and in hindsight is where I see where I went wrong so I try to think like what were the words someone could say or someone watching this episode or listening to this episode right the second that is feeling that they've got the pressure of being lean they're changing their tire they're working out crazy hours what are the things that you can say that can break them free I don't know if there is anything sure but is there anything for you that you think could have happened someone could have said to you whether it was your husband or something that could have prevented you from getting to that extreme in health issues yeah I know what it is for me I know as for everyone else for me it is looking at science it was easy for me to make that distinction when it came to exercise so I could look at like a well-designed exercise program and mechanics and I would study it probably be a lot to do with my you know impostor syndrome I would be like okay you want me to create a strength training program I won't look at what anyone else is doing in the industry or what anyone else trying to sell sell us I'm going to go to the University and a look at the studies on muscle development and recovery and I'm going to design a program around that if someone or if I myself had thought maybe I should do some research on the other areas of Health like nutrition sleep environment mood digestion god health like if I had realized that that was all part of health and that health isn't something easily photographed on Instagram fact has nothing to do with what you see yeah I think that would have been that would have inspired me to do the research and once I go into research mode then I feel empowered nothing makes me feel more calm and confident than knowledge hmm they're taking that control right like yeah like owning and yeah the science is so powerful when you look at the data like you can't argue with data yeah but you can argue about your opinion of is that does this look healthy right when someone's showing you like your brain scan like that's just another level of fact that you can't argue yeah and and also then to be able to say okay so if if I do these things and now I have a test to be able to compare my results to I can know in a short period of time if I'm making improvements I will see it in a way other than the scale or other than my body fat and it was very motivational for me to be able to go back and take another nutrition panel to take another hormone panel to have my brain scanned again it was really motivating you've mentioned impostor syndrome a couple of times and we heard your podcast on which was fantastic talk to me about that because I noticed especially women and I don't like to bucket people but just from my own experience a lot of women have Fausta syndrome yeah why do you think it is and then how did you phone how did you overcome it yeah impostor syndrome is interesting because it's not necessarily a bad thing all right look trusting you don't think so no because that's how this how think about children when they're there at home they play house right like you're you're playing this thing until you become that thing you're teaching you're rewiring your brain to become that thing and so we really have made it like this Oh horrible thing that people have imposter syndrome but I think a lot of us do like you know I I remember when we first started making a little bit of money and I met this woman at my son's school who lived in a big-ass stravagant house and I remember going to pick up my son who'd had a playdate at her house and I just remember feeling like a little bit of an imposter but also thinking to myself but I could get used to this I could do this you know and I think that's part of imposter syndrome is realizing Lily yeah I don't feel like I am this person yet but I'm I'm kind of playing this part and that's what we have to do until we become that thing which is different from being inauthentic ah I see what you're saying yeah so I think in our inauthenticity you're pretending to be someone you're not versus imposter syndrome where it's like I'm I'm stepping in and kind of playing this part of something I'm becoming or I want to be you don't hear too many people talk about imposter syndrome when it relates to things they don't want to be it's something you're growing towards right so I don't know that it's necessarily that bad I really like that I've never had someone put it in that wonderful and you seem to have just like so much guts to do things and just go for it is that natural for you or do you feel the fear and ignore it I feel the fear for sure and I ignore it and part of this for me is something that not everybody has and I wish they did like I know we're supposed to get that from within and I do get it from within but man it's it's amplified because I have people who are my biggest fans like I know no matter what I do my husband will love it no matter what so that's always like I don't here people have a problem with that he's gonna love it cuz it's me and my parents you know and and my kids I know that no matter what I do and how much people might disagree with it though the people I love the most will still love me and but I you know just to be honest I wonder because there are people who don't have those people in their life right now they're out there and they're probably in your life you just haven't given them permission to serve that role but it is easier when you know you've got like a ride-or-die you know whether that's your best friend or your mom or your aunt or your you know your sister like or your spouse like when you have a writer diet that's it gives people a lot of confidence I just have a great quote from you and you post it on your Instagram about fear and it was a poster says everything you want is on the other side of fear and your copy you said you are an adult mommy and daddy's disappointment isn't helping you stop allowing your fear of making a mistake and looking foolish to hold you down the only thing that makes you look foolish is doing nothing you must make mistakes to be successful at anything make it messy you'll never know if it's the right thing if you don't try yeah that was awesome yeah how do you take those first steps oh because that's always the thing raised like even if intellectually you know okay yeah I hear what you're saying like don't let you know the thing you're past dictate you not trying but taking that first step overcoming that moment of fear do you have any like tips that you do if you do feel like that is it you just repeat like that your family supports you or like what does that look like it's just looking at the evidence like you you can't deny a fact that anyone who's good at what they do anyone who's successful has made a boatload of mistakes you know and and if you talk to the people who had a brilliant idea or an invention or a dream and it's stuck they never tried and they were really afraid and those people are usually very very perfect you know and I think a lot of that stems from our childhood I think it's really important that people especially parents encourage their children to make a boatload of mistakes and keep trying because that's the one thing successful people have in common is a bajillion messy failures and failures make through the funniest stories like they're not interesting if you haven't had a million failures it's like the best dinners the best conversations are you're like oh my god this is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me let me tell you how this went down that's so much more fun than a perfect story I'm just not interested in perfect people it's not that cute it's not that fun I don't know what life would be like if I didn't have a little bit of an adrenaline rush happening in my life at all times so I'm always looking for something that's gonna be new for me and usually that means it's gonna be messy yeah I love that you always say messy okay so you also posted something that I found fascinating when you said win winners do this and you had a list of different ones I chose one that I found fascinating that I really want to talk about so you said winners focus on one thing and you said being a DD you've learned you have to focus how do you do that yeah I think the more creative you are and the more multi interested and the splintered easier it is to splinter your attention the more incumbent is it is upon you to manage your focus and that was probably my greatest obstacle was I never learned how to focus or finish anything as a kid I was always encouraged to Oh try that for ten minutes and I could quit you know and they would say oh try that try that I never learned to focus I was usually doing five things at once and acknowledged for that and realizing I'm never gonna be good at anything if I don't like to focus on one thing if you think about when you're growing up there's that kid who's great at basketball that girl who's awesome at gymnastics the the kid who's a great actor like you know and I always wanted to I want to be great at something someday and I kept trying a million different things assuming well that thing will reveal itself I'll just I'm okay at all these things but like the thing that I'm really good I just gonna pop up in front of me until I just realize like now that's that's actually not working out so well I just need to pick one and the way I recommend people do this is by creating safeguards so you have to give other people permission to keep your on track especially if you're one of those people is like let's try let's do this now I'm doing that now I'm into this you got to give someone permission to call you out which for me was my husband and then you have to know the things you fixate on because those become distractions and every time we're distracted we're we're losing momentum and energy towards the thing that we're focused on so for me it's when I work for a period of like three hours about my you know deep concentration time my phone goes on silent I don't open up any browsers I don't have notifications I go to my phone or my desktop I'm very clear about my boundaries to my family and friends so they know like you can't reach me during these hours and I hide myself away so they're not distracted by other people's conversations because I'm easily distracted I try not to Network much cuz every person I mean I'm like oh we should be besties I should be doing what you're doing let's go on vacation I gather you know so I'm like I can't have new friends and it's you know it's a distraction and I I just really try to look only at my race and not at what everybody else is doing because when I'm looking at what everyone else is doing it looks like all that looks like I something I should be doing but I never feel good if I don't finish what I'm working on so I always say pick one I know you have five things you're good at I know you have five ideas and five different things that could work pick the one that has the most obvious opportunity right now it doesn't have to be the one that's your life's calling pick the one that's the obvious opportunity right now I saw an opportunity in fitness but my love and my passion of thing I've been doing since I was a kid is entrepreneurship I love it but I had to wait by focusing on an opportunity first how did you create those habits so you know I kids I keep reminding myself you're the person that was working 90 hours a week and now you go to like I'm doing three hours a day super intense I'm gonna focus I'm not gonna open browsers how do you change that habit because I find myself as much as I tell myself like as I was doing your research the research in your nose it's all these podcasts and all your tips and I thought this is amazing and you're talking about for instance and your environment and you said you need to just figure out how to create a great environment that you're not strapped in every two seconds and I was like but that's a waste of time because that's how I think right like being tied is a waste of time and then you said the amount of time you waste looking at something oh yeah and I do that yeah that's exactly what I do as I'm sitting here researching you I'm looking at the corner of my eye that I had you know like my headphones just sitting there in the book sitting and it was yes how do you create the habit to then switch that so that you focus that you don't open the browser so that you're able to hide your space for this three hours into your research well the first step for me was to invest in personal development like any any skill you don't have there's someone out there who's like the genius at it for me my heart is with Brian Tracy I really like learned how to focus by studying everything that he created on that subject and then making your own systems and I had to understand why that upset me if the beds not made or the house isn't organized is because it's in my subconscious all day I am taught in my head I might be working on assignment but I'm toggling back and forth to the fact that there's dishes in the sink and my clothes are on the floor upstairs and and you might not realize it but especially for women it's in your subconscious so now I realize the way I develop that habit is by focusing on the reward yeah it takes the extra couple of minutes for me to make my bed or to hang up my clothes after I've tried on five pairs of pants right but knowing that I'm gonna be so much more productive when I sit down and I know everything is an order and it won't be messing with my head it won't be hanging over the back of my head subconsciously while I'm trying to to really be focused so I can work much more effectively and therefore I have more time because I don't want to work more I want to have more time so for me it was learning that and also that I had to stop wanting credit for everything and doing it myself it wasn't that I thought I was the best person to do it cuz a lot of us are afraid to let go of control or to delegate and we think it's because well no one can do it as well as me but for me becoming really self-aware meant realizing I wanted credit would you think you want to credit for what was it feeling I wanted you to think I was amazing that I could do all of these things like I wanted you to just be blown away that really you did Martha Stewart and chalene johnson I'll roll up into one like I want people be really never I was like what right that's at what cost I'm not living my life if I'm trying to do all these things myself when somebody else can do it better and if I truly want to work less live more I have to empower people the bigger your dream is the more powerful your team needs to be if it if you don't have a team around you you you are the ceiling on your dream yeah so if you had to give let's say two or three tips on how people can build the habits to not be distracted because like I said I try and I'm like all right you're not gonna pick your phone up for an hour and then I hear vibrating I'm like and then yeah before we know it I'm 30 minutes in I'm like oh god I've picked up my phone 500 on doing it yeah so I have a word yeah I my word I say wait when I catch myself but you have to learn to catch yourself an example that might be I will open up Instagram with the intention of posting something to my own feed and I open it up and I'm on my I'm like oh what's that person doing and I and I'll say wait okay and give myself like okay you can go back to the after you do what you need to do so I say wait and then it is literally having physical boundaries right so if I know I'm gonna be on my phone to fall asleep at night then I have to physically move it so I can't trust myself not to just go into my own you know so I will have to physically move it away I need I need a lot of layers everybody needs a lot of layers of accountability like just telling yourself it's the right thing to do is not enough have physical layers have other people that you get permission to do that have alarms I have alarms on my phone that go off to remind me to do certain things and then or not do certain things all those reminders help I love that yeah okay and then another thing that you said winners do and that you mentioned it earlier we said you say no so I love that you say when you say no don't give reasons why why do we do this I find myself still down here I want to give them a reason I don't want them to think I mean and being yes just saying no because I don't but sometimes I'm like I just want to hang out with my husband yes so I've started almost being honest about that and being like I'm sorry so Saturdays for me is my date day with my husband I don't get to see him much so talk to me about saying no and why we give excuses or reasons not even excuses reasons and how you stop yourself from doing that but we do it because we're people pleasers we care about other people I know that's why I do it and so I would like to encourage people who struggle with that too instead of saying no to say I would love to I just can't right now thank you so much for offering so I think it's important for us to learn that when we are saying yes we're saying no to something perhaps far more important to us right and you know a great example is someone reached out to me today but I don't particularly want to spend a day with and they're coming to my area and I thought I should give all the reasons why I can't and all these are legitimate reasons well and I was gonna send it like oh I'm doing this I'm doing this I'm doing this and I instead it's like no wait just say I wish I could unfortunately it won't work this week and I didn't have to give all the reasons mm-hmm you know I love that I'm gonna use that wait that's really good you know just like wait and then the third one I pulled from your to be a winner is if you believe you can you will yeah and talk to me about the power of belief and how that has played into your mindset and success I just think it's true what you believe is true my husband and I when we we used to have this group that would meet on Tuesday mornings at 5:00 a.m. we called ourselves the three percenters and we invited a group of you know other professionals people in different businesses different stages of their business and we just wanted to be around like you know people were really inspired by growth and doing big things and we would meet and we'd spend about an hour and each week we would write down our goals and share them it was kind of a mini mastermind and one of the exercises which was my suggestion I said let's everybody write down where you want to be five years from now and I thought oh I came up with this idea so this better if it's not like pretty bougie so I wrote you know we will have sold our company we will be living on the water we will be and I remember thinking I'm gonna read this and I guess it's within the realm of possibilities but I don't know if I'm gonna I don't know if right now I believe that's where we'll be I believe it's possible I don't know if I I believe that's where we'll be and we are but is long and so we put too much weight into the word belief I think it's like is it do you believe it's in the realm of possibilities right if it's in the realm then you believe that's enough start moving towards it state it put it out to the universe because and put it in writing and so I always have a like you know before we start I said can I get a pen because if something amazing happens to me or there's something I want to remember that you said Lise I need to write it down because then I put it into universe and it's like a direct line to God in my mind there's something so powerful about taking your own handwriting and forming each letter and it just you're searing it into your subconscious and you begin to work on it even when you don't realize it and little did I realize so many of those things on that five-year plan I didn't work towards them I did that bat mourning for God about it and later I found that piece of paper I'm like holy that's so crazy cuz I wasn't even really thinking we were gonna do this but I believed it was possible and how much you think the reverse is true when someone doesn't believe that that they won't achieve it I remember no you gave the story about how someone wrote to you about your house and was like oh my god I would never have I'd never have a house like yours but and you're like why can you have a house like yeah and do you think that that is the same thing the same truth when when people will write to me and they'll say I'm thinking about your new fitness program or your new health program but nothing has ever worked for me and I just feel like this won't work for me either and I would say you're right you're right it's not the time don't waste your money on this yet if you believe it's in the realm of possibilities yes but if you do not believe it's going for you it will not if you believe that you you are in a horrible marriage it's a horrible marriage if you believe your job sucks your job sucks if you believe that you're unattractive you're unattractive like these things are truths because you believe them to be so and that is a hard thing for a lot of people to accept and they I think they they think to themselves well do I really believe that I'm beautiful or do I really believe I could be a millionaire just ask yourself do you believe it's in the realm of possibilities because if it is that's what you should focus on not the obstacles when we have obstacles they we fixate on them so I grew up in Michigan riding motorcycles and that was one of the first things my dad taught us we rode trials and they're kind of like you have to ride over this like kind of crits not speed it's like you have to ride over crazy terrain and make it over logs and rocks and through rivers and every time you put your foot down you get a deduction and so you see these obstacles that on the course that are next to you and if you look at them my dad taught us and we were really young you run into it right whatever you look at like if you've ever gone skiing or snowboarding you know whatever you look at you run into so don't fixate on your obstacles fixate on your the direction you don't even have to know the exact address of your finish line just generally know what direction you're headed in I love that analogy yeah all right what's your superpower girl you got so many but it got to choose one empathy hmm yeah I think that when I say it's a superpower meaning it gives me joy and happiness and and when I think about the things that make me happy it's people and getting to know people and understanding people and helping people and all of that is fueled by empathy and and you know an emotional IQ those are things that make me happy do you think that that has helped you get to where you are today oh yeah for sure you know I I haven't sold tens of millions of exercise DVDs because I know a lot about fitness I understand people you know what I understand what they're thinking and fee and when you understand people it's much easier to translate that into whatever problem you're trying to solve you just understand like okay what motivates what makes people happy what motivates people where can people find you and all the great stuff that you're doing I'd love to have people listen to podcast the chalene show especially because people were watching this they they're into personal growth so I think you'll love chalene show and then I'm most active on Instagram and I'm chalene johnson on instagram awesome all right guys gotta go check her out it's so freakin entertaining I'm telling you all her videos her poses so motivational but come from such a real rule place so go check her out if you haven't already and if you're not subscribed subscribe click that little subscribe button down there if you're not following me follow me at Lisa Billy and until next time guys be the hero of your own life comes out [Music] what up guys Lisa here thanks so much for watching this episode and if you haven't already subscribed keep that little bone right in front of you click click click away we release episodes every Wednesday so be sure to get notified until next time go be the hero of your own life

Channel: Women of Impact

Views: 99,727

Rating: 4.9380283 out of 5

Keywords: women of impact, woman of impact, lisa bilyeu, tom bilyeu, impact theory, quest nutrition, motivation, inspiration, Chalene Johnson, Lisa Bilyeu, Women of Impact, Impact Theory, WOI, Tom Bilyeu, brain fog, chronic health, nutrition, anxiety, business coach, entrepreneur, push, beachbody, 131, fitness, imposter syndrome, workaholic, addiction, boundaries, responsibility.

Id: yn0GgM4wguI

Length: 45min 9sec (2709 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 23 2019