This Doctor Explains Why You Feel Empty and How to Change | Anna Yusim on Women of Impact

we've all heard of sigmund freud his groundbreaking discoveries of psychoanalysis from 1856 to 1939 brought to light the effects the unconscious mind has on human behavior and his studies still remain influential to this day but guys that was over 80 years ago since then we've invented the microwave a man walked on the moon iphones internet and youtube have all been created yep evolution is a fundamental part of who we are and so our theories and understanding on the human mind must also evolve and today's guest is at the forefront of this discussion after completing her studies at stanford yale medical school and the nyu residency training program in psychiatry today's woman of impact found herself living the life she thought she always wanted but she couldn't shake the fact that something was still missing so she turned to the techniques and tools she'd learnt during her medical training but it didn't help something was still missing from her life and like a match to a flame her spiritual journey was ignited while studying kabbalah she lived in over 50 countries working with south american shamans and indian gurus as well as learning buddhist meditation and now having spent more than 15 years studying conducting research she's come to a startling conclusion our lingering feelings of dissatisfaction directly coincide with our spiritual neglect she has now taken her discoveries and in her best-selling book fulfilled how the science of spirituality can help you live a happier more meaningful life she lays out the fascinating scientific research and through inspiring success stories she integrates the best of western medicine with universal spiritual principles to help her patients and the rest of the world find more meaning more joy and more fulfillment in their lives showing that unlike freud's photo on wikipedia everything isn't always black and white with over 70 academic articles on various topics in psychiatry this woman of impact is helping us achieve our highest level of psychological emotional and mental fulfillment so guys please help me in welcoming the woman who is filling us up with actionable steps on how to reclaim our lives the woman who is filling us up with tactics on how to overcome fear and doubt and the woman who is filling us up with her mission to help us truly be fulfilled the utterly fulfilling anna use him [Music] i'm lisa biliu and i went from housewife to co-founding a billion-dollar company quest nutrition and now president of impact theory our mission with this show is empower you and all women to recognize you really can become the hero of your own life welcome to women of impact thank you so much lisa welcome to the best introduction ever thank you you've got so much gold in your book so but what i want to start is talk to me about masks because i think that's really where everything starts is that we've brought up and you say that we all wear masks and the key is to take the mask off absolutely so masks are our false identities and mass can come in so many different ways sometimes we could be happy but actually show that we are not so happy because we're afraid people will be jealous or people will feel as though you know a little uncomfortable or the opposite we can actually be deeply insecure or sad inside but actually put on a happy face and really hide that those are some examples of masks but we learn early on that masks sometimes are necessary because to show our true vulnerable selves isn't safe so we adapt these masks as a form of a shield or an armor but only later realizing that they keep us from our own truth the masks i see as our ego underneath the mask is our soul and our soul potential underneath is where we want to get we want to start living an authentic life align with our soul in every level but that's hard because we have to figure out what all the different voices within us are and that's the voice of our society telling us who we should be and what we should do the voices of our parents of our teachers of our spouse of our children and then there's that still quiet voice within which is the voice of our soul our intuition and that's that little voice that's the path to authenticity all right so take me back so i'm sitting here right now and i'm thinking okay so i've got all these voices in my head sometimes you don't even know if it's your voice or if it's the voice of your parents that has been come so embedded in you that you believe it to be true absolutely so how do you start differentiating whose voice has been given to you versus who is your authentic voice absolutely and usually people only come to that question when they've come to a path in the road where things are hard where things just aren't working and they can't get at the root of the problem and that's when they start questioning why am i here who am i what am i meant to be doing here am i living my purpose do i want this life or do i want to do things a little differently and that's when you can start to go deeper and start to differentiate all of these different voices all right so once you start differentiating all these voices how do you then shed the voices that aren't serving you you start first and foremost making space for that still quiet voice within now that still quiet voice can only be heard when the yelling of all the other voices temporarily ceases and all the other voices are our rational mind you know the part of us that always is weighing pros and cons which is very useful to have we don't want to negate our rational mind we want to use our rational mind in the service of our life but not to make the most important decisions in our life sometimes people are making pro and conless doing what they think is more pro than con and yet finding themselves unfulfilled why is that because there's something deeper there's an intuition that's not being heard or acknowledged so that's the first voice we want to get through okay the second voice is the voice of emotions that's another voice that could be just as loud sometimes emotions can speak in the service of our intuition but sometimes they can actually undermine our intuition our emotions can be so strong and overpowering our fear our sadness our happiness our joy that sometimes it could even bury that little voice within so we need to quiet that as well so how do you get at that stuff literally my next question right so that's that place of stillness we're not used to stillness in our society which is really why meditation and practices that encourage stillness and temporary momentary silence and inwardness are so powerful and that could entail mindful meditation it could be taking a walk in nature it could be going and talking with some close friends but in a very openhearted beautiful way for some people it includes traveling on their own for some people it's doing a 10-day vipassana retreat of pure silence but really starting to look within and starting to rather than look for all the answers to your life's questions outside of yourself really finding them in your own soul i love that and is that what you discovered in your own journey yeah so my own journey was precisely that i was doing everything that was expected of me i was going to medical school i was in residency i was getting my awards i was working hard i had a wonderful at the time relationship you know things were like according to the outside world all lined up but yet i was feeling so unfulfilled and i had no idea why and the reason for that was because i really had never stopped to listen to my own soul and for me traveling really was such a vital part traveling on my own to finally make the space for my own voice and to separate myself from all the expectations of everybody else in my life because i'm such a people pleaser i love to please everybody and so to do that and especially if you're in residency in medical school there's plenty of people who want pleasing and being a people pleaser you'll get good grades your professors will love you but then you'll feel disconnected from your own self and that's where i found myself and it enabled me to finally really start to take off some of these masks we're talking about you know the masks and what what are these masks for me it was always looking happy always you know being like up and and actually inside i was feeling quite sad and disconnected and depressed and lonely even you know with everything around me so finally admitting that to myself and then going to a space where i'm like okay well this is where i'm at now i can finally sit with myself and just be here and where to from here you really slow down and reconnect with yourself and then from there i started to rebuild my life luckily i was close to the end of residency and i found for me the thing that was really missing was a connection to something greater than myself and so that's when i started living my life with a new sense of purpose and started looking more into ideas of soul and understanding really what i'm supposed to be doing and how i'm supposed to be doing it yeah so first of all um it's so fascinating that people almost do the opposite so when you're feeling depressed or down inside they exude happiness and it made me think of comedians that at least from what i've heard comedians are typically the most clinically depressed humans out there but they're the ones that are the most funny so that's actually it's called a neurotic defense a psychoanalytic defense it's called reaction formation you do the exact opposite of what you're feeling right it's like another example killing someone with kindness you really don't like somebody but instead what you do is you're super super kind to them cloyingly sweet right and so that's actually a psychoanalytic thing and it's a way of reducing your own anxiety because you're so afraid of your true feelings that's where that defense comes from and there's even a term for it reaction formation right how do i know when it's authentic like when i'm exuding energy like when do i know that it's authentic versus i'm disguising something and that's such a great question right because it comes down to how you feel when you are with yourself because you could be with a whole bunch of other people like exuberant etc but how do you feel when you're alone with your own self looking yourself in the mirror if you're feeling those feelings if life is feeling purposeful meaningful joyful beautiful amazing keep doing what you're doing and and you don't have to go digging for something that's inauthentic because it might not be there it only will come up when something does feel off to you you know like when you're living your life and you're feeling like no you know i'm feeling these feelings but it's not matching how i'm coming across to the world there's a mismatch here that's what the issue was for me and that's when i started and for me how did i even figure it out i hired like i started working with the most wonderful psychiatrist in new york city so he helped me to understand my own defenses because we're complex people right yeah and even if we're educated et cetera sometimes we it's hard to look at ourselves so true yeah when you decided i'm going to travel i'm going to explore things um was that difficult decision to make because you talk about people and the word should right like we always do things that we think we should do and so how did you handle that personally and what advice would you give to other people what is that first step in making that transition yes so i would say baby steps and that's actually what i did start to take off some of the shoulds and um i think even little bitty baby steps will give people a sense if they're going in the right direction they don't need to have a cataclysmic life change for some people sometimes they do and that's like you know what i need to change everything i have had patients do that you know as a psychiatrist but that's not always feasible possible especially if you have children if you're married if you have a lot of responsibilities in your job you can just say you know what i'm going to travel through europe that would seem probably it wouldn't gel with your own values it would seem irresponsible it wouldn't seem right but doing something little trying something new really putting on a different hat and stepping into a new space i think that's where you begin yeah yeah um i really want to talk about soul corrections i found this as so fascinating so if you can break that down for sure yeah so your sole purpose is made up of two things your sole purpose is your soul correction and your soul contribution so your soul contribution is doing this amazing show and bringing so much light to the world and also being able to share so many other people's light through you know this medium that's your cell contribution now your soul correction together the two make your soul purpose and your self correction is that thing which for you has been despite your best efforts this really difficult obstacle to overcome and it's different for all of us right like mine one of them as i wrote them out at my book was finding authenticity aligning with my soul that was one of my soul corrections soul corrections are akin to what sigmund freud called repetition compulsions so those things that come up in our lives again and again and again often much to our chagrin and dismay and despite our best efforts to change it so let's talk about that then um one thing i think that a lot of people um at least in my life have faced is um they can't choose the right partner in particular a lot of people keep choosing emotionally unavailable men like that could be somebody still correction and they keep choosing these people who are somehow really attractive very powerful into them at first but then when the question of a relationship comes up the guy runs like the wind not interested not available and i've had patients choose that person over and over and over so that's one kind of unavailable person another kind of repetition compulsion is partners who are in any way abusive or controlling and so why then are we drawn to the same people over and over that's precisely that soul correction this is the thing that we need to look within to better understand and therefore to shift so for instance the person who kept drawing in a partner who is abusive is that partner somehow indicative of abuse that they may have experienced whether knowingly or unknowingly either as a child or in what way does that person need to give over their power if that person maybe can own more of their power then maybe they don't need to give away their power so much and feel if they can feel more empowered then they don't need to have somebody who's going to so overpower them but then when the soul-searching starts why did they draw on that person where were the red flags why were the red flags overlooked oftentimes you start with that question and you see that they actually knew way way early on but you get so scared and you get so attached to that person you feel there might not be anybody else you know i'm damaged goods i can't possibly leave this person they're so damaged they're gonna you know be empty without me there's all sorts of reasons why people choose to stay so how do you start correcting that so if it's um obviously i understand the extremes of you know abuse and things like that but and what if it's just somebody who just cannot find the right partner because like you said they're emotionally unavailable when it comes to it how do you start to um unpack that and then change that course right and so your question is is it the person or you know is it the other person or is it us i think at the end of the day it's always us because we are the ones drawing in that person right and so half and woodward thomas wrote this book calling in the wine and this book is 49 different soul corrections that we as human beings have that can get in the way of us finding the right person her philosophy is that the way you find your soulmate isn't you go out and you meet a million people it's actually you work on yourself and you clear up whatever blockages exist within you to bringing in your partner and once you do that once you clear your blockages that person will come into your life whether that be through a friend you bump into them on the street you meet them on you know hinge or tinder or something like that so it's really about doing that personal work and taking responsibility for all the people that we draw in as opposed to seeing ourselves as victims of circumstance of you know there's just no guys out there or there's you know it's all the guys it's not me right yeah it seems like it's a pattern and a habit almost um so once like you're able to break that then um you're saying the person will then in essence come to you exactly exactly or that you will somehow draw them in and often if we keep drawing in the wrong person we might have an issue with commitment we say that we want it so so much and yet somehow or another our actions aren't matching that we keep drawing in people incapable of that that was my thing for so long i kept drawing an emotionally unavailable men one after the other until i realized it wasn't the men and you realize a really important universal principle called the mirror principle that you don't draw in what you want you draw in who you are i was drawing in these emotionally unavailable men because a part of me was emotionally unavailable and it was only when i was really able to look at that and start to do some really serious work on myself that i finally was able to meet my husband who i've been married to now for three years congratulations and yeah i really want to break down the soul corrections um and starting with mirror images um it's this idea that whatever bothers us and other people is often actually a reflection of something in ourselves so i was drawing in all these emotionally unavailable people it was driving me nuts but that's because i hadn't seen that in me so whatever it is that's drawing us to other people that's not working how does that show up in us how is that actually a reflection of something we haven't yet worked through within ourselves and so how do we because what i love about your book as well as you give exercises at the end of each chapter which is fantastic so what would be an exercise here for that yeah so ask yourself the question what bothers you most about other people okay and whatever that is how is that a reflection of something within you something that either you haven't yet worked through or something that could be deep within or you have worked through but it's still kind of on the tip of your consciousness that you're still bothered by it because we all do this right and the things that bother us we look at it in ourselves we clear it out in ourselves and then suddenly it doesn't bother us so much when it's done to us and we kind of like become immune to it you know that's interesting so working on that so that it doesn't bother you when other people do it to you exactly exactly that's fascinating that's interesting um all right let's go into repetition compulsions yes talk to me about that yeah so that is that sigmund freud concept of these things that come up in our life and it's not things that we choose or draw in it's actually things that we're like oh my god this happened again like i created this situation again i drew in someone who takes advantage of me again i drew in dishonest partners again and often you are given the cell correction in order for your soul to be able to recognize it and make a different choice and once you realize what's happening because usually it takes a few repetitions of this it's like the second time around you're like i've been here this isn't the first time this isn't the first rodeo here i've been here in the same situation feeling the same feelings what do i need to do to pull myself up and then you can actually make a different choice then you could because when you recognize the repetition compulsion you also recognize that it's your choices and you have different choices and once you make a different choice you free yourself but it's even deeper than that often these repetition compulsions come from generation to generation to generation it's like learn patterns of behavior learn patterns of you know intergenerational transmission once you shift your pattern you don't just shift it for you you actually shift it for all future generations that's actually why things like therapy and doing this kind of inner work are so powerful it doesn't just affect you but every generation after so how do you deal with denial because i'm sure you get a lot of people yeah how do you deal with that because even though it's it's repetitive and you can even show them right like probably on a piece of paper like look you did it here you did it here you did it here you did it here but i'm sure you still get people that are denying that it's them how do you break them out of that so as with all of therapy you meet people where they're at and if they're at that point of denial you can you know call them on it if you feel comfortable saying you know what so denial is one way of dealing with this and it seems like maybe you're dealing with it right now because it's really hard to accept the reality but that's a hard thing to say to people not everyone can hear that you know and so if you meet them where they're at then you more empathize and sympathize and just understand where it is that they're you know at right now over time it'll cut it'll get together that's what i was going to ask how do you meet someone where they're at and still make progress yeah some people go so quick you have one insight they get it they make a change they go other people it could take a year like you could be saying something at the first session and saying the exact same thing one year later and they've maybe moved like this other people are already like on chapter 18. you know this person's like halfway through chapter one and that's okay because that's their path and that's their course you know and it's not that anyone needs to speed up slow down if they needed to they would and you can point out to them some people need you to you know more of a tough love approach some people need more empathy and compassion and so it's also kind of meeting people where they're where they're at with that and so how do you test that because i'm sure there's a lot of people listening right now that it even if it's not them going through something they want to try and help someone their mother or their brother or sister or their partner um and they're listening to this and they're like they just keep denying that they have a problem they meet them where they're at like you said it's all baby steps it's small moments um how do you eventually get them to actually take action i guess like if it's if it's it has to hurt enough it has to hurt enough if it doesn't hurt enough there's you know no one's going to change for somebody else it has to hurt enough for them that could be so the guy could change only after his wife leaves him he loses his job you know because his wife could have been telling him honey i can't do this anymore i can't do this anymore if you keep doing this i'm going to get a divorce and he doesn't listen he's in denial and then one day she gets the divorce and then the next day he loses his job and then he's like you know what now i have a problem now i'm going to go do something about it what i often will say to husbands and wives with this issue if it's them who've come to see me and it's their wives and husbands have the problems are really to hold that space because holding that space is really really powerful and what does that mean exactly and what that means is for you to cease to even take like one to two minutes out of your day every day to imagine your husband or wife being the person you know that they could be and that means being who they are like even looking different without whatever habit you want them to break um with whatever kind of job you want them to have treating you differently treating the kids differently treating other people differently behaving like to really create that and by you creating that with your mind and your thoughts by visualizing it you're putting a little seed into the ether and like you're planting that seed for it to grow you could hold the space for someone before they're ready yet to hold the space for themselves it's actually a really powerful exercise and does that also then when you're thinking about that is the way you then act towards them like do you think that there's that projection where it's like if you see someone being successful and so when you talk to them you have that you know emotion in that voice is that kind of like you think that that makes a difference as well i'm sure that that does because i think it works on multiple levels you know what the universe the universe is so complex like you planting the seed in the ether that probably changes your psychology your husband or wife will feel it'll change their psychology and it's also a way of you not losing hope you know of you being able to do something when it feels like all hope is lost that's interesting all right and this goes to boundaries i really want to talk about boundaries i find um i'm going to generalize and people are going to hate me for saying this why do you think women specifically have problems creating boundaries right exactly so first we'll define boundaries what are boundaries boundaries is where i end and where you begin right our boundaries are right here and boundaries more like to think more about just day to day like this is what i'm willing to share this is what i'm not this is what i'm willing to give this is what i'm not it's knowing who you are and what you're willing to put on the table with a given person or in a given relationship and boundaries are changeable they're malleable they change with people they change with time they change with circumstance but to know your own boundaries you have to be comfortable enough with yourself to really feel in real time what you're comfortable doing versus not okay so why is it that women sometimes can have a hard time setting boundaries because women like to be pleasers women like to give women are the matriarchs the ones you know the givers of society they're the ones taking care of their husband of their families of children of companies and so it could be harder for them to say no inherent in the concept of boundaries is this concept of saying no you know like and because at the end of the day a boundary is a no it's like you can come this close but not this close this close but not this close and so historically in society men say no women say yes obviously not always we have a whole u2 movement there's a whole issue with that but more historically and culturally there is that's kind of where it comes from and that's i think why women more often have trouble i think that people at least for me find it the most difficult to set boundaries that with people that are the closest to me um how do people start to do that yeah and so this is the interesting thing with boundaries right we think that if we set a boundary's gonna push someone away right it's actually the exact opposite it's like the old adage good fences make good neighbors the stronger your boundaries are closer you can get to somebody if my boundaries are strong i don't mind getting close to you i don't mind even getting really close to you when i need to because i'm not afraid that you're somehow gonna disrupt my identity disrupt my sense of who i am mess up my life i know that i could say no and i know that i could say this is how much i can give a nut more right but if you don't know that then you keep giving and giving and giving until you're drained and lost and have nothing left to give and that's why boundaries are actually essential especially when you're doing work similar to what you're doing which is like giving light all the time and especially for healers boundaries are so essential that's why in physicians they're such a burnout epidemic because they can give and give and give and it's hard to know when to say i can't give any more i'm like i'm done especially for powerful women setting note is so crucial because you're powerful you have a ton of energy you can do all those things right probably and more but it's the question do you want to and is that serving your highest good given where you are in life what you want to be doing and what you need to be able to balance all the things that are important in your life which are all the things that you do for your friends career etc but also your marriage yourself your you know relationship with just the higher whatever your higher sense of you know purpose is yeah so what would it be the same technique and certain boundaries with strangers i think often people find have an easier time saying no to strangers than they do to people i think you're exactly right it's the people that are closest to us that it's the hardest to say no to sometimes but that's also the most important thing that's the most important negotiation of boundaries boundaries also between mothers and daughters and mothers and sons and between spouses and in a way it's like the question that you're asking when you're setting a boundary is how close is too close how far is too far you're always doing this delicate dance and like with some you know like a mother daughter can be too close sometimes it doesn't feel right then they move a little further too far not right and so it's a delicate dance okay this feels just right when we're this close and spend this much time together and confide in each other about this much stuff that feels really really good and then you know the daughter gets a little older than what they can confide in each other a little bit more and a little bit more the boundaries change and so it's that constant dance that you're doing with the people close to you so what if you have a boundary and it's someone that's close to you and they have a boundary but they don't meet each other that happens a lot that happens like with a woman dating a new man and she's like i really just want to know more i want to like know everything i want him to bear a soul and he's like not interested i'm just not there yet with you i don't feel comfortable i don't trust you or that i just don't think of the world in that way i don't have much more to bear i've told you everything you know she's like no but there must be more no but i've told you everything and so that's really the other thing is finding people whose boundaries are compatible with yours oh okay um so you give an example of andrea i believe her name is in the book about boundaries the mother and daughter um i found that fascinating because specifically mother and daughter as well because when i think about who has the hardest boundaries it it probably is at least for me it feels like it would be mother and daughter i actually don't have that with my mom my mom's really good at boundaries and i set them and she's like okay yeah um but why do you think that that is oh definitely i think um in that particular case it's based on a patient it's based loosely on a patient of mine and that mother had her daughter very early her daughter became her whole identity watching her daughter grow up she identified with her daughter her daughter's successes were her successes her daughter's failures were her failures she was living her own life out and actually was a life she never had because she had a daughter so young and so she identified so closely with her daughter that it choked her daughter almost her daughter didn't have room to breathe and so when her daughter had a breakup her mom was more upset about the breakup than her daughter and she you know she felt like she always had to be walking on eggshells because mom had such strong emotional responses to what was going on in you know the daughter's life so the boundaries there were just two there they were too permeable we needed the boundaries to be tighter there and so it was the mother who was my patient so we worked with her of how can i loosen my boundaries how can i give my daughter the freedom that she needs to live her life to spread her wings and fly without being so affected by the ups and downs how can i know she's going to be okay even if i'm not there with her constantly even if she makes mistakes even if she has breakups even if she does things that i don't want her to do with in that situation the mother clearly recognized then that their relationship wasn't healthy but what if you're the daughter and the mother thinks the the relationship is exactly how it should be i have a lot of cases like that and it's really hard for children because they want mom's love and if the boundaries are too solid mom's love gets taken away and then they feel you know themselves flailing so that definitely happens but it's also the children starting to own their own power and recognizing that this is what they need to do in order to own you know their own lives that they can't be controlled by what mom believes what dad believes they have to step into their own sense of adulthood and be who they really are yeah because my mom's amazing like she she's very good at boundaries and you know she if i say something she absolutely hears it and takes it in but um especially in the greek community the mothers do live for their children and it usually is oh you don't love me anymore like it becomes like such a big thing about like love and how you don't value them anymore like that can be quite traumatizing as the the child to hear um and i've seen people then go it's just not worth it like how do you what do you suggest people do in those situations it's really really hard and it just now that you say that makes me think about a few greek families that i work with which is exactly what you're describing very very much so and i feel like in those cases because rarely in those cases do the daughters want to just extricate from the family no they want to be close to mom and dad mom and dad's love means so much because mom and dad also give so so much and are loving and doting and caring and you don't want it and you get that i've given my life up for you yes yes exactly and in many ways they have it's true that's their perspective that's how they do things but just because mom has given her life up for you doesn't mean that then you have to give your life up for mom right it's a little different what you're going to do is you're going to give your life up if you so choose in whatever way is right for you for your child and them for their child and you know vice versa if you so choose it's more one of those generational things as opposed to it doesn't exactly go back and forth you know yeah so it's hard and you didn't force mom to give her life up for you you know and that's often the patients come back so like i didn't ask you to do this that was your choice yeah so oftentimes the children then just have to set their boundaries and hope that the parents you know are able to accept those boundaries and slowly over time assimilate and as always you know part of my therapy is always a kind of a spiritual system whatever you set your boundaries you also pray that the other person is able to accept it to assimilate it to step into the best version of themselves and into their higher self to be able to kind of own that to re to take that boundary not as a sign of rejection but as a welcoming and opportunity to step into a higher version of themselves i love that um okay and now the last correction is lack of self-love which i actually have a quote of yours here um so you actually give an example of what people should do if um if they're not feeling like they have the self-love um to look in the mirror i love you i approve of you i know you are doing the best you can i love you just the way you are i love you um that was really strong but i've also heard you talk about wanting to grow and change and get better and so i always love asking this question is how do you do the duality of loving yourself just the way you are and knowing that you have to improve and get better every single day right right and and that's a beautiful question i think you kind of in your question is the answer it's like it's um owning that duality and living that duality and in kabbalah they have a term that describes actuality it's called mati velomati it's like being here and there at the same time so on one hand loving and accepting yourself just like you said exactly as you are with your imperfections with all the things that you want to change but just loving yourself here and yet at the same time seeking to grow and be a better version of yourself and expand and transform and evolve so it's being both at once and that you are going to kind of go between these two but that neither of them is bad and not it's not that one is better than the other but being able to own all parts of yourself and how important do you think that is to fulfillment huge it's huge and it's so hard because in our culture we actually often have a self-hatred epidemic right people are always criticizing themselves either that's not perfect about themselves they're comparing themselves to others they want to be more this or more that or more this or more that you know and it's hard it's really hard it's being able to own yourself as you are see your strengths and love yourself and whatever isn't a strength love that too um you talk a lot about spirituality um how important is the power of the mind to you oh hugely important because really the spirit and the mind they're one they all you know yes the spirit comes from the heart and it also comes from your soul but it also comes from the mind and mind body and spirit are so so connected you know and people ask what's the soul right during all my studies i um and travels i went and i asked many people that very question what is the soul and my very favorite answer to that question came from a mexican shaman with whom i work named fernando broca he said the soul is comprised of two parts the first part is that which connects us to everybody else often they say that we're one unified soul so it's our inherent interconnectedness and then the second part of the soul is really your sole purpose it's that which makes you unique the way in which you're meant to share your talents skills abilities interests with the world and so our soul is this two-part system our interconnectedness with others and then our uniqueness i love that um the reason why i actually asked you about that is because i know um i've heard you talk about the placebo effect um and then the nocebo effect um so talk to me about that and then what is the nocebo effect absolutely right and the placebo and the nocebo effect they really show the power of the mind either to heal or to harm right they are it's fascinating so the placebo effect is when we take a sugar pill that pill that sugar pill not a real medication has as powerful as an effect as any medication that we would take and why does it have such a powerful effect people have many thoughts on this but first and foremost because we expect in our minds for it to have that effect so that's why for all clinical trial double blind control trials for all drugs and for the majority of treatments they're always comparing the drug the trial drug with a placebo and the trial drug has to do better not just the nothing but better than the placebo which always does better than nothing which is insane which is insane which is fascinating but what that shows is the placebo effect people like oh it's just the placebo fat but that is a real effect your mind and the power of your mind to expect healing actually brings healing that's a huge thing that's why it's so important what we as doctors place into our patients minds when we give them certain medications or treatments that's why it's so important to frame a certain treatment in a given way you don't ever want to mislead people you don't want to give them false hope etc but you want to give them hope you want to show them this actually could really help you um have you ever given a placebo to somebody like what is the ethics behind that like can you say like can you give someone a placebo but it's you know there's there have been trials where they actually said i'm gonna be giving you a sugar pill and this pill is going to have all these effects and this pill has been shown to have all these effects you can't actually lie to patients or you can't ever mislead people of course but you can actually tell them that the power of the mind is very important and you're going to be taking this pill and i can tell you that in the past this pill has had this much reduction in whatever symptoms you have and placebos do have those reductions so that actually is the truth so now placebos have an evil twin the nocebo right fascinating too and so that you know the placebo effect is our expectation to heal that this is going to help me the osibo effect is actually the opposite expectation it's based on this implicit belief nothing's going to help me that i'm helpless and that the world is like a dark place the world's a dangerous place things do not get better it's based on a lot of those kind of underlying beliefs which are scary because we project those beliefs onto a pill and then we get these very real effects so and both placebo and osibo that's what we hold in our minds that's how we you know the pills are no different but it's how we interact with those pills i used to think that was so woowoo and fascinating until my health started getting really bad and nothing was helping i was going to you know what um society deemed the best doctors you know um yeah and i still was not getting better and so i started experimenting i was like well if this isn't working then what what can i try and everyone will say oh you should try this you should try that so i started like trying acupuncture great um and everything i try now i go in like this is going to be it this is going to cure me i love it and because i understand now i do the power of the mind and if i go in thinking a negative thought or this is rude or this isn't going to work then well guess what it's not going to work of course so now people are like well how are you finding acupuncture i'm like i love it i was like i think it's working you know it seems like but i i truly go in believing it will work um and i think since i've changed my um way of thinking with no matter what doctor or whatever trial i go through um i've been getting progressively better and i don't doubt that part of it isn't the power of the mind um well your book is so jam-packed of just incredible takeaways and tactics for people um but if you had to give people three things that they could do immediately to be fulfilled what three things could they do immediately right so first identify your fears and remember that the majority of your fears are f-e-a-r false evidence appearing real most of our fears are just manifestations of ego right not all of them many fears could be very healthy and you know if you're on a cliff and you fear jumping off the cliff don't jump rightly so but there's so many fears that are more anxiety-based that hold us back so identify them and start to work through them that's number one number two do the work with the soul corrections identify what is my soul correction what are those things that start coming up in my life again and again and again often much to my chagrin and dismay and despite my best effort to change it and what is my soul supposed to learn through this and number three i think it has to do with what you said regarding placebos and placebos understand what your deeply held implicit core beliefs are about health and about healing and about different treatments and start to question what are those beliefs what kind of patterns do i see in the healings i've had the different treatments i've had and are those patterns that i like and if so great and if not how do i start to question just like you have started doing your beliefs as they interact with your treatments wow you drop those like bombs girl and what do you consider your super power to be i think my superpower is helping people identify their soul corrections going through this whole process and working with so many people i love helping people understand and identify what they're supposed to be doing in this world and also what they're supposed to be overcoming like why their souls have had the challenges that they have i love that so where can people find the book where can they follow you yeah so the book is available on amazon and anywhere else books are sold and i have a website www.annausom.com which has upcoming events and it has my newsletter and all the other things that people may want that's awesome guys guys you gotta go check out this woman i had so much fun reading her book and when i say reading i mean audible of course but she's still got it on hardback so go check it out if you guys want to be fulfilled too if you're not following me follow me at lisa billy and if you're not following us on youtube click that subscribe button down there and until next time guys go be the hero of your own life yay thank you so much this is wonderful what up guys lisa here thanks so much for watching this episode and if you haven't already subscribed click that little button right in front of you click click click away we release episodes every wednesday so be sure to get notified until next time go be the hero of your own life you

Channel: Women of Impact

Views: 118,307

Keywords: women of impact, woman of impact, lisa bilyeu, tom bilyeu, impact theory, quest nutrition, motivation, inspiration, Female empowerment, feminism, feminist, psychology, psychologist, fulfilled, how to be fulfilled, fulfillment, happiness, Anna yusim, fulfilled life, how to be happy, placebo, nocebo, soul correction, soul contribution, kabbalah, rejection, how to deal with rejection, boundaries, how to set boundaries, how to find your purpose, purpose, passion

Id: 19LeqgazWCo

Length: 40min 55sec (2455 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 24 2019