Lisa Nichols on Rescuing Yourself, Overcoming Fear, and Finding Success By Serving Others

all right everybody welcome to inside quest if you're joining us I'm guessing it's because you my friend are on a mission you have a vision free life not as it is but as it could be and our goal is to help you gain the skills you're going to need to cross that chasm and accomplish anything in your life from the simple to the seemingly impossible and the guests we're going to bring on are the people we really believe have the insights and the skills that you need to translate your ideas into concrete reality and that transformation is what this show really is all about so why do I believe in today's guest I've had to sum it up she is grit a and I'm talking gritty as hell her life story is a mind-boggling tale of profound human transformation she was formally broke and surviving only with the help of public aid but this single mother learned her way to success and went from being on public assistance to running a multi-million dollar public company she is now one of only two african-american female founders to have a company on Wall Street and along the way she has turned herself into an amazing media personality she's been invited to speak by Oprah Steve Harvey and The Today Show to help inspire millions of people she has toured all over the world she was just telling me off-camera how much of the world is pretty crazy sharing not only her unbelievable tale of mental transformation for the tools the tools that she used to make it happen she is one of the most sought-after motivational speakers on the planet and her global platform has reached and served nearly 30 million people worldwide she's also a tireless philanthropist who has been recognized by everyone from the country of South Africa to the Lego Corporation for her humanitarian efforts she is living proof that it doesn't matter where you start it only matters where you want to go and the price you're willing to pay to get there so please help me in welcoming the CEO of motivating the masses the New York Times bestselling author with seven books to her name including no matter what an abundance now the woman Houston Texas named a day after Lisa Nichols absolutely hey guys not look good so really really an honor you probably know and I've certainly told these guys a thousand times the rule that we have for guests is as I research them it needs to be motivational for me and there was just quote after quote after quote that was just absolutely incredible and I want to start with a quote from you if I may yeah which is I am my rescue nobody else what does that mean to you because it really hit me um it means that everything that I need to get back up I have in me if I don't have what I need I can go get it once I figured that out the world was my like playground like the questions just where do I go get it well I don't know about that word I go get it and and I don't come from a learning background where I was a great student I wasn't you know my highest grade in school was a C+ and when I got a C+ I did the happy day and and so I didn't have a background where studying was natural for me but when I realized that if I go study something and I learn it I own it it's mine now man it was crazy because all through school I struggled I the last time I took an English class my English teacher told me I was the weakest writer she ever met in her entire life lovely yeah lovely and the same year I took a speech class and my speech teacher he said quote unquote miss Nichols I recommend you never speak in public that you get a desk job and so I mean yeah it just is just you know it was it was demotivated people sad people hurt people hurt sad people make other people sad bottom line don't take it personal hurt people hurt that's really right I don't want to derail your stories there sounds amazing we are going to finish that tale but hurt people hurt people are sad that's they make other people say it's a Buick other was that because people love company everywhere you are you want company and so without taking it personal just see where people are and so a part of that was I had to see who I was hanging around and you know miserable people want company you know and I had to literally be willing and I only relocated my mind or relocate my body so I can relocate my finances relocate my possibility relocate my son's future I was very clear the future of my son was going to have if I didn't do something and I was not subscribing to that not on my watch my son's father went to prison when he was eight months old and he's been in prison since my son was 8 months old whoa my son turns 22 this year my son is african-american male child living in South Central Los Angeles went at that time he had a 66% chance rate of going to prison not on my watch so I was willing to be radical see most people want the convenience of transformation without the inconvenience required required for transformation so my grandmother says and I love to repeat this your conviction which you're passionate about your conviction and your convenience don't live on the same block they ain't even in the same zip code so if you want to have a conviction for something you have to sign up sign up to be in convenience we're trying to find convictions and passion and breakthrough on the inside of our box well when you realize that the box doesn't even exist like someone made up oh you're playing outside the box so we all bought into there's a box well I don't live it I don't even own a box I don't even only want to get in your box like oh you better come out here cuz I ain't getting in there and so when you start thinking like that time all of a sudden everything is possible so I you know people I disrupted want to make me extraordinary because it lets you off the hook god that's good why you gave me right everyone go all around the world be like oh she's there yeah cuz it lets you off the hook you get to play like oh if I had to like hurt no what if you do what if you do what if the got that we call God the divine whatever your faith is what if there's no partial it's not going to give me a hookup and not give you one not going to give me an opportunity one I'm just gonna go after if I die on my down a treadmill like what's my said I'm gonna be on the treadmill running you know I'm not I'm just not gonna stop because I believe all things are available to us I'm just wanting to go after are you willing and then that is so disruptive cuz then you got to make a decision because it's easier to live inside the per well as a black woman well as born and raised in south-central well I'm academically I'm Dyslexic I'm dyslexic I wrote seven books i'm dyslexic you know i just i just tell the stories i'm just not the one to edit the book cuz then we all in trouble i'm put a period at the beginning of the sentence right so just knowing like i'm not perfect what i do really well is i manage my imperfection well and so we're all waiting for perfect it's an illusion that will never come to you and it's an excuse to never show up and play your story is not meant to be your fortress your story is meant to be your fuel any story like the fact the beauty of me being one of the top 1% earners in America is that I was on government's assistance right like that's the beauty like come on it wouldn't be a big deal my family was rich whatever like I'm supposed to do something the beauty is that when you show the little engine that could story like I'm not gonna run fast but I ain't gonna stop running I might slow down and have to breathe and catch my breath but I'm not stopping cuz I believe all things are available to all of us and good people should do well because when good people do well good people just do more good in the world alright I need to stop and catch my breath yeah cuz right you thought this is about it right it meant right right so we're gonna really drive a point home because you just messed me up you make me extraordinary to let yourself off the hook yeah I've I've never been able to really get my hands around the thing one of the things that really really frustrates me which is that people discount me because they see me as successful right and in doing that they robbed themselves of something because they you can't show somebody like your physical transformation by the way is astonishing watching your video but the hashtag chasing Michelle Obama arms hashtag hashtag respect right it's amazing watch these videos she's so vulnerable it's crazy and you see a side of Lisa Nichols in that in that transformation that you'd never really let people into before that was just a vulnerability and everything about you was absolutely breathtaking and thank you but that's easy to show people yes right but showing them the transformation that you went through mentally is not now I used to Big Brother in South Central so I went to USC it is an oasis right in the heart of an immersed neighborhoods as you well know right and so I had there was an african-american kid that had been adopted and I got very involved in him and his family and spent a lot of time in South Central it's drab there's nothing that says this is your future other than any this and I remember talking to him and his framework reference for what his future could be was so terrifying that all I used to do and this is back when I was dirt poor I used to take him to Beverly Hills to watch movies I would take him to a fast food restaurant in Beverly Hills just anything in Beverly Hills so he could see hey there's like another part of this world that looks different it's vibrant just because I wanted him to see that so how on earth do you go in the middle of that your son's father goes to prison you're on public assistance you're in the middle of this incredibly drab place where teachers are telling you that you the worst I've ever seen like I can't like what would possibly other than what you've already said that they're just trying to drag you down and place it there at how what ideas are bouncing around in your at that moment that you because it could have been an empty promise right you put your hand on J Lonnie's tummy and you tell him I'm never going to be this broke again don't worry but that could have been an empty promise right but it wasn't so what what happened like what was going on in your mind right first of all I knew something in me knew as a junk child that I wasn't supposed to stay in my environment so I live between the Harlem 30s and the rollin 60s and I had three fights a week to get home from school and I remember when I was 15 my teacher said what do you want to be when you grow up and I said alive I can when I get to 21 ask me again but I don't have that luxury you have and I remember that I remember that like it were yesterday and but I also knew that I was worthy or something but I didn't know where it was I didn't see it anywhere and if you remember all the television shows during that time that had African Americans in them they're pretty drab so you had good times nothing was good right you had different strokes where the white man was saving the little black kids except for in 1984 when the Huxtables came out well that wasn't what I grew up with I was on my way to college then but I used to watch The Brady Bunch and I should say I don't know what they had to do to have that kind of life but they always worked everything out in the end and I declared I want a peaceful life like that I want a life of possibility and almost every single one of my initial mentors I couldn't touch I couldn't talk to I didn't have access to but I held on to them like they were oxygen because they were they were my visit to Beverly Hills so I would go in my head I would go through television and I don't want to be rich I never really aspired to be rich and I never aspired to be famous I aspired to have peace of mind to have Grace and ease in my life to be able to provide for myself so I already had this experience that I wanted and so when I when when fast forward to answer your question I'm in Inglewood living off arbor vitae I want government assistance and I run out of money and I had to buy pampers for Jelani and I had $11 and 42 cents in the bank and I remember wrapping my son in the towel for two days you know someone said because when I tell the story I always get teary eyed and someone said do you fabricate the tears because you've told the story so much no I'm a mama every time I tell the story I fill it again I remember the second day like you said I have my sump my hand on Jelani stomach and I said don't worry baby mommy will never be this broke or broken again and that day what shifted for me was I was willing and I don't know if this is gonna sound crazy I was willing to completely die to any form of me that I had been so that I can birth the woman that I was becoming the reason why a lot of people won't become who they want is because they're too attached to who they've been and you hear it all the time when people say I've always been this way okay well if that's working for you keep doing that I knew it wasn't working for me any longer I had hit my version of rock bottom so I was willing to let go of everything and everybody see another reason why people won't get there is because the doorway is for you to fit through you're trying to carry everybody else through because you're trying to be rescue 9-1-1 and you got to rescue you first I am much more valuable to my family and to my community because I was willing to let them go go through the door myself teach myself learn myself condition myself and then come back and get them now much more valuable to them now but I have to go through a window time of 10 years of judgment you leaving us hanging out with white people all the time you go into these crazy countries we don't know what you're I have to be willing to to allow my conviction to make me inconvenienced see we want to grow but we want to stay liked by everybody I was willing to be my own rescue at the risk of your approval but most of us aren't like that Facebook is example we want to be liked well I woke up and I liked myself today so you'll like his extra my job is to like me first I was willing to say everyday Lisa you like you Lisa are you proud of you Lisa are you playing for loud everyday before I checked in with anybody else that's lonely by the way why won't most people do it because it's scary and it's lonely so what did I do I was willing to find people who had what I didn't have who were living lives that I wasn't living who believed things that I didn't know about and I was willing to become their student I got up every day and I ate a slice of humble pie see when you get to this level even me ten years ago you can get caught up by reading your own fine print see whenever I hear people reading my bio and before I came on you read my bio I'm in the back on y'all y'all y'all yeah yeah yeah yeah cuz I don't want to ever think I arrived I don't ever that bio was old I you should be interested in my future oh that's my bio what's my future what are you doing what am i who am i becoming for 2020 and we get caught up in our BIOS we get caught up in our status I never allowed that to stop me from going and sitting at the hem of someone and saying what do you know about wealth see because it's three forms to money let's do relation to money we learn how to earn it we learn how to keep it and we learn how to grow it well I learned how to earn it cuz my theme song was I'm a hustler baby and I want you to know everybody with me it ain't where I been but where I'm about to go so I was singing that song right I was singing that song when I was I wasn't working out of my closet as my office I would I was in a walk-in closet where you really couldn't walk in and you stepped in and turn right and and and the clothes rack you know how you have the hanger rack I have pant hangers in the closet and I had manila folders clipping on the pant hangers those are my client files and I was sit there and I put $2.99 mirrors off that you get from CVS I put them all around my closet walls so that I can make my office look bigger I worked out of that closet office for four years singing that song and I know where I've been where I'm about to go I knew that I knew how to make money I don't know how to keep it cause ain't nobody had none of my family so keeping was an issue growing was never an issue so I went to people who knew how to make it keep it grow it I went to people who was about serving others to the highest level see I make a lot of money because I serve more people see all your success is on the other side of service people trying to make money if it begins and ends with money it's gonna be a short-lived victory but if it's about transforming lies then the wind keeps going and going and growing and growing so I went to people that knew what I didn't know and I killed my ego every day murder my she go every day cuz I got a big she go coming come on right every day time and I got hungry and I learned I went to the same training 42 times yes I said 42 some focus stops is how I've been I already I learned that already now I wasn't there I wanted to be able to finish their sentences I want to know what you know I want to walk like you talk like you and then I want to then embed me in it but successfully his clothes we're just not picking them up I was the only african-american person at this conference I was one of two women at this conference within the last 29 sessions I led the conference but I was willing to be the student first so that's what I did number one and number two I looked at every toxic behavior in my life everyone you see me go behind my own black hurt people don't want to tell on yourself you're trying to protect you're trying to do four things you're trying to protect prove hide and defend if you wake up every day and say I have nothing to protect I have nothing to prove I have nothing to hide I have nothing to defend now who do I choose to be because your energy is consumed with protecting proving hiding and defending but if you let go of that then now you're in creation every day I told myself that every day I got in the mirror and I said three sentences and I gave each sentence seven different endings and at times I was crying so hard I couldn't understand myself because the ending that sentence was so difficult to say every day I looked in the mirror said Lisa I'm proud that you and I found seven different things to celebrate Lisa for because we are under celebrated because you want someone to celebrate you mourn you celebrate in yourself you want to hear thank-you from others more than you're thinking yourself you want to hear other people say I love you more than you saying I love yourself you're teaching the world I set this on Oprah when I set this on / she's oh my god I believe the exact same thing so I knew I had one thing right the world is looking at you and following your example of how to treat you how to treat you they're following your example of how to treat you so how you treat you the world's gonna follow your lead so I had to start treating Lisa better because I was everything for everybody but nothing for myself and so every day I got in the mirror and I completed three sentences Lisa I'm proud of you for second thing Lisa I forgive you for that one took me down daily because I had a son with a man who was now imprisoned my biggest nightmare my greatest nightmare I had been in a relationship that turned mentally and then physically abusive when my son was three years old I made money but lost it I was on government assistance I was on welfare I was on WIC women infant and children I got a lot of forgiveness that I had to do but I was willing to forgive myself every day and every day I said the same thing for like six months until it got easier and then one day I went least I forgive you for and that thing didn't come up anymore I was like oh okay on to the next seven different endings and the last thing I did every day last sentence is Lisa I commit to you that because we make bigger commitments to other people if I commit to y'all something right or die you can bet your last dime that imma be there i'ma show up you're gonna get two dimes but I want make commitments for me for myself and I wouldn't do it I eat my weight so I started every day celebrating Lisa forgiving Lisa and making a commitment to Lisa and then I was willing to invest in me I love this I was willing to invest money in me literally literally literally I worked at LA Unified School District and I knew I couldn't stay there because they needed a degree I didn't have a degree they didn't seem happy I want to be happy so I would I would have my son at daycare during the day I'd work nine hours I pick him up from daycare take him back to my office I take a 30-minute break from six o'clock to 6:30 to go get him I start working from 6:30 until midnight every day at my office on me every day put my son on a little you know primary color blanket something to occupy him give them toys that I took the batteries out of so he'd be confused for a little while time I did not work and I'm sure I'm serious and I did it every day every day every day I stopped going out to dinner I stopped going out dancing I stopped getting my nails done stopped getting my hair done in every two weeks when LA Unified paid me I brought a check to my dream and I wrote in the memo line funding my dream and I would I would mail the check to the bank Wells Fargo and I mailed a check to myself every two weeks for three and a half years my family thought you know thought I was smoking on drugs like Shane going out she nut she eating beanies and weenies always see we think she'll drugs but she's not getting any smaller so maybe not and um and I went to the bank after three and a half years this is the story you talking about I walked in the bank I said I'm just gonna check and see where that account is cuz I wouldn't open the who wouldn't open the statements cuz my mother used to say when I was growing up girl this money burn in my pocket and I'm like oh I think money hot and thank you thank you so much and it goes away fast so I'm not gonna open the statement because I don't want to know how much money I have because I have a healthy relationship to money I didn't even know a relationship with money so while I'm at training's they just kept saying saves I'm like okay imma save I didn't need the money that I was writing checks for because it was the money I use on my nails in my hair and then every check I wrote to myself I made a challenge with myself that it had to be 5% more than the next check Wow in the previous check so I and I didn't really know how to calculate the fiber since I'm like oh I'll just add 30 dollars I'll just add 16 I really didn't know anything about it then I went out and got a second job and I started working in the evenings less on my business and more out on jobs so I can write a bigger check so I learned how to live on $31,000 that's all I was living on $31,000 we can make it we got it I sold my ultimate I had at the time I bought an old export Explorer you know I just I just I just skinny down I moved out of my three-bedroom house I moved in with the roommate she smoked even and I was like okay I'm gonna put towels under the base of the door y'all you got to be inconvenienced I put tiles on the base of doors all the smoke coming to room with me and my son we slept side-by-side in the same bed one from a three bedroom you know three-bathroom house two story to a roommate you know because I was willing to write a check to fund my dream and I kept writing funding my dream funding my dream funding my dream and I walked in the West Fargo three and a half years later and I I gave her my name and said hi my name is Lisa Nichols and she's like you defunded my dream lady like yeah so all these tellers came running around the manager came around cuz I guess everybody had process to check her to and they're like we all been wondering like everybody wants to know what's the dream you find it and I was like I don't know that's gonna cost some money I'm a dream and so I said I just came to get my balance and just see where it is cuz I haven't opened me the statements they're like why so no I haven't open any of the statements cuz money burns my mama's pockets on my burn my pocket so I don't want to spend it so she wrote the balance down are they write the balance down and she turned it and passed it to him and I looked at it and I said no ma'am my name is Lisa Shantanu since my social security number I don't even want that money cuz y'all gonna want it back and I want to get in trouble so can you just give me my account you know cuz I didn't know anyone in my family that had $5,000 in their account ten thousand dollars in account so when you write down that I have sixty-two thousand five hundred dollars in my account that's not mine and so they all teared up like everybody start crying they're like no it's yours I look down at my son Jelani who was five years old now and I said Jelani I think life is gonna change for you a mommy my son said mommy can't we finally go to McDonald's because I've been making them homemade Big Macs for a while mommy can make you better big mac then you don't run a mcdonnell so cuz i was here i was willing to inconvenience my entire life my entire life i was willing to disrupt my entire life to buy my future to buy my possiblity to give my dream a chance see we're not supposed to tuck our dreams in on the on the pillow when we get up in the morning we're not supposed to leave them at home then going but fill somebody else's dream we're not supposed to do that that's not what we're wired to do that's not who we are your human spirit doesn't care about the economy the human spirit doesn't care that my son's father went to prison like the human spirit doesn't care what's happened to your family the human spirit doesn't care about the past you may have been molested or your family may have been broker or you may have been betrayed or you may have a divorce your human spirit doesn't care about any of that your human spirit simply says what's our command for tomorrow what do you want to create it's not keeping score your brain is keeping score because your brain is designed to keep you safe your soul your intuition your human spirit is designed to make you sore and when you get to the edge of that stage I want to get out right now can I get up right now whatever you want think I'm gonna tell these stickers no now when you get to the edge your brain will always tell you to step back it's always going to tell you to step back because you can fall always it's going to tell you step back because before you fail the last time you did this you saw someone else fail you could hurt you could be off work it's going to tell you it's designed to keep you safe so you have to be willing to play between your brain and your soul and on some days you got to just listen to your soul and you got to say I'm a leap I'm going to get to the edge most people are at the edge and you're sending at the edge and you're watching everyone else fly that's pip my ride watch my crib all this stuff you know watching people's lives on Facebook you're at the edge watching someone else live wondering what its gonna be like when you jump without ever jumping now I'm just here to tell you jump because only three things can happen you're either gonna jump and fly are you gonna jump and fall on something soft are you gonna fall down hard either way you're gonna get back up you already know you got what it takes to get back up you're not your greatest fears not that you will fall your greatest fears that you will live a full life and never fly that you never leaped you're not afraid of dying you're afraid of dying before the world sees who you really are before they really get your fingerprint before they really feel your breath before they really get your contribution before they really fill you that's what you don't want to happen you don't want to leave this place without us knowing you were here all I'm doing is giving my dream a chance and I'm not extraordinary you don't get off the hook you don't get to be let off the hook I'm an ordinary woman who chooses every day to make one more extraordinary decision you're a grinder Yeah right and look there's a lot of people out there that can talk you obviously have a profound gift for storytelling but there's a lot of storytellers what made you so interesting to me is that you you've done the hard work to get there you don't make a secret of it you'll walk people through it your books our how-to manuals it's about doing the work it's really a guide you have a great quote there's no shortcut to the top there's no elevator there ain't nothing but stairs that's what stairs you got to get your gluts and action I was this more I was I was on the wall this morning doing my squats I don't know about y'all but I was doing my squats this more I was doing my lunges this morning every day I'm prepared for what's ahead of me there's no elevator there's no elevator you can't Google download this somebody trying to Google download it you know you can't you can't follow me on Facebook and get to where I am you're just gonna see where I am she just watched me through my window there's no glory in that if you watch me watch me to inspire you to get up and do one more squat just a little bit longer if you watch me watch me to inspire you to forgive the perceiving the unforgivable and love the personally unlovable so the universe can love you back like that if you watch me watch me so that it makes you want to be a better man want to be a better woman see when I rub myself up against somebody great it's so that I can want to be a better woman in their presence only hang around people who make you stand on your tippy toes that's what I do all the time and then I hang around people who I makes them on there too because that's what I do that's when people step onto my campus I train I'm a trainer I'm a trainer I'm a transformational coach I teach people how to turn the unbelievable into your reality that's what I do we're gonna grind first thing I wanna do is say look get your deodorant out put your tennis shoes on we call squatting on laundry don't run but on the other side of this you will see a life that's barely recognizable why cuz I'm living that life look at my look at Who I am I'm a c' student from Dorsey high school I ran track I got a D in - and speech and a fail in English when my English professor from high school was in Barnes and Nobles and he turned over Chicken Soup for the African console' my first book and he saw my face on the back he said he stood in Barnes and Nobles and started crying whoa he said he knew I was a good person but he didn't know if I make it cuz I wasn't talented in any particular area that then track I wasn't talented academic wise I didn't it didn't fire all fast for me I learned later that was because I was dyslexic and I had all these other learning styles it makes me more unique you know but in school it didn't show up that way and so I'm clear that I didn't get a hook up and I'm clear because of that this is available to everybody so I'm passionate about inviting people onto my campus come on get in my live room get in my online I online trainings deep dive in the book the book is like a three-day training by itself my latest book abundance now I put everything that that's what my legacy will be it will free more people than any other body of work that I've ever done other than the abundant life live program that I do because I'm all about touching people touching people letting them see touch me let me touch you so you can see there's zero distance between us and I believe the universe says God says when there's zero distance between you and it it is yours so I used to go around my girlfriend very very wealthy her husband created she created something it was so to kimberly-clark they made one sale for a hundred million dollars in life changed overnight for them so I would often go to their house in La Jolla California and I just rub all a stuff no really I've been rubbing my friend's stuff for like years I rub all this stuff and because I believe that zero distance between you and it means it's available to you so surround yourself in the things that stretch you and I'm not even into the material things so I want to live a great life like I'm not into cars but if I got to be on the road I want to be on the road in something absolutely amazing you know I'm not into materialistic things but I wanted to have that kind of indicator that my life is right I'm doing the right things as well as in less than 30 days I take eight of my family members to a Wahoo for a vacation and all I got to do is pack right just pack right I'll take care of everything else my grandmother was 87 my mother my father my son my nephew just just a ton of people that to me money just buys better memories money just buys better memories it's not about the money but listen if I got to have a problem on a write of my problem in a bed a car owner I want to end my day and go to a house that reflects the type of day I have so I just would I would surround myself I get I get hungry for it I'd hunt for it but through service and I got I will be remiss if I didn't say this I was willing to love some people from a distance I was willing to love some people from a distance because they were holding you back I wouldn't even say they we you know we use the phrase they were holding me back as if they got a slingshot around my neck but I look up so half the time and I'm holding onto them trying to use him as my excuse I'm just saying just I don't know if it steps on your toes if it does sit indian-style I'm not stopping I you know I cuz I could use my son well I don't want to leave my phone I can use my family they're not holding on to me I'm holding on to them I'm using them as an excuse to not play for logs I'm afraid if I go to the edge I might fall mm-hmm no my son when he was eight years old he said mommy when you go to the faraway places that I can't go to that I can't call you at I get really sad please don't go I could have stopped then when he was eight but instead I took him out of a public school put him in a private school went to the principal the private school and said I'd like to enroll my son but let me tell you what we're gonna do here when I leave and I'm going and I go away real far where he can't call me we're gonna distance learn him together and you're gonna send him away with a packet of homework and I'm gonna FedEx that homework back to you she says miss Nichols we don't have such a program I said oh I'm happy to help you co-create it and so when I went to Kenya my son went to Kenya from with me for a month and we did all of his homework his homework was like the everybody's project and we FedEx it back home when it's in Swahili he went to Swahili me when I went to Australia Australia and we FedEx is however I was willing to be inconvenienced for my conviction like if you go where you've never gone do what you've never done and say what you never said you'll become the woman in the man you've always known yourself to be you're trying to be someone new doing the same thing you've done or at least going to the edge and because most people live in the centre Tom when you're on the edge you feel the breeze on your chicken you think you did some ok come on like right that's oh yeah at the edge of the box no I want to be out of the box there's no box like I came here to disrupt everyone watching me to make sleeping and complacency difficult to make you mildly to moderate to significantly uncomfortable in any form of mediocracy I don't come to keep you comfortable I don't come to Raju I don't come to Kumbaya motivate I come to disrupt your norm so that your ad normal can come out so that your original can come out your uncharted turf can come out I come to disrupt any form of normal and I do it with the freedom of being like they're not liked like I love everyone here to like me love everyone here to like me but my freedom is if you don't like me it ain't even my business my grandma says other people's perception of you ain't none of your business is your job to do the best you possible and in doing you you inspire us because we're all trying to do each other if you want me to give you Oprah I will always undoubtably fail you but whenever you're interested I do a damn good Lisa Nichols I got her on lock that if you can master you and your contribution to the planet your unique fingerprint your individual breath your DNA you're an unrepeatable miracle you are an unrepeatable miracle give me some of you give me your uniqueness I'm just here to disrupt everybody's norm and give them my uniqueness and hopefully inspire millions to do the same and you may not always be able to monetize your passion it's not always about monetizing your passion let your investor ak8 your job I like to call it your investor let your investor help you do your dream by simply stabilizing your household letting your light stay on because you can't be creative with the lights are out believe me I've tried keeping food in your refrigerator so your passion is not always for profit your passion is not always something you monetize your investor takes care of your needs and then you go do your passion yeah it's interesting because we all have an opportunity to to create who we are to be something that's truly unique in our own and so few people are actively trying to do that how so walk me through because what makes you special is you go way beyond just the motivation what are you teaching Jelani about like what are the actual words or tools that you're giving him to be himself Jelani is now he'll be 22 this year 6 foot 2 210 pounds so what I teach my son is to do him not me what I teach my son is he's gonna find his best lessons and his biggest mistakes so don't be afraid of mistakes do you think most people don't know who they are like if you really especially young how do you help him find or how do you help anybody find that define it create it yeah um so you're going into transformation now and I love transformation more than I love motivation because it's it's it's a game-changer so I do a series of exercises constantly it's like it's like doing ab work you want great abs you can do sit-ups one time and get it you got to go back again and again and again and again that's the same for self-development you got it you got to live in it it's not a one-time shot so when someone tells me oh I did your workshop already I said oh you think you got it all like I did the same workshop 42 times right and still can go back and get something new so one I teach people how do you get connected with you you haven't met you yet how do you meet you and so there's a series of exercises that I have them do one exercise I'll give you one exercise and someone's gonna go home today and do this and it's a game changer and it's not even pretty so they say Aurora because first of all as a transformational coach very different than a motivational speaker inspirational speaker and informational speaker those people are there to incite you excite your transformational coaches designed to go to the dark place with you hold your hand and coach you out into a brighter light that's why it's the road less traveled so one exercise I have them do and this is and you'll notice just in this exercise you'll see how I help get them there so this exercise is called expose the lies and I have you get about 16 blank sheets of paper you may not feel like fill them all up but if you're playing big in the world like you are you might feel them all up and I have you write down every lie you tell yourself and I have you talk about just the lies around money first you might fill up to three pages just the lies are money and don't you can't think about it and then not write because if you think about is a lie because the exercises expose the lies so think of the lie you tell yourself so I'll never have enough money money is hard to earn I have to work hard to earn good money all right that's a lie like really it is something I don't know that you can make money while you sleep if you set it up right right so all the lies about money that you told yourself then I have you tell yourself all the lies you've told you some about who you are as a person like I used to I used to say I'm stupid because I used to hear all the time that I was are you you almost in the you almost qualify for the little bus you know I see all kind of stuff and I began to believe it I used to tell you I'm a slow learner hold on slow down I believed it so I would write all the lies you tell yourself about who you are next set of Lies which is why you have 16 sheets of paper and each each mindset each category can take you to three sheets of paper all the lies you tell us about relationships romantic family friends all the lies my family will never understand me that was on in my lives they'll never really get me I'll never have a long-lasting relationship with a man and then all the lies that you tell yourself around your health and fitness then all the lies you tell yourself around your spirituality can I tell you it's going to be ugly people normally like I want to do this they stop well it ain't gonna feel good if you stop before we get to the finish line so you have all these lies between every lie you skip four lines are equivalent to four lines in space once you finish that you read all the lies again so that you and you're going to feel nauseous and it may take you two or three days because you got it got to take a break from it right you finish it don't put it off more than four days because now you're procrastinating again and so again you know you know you and then in between the lie so you write all the lies down in pencil very important you write them all in pencil sixteen sheets of paper ten sheets of paper whatever then you get a red pen and you write the truth in between each lie even if you can't believe it yet now most people get stopped is our I don't know what the truth is okay but there is a truth because this is a lie and every lie has a truth even if you can't believe it yet so now you write the truth down you're gonna cry you're gonna cry on the lies you can cry on the truth because it's going to be exposed to you the truth that you knew but you forgot you knew it so you're living like you don't know your truth then after you've done that and the truth is written between every lie lies in pencil truth is in rip red ink you read for two days the lie the truth the lie the truth the lie the truth the lie the truth two days at least four times each day because now you're training your brain neural linguistic programming so the next time the light comes up your brain is going to naturally default to the truth that you wrote in red ink because you gave your brain to things versus just having this lie because when people say you're stupid the only thing you tell you you counter that with is I'm not stupid right that's not positive right and so now your brain is going lie truth lie truth lie truth lie truth then after the second day of reading the lie the truth get a eraser and what you don't do erase the lie and now you're just left with the truth so when you ask how do I get people there I do things like that so I always tell people watch my life and you'll be entertained step in and learn how to manage your life and you'll be transformed step onto my canvas I've just finished this mega series of videos they're not even out yet called abundant life and I did them after the book abundance now because people kept saying how do I get the stuff that say in the book and I go oh so I did 14 videos in my home I'm committed to showing others I don't want to be here long amount to top don't feel good when you only buy yourself you want company like you want company we're tribal we want queer community there's no glory in me being here by myself there's none whatsoever I want the busted doors open every single person in this room every single person listen to my voice look into our face I want every single person plus the double doors open and go get yours and UPS is not gonna come to your door saying hello I have a life for you please sign here you gotta go they're not coming they're not come you got to go out the door put on your best running shoes get your back strong and go after then run like it after like you're late for work I will run if we're late for work run for someone else's dream harder than we're run for ours yeah I love what you were saying about men you want people to cheer for you more than you cheer for yourself love you more than you love yourselves anything which is actually really odd it's really odd to expect somebody to be more impressed with you than you are with yourself to treat you better yeah then you treat yourself and then I just got to go here I got I got a pass I can go here ladies we really do it men do it as well but ladies were extroverted doing it we dump on our men and put the responsibility on you of our beauty of our love of our self-worth and and and then manage it differently you manage it in possessions and in money and in bank accounted and status that's where you go for that traditionally there's always exceptions to rules traditionally but as women we emote and make you have to be our self-esteem which is so incredibly unfair we ask questions we don't want to hear to answer to we ask questions that you only have one answer you can give us you really don't have freedom in that answer there's one answer I need right now to make me feel good and I just give it to me that's so incredibly unfair and we say we even have the old adage oh I just in marriage I went a man to complete me that's a big job you a lot of woman to complete come on you know where you come from in your issues that's not the truth it's my job and I love the dance between relationship where there's woman woman man and woman I love the dance between love in relationship but it's not anyone's job to complete you it's my job to complete me and then it's your opportunity to compliment my completeness and so my job is to work on Lisa versus to ask you to give me what I need and I think when we get that self development is something we haven't jumped into enough and I don't know about every culture but as african-americans and some other cultures as well people I've met we mistake spirituality for self development and we think spiritual awareness is self development spiritual awareness is spiritual awareness and it's understanding the divine and the higher power and the God whatever you call it and having some place to release - that's not self development self development is doing that daggone work I just talked about exposing the lies that are in your head that's running you the chatter the negative Nancy in your head you know it managing it and exposing exposing it that's our work and no one shows us how to do that work yeah that's a really important distinction that's really interesting and I think that people cloud the issue in their own mind why because Ryan holiday who's been on the show talks a lot about how merely defining your dream your goal your whatever can be intoxicating enough that you forget to actually go do the work yes and I think that they're never thought about it until you just said that but there is a sense of connection wonderment when you can tap into spirituality that is consciousness yeah consciousness is very important but it means nothing without action we got a whole bunch of conscious stuff people the conscious they know it all they know all the awareness they know affirmations but Joan Baez says that action is the antidote antidote antidote for despair Lisa Nichols adds action is the prescription for success how can you have one word one theory be the the antidote for something while being the prescription for another that's a powerful something action Will Smith said it when he was being interviewed by Tavis Smiley I'm just i'ma work hard in the next guy by five on the treadmill my dog a treadmill like I get it I was in South Africa and this gentleman was translating in Swahili from another gentleman and the gentleman asked me was I gonna go to the the party that night and I said I'll try to make it and he went to go back and tell me those are you gonna go to the party and I said I'll tell him I try to make and he went to translate again he turned out those are you gonna go to the party and I said how am I try to make any look those lady there is no work try in Swahili or either you're going or not tell them oh oh I'll be very day yeah like think about that but in Swahili there's no word for try we use try as a crutch to say I really don't want to do it but I don't want to tell you now just say I'm not gonna do it or I'm gonna do like I love it I never say try anymore after that Wow like bold yes or boat no just choose cuz no one wants to live in uncertainty and ambiguity and we live a life of ambi I don't know what I want to be I don't know what I'm gonna do because you'd never have to move in ambiguity instead just say I'm afraid to leap help me leap help me leap help me get the courage to leap cuz I don't want to live a life on the edge just say that that's just this the truth is sexy and it's liberating and it's sobering and what I believe people love most about me is that I give them the gift of the truth my truth first and then in some way I want to inspire you to share your truth and be okay with your truth and I just tell you guys I'm that same girl who ran track for Dorsey high school who struggled to get through high school who got kicked out of college because I couldn't afford to stay that was on governments I'm the same girl I'm that same girl I don't forget her I'm also that same woman who runs a multi-million dollar business I'm also the same woman who has seven bestsellers I own both of those I own all of it I don't shrink to my greatness and I don't live in my side of my sorrow if you can own your brilliance while owning your your imperfections if you can own your giant while owning your smallness if you can live in duality constant duality the freedom will be earth-shaking if you can live in that sea either you don't want to be as great as you really are and you're trying to dim your light so that others won't feel insecure about themselves in your presence and so you keep playing at seventy-nine Watts when you know you're supposed to shine at 159 Watts and you keep checking the temperature of the room to see what the room can handle versus just given the room you and letting them at the your lights too bright and let them put on some shades can you give yourself permission to live in the duality of your imperfections and your smallness and what you're learning and what you still have to learn and your greatness and your brilliance and your light can you allow them to coexist and then serve them up to the world to love you to see you to inhale you to judge you to leave you to love you you're just some of us are just as afraid of being loved as we are to be left can you give the world permission to leave you and love you so thank you so much for coming Galkin bream now where can they find you you can go to abundance now online.com abundance now online.com and that gives you access to my book but it also gives you access to some tools I don't just want you to pick up the book I want you to pick up the book and become a student so that you can have the transformation so I give you a lot of free things when you go there but most importantly you step on my campus I want you to step on my campus I want you to find ways if it feels good if it doesn't feel good learn from someone else but if it feels good and I speak your language then step on the campus and give yourself that chance I would invite you too we don't even have it out yet but when it comes out you'll hit the abundant life when the abundant life program comes out run to it run to it it's that it's going to be that game-changer I just believe it with all my heart and so I believe that on the other side of it when I sit down my grandmother says when you get my age baby you suppose the city always felt calls us all baby when you get my age baby you supposed to sit in your favorite rocking chair and tell the story of your life but when you're your age when you're your age when you're your age you supposed to make sure the story's gonna be good to tell and I just believe that the abundant life program helps to make sure that your story is gonna be good to tell so go to abundance now online.com well guys uh I know I just had my bell rung I hope you guys did as well and in terms of making your life a story that is well worth telling I cannot encourage you enough to dig into this woman and really get to the heart of the matter and please I'm absolutely begging you do not make her extraordinary to discount the accomplishments that she has done because the transformation that she has gone through is absolutely mind-blowing and if you really like we watch this one is I was listening to her I thought oh my god like the number of nuggets of gold thrown out of her like a minute was absurd so rewatch it I normally encourage people to watch things on to X watches that have speed make sure you get them all write them down it's utterly incredible she doesn't make excuses and that's the thing that really really was powerful for me as somebody who spent time in South Central and knows that that environment is not doing anything to propel you forward to have been in that to have oh man just every disadvantage thrown your way and to say I'm the only one that's going to pull me out of this I am my rescue no one else be your own rescue my friends don't make excuses connect with her do the work the work do the work that's amazing and as she says but she actually didn't say today with knock knees and chattering teeth weep and without my friends until next time be legendary take care [Music]

Channel: Tammy Golden

Views: 1,173,690

Rating: 4.8979392 out of 5

Keywords: Lisa Nichols, self help

Id: tSxhIp4l1DY

Length: 55min 14sec (3314 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 31 2016