The Secret to Overcoming Your Fears | Lori Harder on Women of Impact

I'm Lisa Billu and I went from housewife to co-founder of the billion dollar company quest nutrition and our president of impact theory on mission with this show is empower you and all women to recognize you really can become the hero of your own life welcome to women of impact [Music] today's women of impacts list of accomplishments are so insane they run longer than a Spartan a triathlon and an ultra marathon combined from three-time fitness world champion to flexing her muscles on ten yes ten magazine covers to building million-dollar business to take in the stage as a TEDx speaker to a number one best-selling author of A Tribe Called bliss to hosting live events and conducting online courses to the founder of the Bliss Project and last but definitely not least the podcast creator and host of earn your happy which constantly sits at the top of the iTunes charts yes it is safe to say this woman has more energy in than a venti Pike Place and guys this is all how she's still in her thirties but to paint her by numbers like one of those coloring books you get at Sizzlers is to miss the most impressive and/or inspiring thing about her it's the details that you don't see that really make up the one-of-a-kind masterpiece that is this woman from growing up in an uber religious household to being relentlessly bullied to suffering from crippling anxiety that led to her full-blown panic attacks to being a victim of kidnapping this woman has had to brush off the dirt of failure fear and rock-bottom pick herself back up time and time again in order to evolve into the inspiring woman she is today so it is with my absolute honor to introduce to you one of the most humble women I've ever had the pleasure to me and call a dear friend Laurie harder and so I want to start in talking about fear which I know is a subject that you love talking on now and all these things that you have accomplished I'm sure you've had to attack your fear so standing up on stage posing in your bikini going for all these other jobs getting rejected getting bullied all these things talk to me about how that fear penetrated you and then how you didn't allow it to paralyze you oh man well first of all thank you so much but fear has been something that when I was younger I really believed it was something that you avoid or there's something wrong with you if you feel it because that's just I think that's what I kind of my family and I think at the time it was if you can remember back to like magazines and shows and interviews they never told you about the scary part it was always like blowing up their accolades and talking about how great they were when I started to learn what it actually felt like when people started sharing with me what was actually going on behind the scenes it empowered me to say this is normal because what happens is we get stuck in the eye I'm anxious I'm nervous I'm still scared this is not normal you're not normal you can't do this so as soon as the conversation started to switch to Oh other people have said this is a normal feeling for them and what happened is there was a point in my life where I had such debilitating anxiety I was so nervous and I was like I'm too nervous to be able to go do this interview so I'm gonna go to a doctor and see if I can go see a therapist and just if I could talk through what's going on because I was getting panic attacks around anything where I had to do an interview social anxiety if I was in a group of like three or four or more and I would have to even just talk if I wasn't a training for work or different things like that and I would have to share something I would just full-on like heart would be pounding dizzy would lose my breath couldn't speak like I'd start to just get so nervous and then tears would develop in my eyes and I'm like this is not going to help me do anything in my life so I went to the doctor and I told the doctor that this was happening and they said okay oh that's that's fine we'll put you on medication so instead of the therapist that I was asking for to talk through it I was put on medication and while it helped a tiny bit I was getting crazy side effects one of them being like zero sex drive in my early twenties being married not a great combination zero I'm talking below zero and what ended up happening is I went back there like okay we'll put you on more so I ended up being on three different things at once and one day I was at home and you know I was a person who loved to work out at this point in my life and I was a barely motivated person and Chris came home and I was eating like my second bowl of pasta at like 5:00 p.m. I was doing completely things that were not inside my normal you know habits and who I was and then all of a sudden this really sad commercial came on TV and I realized that I did not feel anything and then I thought to myself and like if something happened to my family right now like terrible how would I feel and I remember thinking that I felt numb I was like I don't know if I could cry and it was just because everything was being muted and blocked so for me at that point I thought I'm gonna have to start facing this head-on this is gonna be the only way this is ever going to go away so what I started to do after I got off of that was I said what is the scariest thing that I could possibly do that also sets me up to have a goal around something I love and it was competing in a fitness competition put yourself in a bikini onstage are you kidding me like that really so I went straight for that and it was one of the scariest things I did but I noticed that every single time I would compete or every single time I would go get in front of people or put myself in a scary situation it would get a little bit better and while it was you know while it felt terrible in it I also started to say it can't be worse than what I was doing and I can't live like this anymore because I noticed that if I wasn't facing it that it was getting worse and I thought Lori you're gonna end up in a padded room or you're gonna end up locked in your house if you don't do something about it and I know that a lot of people can relate to that but what made you do that instead of going okay I'm fearful as [ __ ] right I'm taking this medication it isn't working well screw it I'm gonna go off the medication I'm never gonna face my fear I'm gonna live a life of comfort I'm gonna stay in my comfy house and I'm never gonna put myself out then and I don't have to face my fear and everything's blissful what made you not choose that path because I think so many people do because that's not what I saw for myself and I know that's not what people see for that's the final goal as the final goal so I think that we all know what we're supposed to be but we kind of muted out or dull it out but one thing that I've always been able to do and this is something that people can do and that they literally just heard that this is how you actually make something a habit is that you need to bring in the pain of what will happen if you don't make a change so for me what happened is I started to bring in the pain of the future so fast forward to the future and bring in the pain of one year if you don't make a change of five years if you don't make a change then I've always done this thing where I go to my deathbed and I always say how am I gonna feel if I know that all of these gifts and this potential that I can see that I get visions of are not reached on my deathbed and I go all the way down to whatever you believe whether you know you're religious or whether you believe in energy whatever that is at the end of your life when you're looking over everything or when you meet your creator or whatever that looks like are you gonna say you know what I just really felt like you didn't give me everything I needed for this life and we know that's not truth we know that's not truth so for me it's always been to bring the pain in to the present moment but then you also have to bring in the reward into the present moment of if you face that fear so even give me an example um okay so I just did spoken word this last weekend for the first time ever on a stage of 1,100 women like why not do it that way my friend my friend had an event and she was like Lori I want you to speak at my event I was like of course I'll speak at your event I would love to and she's like but you're not gonna speak you're gonna do spoken word what I had to do for that though was I couldn't I I couldn't think about you know what would happen if I failed it was like I had to think about how fun it was going to be how excited I was gonna be when I got done I had to think about what I would open up if I did this I had to think about oh my god my whole life I've wanted to perform and then what I also had to do was say if I don't do this how will I feel like what if I never got the opportunity to do this ever again what if someone said you can never ever share your poetry you can never sing you can never get on stage and perform and I was like oh that feels terrible like that was awful because I know that fear is the X that marks the spot to a treasure beyond anything you can pop I had that quote down boy use freaking genius like it is it's everything so I'm telling people now because what I'm doing I have no idea why I signed up for this but I did but I'm going to all of my fear places it's like we know where they are we're just avoiding them everyone watching this like literally knows oh that's scary for me Oh public speaking that's scaring the crap out of me Oh asking that woman to connect that scaring me if you want to accelerate your life and have a life beyond your wildest dreams it's all of those things all you have to do is go to that one that one and that it doesn't rejection it doesn't matter the rejection that's a part of it like rejection is so powerful and so beautiful it's really fast feedback and you feel it and you know and a lot of my rejection has spurred on that's okay they can't see me yet like that's okay they can't see what's in here yet I can see it like you have to keep saying that to yourself over and over and you also have to say that's okay this is new for me like it's gonna get better you have to allow yourself to be a beginner like no it's not gonna be polished it's not gonna be awesome and you're not doing it for your mentors who are up here you're doing it for the people who are here looking at you thinking you know wow she's just a couple steps ahead of me and you're blazing that trail for them so I think that we get it really confused with you know when I was about to do spoken word it was like oh my gosh well I have all these like people that I love like I'm obsessed with in queue and you know it's not like his and why can't I be that good and that polish and I was like I'm not I'm not doing it to be like that I'm doing it to be my version and I'm not I don't want to compare myself to that that well I want that to inspire me but I don't want it to make me feel stuck and that's just it becomes so overwhelming right but just reframing looking at different through a different lens I think can make all the difference in pushing that fear down so what do you say to people though that let's say make excuses mm-hmm because I think sometimes they don't realize it's the fear that's actually driving them and so they'll use an excuse and then even sometimes the excuse is valid mm-hmm totally okay so what do you do if you've got advice in that situation where you could use all the excuse in the world and other people devian understand but the truth is if you really dig deep it's the fear I say no matter what in life you're you literally are going to have pain you are no matter what so I'm gonna choose the pain with a reward on the other side every single time because I will tell you that your comfort zone the longer you stay in it is so much more uncomfortable than the quick hit of pain even if I do something and I fail I'm like that's okay that's progress that's the first step of going and doing something new I think we forget that no matter what everybody's a beginner like I I would like test people on here who are watching to take their favorite mentor and go and look up some of their old stuff from like 10 years ago and you'll be like oh my gosh like this makes me feel so much better but it's so important to do that because now we're comparing it to like they have this team of 20 and they're polished and it looks amazing they have all this help and you're like yeah but at one point they were you know on their phone or computer like alone in their house with some bad lighting and bad hair absolutely amazing and do you think I mean I guess from your content that you do find that very important to show other people so in with your first spoken words that you release you do a whole I don't know what you would call it like I guess an intro and how nervous you are doing it and then you go into it and it's like something switch and you sound so amazing if you you sing and it's it's beautiful and then the second you're done and you're like oh thank god I'm done oh my god Jesus Christ and like you it's it's it was hilarious and beautiful all at the same time because it was an incredible glimpse into seeing who you really are and seeing that you're human just like everyone else and you could have edited that you could have taken the first chunk out and you could have taken the end pile and as an listener I would have gone wow she's perfect hmmm but because you left those bookends in I really felt I was with you like a fly on the wall with you to hear the fear in you to hear you overcome the fear and then to exhale at the end so cute and what was the reason I mean what was I'm doing it that way being making yourself vulnerable right because showing that you're not perfect and that you did have to hold your breath is extreme vulnerability my whole purpose on this planet I really believe is to be walking permission and I can only be walking permission for people if I give it to myself what do you mean they'll come to me I want people to look at me and and know that when I do something I want them to see all of it so that it gives them permission to do whatever they want to be doing I this weekend I cried on stage before I did it because I just got so nervous and so overwhelmed and I just said thank you so much for giving me the space and they just I asked them to support me it really said here's the deal guys I can't do this without you cheering I'm like so even if you're faking it please cheer for me if something resonates or hits you or you understand something and so I asked for support I supported myself I told my friends about it before I did it I was like please help me help me get grounded what can I do I want people to see that the journey to that is like I'm not just doing this I've asked for so much support I've asked for help I've prayed I've done all the rituals like and I also allowed myself to let it be okay if I fail like my friend Yaya says if you can't conceal it reveal it I'm just like I can't conceal how freaked out I am so I'm gonna tell you about it it's and we're in such a cool time right now where you know however you want to deliver your message whether that's spoken word or poetry or humor or comedy or comic books whatever that looks like like try it yeah I love that and almost watch you about identity I'm a little obsessed with it mm-hmm because growing up I definitely thought you know I from my Greek background and my heritage you're supposed to be a certain way so identified with being you know a Greek girl that was gonna get married and have kids and support her husband yeah even though deep down I had massive dreams like I was telling myself I want to win the Academy Award from for directing and like I got all these things but it was almost like too lots of me the dreamer and then the reality and I them for the longest time and as I got older I was like war hang on I don't have to be this I don't have to be this then I went into quest and my identity was quest yep and then making that shift was very difficult and then into impact there in the making that shift again like constantly evolving is what I strive for but in large when it comes to identifying who you are yourself and then how other people identify you fulfilled so because you've had so many evolutions to talk to me about that and talk to me about how you were able to either shut out the noise or embrace the noise of what your identity should be versus what you want your identity to be mmm I don't know why it's making me feel emotional because they understand the transition from tribe to tribe to tribe to tribe because you are breaking a contract you're breaking a contract with that group of people you're not acting the way that they expect you to which means that you're going to probably be kind of cast out or criticized because criticism is the fastest way to make someone act the way you want them to act right like if you if I was to criticize someone it's the quickest way to shut someone down and be like now now come back so that's what we're afraid of we're afraid of being criticized especially our character so that's one thing that's important to know is when you're criticized it's someone trying to control you out of fear wow I've never had it set like that before but that's really freaking powerful so if we can know what's coming if we can know what's coming and what is normal we can also know that it's gonna eventually bypass and you can also learn how to support yourself around it so for me I know that criticism is gonna come when I branch into something new but I also know that I can support myself and get the people around me who are going to help me if criticism comes or they're gonna give me more feedback about what I what I desire to hear or they're gonna help me in the transition so like with the spoken word when I knew coming I'm like I am scared to death of what people will say like what a fraud like who is this person why is she doing this like what what in the world where did this come from does she think she's actually this good or whatever that looks like who knows right that those words yes absolutely so what I did is I got like I did my first one in like a very small group of like very close girlfriends and I was like here's the deal I'm gonna do this but I don't want any feedback yet I'm too broad okay I was like give me a couple days just tell me the good stuff and then I'm gonna come back and ask I love that you are so self-aware young you I want the the truth you don't want people biessing you yes but you don't want it right there and then I know to rah and I say this events too like when people do big events because it's so soulful when you're doing something that requires so much of your soul like you know that feeling you're like I just expose my soul this is a part that I've kept so private for so long so you know when people do events or when I do events I give myself two to five days before I can hear any feedback you're just not you don't have the willpower in the like you're too exhausted at that point I think from just putting it out there in the fear so supporting yourself around what you want to do is so vital but as far as the transition and leaving tribes I think knowing what is going to happen asking people what happens in supporting yourself for where you want to go so create groups of people for where you want to go instead of just for where you're at I think that's so vital to do and you do that before you leave the current tribe yeah absolutely absolutely because what happens when you're like wait is this normal oh I just got criticism is this normal you can go ask that person of course this is normal this is to be expected here's what's gonna happen now people are gonna say this or this or it's gonna feel this way you know there's gonna be this point where you're gonna feel like there's a freefall it's gonna feel awful you're gonna wish you didn't do it you're gonna have vulnerability hangover you're gonna be like what the heck was I thinking and then you're gonna keep going you're gonna do it again so that's why I think it's so important to that is to have those people who are ahead on that journey to tell you what it looks like or one of the biggest things is to think that it's supposed to feel good because I think that thinking that your journey to who you want to be that it's going to feel good is one of the most disempowering beliefs we can possibly have like it doesn't feel good and I think that's powerful to know yeah it feels like a stretching beyond anything you think is possible feels like massive self-doubt it's painful and that's what it really looks like and that's what it really feels like all right well what if you're in a tribe mm-hmm and the people in there you just love mm-hmm but you don't think that that's for you anymore and they're trying to keep you they try they're giving you the negativity you're never gonna make here what are you doing stay with me whether it's a boyfriend or where you get so many scenarios like this and I think it then becomes hard for people to leave because then they have to make a choice mhm I have to leave behind these people that I love what is it gonna be like so even if you dabble into the future like you said like try ons and things and you like it how do you suggest people make that choice with like leaving they're the people that really like their heart is connected to you but the actual thing itself they're no longer connected to mmm I've done I've done this a lot and there's also a point that you have to look at where if you're getting criticized or people don't want you to grow there's some pain there so while they they you feel loved and while you feel comfortable there's also a pretty good amount of pain that is happening now and that will happen if you don't become the biggest version of you so I think that something that I always tell people is to start crowding out your life with really good things so you can invite them along and one I think if this I always think of this with health and fitness you know when you want to start getting healthier or lose weight or whatever that looks like it's never that you want to say you can't have anything anymore but what you want to do is fill your plate was so much good stuff that there's not that much room for the crap anymore so I look at that in life like put so much good stuff in your world and with the next level stuff events connections with other people networking things you know putting classes whatever that looks like podcasts books fill your life with so much next-level stuff that you actually don't have that much room anymore for the other things and yeah they'll say oh you don't have time for us you don't have room for us and you can say come with me there's always room for you if you come with me but this is where I have to go like if I don't do this for myself and that's a real conversation - I think what we forget is to have these conversations you know crit like crystal clear communication like if I don't do this for myself I know that I'm going to be so unhappy so I would love your support in this area asking for it and the thing about tough conversations is that you don't just have them once you haven't 5 10 15 20 times like all of the things that have turned out well in my family was from these conversations but we had them for five years straight you know it was like no I really need your support I know that this is how I was but this is where I want to go you know this is I if I keep doing this it's not gonna support these dreams or I have this bigger vision like you just have to keep saying this is how you feel this is how you want support this is what it looks like I'd love for you to come with but this is what I have to do and is that what you are able to do with your family because you grew up in a very religious stringed household is that is that what you did with your family lots of tough conversations like in that time or like now all the time okay I think if you're I think if you're growing and I think if you have a good relationship with anyone that you're in it always like really clear communication because I don't want to live a life of resentment I'd spent my whole life doing that beforehand so like feeling like you're in a straightjacket and feeling resentful is gonna manifest in some really ugly way later if you don't start communicating and the first conversation is gonna feel awful ii will feel awful they get a little less awful each time but at the same time it's just go straight for that go straight for that conversation go straight for that X go straight for that fear and it is gonna be freedom and I had no intention of asking this but as you were talking it's like oh my god this is perfect so the other day I was in a restaurant really long story been cut it sure is they wanted to charge me extra for asking them to prepare a some way because I'm I've got very you know big health issue and the manager was just unreasonable hmm and she turned her back on me she was extremely rude and at that moment I was like wow I'm so used to dealing with people that are present people that are mindful the people that want a growth mindset that it was the first time in a long time I embraced somebody that was I don't want to generalize quote/unquote crazy right like none stable yeah and I was like I don't know what to do in this situation because I'm now trying to reason with someone who is not reasonable mm-hmm so have you found yourself in that situation going back to talking to your family or your in-laws where you're trying to be super reasonable and they just can't hear you absolutely what I mean dude okay so I pick my battles all the time all of the time you know there's been some people who for a while I had to like say no more I literally I have the analogy like if the bus is not going to stop get out of its way like stop stepping in front of it and for years I just kept stepping in front of it and being like why do you keep running me over and then I was like just stop going in front of the bus like stay out of its way yeah I too got a little annoyed with myself after that I spent the energy on it I'm like and it wasted what a great analogy for life though yeah like because there's always gonna be someone like that in our life who would just no matter what you say oh this is so big no matter what you say or do or how you show up there's gonna be some people who don't like you and who think you're crazy yeah it's true yeah mm-hmm and you almost don't have to yeah don't let them penetrate you I had someone in my life who literally no matter what I did it was like they just did not like me and it would be every time I'd go back to like apologize or say I found myself in like this apology that I didn't even know what I was apologizing for anymore it was like just apologizing for being me I guess that all of a sudden it was like this person is no matter what I say it gets turned into a totally different conversation what are you doing like cut it off it taught me so much about learning to just completely cut that out of your life and make peace with it because at that point it now becomes your journey to let go and forgive them and love them from afar because I literally every time I would see this person even on social media it was like I could just feel the venom race through my veins and I was like I have to love this person somehow but the only way for me to do it is to cut them out and to like start asking for just like being able to forgive them and love them from a heart why do you think it's so important to love somebody that you may not like it's for you it's only for you they must be experienced whatever we're feeling about someone so we may hate someone and it's not about hating them we're feeling the hate they don't feel it they don't even know it so it's for you if you love them you feel loved if you hate them you feel hate and that's it like that at the end of the day you you either are consuming that and when I think about the feelings of not liking someone or being irritated with someone we now know that's also linked to you know creating a chemical cocktail in your body and it's just harmful for your body so a lot of us it's like we wonder why we have health issues that we're tired or we have no energy your thoughts are consuming that thought that you're thinking about that person or taking something personal or you know thinking like wishing you could go back and change something we can can only have power over how we feel right now so let's say you've got someone like your friend who you're starting to feel like okay you're apologizing you're trying to make it work it's just not there um how do you separate someone coming to you for criticism and you're going oh actually that's true yes I'm gonna use that to better myself mm-hmm or to separate it and say wow no this is just them and I'm not gonna change for them and so I have to separate myself how do you make that distinction I think there's a couple things I think number one when someone's giving you feedback crap you know credit criticism but in a loving way you feel that because a lot of times they'll say something like hey you're amazing you know I value this about you or I think you're amazing in this area I just want to give you some feedback around this because I really either just can see your highest potential or I see how you know this could maybe help you but maybe you're not seeing it is it okay if I share this with you so their delivery I think delivery is huge if you didn't love the delivery you can I mean you can say could we talk could I get a little more detail on the feedback just because I want to make sure that you know I can move forward feeling empowered and right now I don't feel complete or I don't feel closure around this I would love to be able to let you know how I was feeling at the time or whatever this looked like like asked to go deeper with that person and get a little bit of closure I love that and I want to do a bit of a 180 okay and I want to talk to you about when you were kidnapped if you're okay with to open bound so for a while it took you a while to speak up about it and I want to kind of tie that in with identity so first of all how did you not just inevitably slip into the pattern of like that's your identity I was somebody that was kidnapped and beaten and then also what was that process in coming out and speaking out about it eventually and if you can take me through that so after it happened I had a roommate that I was on the trip with and when I came home I was a mess like I I didn't like men I was nervous around them I couldn't even I was having like night terrors I was waking up you know I wasn't sleeping at night I was afraid of everything like I was looking over my shoulder constantly and I needed to process and I was talking to a roommate and she didn't process anything so clue number one don't go to someone who doesn't process anything in their life to process something because what happened is I was like I really need to talk about this and it was I looked up to her like she was that person that I always wanted to be like because she was popular and everybody loved her and she looked at me and said I don't want to talk about this it makes me feel bad oh wow you should just not talk about it any anymore and it will go away so and I really believed that she was like I don't talk about my stuff and it goes away well she was an alcoholic I was also basically an alcoholic at the time so I was like she's right I'm just gonna shove it down like I really believed that the more like hard I became that the more I would just like not feel it anymore so I did like this 180 and started to be a bit hardened like I just thought if I just was like I don't feel it I'm gonna you know block it out well let me tell you it will manifest later in your life but what happened is I started to choose this identity of oh well I'm gonna take that and I'm gonna like harden myself that was my new identity I'm hardened I'm just detached like I'm not gonna feel again I remember saying that this is interesting I'm processing right now I remember saying I'm just not gonna feel again well that didn't work out super awesome for me because I never really connected with people much after that for a while did you always take pride in the fact that you like I'm a Hogg totally and I think that that's a protective mechanism that we do so instead of going into victim mode I was like I was like you just don't feel like you can do any of this you can work three jobs you can work hard you can you know your family can be mad at you for leaving the religion they don't you know or they're not wanting to talk to you where they're upset with you or whatever that looks like and I'm like I just don't feel I guess having boyfriend issues and all these other things like it's okay you don't feel interesting so how did you recognize that that was actually become extremely detrimental to your future and then how did you get out of it well that didn't happen until much later I think I started letting in like really the first person I really let in after that was my husband and Chris like has to process everything like he actually his mom was went to school for psychology and like Chris's like process his whole life so he comes in my life and he says to me coz the first time we get in this little fight he's like if you leave don't come back he said that yeah and I was like okay watch me so I like pull out of the driveway and I pulled down to the bottom of the driveway and just sit in my car that's amazing and I'm like crap I think he's serious and so I just sit out there like trying to be stubborn right to not feel and I'm like he's really serious and he kept on giving me this ultimatum he's like if you leave I do not come do not come back because I will not put up with this he's like how you ever expect to work through a problem so I had to start just like I would flee but flee to like a bedroom so that was the first step in me being like okay we're gonna just face this head-on because I've never faced a problem head-on in fact looking back I remember watching different people in my family flee from problems my mom leaves or my dad leaves or close the door shut this or whatever that looks like and so that's what I learned like you just slam the door you don't deal with it and so when he started doing that like so confrontational I was like the last one failed this one's gonna fail if I don't start at least listening and so that's when I started saying okay I'm gonna stay here for it there was years and years and years of that I I would be lying if I told you I still don't want to leave I still want to leave because that's just like in a in yes I still would rather just leave but then I'm like wait I'm choosing suffering this sucks yeah so how do you advise other people and let's say they don't have a Chris and then they don't have someone that's there to kind of push them into being open do you have any tips or tactics that they could possibly use in their own lives to go because I'm sure someone listening or watching right now has had some form of what you've been through whether it's abuse at home or something else and they're it's you're resonating with them right and they're like yes I've hardened what actual things can they put into place to start to soften up there's a couple things it's it's knowing I now know which has given me massive power back relationships are hard they just are they're not supposed to be easy if you think they are that's a fairy tale even best friends fight even the most beautiful marriage as you see still fight but in time you'll learn how to do it and I think that at first you have to start trying on what it feels like to be vulnerable with someone to stay in the room during the fight to cry in front of someone to be like this is me it's I'm messy I'm raw I'm like you know it's ugly this is the part of me I don't want you to see like this very vulnerable part because for a long time I didn't cry I didn't cry in front of people so I think if you are in a relationship or a friendship to know like are we in this for the long run do we at like even if you're in a fight just be like do we actually both want peace at the end of the day is that what we actually both want you know or do you want them out of your life what do you actually want what's the final thing because then you can start saying okay my actions are not matching up with peace right now this is how someone would act if you want someone out of your life yeah you know you're not looking for resolve you're looking for a fight right now so I always think of that I'm like I'm choosing suffering right now if I'm running I'm choosing to stay in this longer and now I'm to the point where I'm like life's too short I'd rather be happy and at the end of the day if I have to be with this person anyway why am i postponing you know the apology or the acceptance or the conversation I want to pick up on one thing that you said earlier we said I want to be my highest self mm-hmm how do you be your higher self and know when enough is enough mmm because you're so driven you've got you know I going back to identity your ever evolving mm-hmm how do you or do you ever say okay I'm at my highest self period and now is enough is enough do you ever say then and if not how do you still have peace within yourself of who you are right now no I'm I won't be at my highest self until you know I die I think that to be a human is to uh to crave growth no matter what that looks like whether it's a better relationship with yourself or a partner or your children or with whatever you're doing you know if you love to cook becoming a better cook like I think there's endless ways to evolve I do think it's important to celebrate the evolution you know I think there's points where there will be a point where probably not pushing this hard but I'm pushing in different areas like you know maybe it's kids or maybe it's a garden or maybe it's painting or maybe it's like relaxing so hard that I you know I'm just like learning how to be so at peace but that's evolution that's growth so I think that to ignore growth is to feel pain because as humans we're we're meant we start to feel pain when we're out in growth mode I do think that rest is important to build in I think it's vital I think that when you start to feel exhausted or tired or empty you may not be celebrating it enough you may not be doing what you love if you're feeling exhausted tired or empty yeah I love that because that's it Imperials now why'd you push so hard now that you've you're successful or like it's it if nothing is ever enough for me yeah it's because I like to grow that I like to have nothing ever enough but it doesn't mean that I'm not satisfied and it doesn't mean that I'm not present in what I'm doing right now but yeah I just found that fascinating because it's hard to like when do you push yourself too much that you actually need to accept where you are and then when do you say to yourself you know only we know that yeah and nobody in your world can tell you when because telling you like look it I mean look at people like Elon Musk or whoever people who are who are changing the world like if they don't push their missions not gonna happen and so we all have different missions in life and only you can know what your mission is on this planet and I think that's the tough part is like letting it be okay that it's her season of rest and it's your season of go you know I could talk to you faster I really could go and but before I ask my last question why can these guys find you online Laurie harder calm or instagram at laurie harder m and so last question what do you consider your superhero power to be you know I I I really hope it's just Vanar ability and I being approachable I love love love just the fact that I can I'm okay with being vulnerable now because that's opened up so many doors for me that's amazing thank you so much for coming on oh my god guys so I have had the pleasure of hanging out with this woman many times off-camera and when I tell you every time I meet her I feel like I am reborn I've learnt something new she's given me a new piece of nugget of gold I'm gonna implement in my own life so hopefully this episode has really done that for you guys to go back watch what she's saying check out her website check out all her content it is so freakin incredible if you really do take what she said and you actually put it into your own lives you too can go out and be your own superhero period so embrace your vulnerability like this woman does and just go kick ass because you know what it is possible she's living proof of it so thank you guys for joining if you're not subscribed already click that subscribe button down there and follow me Lisa at Lisa Billoo and until next time guys go be the superhero of your own life peace out what up guys Lisa here thanks so much for watching this episode and if you haven't already subscribed that little bone right in front of you click click click away we release episodes every Wednesday so be sure to get notified until next time go be the hero of your own life

Channel: Lisa Bilyeu

Views: 73,103

Keywords: women of impact, woman of impact, lisa bilyeu, tom bilyeu, impact theory, quest nutrition, motivation, inspiration, female empowerment, lori harder, earn your happy, find your tribe, a tribe called bliss, entrepreneur, female entrepreneur, face your fears, vulnerability, self love, fitness, fitness expert, female fitness

Id: riEgF2h6zrs

Length: 41min 39sec (2499 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 31 2018