How to Stop Shaming Your Thoughts and Start Listening to Them | Nicole LePera on Women of Impact

I have a confession to make this show woman of impact is a Trojan horse you see the biggest impact in my life was when I accepted my inadequacies shortcomings and flaws and became a student of growth and I realized that by sitting face to face with women who can teach and facilitate my growth would be like plugging into the matrix yep just call me Trinity and today's guest is my Morpheus training at Cornell University and gaining a PhD in clinical psychology today's women of impact put on her timberlands and walk down a very traditional path and opened up a private practice but with her developing brain fog short-term memory loss and ever-growing anxiety she realized her existing methods and understanding of the brain were not complete so in her search to heal herself she began to research epigenetics the Mayan gut connection and the subconscious everything she hadn't learned in school and as her mind and body came into balance and the scary symptoms over time went away she could no longer deny the power of the holistic approach now founder of the mindful healing center in Philadelphia as a holistic psychologist she works with individuals couples and families on relationships gut health sleep movement cellular health belief and mindfulness so please help me in welcoming the woman who's empowering individuals to be the hero of their own lives by healing themselves the woman through her blogs and videos shows us tactically how to gain control of our thoughts and emotions and the woman who's growing fast on social media than bamboo in a rainstorm the holistic psychologist herself dr. Nicole Lapera [Music] I'm Lisa Villa and I went from housewife to co-found and a billion dollar company quest nutrition and now president of impact theory our mission with this show is empower you and all women to recognize you really can become the hero of your own life welcome to women of impact what's up guys I hope you enjoy this episode brought to you by our friends over at Wix thank you so much Lisa welcome Josh it always that was such a wonderful introduction I'm beyond honored to be here I'll go I'm so excited I think that right now you're gonna teach me so much everyone's gonna see me like go straight into the student mode because I just want to suck out every piece of information you have and where I want to start is understanding our subconscious our consciousness I should say and I have a quote from you the most impactful tool is developing consciousness most of us feel completely merged in our thinking mind we need to be conscious in order to explore and change any limitations within ourselves if we're not then we're going into autopilot and end up making the same mistakes repeating the same patterns its consciousness that allows us to choose to pick new thoughts to have new feelings and to make new choices so talk to me through what actually is consciousness and how do we establish it so in a very simplified way my two steps have change that you'll always hear me mention our consciousness and then really starting to break those habits of the subconscious really that's a lot of the reason why we're stuck and I always throw this that out there Lisa because to me it's my blowing the fact of the matter is that if we do not practice or make an intention effort at becoming conscious 95% of our weaking day is spent in autopilot so that's incredible and to me that's a lot a lot of the reason why people are saying the word to me and I'm sure you might have felt this yourself I know I did which is stuck a lot of the reason we're stuck is because again the power that 95% of our day we're caught in that autopilot so first and foremost consciousness is is the way that we change so what consciousness is is coming out of autopilot is learning to observe our self our internal world and our external world in a new way that we can be able to ultimately then begin to pick new thoughts like you said new choices we can really begin to change and I think for me it's it's really shifting into another word that I always say is empowerment because I think when we are in that autopilot state a lot of us really understandably begin to feel reactive in the world we live our life and things happen in our external environments a lot of times in our relationships we feel like we're just going about life reacting to them and unfortunately the reactions that we typically have are very patterned are not really the most helpful reaction so until we practice consciousness that is where we gain control because we shift from okay the world is happening to me and I'm just reacting in that same old way that's getting me the same old response or kind of feedback in the environment to wait a minute now I'm online I'm a participant so let me understand the role that my subconscious or that my mind plays in my daily life and that is I believe how we become empowered because now we're in the picture we're in the equation and we get to have a say about what happens next in a new way so and take me through what I love about your content is just so tactical so talk me through someone's listening right now what is the first thing that they should be doing in their own lives to acknowledge the habits the consciousness and the subconsciousness and then we'll take it to kind of to the next day yeah absolutely so the first thing that I suggest that even clients that I work with do is observe themselves because the reality is us humans alysom I believe are incredibly habitual creatures from just our daily habits the things we do first thing in the morning the things we do last thing at night too our thoughts become very habitual we tend to think the same type of thought and then because I believe that our thoughts trigger reactions emotions in our environment actual physiology changes we tend to have the same experiences then in our bodies we tend to feel the same way and not always is that helpful so first and foremost anyone listening observe themself notice not their behavioral habits but tune into into your minds into the thoughts that are peppering through your day and a great practice to do that is through meditation okay I am always a proponent of developing a sitting meditation practice to meet your internal world because for some people me included I didn't know how powerful my thoughts were I wasn't aware that I was having thoughts all day long and I think because a lot of us have become so merged with our thinking mind that we think I'll hear things I thought this too I thought my thoughts were my intuition I thought it was directing me through life you know I thought that there was value up there the things that I was hearing said essentially in my mind all day long so the first skill I think is to separate that and understand that I'm here something you'll hear people say is I'm the watcher of my thoughts I think that's an incredibly important component of a meditation practice I think another important component of a meditation practice is breaking a habit that I know a lot of us have developed of judging our thoughts a lot of us think our thoughts are good or bad and even more of us think that good or bad thoughts make us a good or a bad person so through a practice of meditation learning to view thoughts objectively or with neutrality that is really important so through the act of meditating really starting to learn not only to just be with our thoughts observe our thoughts but not judge our thoughts it's not about blocking thoughts it's not even about you know bullying thoughts out of my mind thoughts are gonna happen I described thoughts in the most simple ways as neurons that are firing that have become way over practice firing in a not helpful way so the act of moving our attention as humans we have the most important choice that we can make daily a lot of us don't make this choice we allow our attention to be either grabbed by at this point what's an endlessly distracting external world I mean I walk around daily with what could be a television at my fingertips or a lot of us become so preoccupied with the thoughts in our mind that we are living in life more looking inside than even looking and present outside so when thoughts come while we meditate it's constant redirection of attention the most powerful choice we can make is to not bully our thoughts away but remove our attention and allow our thoughts to then naturally come and go so like give me an actual so you're sitting there I'm meditating I have these thoughts I'm acknowledging these thoughts but I start to judge them what how can I even switch my brain to say don't judge is it just saying okay now you're judging you shouldn't like what does that actually look like sometimes some people can find help by just labeling thoughts just an objective I'm thinking is a good switch you can make right or just viewing the thought we can't because we're habitual we can categorize them oh that's my to-do list thought again oh that's why I'm a bad person thought again oh that's why I'm not worthy thought so sometimes just putting a more objective label on them I think can be helpful as an initial practice to shift from oh that's a bad thought or don't have that thought it it just is I think that's really good because even as I was saying shouldn't I was like we that's a terrible word right like then now I'm putting judgment on the fact that I should or I shouldn't do something and it makes it bad okay so that was so clear and I totally get it I'm definitely gonna try that and then now take me to habit what are the steps that we can do to change them yes absolutely so the reason I talk about a sitting practice Lisa is because it's a bit easier this is a difficult skill though first and foremost I mean for a lot of us life is it's distraction in a helpful way if I'm focused outward on all of the things that I have to do sometimes a lot of people I was this person as well I resisted having a sitting practice for a very long time because the act of sitting brought up in my mind and then in my feelings all of the discomfort that was below the surface and I'm someone who was very productive throughout my whole life so productivity became a distraction for me checking the next box kept me from sitting with myself in a way that was more emotionally comfortable for me so a lot of people I do think struggle to sit but what I believe that when consciousness but this way becomes the most impactful is when we learn how to observe ourselves in our daily life you know get getting a look on those behavioral habits what does my day look like because I do work around nutrition what are my eating choices look like this is another area people Jen with this - journaling is great something I mean depending on it whatever gets you looking some people do a journal and I think if you're doing some work around nutritional changes writing down what your food choices look like that I think can help us become a little more self observational going inward then observing our internal world throughout our day is also very difficult so it means checking in with yourself throughout the day noting first and foremost where is my attention right and if it's internal if I'm looking at my thoughts what was going on what was I thinking and sometimes it just means being conscious setting the intention for this way to be conscious through the given day so a tool I came up with that I think has been having a lot of success with people is what I call a future self journal so it's the act of each day instead of journaling about oh this is what I did or this is what I'm feeling journaling about an intention to change and I think the repetition of doing that daily helps us to then be a bit more conscious through our day because it's not our autopilot yet our autopilot is that subconscious is those old habits so for a lot of us we have to set the intention to be a bit more conscious and observe either my external world and what it looks like are my behaviors and then being able to move that inward that I call it my observational spotlight and starting to look at okay what are the thoughts that I'm having that are coloring my choices through my day wow I love that so much I hear you talking a lot about looking in the future talk to me a little about that because people use their history as a example of why they are who they are now and but I love you're thinking of the future yeah I believe at least that there is a place for our history that understanding where we came from can be really helpful to understanding a bit about where and why we're stuck also giving us then the opportunity to begin to move forward so I will never say that there's not a place for our past but I do agree that there has to be a pivot at some point and starting to imagine change and bringing those subconscious back so even if whether it's in a therapy or even an insightful person might have a look at their past understand why they're stuck have the realization or the insight that could be helpful maybe even know what they have to start to do differently to see different results in their life the reality of it is in those moments we are battling in some senses our subconscious which is wanting to take over and to run I always use the computer analogy just because I think it's the most understandable one you know but to run that same program over and over again so when this particular thing happens unless I show up and make a conscious decision to make a new choice my subconscious is going to make the decision for me I'm going to do the same thing I always do when I'm sad when I'm mad when I'm glad even same thing goes with the relationships relationships are the arena I called them for all of our a lot of our older patterns that aren't helping so not only do I believe having a look at a different future and beginning to even conceptualize or imagine the possibility for change is important but I also think being conscious is necessary in those moments to begin to actualize that future in a new way because if you're not your subconscious is going to continue to get you more of what you've already gotten and so how do you actually do that do you come up with ideas and plans and strategies before you that happen so let's say you've recognized okay I'm habitually doing X Y & Z I want to change your I understand why I do it but I understand the future that I want to create so you're very aware of it in that moment where you can feel your old past wanting to react how you do what do you do in order to switch it to remind yourself of that future self yeah so at all that I'm always talking about because it really is the bridge in my opinion between the mind and the body connection and gives us choice in our emotional regulation which because the reality of it is as I think you know I know I think we all know emotions have an effect in our body we feel our emotions our energy shifts neurotransmitters are released hormones are released if we're stress is going to be cortisol it's going to be adrenaline so our body is now logging a response to what might have even started solely in our but regardless breathwork I'm always a proponent of breathwork learning how to breathe in a particular way really does bring our physiology down gives us a bit of space between what would have just been that old habitual reaction and the opportunity to make that new choice because the reality of it is I always say there's a point on a 1 to 10 scale of emotion right at around an 8 or 9 we lost control we did there's no we don't have the chance to break that old reaction it's going to just run the same way it does I mean they're gonna kick and scream or I'm gonna dissociate and detach and a very simplified way I'm gonna do the old thing that I always do that's what we call our triggers as I as I call it I think they come from an accumulation of our past experiences big trauma little trauma whatever it is unmet needs and they make it difficult our emotions make it difficult our bodies don't work in our favor so as effortful as meditation is it actually changes the way our brain fires so the more consistently we practice a meditation and mindfulness based meditation practice we're actually thickening a lobe of our brain that allows us to stay conscious in those moments and we're weakening the connection from our emotional Center so that coupled with breath work really does give us the opportunity to begin to make those new choices and actually uphold those plans that might be beautiful but without that I think that balance in those pivotal moments those plans are just the thing that we're going to end up feeling shameful about later cuz I know that's the byproduct of this too especially when we're really aware after the fact I've done this myself I've shot that nasty text out that I knew on some level I didn't mean and then afterward I feel even worse about myself because I'm like oh yo you knew better you had the plans why did you still do that and it's because I didn't have a balance from which to make a new choice from yeah I think everyone has done that right where you're like you know you shouldn't yes but you had to have made you feel better in that one moment so in those moments let's say you're arguing with a partner or somebody and it starts to get heated and you understand you need to take the breath work do you suggest them removing yourself from that situation and just saying I just need time and then do the breath yeah sometimes time and space I often say are our best friends and if it's in a partnership sometimes it means having a conversation with a partner that you might you know in what I employ what I call a timeout you know because I think sometimes partners is actually for talking about in turn in in relationships which is I think where a lot of our triggers live leaving a partner could feel hurtful but if you allow the partner to know hey listen I'm working I'm working on changing some of these patterns so the next time I'm feeling a bit escalated or out of control I might have to put a pin in this conversation and leave of course then it's our job or our responsibility to put that pin in it to take that time out so remove ourselves because that which we don't have control over ever unfortunately and I think a lot of people do not like this reality is our partner even so if we continue to escalate and our partner continues to escalate before we know what we're having that overreaction that's not helpful for either of us so removing ourselves sometimes removing ourself just taking time space away doing some s Kabaddi deactivating techniques like breath work we'll be able to then bring that conscious lobe of your brain really back online to then put that new choice into effect you just said with our partners is where most of our triggers live why do you think that is I believe that the reason that is I think that all of us are carrying whether it's a wound a her an unmet need from early childhood developmental experiences the reality of it is I think at least that us humans are social creatures relationships are necessary to some extent and will always be necessary in our existence and the earliest models and relationship experiences that we've had we're with worth in our caregiving environment when we were much younger when we had much less access to other ways to cope a lot of times when I was referencing earlier those habitual patterns of reactivity a lot of times in those moments of trigger we do see what looks like a more childlike reaction when I said it's outward screaming yelling looks a bit like a tantrum right when we go inward when we just dissociate detach and I believe that those ways of coping were actually formed very early on when these wounds happened and became the way that we coped when we didn't have the emotional maturity the may be supportive emotional space even maybe the caregivers that were modeling to us and a different way of navigating emotions they become the ones that we go to even though we've now become an adult we're much more mature or maybe not even connected with those earlier environments anymore but we don't update those because again they live in that subconscious of ours and so I think that a lot of the times why our triggers happen in relationships is because a lot of the wounding happened in relationships and something I always want to say too is nothing kind of glaringly abusive or hugely neglectful happened in my own past childhood so for me I had a long time and every time I share my story I have a lot of people reaching out to me you know relating because they - none of us were checking the boxes of trauma as I think we typically understood it so when we see ourselves not having the life or not being a successful sight in our relationships we wonder why we're confused so I think like I said it doesn't have to look like what we typically think of sometimes it's just lower level unmet needs it's not being seen heard acknowledged for the unique being that we are and something I will often always also acknowledge at this point if we're humans who are raising other humans so adults parents caregivers when you have a child the way I see it at least is you're only equipped to give to teach to model for a child what you know yourself what you yourself have been taught what you yourself do and the reality of it is not all the time are we that equipped as caregivers when we become caregivers because we didn't learn that from our own parents and this is how I think it buzzword now has become intergenerational transmission of whatever it is trauma you know whatever it might be patterns and I I know that's true and this is this is why it's true but that's why I believe that it happens in our relationships cuz a lot of our wounding is interpersonal that's so interesting it never dawned on me that trauma is seen as like theirs would you call it the big t too big - mm-hmm where it's like the sexual abuse or something really big has happened and anything else is almost kind of diminished right it was like well if nothing big happened to Y you like that and it never dawned on me that that it's it's incredibly detrimental to the person who is feeling it because it really doesn't matter how extreme the trauma is if you're feeling neglected or if you're feeling not thought of it's still a real feeling so if somebody right now is listening and they have that situation where nothing massive has happened but they don't feel considered or they don't feel thought of how do they get out of that mm-hmm I think it's acknowledging it you always hear me talk about radical honesty because I know for myself as well it was really hard for me to admit the lacking 's in my own childhood because when I looked at it objectively and also I think this is something else that happens we have to remind ourselves that when we're looking back as an adult we're looking back as an adult right maybe that devastating event at the three year old when my my favorite blanket you know my mom Brooks my favorite blanket because she was mad one day or whatever it might have been or me my favorite like it got ruined in the laundry and mom didn't really care ever seemed to care right I'm in my 30s 40s 50s I'm looking back I diminished that I say I was a blanket right but we have to remember that we're looking back as an adult and as a three-year-old how devastating that might have felt even if it was only a blanket at that time for whatever reason and then being really honest because something I struggled with was being really honest was seeing the fact that in some areas I was not seeing considered I smiled when you said that that was that's a really deep wound for me I was seeing in a in some ways I was very academically achieving I was really good at sport so it was hard for me too I think rationalize how I could be feeling not considered when in a lot of ways I was considered so it didn't make sense to me that I was carrying such a deeper wound so I think some of the healing process for a lot of us is just being on yes with ourselves and with where our wounds are I think something that's really helpful marrying these two topics when we talk about consciousness looking in those moments of triggering looking for the patterns what are the things that typically result in that bigger feeling for me and I assure you more often that there's a pattern there there's a reason that can give us understanding into what the deeper wound is so that I can have a bit of clarity on what do I do now to move forward so having that self observational practice that internal looking and using our trigger points our hurts our big reactions in the world now as an adult to have a bit of understanding about what is driving those on that deeper emotional levels that we can know essentially what to do next for ourselves as now the adult that we are how did you tell a story about you had an argument with your wife about the dishes and that was so strong to me because I think that that's what where it comes out it doesn't come out often in these big moments it comes out in the small things where someone didn't do the dishes and now it becomes the biggest argument ever so take me through that because I think so many people can relate and then how you kind of broke it down to acknowledge it and then change it yeah absolutely so the dishes the dishes wouldn't sense me I was having reactions in my home that felt big for me that resulted in these arguments that would then escalate so I had I looked like okay what's going on and then where I looked is inside so I started to become aware of my internal world and what I started to realize was the dish what would happen internally is I would say why doesn't she consider me doesn't she know what my day was like some version of and if we really pare it down it was I'm not considered I'm not taken into mind when this decision to leave the dish was there so when I would yell at her or withdrawal to the bedroom or throw the dish in the sink and begrudgingly do it wasn't the dish that was the problem it was the fact that the dish I assigned the meaning of the dish to be I was not considered in that moment so then my reaction was very understandable I was hurt I didn't feel seen by my partner whom I love and I want to be seen so desperately by for me of course this originated very early on in my family with a mother who was very emotionally withdrawn so like while I said while my accomplishments were celebrated I felt largely unseen by her and my family for who I was so in that moment it was as if I was a child again not being seen by my mom so the reaction that was coming out was was so big and it's confusing for our partners too because she's over there wondering what the hell is wrong maybe she found the dishes right hey Nicole it's a dish like sorry you know that's why arguments happening Inc partners cuz I'm reacting and making it about the dish she can't understand why a dish is so big and such a issue and you know maybe next time she'll try harder with the dish but it's not about the dish so I had to have that internal look see the pattern there understand what was happening for me that I was making this about not being considered and then the work was my own then I had to first and foremost teach myself out of assigning that meaning for each and everything now this is the sake they do get these questions a lot well don't we need to have limits don't we need to have boundaries yes of course we need to have things that don't work for us in our partnership that's always going to apply but first and foremost I need to do my work to undo these unnecessarily and assigned meetings you know if I came to the end of the journey and the district really an issue then I'd have a conversation with my partner about doing the dishes but it turns out when the dish no longer met I wasn't being considered I had no problem putting the dish in the dishwasher because I know that she does consider me this wasn't the reality that I was responding to so I had to shave off that filter I had a practice or unpracticed using that filter ultimately allowing a dish just to be a dish is that what you would tell yourself after that when you would come home and see the dish would you like repeat so for a while so even though I once I realized okay this is about being not being considered my subconscious and to get on board and say no so what happened is my subconscious kept trying to assign the meaning of but I was able to catch it okay this is this is what I'm making this about right now right and I may choose to redirect my attention elsewhere go have a couple deep breaths walk away from the dishes entirely if I didn't it was a bad day or if I was stressed out and I didn't feel like I could do that in that moment leave the scene of the dishes for a minute so deescalate and then I was able to shift and just be present in the moment on a deeper level part of and this is what I mean when I talk about inner child work or healing because while maybe these wounds happen and these needs went unmet in my childhood right from caregivers whose job if you will was it to help me to meet those now as an adult to my job so then part of my deeper journey was okay how can i if considered and lack of consideration has been ramp it through my life it's now my job to consider myself so what are the practices in that moment just consistently in my life how can I start to show up for myself and consider myself and my needs in my moment so it's I think we all we operate on two levels and healing happens on two levels first practicing that consciousness that observation that attentional removal from the filters that don't work over time they will lessen they will weaken because right now mine was over practiced so every time the dish happened I had no control my subconscious @up lack of consideration lack of consideration because I was firing it so frequently and then I had a bit of deeper work to do I had to start to meet my own need to start to show up and consider myself because as I say it even if I am in partnership with another human my emotions are my responsibility and I believe that we become the most empowered human when we don't look outside of ourselves to have any need met by another person like I said earlier humans are social and I'm very much for interdependence I will always hopefully I'm assuming have this partner that I have I will exist in partnerships with people my world will involve social exchanges of one kind or another but when I can meet my needs it frees me up to welcome what other people are offering me in a new way and also to be okay when others aren't offering me what I think they should in that moment yeah god I love that Tom and I made it like a conscious agreement I guess of like we're not gonna let the other person emotions or feelings rub off on to the other person so if he's in a bad mood I'll ask babe do you need anything how can I help you but if he's just gonna permanently be in a bad mood I know that he has to do the work because what we would notice is over time I'd start to get annoyed right because his bad mood is then rubbing off on me or vice-versa I'd be in a bad mood and then he being a bad man what why are you in a bad mood he said because you're in a bad mood and then he just spirals out of control so we've learned to then just distance ourselves so that we're not perpetuated becomes like that like ever revolving door which like oh my god it's just impossible to get off versus someone else just stepping back and then you can kind of do the work you set yourself like you said yeah talk to me about confidence and I know you actually compared confidence with ego and the difference between that as well because that actually something I try to pay attention a lot to like I don't ever want to spill over into ego but I always want to be confident yeah absolutely you go I don't think is what we typically have been taught it was like a pompous egocentric and narcissistic like it's just about me and I'm great ego as I see it and psychologically as a protection I'm protecting part of myself that's insecure that's unsure if I can be that person that's scared that's not as confident right now so with that said confidence is a choice just like discipline is a choice you know a lot of us will look at and a lot of the work I do requires consistent tools using these tools consistently there's no magic elixirs we don't do this thing wants or as needed as most of us like to do and get better so when I'm working with people I talk a lot about habit development meaning how do we make these choices consistent and so a lot of things I hear when people struggle there's a very real reason why Universal reason in this subconscious why change is hard I normalize it across the board because change is hard for all of us and a lot of things I hear people self described is when they struggle to change I'm undisciplined I'm lazy you know maybe this I'm not confident whatever it is I'm not that so therefore I can't change and this is why change is hard so whether it's confidence whether it's discipline I believe those are choices that can be cultivated with consciousness and then repeat it enough that then we can actually begin to show up in the world confidently or you know discipline or whatever it is that we're working to achieve so take me through let's say some strategies of like someone's in there right now they want to be confident they want to show up in the world they want to they've got all these dreams but they don't feel like they've got the confidence to do it what are those first steps that practical people can actually do yeah absolutely so I talked a lot about rebuilding self trust because I talked about self betrayal that I think a lot of us begin to feel or we like trust in ourselves whether it's because we haven't consistently said done what we said we were going to do or we find ourselves stuck in the same patterns before long you repeat that enough we become someone on some deep level as I see it that we don't trust ourselves and I see confident or trust self trust as being the bridge to confidence so when I talk about I build this process right in with building habits so you'll often hear the language that I use is a small daily promise that's just an intention small emphasis on small because well what I do know about humans we set a bar too high so small daily promise if we're talking breathwork five deep belly breaths could be waking up five minutes earlier could be you know doing one new small thing in any given day whatever it is emphasis on small because the higher the expectation the more quickly we travel down the path of lacking confidence again because an expectation bar that's set too high that I don't meet or I don't meet as consistently as I would like to meet it I start to erode even further that confidence so when I said changes hard for all of us in our subconscious and the most simplest way to think about it as crazy as it sounds your subconscious just like mine just like I run in this room our subconscious is logged everything that's happened to us thus far in our life and we'll continue to do that until we're no longer on this planet which is a lot of crap so to make sense of it this is a little silly a big thing I say but I think is helpful is we have a little avatar in us and yours is a little Lisa might as a little to call it's memorized us it knows all of our habits evilly and knows all of our habitual thoughts it knows how those thoughts make us feel so logically right you might be saying okay whoever's listening this new thing that I want to do small promise is going to get me to the goal that I want when you go to do this new thing our subconscious registers our choices in a very black-and-white way with the one end being familiar equals safe good unfamiliar equals unsafe possibly dangerous bad to be avoided at all costs never do it again run away as quickly as possible and then one of two things happen either an endless I call it mental chatter it will have an endless litany of reasons why never to do this thing again and or because sometimes we get both in my body I started to feel agitated sometimes will describe it some people will describe it as I'm just crawling out of my skin it might just start to feel weird just not like I'm used to feeling so when one of those two things happen before we know it we begin to listen and we begin to steer right back to that memorize comfort zone because comfort for the subconscious is just familiar and it does that to keep us safe because it's predictable because it knows the results all of that gets us in it's okay with it hmm even if logically we're not okay with it it's okay with it so when and I say this - because I prepare people when you go to make this new or keep this daily promise three days from now three months from now maybe even three years from now your subconscious might be telling you why not - so making sure and giving people the tools to throw away the expectation that they're gonna have a cheerleading squad this time or even maybe feel like they want to because I think a lot of people also week to change to feel like they want to or if you'll motivate it or to look for something to change internally and that's not going to happen so showing up keeping those promises and acknowledging to yourself that you are keeping those promises that seems so small but I think most of us humans I used to do this - at the end of a day I would give me the litany and focus on everything I didn't do and not well what did I what did I do how did I show up for myself and the more times you show that alignment between what I said I was going to do and what I do you repeat that enough you begin to trust yourself and then you repeat that enough those same promises and then you begin I believe to feel confident in yourself which is just I know I do what I say and then I think a little more repetition of that turns into empowerment that I've been speaking of which is the simplest way I define it is I believe I can do anything and then I become a really powerful creator and it starts literally as small as it sounds with a small daily promise that you are keeping regardless of what your mind is telling you to do your mind and your thoughts are not your intuition all right so don't believe them all of the time that's so true my god I love that and how much does a health and nutrition to you play in this because understanding our thoughts everything you broken-down is so amazing but I do think that there's that other component which I know you've gone through and me too is the importance of sleep nutrition order that explain that to me and why people people don't think about it as being part of their evolution of getting strong getting more confident but I think it's one of the most fundamental things yeah I think it's everything important because it gives our body a physiologically balanced base so that we can start to navigate our mind differently because the mind the body are connected okay so there is no separation the brain is an organ that lives in the body so the health of the body is going to impact the health of the brain and in the mind what we're worried about our thoughts our mental clarity our attention you know some of the symptoms that were struggling if we're first struggling with mental wellness are all going to be impacted then by the health of the body and for me when I started to consider my nutrition and make some changes it was when I was able to be in a more balanced body that then gave me the the tools in a sense or enhanced the tools of meditation and breath work and all of that because in our gut not only is it where are the nutrients are being absorbed that our brain our brain has is the the most in need of calories and nutrients to function so if we have a damaged gut we're not going to be getting the nutrients to our brain and our cognition might start to slow and our energy and sleep is an incredibly important system most of us don't get enough sleep all of that is in service of making sure that our brain is as healthy as possible and that starts with nutrition even furthermore we now know that these neurotransmitters that we've all thought for so long were produced in the brain and contained to the brain the serotonins the dopamine's essentially all that is you know kind of imbalance when we're struggling with depression and anxiety are actually manufactured in our gut as well so again if we're our guts aren't functioning properly our brain isn't going to function properly so if we begin to heal our guts by first the way I see it removing the gut damaging foods making sure we're getting a lot of nutrient-dense food that we are eating before we know it some if not all of our symptoms actually might go away and it wasn't until I got my nutrition in order and then I became much more consistent with my meditation with my breath work and then really started to explore my own inner child wounds that I was able to heal but I don't think honestly without making sure that my body was balanced I don't know how successful my healing would have been yeah I thought it was told we were behind so I've been sick now for about four years been struggling with my gut health issues and initially I was going to order like very traditional doctors and after a while someone kept saying to me what maybe we need to see a more holistic approach and the first thing someone said to me is stop working when you eat and I was like what do you mean and they're like just stressing yourself out so much and at that point I was so desperate for an answer that I was like it's woowoo but sure I'll try and that's where I saw massive radical change in me and for the better and I know that you have mentioned that you became very forgetful you would forget things mid-sentence and I've always said I'm gonna be the person that's always very honest and I've actually been on this show in days where I've noticed that I'm very tired that my stomach is hurting a lot which means I can't eat much and so I was in an interview and I forgot the question I was asking as I was asking him and that was one of those moments that was very heartbreaking for me I felt like oh my god am I not a good host anymore like we need to cut it out I was so embarrassed but I'm hearing everything that you're and things I'm learning on the side of the gut brain got connection it's just like wow my my health really had that impact on the brain and how I was performing yeah and I think the the reality of it is societally some of these gut damaging foods are so prolific they are in everything so first and foremost is becoming educated and starting to be a conscious consumer reading labels and really showing each and every one of us how present these these particular items are in the daily choices that we're making especially if you're going to the McDonald's or the fast foods I mean they are using not only the oils I mean some of the products and if you're doing that multiple times a week before you know it you're really going to be accumulating some problems in your gut and I was that person even though I would go and pick what I thought were the healthier options living in cities my whole life you know food at my fingertips you know I was I was eating way less healthy then I think I intended and I didn't know I wasn't aware so I often suggest being conscious about your food choices but then starting to do some self experimentation so I didn't even know I could feel better until I started to remove some of these and then I felt how I felt and I was like oh wow my sleep is getting better my cognition is getting a bit clearer or my attention I have a little bit more choice about where I put my attention now I'm not as feeling as emotionally reactive that's another symptom sometimes for a lot of us on either gut dabit damage or blood sugar dysregulation riding that emotional rollercoaster really can originate in our guts and I didn't know so I removed some things and then I saw that my health was improving I loved that knowledge is so powerful and you know Melissa Hart way loved her you know the whole thing is like the ha it's so much about the elimination scenes and start to understand what your body is experiencing because you get like you were saying before it goes into habit motives like oh well I feel like this it must be normal mmhmm yeah and I don't think most of us out there know how else we could feel we don't know the energy level that is action available to us we don't know that good sleep could be possible because when we talk habit that's experienced that means that's all I've known my whole life how would I know that I could feel differently and I don't think it comes without starting to just get become more aware of our bodies our food choices and finding the ones that work individually for us and I'm always about I love Melissa too I'm always about conscious choice so I might still every now and again I like pizza I really love me ice cream that has sugar in it process sometimes right and I've tried to avoid the gluten and the processed sugar more often than not but do I show up and have an ice cream cone every now and again yes but I'm conscious I'm not drowning my feelings in the ice cream cone and I even know how it's gonna make me feel after I eat it and it might get my energy a little bit you know I might not if I have too many ice cream cones I might not end up feeling so great but I'm I'm conscious I'm choosing and I'm in power because I know at least for me we all I believe have a little three-year-old in our minds that the second we're told to restrict or we can't have that's all we can think about that's all we want so I'm very much like I said much more of a proponent of just making empowered choices for ourselves seeing how it makes us feel and then using that the next time I'm offered the ice cream which I still might choose to eat but at least I'm empowered now because I know what I'm signing up for I love so much that you said that because that's really the the core of it all is having the knowledge understanding having the empowerment to make those decisions but you know what the outcome is I do the same thing like literally Tom and I on our last day of our vacation I was like screw it let's have like cold stone and comes like are you sure and I'm like I know I'm gonna be in pain tomorrow but I really want it so the next day I woke up in pain yeah you expected it you know what you're doing and that's I think where the power comes so going back to the nutrition or even just let's say there's three key things that people at home right now immediately can do that you think will make a change in their consciousness or you know what what three things can they easily do absolutely get conscious look okay show up for the next day two days log see what you eat if there are labels on it take a look I believe that most humans don't tolerate that much gluten so that's that's the reality our bodies have a system that if we eat something that maybe we shouldn't eat or that it doesn't love us eating it can recover it can repair itself the problem becomes when it's breakfast lunch dinner repeat breakfast lunch dinner now I'm not giving my body any time to repair itself so that's when I'm setting myself up for that gut damage under the canopy of the process world to the sugar be aware I was shocked so I am someone like I said who likes sugar I thought I knew when I was eating sugar when I started to read labels I realized oh wow I'm eating sugar in my condiments in my dressings and then the processed oil so some people especially living in cities you know the go to takeout you want to just really be careful how frequently that's happening because anything produced in a restaurant is going to be produced with such a highly processed oil also be aware of the oils that we're using the canola is the vegetable oils again not really so great for the human gut so those are the ones so first get eyes on it look and see how much of those in particular I would say is the second step and then if you guys decide anyone listening one small step to change and showing up for yourself each and every time you're looking at a menu or you're making a food choice just don't try not to do it mindlessly and a lot of us do that watch if you're someone who eats around emotions - emotions and food can become really interconnected a lot of us eat to feel better obviously it's a bit deeper work then that we have to do but just become aware of your eating habits overall are you someone who eats to feel better or for connection that was a big one for me my mother who is very emotionally unavailable very much was there with the bowl of ice cream that was my my love language with my mom so for me changing my food choices were a little bit more complicated than just avoiding sugar because for me sugar meant can connection love so for another suggestion is to get clear on yourself some don't even know but as they become conscious they start to realize oh wow I am someone who uses food as a function or has a meaning wrapped up around food that can give again clarity for some deeper work I know you really believe in empowering people to basically be the heroes of their own lives so you being your own hero what is your superpower I love that I love that so I think that my superpower is understanding I think I've always had an awareness internally of others I'm able to see I think all of it in a way that I think is really setting me up to be successful in my own healing of course my understanding is to my detriment for a long time because I would explain away my feelings oh I can't be mad at this person because they don't mean it I know where they came from and I would almost do myself a disservice but being able to harness that a bit better now I think that is really equipped me to understand my whole full story as it continues to evolve because like I said I spent a lot of my life with one version of my life with one narrative letting in more of it gave me more understanding I think that's what's helping me in part that in others because I do believe that we are complicated as humans there is never one factor there is never one way to heal there is not one thing to do really for anything so the wider we can expand our understanding I believe that sets us up for change and where can people find you your videos your blog or their yeah absolutely so my main hub that I'm always shouting out is my Instagram the dot holistic that psychologists I have a youtube as well that's a little bit on the newer side at the holistic psychologist a website at your holistic psychologist calm but really if one-stop-shop is the Instagram because nothing gets announced on any of those other areas without me shouting it from the rooftops on Instagram and also be showing you guys me healing I'm on there every day I'm doing my journaling I'm meditating I'm showing each and everyone that I'm still in this journey together and so come and find me and find some really supportive amazing humans in those comments and doing the same things I know healing can be lonely too so it's really great to have a community like that thank you guys guys you do have to check her out oh my god I'm so bummed that the hour is up like when I say I want to keep talking to this woman I have so many notes I want to discuss about boundaries and all that good stuff but I'm gonna try and bring the one that's part two if you guys enjoyed it please do give this video a thumbs up comment below let us know what you want me to ask this one because I will get if this episode has brought you value guys click that subscribe button and join I am going to rewatch this episode a million times because there's so many nuggets of gold that this woman just spill all over the floor I'm going to try and pick everything up go back re-watch this jot down all the notes that she gave I'm trying to talk quickly because go out and be the hero of your own life peace out guys thank you so much what's up guys I hope you loved that episode and I just want to take a moment to talk about our friends at wigs wigs is the fullest featured website builder around and you can use it to create your own customized site for free whether you're a business owner and you want to make your own website or your freelancer and you're looking to build websites for your clients Wix is a great way to create a beautiful website with a design you're looking for you can start with Wix for free today just click on that description below and I love Wix because it gives you total creative freedom meaning of infinite design possibilities making each website unique and original to your vision to make it easy Wix has a straightforward site building process tons of site gadgets hundreds of templates for your specific needs great mobile site building tools and amazing support if you ever have an issue or a question literally there's a solution for any need you have through week's blogs Wix booking Wix restaurants Wix forum which stores and so much more now once you've created your website you'll be surprised at how much that will improve your business traffic and opportunities were professional and creative branding for me the website is like the first touch point with your customers so you want to make that experience so amazing it's so beautiful they just have to keep coming back with you're a business owner advanced designer blogger aspiring hustler or guys anything in between you can get after it with Wix so just click the link in the description below or go to what up guys Lisa here thanks so much for watching this episode and if you haven't already subscribed if that little bone one in front of you click click click away we release episodes every Wednesday so be sure to get notified until next time go be the hero of your own life

Channel: Women of Impact

Views: 249,741

Rating: 4.937366 out of 5

Keywords: women of impact, woman of impact, lisa bilyeu, tom bilyeu, impact theory, quest nutrition, motivation, inspiration, Nicole lepera, the holistic psychologist, psychologist, psychology, holistic, meditation, how to meditate, consciousness, therapy, therapist, habits, how to break a bad habit, habit change, radical honesty, feminism, feminist, sleep, nutrition, whole30, triggers, confidence, nicole lepera how to do the work, how to do the work, nicole lepera tom bilyeu, nicole lepera impact theory

Id: 5TeIRe12JPM

Length: 52min 55sec (3175 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 21 2019