How To Know You Are Ready To Marry | Kingsley Okonkwo

so let's start from genesis chapter two genesis chapter two um larry mentioned our books please we encourage people to buy books not because we're trying to sell books but because even if i stay here for one month i can't share everything i need to share with you concerning marriage all right so it's important that you learn and you improve but i did something in church during this week i took guitar you have an acoustic guitar here can they bring it zipper please somebody should give me that corner of their costigators so i did an experiment in church not experimenting i asked them a simple question i said what are the chances that if they give me this guitar what are the chances that i can play something very nice i don't know if i'm holding it the right way so i asked them in church i said what are the chances that i'll play good music you know now most of you don't know me so you don't know what the answer is but in my church they know me so they did once i just laughed what are chances that i'll play good music with this guitar the chances are zero you know why because i've never learned how to play the guitar this is how many people enter marriage they admire marriage they like marriage they like when they hear somebody else play beautifully in marriage and they just think that is enough to play beautiful music marriage itself is beautiful however you will definitely need some learning some practice some sharpening some coaching to get it right so this is why we carry books around it's that you would learn in my over 20-something years of marriage counselling people that struggle in marriage have a lot of common factors one of it is that they never prepare ahead of time they don't prepare they like the success they don't like the process life is not against you if you follow due process you will arrive at success it's somebody here so this is why you must learn this is why you must prepare this is why you should appreciate your past of organizing a family week like this it's something that should happen regularly it helps i can never forget many years ago in my secondary school i was a bad boy in secondary school you know i'm like those people at the back the bad boys always sit at the back look at the back i see you yes they are waving to me and um they were doing an entire command so all the commands in nigeria were going to do in the house for us all my bad friends were going i was the only one that was not going and i said i must go why just because my bad friends are going and they'll have fun without me not because i tried to win anything you see motive is very important so i said i would do long distance race that was the only place where i saw that i could enter every other place there were strong people there but i said long distance there were only three people competing and those three people were already selected because nobody competes with them they had known people in the school they've been doing it for years i said i will enter how we break it they give us the date for the heat the other boys every morning they wake up for class they'll go to state these spark they killed and run around me when i wake up i'll go and smoke at the back of damage the day and then sometimes i'll stay in the dormitory me and my useless friends will measure the dormitory how many times do i have to go back and forth in this small room for it to be 1500 meters they will count with me you see you can't fail successfully alone you need some useless people to cooperate with you and encourage you into useless things it's hard to see somebody make a big mistake without having people encouraging them to go and do something stupid the boy has just said to your friends and say go and beg him beg him that what so we measured the dormitory i need to go how many times you counted it and they'll be timing me i thought that was practice until the day for inter-house sports came i mean the heat came for who we qualify only those three boys showed up nobody competes with them the three of them showed up but this time there was a fourth man in the fire just like he's not prepared and i was popular in school so i had supporters pastor that's when i knew in life supporters don't count if i see not prepared that's why weddings you see your people clapping for you if you are not prepared it will still fail the amount of good it doesn't matter say one thousand people give my wedding doesn't matter if you're not prepared it doesn't matter she was a big wedding club stadium it doesn't matter if you're not red say we have three caterers it doesn't matter there were small chops big chops it doesn't matter if you are not prepared it doesn't matter so they are shouting king zoo king zu kinzo because all the bad boys were going they wanted me to go they were behind me people had supporters because i was popular all your marks set go i took off my plan was to follow the guy that normally comes first if i follow him i will come second you will know failure by his goals he's not planning to win he's planning not to fail i followed the guy closely first lap second lap i was using all my energy to keep up i didn't know that long distance race they don't use all the energy they leave it for the last lap i didn't nobody treat me i was in dormitory my only training was in damage when we reached final lap i was coming second my crowd was shouting when they hit final lap everybody increase their pace by that time i was struggling to even survive they now increase i try to follow them that's what i knew sometimes the spirit is willing i was already struggling to breathe when we're doing normal peace i thought that was the first place when they all increased i tried to go my spirits if you try it we die here today but my crowd was shouting kings of kings they didn't know i was dying there and that's our marriages many people are saying oh lord your couple goes we love your marriage only you know what your eyes is seeing inside there when we when they took off i did like i was going to keep this there was one part was supposed to turn there was bush in front so as they all turned like this me i ran into the bush and went inside and sat down very well and was breathing for the people to kill me in school my parents sent me i sat down in the bush till everybody left in the field because i couldn't come out to shame there are many people what you are going through you can't even share because shame won't allow you so i sat in the bush breathed very well when everybody left only my four or five friends that mentioned dormitory with me were waiting for me and the way i tell him is okay my mind i say so of useless people so the summary of what i'm saying is that you need to prepare and that's why we have books like this there are so many of the books i don't want to waste time on them if you're a single person i recommend 25 wrong reasons people enter relationships if you enter relation for the wrong reason you'll most likely enter with the wrong person if you marry for the wrong reason you most likely marry the wrong person all right so i screened for you see reading things like that will help you check your motive sometimes you don't you don't even know your motive is wrong until somebody points a such light on it that's what scripture does it searches the inward parts are you here somebody one of my boys many years ago he told me that pastor i'm getting married i said from where to where we've never stuck our mind before i said yes but there's one girl that he wants to marry i say why he said because when he was in secondary school the guy has been chasing him and he has been saying no but now after university medical again the guest says she just made one millionaire i saw some years ago 1 million i was like maybe a 10 million error today i said so what happened see if he can confirm that she only made one millionaire that he will marry her i say you want to make a permanent decision based on a temporary breakthrough if you marry her planning the wedding alone renting house buying car your money is finished you'll be stuck with somebody you don't love after the money is finished see when you see marriages breaker there are many reasons why it's breaking and the wrong marrying for the wrong reasons is usually one of them foundational issues that we don't see are you here somebody so please get that book 25 wrong reasons there's one who should i marry i'll probably touch a bit on that today as i'm preaching you need to know who you married they asked one beautiful girl one time i saw it on tv they said who who do you really like to marry she said i want him to be dark tall and handsome that is not a description i'm roberts can be dark tall and handsome ritualists can be dark taller handsome kidnappers can be dark tall and handsome unfortunately pastor many people don't even know what to look out for in his spouse it's not it's not about how you feel there are things you must look out for who who puts money in the bank based on how beautiful the building of the bankers no how beautiful this school looks that's not enough you need to check the character of it so i dealt with who should i mind there were ten points in it you mentioned it there and a whole lot of other books let me just go into today so maybe tomorrow and next tomorrow i'll talk about it but please rush those books because we're going to do book sign on sunday and our books usually finish very quickly okay so genesis chapter what two basic foundational scripture but um we can't talk about marriage without coming back here because that is where marriage itself started quickly genesis chapter 2 from verse 18. i want us to read together if it's possible from verse 18 1 to go that's 19 go ahead um dj please give me normal king james version okay so from verse 20 let's go and adam gave names to all the cattle all the follow the elderly brings to the field and there was not found for him and helped me verse 27 1 he said and the lord god caused a deep sleep to fall upon adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs and did what closed up his flesh verse 22 and the reboot lord god had taken made he a woman and did what brought him onto the man and verse 23 adam said what this thickness of that particular verse is important this is now one of my blush in my flesh she shall be called woman because she's taken out of man 24 therefore shall what and his mother and to his wife and they shall be one flesh he said and they were both naked the man and his wife and we're not ashamed powerful everything about this is powerful let's start from verse 24. he said therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be worth one flesh he said the two shall become what one the two shall become one the two shall become one in mathematics two cannot become one two becomes two but in mathematics 2 become what one and this is important this is important you see try not to read the bible from the surface there's nothing god is saying that is just surface everything that's written in the bible hope you know the bible is a summary i hope we know that all right they even talked about that jesus that um if we write all the things that jesus did there won't be enough space in the world to contain it so the bible is a summary and when you write somebody's you write the core things that if you look deeper has bigger meaning do you understand that so when you read something like this it's not just surface there's a big there's a deeper meaning to it he said the two of them now become one why would two people become one the reason why two can become one is that they were one before is somebody getting what i'm saying the only way two can become one is that they were one before you saw the story they took eve out of adam one of the things you need to understand what what makes marriage so beautiful what makes marriage so important is because marriage is literally a work of art by a work of art by the greatest artist ever it is god you know crafting mankind as one then separating them then bringing them back together again it is a mystery it is it is beauty when the bible says god made man in his image definitely he wasn't talking about one gender because men and women are different physically definitely and he was even talking about physically altogether what they were saying if you go to genesis chapter five if you have niv version let's look at it in genesis chapter five what god was actually saying is that man was first together did you give me genesis five from verse 1 niv version if you can get it so man mankind was what is in the image of god not not not pastor kingsley not pastor larry it is mankind it is it is a man and a woman actually together that makes the image of god look at it here he said this is the written account of adam's what line when god did what created man he made he made him in what the likeness of god next verse he says he created male and female and what blessed them and when they were created he called them what that would man them is mankind okay it doesn't mean manners and gender it means mankind so what god is saying is this the image of god is a man and a woman together that is what gives the original image of god he said that's why he said it's not good for man to be alone that word alone is all in one i know these are things you know i'm just laying the foundation that word alone is all in one he's saying it's not good for man to be only one let me separate them then they'll come back together willingly if somebody gets in this i'm trying to show you the beauty and the importance of marriage what makes it special mankind man and woman together is what gives the perfect image of god that's why we are so different because we bring different things to the table it is the combination of the two if you eat rice on its own it's not sweet if you eat salt on its own it's not sweet but if you put salt in rice it can become sweet and if you're getting what i'm saying that's how this works the beauty of marriage is that we were first one then we were separated then we now come together willingly and become one again that was all we read now they were everything was in adam god brought out the woman then god presented the woman then adam made a statement what did adam say this is what born of my own bones this is flesh of my flesh so they came back together so marriage is so beautiful it is so beautiful it's totally total walk of art and if more people can understand the concept in god's mind when he made marriage we will not just rush into it we will not enter into out of pressure will not enter into that of you know societal um and pressure do you know that when god was going to change and redeem this world in his mind marriage was the first thing he made that was what he made god didn't start a church first god started marriage first when he made mankind what he made first was marriage if god felt government would change this world he would have made adam a president if god felt that the church would change his word that made adam face the pastor if god felt that even school or education would change his world he would have made a name a principle what he made at them was first a husband and a father i would have everyone thought i'm a pastor i like church i would have felt that even the pastor comes for family no god said the criteria to even be a pastor is that you should run your home well is somebody getting what i'm saying if more men can understand that you are also a priest in your house you know because you know what happens to us many men come to church thinking that i am nobody as long as i have a pastor he will pray for me no understanding that you two are a priest over your house you're a pastor in that house is somebody getting what i'm saying so god had so much faith in marriage if you go to ephesians chapter five the same words were used even when god made the church he designed the church after marriage i'm trying to show you something this is just intro he designed church the new testament redemption plan is church he still designed it with marriage and mind ephesians 5. from verse 22 or verse 20. verse 22 verse 22 dj is said wives do what submit to your own husbands and son to the lord next verse let's move as fast as you can did you he said for the husband is head of the wife even as christ head of the church and he's a savior of the body go ahead he said therefore the church is what do you see how they just moved from husband and wife now to church he said therefore as the church is subject to christ so let the wives be what to their husbands and everything next verse husbands love your wives even as what christ also love what the pause before continue you see this is why if you're a christian you should not be thinking of mine an unbeliever he can't understand and flow in these things this is why i have so much problem with submission and hardship in families if two people that already submitted to christ get married it shouldn't be so difficult to understand submission because the whole context and concept you see i tell people buddha watch me if i know christian a lot of things i'm saying are for christians so you need to understand that because a buddha can argue why should i submit to a man they didn't say something to every man in this world they say choose the man you want to submit that should be rather easy there's no car with two steerings every time you enter a car you're not the one driving you're submitting to that driver you chose the driver it's a husband love your wives as christ is all of the church and gave himself for it next verse he says that he might sanctify and cleanse it by washing out the word next verse he says that he might present it to himself what a glorious church having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing next verse he says so hot meant to do what do you see how they are moving from marriage to church to marriage very important some so ought meant to love their wives as their own bodies he delivered his wife love that word himself i'll get to all these little next verse he said for no man yet he had his own flesh but nourished and changed even as the lord worked the church next verse he said for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones where did you see flesh and bones before when they were talking about what husband and wife they are saying that even the church the whole concept of church is still designed after marriage i'm just trying to lay foundation for your son that marriage is not just for you to have sex mind is not just for you are lonely all those things are important but that's not the concept there's a bigger concept to it is somebody getting what i'm saying okay so in god's eyes marriage is meant to like heal this world if we can do marriage right more and more godly seed will be raised and this world will be a better place a lot of the challenges we are dealing with is coming from homes that are struggling and like somebody said if you came from a broken home make sure a broken home doesn't come from you [Music] if you came from a challenged home now that you are out of this make sure you don't produce another one i'm just laying the foundation today i'm just trying to show you that look guys marriage is beyond your selfish reason he said two shall become one not if you were following mathematics it would be half shall become one because when two half people come together because that's mathematics boy mathematics is two whole people become one why you must first be completing yourself you must be whole the problem we have is that many half people you see when you are half and you are looking for your other half or your better half the challenge is that with that is that you are coming looking to get and if you are getting what i'm saying please follow me all these things are important if you are coming as half what you are doing is that you are looking for somebody to come and complete you so you are coming expecting to receive meanwhile marriage you should be coming expecting to give the only way you come expect to give is when you are full when a cup is full what does it do it pours out that's what is going to happen so you are not going to mind to look for joy you are full of joy when you are going to marriage so you are appointed the person you are marrying is getting out of your joy you are full of happiness already are you here somebody we have too many half people like pastor said i'm looking for who will take care of me no no no no no all adults should walk the bible say that does not work should know it you see when you are coming as a half person and your mind somebody's going to complete you you've already broken the principle of marriage there's nothing god does that is out of selfishness it's part of why masturbation is bad masturbation is bad because it's you pleasing yourself god doesn't desire anything for selfishness everything god desires for gift i don't know if somebody's getting what i'm saying that's the difference between premarital sex and marital sex and that's how many people when they get married they can't enjoy sex anymore because when you are where you are no matter do i donate to value based on selfishness when you not get married it's supposed to be done totally on selflessness different ballgame and if somebody gets what i'm saying so two half people are targeting who will feel me you are having your money so what you're looking for is who has money you are half with your joy your liquor will be entertaining you these are the challenges so you are now marrying for the wrong reason so you saw personality here ministry or you saw the guys the president ministering song you say i'm not my own life is dry if i have a if somebody that's as joyful and playful as pastor i'll be happy listen what you saw here is not how he is 24 hours you see problem i don't preach at home ask my wife because i would think at home i said listen to me my wife i need beans put some caramel in the beak that's not how i taco we don't preach at home the worship leaders don't sing good morning to their spouse they are not in the mood to sing all the time you see so these are the ideas people have you look at somebody far off on the stage and you think this he will fill me up nobody's going to feel you are you here somebody be complete first it is two whole people two now become one not half when you are full you pop out of what you have oh man i don't want to walk you know and like pass larry said ladies fall into that trap a lot meant to do it i've mentioned the story of my man but women do it a lot that's all you know take i want a man that will take care of me when you are not handicapped why can't you take care of yourself a respect a man gives you when you are taking care of yourself i'm telling you you say but all my friends they are married to men that do everything for them go and check how those women are treated at the end when they acquire you as part of the furniture they will eventually treat you as part of the furniture when you're leaving your house do you kiss your chair goodbye you just stand up and go so when they acquire you as part of the furniture at the beginning you look like a centerpiece [Applause] but as time goes on they will ignore you like every other thing go and check some of those women that they buy range rover for they also give them long range slap but because i don't want to leave the range rover they endured the long-range slap somebody get what i'm saying go and find out how those things are working out on the long run you know for us as counselors there are things we get access to that people don't get access to people give you the show we are the ones that deal with the issues when the chips are down there's a respect hey when you are doing and we're going to deal with some of these things that we've gone men listen those the days have passed where it's only money used to oppress women the women of today many of them are working so just having money is not enough when i have time tomorrow we'll talk about that you know the history of some of these things and why it is why it's no more working that's why in those days when men want to marry they are like 10 years older their wives is to manually engineer respect is to manually engineer power but those days have passed so you have to do the real leadership now you can't manually engineer it anymore i'm not getting what i'm saying guys we'll get into that but i said woman take care of yourself it's important see when those days when people are calling and only the man has money the quarter goes a different way to end the quarter the man would just say you leave my house today quarry over because truly is his house point of view buy the house together or two of you are paying the rent together or you have your own money the quarter will be let's go and sleep because nobody can push anybody out pastor i preached for uh pastor fallon shalaki just one or two years ago she's a richest black man i don't know if he's still so but at least at the time billions of what billions of dollars and i kept thinking when i was preaching for her i said imagine this woman sat down like most of the young girls of today are saying a man should take care of me that whole business all those billions will be wasted today you'll be locked up in her many of you ladies looking for a man to fly you to dubai you have what it takes to even own a private jet somebody get what i'm saying we don't want two half people coming together we need two whole people two complete people are you here somebody two complete people so you coming to marriage not somebody come and rescue me is i am full you see when you are empty you take anything because you just want to be full at all cost so somebody is treating you badly you are making excuses for him when you are full you only take something that adds to you the bible said to a hungry man every bitter thing is sweet he said but the person that is full i mean he said the person is full every side they say so hungry person everything is sweet yeah everybody to be president is full he's not he hates honey that means he's not about that he's not he's not moved and if you're getting what i'm saying guys so develop yourself to be that person that will be wanted don't don't waste your time looking for mr right spend your time being mr right spend the time being the right person develop yourself i'll run through several seven benefits of marriage quickly today just intro like i said number one this is why god created marriage is for two people to compliment each other compliments with the enough with the eye complement each other cuz this is for you sit there say two are better than one they'll have a better reward for their labor so the whole design of marriage here is that two people work together god created marriage because you are better when you are true as opposed to one two are better than one you are better when you are true both of you can actually help yourselves and work with yourselves you can scratch each other's back because your your hand wasn't designed to get to your back are you here somebody your hand wasn't designed to get to your back eyes are only on one side of your head you compliment each other you walk with your number two marriage also develops your character so if you thought you were very caring and you got married you thought you are very selfless married you show your true character marriage will test you are you here somebody that would have said pass i don't know how i'm feeling nice anybody that made me enjoy wait manage you test your character one of the reasons god designed marriages to help us be more like him you know you know the things god puts up with do you know how many times he forgives you you promise him that ah lord i won't do it again if you receive me from this one if i see my period sorry that's not i mean they're wrong this is not the wrong dance i'm supposed to say that we're in church i'm saying it in the wrong place sorry but you know those prayers have made the life if you save me from this one i swear i won't do it again have you done it before and you know most time you see do it again i have never heard god say i'm done that's why marriage is not for boys for men see i wanted my own to marry say you want to be like me because the church you see that i'm saying i was this only the foundation the church and christ christ died for their for his bride you sure you still want to marry christ died not this man just said i'm dying for you no christ didn't promise he's died he's not dying he died well well i was buried i don't know if somebody said what i'm saying so ordinary submit you can't submit that that you want to die that's why they compared it marriage tests your character because it makes us behave like christ makes us behave like god that that do you know god's um antidote for any problem do you know whenever you have a bad you know what god's solution to every challenge is love if you're misbehaving it's love the only medicine has in his cupboard or in his first state box is what that's the listing has you know the simple i think god is punishing sin let me put the thing that god is going about but if if god punishes you you know when we say go upon if god punishes you you'll be here to tell us say god will punish me he said i'm afraid to enter plane because i'm a sinner if i enter plane it will crash see if god was killing people that committing sin before you reach your tongue many people would understand you don't understand okay don't worry that's not what i'm i'm saying this is in the wrong place are you hearing somebody because there are many christians walking about thinking god is kind of one big stick looking for them if god was punishing people if they said god punish you you won't be here to be telling us because there's only one punishment for sin only one there's death there's no half punishment there's no flock it's death so if god punish you won't be here now people could tell us about punish you not be you go tell us did somebody get what i'm saying sir god's only remedy 15 is love ya misbehaving love god so love the world not even church of the world that mad person that's why as a christian you must understand how to use love you see and you know what pastor i'm going to start standing up do you know everything they've asked us to do in marriage is what they've asked us to do as christians that's why i don't know why a christian doesn't have a good marriage i don't understand it because everything they say we should do as christians is exactly the same thing you're going to do matter in fact you you practice with other people then you do the main thing with your spouse other people will rehearsal if you're in a church like this and you're not in a service unit you're already practicing to fail because what is marriage is one person or two people serving each other so if you serve in church you are practicing you are enjoying ushers you do like this you just you wake up from your house early in the morning we are your high heels and you stand on one spot for two hours in two or three services and you smile even when your ankles you see you are learning marriage you are learning marriage and you smile and you point them to justice and you know there's some stubborn people as you point here they go here and you see myself it's okay you are learning marriage you are taking care of other people's children the children's church and those who never come to say thank you in fact they will complain that my baby even people didn't clean well and they're not paying you you're already practicing marriage they are testing your patience somebody getting what i'm saying everything they asked us to do as christians they say forgive those that offend you you practice it with other people i should forgive them to be easy to forgive your spouse if you have not been practicing it it will be tougher to forgive your spouse i remember that pastor man i called this pastor said pastor i'm not marrying again i want to divorce my wife the pastor said brother the bible says husbands love your wife he said she's not my wife she has been staying in the next room for months pastor said the bible says love your neighbor he said she is not my neighbor she is always insulting me he said love your enemies is there god's only solution for every problem it's love your child is behaving love somebody is angry do you know people treating you badly do you know what they are look they are lacking love so when they notice you badly you now make them say good and fire for fire when somebody just for no reason is hating you they you must realize that they first hate themselves you need to pity them not fight them you need to hug them not push them away they lack something somebody get what i'm saying and you know what it is people like this that also enter marriage so you need to learn to be accepted you need to learn to understand you need to learn to hug you to learn to be patient you need to understand that your spouse is coming from a challenged background all of us as human beings came broken and that is where the challenge is the design of marriage is perfect it's just that the people building it are broken so you must be patient this is why you must enter slowly because you're also going to come out slowly if you ever need to come up enter slowly i never get to what i'm saying perspective i have a message my wife preached with titled you don't need a new spouse because at every point in many marriages you get to the point where you think i think i need to change i think i married the wrong person most marriages get there some get there in the first one or two years some get them five year mark they're different marks like that so we did it's from my brother my books i'm working on title you don't need a new spouse because many people get to that point they think i need new spouse listen you don't need a new spouse you just need a new perspective of that your spouse's problem if your husband grew in a house where the father was like the king of new york the father was a terror where his father horns from the express road everybody goes under the bed he's already lacking emotionally he cannot give what he does not have somebody getting what i'm saying i was in dubai some years ago talking about perspective i was in dubai some years ago went to watch football champions league so he ended device about three or four hours ahead of us so it ended nine or ten o'clock our time so dubai time was around midnight one o'clock so i entered the taxi back to my hotel after watching champions league and the taxi driver that was driving me was chewing gum loudly the most irritating thing ever and he was shaking his head i saw chewing it loudly the guy was annoying me my blood was hot i was i thought i could enjoy it i thought it was soon end but the guy was showing the gum throughout the trip after a while i could not take it anymore and i said what are you what is going what are you doing i was angry with the guy you can't carry a passenger i'm behaving like this i was so hungry and me and my accident in front of sit at the back and taxes i sit in front so i was beside him so it was very decent what are they doing the guy said this was around 1am the guy said because of his shift at night he normally sleeps during the day but at this day he couldn't sleep so as he's driving me now i say between start chewing now loud true loudly let me be hearing you let me be hearing you be chewing because i'm not ready to die do you see sir that suddenly that chewing was no longer irritating i never know what i'm saying for those of you that are married before you get angry ask why if you can get to the why of some things it will be it will be you know you can enjoy it do you know your feelings never operate on their own the mistake we make is to submit ourselves to our feelings he said this is how i feel look your feelings are real but they are not always right they are real because of both think when we are talking like this by saying your friends are not no we agree with your feelings i was irritated that was a real feeling but it's not always right it's not permanent your feelings don't control you they are not meant to control you feelings are good for it's a good fuel it's not a good driver it can't lead you you should give it direction then you foil it i don't forget what i'm saying this is serious titled emotions like that you need to understand your feelings are real they are powerful but they are not always right your feelings are just a product of your thoughts so if you can change your thoughts you will change your feelings the moment that guy gave me that information my feeling of irritation changed to motivation i began to motivate him chew loudly i want to hear you you see that sound of chewing now guaranteed my safety it changed how i saw the truth you know what if i'd if i didn't get that change in perspective i can come down from that cup and say i'm not doing it again not knowing that if i had administered love the way christ would do to the church that relationship can be saved are you hearing somebody this is why marriage is not for voices for men it's not what you thought the picture of the painting is wedding the wedding is not marriage the wedding is a few hours the marriage is for life the wedding's for people they buy it for two of you it's people that have weddings for not for you marriage is one that is for you people are not in the marriage somebody getting what i'm saying your pursuit if you can control your thoughts it will change your feeling your your thoughts and let me let me round up by saying these are so many things to cover for those of you that are still single that's why you must be clear on what is attracting you to the opposing sex anything can attract you but it's all based on what you have been programmed to believe many girls always tell me oh pastor i want a tall man he must be tall so we married the short people you must say help us oh we married the short people he said you want to ask them i said why why do you want to you start hearing funny things i want in the picture so that i will look down i want when i wear heels so i usually ask them a question i say so have you dated somebody taller than you before you say yes i said where is he do you want tall and unreliable or short-term relief do you want tall and it doesn't commit you see that idea is something you programmed yourself and the moment you change your thinking your attraction or emotion will also change your feelings are something you can change you have just been you have been building castles like that in your head and if i show you a brown bag that has no name no no no no movements you'll be excited if i suddenly tell you that that bag is an lv bag you see suddenly your emotion towards the back will change what's the difference your thoughts the moment i gave an information but all back is bargain at the end of the day it's your mind your emotions are real i agree but you can program it i'll end with this story like i said there's so many things to cover my wife almost marry me she will share some of her story tomorrow she almost didn't marry me why because she said shh she didn't want to marry an igbo man disabled men are very arrogant have you been immune to picking phone call before everybody there joins the conversation they don't care who you are you are going to participate i'm ebo so i know what i'm talking about she said number two she didn't want to marry a hairy man because she's a bit hairy like she might say hairy man everybody will be our children and truly if you see our son you know what she was talking about his son is still six years old five seven then lastly says he's gonna marry pastor because he knows the demand of being a pastor's wife those are all the things you had in our head guess what god needed her to do was exactly all those things there are some of you here because of how you've programmed your mind you are missing on good opportunities to marry someone because you've told some men after themselves eh i must marry a slim girl let me ask you who hope you know it was an acquired test you programmed that idea and it's not even your fault from when you were born have you seen any cartoon that is facts as a major actor major the major character in moscow it's just even our days that are doing those days when we're young all major characters slim tall pointed nose then you move from cartoons you start watching teenage movies all the stars and tiny movies slim then you start watching music videos as you grow that all the dancers slim then you start watching beauty pageant all the winners slim then you start watching fashion show all these models so why how do you what what do you you're going to grow up thinking that that slim is the idea of beauty and everybody here not that knows everybody but the experience we hear know that those women that have bodies more [Music] i'm going the wrong direction again i don't know why this church is dragging me in the wrong place if you know you know is somebody getting what i'm saying but they've deceived you they've programmed you it's something that coca-cola and others would do why do coca-cola advertise even though they're the biggest um bottling company why do they advertise it's not just you the others they're looking for they're programming your children already because as you're watching coca-cola somebody's drinking this and saying ah they're programming you as you are passing by the traffic and some of your shows you cook subconsciously you will buy when you go to a party and say what will you drink subconsciously you say cook that's why they keep advertising even though you've been buying a good part of their budget goes back to putting that picture before you so you need to reprogram yourself according to god's standard time i wish i could go into more [Laughter] so let me talk from my book several um who should i marry i mentioned just three or four points there are ten points that you can get the book for them i'll mention three and i'll round up from there so who should i marry as a young person what should i look out for there are 10 seas i mentioned in that book number one christ let the person be in christ if you're a christian then you can't marry an unbeliever it's obvious second question 614. say don't be unequally yoked together with unbelievers it's a what agreement can light have with darkness where christians marry another christian that's the first sea the person was being christ you see why is this important because marriage is like a yoking together and it's not just between to be within three people marriage is in husband wife and god when you marry someone that is not in god he means you are going to make it with four people because they will bring their own father because every father faces this is their son or daughter so it doesn't matter how nice this person is if they are not changed from the inside then they are not saved are you here somebody let them be in christ oh it should be unequally yoked two of you can't flow at the same realm you can flow at the same pace you got i mean i've never had to tell my wife oh the bible says the bible says we both know that there's no other way we are living there is nothing else that time is what we do is scripture when you see somebody arguing the bible says i'm saying it means you already entered one chance we both already know what the bible says we know our rules christ number two character don't just marry someone because they go to the same church with you don't marry someone because they say hallelujah jesus christ says no that coming lord lord a church is a hospital it's not everybody there is a church that is in christ so check for their character if the character is not christ-like don't marry that hey church is the hospital senior pastor is the chief medical officer in our own church we will encourage people if you're getting close to anybody i know something might happen talk to the chief medical officer or any of other senior consultants so that they can check the file of that person and say are they responding to treatment since they joined this hospital this is what they joined with have they changed don't just jump into anything you see a church is a hospital look every good church attracts prostitutes attracts fraudsters attracts robbers it is a good jojo in jesus 12 members church one was a thief that's the church jesus himself pastor so you think my own attractive too every church is a hospital everybody being a walker doesn't mean you're even christ like being even a leader doesn't mean you must check for the character if their character is not matching with their confession check the character number three check compatibility do we have similarity of values compatibility doesn't mean similarity it just means the ability for us to get along it's like a pen and a pen cover we must not be alike but almost able to work together so our values the same competitive doesn't mean we must be a liking personality but must be alike in values what do we believe for me for instance i knew like i knew my name i was going to serve my generation so i met some girls if i even met my wife so when i just started being their friends i found to understand their dream is to travel abroad and there's nothing wrong with that but that doesn't work you see this why people face stress and straining marriage divorce is two people going die two ways by force what divorces die means to voices first divorce so you start asking those questions what are your dreams what do you believe about parenting do you believe in slapping your child or not let's discuss because may i slap cause they slap me i must slap somebody [Laughter] hallelujah that's no now i no you can't end now all right compatibility basically you know our values so compartments are more about our values what do we believe do we believe in church they put on the mindset doesn't believe in church you say i i believe in jesus but i believe in church how is that possible church is the body of christ can you like my head i don't like my body we are one you can't remove the head from the body because i believe in christ oh boy these churches i don't like them that one is not really saved values are not the same so i don't believe in tithing i don't believe in prayer i don't believe in disorder values do they align so that you won't be saying long story tomorrow lastly as i close like i said too many things to touch check companionship your tenses i've just touching for companionship this one is important to me because pastor one of the things we discovered is that the strength of every marriage is in intimacy when the intimacy is right you can survive everything you see what breaks marriage is not what people think that brexit is the strength of the marriage that you just said when the wind blows when the storms come in same wind and the same storms that beat the two houses but one fell because of what it was built on when there's real intimacy a marriage will survive infertility infidelity insufficient forms interference in-laws it survives anything once there is intimacy once it's strong but once it's not strong any of those things i mentioned can break the marriage so it's not really the in-laws that broke it it's the intimacy that was not there strong marriages you see standing go and check they've been through all these things that other people are saying is the reason they are breaking they've been through it go and check it so we didn't have money again you are many couples that their marriage is even stronger because there was a period they didn't have money so three years now my wife has not taken in i've got a white woman in the village no intimacy and my wife it had waited eight years for had our first biological child eight it was never a discussion at the end of my family must talk to her one day you know can you dare not i haven't protected her from my own mother you don't disturb my wife leave it we'll have children at our time okay two years ago three years no children i'm going to have to drive outside intimacy so another message starts to build from companionship level of friendship don't look for a spouse and make them your friend look among your friends and make one your spouse [Applause] this is why people marry you have your spouse then your friend is still somebody outside this home someone can see my friend no this is my friend i get what i'm saying a friend is there at all times so you must build that friendship before you marry that's what you're looking for how can can we talk without touching ourselves this is why there's so much promises god no no friendship how are you fine how are me fine how are we fine nothing to do less kiss god nothing to talk about again no friendship build friendship in counseling one of these discover most of the couples that have problems the five factors we ask is how did you meet most of the introduction thing it's not nothing it's totally bad it's just that when people introduce each other or they meet on dating site they have fast-tracked the process the process that strengthens the union is that meeting and building friendship stage but when they hook you up you fast-track to dating then you are now dating and trying to build friendship so you find out that there's a struggle we already committed but we're not trying to find ourselves are we are we on the same page usually those marriages don't work or they struggle because no friendship they have 24 hours in the day if you are a prayer warrior you pray one hour how many hours are left then you have sex for one hour it doesn't happen no but let's assume that you are you have seven how many hours are left twenty two what do you think you're doing for 2 hours stuck you know if you guys can be friends now your mind you get more and more boring and once the intimacy cracks everything has cracked somebody gets what i'm saying so companionship is this person my friend do we have some things in common do i enjoy talking to you you see this why why some couples when they call and they start posting things on instagram they were never friends [Music] they are there for marriage as long as marriage has failed war has started they were never close they were not to use each other when you're really close you find out that you have a soft spot for this person even when they annoy you even when they treat you badly you're not planning to harm them somebody getting what i'm saying thank you jesus are you blessed at all today come on give the lord a big hand to god i'm going to praise your prayer that we're going to continue tomorrow my wife will speak some at some point tomorrow we'll have one and evening sessions and then sunday whatever you don't miss the meetings and invite people and please buy the books i pray this evening for every person under the sound of my voice lord i lift up the single people that are here i ask that you help to make them whole they will not look to marriage to complete them they will be complete before they go into marriage any area that there's a deficiency father fill it up in the name of jesus bring healing to every heart and heart i break the power coming from any negative background in the mighty name of jesus open our eyes to look for the right qualities any castle that we have built that is not in line with your will we demolish it today in the name of jesus we are open to your will we are open to your plan in the mighty name of jesus and for the married people here i pray for healing i decree that any home here facing a crisis i decree let it be restoration in the name of jesus let there be healing in the name of jesus god will touch your hearts god will mend that hole that crack god will fill it up in the name of jesus what god has joined together nothing will put us under if there's anyone that is a threat to the peace of your home i stand today as god servant i decree let that plot end in the name of jesus let the plan fail in the name of jesus god will stay your heart back to love each other in the mighty name of jesus

Channel: Kingsley Okonkwo

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Id: pbkAUPIL9IQ

Length: 60min 53sec (3653 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 24 2021