How To Manage Differences In Relationships | Kingsley Okonkwo

if you are single here please let me tell you something embrace the gift of singleness are you here somebody many single people i don't want to run away from i'm tired of synchronization single don't ever use that phrase you can't be tired of being single now it's good to desire marriage don't get me wrong i'll come to that but you can be tired of being single singular is a gift singleness is what a gift it's a gift you should embrace not a course you should detest singleness is a gift you should what embrace hey god when god gives you the gift of goodness your single years i've said this here before your single years are not yes you are using to wait to marry your single years and years are used to build for life it's a gift god is giving you because the moment you marry your life will never be the same again i'm telling you ask any married person it's easier to be happy when you're single than when you're married i'll talk about that a bit more tomorrow do you know marriage was never designed to make you happy i'll talk about that tomorrow don't worry marriage was never designed to make you what happened there's no way in scripture you will see that the sabbath will make you happy marriage were designed to make you better not to make you happy so when i say i'm tired of being single shows that you have unrealistic expectations of where you're going because that's why many people are happy because they entered my thinking oh my life should be solved here marriage is like school or school designed to make you happy it's the slogan of the school we are here to encourage our students is that what they had to do is anybody here that when you're in school when they're announcing something excited or when they say this extra electronics no school was not designed to make you happy when you came out of school you came out better is somebody following what i'm saying so if you enter school and to study law before you entered my guy will truly there's a lawyer he's here but he's also a relationship guy hallelujah so if you don't know him but you know him soon so he studied law that's why i remember him so you enter school before you want to study law when you entered you were just a student you were not a lawyer by time you are done through all the stress of reading of staying up late and all that they didn't encourage you they didn't make you happy they didn't bring their clowns to cheer you up they didn't bring comedians to tell you jokes they were putting you through legal through stress but when you came out with a certificate you were better not necessarily happy now when you are better you can become happy but the goal this school was not set up that our vision make our students happy no they have no interest in your happiness so when you enter marriage you just mindset this is why when they propose some people see where they dance you know this one doesn't know where they are they don't know where they are going when i see those posts i usually i generally i feel like dropping my number that you will need counselling is the amount of time taking this number you need it you will need this number the way you are jumping and shouting that they propose to you so you don't know where you're going hallelujah it's easier to be happy when you are single than when you're married when you are single i'll read somebody i'll do this tomorrow but i don't know why i mentioned the rose message today when you are single you can do only things that please you in fact the bible says that he is single he's only concerned about pleasing the lord and yourself when you are single you can wake up twelve in the afternoon you did it from morning wake up tonight just do it to [Applause] me and you mix the egg inside because i didn't even have patience to make it separate you just put everything at once you get on from work you don't have time you just take conflicts you can please yourself when you are single once you marry a good chunk of your time energy and resources are located or allotted to somebody else i'm telling you it's easier to be happy when you're single somebody getting what i'm saying it's easier to be happy when you are single so don't detest singleness don't see it as a curse see it as a gift to embrace not a cause to the test not something you're trying to escape from i'm doing my best this year sweetheart don't do your best to escape singleness embracing goodness enjoy it from the day you say yes your life will never be the same again young man you can spend your money anyhow you like when you are single you can know your personal way you see a you just buy you can pass away and see you just by when you get married everything about your life will start to be shared and before you know children will start coming see when you marry by the time they're done with you your husband children or your wife and children only about two percent in your 24 hours only about two or so hours to be your own the rest will belong to other people only a small fraction of your money will be your own because everybody will start making demand school fees house rent your children's clothes that's why you know that children grow without respect because you just buy this now a few months is now tight you say junior look you don't promote this see next year because i'm not buying anything this year it's somebody tell me what i'm saying it's easier to be happy when you are single embrace your singleness my aim i'm just preaching you tomorrow's message today no need to know because i'm focused on it embracing goodness yes i'll preach this one tomorrow i'm here there's no problem i can mix it because this one i'm saying is just doing me somehow so i will preach today tomorrow tomorrow today is that okay my aim is that by the end of these three days you should be able to embrace your singing and say lord i thank you for the gift of singleness i'm telling you enjoy it i guess what i'm saying i'm telling you for free enjoy it when you marry your life will not be the same that's what the bible says what's the heat that is single first corinthians 7. it's a heat that is single he's only concerned about the thing how he pleased the lord but he said he that is married now has to be concerned about the things of this life how he may please his spouse do you see in marriage you are you not have a responsibility to please another human being and you know if you are not married that sounds okay until you discover that usually opposites attract so what they are telling you simply in one verse is deeper than that it's not going to be convenient at all it's easy to please somebody when is in line with what you already like to do but what they are telling you gently like that is deeper than that you know why because opposites usually attract nobody marries somebody that's similar to when we talk about compatibility we're not talking about compatibility in terms of personality there are values but in terms of personalities opposites usually attract good marriages are not made of people that are similar in personality they are always different somebody get what i'm saying opposites always attract i'm a wife and very different my wife can eat food from the fridge she's here i'm not lying on her head she can eat food she likes her food cold she can eat chicken from the friendship text from french if i'm eating rice i want before i enter near the right i want to be seeing this thing going to the heavens is somebody what i'm saying me i like hot places my wife likes cold places the first thing she does when she enters the room is to put on the ac the first thing i do in the room to put off the ac if somebody gets what i'm saying she's the kind of person that presses toothpaste from the bottom in progression me i just need to twist however it comes out doesn't matter we can press it from anywhere as long as you see coming out i don't forget what i'm saying opposites usually attract you will likely marry somebody very opposite from you [Laughter] i can give you more in every family the reason why opposites attract is because you usually like what you don't have you're usually attracted to qualities you don't have do you know as we are all here trying to go to canada the people in canada are trying to come to nigeria people have lived all their life abroad don't you i want to come home and say home where don't come [Music] because that's how life is designed that's why in life and you must know that your life is very customized you can't follow what people are saying because you don't know their own experience in their history people always run to what they don't have not what they do have somebody getting what i'm saying don't you notice the white people they'd like to go to safari for them that's his journey to go to the wild go to the bush see animals we have cowboys outside here we have animals surrounding us [Music] where you are we have animals at everywhere we are surrounded by animals if somebody i'm saying you are generally attracted to something you don't have it so that's why opposites usually attract in every home there is a spender and there's a saver these are the things that cause problems these are the things that cause problems in marriages or relationships yeah are you a saver you see and you are attracted to each other because the server is seeing how prudent the spender is and the spender i see how jovial and free this is this defender is ah you can just buy something at the beginning it's attractive hallelujah i'm just trying to show you that it's easier to be happy when you are single embrace your single life see it as a god gave that gift to you for you to develop yourself ask any married person the time you developed a lot of things you are doing you developed when you were single when you are married you don't have that much time to read books you don't have more time to read it from bible you have more than more time to pray why am i saying go pray seven hours straight now that am i with children every seven minutes saturday your children are interrupting you or your spouse needs your attention embrace your singleness i'm begging you embrace it it's not a blessing you should embrace not the course you should detest it's okay to desire marriage but it's better to be prepared for it did you hear that i say it's okay to desire marriage but it's better to be prepared for it it's important to decide it's important to be prepared for it many your decisions are money have you read any book no have you ever seen i know what have you learned nothing i just want to marry you make a mess of it like this thing i'm sharing with you is part of why many marriages struggle there are three stages in every relationship or marriage three stages so the first stage is where opposites attract like i mentioned so a talkative two talkatives can never marry are you here somebody too talkative marry because they have a two-hour date how are you fine [Music] do you want anything say no nothing thank you [Music] nobody will talk nobody will talk so usually opposes attract when there is a party this required person likes that guy that is going about greeting everybody the guy created everybody likes that girl that is sitting quietly she just sit down chained to no problem so human being come gentle like this because he can't sit down for two minutes so they will start talking and they'll be admiring those of that opposites in each other she's so gentle says just sit down hey how are you can i get your number i like you he should be thinking my mind hey see how free and jovia it is you know because quiet people ask they don't talk they talk don't let it talk in their mind why people talk a lot so they admire you that you can actually voice what you are thinking them they will talk to themselves they judge people too they talk they consent for all in their mind so he's impressed to see a guy that's just talking freely anything he thinks he says it i like his boldness i like he's sorry i like him so they start to date opposites first attract the challenge is that stage two is a bit rougher than that after opposites attracts they choose now opposites for straight so this is where many people now have problem even marriages even relationships in fact as a counselor this is the point where many people want to break their relationship sometimes they've already married this way they want to break their marriages the same thing that attracted them now begins to frustrate them you don't say you you just sit in one place can't you talk that's what he liked before now he can't believe still your mind she's saying i have nothing to say she has but you already talked too much for two of you so she can never say what's on her mind can't you talk then be quiet i'm saying you you talk too much when they attend the church like this when they started after service the guy will be greeting everybody the girl which is in the car they should be saying most you great to everybody do you all these people do you know them quarrel i've started if you start to frustrate the same thing happens when you see a very purpose or success driven person they usually will attract a very laid back person they will be attracted then after a while they will hit the stage ready for streets so the driven person's like you you don't want to succeed in life all your plans you told me i've not done anything you are not you're too lazy so usually they can they come for counselling i had one of them one of my precious daughters very driven very smart very smart very driven success driven she speaks many languages she has phd she has this very driven she was in a relationship and she got to said you were like this guy is too laid back it's too gentle i don't think it to work i say to work this is the only thing that can work for you if two purpose driven highly driven people marry they don't know where their children are they'll be meeting at the airport going to different places where the children i thought they were with you where are you if two strongly people married they will be struggling for the staring chorus every day when one laid-back personality is a driven person there is no argument it's easy to manage i said this is the exact person you would attract and the exact person you should marry as long as the person has a job is busy has to contribute basic things marry them in everything in life opposites generally attract whether it's magnetic physics any other thing opposites generally attract you'll never see similar things attracting anywhere if somebody gets in this so stage one opposites attract stage two they begin to frustrate we cancelled somebody like that the guy is very driven the girl is very laid back they were in love then they reached for straight stage and the guy be like she's too laid back all her dreams she gives me she has not done anyone have to now begin to coach them because managing that stage is very crucial when you manage that stage well you enter the third stage and that's the beautiful stage the thought stage is where opposites exchange you actually exchange but we will never make it to that point because from the first straight stage they begin to drift apart if they are married if they don't divorce they will just not be close again if they are dating they usually will break up if you can pass through the four straight stage you will make it to the exchange state and that is the beautiful stage when there is exchange that marriage is actually like a dance is actually like like art hope you know that at the beginning the two people were one then god separates them then brings them back together to become one in genesis 5 from verse 1 you swear they said god made them adam so they were one together from beginning and one god says no good for man to be alone what he meant is no good for man to be all in one so he first separated them then brought them back together and you say man and woman joined together is what actually give god individually we're not the image of god at all because when when god said in genesis 1 that let's make mine in our image after our likeness man and woman were together he said he blessed them that's what he said and told them be fruitful one person can't be fruitful he blessed them that's what he said in genesis 1. if somebody gets in this so they were one together he separated them because he took women from the man then allowed them now come back together willingly and that would require intentionality them back together and come then come back together is what represents the perfect image of god because there is a part a woman brings very different departing man brings and there's a part a man brings a woman can never bring this is what the feminists and all these other east people are trying to attack by saying there are no rules when they say there are no rules they're trying to say all gender can be the same and what you have seen they are doing now where you know men can say they are women and women can say they are men two men together can never bring the image of god two women together can never bring the image of god it is a man and a woman so you need to know where they are going they're really attacking the very core of humanity two men can never reproduce two women can never reproduce when god said be fruitful and multiply if there were two men that would be a lie they will not reproduce somebody getting what i'm saying so if you notice the bible talk about the right hand of of of god's judgment the left hand of god's message things like that is those two hands that's why men and when it comes to parenting men bring judgment women bring mercy that's why the person that brings mercy can be the person that still brings judgment so men and women that's why you should avoid single parenting as much as you can i know it's almost inevitable in doubt in the world we live in but it's not god's ideal because something will be missing in that person when they don't have the truth a mother's love is like god's unending love if a mother loves you you understand god's love a mother does not never gets tired that's why the bible uses example like can a woman forget her suckling child because it's totally almost impossible if a woman is here and a child steals the one will still take food to the child in prison and die in love if it's a man this chance is disgusting see lock him up the stupid boy because the man brings judgment two together those two together brings the exact image of god because god is not just all mercy and neither is god all judgment it is together they present the image of god marriage and god is a mystery you see that in ephesians 5. he mentioned it there that's we're going i'll talk about this tomorrow he'll be going from the mystery of man and woman submitting and cooperating to talking about you see now say i'm talking about christ and the church you say i speak about the mystery when they say use the word mystery in the bible it's not something hidden is something that was hidden but that is revealed i don't think that's what i'm saying so getting to that exchange part is the beauty where delayed by in fact that is even the very concept of marriage i'll talk about that also tomorrow is to complement each other by the time we join together the person are lacking in you now comes to me the partners lacking in you i now supply it that's why when it comes to the church he said that which every joint supply it so there are things i can do in church that you can do the things you can do in the body that i can't do so we need each other that's why when denominations are churches are fighting they don't understand christ we need every church we need that church that doesn't wear a ring because people won't go to heaven except they attend our church then we need church diva men played their hair because wounded is never received christ except they can see the men played here we need church that can wear transfer we need one that can never wear trousers we need all demonstrate your own is superior to the person who you have missed i don't even know what i'm saying we need church that like music we need ones that don't like music we need churches that laugh and ones are foul all are important because some people if you are not sober they believe you cannot make heaven be sober be vigilant i can't be smiling when souls are perishing you must keep your straight face but if you don't laugh in church you don't live around you know us we must be happy you must be joyful and all the other scriptures are in the same bible so you can't use your own to cancel on that person's own somebody get what i'm saying we need all that exchange so what happens is that the woman that talks a lot now starts to become quiet and the guy that doesn't talk now starts to talk after some years my wife used to be the quiet person i used to be the one that talks a lot today she now talks like i told the queer people to talk they're just stuck in their mind they're not really quiet they also have power to be verbally expressing what they are thinking so i used to be the talker now she's the talker i'm the choir oh do counseling sometimes nowadays the whole two-hour session she would want talking talking talking i'll just be quiet i'm joking now they say yes after one session we finished i just called one of our tech guys say where can i buy hologram you know hologram that thing that looks like a presentability person i said well this one doesn't even need me in a counseling class they just buy that and sit down there i'm smiling the readme can go and do other things in my life is somebody getting what i'm saying so what do we do when the opposites attract what do we do well number one you need to appreciate that difference appreciate who your partner is you see awareness awareness or perspective goes a long way and it's my first time thank you awareness goes a long way the moment i realize that my me and my partner opposites goes a long way awareness be aware what are the differences between you and your partner there will always be differences the strongest relationships are usually opposites remember not opposites in value though not that may i believe in god don't believe in god the opposite attract no that's not what i mean not in values i'm talking about personality types so awareness just knowing that oh she actually has something to say but she usually will not say it so that awareness helps me realize that it's not just have opinion look at the many many do they leave their homes just because this song say we decided no we decided she never said anything only you said it and she didn't have power to oppose you because the one time she tried to talk you used your 1000 words to crush our two words so she said no need to keep all our thoughts in our mind hallelujah awareness discarded person if you know that see an organized person who marries catholics two scattered people can't marry they will scatter the relationship that's what happens someone organizes my skepticism when you understand that is how my partner is that i'm even the thing i'm complaining about is what i'm even sent to solve in their life so you understand where it's coming from then if you are mighty organized person you also understand where she's coming from because for the organized person things not being organized stresses them out totally stresses and we we discover we don't know what is wrong with you this scattered person this catapult is a full-time fire brigade officer are you here with me we are many we are permanently fired be great officers everything is last minute everything is what last week we are never on time everything last minute islam is saying where is my shoe where is my passport today is travelling the hour is travelling there you look for experts but the organized person two weeks before the time has kept the passport the boarding pass everything they are going to use they've kept it in one place organization if you move anything where the captivity shifts the shoulders [Music] you see just awareness awareness can go a long way being aware hallelujah that this is how this person is and i'm different you would now after awareness the next level is acceptance accept their difference accept it your job is not to change anybody you can't change any human being accept them you'll be happier in life if you accept who they are that this my husband is scattered his mother tried to change him for 30 years he didn't change i'm not the one that would change him he said this causes frustration you want to change your mind that has been scattered since the body a scattered person when he enters the house he's dropping all his clothing items at one mile everyone meter as he's going from the door he dropped his suit near the step he dropped his time first landing obstacle drop one shoe second line you drop one sucks you can shout at him every day or when he enters you go and pick up everything from where he bought trust me it looks difficult but you'll be happier awareness number one number two is what accept them accept them they are planners you see when you accept them for instance scatter person are you married an organized person acceptance means to allow them organize organize our life i get what i'm saying if you are the spender let the saver organize your finances but the spender we think is he's making good finances he's wrecking the hours like that i finished our money it's not a joke he's not a joke i was a financial rolling stone i was a financial wreck and i had faith and i was making money i was blessed so as i make the money i spend it a spender slogan is money is for spending what are we saving money jesus can come any time [Applause] a spender is always taken by surprise schoolfish always comes to him by surprise is it you again of course it's good you knew from beginning of the year all the points with you when you're acting surprised right it comes to him and surprised rent again yes because this deceiver has everything planned he saves all through the year for his rent at the end of the year but he spend that belief before that time reaching there out too many in this place there are too many in this place so mr spender acceptance means to allow the saver organize the finances change our life change our life i'm a big spender i make money in big way and i'm also spending like that until i began to become aware of both my partner and myself and began to accept that god sent her into my life with that unique skill to help me that's why two spenders would be a disaster ah that's why i'm saying opposites are usually better once people similar marry they will be very strong in one area and also very weak two spenders their children are perpetually praying for their parents that lord help my parents to have coffees because two of them are equally shocked when school visits you splendor parents their children are used to being driven from school regularly because my parents will never be ready are you here two talkative parents will never listen to anybody they both talk nobody listens you hear somebody two organized people will never take any risk because see the balance that is what makes marriage beautifully different that's why it brings the balance the two of you need because when two and risk averse people marry should we wake up it's risky i don't think it's a good idea neither do i let's stay here they will never make any decision when two incredible optimists also marry that we always bet too big let's put all our investment in bitcoin let's sell our land i'm putting bitcoin is selling now they are too reckless too reckless the balance brings safety for you guys you begin to appreciate it you begin to what i appreciate it hope you're writing that's number one number one is awareness number two is what number three is what appreciate it i appreciate it hey even offer my wife saving if you don't voice organizing hey on this trip we're going to preach in i don't know how many messy places we're going to preach but in the next two weeks i'm going to be traveling i preached in keja on thursday i flew to lauren on friday morning i left from 5am got to laurie preached friday evening in laurie preach saturday morning and evening learning preach sunday in the lorry for three hours on sunday morning straight monday which is today i flew into abuja i'm preaching now i'm going to preach on monday tuesday wednesday take a break on thursday friday i'm flying to potakots i'll preach saturday morning saturday evening sunday morning then from there i'm also going to you so we have to pack all the things we wear for all the services i don't know how many services we have to pack it number 12 about 12. we have to have to pack it i was not a part of that packing if he's left on me i'll bring down two or three shirts i'll be buying the remaining when i get here i'm telling you i appreciate it that difference is a blessing now i appreciate my wife she will sit down this will wear monday there's a way on tuesday organizing wears me out time we're in canada we just finished preaching in canada and we're about to travel back the next day i saw his wife was already packing a day before packing all the things hey i was so you see these are the things that make your marriage last happy because you may appreciate it they think that you were pointing to each other that made you attract if you come back so you're looking at organizing out she was packing all the clothes the next day next day for a certain person too was packing all our things ah i told her honey come and pick me and she was smiling she didn't know why i said just practice me first she now pet me say why am i pecking i said because i just want to appreciate myself that i have been married [Applause] [Music] everything serious we are going to church this evening carry a bible yes one step at a time everything's serious god usually connects you with somebody very unserious you know that no matter what's going on everything is a joke even when they see us they will turn into a joke you see that balance make you makes you healthy if two very stressful married they usually get high blood pressure because they will think too much do you take everything too seriously it's a balance to help you and your serious person this is life because he will take everything on seriously the balance brings the beauty you begin to appreciate it i look at my wife today i'm happy i hope she is happy when she looks at what she married that's why i was packing myself i can't speak for you so let me like complete myself come and pick me can be so serious so i make her laugh do you understand i make her laugh i remember that time one time she entered the battle because she's taking a person that she wants to have about bush has happened she has to lay her clothes on the bed hey organizer you are you're weird me i go and bath but i don't know what i'm going to wear when i come out [Applause] [Music] form a association here no one will lay down what she's going to wear before she even starts to have a bath so one day she entered laid down her underwear everything addressed and said she came back at one hour underwear top and bottom and i lay on the bed section she used to laugh life is not that serious you can't be too organized you begin to actually appreciate it i began to appreciate our finances for the first time because i actually saw that we could actually have money after we have spent we should have something left before that time all money that enters also goes i don't buy many things but anything i buy usually empties the account if you are married to his special spender i'll get to that point if you're married to his friend and never show him all the money i'll show you if the hundred calvary time is only 20 cases in america do we finish at 20k then one day you will need atk badly then you tell him okay i can give you another 20k he was hey he will not lose i love you that's why i love you [Applause] [Music] so number one is what what's number one awareness what's number two acceptance what's number three appreciation then number four adjustment adjustment adjust to the person like i mentioned earlier if you are married to a spender don't show him all the money after a while eh he will start to learn that ah this guy saved me rent was due and she actually had savings i should surprise my wife my voice had money go ahead molly you're going to run a joint account so i'm surprised when we share some money together she will keep out then you will need to burn me she will bring you out you are doing in this house so i began to actually appreciate the fact that ah it's good to have money this is my spending livestream so i just he scatters these things pick it up his current things put a dirty clothes basket where he can see it he only put in here when he throws it in his presence take it and put it there he'll be getting the idea because everybody's work in progress the person that was looks like they wouldn't change today eventually if you love them enough they will change adjustments your wife likes to organize so give a heads up and allow her let whoever is strong in an area lead in that area you know you're not a good in financial management who is better with money how do we know who's better money who has money left is the better person let them manage let him manage the family finances so you submit you adjust and submit to that person's leadership somebody get what i'm saying who is better at it i just hallelujah i just so after you go through these stages you know the adjustment stage is where you become intentional because at the beginning you were actually adjusting but you were doing it from an emotional standpoint so the way i normally say it is that you must move from emotional love to intentional love you must move from what emotional love to what intentional most marriages when they hit anywhere from six months to two years they begin to feel that they married the wrong person they're gonna feel i need a new spouse this is because the opposites then has become apparent so it's not frustrating them what they need to realize is that there was a time those opposites were very attractive so what you need to do is to now move from emotional love to intentional love is emotional love is why they say love is blind because most things that break your marriage existed even before the marriage started it's just that love or emotions you've that euphoric stage makes you not to pay attention to it you're very okay the person that always comes late was coming that's why you were dating you checked it who used to come live you would tell your dad before you were there by six but because you missed him so much he's all i miss you came late but i miss you you even hug him when you marry people have a flight to catch and it's two hours late to frustrate you that's why this love is blind what it means is that when you're in the euphoric stage you are not noticing that both of you are opposites you are naturally complementing each other so what you need to do is now that the euphoric stage has gone because it will go emotions were never meant to control us we were meant to control it so there are usually three phases of every emotion where the emotion is high where it is low when it's high again now the way it works is that when it was high the first time it wasn't your contract it was it's just been high when it goes low it's natural emotions that nobody can be on an emotional high forever now the next thing is that when you start doing some things intentionally to build the emotion it now comes up again the difference is that that first one because you didn't start it it means you can't determine when you go but the second one because you are the one doing something to make it high you can sustain it that is what true love now becomes i don't know if someone's got what i'm saying so when you're dating your wife as a single or your girlfriend a single person because you're trusting her you're naturally being using words oh you're beautiful i love you i like you the moment she agrees you notice that your amount of compliments begins to reduce women what i'm talking about suddenly a guy that calls you morning at night morning at night every day suddenly is busy you see let me tell you even men don't even know why because men are hunters they don't see a need to chase a kill that they've already caught men become incredibly demotivated once they achieve something we are wired that way we are hunters we are gold or project oriented beings so as a man you two even don't know why certainly a woman used to compliment every day used to color monday night when a night there's a fly cancer i can't see some parking lot forget the man talks to this girl one at night the guests say it's not enough it's a long-standing relationship i didn't want to tell them the truth i said this might want to even sustain this thing he won't once you have agreed we have married he doesn't now see the need to pursue again meanwhile he needs to actually learn now to pursue whether he feels like it but many men don't know that so because they don't feel like it anymore he's only busy he suddenly can't even open his mouth you make your hair can't put him outside his hair is fine because for him he's taking it for granted that i never find before after exam five hours suddenly not calling as he used to call if somebody gets what i'm saying because we are hunters so he needs to so the difference is that you have moved from emotional love where it was in your control to intentional love so now you compliment her whether you feel like it or you understand that's a major way to feel her love tank you as a woman also you find out what his own ways of feeling his own love tank is or and you start to intentionally don't come naturally you know every woman is submissive when they are dating yeah one see women let me say that even you two don't know this as a woman because you have a bigger goal let me win every interest and even happens if there are many things radiating lights in this hall but you know the only light you're not seeing the big lights once you switch off these big lights you'll see that other things have light i don't think that's what i'm saying that's how women are wired we want to marry is the big light that others must lie to but she's not even seen it no money she will start under challenger together we don't talk how do you say we don't talk they're not talking we don't talk enough women you are the way your mind is wide if you're not careful that's why men think you are petty that's what many men even avoid their wives because it seems like every time you come up with a new problem because your mind is wired to carry everything together you are giving the gift of details the problem with the gifts of details is that you can become petty because through men in fact a man can if there is a bed all the whole bed can be scattered if there's one line where a man can sleep he will lie down there and sleep i know what everything but woman's mind is where to factor in everything so if she's in a room and there's dirty places it will disturb her mind she needs to arrange everything so she will generally have to deal with being pets so you will learn how to overlook and not complain about every single thing you didn't call me then he calls you say you you didn't spend long enough and it's been long so you would even compliment me in the call you commented him saying but he didn't compliment my hair just compliment my nose may know what i'm talking about when a woman wants to be like when she doesn't understand that she'll be petty she'll she doesn't even feel feel if there's no problem everything's going to smooth yeah why would this one should be smooth like this there was something wrong what are you telling me because she's so wired to see problems so there are generally three phases i'm about to round up there's three phases of emotions and happens to everything not just relationships when you first become born again there's an automatic emotional heart i mean remember when you first came on again you didn't want to stay on this earth anymore this world is not my home i'm just passing by you were floating in the spirit every time you opened the bible god was speaking to you every scripture was a revelation even the bible you open the index you are seeing revelation you don't pray for two minutes and the presence of god will envelope you you were just floating nobody could annoy you after a while there will be a shop going down you'll find that you have read the bible you open half you are zephaniah understanding what you are reading you can't even pray you lift your hands nothing no presence you see you need to not become intentional and learn how to walk with god by faith not by feelings and by time you kick it by faith the feelings will now come back but this time the feelings are not coming just by themselves they come because you have found the way to feel it all the time i don't forget what i'm saying happens with everything you join the church i remember the first time you joined the good church you said i love this church everything about this church cities see the way they come back say oh i will die in this church this is [Music] stay for two months you'll not have seen those rule rushers that's what i've seen those traffic people that are that don't care they're not careful you must have seen other things that are wrong with the church then i don't like this church again so some people at that side they go down the church and they will explain the same thing until they settle down i'm picking the focus on the reason why god put them you there understand that number one god wants me to focus on him not on these people that these people are working progress like me that means i'm not perfect so i can't expect them to be perfect then you get a new stage you start finding department in the church you're not suffering what you have meant to contribute to the church know what you're meant to take from the church the people that would last in church would have come to church not just to receive but to give so the day you come and they don't give you anything but you have to stay good because you have something to give you have a deep deeper stronger meaning to be in that church because where church works some services you can spend millions invite guests to guarantee just to minister to a small set of people that doesn't concern you or you must step in that service and contribute if you don't sing it doesn't matter who they are ministers you're listening to a woman looking forward to the room by your evening you're never married or you already have 13 children but because you have to play the guitar or you have to lead worship it doesn't matter who they are ministering to that day you're going to be in service because you're trying to contribute and i said to them i said didn't bless me you know every you know every day that will bless you some days you are here to bless others it's like pastor pastor doesn't come to be blessed he comes to be a blessed that's why he comes every day not because he's in the mood i don't know about himself he looks hard-working i'm always in the mood some sundays give me i want to just watch tv i don't want to go to trump as a single pastor i never guess what i'm saying it happens outside walk remember my first time you got a job you ironed all your clothes friday finally i've you finally have a job you buy time buy a suit i own your clothes if you can get the first storage here everybody knows the new guy in the office you're overseeing us probably didn't even call you to serve you're trying to solve it after a while office politics resetting bureaucracy was setting mali is resetting envy was sitting people not saying you are doing my service you're doing busy buddy are you the first person you'll not be meeting hiccups then you'll see still you get to a stage where when it's sunday night you say ah this weekend was made in china monday again work again they say most people get heart attacks on sunday nights thinking about going to work but if you're going to find new meaning at that work the time will come you'll be able to overcome those challenges that you don't go but your attitude is what changes your spouse will never fully change is your attitude about this that will change they said over 80 percent of problems in marriage are perpetual that's what the study said i mean it's going to be there this qatar person would never be as organized as an organized person and never be he would they will exchange some strengths yes but he may never change totally somebody get what i'm saying so what are the stages now stage one is what awareness stage two is what acceptance stage three is what i didn't hear that of appreciation yes stage adjustment is that the last one okay i've talked about the fact that lastly they will exchange so today i'm the saver in my house as hard as that is yes i'm the saver in my house i'm going to report you i'm just i'm a strong saver now compared to before the reason she said is that she she doesn't spend on herself but she spends on the kids yes i know the workloads the point is that right now the way i am i can save hundred percent after titan giving at least i don't want to spend anything that's the me before that wants to spend everything somebody get what i'm saying you will now exchange you find that the person that doesn't talk now wants to talk now your quiet wife or husband they can't talk you just have to prove to them that's what that just you say talk you ask them the first time you say nothing they ask them again two hours after they have something in their mind all quiet people are talking and sometimes they have good ideas even as a pastor there are people quieting your church that can help the church they come every day if you just do something like this but nobody asks me they're always talking in their mind so you need to track them down and ask them over and over again sometimes ask them in a different way same question finally they will talk if they know that you really want to listen so but if you're talkative and you're not you're not adjusted you just ask the ones that you continue talking do not they have good ideas i'll save the family they'll help your business everything but you never ask them or you ask them are you you're not answering what you ask them talk about have you met the secretary they ask you questions you finish answering they just they continue answering the question they ask you so if you're talkative you need to adjust learn to keep quiet a bit and let the quiet person talk be a quiet person you need to start talking a bit more those ideas are good sometimes even the idea that my sound foolish is what will connect us to a brilliant idea but you don't talk somebody gets in this and when you exchange you'll find out that marriage can be sweet can be beautiful you now become you know synergize which is what i'll talk about tomorrow why we get married you now synergize you now see the beauty of marriage the strength of marriage will not come out because two people are now walking in sync releasing their strengths so this person's strength is balancing this person's weakness and this person's weakness is balancing this person's strength and they become a strong force and i pray for everyone that will be your testimony that will be your portion in the name of jesus have you been blessed this evening come on give the lord a big

Channel: Kingsley Okonkwo

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Id: ZgG0Yugtlo4

Length: 56min 16sec (3376 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 19 2021