How To Know The One | Kingsley Okonkwo

hi there so welcome to this youtube video and um you know for a while people have been trying to ask me you know how do i really know the one and i totally understand them because i used to be there where maybe you've met someone and um you know some things gel some things don't gel some things seem to be okay some you know seem not to be okay and you you kind of are not sure whether you should whether this is the person or this is not the person whether i should go with this person or not so um i've been thinking about some things and i thought of i've been thinking about how to make this easier for people so i thought of something a way to look at it and i hope it helps and i'll take a few questions when i'm done so um we're looking at today how to know the one how to know the one it's part of what we've been talking about for a while for those of you that follow us on social media instagram and facebook and all that but today i want to do a youtube version of it and all that so basically how to know the one [Music] because of the complexities involved i try to narrow it down to a way to be simple every human being is made up of three parts okay every human is made up of three parts spirit soul and body now this this is what makes up a full human being and you have somebody in your life somebody's around you you you're not sure you want to know if you should go with the flow um divide the three aspects all right you're trying to simplify this so divide the three aspects now in case you're here let me just say this because you're here and um god has spoken to you that this is the person or this is not the person then all these things i'm explaining doesn't really matter to you because you are sure you've heard god so i'm talking to the person that maybe is still in a bit of a you know confusion in a confused place that's the person i'm talking to okay so divide your three um spiritual and body now i believe and these are my opinions for the married to at least have a good chance you should have two over three all right you have two over three going in your direction or going the way you want now there are some people that interestingly have the whole three you know and that's obviously great and that's really means that there's a high chance the marriage will be great all right but two over three minimum i think one over three going your way it's kind of dicey i think it's risky i think it might be straight now it doesn't mean it might never work you know you might build your other ones but you know it just means there's a lot of work to be done okay so spirit soul and body i will start with the most important part to me is your spirit you know your spirit now um what is your spirit is with your spirit you relate with the spiritual world because spiritually but every human being has spiritual and body with the spirit you live with spiritual world with your soul you relate to the mental and emotional world and with your body you relate with the physical world okay so every man has history so the spiritual path so you meet somebody the spiritual part is in terms of what you guys believe it's your spiritual part what do you guys believe in terms of your relationship with god um the values that guide you in terms of spiritual things so um if i meet a lady now for me i would like to know is she a christian that's me i would like to know kristen i would like to know which kind of christian is she then i would like to know what she believes is she really committed to her spiritual well-being all right is she committed how i mean i mean how much does spirituality even we because some people really don't care they don't care about spirituality i believe it's very important because it's a it's actually the core part of you as a human being this is the part of you that will live the longest because this is the part of you that is actually like god when they say we are made in the image and likeness of god we definitely don't resemble god physically because we are all different physically somewhere short some part of someone fashion personally where we really resemble god is spiritually we are we are we are made with the same substance that god is made of and remember the bible says god is a spirit so we too are spirits principally in fact the way somebody said it is that you're a spirit you have a soul and you live in a body so it follows that also shows the level of importance you are principally a spirit you have a soul then you live in a body that shows um you know what other importance so spiritually so um when i met my wife i had to know that she was a christian number one i had to know that she served in church she believed in serving god she i have to also check how committed she was to the word of god you know there are some christians that are christians and the word of god is just a suggestion for them it's just you know a book we read you know this is folk tales it's my book of bible stories just something we read you see but for me i have to know that this person understands that the bible is a final authority that this is how we live our lives this is what controls our spiritual standing number one next point is the soul the soul now the soul consists of your will your emotions your intellect so you are asking the question do we have similar values do we think i mean intellectually let me say this do we like to talk do we enjoy to talk if if i see if something is going on will i be glad to discuss with this person if we sit down and we don't have to touch each other no physical touch of sex and we are not praying together do we have enough to talk about do we have enough do we are we connected do i feel emotionally excited when i see you do i feel we share a mental connection do we do we see values the same way do we have similar social skills do we do we do do we enjoy talking together that's your soul all right now the third one is your body so this is where oh i want this person six feet i want them to be fat i want them to be slim i find them attractive i don't find them attractive but is also important however i believe in the other this is least important so now um spirit soul and body i said at least i feel i feel that you must have two at least going your way some people have the three is great you must have at least two if you have just one my question would be which one is it that you have going right now if it's just body you like in this person and you don't connect mentally and emotionally and intellectually and you don't have similar values spiritually if it's just body i don't think the relationship will work why it's very simple your body alone physical attraction alone cannot sustain a marriage it cannot sustain a long-term relationship i like that somebody said this he says show me very very pretty girl and i will show you a guy that is tired of sleeping with her after somebody said it he said show me a pretty woman and i will also show you a guy that is tired of sleeping and the truth is that you know most of us we've seen in our world we've seen people marry very fine girls and still cheat on them why because physical attraction fades it's just normal man there's nothing you can do about it you know once you you i mean i was i was in a live show today with an ex-stripper an ex-stripper we did we did a recording today he's an american he's a white uh caucasian american he was an exuberant was the biggest stripper in his city before he became born again and he's now a christian and he shared some of these things you see no matter how pretty the girl is you will get tired no matter how handsome the man is you will get tired if these two are not there if it's just body after a while you will start drifting apart because you will get tired of that body so physical alone can never hold a marriage the foundation is never strong and everywhere in scripture to talk about physical attraction or your body um they always contrast it with these two everywhere so you see the bible in places like first peter it will say let your adonis not be the outward adorning of pleating of hair physical beauty of wearing of apparel and earrings fine dressing and fine um jewelry he said let it be the adorning of the inward man of the heart so they were contrasting it to these two um proverbs 31 will tell you beauty is vain charm is deceitful he said a woman that fears the lord she shall be praised so proverbs was contrasting this and this professor emeritus um professor suleiman david you know him um before however he was you understand professor emeritus solomon he surveyed one thousand when he dated and he had one thousand women in his life he married seven hundred dated 300 and at the same time and he surveyed it and he came out with some philosophy some principles he said he said a beautiful woman that doesn't have discretion he says like if i deserve this way and the message translation puts it it says a beautiful face on an empty head a beautiful face on an empty head it's like putting a gold ring in a pig snout now in those bible days um the way you marry someone is by giving them a nose ring it's part of how to do it so if you see in the book of genesis 24 where isaac um where they found wife for isaac when that servant found rebecca one of the first things he did was to give her a gold ring for the nose so so some are saying a beautiful face on an empty head it's like putting a gold drink like marrying a woman that has no i mean i put a gold ring in front of it inside the pig's nose that means it's useless so everywhere in scripture there are many places the bible said though the outward man perishes the other man is dying every day he said the inward man these two is renewed day by day you can get smarter and you can get more spiritual but your body is dying every day this one is dying every day so basically this one can never on its own hold okay so let's remove this one we have two more left we have these two left so um which one is working for you um i have a problem with just this one this this is great this is almost the strongest one almost the strongest one however it cannot also survive alone because it's possible to have a lot of mental connection with someone emotional connection with someone however the real values that drives them as a human being it's not there so i would start with the most important one for me which is the spirit i feel that if you meet a guy so check do we agree here if this guy passes this test and this is a bit easy to pass because you're either a serious christian or you're not it's pretty direct so if the guy passes this test the next question is to say is do we connect do we enjoy each other's company mostly when people tell me things like um there's a guy i like him we connect we're friends i mean there's a guy he's nice he's caring and everything but i'm not attracted to him physically what i ask them is that but are you connected with him emotionally you know what i discovered after many years most times when people are complaining that they don't like somebody physically they also have not connected with him really emotionally and intellectually because it's hard to really connect with someone emotionally intellectually you know and all that and not find them attractive it's hard even if they are not stunning even if they are not models if you really connect here eventually you'll be going to see them as being attractive you begin to like them you will like them enough not to even notice that you didn't like them initially physically so this is this is a major major major part do we connect mentally intellectually you know emotionally do we connect um this is this was actually where i first got attracted to my wife and i think it was also a major part of what made me you know love her or let me say fall in love with her as they say this was the major part you know when this happened that then i checked if this was there because of course it might be difficult to check somebody's respiratory standing in one day so later i take this was there so that made me more confident then she's also very pretty so baseline if you are bothered about this this doesn't matter so much if these two are there to be honest with you if these two are there please go ahead and marry the person this will work out now that what i feel i feel this will work out because i've seen people say oh pastor the guy is not tall the guy is not tall so i asked them have you to tell somebody that i stopped before i said yes where is he you ran away you see body doesn't matter because i i'm on some of my videos i've shared that when you are singing when you're single before the marriage you focus so much on your wants but after the marriage you start to focus on your needs all right for the mind you focus so much on your wants but after they married you focus more on your needs because your needs are the ones that matter most you see before you get married you are interested you you want um a handsome man a a fine man but when you are married you want you need a faithful man you need a faithful man before i get mad you want a rich man a rich man but when you get married you need a caring man because a man can be rich and not care about you so you're more interested in somebody that cares about you than somebody that has a lot of money because you have a loved one i don't care about me i mean begets is rich but he doesn't know me he doesn't care about me so it doesn't matter all right my wife too is rich and she cares about me so that that works well all right so basically uh so that's the point so um i want to take a few questions we'll take from instagram so the point is that i want to know what you think and how i can help paint a clearer picture for you all right so i said it so actually if um the bodies you don't like the person's body do you connect physically i mean you cannot emotionally intellectually i find out that most times they really don't connect emotionally and don't rush into a relationship just because you are lonely or just because it's time you have somebody because it's going to be a long journey if there's no real connection you're going to get worn out so do you do you really connect do you really connect do you have similar spiritual values do you have strong mental and emotional connection if you do this one will be easy so this helps to make a decision if this is not there i think there's a big problem this is a bit easier because for about real christians this is fine it's automatic for real good christians now of course the people that are fake christians or not real christians but i think this is so let's do questions all right [Music] yes so you if somebody said if i have if i if i see a tall guy i'm more prone to think that he's the one um over a short guy that's great but this one of these two if you have a tall guy that doesn't have the fear of god doesn't know god and you guys don't can't talk you guys are not good friends it doesn't matter really whether i stole a shot it doesn't matter what i stole a shot so the question is where are you where are you guys in terms of this too he's tall he's shot great if this is not here you see his height will matter if he's not at home to talk to you he doesn't know god no fear of god no you guys don't connect spiritually also see we're looking at how strong a connection can be the way god wants it you guys should comment remember i said two shall become one you guys are meant to connect in all these three strongly you guys are meant to connect in all these three strongly so rate it for yourself where are you in terms of spiritual connection where in terms of your mental or emotional connection and where are you in terms of physical attraction so where are you in the three ratings and you know so tall or not where is this that's what i want to know where is this [Music] yes that's a major thing because that church you said there's someone that you guys don't agree in terms of church well that church will also determine some of his beliefs that's what you time some of his beliefs so that might become a major challenge in the future so i need you to think about that that might become a major challenge which if you guys don't believe the same things nowadays there's so much there's so much um doctrines going on there are many christians and there are many denominations and they believe different things so you need to find i believe it's better for you to find somebody that you guys have closeness in terms of what you believe if there's a sharp contrast in what you guys believe spiritually that can become a challenge yeah [Music] there's no one person made for you there are many godly options and that's what we're doing this so that you can find other areas you guys can connect there's only there's no one person that is for you in the whole world all right but there are many godly options there's a kind of person not one person but one kind of person i don't know if you understand that yeah [Music] yeah somebody said what if the spirit and the body is there no soul connection i'll be bothered about that because i think this is actually the main one um spiritually um is not really based too much on individuality if we have a good christian most of the christian doctrines are already set if a good christian is simple and clear we don't believe in divorce we live in prayer we believe in tithing we believe in honoring god's servants we believe in going to church so if you're a vegetarian regular christian this should be easy it should be a bit easier for you this is where the challenge is because we can all be christians in the same church and our thinking our general thinking our general exposure is wide apart wide apart so they are christians in the same church but the way they think they see life it's wide apart [Music] since how do you deal with pretense enjoy friendship the key to pretends is be friends for a long time that's why temple don't rush into uh we meet on monday how are you then thursday we are dating i love you i miss you i kiss you don't do that like that meet somebody get to know them on a neutral level if they are trying to be too aggressive in terms of relationships no no i'm not ready for that let us be friends let's talk you see when you put the relationship aside you get to see the person a bit more you get to see the time is the master of deception so allow friendship allow time i've counseled many people and i tell them remove relations from the table you know what the guy's intentions are if the guy really likes you enjoys your company he won't be he won't be in a hurry to sleep with you he will be hurry to say let's let's daddy no no let's talk i enjoy talking to you so it allows so time is the master of presence time helps pretends all right be friends and um give it some time all right so i just wanted to run through this to see if it could help you to know how to connect check where you guys connect spiritually check where you guys connect mentally and emotionally intellectually do you guys talk are you friends can you share similar values do you guys have enough to talk about do you see things you know largely in the same way the same kind of way that's why if you notice um some rich people don't like their kids marrying poor people that's why they do that they i'm that they're just not this you know it's not not just about discrimination what they're bothered about is here because if you grow in a very rich home your thinking will be largely different from the person that is an average person or a poor person if you're very rich from a very rich home i want to marry somebody depends if the person is not rich like you the person will be incredibly flexible mentally if they are not flexible mentally you guys have a lot of clash i'll use examples um for a rich person going on vacation is not luxurious normal for a poor person they've no they can't even imagine it that you you you work for the whole year and take your whole year's income and go for vacation there's a very problem in fact from planning the wedding there will be a crisis already because how the rich person want to do the wedding it's not how the average guy or the poor guy want to do it so deliver this that can work is if the average class or the or the poorer person is very flexible mentally can think big can flex can can also imagine where the rich people are coming from so that's a rich we don't like other drama just one there so they like to reach people to marry because we just talk on the same level alright so do we connect do we connect all right so i hope this was helpful thank you don't forget share subscribe do everything possible and see you next time you

Channel: Kingsley Okonkwo

Views: 279,291

Rating: 4.9416027 out of 5

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Id: -sjfBnjAF2I

Length: 19min 55sec (1195 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 21 2020