How to Know if You Should Keep Trying with Him (Matthew Hussey)

so last week i ended with the conclusion on a bunch of terms like ghosting zombies haunting that they all just represented low investment and therefore were all indicative of a central problem which was that we tend to invest in people based on how much we like them not based on how much they are investing in us and i've said this ad nauseam over the course of the last decade of my life the people that follow me a lot will be able to repeat this phrase easily because i say it so much invest in those who invest in you don't invest in someone based on how much you like them but there is a challenge to this that i think is interesting because it adds a little nuance someone could easily say but matthew and by the way someone did say this i was on a podcast with lisa biliu on her women of impact podcast i am not a woman of impact but i graciously was allowed to come on the podcast as an honorary male she said to me upon hearing this i love that but doesn't that get you into a kind of standoff with someone where you're both holding your gun getting waiting for the other person to draw before you do anything can it lead to a situation where relationships are simply transactions where you wait for somebody else to invest before you do anything at all this is where a principal comes in to temper this idea we have to invest and then test this is something a phrase that my brother stephen hussey who writes for our website how to get the guy dot com coined [Music] invest then test in other words give a little and then see if they move a little to meet you where you are i think about this from the first moment you meet someone you know you see someone in a coffee shop it's like you both maybe you both are attracted you both want to talk to each other one person at some point has got to make it easier on both of you right someone has to take responsibility for making it a bit easier so what happens maybe one person goes and sits close to that person right i know we live in a world now where the idea of going and sitting close to someone seems like a thing of the past what an anachronism but let's just take the concept in in we have to be able to talk about normal things sometimes my god if not only to illustrate a point you go sit somewhat close to that person that person oh there's a person i was making eye contact with is now sitting kind of close to me now one person says you're right you know i like that what you've ordered there looks delicious and then no it is delicious i've had it before how are you what's your name now you've got a conversation that's happening because both people they put in a little bit put in a little bit sometimes in the beginning one person has to overcome another person's shyness and do something a bit more drastic go over and just start talking to them because this person is never going to come over of their own volition that happens at that stage then there's the later stages of okay when we're in the texting phase i need to look and see as jameson and i have talked about previously in a video am i in the blue we text all the time sami the colours look at the colours you're in the blue mate when i send them meaty messages where i actually say things do they send me quick one word or three word answers that's a form of taking a leap of faith that well i like someone so i'm gonna let them know about it and i'm going to see how they respond but then actually paying attention to the response is the investment equal or do you always feel like you're the one investing a lot more than that person is invest then test i don't mean test in the manipulative game playing sense simply measure like what's the reaction in dating in general i think one of the big problems is we don't do enough communicating but we do too much chasing communicating is letting someone know that you like them i find you attractive i'd love to hang out sometime i'd like we should go for a coffee or i'm i'm i'm into you you know i i like something about you or you look cute in that that top or whatever that's communicating what i'm doing there is showing that i like you chasing is when you continue to invest in someone you continue to keep chasing them to keep giving them energy long after the point of having already communicated that you like them and without the equivalent return of attention of interaction from them that's chasing i'm a huge proponent of communicating and someone who's trying to stop people from chasing when i say invest in who invests in you it's not about always waiting for someone else to make the first move investing a little bit so that someone knows where you stand so that someone knows that you like them so that someone knows you're open to a date so that someone knows that you'd like to see them for a second date so that someone knows that you find them attractive sexy appealing as a human being that's brave that's vulnerable that's courageous chasing someone is a sign of low self-worth losing our own self-respect and having put someone on a pedestal and i say put someone on a pedestal because how can someone be so great that you continue to chase them when they're not giving you that back no one can be that great because greatness someone who's great for a relationship with you doesn't just come in the form of someone who's got great qualities it comes in the form of someone who represents a great energy in your life represents a great investment in you as a human being you can't have one without the other you can't have someone who's great for a relationship but doesn't invest so chasing is chasing someone who you admire who you think is great but someone who ultimately is not actually investing in building something with you invest a little so that you can test whether you get anything back and only continue to invest in those who invest in you you

Channel: Matthew Hussey

Views: 942,933

Rating: 4.9682279 out of 5

Keywords: Matthew Hussey, Matt Hussey, Get The Guy, How to Get the Guy, Dating Advice for Women, attract men, keep your man, dating coach, relationship coach, relationship tips, what men want, make him like you, make him love you, how to talk to men, how to attract men, meet men, get the guy, tips for women, flirting tips, texting, calling, love advice, relationships, matt hussey, matthew hussy, mathew hussey, how to flirt, does he like me, how to tell if a guy is interested in you

Id: KpUSiNjLlJ8

Length: 6min 42sec (402 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 07 2020