You’ll Push Him Away if You Try Too Hard. Do This Instead - (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

[Music] hi everyone Matthew Hussey here with love life we have another caller on the line her name is Sarah Sarah are you there yes I am hi Sarah how are you I am wonderful I think you're absolutely amazing this is so cool that I actually get to talk to you it's really it's cool for me too you know especially when someone starts there's such a wonderful level of energy what's your question okay so um I've just been seeing this guy for about a month and a half now initially we kind of hit it off we got along really really well kind of in my mind he's like my dream guy in person I mean you just kind of checked everything off for me what it kind of started to take a turn for the worst was when I had told him beforehand well I'm gonna be gone for about a week I'm getting some work with a huge retreat for church I'm a big church girl so so I said I'm not gonna really be able to talk to you too much I will try to whenever I can so I'm that week I was gonna be able to call him like once or twice and when I talked to him he was same as usual was saying all kinds of wonderful three things to me telling me how much he missed me but it felt like once I got back not that our conversations changed but it's too much he kind of started pulling away a little bit and I'm not entirely sure why I mean whenever we talk it's it's great I mean we coefficients on changes a lot of laughs there's a lot of joking around a little bit of flirtiness but a Jesus doesn't really talk to me as much so I'm not really sure how to really grab his attention again so I'll tell you I'll tell you one thing that's changed over the course of that month and a half is you've got to like him more and more and more right yeah and to the extent that in your mind somewhere in there you're saying this could be my dream guy yeah now I'm gonna ask you a couple of logical questions could he possibly have shown you enough about himself for you to know that he could be that great guy that their hands in person for you I don't know actually I'm thinking about I mean I guess I haven't really seen every side of him yet have you seen the side of him that's dated you for three months now or the side of him that's been in a relationship with you for a year Oh what you're feeling is a real feeling but what it's based on isn't necessarily real now I'm not saying he doesn't have marvelous qualities because he could be an incredible gentleman for all I know but I also know that for you to be feeling this way this soon might be getting ahead of yourself now there's another thing here when I was younger the mistake I always made was I started liking a girl and then I would try really hard to impress them I would do everything I could to get them to like me but here was the problem the whole time I was worrying about whether they liked me and I was analyzing what's going on do they like me do they not I was I was always measuring in benchmarks but they well they said yes to seeing me this weekend so maybe they do like me and then I would try and fit into their idea of what I think they would want me to be and try and be that instead of just being me and having fun all of it started to stunt my personality around that person and one of the most frustrating things that I experienced growing up was that there were there were girls that I wasn't attracted to that I was completely silly and and myself around and didn't care and those girls always liked me I would I would get so much attraction from those girls because they would start saying like I I like you I really liked you I think you're an amazing guy and I would say this is so annoying because I want your friend and you're the one who really likes me was the difference why can't your friend have your taste in guys but of course they didn't necessarily have different tastes is that they were seeing different versions of me and what I'd be afraid of for you is that this guy that you like sees a different version of you because you really want him to like you obviously you're spending time analyzing what you can do differently how you can get him to like you or how you can reignite that interest and what I would say to you is what would you be doing right now if you had a hundred better things to do with your time if you have a ton of 100 better doing almost all the same absolutely you'd be doing all of those things and that would make you really attractive I actually think what you did in the first week when you said listen I got to go away for a week and I've got to do that you know we may only speak it once or twice in that week or that thing you did there was really attractive because what you were saying was I have my own stuff I got to take care of I like you I want to talk to you but I have to take care of this stuff that's a very attractive thing that you did and I want you to carry on in that vein because I can't guarantee that this guy is going to get attracted to you what I can guarantee is if you start behaving like you have better things to do than to worry about whether he likes you then you have the best possible chance of him liking you because as long as you're in that mindset of trying to impress him of trying to figure out what he wants it's almost like you're you're making yourself lower value than he is and he's not better at than you so don't put him on that pedestal and understand that if he's not into you right now no amount of trying is gonna change that but what you can do is focus on you upgrading your your yourself your life continuing to do the things that you're passionate about and letting him see that side of you because there's nothing sexier than someone who doesn't care ultimately whether you like them or not there is nothing sexier than that now I'm not saying that you don't like him but you liking him has nothing to do with you caring about whether he likes you does that make sense I you know what's funny I have them I have idols that I've really people I've really looked up to and some of them famous some of them I've never met and what's funny is for some of them I know that if they met me that I was joking about this with a friend the other day I know that one in ticular wouldn't like me I was like I know if he met me I'd really don't think he liked me and but it doesn't matter he's still a hero of mine I still love him to pieces but I know that he probably wouldn't like me because we're so different and he's just not someone who likes people like me I'm okay with that I'm okay with saying I like this person and I don't give a crap whether he likes me or not I I like you regardless and that's that's cool and you can feel the same way about this guy and not care whether he likes you back and say there's a ton of other guys out there the one who's actually right for me is gonna want me as much as I want him so that's really what I'm searching for but it doesn't stop me from liking you in the process that level of distance and detachment will make this guy pay far more attention than asking what you can do to get him to pay more attention does that make sense yes that makes perfect sense see and this is I think you're absolutely amazing well thank you you've been so delightful to have on the phone and it's such a wonderful energy I've never ever ever lose that there are so many people that I speak to that when I first start speaking to them their energy is a thousand times lower than yours and you can see that they already have this kind of defeated way about them and you have this beautiful sprightly energetic way about you don't lose that okay thank you you're very welcome Sarah look after yourself will speak soon I hope all right bye bye if you have a question for love life call in like Sarah did on eight four four two zero four six two double eight that's eight four four two zero for Matt I'll speak to you soon [Music] you

Channel: Matthew Hussey

Views: 4,167,783

Keywords: how to keep him interested, get him to like you, don't push him away, does he like me, matthew hussey, matt hussey, iheart, iheart radio, get the guy, how to get the guy, dating advice, relationship advice, love life, love life advice, hussey, love advice, mathew hussey, matthew hussy, what to do when he pulls away, you'll push him away if you try too hard, matthew hussey unrequited love, how to get a guy back that pushed you away, how to make him chase you, what men want

Id: Gn9LrIC10k8

Length: 8min 28sec (508 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 19 2014