How Do You Subtly Mess With People? (r/AskReddit)

how do you subtly frick with people I worked the graveyard shift at a gas station and when stoners came in I'd greet them by saying how high are you with the same tone and inflection as hi how are you they'd get halfway down the candy aisle and turn back to look at me questioning if they'd heard me right or they're just really high who else had to practice out loud a few times saying this when my dad was a mechanic people would come in and describe a noise their car is making its kind going revile the scream my dad would close his eyes and make them repeat the noise over and over while listening intently saying keep it up I think I almost got it until they are basically out of breath from all this weird sound and gibber ish coming out of their mouths I change the temperature reading on my fridge from Fahrenheit to Celsius my dad turns it back to Fahrenheit neither of us have caught the other doing it and we've never discussed it it's been going on for over five years I've mentioned this before but every now and then I'll greet seemingly chilled our guests I'm a bartender by saying how you Frick's doing today when they asked me what in shocked confusion I say I said how you folks doing today my uncle is a car salesman and taught me this gives me a little joy when it's a tough shift I have a friend who was convinced someone was stealing their pencil lead I was so I put things like pencil mechanic pencil pencil led at the bottom of emails in white text so that Google BOTS would target their ads to be about mechanical pencil led he freaked out thinking it was some conspiracy to get into pilot genius I'm a teacher I have one chapter test where all of the answers are see it's my favorite test watching the students slowly look around in fear confusion I think I've told this before but if you wanted up your game give them a put these events in chronological order kind of thing where they number them 110 but put them in chronological order already I had a history professor do it to us freak me up so badly I used to have CCTV monitors in my office at a pretty large store so I would call different departments and hang up right before they picked up the phone and call them back as soon as they turned around after a few tries they would stand and wait for the phone to ring again but I'd wait until the exact second they turned around nobody ever found out who it was easily the best entertainment ever hey there's something different about you today I like it I tried this once she took it as a genuine compliment because no one else had noticed and now I'm married when someone sneezes I tell them to shut up and they almost always reply thank you because they are so used other people saying bless you I work in pathology and I spend most of most of my day dictating into a microphone I keep myself entertained by messing with the ladies and transcription in myriad ways one thing I like to do is pick a random word and slightly mispronounced it all day just to mess with their heads one time we received a tube of chapstick a small tube of toothpaste and bottle of skin lotion that dia had taken out of someone's butt not sure if they were kinky or just mentally ill after I dictated that case and described the items I went to the gift shop and bought the same items and then left them on their desk with a note that said no need for these to go to waste they were confused they had used the hand lotion by the time they listened to the dictation I could hear them shout from down the hall also since I recite a lot of case numbers any time a number happens to have 666 in it I will immediately say mark of the beast and use my phone to play an evil laugh and sounds from Herrick on Halloween I taught myself how to say a couple of sentences backward and then recorded it and played it backwards into the microphone that one freaked them out a bit if there is ever a really good joke on our jokes I will end my dictation for the day by telling the joke to them I also like to do prank calls I'm the peanut butter jelly guy simply introduced myself to a group of people as different names and watch as one forgets my name and asks his friends what my name is to get half a dozen different ones works a treat with drunks waving at strangers try saying I love you for maximum awkward when I'm on a waiting list at a restaurant I always put the name down as Papa about half the people kind of hesitate or look at you weird play it straight and just spell it out if that happens when you're called over the loudspeaker it sounds like they're stuttering Parkin party of four you can also do weird funny names that are just barely believable table photo I slightly rearranged the stuff on the fridge when I go to people's houses sometimes I'll leave things where they are but turn everything 180 degrees when someone I know calls me I answer with hello may I please speak to callers name I have a lazy eye and can make it look forward or read my nose at will without my glasses so naturally I love to meet new people and after a small amount of time clean the glasses while having a conversation all the while moving my eye back and forth watching them try their damnedest not to say anything lol holy flick that mean just throw in a random little wink when you're in mid conversation anytime I am saying goodbye I will genuinely tell them see you tomorrow it always stops people in their tracks trying to figure out if they forgot something really important to where they would see me I like to bring snacks to work on April Fool's Day usually I'll pick something cream-filled like doughnuts or cupcakes I've done this for over 10 years at my current job it makes everyone suspicious and straight up messes with their minds trying to figure out what I've done to the snacks next time ratchet your game up another notch bring a large box of cream filled doughnuts and an almost empty jar of mayo and leave the Mayo jar close by but make it look like you tried to hide or dispose of it then just eat all the doughnuts yourself one by one as people watch you suspiciously at any drive-through Wendy's McDonald's Tim Hortons whatever I always finish my order with okay thank ilove you and then drive up to pick up my meal always puts a smile on people's faces welcome to Costco love you get or extra wireless USB keyboard at your job and plug the dongle into a victim's computer then just a few times per day type a couple of letters on the keyboard from afar give them a ctrl-alt-del etc they'll lose their mind source had it done to me FML I would just keep hitting caps lock my officemate and I have the same stapler when mine runs out of staples instead of reloading it I just switch them it's quicker to switch to your side stapler than it is to reload I have a pretty good memory when it comes to stories that my friends have told me so I like to retell their own story to them a year or two later now starring myself and see how long it takes for them to catch on they start off with a look although man I can tell a similar story as soon as the ends is then it turns into a look of wait that's my frickin story I have a pretty good memory when it comes to stories that my friends have told me so I like to retell their own story to them five or six hours later now starring myself and see how long it takes for them to catch on they start off with a look of oh man I can tell a similar story as soon as the ends is then it turns into a look of wait that's my frickin story say common things just barely wrong to where you know they notice but won't correct you Game of the Thrones snapchat Las Vegas my mom has called it the glove department my entire life still not sure if she's freaking with me I pretend I don't know really obvious references or concepts people tend to get upset when they realize after their explanation I like to fill empty Altoids boxes with tic tacs and then leave them on my desk the look of utter confusion on people's faces is worth the effort I had someone offer me an alt I'd turned out to be a small piece of chalk I can still remember the taste and the residue it left in my mouth I slowly poke my head around corners my cat would loo love you a buddy of mine will randomly wish me happy birthday on facebook when it's not my birthday so then a bunch of other people will wish me a happy birthday and I have to explain it's not my birthday this sucker does it every year a couple of weeks ago he posted on my wall congratulations man I knew you'd land that opportunity so proud of you that followed by a couple dozen people asking me what I had accomplished I have a friend who every single time the family goes to a restaurant it's her birthday a free cake and singing every single time you know those six button combination door locks I used to press one every time I walked by my boss office every time he tried to get in it would take two attempts every time I tried to get in it took one because I knew there was a button pressed he has me changed the lock twice and never figured out what was going on you son of a B this is only to my bosses but when I know I'm due for a raise promotion and they tell me they don't have budget I need to wait a while I stopped wearing suits to work but not every day but maybe once a week maybe twice skip a few repeat in a room full of people turn off the lights and stop singing happy birthday when everyone joins in unison sneak away if someone is trying to remember part of a name I like to complete it for them but with some random part of a name usually the person accepts it for a second or two and then realizes what I've done then the actor from Breaking Bad you know Braun me May them yeah Wade no that's not right unless it is something I genuinely would never want I say yes to everything someone is clearly only asking out of courtesy would you like a water me yes I would love a water I've noticed almost everyone answers no thanks where I live so I always say yes and make people provide me what they offer when I'm sat near someone who keeps vibrating their leg and it's distracting me I start making clicking noises in time with it usually by flicking a nail against the other on a hidden hand I pay close attention to the intensity and frequency of their oscillating limb and match the clicks to it usually they stop and start again a couple of times assuming they're the cause of the clicking doesn't take long for them to stop after this you mother brilliant every time I hear the clicking I stop now I'm just gonna keep going when you're having a conversation and the person stops talking just stare at them in the eyes and they will be compelled to continue talking subconsciously idk why it works I'm not a psychologist but it's pretty funny when it works I do this while performing interviews I end up hearing learning a lot about them I have a good knock-knock joke but you have to start it knock-knock I make references to famous people who don't exist and talk as if they're a regular Steven Johnson banks always fun to see how far a person will go to avoid seeming out of the loop you're the regimen grumbled of obscure references when going to dinner parties I sometimes bring a framed picture of myself and place it with the hosts family photos if anyone asks why my photo is there I make up a crazy story about how my life was saved by the host and let it spread for a bit or until the end of the night lol I want to believe the picture is of yourself making the double finger guns pose slow down the speed of my co-workers mouse pointer throughout the day make up a hobby skill for your friend over a period of weeks or months nonchalantly describe your friends aptitude at this skill to your common friends or colleagues if you pick something general enough your friend will encounter lots of questions and it might snowball examples Dan is a very good artist he painted this for me show them a picture of some art someone else painted did you hear dan won an award for his artistic skills dan is actually a really good singer he sung in the state championships last summer did you know Margot fixes watches bonus points if you pick someone you only vaguely know then you can deny starting the rumor and blame someone that knows him even better I've been moving my co-workers desk a little bit every couple of days after he leaves started against the wall and now it's a solid eight inches away pretty soon it'll be in the doorway and he hasn't said anything yet I like to describe a specific movie at length claiming I can't remember the name then when they give me the name I go now I don't think that's it and suggest a different movie well well well welcome to my new hobby in public places like malls or grocery stores I nonchalantly thank random people I say hey I saw what you did back there and I just want to say thanks that was great most people don't appreciate little things like that anymore but I do then walk away bonus points if you pat them on the back I knew a friend that did this once because he lost a bet and went I just want to thank you and awkwardly handed him $5.00 and walked away whenever a person shows you or posts online a picture of their new tattoo that has words in the design just say dang forgot to double check the spelling huh I face the opposite way of everyone on elevators I bet you're wondering why I gathered you all here today I like to make small spelling mistakes in my sentences I hope you just intentionally flicked with me or I'm stupid you have been visited by the wind who's our papa in your darkest hour when you're under siege and the battle seems lost he will arrive and save you if you comment keep fighting Papa if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people you [Music]

Channel: Updoot

Views: 353,312

Rating: 4.9373574 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, how to, reddit how to, askreddit best posts, asreddit top posts, askreddit funny, reddit funny

Id: tLHIEAQVR2g

Length: 14min 43sec (883 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 30 2019