*wapoosh* Top of the morning to ya ladies! My name is Jacksepticeye and welcome to a game called "The Slater." This is something that I was just farting around on steam, looking for stuff to play- Haha, as I do. Classic me. And I came across this game, it's brand new and it was... It looks like a first-person hitman game, which I am all about. I love the hitman games. So a first-person version of that, where I get to play as like... Bruce Willis Jason Statham here. Oh yeah, and when he smoking his cigarette he's doing the old So, I don't think it's that long. I don't think it's a huge game or anything like that, but... If I can sneak around in the first person and shoot people in the back of the head then why not? Why am I looking through digital vision? Why is everything green and red and glitchy weirdness? Is that me? Is that The Slater? Is that the big balls of steel man that I want to play as? *chuckles* *chuckles* What- What is happening? Who was that? *thunder* Oh hell yes. This is like a cheesy 80s movie and I'm living for it. Nice eyelashes. Do you have a strong itch to kill the Meg? What is happening? Or Butt News as we call it. Whenever I have sex I get D-pain as well. "Goodcigs" *laughs* T-Pain's brother. Okay. *imitates smoking* They call him The Janitor. David Hoffman BUTT News. Ok, so- Oh yes! *low-pitched voice* The Slater This is so cheesy and I fucking love it. *ominous bass sound effect* *in game* "Mark, I've got a new lead. Get ready for your next assignment." Maybe he was just trying to say marks later. *low-pitched voice* Marks later. Mad Marco's, ok, I'm gonna get mad at Marco's. That's where all the lads go. There he is. The man with the iron boot of justice. The man with the largest testicles in existence. Mark Slater. *chuckles* They got you like max power.
*in game* "Ok, Mark. This is a breakthrough, a major step in finding a D-pain source."
J: Oh, god. *in game* "A private gang meeting is taking place in Mad Marko's bar tonight. The gang is linked to narcotics-" J: Ok, cool. Cool. I don't care about any of that. I just want to play. Alright, do I have to go in here to escape and shit? Oh, top secret, I'm not allowed. No. Alright. Ah! Well, I'm locked in here now, I can't go any further. So to kill these two dudes... Big Dee and The Ink *chuckles* Big dee-pain. *laughs* And then I have to get out. Okay. Got it. I can do that. That's no problem. This is fun! Ok... *in game* "Hold it."
J: Yes, master. Continue along the road. Ok. I'm holding it. Wow, it's really nice the twins are finding work, you know... That you guys are able to find work together, doing the same job as each other. Also, what is that picture? Sorry, no kids. You must be 21. Why is- why is the font for 'no kids' different than the other one? Why is the other one look like Comic Sans? Looks like you're gonna grab your dick every time you do that as well, ok. Oh, through the dirty, stinky alleys Mark Slater must go. The Slater will not be held back. The Slater knows what he has to do. Enemies can carry useful items and be killed when isolated. If a dead body is found, guards will raise an alarm. Ok. So basically what you're saying is every single other game ever. Choke the D-pain junkie. Choke the D-pain out of them. Ok, easy sleepy nighty snoozy snooze! Oh, fuc- Stealthy. *chuckles* Wait, there's somebody else dead here. Oh my God. Why did you have to go and kill me bud? I was just having a good time. I just got piss all over me. That's fine. This dude is dead as well, though. Ok, lift body. Ohhhhh, big baby. Oh, you just holding it like this Holding it like a sack of potatoes. Ok. Can I put you in the dumpster? Please tell me I can dump your body. Yes. Hide body. Did I- did I jump in there with him? Ok, we gotta jump, jump the gap. Ahhh. Slater parkour! Hell yeah. I'm the fucking greatest. Alright, into the vent we go. Like Batman. Di di di dy dy dy dy sneaking dydydy- OK, don't let enemies see you in a restricted area without- Ok. Yeah, I get it. It's hitman. Select handgun. Oh. Yes. PUT 'EM UP! DOWN ON THE GROUND! Ohhhh, you never shoot a man when he's pissing. That's uncool- Wait... How did you manage to put your dick away before that? Ah, I'm wearing the right clothes. That is a fucking package. Ohh noo! He's pissing blood! *laughs* Yes! Greatest game! This is amazing. Ok, now pick you up and put you down, oh God your ketchup is all over the wall. Oh God, that's a little close. Why does it do that? Can I take a piss? Okay, whatever. Moving on. Wait am I gonna get caught with the gun in my hand? Don't pull your gun out when someone sees you. Ok, can I put it away? Can I- Can I- Ok, let's select unarmed. There we go. *gasp* Mad Dick's. Mad Dick's would be a place with D-pain. Yes! *guitar music* Free Bird! Play Pinball Wizard! Yeah, are you sure you're actually able to play that guitar? It doesn't look like your head should go that way but... Oh God, start choking people right here. What's up fellas? How's it going? My god, you all look like the same person just slightly different. It's like, yo bro, what you wearing tonight? It's like, I'm wearing this. Dude, can I wear the same? It's like yeah, sure, but just change it up a little. Oh my God, you guys look like- You look like aliens. Alright, follow Lex 'The Ink Ryder'. Follow Lex 'The Ink' Ryder. Ok. I don't know where he is. Can I figure it out? Can I-? Hello? *metal music playing* METAL!!! Damn it! Ok, don't worry about me. I'll find another way in, you guys just keep rocking the fuck out, ok? Keep on rocking in the free world. Use keycard. I don't have a keycard. Ok, maybe you have to go back this way. Alright. This isn't too tricky. I can figure it out. There's only one other place I can go, really, which is down here. Certificate of selling alcohol. Mad Dick's. Hey bud. Fuck. I'm supposed to choke you. You've keycard. Damn it! I need you to come back sir. Dude, you gotta come quick! Someone took a shit in the back wall! I'm- I'm just- Yeah, it's over here, watch, no- Come this way. Yeah. Ok. I'm gonna show you where it is, alright, you come down here, you take a hard right, ok? A 90-degree angle right and then you come down in here. *quietly* I'm just gonna hide right here. He's never gonna knoooooow. Come on in fella. Come on in. And welcome to... YOUR DEATH! There I got him. Alright, I'm gonna change my clothes to yours... And I would take your keyca- *giggles* Nobody looks like they're sad to be dead or that they're actually dead. They just looked like you- they've been mildly inconvenienced. It's like oh, man.... I still- I was gonna have chicken tonight, and you came killed me. Why you got to do that? I'm sorry, man, that's the way it is. Oh now we got a look at your face up close. Like oh, man... Now I'm in the closet. I don't want to be in here, it smells. It smells like dead body. *sniffs* Oh wait, that's me. Perfect. Ha ha! My plan- Wait, wait. I could tune into the metal right here. Down here, there's something weird sort of like fly music being played. Wait, there's a guy in here. Shhhh. *whispers* It's all so quiet.... *sexy tunes* Buddy! *laughs* Oh, man I was just trying to have a shower... Wait! Why're you showering in your underwear?! *chuckles* Who- Who does that? You guys shower in your underwear? No, you don't 'cause you got to clean out what's in there. It's probably one of the places that you have to clean the most, haven't your underwear on defeats the purpose. Alright. This is a POA right here. All employees: access code to warehouse has changed. New access: 144 One four four. Dee diddly dee Perfect! Oh no, this is a restricted area guys! What am I gonna do with the no bad guys that are around?! It's simple. We kill the Batman. Ok, we have to wait for him to finish the phone call. *in game* "Oh go ahead. What are you waiting for?" J: What am I waiting for? *in game* "I told you, I'll get the job done." J: I- What am I waiting for?! Fuck you! That's what I'm waiting for, huh?! Shit, I didn't think that through, did I? Pick a briefcase. Ok, I needed that. That was important. Ugh. I like- I like the idea of a character who's like a killer... But he hates killing people. It's like I have to do it. For my dad! And then when you shoot somebody he's like *gags* I'm okay. I'm okay. Oh God, I didn't know when I shot him in the head the bits of it will gonna go everywhere. That's not what it's like in the movies. Oh, I hate blood. I hate- *gags* I'm okay. Everything's fine. *gags* I'm actually gonna make myself puke in real life. Eh. 'Better one foot in NATO that cold ass in Siberia. Real friends. Real bourbon!' *laughs* Oh, hell yeah! *giggles* Fucking so stupid. Oh ughhh. *singing* Drinking like a star, feeling like a winner. I drink Starlike, yeah. *whispers* Starlike... It's the beer that the people drink. That's my commercial for a fake beer. Um, did I get the briefcase? Yes. Okay. I have the briefcase. I'm hiding it in my ass somewhere, apparently. Alright. The blood is on my hands. There's no going back now. We're in it. Really want that key card. Alright, so the other guy is down here... So I have to go down, bleep bleep... Maybe I can go through this door. Uuu! That's pretty cool. The striptease's going on. I don't know man, the dude in the shower had a nicer ass and he's dead now, so what does that say? You guys having fun? I would choke you, but that's probably what you're into when you're watching this. Sup Stephanie, yeah. Give me scotch on the rocks. I can't drink too much 'cause I'm driving. 'If you're drinking to forget, please pay in advance.' You know, that's actually solid advice. Alright, there's another thing down here that I can get. What else is going on in here? What's this? Breaker, breaker. Ok. Perfecto. We need to disable this and then maybe some of these guys will come over and I can go in here or go over there. He he he. *in game* "Motherfucking electricity." J: Motherfucking electricity. *in game* "-turn up a backup generator." Uuu, maybe I can kill him. He's a good ventriloquist. He was saying all of that without moving his mouth. Nobody else coming in, huh? No, me and Tony are gonna have a word here. Yeah, somewhere in there the electronics are br- Die! Son of a- Sneaky, stealthy, they never suspected a thing. Alright. Pick up security keycard. Nice. That's the one I'm missing. You gotta take his little earpiece though. Take his earpiece and you can see everything. oh, Go- ugh! *with accent* Hello friends. It is me your other friend Tony. Remember how I went in there to fix breaker and now it fixed? Anyway here I go... *in game* "You ok?" J with accent: I do good. How are you? Nice bold head, can see reflection in skull. Alright. See you later fellas. Alright, sneaky stealthy, no problem. *in game* "The boss is busy. Hold it no entrance." J: Boy, he's busy, hold it, no entrance. You can't go in there, stop right there. I'm sorry, ok? Oh, pick up ammo. Can I shoot him through here? *voices in game* It's what I said. When I smoke coke- blow when I snort- Mamammamama Ok, that dude is fucked! Alright, I'm gonna go through here.... Do not enter the room or Marco- Shoot Marco Deahler through the window. OH! That's all I gotta do? Hi! Yeah, bitch! That's how I do it. That's how I do my business. Alright, we're gonna put him in the closet because nobody can find his dead bo- I mean, he's fine. He's alive and- UgH *gags* *in game* "-hot K U N T and now a word from our sponsors-" J: Your hotline is HOT-KUNT? Can't you see I'm on the phone, bitch? Alright, that's cool. I'm uh I'ma just slink away. Everything is exactly how it was. I think the boss is sick. He said something like oh, oh I'm dying. And then he fell over and died. So... I think there's something wrong with him. You might want to go check him out. Did I- Ok. There we go. I thought I fucked it up. Alright, time to get back out! Get to the car. No problem. I can do this. I've come this far, I can get to the car. You know, Arnold said get to the chopper. This is my equivalent, ok? Yes, good music, Free Bird! Wait, I think I'm forgetting something YEAH METAL! Great lads. Thanks for the private party. It was fantastic. I had... a murderous tim- Great time. Bye! *chuckles* Ok, there we go. Oh, hell, yeah! Mark Slater- Is that his name? The Slater got away with it all and nobody suspected a thing. Just walking out with the boss's briefcase being like He gave it to me. It's a gift. I'm getting married next week. Oh no The bad guy was Stephen Hawking all along. Oh wait, no, that's not him. *laughs* I don't think that was as suspenseful and awesome as you guys think it is. What do you got? *laughs* That fucking face! She looked like a blow up doll. Mmmmaa yepepepep He's also wearing my flat cap. Top of the morning to you. Oh yes! It's like watching Team America. Oh, this is sooo good. This is so good! Ok well, I'm gonna leave this episode here, we got through one level we found a source of the D-pain and now we're moving on into it. It really is a lot like hitman. It's a little a little more linear. There doesn't seem to be many ways of doing things, it's just like go in do this thing, do this thing, kill the guy, get out... But it's fun! I like it. I like how cheesy it is and I really hope that it's self-aware about it. If not, who cares? It's still awesome, but for now... Thank you guys so much for watching this episode! If you liked it... Punch that like button in the face! LIKE A BOSS! And high fives all around *wapoosh* *wapoosh* But thank you guys and I will see all you dudes... In the next video! Excuse me. Has anyone seen my voice? It seems to have gone missing.
