*WHAPSH*, Top of the morning to you laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome back to Hitman. We're in Bangkok this time. Err, what's the capital of Thailand? BANGKOK! (Laughs) That's a game people play with each other where they ask a question, and then punch you in the ball sack, which is not a fun game in hindsight. This is really cool looking though. Bangkok is an absolutely gorgeous place. But it's not gonna be, well, it's gonna be beautily murder in a minute. Also this game just runs like ass when I have Bandicam running. I apologize. I wish it ran better but, fuck. And also, that's a penis tower in the background. All righty! What are we here to do? Who are we here to murder? Everybody? Fair enough! Our murder dude is like right there! Can I just walk right in? Is that all you're gonna fucking tell me? Don't go nattering in me ear, if you're gonna do something. Who else is talking? Shut up! -_- OK, I'm leaving! Those guys are talking fucking lawyer speak. I don't speak that gooba-gabba wabba, err, OBJECTION! That's what I say. I'm sorry ma'am. Sometimes on this bald head of mine, the light reflects off it, and it blinds me in the face, and I can't see where I'm going, and I bump into people. Apologies. Can I just sit down and sunbathe? It'd be fucking - no? K, I'm not gonna be doing this today. Fine. I wanna sit down and order some food! I mean, I know it's supposed to be the Hitman and all that, but I mean they're not gonna know if I go off job for five fucking minutes and have a poached egg. I would really like one. Opportunity revealing! "Had this huge row in the middle of the night" Whaaat is happening? Woman: Bring on the gossip. Man: Yes, can we help you? No? Leave then. Oh, sorry! (Laughs) I was just standing in the window like, "What are they guys talking about? Oh! Apologies..." Okay. Alright. I do! Da da dada da da daaa! (Singing) Opportunity reveaaaled! Where are we going with it? (Reading the text) Okay, that sounds like bullshit. Okay. Look how pretty this place is! Why can't I just sit down and have a nice brewski? Man: The worst part about being a big game hunter- To tell you the truth, I don't give two fucks! I'm leaving. I'm gonna go and play in the sand. I wanna see Agent 47 building sand castles. (Relaxing music) Ohmmm. Ohmmm. ~I am one with the grass~ Breathe in. (inhales) And breathe out. (fart sound) Ahhh. Dude, you're a fucking weirdo. I'm getting away from you. Do you guys have to sit there and listen to him? I hope they're paying you well. Hey fellas! Are you gonna let me in the building? Can I go this way? Okay, nope, that's a negatory. Those guys are gonna catch me if I go that-HEY! How's it going? Wassup? I-I like your hat. Um. Blend in as grounds keeper. I'm the neeew grounds keeper. They call me Willie! If I turn this on he's-ohhh, he's leaving. Ooooo~ooohhh! And I can hide a body there! Ooooh. Okay, I need, I need a li-a distraction. Can I pick up the hatchet and hide it? No. (Singing suspenseful music) How do I get rid of? I don't know how I hide stuff. I don't know how I-I put it in my holster. I thought it was middle mouse. That's what I clicked and nothing happened. Maybe it's not! (Singing suspenseful music again) Goddammit, why won't-okay, I don't know what's happening! Umm, kay, drop that! Woo! (Whistling) I wasn't doing anything! I need to find a dude to kill, steal his clothes, and become him! Go home to his wife and kids, and like, pay his mortgage, send his kids to school, and then! (Snaps) That's when the long con is up! That's when you divorce the wife and steal everything. What was I doing again? Oh my god it's a golden elephant!!! (Peaceful music) You know, it's times like this when I like to just come out and be one with nature. Watch the birds, watch the phallic tower in the distance. Just try and get my peace-DUDE! Can you shut the FUCK up?! I'm trying to get my peace-I'm trying to get my motherfuckin' zen on over here! Trying to be transcendental as fuck, and you're over here gabba-gabba in my face GOD, talk about losing Michelin stars! Who cares, it's only Gordon Ramsey! He can yell his way back into a Michelin star if he wants. Hello! I have a room under Commander Dong. Uhh, I would like-ohh... I thought you-you ARE my target dude! Um, excuse me, Mr. Half Hair. Some of us choose to go ALL bald, but not half and half. Weirdo. Ah, yes! Room under Commander Dong! Um, GIANT Ween is my alias. Go ahead and search. Tobias Rieper! Sounds even cooler! The Himmapan! I got it. Oh, talk to hotel staff. Lead the way to my room, sir! Commander Dong! Awaaay! What's this? Missing note from Dexy? Oookay, don't have that yet apparently. Ooh, this is nice! I'm glad the Hitman Association of Ireland got to send me here on top-notch quality. First class all the way for this hitman. Hello, how's it going? Barkeep! (Hits desk) My good man. I will have a-um? Excuse me! (Snapping) Come back over here, ah, fucking Pedro! Um, I would like a martini. Uh, jimmied, not dickied, and I would like four olives, cut in squares, in quarters now, are you getting all this? Hello? Yeah? Eyes up here. Pedro! Come on, yes, here we are. Yes, four olives cut in quarters, do you know how many that ends up? MOTHERFUCKER! There's an awesome drummer? Could I-could I? Ooooh. Yes! I would fucking love to be a drummer! Yeahhh! Yes! I- Shut up! Ohhh yes. (Bad accent) Hello drummer dude! Except, we gotta get those clothes off. Am I fuckin-Am I trying to be Jason Mraz? Or something over here? You kinda look like-YOU SAID WE SHARE A RESEMBLANCE. That-We do not look alike! Okay, Imma have to steal this dude's clothes. I mean I don't have to knock him out or anything, but it helps. Do I know of any other sly ways to steal someone's clothes? (Chuckles) Yes. Guard: Heyyy, that's not gonna work, what is that outfit! Guard: Look, anyway, you're not passing through here, move on, son. Are you saying I can't get in because of my outfit? Um, excuse me, this fucking shirt is-uhhh, a fucking St. Vincent DePaul! Yeah? These pants, Slackatrons 14! You're not letting me in? Fuckin' suit's Giorgio Armani! Man: G'day mate. You do NOT speak with that accent naturally, do you? It's like a dude who's from like, Kilbeggan, and then he's like, (Bad accent) ehh, g'day mate? Yeah, flawless fuckin' accent. Okay, I need to head up to my room. I'm hoping that when I get up to my room there's a pair of silver ballers waiting for me. Then I could just PEW PEW in the face. Uhhm, don't bow at me, I need directions. Where is my room? (Snapping) Does nobody fucking speak to me in this place?! Except when they're saying G'DAY MATE. Oh! I...found my room, apparently. Well yes, jolly good. That's-I-Now I get it, why you didn't-OKAY BYE! Ummm. What do we have? We have some chocolates. Chocolates, champagne, fruit. Dude, I could just kick off my shoes, get naked, flop my dick around a little, and just lie down and watch uhh, just watch Netflix all day. Why would I have to get out and-Could I just sit down and watch Mythbusters? Please? I don't wanna have to kill people. It's a hard job. Okay. This is a NICE place. Fancy-OHHH the petals are falling off on my flower! Goddammit. A letter opener! Yesss. But not to open any letters. (Maniacal laughter) What do we got on TV? Oookay, we got the, the Lock Store. (Laughs) Sorry, I don't need any locks right now. We got the eLook. Uhhh...this all sucks. We got Clicks. Put that C and L together and we've got a fuckin' app that I wanna view. Umm, what else do we got? We got a uh, OHHHH. All I wanna do is take a bath. Can I do-(Laughs) Why would I overflow the sink in my own place? I got a bee-day! (Bidet) I'm gonna clean out my booter-hole! Right, okay. There's nothing in here that's helpful. I mean I got a letter opener, but is that really all you're giving me? Oh wait? Ohhh! Room service! I would like- Rea-You just call in that the bed is not made? You coulda called in that you wanted a steak, fourteen cheeseburgers with bacon on top, you coulda had yourself a fuckin' parmesan chicken, what did you get? "Oh, the bed's not made." You could have killed him AND had a fancy meal. I get it though, I gotta hide in the bathroom, shh, shh. The two of them are coming in! Yes, come on in! I'm just gonna stay-Uhh, namaste! Imma just stay here. Gooo dooo the bed. That way. Goooo. Okay, maybe he's intimidated. Maybe he's intimidated, I'm just gonna stay in here. You-You good homie? He's not gonna fucking do anything. Hello? My bed is NOT properly made-oh? Well, okay then. (Laughs) I see that my job's-THANK YOU! Go Right Ahead Stock...the...mini...bar... You fuckin' stay out here. Ain't nobody talkin' to you. What's that, it's stucked? Hm, strange, I thought I saw something different. AHHH, like your death! Non-Target Killed You think I give a fuck? This is gonna work, perfectly. Now, Imelda outside isn't gonna suspect a THING. Because she's a smart lady, right? Smart lady who don't wanna attack Jack. (Whispers) Cuz I will fuck her up. Wait, I had a pistol all this time? Whaaat? Oh man, I could have been using that. Um Imelda: Huh? Uh, you saw nothing! Imelda: Jesus, I- Uh! Sooo, crime noticed? Not today! Uhh, Imelda, you are just gonna come in here and have a party with good ol' Jackaboy. Everybody lie down. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, WAIT! Can I bring you up onto the bed? Is that a thing I can do? Awww. I wanted to put the two of them on the bed so people who came in were like, " They're just sleeping..." Dammit. Oh. Ohhh, I fucked you up. Oh I, I fffucked you up, dude. Okay, well, onwards! It's time to get my shift going. (Sighs) I hope I'm on minimum wage. Guard: All right, the butler! Fellas. It was as if the gates of heaven stood before me, and I walked out of them into blissful glory! Ah, it just melted my retinas! Argghhh! Everything the sunlight touches, is now part of my domain. Is this-Is this really me blending in? (Laughs) Look, look! I'm blending in! *Touches wall* No one shall suspect a thing. (Laughs) This penthouse is swanky as hell. There's-There's a fountain in the middle of it. Why wasn't I put in this room? I would've completed my job a LOT faster if I was put in this room. Can I-Can I get a switch? Oh wait, I work for the hotel now, I can't do that. Dammit! Right. Where would a guy find some poiiison...? (In the poison store, Jack) I mean, the poison store, of course, obviously. You don't think I didn't think about-that's a BIG head. You don't think I didn't think about the poison store before this, didja? Of course I did! It was the first thing that came to my head, but then I was like, "No, that's silly, why would there be a poison store just lying around?" So now I have to go find it elsewhere. I mean, I don't know where. They probably keep poison in the kitchen- THE KITCHEN! To the kitchen! (Gasps) Coconut! Drummer's biggest weakness! No, it's too obvious, I can't use ~le coconut~ I must find ~le poisson~. Okay, no wait. That's fish. Oh, can I go in here now? Guard: Woah woah woah, no siree. Okay, no friggin' butlers in the- Wait, I am-am I not allowed in again? Okay, Imma try that again. Guard: This area's off-limits. Maybe you thought that I was somebody else, maybe you thought I was that previous guy, the bald dude, no, see, HAT. Okay, lemme try this again. Y-Yes? Guard: Sir, you can't be here. SONOFABITCH! 'Sup Sadie? How's it going? You good? Sadie: 'Scuse me, could you go linger elsewhere? (Laughs) Finally! A video game that has some decent logic to it. You come up and you stand looking at someone and they're like, "Could you...go away...please?" Okay, Sadie. You're lucky you're cute! Pineapples, peaches... No, "peaches" is close, it starts with a P, but, say it with me, "POISON." POOOOIIISONNN. Yeah, they get it. Why can't you, game? Where-Where da poison at? Ohhhh. It was on the ground beside the Bug Swat van. Offf course! Mr. Gorilla? Whaaat are you talking about? Okay, I have my poison, it's time to kizzity kill some people. I'm being hunted. Somebody spotted me. Somebody knows I don't work here. It must have been my dashing good looks. And my beautiful eyes, that gave me away. Oookay, we have to head into the lounge Hellooo! Good to see ya, Steve! How's it going? Uh yeah, uh, Roger, remember me, I'm the new guy. Yes. Coool. Imma just uh, Poooiisonnn this glass-I MEAN UM, of course I'm just going to yep! I'm just going to smell it for narcotics... Uhh. Could you guys look away for a second, please? Imma just poison this uhh, there we go! Nobody suspects a thing! Guy: Hey, who the hell are you? Nothing's happening! Guy: This guy is unbelievable, anybody know him?? I'm not doing anything, dude! That's what eeeverybody does in Bangkok. Uhh, uh, uh, a little uh, juice in your drink. A little spice in your pink! There we go! Now we just wait for Mr. De Silva! Speak of the short-sleeved devil! Is that a satchel? Okay, I let that slide for a minute, but, where are you gonna go and die now? You're not just gonna like, die on the floor right here after drinking that. I like how you just keep coming back to the same drink as well, you don't take it witcha. Who am I to question the logic of a modern drummer? We are a special breed, um. De Silva: Get, get away from me, I-I-I (eugh) I am about to vomit. (British accent) I am about to vomit Okay. I need to understand his phonetics, I need to understand the way he talks, the way he speaks, all that kind of stuff if I'm gonna become him. Where's he going, is he just gonna die in the back? In here? (Retching sounds) Oookay, he's dying right there, so I am going to subdue! Nooobody sees a thing! There we go, there we go. Come on, drag, drag, drag, drag! Guy: (Gasps) Guy: Hey! Ahhh, you didn't see anything! I am the drummer for your band, right? Oh, wait. He's gonna...see...the body. Umm, okay. Guy: You know, I would stop right there- Stop, leave me alone, umm! Baga! Baga! Bagaroo! You didn't see anything! Nope! Guy: You're a jerk! Everything is fine! Uhhh. RUN AWAY! Everybody feeling great about themselves? I am...leaving this place! Nice hotel you guys have! Yeah, I'll come back next year, I'll bring the missus next time! Yeah, great, I had a great time! AHHHHH! FUCKIN'-AHHH FUCK! I mean, see, simple as pie. I am amazing at it. Guy: Hello Mr. De Silva. Ohh hello. Who are you? Thank you! Thank you very much! What a nice lady! Everybody else is out here trying to shoot me in the face and everything. She was lovely. Okay. Fellas. How's it going? Uh, heading upstairs... Nobody spots me. Nice hair! And nice outfit! Not sure about the pants, but then again, look at the ones I have to wear right now. Sick. Why is there a bathtub here? Did-is this just-augh, there's vomit on the floor. Is this just what happens when rock stars stay here? I mean, I get it. Hey- Guard: How are you Mr. De Silva? Hahaha. Do you feel like a small little man right now? Not because I'm up on higher steps than you, and I look taller than you, that's perspective, dude. Um. But the fact that- Yeah! Thank you. Right, okay. Is that my drum kit? OH MY BABY. Am I supposed to do something here? What's going on? Okay, Imma follow this dude. God, he walks like a douche. Walk like a douche, talk like a douche, douche like a douche. Hey, wassup? What's crackalackin'? Yeah, that's what Abel de Silva talks like. Heh, heh, hello, Abel Abel Abel! That's how Abel de Silva talks! Do I really have to sit down and play drums? Oh god. Uhhhhhp. Sure! I can blend in. I can blend in juuust fine. Uhhh...oookay, here we go! (RAD DRUM SOLO) Agent 47 has a hidden talent! He does not just kill people, he fucking KILLS IT on the drums! (Clapping) (Whistling) HOLY SHIT! Apparently so! Fuck you! That was sick! It's fine, lads. You can leave it-You can leave it here. We're just going to talk. You. Can. Leave. It. Here. They're not gonna go away. How am I ever gonna get a chance to kill you? Uh, wait. Youuu are someone I have to kill, right? I have to kill that lawyer dude as well. Yes, please. See ya later! Just leaaan right there, yup, attaboy, keep talkin', oh yes, music, music, great stuff! See ya later! You shouldn't have had those extra fuckin' Doritos at lunch! I didn't-I was just talking to him and he fell over! He was like, "Oh, blah blah blah, Abe, you're so strong and handsome," And I was like, "Dude, I know! But don't fall off the edge!" And then he fuckin' did it anyway. What am I supposed to do. Okay, see ya later! Ooooh, there's a birthday going on in here! A celebration? For me? For killing that guy? You guys shouldn't have! You guys are the greatest! (Laughs) Okay, whose dick do I gotta suck to get a drink around here? This guy! This guy knows what's up. Gimme a drink! One down, one to go! Hey, what's up dude-I mean uh. "I'm Abel de Silva, wassuuup dude! Shiiiit dude!" What am I doing? That guy's vomiting, you guys are doing, uh, the hookah pipe. Wait, is that what it's called? I think so, I don't know. Everyone got-I called it weed in the last episode and everyone-one of the other episodes-and everyone was like, "Jack, it's not weed!" I'm like, "I-I know!" It's the joke! What are you guys up to? I'm just hanging out. Heheh. Could I drop and like, just disappear into the wilderness? And be-And never be seen from again? (Laughs) Oh hey! How's it going? Crime noticed? Guy: Hey! I didn't commit a crime, I was just working out, working on these SICK GUNS! Acquire a wrench. Where would a buddy-bye acquire a wrench? Why, down here of course. Hello, Mister! Could I please have-could I please subdue-I MEAN. Have a wrench? Imma kill you! But can I have a wrench? Is there aaanywhere I could hide a body? Not really. You things-You don't count as hide? No. You are blend in. Riiight. So, what I have to do is just wait for you to walk away. He really loves that toolbox! There we go. Jesus. And now he's just on his phone. Can you....? Turn around? There we go! Jesus! So hard to get ya- get a wrench around here. Right. I have to go up and, try and get a Tuk-Tuk. Or somethin'? The guy wants to buy a Tuk-Tuk. Kenny Loggins wants to buy this Tuk-Tuk thing here. So... I have to do something to it. Maybe make it explode. Probably. I don't know. "Repair Tuk-Tuk Engine" "Puncture..." Okay I need a screwdriver.... I don't know! Maybe cuz it needs to be punctured with a screwdriver. Right. Where am I gonna get said screwdriver? Don't tell me it's the same fuckin' toolbox. I got it. Nailed it. Nailed it. I'm sorry...dude. I know you were talking to your wife...on the fucking phone. But....she's not gonna need ya- I didn't kill him. I just knocked him out a little. He's fine. There's no fuckin' screwdriver here though! Rest easy, Steven. Let me try! Look at my magic skills going to work! Cuz technically- "Opportunity completed" Oookay, I fixed a Tuk-Tuk! How is that gonna help me kill the dude? Screwdriver! Screwdriver! I got this! He's going over to fuckin' tell Kenny-boy that Oh hey! Your Tuk-Tuk's fixed! While in the meantime, I'm going to have a little fun with a gas-or a petroleum-an oil tank! Somethin'. Aaand! Guy: Hey man, who are you? What the- Booshk! I'm not suspicious. Guy: Do I know you? Nope! Nobody knows me! I am the night, I am darkness! I'm just holding a screwdriver. I'm the Screwdriver Man! Why is everyone giving Screwdriver Man a hard time, huh? Sons of bitches. Did I escape? They're not very good at their jobs. (Laughs) Right. Is Kenny-boy on his way over? I see that red dot. I see that redness! Eeeuuugh. It's fucking hard to run in these wellies, man! I was expecting rain, but none came. Okay, there's a guard over here who knows who I am. So Imma have to hide. Theeere's Kenny-boy. 'Sup Ken? This thing better explode when he gets near it. Otherwise I have no idea why I just did what I did. But this guy's holding the good news, he was like, "Hey Kenny! It worked magically all of the sudden!" I mean, I'm the reason, but. I-I'll follow you along and see what happens. Hop on in! Take it for a spin! Oh! JES - OHHH! CRAZY! OH MY GOD! THAT WAS NUTS, RIGHT? FUCK! I'm SO surprised by that! So surprised that I'm leaving. Oh, I shit my pants, I have to go to the bathroom. Don't inhale that smoke, it's bad for ya! Oh! Terrible, terrible news, Cindy! Cindy, just go home! Do you think they realised it was me? Hehehehe. Dat perfect escape. Aaand out the back door he went! WHERE NOBODY SAW HIM AGAIN! Pulls off the mask. It was me, Cameron Diaz! All along! (Laughs) Yeah! That was a fun one! "One week later". I don't care. Okay, well that was the Bangkok level of Hitman. I might try and come back and do it again, just like I did with the last level. To see if I can do it another way. Because it fun! I love this game. Um, so these levels are really shaping up nicely. This one was a bit...too easy, the way I did it. I mean, I've been playing for like, over an hour anyway. But at the same time, it felt like I was able to go a lot of places with some of the disguises whereas the last level, it was the opposite, where it was too hard. There was TOO many people around, so. Seems like they're still trying to find their balance. My favorite level still so far is the one with the priest in it. That like, little Greek island area, I forget what the name of it was. Um, that-that level was a LOT of fun to go around and play in. It was HUGE as well. But, really really great levels. This is shaping up to be an absolutely great Hitman game. And I'm-I'm really glad about that, because it needed a return to form. BUT ANYWAY! THANK you guys, so much for watching this episode! If you LIKED it, PUNCH the like button in the face! LIKE A BOSS! And, high fives all around, (whoosh) (whoosh), but thank you guys and I will see all you dudes...IN THE NEXT VIDEO! (OUTRO) Hah! Up we go! Ahh, too far! BUN! BUN!!! It was too far, you little slimeball. Grab one of these dudes. "Grab with [Bumpers or Triggers]" (Laughs) Aww, look! He's just looking at- Now if you don't mind, I am going to go eat several hundred kilos of food, because, Little belly-bell is a bit hungers.
