A Celebration of Joy: The Ultimate Rich Evans Laugh Compilation! (Part 2)

[Music] i've i've i felt this after watching star star trek the last jedi whatever the [ __ ] that movie was called if i could make a counterpoint we did discover what's out there what's way out there in star trek voyager and it's a lot of people with with a couple of bumps on their face i'm just saying oh yeah i love the orville so much that i can't watch it i've watched five episodes of of the orville i can't watch anymore because i watch it uh wait let me stop you uh um hold on hold on everybody uh or or the most [ __ ] up tos episode ever when a starfleet admiral is on a planet and he thinks that the nazis had a really good efficient system we got this haunted house set let's make cat's paw he's a giant cat because it's like it's like looking at a picture of your favorite meal you know what i mean it's like oh you know that's great somewhere out there is picard drinking drinking wine on the chateau picard in retirement rikers flying around with troy on on the uss titan data's data's in pieces floating in space uh you know everyone's everyone and all and all of their stories and when discovery comes around and says this is 10 years before kirk and spock before like the terrible buttons and knobs and and star trek discovery is now star wars and star trek is the orville that star trek is the orbit [Laughter] uh so yeah but all their ships got power powered down by the giant space sausage are you okay i think i'm all right we start off in the mirror universe we don't tell the fans and they and half of them go this sucks everyone's so violent and the captain's an [ __ ] but then it's like they flip over and then and then here comes a constitution class ship this is captain christopher pike of the starship enterprise that would be insane but yes they really have to hit it home at the end of this season they've got to hit a home run and they've got to sell it to me and jonathan franks is like ah discovery it's darker it's it's more it's more like the abrams movies and orville it's it's kind of like tng but they say dick in it that could have been this whole video just us saying those that those two sentences because that's what it is but it's incredibly frustrating it made me die a little bit inside what doesn't these days i think that's when i made the decision to cancel my cbs all access subscription michael burnham was having a sword fight and i'm like why am i here i'm sorry rich i'm sorry mike we'll do what old men do we'll just re-watch our old stuff and and complain about them kids and their new thing and then just die and then we'll just die that's fine that's right that's the plan man see you next time [Music] [Music] very interesting is there another way in of course that was the weirdest he-haul joke i've ever seen ah look at that one with the nipples on the outside oh my god but they're i almost spit out everything that's the hard card cut to that they have to be nudey in the travel tube and they're going to appear at the wet t-shirt oh my god i'll have my revenge and death stalker [Music] too say hello to crazy out of rheingold the madness wait he's the mad russian like the next one would be wearing all pink flamboyant yeah the last one has to be a joke possibly a little person and last but not least the real fight damn oh my [Laughter] [Music] that so what do you think is best of the worst oh this is great this is something i would actually uh appreciate this film more if it were just the setup to an orgy oh oh my god it just murdered women did she hear us she's been coming in and out for the past few hours she looks pretty much like a vegetable she can only be recitated with lesbian sex what is this lesbian sex and then just 90 minutes of scissoring [Laughter] this is part three of our special review edition of star trek discovery talk i don't even know what this is the formal name that's the formal name uh this is we've and now that season one is concluded we know exactly what happened and now we can talk those are facts instead of speculation i'm michael burnham that's a really good impression i mean you gotta give it to you she wants to bring her back by saving the evil emperors she was a psychopath yes i mean and you know what she gets a pass because every admiral in starfleet is wicked and evil so it's like okay he didn't get the little trial like her cat and the voyage home oh kirk also got a new ship yeah i got a new ship but because you figured out that whales needed to talk to a space sausage [Laughter] physical assault to starfleet officers creating and blowing up a planet you solved our whale problem everything's okay so so in true star trek you gave earth transparent aluminum technology a hundred years before they should have had it violated the prime director the temporal prime directive um yes yes it's fine it's fine [Laughter] they went in and they surgically altered all of the dna this this this warrior race culture is very good that hates science that hates science use our science to make the ultimate spy we have the most sophisticated and advanced technology ever invented in the universe now let's headbutt each other and eat raw meat it's true the klingons are dumb i i like to believe that somewhere like underground and some some like secret place they they have like thousands of just really smart klingons with like glasses they're just doing work they're just in charge the warrior guys that kind of look the other way do you remember the tng episode where like beverly crusher was running her little think tank and there was a there was a klingon scientist who was like super insecure and traumatized everyone beat me up somewhere there are klingons that do research into all this stuff and they get absolutely no respect they got absolutely no respect but they provide all the warriors with the tools they need to to kill and murder uh the first thing i thought was oh they're going to throw some kind of bomb down there to reignite all the volcanoes and michael brown said what are they what are they up to [Laughter] come on what do you think they're up to we were looking to throw this thing down a volcano hole uh at the very end of the first season they get a distress call and they're like i was like oh no i remember the very first time i watched deep space nine uh when it first came out and i was like what's going on like this is this is really weird there's all these strange people i don't know there's this there's this man who looks like a ghost who's made of liquid and then the enterprise i remember the enterprise leaving and i was like don't go i'll go i don't know any of these people don't leave me with them you're leaving me with strangers you're like you're like a kid big like your mother dropped you off at kindergarten for the first time yes she wants you all alone no i said come back to picard come back warms up the enterprise with your bright lights and your holodecks and there's garbage everywhere why hasn't anybody cleaned this up jake cisco doesn't have a bed [Music] and then we go to the miramira universe and there she is and she's evil i think she's one of those unfortunate people who's like evil in both of our universes that's not just how i took it or maybe she's just slightly less evil in the mirror it's just a grade hey you know they did this thing 100 years ago [Laughter] do you remember that spore drive that was super useful for getting across the galaxy [Laughter] janeway's back on earth and she's just like she's reading this like story and she goes why didn't anybody bring this [ __ ] thing up i really enjoyed the klingon sleaze planet i guess that was chronos because essentially they're like the entire federation has been defeated and i'm like oh this is some doomsday stuff this is some yesterday's enterprise stuff where we can fix this with space we could fix this with time travel right right it's like if yesterday's enterprise star trek just continued on from that that gives them a reason to build a whole fleet of constitution class starships right because everything's blown up um i really pictured uh michelle yo aka philip giorgio and evil empress having having a fight on other swords yes or maybe you don't know who won well i think you'd find out pretty quickly when one starts eating saru i know starbase oh i have a theory yeah the 1701 enterprise the bridge is completely like destroyed because of some kind of accident or incident and then that that's gonna say well we're gonna have to rebuild this whole bridge why not why the [ __ ] not well i guess we'll just have to wait and see how does it feel to have lived long enough to see all of your favorite franchises go down in flames feels great black street boys i'm done i'm done [Music] [Applause] uh oh god don beveridge customization seminar do you know that seventy percent of the time the whoppers serve call yeah yeah yeah tell the crew to push the whopper button tell the crew to push the whopper button you got a whopper button you got to push it or else your whopper's cold this is don beverly this is dodd beverage by the way i'll never forget you uh manny garcia almost forgot [Music] [Music] dealing what they perceive to be dk are a deficiency of knowledge but it's to physically watch them and record ourselves watching them and turning it into a show that you the viewer must endure i mean watch he was riding around on like a little tiny tricycle and they're trying to do that that was when you realized that they were desperate well try anything it smelled of desperation the height of their success they look like they're they're between 16 and 18 and the low point of their success they're 25 to 30 and they're they're street hustling canadians and it's like customerization seminar is that a word that must be a word i trust don beveridge um push the whopper button for [ __ ] sake [Laughter] he looks so so friendly there benefiting some new bagel and some new ice cream don beverages disease [Laughter] what if this is like a social experiment where they get these people in to watch this seminar and then they just have this guy rant about nonsense to see how long it takes them to figure it out yeah but for the past 30 years no one has figured it out taking his advice so they're just making notes still and you somehow become the world's leading business expert you're on your way out of business yeah [ __ ] yeah bagels so we often have next to his head as he's babbling on about nonsense showboat it's it's beautiful there's too many people don't cook the whoppers don't don't push the whopper button but but bossy said to keep the store clean i've been keeping the store clean no one's sometimes you got to be a policeman sometimes you got to be superman it sounds like it's like a character in the simpsons or something [Laughter] thanks don roll them bones they lost all their money for their small business [Laughter] you know i don't know what i do without you patella now we're focused on the void between two people that's the center of the scene they were walking too fast for him oh my god oh my god the director of partners was a film professor yes they taught at a film school about how to make movies yes okay um this that's that's the least unbelievable part of the story he referenced heat as as a film that's an equivalency of partners [ __ ] you should be like a politician [Laughter] i think i'm gonna pass that bill why i hired my own emt and ambulance to get me out of it what how does that mean they covered up his deck he was planning either planning to get shot because why would you hire an emt in an ambulance that's some pre-planning that's how you get to be a hipster drug i hope to god when the cops try to fatally shoot me they only shoot me through right here instead of my heart or my brain or something that an emt could easily repair okay so it almost seems like they made that up they're just sitting there in silence and then just out of nowhere you need you need another fist for that are you saying you have a problem with that we just did it if you just don't talk for like five minutes straight you gotta you gotta do something with your fists or else it's super gay the just the the titles and the computer the titular partners meet cop and his badge has turned after many takes and no one noticed actually before you go too far in this we're on the first scene exactly exactly i do you you were about to you were about to leave the first scene like oh oh this might actually be a real movie but then then they start speaking [Laughter] how are you what is going on i am 99 sure that the cop shoots first [Laughter] one of the assassination targets takes out his gun fires it and then shoots himself in the chest that gunman is done shooting at that point and started running away he fires his gun and then shoots himself and whether or not that was a really unfortunate ricochet or he just or or just terrible editing he bought those australian bullets you did it he did it he made a successful job the australian bullets it's a really good rich okay [Applause] baby likes his flower [Music] it should not be focused on the guy's ear that's in the foreground oh look at how many bumps there are in the back of his ear oh he had his ear pissed in 1994. i could tell by the way that the technique was done but listen listen you're talking about what you're talking about it's so in focus it's super in focus and now we're going to get all the shots of the detectives but they're like this this is a space cop comparison number one of at least two um which is when you when you have the the the famous interrogation scene that all these cop movies have and you have the overhead light that's like blaring down on everybody but in the scene they they couldn't be bothered to do that or they didn't know how to do that so they just put a desk lamp and pointed it directly into his face they're standing in the same spot it's the same spot it's like like an auditorium of people making noises it's like a circus crowd sounding like it's like you hear an elephant see that's what you do you cut away everything or you just shoot the other part of the scene [Laughter] and for some reason sunshine has wedding photos of strangers oh yeah in her house on her wall yeah half the time she's out of focus [Laughter] who took a job as an undercover cop working with a drug lord who had to snort cocaine while in rehab for a cocaine addiction that was her therapy that's how she got over it by by doing a bunch of cocaine while she was making amends but doing it for good she was doing it for justice there's the dead pixels that you can really see because of the giant black bear on the wall that weird ass bear to it that almost deserves its own special notice it's just a good bare skin is your oxygen tank graded on what we're going to call the aingo curve i love you chris well the neighbors are watching me hey what are you doing you got camera hey what's this what are you shooting for i used to think it was something but doing something with a camera over there and vinnie look over there they got camera like another one yeah they're multiplying you're looking looking down the lens and you see a couple of shirtless neighbors you go like this [Laughter] or as an alternate you go or can you guys move wait wait wait or as an alternate you could look down the lens i i made it i made a tremendous assumption that they were looking at the shots they were filming they were looking then they're right as opposed to like the opening credits say special appearance by should say special appearance by the script supervisor who's that that was a script supervisor that was a script right yeah oh my god oh no she's gone she realized she was in shock she ran away yeah close up close up because you don't want to show the lady walking by with the laundry basket [Laughter] exterior mansion mercedes-benz mercedes-benz gold-plated fence yeah his his strong point is is cara is telling a story and his his weak point what the [ __ ] are you talking about on a on a grade on a grade which on the iego grade the angle curve the weak point is is the technical stuff you broke rich i'm i'm working with what i got here i mean you're not wrong yeah relatively speaking relatively speaking the other cop is he's he's like i'm cop rich is checking out they arrest him in a vfw hall they go to a church hall that's where the dea is having this big meeting on a fold-out uh plastic folding table tables the lower thirds are in the viewfinder yes they are believed to be like airing on tv too her chin the titles are outside of the title safe area and they faded out faster than her shot did and that is partners there there's so much probably so much giving so much giving from probably so much yet to discover he has a movie on amazon prime now that like it looks like a movie who looks confident yes to be fair we scrubbed through it a little bit we didn't have time to watch the full oh i'm sure the movie's terrible but it looks like a movie guess what pete start making copies you're gonna have some orders soon it's going in the b-movie hall of fame just accept that fate and make a buck off it try it at this point yeah shut up ma look we got to get those crates apartments dvds out of the basement they weren't the fortune ma shut up i know you're using them to hold the trailer my buy is a new trailer it sure would suck to have to do a review with someone like i don't know rich [Laughter] oh my god i'm a grown man reading a y a novel this is shameful so i put a slipcover over it that was pornography uh because i was so ashamed like like uh totally i keep touching the book you're just [ __ ] crazy radically different up until the last five minutes when it becomes like spielberg schmaltz is like smeared across the screen like it took peanut butter all over the screen and so he goes in this cave and he has to play like this demon in a game of atari joust where they're like i think there's i think there's a series of um y a novels which is dystopian uh hunting movies for some reason they're all in a post-apocalyptic world where teenagers have to run some kind of [ __ ] race i don't know it's like a genre i have to literally show up and direct about 11 minutes worth of live-action footage oh my god you're right and just other people can handle it i just see janus kaminsky sitting in front of like 25 000 computer monitors how do i light this you gotta tell me how to light the source code sir i'm doing this explosion on a i am the dinosaur of photography i don't know why it's a french accent it's it's fine the first thing you do is if you want to cheese the games you go you go backwards and you try and go through the finish line that way and to see if you can win that's literally the first thing somebody would have tried okay well it's good to know it's nice to know your gaming perspectives on this and and i laughed because it started to remind me of bill and ted um because as as the character encountered a problem we just got to remind ourselves to go back in time and leave the keys in the bush here oh we got them that happens a lot in the park yes and in the movie they spell it out before the scene happens he was hired when you hire a cyclops right yeah you get an actor with a very pronounced lips nose jawline get that guy to play cyclops cover his eyes up and then now he's in this movie ninety percent of the movie you're gonna look like a digital elf your nose and lips are going places kid i know what you're saying rich a more charismatic lead they picked him because of the lips [Laughter] 995 of the film that's real life action he's got his goggles on and the rest of the film is a digital elf so he has approximately one percent of the films but that was part of the spielberg sign-on bonus 11 minutes of film the original jurassic park had i think eight minutes of cgi in it and that's famous as a cgi movie yeah yeah and um and this movie is is the polar opposite as eight minutes of live action footage so spielberg he's gone completely 180 degrees um so that's some information save you some time i don't know i don't know what all this means is that what this is a young audience from 1980 would know what's happening they'd be like you know they want the goonies there's 20 000 gallons of human blood but i guess that's fine but kill bill you got to turn that scene into black and white because that's real blood not nightmare blood not ghost blood what's the difference mpaa i don't know i think this blood isn't real well the the kill bill blood's not real either it's it's a movie it's quincy red dog it's all corn syrup look we're the mpaa you get out of here i don't like you your movie's getting an x sir we don't do x anymore anything what do we do now nc 17. you get movies in nc 17. get out of my office i'm in control of this town you'll never work in this town again is there is there secret politics at play in a giant multi-billion dollars that's what i'm saying my answer is probably yeah spielberg's got gallons of blood in his new filter it's fine it's a g listen to sam rammy film cut it all out make it all green because i've decided green's the color your blood must be i'm in charge oh mr spielberg here's your blood would you do you need any more blood mr spear you'll make us all the money mr spielberg mrs blueberg you missed the spot on the walls of that scene your computer technicians put in more blood shall we cover ourselves in blood and spielberg how much blood do you need spielberg says thank you gentlemen you know he goes to the elevator and it opens up we did that just for you we have that blood imparted from young virgins in africa [Laughter] no they they started i mean i was closer to them they started chatting did they yeah okay they were facing the other way i wasn't looking at yeah they were like two tabs of these things yes and at one point one of them farted that was me that was me i'm sorry oh that was that was that was me jay balman oh jay i farted during the movie you and your your chronic gas problem time to log into the oasis joe laura from steel frontier they could just be making these up but it doesn't matter that's what the m stands for yeah i thought it stood for mcfarland welcome to the nightmare of the 21st century that's just the slogan for the real world now okay is it worth your soul oh no this is more action than he that he did at all in low blow he's not the guy he he played for the uh the charlotte hornets right oh if this is a sports reference you're it's scottie pippen scotty kevin why would you pick the charlotte hornets and not the bulls i was gonna say he said the bulls like my [ __ ] idiot he's most known for playing for the balls even either [Laughter] [ __ ] [ __ ] michael jordan's right-hand man during the years where the bulls won six championships in five years i knew the name of the sports guy that's all i know i'm really happy to say we're sitting on the non-embarrassing side of the table and you're sitting next to rich evans the knights are off the rails already i haven't even started talking about hologram man but fifty percent of the panel have already embarrassed themselves okay algae man hologram man uh hologram man sucks that stars joe lara are you reading the back of the box because you don't remember what happened no i do okay i would say a little bit of hollow man but that's a later film so not okay so we're gonna scratch that off turbulence turbulence three three turbulence yeah i said that already i think that's what the title actually was anyway it doesn't matter the the new form of of taking care of inmates is to to take out their soul with a machine whoa what the hell holograms becoming real a real hologram he calls a guy an intellectual sphincter yes which i think is a great insult yeah i'm going to use it someday probably on you it's like the screenwriter was writing it he was 75 percent of the way yeah oh yeah the body of the cop just goes there and shoots the body and then it's never mentioned again and oh yeah and our lead action hero his catchphrase which is [ __ ] [Music] it's this clever catchphrase they weren't they were in tactical get mowed down formation yes they were they were like and the beard that he has in some scenes but not others inconsistent beard stubble is a medical condition that affects 30 percent of adult males change remember the denny's hobbit meals they have that for for the new han solo film meals they're doing a denny's cross promotion oh my god i was hoping it was han solo hobbit meals han solo's habit holes there's been a it's a lobster it's not even like like um what's his face uh uh akbar yeah that makes sense because they probably just came up with a bunch of dumb scissors i mean i love it i actually love it and but they say like you can look like anyone now it's like oh what are they gonna do with this oh nothing they're they're ignoring all those yeah he doesn't do anything with it but but when it came to the the machine that made the rubber body like that's where you had issues that's where i started to have issues well it gets worse but she could she could touch him i guess is that well if she does touch him they [ __ ] apparently you're trying to draw the sun it's a [ __ ] circle anything anything will help if you would spray latex on latex it would just stick it would just stick to each other right she put a layer of baby powder there you go that's what you gotta do yeah there you go you couldn't really see it in the vhs version it should have been like like schwarzenegger and the woman in drag what's wrong with you sir that's the [ __ ] this side of the table thinks alike is that the expression i don't like this stay on your side of the table we're gonna put a line here like we're gonna build a wall we're gonna build a wall and jay is gonna pay for it that's right it's this guy he sells his soul to the devil and becomes a superhero [Music] okay these credits do not match the preceding i think that was one thing that they filmed and they're like we ain't getting rid of that we spent so much time on that whatever your expression is if you pan over to me i'm probably like that's probably like the polar opposite i watch most of this movie in just utter horror [Laughter] do you remember when when the lady doctor says i wanted to [ __ ] you from the first time i saw you do you remember do you remember what he looked like the first time she saw him she was his doctor and he was in a padded cell and he looked like a lunatic and more importantly he was writing on the wall with his own blood cross-eyed going the first time i saw him i wanted to [ __ ] him oh that says a lot more about you than it does about him lady mephostofelis oh take that mike oh are you gonna are you gonna put it in the caption and be saying it right with a little gold star next to it did it rich you did it oh no then you gotta cut like a scoreboard like a chalkboard and it's gonna have like the line down the middle rich and mike and then for your side it's gonna have all these little marks on it and then i'm just gonna get like one [Laughter] i'm real proud of you i thought you were gonna struggle with that for like like a couple hours we'd be here so far i mean you know it's not the easiest word to say and i was like this is this is bordering on goofy yeah and that's why i like it the whole movie it's across the line what did you think was going to happen when you played metal music this is where it gets weird and [ __ ] up yeah yeah i'd like to just even want to talk about torch no no we're she's in like a [ __ ] iron maiden thing and i don't know where they got all this stuff and she's like she's like but that pays off at the end when i was raped i was just 11 but the damage wasn't only mental i have no wound i thrive on the impossible rape save the day her dad's so big it destroyed her she could have just said i'm on birth control you mean when the demon orgy starts yeah i saw it as more of a modern retelling of it's a wonderful life it's a horrible life it's a wonderful day [Laughter] well clarence every time a bell rings satan gets a boner is the only human being on this planet who could even come close to telling you what the [ __ ] happened all of my super powers doesn't even know it's a very special movie and you know what i you would think that this would be a bit of a disappointment after tit puddle but leo fong pulls it out again he does and again that's what all the actresses on the film side none of their uteruses work anymore oh god you gotta start talking about god no i've been putting it off okay no it's like the story is uh and so i think next he goes into a bar and murders people she says he has murdered a guy he just asked why are you drinking the shirley temple okay bye why did you go in there he just straight up murdered a guy and so he then he goes to uh more places there's more murder he murders there's more murder everywhere he goes oh my god stop murdering people that guy didn't even do anything that guy was just some point no leo he's a madman he's already dead hidden rage he's done a ton of movies and he has never been eddie murphy's stunt double or even [ __ ] standing right or even his friend he tried once and eddie murphy told the [ __ ] off and as it turns out the husband is um getting constant massages he says he says yeah i'm going to wreck your world and then well leo fong had a picture we never got to see it though there's one scene where leo fong is in the far distance it's like a comedy shot and he's like like posing on a rock and then he walks up to big bad guy and he's like have you seen this man and we can't we're like what what are we looking at and then the guys are like i haven't seen that man and then they just punch and then leo fong just walks back where he came from and it's all one shot and it's beautifully choreographed they're filming without permits yeah plots that make no sense the low blow effect who teaches that class the partner's guide let me tell you why this plot makes total sense [Laughter] while low blow is searching for mcdonald who is a drug lord getting massages over one billion cracks sold i get it i get like hamburger to get it yeah i think she's laughing more of how terrible your joke was as opposed to how funny it was it's fine no it works and now is that a check mark it's great that gets a check mark wow it reaches up to two to like like that's almost like it's so bad it comes back around the check mark on the other side of the spectrum we have rod stewart who is running a underground boxing fight ring in his living room [Music] in the middle of the movie we cut to four years earlier in texas in texas and then they go outside and the guy immediately starts punching him in the face and he punches the daughter so hard she dies she's a slider what was that called that was like like a thing like six seven years ago planking when you would just lay on the ground his daughter is planking and then he goes to a bar and punches the people who punched his daughter and then leaves well yeah like an assembly line he's just like punch punch punch his wife's uterus wasn't ruined by satan the woman's uterus was ruined by her father okay not satan satan was unable to use her uterus as a vessel get your uterus destruction fast right right oh god together okay okay okay just calm down you watch this stuff it doesn't affect low blow oh my god all right [ __ ] we'll pay for our own travel we'll pay for everything we'll pay for the production budget i just want to get killed by by lobos yes i think that would be a dream come true i agree that would be great i want to get hit by his car you get run over by his car you get a dart in the head okay it's false it's thor having to hold open this gate while solar energy went through him so that he could power a a smelting room run by a gigantic peter dinklage i mean it's like crazy [ __ ] was going on i'm sure this is all planned out and everybody knows what they're doing but i'm picturing james gunn in the theater and that happens and him pulling out his script like oh [ __ ] like erasing things and tree hey and tree yeah he just calls your tree we have the opening scene where he gets the the first stone or the second stone from loki and i'm like he's only gotten this is only the second stone he's gotten the shit's been going on for 10 years well they finally got to the point where they could make this movie so [Laughter] this will be the when it's on blu-ray this will be the ultimate like chapter skip movie or like a guardian scene okay okay i'm thinking of different star trek oh my god which one are you thinking of season one conscience of the king [Music] because thanos is explaining his backstory and uh that that that villain's name kodos yeah that's like uh like the no fun police [Music] yeah that's that's true then the little mini uh uh explanation by the wizard man doctor strange dr strange i was weird too by the way seeing wakanda and them all fighting in this when it's like the black panther movie was just a couple months ago it's like we're already kind of getting a sequel to it still playing it still it was playing next door so it's a little weird like the fact that they've stayed so focused and been able to get to this point where a movie with 40 characters is not a disaster it is one of the most entertaining movies i've seen in the last few summers can you see dc pulling that off we're gonna dedicate 45 minutes to them trying to build a hammer oh look peter dinklage showed up and then he's like crying as like our main villain this big hulky monster has got a tear in his eye like i wasn't expecting this like that's that's impressive it was weird to be nostalgic for a movie that i didn't particularly care for he shows up and you're like oh it's the red skull it was really nice that thanos won i mean i was not expecting that and and it was it was and then it didn't it didn't uh even give a hint that this is like they'll be back it just ends i was like this is great it was cold i'm actually actively anticipating the next avengers movie that's the biggest shock of all grits like a tackle box marvel fun [Music] but like my father says we all have to go sometimes they made rocktober blood and this is a film uh simon you brought it with nope we had us we i don't know i'm gonna take a crack at it the oh the writer is gonna take control of talking about the stories you jerk i hope you catch every disease known to man that's a good line yeah i hate you so much i hope you get a brand new disease that affects your autoimmune system oh my god [Music] he continues to bleed from his eyes and his face while singing and then it freeze frames mid-singing and then the credits come up they need to open up a new barbecue restaurant oh god is that where the greyhounds went these ribs taste awfully weird and you just like see like them like chasing the film about a young sex pervert creepily spying on ladies in the shower i figured rich switch pain switch check got it things uh the pit is the most bizarre contemporary reimagining of dennis the menace i've ever seen jay that was perfect thank you thank you well i'm not lonely i got teddy you're nothing's a metroarium but then they have that one shot where the head turns and then it's like oh my god it's possessed by the demons no one shot just the one shot but somebody's gonna come and take you away and kill you huh make stinks and hamburger out of you i've got some friends that eat me too and i gotta take care of them i'm gonna take you to see them stealing the cows i didn't want to hurt you anyways okay so by the way this boyfriend is the nicest guy right it feels like someone came in and said you need these monsters to come out of the pit and start attacking local teens as they skinny dip that's where it turns into a don dolor and then the local rednecks with shotguns skin is is kind of like a darker take on the 400 blows it's just very like i know true fall i mean i'm not that bad if you're about to achieve brilliance turn it into a dawn i'm really sorry well if it isn't clumsy stupid [Laughter] i'm guessing something bad is going to happen in this car because it looks like a piece of junk that car with no headlights i don't know you guys i feel like that car might roll down a hill or something oh i don't know guys and they jiggle and they bounce and you are just like this is not appropriate army garb no you're you're crawling from rock you're firing like rifles this is not safe was it jesus can we show a clip of the one failing to throw a grenade the tension is four feet to the right are the the ten other women who have machine guns are just weathered fireworks going on he's still alive he's gonna get out of the car he's gonna start humbling no way did he just have like fireworks in his pocket and you were kind of rocking back and forth and looking at the floor and yeah it's it's bad it's uncomfortable it's frustrating ferd and beverly as an elderly couple that found christ that sold their film for 50 bucks to finance a barbecue restaurant plus shipping blush that's it this is great yeah it's it's you sit down and if you have a modicum of intelligence you go what do we do he does a a bluff and then like lando just takes off you know he doesn't quite have of escaping this planet and and and starting a farm on on some random planet raising children and then you start to have all the betrayals and double crosses and i was like oh it's like a movie no finally so for the last 30 minutes or so i was kind of more interested the phantom jedi what was it called the last ryan johnson film that character felt like yeah it was like sjd social justice droid yeah but but but it came across almost as like hey do you think lando like could be like pansexual or you know open to other kinds of sexual stuff because he's you know such a cool hip guy and and john kasin's like sure i guess you know like i guess it could go that way and then so it's lando calrissian is a it's a sexual pervert like there's nothing perverted lancet lando is confirmed as pansexual [ __ ] women men robots and genderless aliens then then you get the attention of people that want to applaud that kind of thing and then and then you watch the movie and you say what there's nothing in this indicate anything all john kasdan did was say yeah maybe i wouldn't say i thought it looked great but it didn't look distractingly awful he's right let the adults talk okay no you don't you don't need to do that you don't need just let it be a thing that exists why is he called bones is it because he has a boner because he's gay for captain court you know that went down in a writer's room somewhere the whole idea that the empire has to move stuff on a train is logical they have these things called spaceships but it it made for a nice and warwick davis shows up and warwick davis they gave him one line that was very nice of them you're a little cause he doesn't want to join them and she's like well maybe you'll change your mind someday looks right at the camera so he has a really really modern advanced oh okay that does red it just does one other color it's blue and red the shield will be down in moments you might start your landing don't i look intimidating [Laughter] i'm the size of an action figure it needs to be great if his voice was higher pitched like your pitch changes depending on the size of the hologram but vader on that yeah sure that's a great that's okay i'm dismissively positive i didn't hate it to death darth maul has rolled out legs and he's a crime lord and and kira has gone off to to serve him it wasn't just we have to just shoot our guns at everything in order to win the day like in rogue one yes where it was like like like a football player wrote it you know what i'm saying oh you just pull it out um they even addressed [Music] [Applause] you know it occurred to me i don't think jack that you have ever introduced the the movies i don't know if you ever have i'm sure i have have you i don't know well the night we watched three movies uh the first one was kill squad you blew it you are dumb business business business why joanne is it because he's black that's just what the wife said we were just about to gloss over the fact that his wife is pretty racist it's that he thinks she's racist people throw that [ __ ] at her all the time [Music] [Applause] they apparently skimped on the training for the gun though what a wonderful scene the people who shoved him off the building they need to get kicked they need to get kicked in the face because the pattern is more powerful than the fall you see it's the superpower it's not his superpower and so reality starts re-re-wrapping around the situation and so he suddenly said we have to beat you up now and they get kicked if you think about it that makes an incredible amount of sense why else would that uh renegade pimp take over that pimp's corner right at that time right at that moment yeah i guess i'm not a pimp anymore this is where i started notice that as soon as it's obviously the kick fight is about to start everyone else who works there immediately joins all these employees are loyal to each other really [ __ ] loyal i'm just here working on my truck is that a kicking i have to protect my friend [Laughter] and now i gotta scale down this wall i guess i have no control over my body and we we we suspected it was uh joe the guy in the wheelchair well the idea is so stupid that i think somebody suggested it as a joke so spoiler joe was the sniper what he wasn't really crippled he was upset that the vietnamese forced him to walk through the minefield but luckily they all have the same super weakness which is as soon as they enter the pool they're done they just they just can't get out nope they're out somewhere so that you can actually see one of the stunt guys like watching them film didn't realize he was on camera and then as soon as he realized he's on camera he's like he like tucks his head off some of them like they thought the shot was over and they started to get out no no there's a lady that's walking by that was actual craft services i have mr mitchell spike punch [Laughter] it's like it's like the opposite of run lola run like different things can't happen oh god so it's not it's that terminator movie where the universe blows up anyway yeah oh yes terminator 3. yeah hey remember that no faith but what you make thing yeah [ __ ] that we're all gonna die or or comedy thriller i'm pretty sure like whatever whatever they describe it as should end in question mark wacky road trip of doom is the best way to describe this movie already that's perfect i would say no hints that the movie's supposed to be a comedy but i don't think there's any hints that the movie is supposed to be a comedy the whole way through no because it's not like it's not a cop it's not a comedy you explain it by detail i'll i'll come back i'll be back in an hour and then when you're still when you're still talking about the third segment in the movie i'll be coming back the third segment which is the 42nd act which leads into the 22nd act which goes into the third act [ __ ] you're in charge man you you [ __ ] you deal with it you deal with that [ __ ] i don't need this in my goddamn life do you think i need ryan's babe in my [ __ ] life i think i want him shut up the inception flashback within a flashback within a flashback before we even know what's happening we're we're still with the the woman that holds him hostage and then we cut to a flashback of him and his bike getting run over and we're like where are we obsessed stalker girl tries tries to kill herself in our boner comedy road trip movie for this movie a lady attempt suicide ryan is ryan there there's no one here no one likes you yeah i wonder if this would be funnier on second viewing because first viewing we were mostly just baffled yeah like i looked over at rich and it was like like the exact same reaction you had to faust when there was like gross body horror happening where you're like the filmmaker uh has a piss obsession he loves watching his lead actor piss in awkward positions someone's got to be pissed about somebody watching somebody watching or telling him how to piss yes get down on your knees because it'll be harder for you to escape while i watch you piss don't close the door because i have to see your piss yeah keep the door open while you piss and i talk about shakespeare and that's something that's something the structure is changing because at the end at one point but he's about to piss he doesn't have time to piss he's got to move on every where is he he decides to get an apartment in some completely random place and he just started working in a diner at that day for no reason and then he's walking into a diner because i know you can work he didn't walk into the diner we didn't see him walk into the diner he just works there now you don't even know how long he's gonna know how long he's worked there you never know that that's just his life that guy had like a half an inch of hair when i tried to grab it there's no way he could have grown this much hair in two days you're expecting like a set up and payoff thing he he the scene starts and he goes i want twenty thousand dollars and then he goes to an office where they give him 20 000 to go back to school took her and her daughter hostage off camera and he killed himself in the apartment off camera as we're talking about this i'm like this didn't happen yeah he says you know what this is pretty [ __ ] crazy like you're a prostitute and your husband just got murdered by the cops yeah i'm going to go be a stripper stripper you know what if you're if you know someone that's that's really like creepy on healthy just give him a chance because we don't get an end because ryan is a [ __ ] stupid [ __ ] to just pull up and say hey you're in trouble i've learned violence about getting involved with strangers guess who didn't learn [ __ ] something insane started [Laughter] something insane started to happen as soon as you left the movie knows because you just take all these movies you suck all of the details and air out you compress the entire movie into a two-minute vignette yeah and then you just get them all on one dvd so the astronauts can bring them all up to the moon we get a hostage movie we get a love story it was like like a scientist discovering a new life form a new a new species and then after that being like oh that's a turtle i've seen the turtle before oh that's a kind of a weird looking turtle but it's just a turtle i've been i've been to outer space and back and now oh now i'm at a mcdonald's this and surviving edge weapons i feel like we're really winding down the shows so what you're saying is this is this is the last episode of half in the bag that we'll ever do or best of the worst they ever show this is the last episode of half in the bag you know what i'll say it this is the last episode half of the bag i'm ever gonna be on i'm done i'm done i quit that's that shrug of like well this is why i'm in the movie when you think of like the people that run a movie like demon warp it's like teenagers that go into the video store they're not like oh the new george kennedy movie yeah was it a really good looking mask in the background that i get it completely wrong oh i was supposed to be afraid no one told me i i was in makeup for eight hours i was just uh okay so we've reached that point i'm taking it over from you oh [Laughter] buddy buddy come on what are you doing i was getting the wrap up the opportunities were given to you jack packard and i gave you you [Music] okay you waited too long uh so here's our three movies [Music] [Laughter] wait i seem to remember you guys having some trouble last time one two three [Music] many women write verse essays poetry i'd like to talk to you about the next star wars spin-off though it looks like babe ruth [Laughter] give me fire water if you want to hear the end of story could any of this be used oh if richard says it i'll use it you will make things slightly easier for the authorities if you put yourself in the body oh there's a hole it's like tech war only better yeah we could just assign sequential order from left to right that'll make it real exciting for our home audience [Music] i'll start [Laughter] oh i remember i just pound the drum oh oh no she's on the sinking ship or something she's on the titanic [Applause] he was hiding from the government he owned taxes i'm gonna go hide over there next i'm gonna do like uh an improvisational song that i'm just making up as it goes along and then she plays it and she's singing it really doesn't sound that different than the other song no all the songs sound like they were just made up is it like a would it be like a murder of chrome are you trying to then there's like there's like uh babe ruth with the wig on who has like their own personal stories and you know there's like oh i did this and you know solo was the croning achievement of her career oh man the crone wars damn it begun the crone wars [Laughter] he's got an army of crohn's paul mccartney no oh was that joby one because that's a bad obi wan so we have the planet where luke is hiding and kathleen kennedy both in celebration of age star wars celebration of age 185 dollars a ticket for a weekend pass we get we get that we need to pay to go to get a kathleen kennedy's croning ceremony [Laughter] good this bag was orange yeah else or or yellow red will attract the bears hey cell phone man get off twitter and get me a beer can i have a shandy too can i have a chance yeah we're sitting here what is this prohibition you're playing on your [ __ ] phone in fact john's parents called the park they don't seem very worried it's the next day and and that was part of the plan yeah it was like no the dad we gotta get rid of this kid but yeah so we can go to like swinger parties and snort oxy consequence free and only make a hole for your page he wants to get rid of the white man christ should we move on to mr wiggles [Laughter] thank you for being the voice of reason here jim uh on to our next state mr wiggles every day mr wiggles struggles with super parkinson's no this is this is uh mr wiggles disease they named it after him this isn't just like sitting there it's really difficult when he has to go to the bathroom he does actually show him in in a training dance instructing scene and they're all doing the dance much better than he is because he sucks we were wondering rich was wondering about the medical condition of mr wiggles of mr wiggles would think thinking you are really good at something kang tits something different go away the pizza guy won't leave he's trying to show me he's just talking to himself if you put this in your vcr in 1995 the quality would be terrible like it's just it's not good enough it's not good enough to learn from i'll take that if it moves us on hello i'm james roberts and i welcome you the the humor for us comes from pastor jim looking over the shoulder of the guy yes he's surfing the internet and then eventually like like he's not looking at the porn stuff anymore yeah he looks like he's gonna fall asleep he's not getting secret information anymore how do you delete those [Laughter] the girl from the movie beauty with the beast an instrument of god to help free people from the addictive powers of pornography and the free people from homosenuality [Laughter] we're going to get rid of the cyberpunk cyberporn like like robocop where they like graph machine parts onto pornography cybernetically enhanced porn cyborg porn it was the arms that like assembled cars the robot arms that was king tut style that's where king tut uh or that's where mr wiggles works in the ford factory he used to work at the the tesla assembly plant yes stumbling cars tesla stab we need your precision mr wiggles i think he's gonna fool the assembly line i'll just blend in why are all these tesla cars recalled mr wiggles 500 million dollars worth of technological robots or mr wiggles for 8.50 an hour more than he makes at the burger king drive-through mr wiggles the big orders due tomorrow and all the robots broke down you have to save the factory elon musk is like tweeting about him mr wiggles how many cars did you finish today i got one done you know what i'm saying mr wiggles we're supposed to get 5 000 we're gonna need to have mr wiggles be the engine for this car well i i have to side with rich here uh celebration of age is my big professionally yeah um i i thought it was great okay it reminded me a lot about it no it reminded me what's the video sorry about your window you're welcome for not getting robbed oh hey what's up i'm a superhero [ __ ] batman [Music] oh the kids are all going to want to see this [Laughter] oh you hit a home run dc you hit a home run my name is kade i have an identical twin brother of nature i miss my brother i'm with you who am i what am i it's a killer i'll be right here all right it's over [Music] what are we gonna do mommy call my agent [Music] [Laughter] [Music] wow nice yeah that shot the trunk explodes [Music] hey i'm desperate to get out of this [Laughter] movie and it's the worst sound you'll ever hear in your whole life do you know that in waco texas back when they did the the branch davidian uh they had their little fractus with the fbi they wanted them to get out of the building they would play the screams of dying bunnies over a loudspeaker oh my god yeah that's more terrifying than anything in that [Music] he wants to go watch tom and jeremy watching thousands of funny rabbits how electrocuted an italian film is not gonna not have an italian sports card we just condense all this talking that was super condensed into three words into three words nonsensical italian movie oh my god my friend is in there she's wounded all over she's bad real bad please we have to do something there's no hospital around here there is a motel near here we better take her there sound logic so if we put these two molecules together that might work put these two molecules together family wanders along wait a minute that was that wasn't the olympus elephant oh my god okay that was that was that was collective dimension all four of us forgetting what movie this happened oh no [Music] if a teacher finds like a weird letter in a high school kid's locker right like we need to talk about this yeah this is the the 40 year old man's feature language version this is the 60 year old man's feature-length version of that sorry i don't know why it's authority i'm all he's got in the world oh no because i have absolutely no value for you two on the streets that should be the title of the film i bought a drone zoo check it out y'all i bought a drone the camera's moving yeah the niece that's possibly older same age different race now i want to point out that this is not impossible it's just extremely improbable it's set up that neobrain has manually personally gone around to every cocktail party oh god in the world and just chit chatted we make a fortune at our insurance companies overcharging customers and hospitals and there's nothing the customer can do about it isn't that cheating the public tell a meal breed and and screws them out of their livelihood for my own financial gains isn't that a bad thing to do so i am a pharmaceutical ceo and i love screwing people out of their money while they are sick who elderly real estate agent from las vegas i'm just picturing now people in like like an fbi office like we've got some tips on we should probably watch this guy's movies and they sit around and they watch him like what the [ __ ] is like a forensic psychologist watching a neil breen movie would probably go into like a full-on panic oh my god where is this man scribbling notes furiously there's photos of tunicans is there was there an episode of like pawn stars where some homeless man walked in with like a nice new gun i got this from some some guy in the desert he was wearing a jean jacket we had a lot of hands all over it he had dirt on his cheek this here ak-47 was owned by neil breen does that give the gun any extra value no that devalues it brings it down green oh you'll know someday now they'll believe you [Laughter] [ __ ] dumbass i thought you might have enjoyed i don't want anything extra from neil breen okay because that just makes you like more complicit more complicit in in some kind of crime this is the first review for something that doesn't exist hit it johnny here's my pitch for the captain picard tv show oh i'm sitting on it option one the enterprise x i don't know i know they're not gonna make it but we could we could dream can't we yes we can option two is him in a retirement home taking his pills because he's only 78 and in star trek years he's got another 30 or 40 left right remember bones lived to a 128 or something like that 137 years admiral according to starfleet records we didn't see him die he might still be wrong for all we [ __ ] know shinzon one of tom hardy's greatest performance that a supernova apparently blew up the entire romulan empire which presumably spanned multiple star systems that black eye is forever there on the prime timeline i'm going to ignore it yes common sense for the wind we're ignoring all that okay so instead of instead of distance like voyager yes time yes rich evans that's why you get paid the big bucks to come up with story ideas for a show that will never exist because i'm picturing a giant star just appearing in the middle of of some known civilization jordan we need that warp drive where an ancient ancient civilization was going to die but they figured out a way to come back perhaps the galaxy like went through some kind of hey there's a giant bow on this package yeah oh god what is it you said the we're talking we're sitting here talking the whole time about a galaxy-wide phenomenon [Laughter] and what's the name of the [ __ ] [ __ ] jesus christ it's barclays kid who's like super competent and self-assured you could you could have the twist he's too overconfident he said strong admiral card sam barkley at yeah not what your expected [Laughter] you'll need um there might even be like an engineering student that or jordy brings along teach it'll be a great opportunity to learn about uh how an old warp drive works we needed clarification of the director's state of mind or were you all just [ __ ] here's what i can say with 100 conviction i've never seen anything like this movie i've never seen anything like it cutting those turds i've never been more embarrassed for a movie this is the ultimate film when you think of a movie where someone pictured how it would turn out as opposed to reality figure that out josh what just happened you found the warp there's it yeah it was a movie made by a furry and that was the mask he wears to the convention that he made in his hotel room again this is a theory this is a theory for legal purposes this is a theory but that theory has led a great deal of credence yeah that's that's like something bob euchre to run into in a lobby in a hotel he doesn't want to be in that room i know who bob euchre is what's the story about uh well well you see uh there there was a doctor yeah the doctor moves to a town a tougher werewolves [Laughter] oh they're just like you and me honey uh they didn't have a keyhole to look through but it was in the script right to look through a keyhole and so instead of doing something different the mom looks through the doorknob i guess they just stopped there parked got out of the car walked into a restaurant sat down got menus and then decided i never figured they were hungry and then said i guess we should have some dinner uh yeah take it [ __ ] what the [ __ ] [Applause] that was that was in the movie oh oh good thing they mentioned all this right now [Music] i found it what and it's if only this were a bear movie yeah you'd be fine to be golden all my puns would be unbearable like lichen colony because it's shitty oh you got him with that one you got him see wow i always got a secret weapon that one worked wow oh awesome she is overrun by the the enormous ones of werewolves you'd say that's not my fetish i wear women's underwear i thought that was weird you dress up like a werewolf and get [ __ ] it's my alias it's clearly not a real name i let you watch this movie because i'm also into embarrassment [Laughter] oh yeah oh makes fun of my movie that explains so much rich explains so much it does a few things right but not very what other things does it do right oh you know what it did right you know what it did right what is that jay compared it to a david lynch film and uh looks like a shot that would be in like inland empire one of them had been badly injured from a bear they had cornered but got away david has jumping powers like mario jesus one of them is they filmed for a day and then the actors refused to show up any more dates so pick the dumbest answer and that's most likely what happened right and why was the one shot of the woods slightly motion blurred as i've taken as a screen grab from oh i have a quick pen that's a damn good question it doesn't look like a werewolf it looks like a mascot at an amateur league baseball game how do you do that how do you put that in your movie and say this is acceptable like she starts off like blue screen yeah the bottom of the screen is here she starts here and rolls up he wasn't he was nominated in one of the new oscar categories called furiously masturbating for 90 minutes while live editing the motion picture withdrew it that is apropos it is like if that's not coming over the mics really should be dubbing that on for those who can't hear there is an actual critic there's an actual cricket noises during all of our jokes tonight it makes me feel good right right right now and there are two reviews and both are horrifically negative you think i think rob roy would have left himself one good review he couldn't even bring himself to do it he did leave himself a review but it was a bad one oh i was just thinking i was thinking he got to the computer but he got distracted [Laughter] he knows what he's talking about honey something weird happened when i went to go google a wool sweater [Music] this is such great progress for women and female clowns and psychotic female clowns because mental illness is no laughing matter [Laughter] charlie sheen he's got wow rich you held on to that aids longer than magic johnson i am instructing you to leave this area immediately did you build a government lab in the haunted house that's constantly being visited by the drunken teenage kids had the dumbest thing i've ever heard that's coming from me oh it's my this isn't part face the house oh my god he's really killing him yeah all it took was one random person yelling oh my god it's chaos so the first movie we watched was carnivore the first movie we watched was carnivore i'm terrible at this you forgot already jack you're doing a hell of a job hosting i feel like i feel like i'm doing a great job you're welcome turns out it was the head of the head of the government agency in charge of monsters yes they say they don't want teenagers to come into their house yet they have just dirty beds lying everywhere and like stacks of condoms next to the bed specifically for teenagers to have sex on and something is playing like like sexy kenny g music [Music] edit made it look like they're watching i know i know you're skipping ahead 45 minutes into the movie we gotta talk about the first 45 minutes where nothing happens oh okay well we just did oh oh yeah [Music] what what oh [Music] [Applause] he viciously tore the guts out of a kid took that person's guts and threw it at kelly bundy because he thought he was bad because of these things you oddly don't see her face very like this is weird and you go okay well for one shot oh i fell and poked holes in the wall oh look at that there's lights oh we could do that i wanna i wanna address your point that the walls exposed fake bricks was a fake sticker on the wall i don't think it was oh oh i think i think do you think the science lab that's in the movie was a real science lab oh you you prick you shut up this was based on a true story i read all about it in san francisco this episode brought to you by alcohol um what the [ __ ] is happening why is rich freaking out it's not this is gone this is gone this is gone berber family air conditioning and duct work yay that would explain some things in this movie because they make industrial duct work i think the problem with this being a tails from the crypt episode though if you were to make this like 25 minutes long is that 15 of that would be the girl stripping and walking into the water taking her sweet last time remember he lifted her up so high that she hits her head on a tree branch we don't know we don't know what happened either that or she she got so scared as she was being lifted up that she just passed on there are goat farms that specialize in these specific goats so people can go there pay money to scream at goats and make them fall down so why are we still here i want to go right now and watch girls this episode's gonna be a little late guys we gotta go screaming we gotta go to a goat farm that's how we can destroy the movie the goat falls on the table rich like i said you need to write 80s [Music] and each of these films has a warning for you not to get sucked back in time but you're not paying attention you're making fun of the movies uh what was his name it was like like dicky bushman or something weird that's exactly what it was i don't remember that but they looked at it and they said oh my god this is a big piece of [ __ ] and this was a big pain in the ass let's just stop the engine's still running fine that's this is exciting uh oh my gosh that's the end that's [ __ ] amazing rolled right into like a little league baseball game that's why they never made another move the indiegogo campaign it's a front it's just they're the their legal legal fees yes yes their image looks awesome i drew this myself they have like an entire town hall meeting in the auditorium where nancy reagan is like this is gonna be terrible they're gonna corrupt our children as we see in the opening scene which is them playing in another town they're already the monsters so i would assume word travels and so when they're saying like this band is evil they just played it they just played in portland yeah and uh the entire crowd turned into zombies and eight people i don't think they should come here yeah is is the this film would work in like 1890 the band travels faster than like like the letter carrier well as we do discover the people in this town are not very bright which is why all the high school students are 40 years old [Laughter] i mean it's like every time there's something i really want somebody takes it away how silly does that 45 year old man feel doing that he's just happy to be working he doesn't care that he's dressed like ernest p worrell canada he's 34. cause of conversion you know they call the shots because they're the adults now they look like he-man character the puppet that attacks the the teacher in the house was an early version of the mac and me puppet it looks creepy or something move on because it has those eyes you know and it's like yeah his head is like yeah okay don't don't let me stage group nobody he dumps gasoline on the corner front of the stage yeah like you think like you'd have a scene where he's like i mean clearly we're following this band so we know that everywhere they go people turn into demons and die but put on a good show it's it's just incompetent and and it doesn't try to hide its incompetence and i think okay i'm sorry but i cannot take my eyes off dick the birthday boy um in the girl scouts together we change the world hey look cassie you've got mail this is supposed to be miserable i didn't know trust me you know i mean the whole thing was what puts you in charge your tuxedo yes he was the one that started talking that's what puts him in charge that's how it works we have a very very rigid formula here oh this is not fun and games is that a ghost it's a ghost mike it's a ghost there's gold in there and then they're hills and we're going to find it it's going to take us 27 black spine episodes to get to one entertaining one but it'll happen melinda's like i'm going to play my acoustic guitar while i have you trapped here that's when we said we're done yeah we shut the tape off we threw it out a window thank you black spine edition i think it was jack who said she loves the feel of a little tiny hand on her that was you yeah that was the best one thank you i don't think it was recorded we've been live streaming this whole night [Laughter] she worked with like famous people uh many of the president's children's and uh now she's just taken it to the streets uh so marger what marja bell marginalism why can't you remember that yeah because i want to say a real name that's not a real [ __ ] name fish knife on the right what is it and because you will not be using all of the goblets he's my favorite these looks of disgust weird [ __ ] kid i don't even know what to call him he said you know what he's just happy to be anywhere lazy mom wants me to be eaten well yeah she picked that moment to have her first period that precise moment and now it's captured on film forever you take your napkin from your lap your best friend and blocked it out there was that one little jerk his napkin was like oh i was half hanging off and he had like food on his mouth well that was a kid that wasn't at her actual that's right the minorities could not make it that day just coincidentally none of them good they're busy they're busy if they sat through this crazy old lady's [ __ ] they were all promised chicken nuggets just sit there put the [ __ ] napkin on your lap you have your first period at the dining table take your napkin in your right hand and dab [Music] punching him and he goes you don't come so much in my face it was his way of saying don't punch so close the tots all those children so much personality amongst this individual god each had their own story yeah and i would love to see those and the the idea that marjorie and her deceased husband's soul has been transferred to a five-year-old when they cut to the interior of that country club and it's just a bunch of little white kids like that's the funniest [ __ ] thing it's the fact that they abandoned half the kids from the video all you gotta know is from the outside in done salads first [ __ ] salads first the [ __ ] is this salad's last [ __ ] you should you should make like a just a long rambling video rebuttal i'm talking about salads sound forks on the outside [ __ ] we need to like dress you up it's got a horrible outfit and put you in like some kind of really dingy kitchen for your response video where you're talking about the salad farts yes and everything is plastic and like dixie paper plates this this is a [ __ ] teleport it's on the outside march belle i just thought margerabelle ate a whole bunch of romaine lettuce that's what killed her she made a video a how-to video about how to deal with uh e coli you might come across batch tater tots with e coli on it toss squats that's why they eat the lettuce last hey there we go you have to i'll really excuse yourself from the dinner halfway through yeah i'm macaulay culkin i guess we didn't introduce you at the beginning yeah yeah you should write that out yeah i just wanted to get that out of the way a little a little elephant in the room that's a shot across coleslaw crashing in a guest house even in the post apocalypse but at that point that was the worst thing to happen to kato kalyn in a guesthouse i didn't hear a thing but not before she makes out with her dead father but what is everybody trying to do have you ever heard the term you're beating a dead dog with a broken stick no just turns the camera and he says something just like i want you hawk yeah it's like yeah it's like i'm writing a science fiction dystopian artsy romance story my main character's called hot coleslaw [Laughter] we'd like to produce this film sir i expect batman to be a [ __ ] ninja and he's doing this that's true good point rich a very good point [Laughter] you and mike i'm on the trolley all right i'm on the trolley i'm on the mic train i know buzz was mean to you but take it out on me yes i will we'll get there [Laughter] all of those things i just named were invented by women no they weren't look the kid's rich the kids love gary busey kids love gary b mr rogers and gary busey they call him scary abusive like the minute he's gonna be a dog like oh we're just gonna get voice over for the whole that's what i thought it was gonna be too yeah but he's in the entire [ __ ] movie well in the case of this movie they just couldn't get rid of them did the no no on that man's briefcase so you have to burn in hell that's what you get for pissing on stuff gary busey wasn't supposed to start every scene in all fours that was just a way they covered him the the dog plot was retconned [Laughter] look at that happy face yeah [Music] [Laughter] she's a goddamn amazon next to him look at that he's got a good two feet on him do you think they grabbed that little dog's head and i'm just i'm just picturing like like five people holding no no don't make me do it so gary busey developed a taste for dog meat while on the production of quigley and we're starting with that is that why are you so [ __ ] up like i cut my own hair i bought a floaming save three dollars because i would charge myself five [Applause] his hair was symbolic of his transformation he was a mess what's the symbolism behind him falling into a bush oh he was just drunk and that was the best one that was the one where he got back up that's all we got there's actually 100 days of shooting so he gives birth to a dog at the end i think they didn't use the boom because he'd just be like yeah he just gets distracted but half the credits were assistant to mr busey like thousands of people like the end of like a marvel avengers movie yeah half of them are half of them are like doctor [Laughter] audience i'm sorry but the parents at home alone yeah they got divorced that's that's canonical that's that's that's that is canon they also lost a few children along the way home alone six child protective strength foster care [Laughter] well no first the device has to wake up and then it has to connect to the wi-fi this is a reboot yeah yeah you better start laughing [Applause] this is comedy [ __ ] [ __ ] gold right here every time there's a joke i'm gonna look at you i'm gonna look right at you and point [Laughter] i mean i think i think part of the fun of like the you know some of the earlier kind of things some of the better entries if if if you will that's a little cartoon that wasn't my choice you fought against that i thought honestly tooth and nail is it just pain in general or specifically is groin my pain in general particularly i think i think the answer to both of those is yes i think the scary part is it's pain inflicted by a nine-year-old boy oh that's an important factor it's not just pain it's just a detail that helps all right that's vital that's fine i'm sorry prototype x29 i'm thinking quigly that [ __ ] is hilarious this episode is a sham can i change my voice i thought i signed up for a christmas horror film but this is just going to be a porno isn't it whatever i thought i signed up for important uh reluctantly where are we i'm just going to skip to the last sentence i remember those those warm magical times of watching the uninvited yeah it feels like forever ago before the dark times the empire well josh why don't you explain two front teeth jesus all right um and then actual santa shows up and he's a 15 year old boy and then they that's money maker mike kick his mom and asked santa that made me laugh one time he took himself kicked his [ __ ] ass it did one thing right one successful joke it made me laugh well that's right because we joked that the running time is like the shortest that we've ever done but it felt twice as long it was it was it was as long as the uninvited in my heart and i think they had porn stars play the nuns because their names one of them had three x's in the name all right yeah and that could have been what that was except they would have been maybe regionally known as porn stars speculating they may not have been porn stars is there a regional maryland porn i just i just don't think it's worth anyone's time is that was it for that one joke yes because i'm gonna say it was worth it thank you all right that was a great fake cat head [Music] [Applause] isn't it more suspicious when you're like a like a greasy porn stash middle-aged man and you're hanging out with like twenty-year-old bikini no not in the early no that's what they pay for oh okay this is the era this is the era of reaganomics yeah yeah the coast guard don't even bother looking for the cocaine no we know you got partying with babes yeah there's a lot of good character stuff going on in this film about a cat that barfs up another cat you're just shocked and every time you don't necessarily think about the cat there's meowing happening so you know there's a cat around we need to talk about the sound design in this film did you know and they could only afford one sound effects they could only afford half of a sound effect they hit it hard they take the cat into like an examining room but there's no like restraints or and they don't even have the door closed they'll leave the door open they're just like it's like the most incompetent i'm picturing like a making of uninvited documentaries like they get the cast [Applause] no it keeps meowing but its mouth doesn't move there's a cat interpreter speaking for it he's very disappointed with how the film turned out [Music] look the important part is that our main characters end up on a dinghy and they get caught in a time loop where the cat just keeps jumping at them that was amazing oh rachel it's not over yet oh god it's not over yet [Applause] it's just staring at them [Music] we haven't we didn't get to christy yet don't worry i'm ready this is the weirdest movie [Laughter] uh well the proceeds go to the wildlife foundation family vhs it's kind of a movie it sort of i can't so santa is at all times partially transparent well let's just say pretty good special effect pretty good we'll just roll it all off would have been a full-on helicopter okay you're saying they didn't do that i'm saying that i think it's interesting i think it was a miniature very similar to the ship and uninvited yeah you know agree to disagree okay there is a scene where jack frost is talking to somebody oh god oh he's talking about tanglefoot and i think i cracked i just my brain cracked i just couldn't stop laughing and i wasn't laughing at anything in particular you were laughing that it was that inept no i was just laughing like like a person in a straight jacket would laugh like there was no context i was just like my brain stopped working the songs are done by a red letter media legend you smashed it with a hammer i think we reviewed like the first thor movie and that was the reason you smashed it with a hammer with the population growing the way it is i can hardly make my rounds before it gets light the way it is then just make the rounds during the day that could work santa never thought of that oh there's a there's there's 35 close-up shots of her out of focus tiny baby playing over frank whirly's beautiful music santa takes christy and lands and then just explores animals in the woods he drunkenly tries to provoke animals oh oh that wasn't bad your priorities are an interesting place but then santa claus calls tumblefoot and that's him oh he talks about a pay phone where is santa i don't know where is he when santa's like petting all the animals and he's just playing with him i was just waiting for like a barf cat to show up there's a [ __ ] mountain lion there yeah for a minute yeah those things don't know how to react to santa claus hovering above them otters can't digest marshmallows it's gonna die [ __ ] off they expand in their stomach until the otters burst santa claus is drunk again and he won't stop feeding all the animals marshmallows meanwhile mrs claus is preparing peanut buttered covered potatoes since we're not destroying any tapes uh i think we should pass on the christmas cheer by re-wrapping these gifts and placing them around the city okay toys for tots some deserving child somewhere will open this up and we'll ruin their christmas and we'll run not just their christmas but their life let me say put uninvited in there too because we need to give somebody a barf cat maybe maybe maybe mike instead of ruining their life you will inspire the world's future greatest filmmakers because they'll say [ __ ] this yeah i can do better than this yeah yeah inspirational and i'm five [ __ ] yes sure after seeing christy it's it's like that's the innocence is lost you know this conversation is is much funner than the conversation we're about to have but we're here today to talk about it was the first thing i did when i didn't have to watch discovery anymore shamefully i i just forgot like all their their bean counters hoped for you know but star trek fans i think i'm not saying one group is smarter than the other they're saying they're a little more particular star wars is is walmart star trek is like neiman marcus and then there's like a goofy alien and i want to say he burps or farts or something and it's a it's a flat comedy shot of all these characters in an elevator a pretty good episode of the outer limits except for the part when he looks out into space and sees a shooting star oh god it was a magical moment though it was just like a walt disney film yeah we're being snobby and we're making fun of discovery for having a shooting star in the middle of outer space i guess it could have been like like a comet traveling at light speed no you know what it was stupid that's my dicky that's that's the good old dick the birthday boy honestly who said that's a great idea yeah rich that rich wally is your star trek that's like that's like your that's my utopian future [Laughter] and even though she's a scientist and there's a strange glowing substance on the floor that could be radioactive or dangerous she sticks her finger in it well she's in the command training program why does she tear up the mess hall like an animal [Laughter] yeah well because you're supposed to think she's a dangerous animal until you discover she's intelligent so that's that's that's writing 101. right right in sequential order from left to right so really she should just be like hi i'm so-and-so i'm from this planet i seek asylum aboard your federation except she's pooping on the floor and and hiding in a cargo container no they recrystallized the dilithium in star trek iv so apparently it's pretty easy no i don't think alex kirchman cares about the science of star trek i think she beamed her all the way to her home planet no i i think that's what happened yeah well at least wouldn't arc should be like yeah exactly 120 years old and unless it's his 50th beagle you know but it's not the same beagle obviously it's i think it was called the brightest star but cyrus species is pathetic it's a better name yeah so you know star trek always has like downs it's going to put a little appliance on your nose or your ear because it's lazy you know and then the stupidest thing happens the the the the advanced alien obelisk sucked up uh 10 kelpies but and then he's like but a piece of it fell off look no no no wait wait he goes but a piece of it fell off as it sometimes does that's like the actual line in there i know and it's just like because this because like removes a piece or like learns something about it runs back to his hut and does it again the next night uh whatever uh but a piece of it falls off as it sometimes does how technically advanced are these aliens like i laughed out loud and he's like he's like here sorrow go bury it in the desert or something and then sorrow just wraps it up in a burlap sack it keeps it this house and then uh i like saru i like saaru too uh now that i know his origins i don't like saru [Laughter] it turns out it's just an accident he can't figure out how to work the turbo lift even you just say what floor you want to go to floor and then he lays down on the floor no no no no no there are decks on the ship decks oh [ __ ] [Music] why you know why rich why because as a profession you and i make internet videos and as people we love star trek there's only so many times we can say i wish it was like star trek right yes you know you don't want to sound like a broken record and you don't want to seem like the the bitter old man i'm fine with that i'm trying to think like 1010 gets bigger excited i'm excited honestly i don't understand the packaging looks so official i don't get this it appears to me actually be made out of tissue paper i i might be wrong but i think that's tissue paper cape oh and there's a batman symbol on the side a variety of styles the children most favorites it's a clockwork superman clockwork superman is your spiderman with your fighters oh you can put them on the skateboard no where's the skateboard you put them together that's what you get we you okay [Music] i'm gonna go home my shift's over i feel like there should be a giant turkey there [Laughter] this is all stuff that's clearly stated in the film that i didn't just make up for sure it makes sense and there's like empty seats behind him and like really flimsy tables christmas lights christmas lights christmas lights lining the stage of the vfw hall where they shot it her granular area was right down the barrel yeah the the introductory scene of your movie shouldn't be the scene where you've given up that's essentially what it was yes a lot of cosplayers are way better than this oh yeah they put way more effort unless they're cosplaying cybernator oh wouldn't that be great you see somebody who doesn't look that good but it's way more sophisticated than that his his story of who he's playing takes a long time you're playing the tube guy from the cybernator oh my god that's amazing i worked really hard to get that line of definition can't you see that something is very very wrong yes we can with my face it's in a garage is it a trunk okay with with other like like film reels it's in the trunk of the car that eyebrows man lives in yeah is this supposed to be the colonel's office is it time to talk about the set now we need to talk about the real star of the film which is the set design it says like biohazard testing lab that way or something something like that but it's just like stencils and sharpie and it's just taped to the wall and a half by 11 sheet of paper yeah don't sit too hard or the fake desk will collapse which will knock the wall down which will collapse the building we're in they live in the one bedroom or studio apartment where the bedroom is right by the front door and and the bathroom is in the living room that's where the filmmaker lives yeah these couches were outstanding well that was the best right after the big climax i gotta get back in the van now ugh with my cape [Laughter] and then they fight he said come within reaching and pulling out two minutes and then immediately here i am [Music] okay panther squad is belgian but really spiritually it's italian there you go you had that ready to go i will be the lord the master of the world of the world the symbol danny's walking down the street of course three men just try to rape her and she gets well that's your assumption we don't know what happened we don't know why she just walks into frame and a fight happens an informant tells them that a yacht that particular yacht is involved in the kidnapping of the backup astronaut who was going to be sent to save the man who was on the space jeep right yes so fox force five says our first clue get to that yacht go to that boat that boat the good thing is on the fox source five whenever they're in a situation where they don't have a gun they can easily obtain one through the power of awkward editing me underwears me underwears the chicken with me underwears yeah i'll do that roll yachts sunshine mediterranean sunbathing i'll bring my own wardrobe coke that's implying that's her outfit sixty percent of the film you're looking through binoculars close up sybil there's one scene where you have to ride a motorcycle with a duck on it but it'll be a body double do you have to have sex with anyone no not on camera except for the producer the executive producer the screenwriter the foley artist the production assistant [Music] and then a beam slowly emerges that's been drawn on the on the frame and then it engulfs in an outline the jeep i guess fidel hitler yeah oh super gun [Laughter] oh wow well real quick the big threat of the movie which is disabling the space like jamming station oh that's okay the professor already did that professional some random professor who we were introduced at the board meeting maybe it only takes one charge it takes like like six years to charge you have to make sure that you're using it correctly what if she like missed and like it hit the ground that it just vaporized the whole earth [Laughter] a film we've been looking forward to watching for a long time and now we know that was a mistake um first he tastes it remember yeah he gets rid of like the bubbles in the it doesn't taste toxic he was so eager he was like real snippy with everyone he just kept barking like replies like he was that a pun replies uh yes i thought the whole thing was they were going to do experiments and that was in budapest to try and refine the werewolf this looked like you know somebody had taken taken wrappers of doublemint gum like the foil and just stuck it into like a piece of bacon and that's what she was trying to work with and so at whenever they first wheel him out of storage he knows what happened in budapest [Laughter] and then yeah they're like oh go stab that werewolf in the eye with a needle we're we're going to go somewhere else we'll be way over here on the other end of the facility yeah i guess one says love more than the other i'm gonna stall this guy once his loved one says desperation it's not gonna kill him when i get back i'll finish okay [Music] he'll take it real well he'll be all right with it george we're gonna leave the actual werewolf is played by kane hodder who famously played freddy krueger yes and nightmare that's kind of true in the nightmare on 13th street that's kind of true me and rich were not impressed with the medals i'm sorry what would you have done to improve the project metal beast creature uh not made the movie i did get blood on demand that's true yeah the movie heard you a little more blood you a there more blood on demand when you began that sentence you said that you wanted you would have liked the the werewolf to go to the strip club and i thought you meant like on stage i didn't know what you were talking about all sorts of dancing with this metal beast you know where a werewolf has to go and attack where a furry convention that's a [ __ ] movie waiting to happen isn't it would he be waiting in line at [Music] security that's a good costume oh oh you got a bunch of metal in you and your beast go on in you're just wearing one of those furry costumes those weirdo costumes like the the panicked radio which one's the where which one's the middle they're just popping off like random furries and jay was in the army clearly the salvation army that's right i saw where you got that sweatshirt this is yours you know yes after mike donated it what is that laugh i'm just glad he's not making fun of me no you're solid making fun of himself rich has his hoodie superman letterman jacket on i mean that's not embarrassing but what jay's wearing is more embarrassing and then the third one blows him the hell up it's it's it comes down to basically sybil danning or terrible sets those are my two criteria which which did i find more amusing cybernator the little movie that couldn't yes three thumbs up they're very inbred west virginia wow or find evidence that leads directly to participants in some illegal activity we have no case so we have no case against people breaking the law if they don't break the law it's very insightful and and it's phrased in a way that that's a shame [Music] yeah school bus accidents oh god this is this is not what i was hoping for [Applause] [Music] i'm just a poor man ramblazar loves me oh no i fell into the river i was unbelievable mama mia's rumbles are being i don't practice santoria i just worship remember oh there it is satan represents vengeance instead of absolutely they should have had full disclosure that their their their satan worshipping high priest this turned catholic priest was fake and was just setting up examples yeah remembers our israel oh whoa let's just don't does he come on you and your dreams i mean come to you in your gym mike we're getting there we're getting there don't worry about it look look lazar is coming i just want to point out that mozar is coming mike romo prepare yourself when i was seven rob lazar came on me i mean came to me and my dreams as well look the satanist video wasn't completely worthless i did learn that satanists love anal oh and they have a specific calendar they have a calendar for when anal is and isn't acceptable there's a very specific layout uh spoilers most of the time it's acceptable what happens if you what happens if you do anal at a time that is not delineated satan gets real pissed okay he sends you to heaven he doesn't do anything he's just like you and when you look at it up close it is not a real coffee stand absolutely let's move on to our next [Laughter] [Music] it's this giant hunk of steel that cannot be stopped especially by a bus watch out it's a train look out you got a bunch of kids who like run into the woods and nobody can find any of the kids that's when that's when they they uh team up with remla zombies there's people making a police training video out there doing graffiti to look like satan is simple or are the woods filled with catholic priests just waiting for kids to run running out of the bus no come into the arms of the lord the catholic priest they actually put like a spike strip in front of the railroad tracks [Laughter] just skip these and go right to ram lazar where it's only implied that he's molesting the children [Music] clearly got a picture of his kids on his desk and he doesn't want to talk about them what is that what is that josh they were killed in a bus accident back in 61 in greeley colorado my children lost all their imagination train carrying corn syrup killed my children little timmy would be 42 years old today my nickname for him was rem lazar head blue head due to a weird genetic anomaly no the train that hit them was carrying blue dye yeah so far all he's done is stalk someone in a hallway and watch a little girl sleep hi guys [Music] oh god what the [ __ ] is this in order to i guess make him come more so magically in life come on what do they have to do in order to make him come more rich more more in order to make him come home more girl took care of that if they don't find that medallion before sunset ramblazar will never come again the highest place you can imagine is the top of the world trade center a quick sonic battalion will be there on september 1st of 2001 [Laughter] the morning of september 11th you have to be there to get the medallion that's not it that's the empire state build it's really tall certainly it is but the building my dad showed me is much taller and there's two of them oh god oh my god how the [ __ ] did you call that that was so random do what meets hip-hop meets classical because that's the next progression of like extreme genres yeah all on the way to 9 11. this is amazing oh hey look at this all you have to do to make somebody that you think is your enemy your friend is to say you are my friend i tried that once to a bully in elementary school and he beat the [ __ ] out of me don't bring the doll leave that weird mannequin i'll take care of it i can't find the [ __ ] that mannequin oh yeah do you feel better than you did when you started watching creating ramblazar i mean we did i did we watched two [ __ ] miserable nightmares and then we got to run lazar yeah it's like a breath of fresh air i feel dirty saying rem lazar like it's sound there's something kind of like it's like the word kumquat where it sounds dirty yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah whoever invented the taser multi many decades later it would it wasn't thomas a swift no that was a fake book yeah it was some guy in area 51 reversed vowels 5151 bob lazar [Applause] but the best of the worst to me is the school bus railroad crossing video it was it was informative and you were now disqualified from ever participating every [ __ ] every time it happens every time you know remember is the most energy i've watched josh what is best of the worst it's reminiscent of that's right creating lemons large easily that's the best his remembers are because remember that was amazing it was it was [ __ ] there's no there's nothing i loved rem lazar i thought it was funny and amazing you try to justify it you try to justify it you don't make any [ __ ] sense that's the best of the worst well also you're not going to do a relationship by putting a vhs tape on the [ __ ] problem that's not yeah if a bus won't derail it no tonight would always end with suburban sasquatch well but i'm saying how we discovered it though is we would just like we'd watch 10 minutes of one of these movies demons zombies ghost lust crazed why isn't that the title of the movie alluring hags are luring i think they meant alluring but it just says luring okay let's just just have a little hag in the corner going come here that was a whole lot of text just to say some kids go into a house and see monsters [Laughter] because the car is flying so i assume it's set in the future ray's a bad risk he took the mob's family jewels now they want his now they want his uh rich they want his family jewels uh who's carmen they didn't introduce carmen well then kermit gets it just halfway through the movie jake stop it hang on yeah jump it yes justin please what are you jumping how do you just jump things with your car [ __ ] yeah [Music] oh he doesn't have the magic jumping abilities that's what would really happen [Applause] yes all her bad guys are dead now oh there's one he's running away from the water maybe he's just like an extra but they thought he looked interesting enough to be on the box the movie's not actually about an alien private eye you can stop doing that [Music] this feels like like like the producers like that kind of situation oh yeah where they had to make a bad thing for attacks right off [Music] that out of place old man we thought it was a little kid in a halloween costume or something in the context of the movie yes in reality it's a little kid in the halloween costume yeah and then i guess he's just too tired to climb out yeah and we'll just bury him and wolf dude was fast maybe the editor also played the wolf man and he just wanted to get as much screen time as [Music] possible is this like an editing they just said [ __ ] it it has to be they're [ __ ] miners it has to be and those things were violent one definitely was i mean one just was just like this table is done [Music] why stop them from farting the rest of the mall took my children to see spoopies and little timmy just kept farting out his sister afterwards i couldn't get him to stop farting on his little sister halloween of 1987. every kid just wanted to go as a fart monster i love that this is the most mispronouncing i love spoopies you know it's the 1980s spoopies is what they would have called like the saturday morning cartoon adaptations of spooky yes the real spoopiest yeah what's popular rubber monsters i know we'll call it spoopies get it on the shelves no no he's the ultimate he's like cameron mitchell's like ultimate like henchmen though yeah close those [ __ ] doors he always closes the [ __ ] door i love that wolf man yes cameron i'll close the [ __ ] door um just stopping cameron mitchell should have been dr acula that would have been great that would have been great that would have elevated this probably to the best movie i've ever seen tried many chairs death i'm sorry it's combustible [Music] uncle tony for the win it was a grim reaper made out of cairo scene because that the grim reaper is a little bit of trivia the crim reaper prop was originally supposed to appear in action usa we load everything with grim reapers set them shits on fire all right so the truck for this explosion scene it's filled with grim reapers well this is this is 80 minutes into the movie where we are now introduced to our protagonist which is who has to fight madam yeah remember the old puppet yes [Laughter] we see the hand of the puppeteer many many many times to the point where you're wondering if it's intentional is that another spooky down there it's you know what it's a ghost puppeteer okay okay yeah the real spooky wasn't the witch but it was a ghost puppeteer controlling the witch puppies the spirit of jim henson that engine really makes up for his penis he's the smallest micro penis i would think he's feeling up a lady while drinking and driving in a sports car in texas he needs to be eating a steak she gets in her car to chase after knowing exactly where he goes because that starts the theme of there being only one road in texas everybody knows where everybody else is at every moment yeah i want to see stupid [ __ ] and you see a lot of stupid [ __ ] yeah like when they drop him out of the helicopter on accident that was some stupid [ __ ] well they tried to grab on to his penis it just there's so much arms he's like get out of the driver's seat [ __ ] thanks for picking me up i'm driving yeah who cares like us they work just like that [Applause] maybe [Applause] get away from that window miss why what are you worried about well and then the fact that he won't get out of the chair because he's too drunk is hilarious in itself yes here it's like he's so angry you need to you need to harness that and your film oh he's gone he says he needs ice cream he's off shooting 15 more films maybe that's what it was they only had him for like an hour and he's like i got i got five other movies to shoot this afternoon he's not off to film fifteen other films other people are into his house so he can film films get out the next cruise coming in give me my booze money i want my 20 [Laughter] leave the girl sorry about your house buddy [Music] what [Laughter] [Music] houses that are very easy to drive through that is the saddest thing i've ever seen in the best of the worst movie the grim reaper was using their bathroom [Laughter] the grim reaper showed up saying can i use your bedroom 20 minutes and then a car drives through [Music] what i'm sorry what oh god [Applause] look look look i want to talk about the truck that explodes before the car hits it yes [Music] what the [ __ ] was that car in the air [Music] oh my god he's so into it is that what happened good job good job and now roll credits please yeah we're done we're done here you got away you have the diamonds you're just seeing the light reflect refracting differently because the explosion was so massive the explosion exploded faster than lights limro is a all you have to do is say his name and i'm laughing limbro [Music] oh what oh what whoa oh she's there he's also kind of a celebrity back on his home world of stir stir something like that i'm from his beautiful and majestic home planet i see a detective or a pimp [Music] excited to be [Laughter] he just met this woman and they're [ __ ] and then she takes off the hat and it's like immediately just her body language changes and she's just like he keeps going he doesn't know what's going on he doesn't understand humankind and it's amazing acting her acting is amazing because she's just like yeah yeah oh no i guess we'll just finish it i didn't sign up for this [ __ ] runs the gamut i didn't sign up for vulcan years she just starts like tickling his ass to get it over with come like come finish please well then he does very very quickly um look look for his species that was a very long time oh okay all right ten sons that feels like a lifetime you gotta you gotta be quick when you do it out in front of the 10 son that shit's exhausting no wonder they say this drug is almost as good as sex if their sex is that lame like that's almost now she woke up a lot earlier than him too and could have snuck out but she decided to get dressed and wait yeah she said i gotta let him know i don't want to see him again okay i can't just leave them a note that'll be i can't i can't leave this unclear [Music] what are you an alien to aliens it's not earth it's party city that's right i forgot lumber was on vacation that's why he got a job as a private eye he started his own business did he have to do all the paperwork that's entailed and like he had to rent an office space and like we get a special cameo by the boom mic which they decided to screen time a lot of schools whoever was the boom operator decided that the best place to put it was directly above the ceiling fan which is which is why the room is filled with constant noise [Laughter] i think so he just saw half of it what does it look like he knows what it is he's the worst but that's the weirdest thing he only has two credits he wrote directed and edited alien private eye and then he created a network television show that lasted several seasons called early edition i think at that point whoever he was telling it to left but he tried to continue and he's like and that guy was an alien but they were like we're not listening to you anymore we're done his name is libero is early edition did it start as a televised version of alien private eye not like a super weapon it just makes a drug yeah and apparently our bad guy is capable to make it with just the one half he has yes it would have made more sense if when lemro was having sex if he started going [Laughter] so she's now set up to be kind of like an addict slave of kilgore which will come into play later in the movie for some reason and so then he has to go back to his apartment until the lady found where their lair was yeah so he can go right back to the lair to steal the desk well no no rich he had to change outfits and now it's after labor day when he's when he's like at home on his own i like his pajamas yeah he still has the gloves on the fingerless [Laughter] good night you know he says that every night good night you did a great job today snuggle oh [Music] that's the exact appropriate reaction to that you wanted a foley artist i i thought you just wanted my neighbor jake foley everything about this is uncomfortable and embarrassing the it's uncomfortable to watch and it's embarrassing that they wrote it i feel like that could be the tagline of every episode comfortable and embarrassing or he throws down his guns and and uh lemro could easily just shoot him there but instead he agrees oh my god we forgot about the priest [Laughter] it just cuts to a priest yelling at kilgore it's you really weird this is the first time we've seen him clown's flower on his tooth he's like you want to smell my tooth [Laughter] but it's opening accident crazy ineffective weapon you have to get very close to someone don't get any on your gums okay yeah what if there's any like residue or dribbling i should have shook a couple more times he shoots it out and he has to say everything you have to sit there for half an hour while it drips i know i'll be right there yeah [Applause] [Laughter] we should get out of here first there's a dead priest right there man i can't i can't do it i can't come back if we leave this in your car did you [ __ ] your voice lemro is completely unaware that there's an acid tooth so he just thinks he hit him really hard i guess i did a pretty good job there and then the movie's over yes yeah that's it we're done the movie's like we're done because [ __ ] memrose is done uh that was great victor viktor you have to pronounce but it's like it's just terrible uh and there's no sci-fi in that it's a flashlight kids in the 90s won't get the spruce goose reference you know what i mean his heroic spirit is first demonstrated when he punches the fbi agent in the face and then you're like this guy he's got some spunk yeah it it is literally the thing that holds the movie together except for chewing gum [Laughter] and pv says you're going to ruin the paint and takes it off therefore evaporating all the luck as a mobster would a plane's flying overhead he shoots that up with the tommy gun which also includes one of my favorite lines ever which i still quote to today and it's acting as acting like you're not acting jenny is about to spill the information so cliff spills the wine on her he needs to put a fin on the helmet for direction change i finally played a scene with neville sinclair [Music] they didn't need to hit us over the head but it was there it's funny you mentioned that because there's a lot of hitting over the head with things it's funny how just kind of getting clumsily hit with the vase will knock a grown up and she does it so nonchalantly it's like almost like yeah this is the part where she knocks them up and before that they have that that underground test footage of them trying to the guy gets goes out two feet explodes and then turns the cameras off and it's isn't it kind of weird that pv and howard hughes just schlockly show up at a gyrocopter at the very end that is awesome it's awesome but it makes no sense why they just chose to do that at that exact moment that was awesome it reminded me of ducktales they have the big wide shot flying as the just the zeppelins just burning in the background why they decided to fly a little little plane to rescue a man who had a rocket pack don't know but i made for a great ending howard i'm a pilot myself you haven't been behind the stick in 20 years baby yeah but cliff is my friend tv you haven't been a date with a woman in five years oh after maybelle or whatever her name was there was no point he should have said chris they couldn't finish the picture because neville sinclair was a nazi no nobody knew that it was in the he was covered up he died by flaming debris landing on his tour car but yeah it's time for her to get home and start making babies it's so true it's so true because it was um they're making a rocketeer sequel or a reboot and it's going to be a black woman as the rocketeer yeah and then i'm like personally i love this idea and i'm going to get into it no one's going to say nah it should be a white guy so oh yeah yeah yeah that would be great yeah what's the next question gazorbo.com it shouldn't be a minority lady and i've been screaming and then someone makes money off clicks and i picture a scene where the woman walks into studio 54. and it's like and she's she's got her full rocketeer costume on she takes she takes off her helmet afro comes out and she's looking around and then and you know what i i quit drinking but after watching twister's revenge i had to start again [Laughter] thanks guys uh he also directed the giant spider invasion what camera's mine oh the middle one we've got four cameras i don't know what i'm looking at look at this amazing look at this amazing thing a black light you shine in a seedy hotel room to find all the semen stains uh i don't understand this do you ma the only thing that's made sense online what the hell is the matter with you you just blew up my car you died [ __ ] what do you mean all i did was integrate the artificial intelligence system with the internal logic unit that's all she did i mean does my neck look red to you i don't have the answers to these questions and we had a small town with a mayor who didn't care about the safety of the public which is gleason gleason wisconsin it's like that movie baby's day out have you ever seen the film baby sit out [Laughter] and then there we see a baby smoke [Laughter] oh god all these people are just four or five oh my god is she like 12. i thought it was a child the child started smoking there's one guy who we thought was was dressed as a werewolf monster but it turns out that was just his face and his teeth but his old woman voice is so bad i thought that was the old man voice and then the old man talked they pull shotguns on them and then they they let the hair they stab their tires it makes no sense stop short of murdering them and so then you know now that they lost track of her van they just go to exactly where her van is now and kidnap her and where is the van now because that's important this is their romantic honeymoon this is a romantic honeymoon and so they just parked the van in the woods apparently right near town they didn't go too far that's why they're trying to extort him for a million dollars because he had to have his honeymoon in a van in the woods like most millionaires do so around this point is when we discover that yeah the the twister the monster truck uh is sentient and can talk [Music] artificial intelligence my ass listen lame brain breath if i walk in he did it wrong look all of these characters they're hooks for the twister's revenge cinematic universe oh okay like like the the the presence of aliens yeah they just give you a little taste of it a twister story twister tail a twister tail he he takes the guy with the nazi helmet outside and we discover his his only weakness is his helmet this doesn't scare you no how about this that's why he was wearing the helmet that's why we beat the germans rich it's a light tap on their helmets whenever there's a building in the middle of a field you know what's going to happen what's going on maybe bill rabane who made these site uh oh god [ __ ] it it is [ __ ] i don't i give up it's for the best so then they he starts driving the monster truck through a cornfield and bear just continually shoots a bazooka at him for no reason and it's just hard cuts to the middle of action in the junkyard why did that happen rich i don't know i really don't know it might have been real dynamite you were laughing at that fake prop rich oh god that's disturbing because they blew up the mine shaft at the end of the movie remember yeah the director smoking it's not the directors it was a kid from the background the baby the baby was smoking the baby knew there was the director's baby she was smoking on the set next to the dynamite no little little baby don't flick the cigarette that way you know there's an opportunity there to fill a mascot outfit just full of explosives for a movie which don't give isis any idea so check out twister's revenge i'm sure it's on youtube turn on that black light in the cd motel room and you'll find it i love you i love you too so this video's gone so this video is called i gotta go potty help unbelievable the sensations that are like washing over your whole body [Music] [Laughter] [Applause] and your body is that guy's somewhere else you all right tom no i got brains on my [Laughter] face i'm not leaving until i know that he's dead he's dead oh yeah his brains are all over the place just give me that gun can somebody google bat why genitals i do that guano you can eat that bat feces right guano or is it poison no no no no no there is something inappropriate though about a woman giving birth on a blue ball [Music] you get points for effort on that one looked at nude people with macaulay yes exactly your [ __ ] bucket list check i always knew this was going to happen see mom i told you there wasn't a single edged weapon in sight the baby came out with a little gun [Laughter] pencil stabbing like the worst name is of someone named their baby wine packs [Laughter] frank stallone's mother exercising i mean why would you go to frank stallone at that sylvester stallone they're both his mother they're both what she's both their mother no expense was spared yes yes and because they didn't have to the expenses second one that is that is uh a pun mike would you like to define a party you know you're gonna put a wig on it and and bend it over a giant blue ball oh god put it on a nasty porch nasty boy you gotta build a nasty porch first what if orgasmic birth was just called nasty points have your baby on a nasty porch i'd be more inclined to watch it why go to the hospital when you could go to a nasty port that's that's not termite infested wood that's all natural wood for your birthing porch do you want a kiddie pool to have your baby in on your nasty porch that costs extra it's a birthing pool it just happens to have pictures of kermit on it why is this happening hey what are you guys doing over here playing with snakes what does it look like it's nick's taunting my this is a video that explains uh how dangerous truck tires are which is news to me i didn't i was not aware of this so he would throw the doll around and beat up beat up a doll how'd that make you feel like a big man take that kevin feige you hear that you don't know what you're doing dr kinsler come in whoa jesus over there he just backs out it's the same production value yes and that's why we were not bored even though nothing exciting was happening we were still like bullseye place like in a prison and there's a stalker like infinity war yes it's just like infinity war just tell me where you want to go i'm gonna tell you where we're gonna go i'm in control and then we get the shootings yeah [Applause] no they still exist yeah yeah they they are still around about act safety there is that x throwing bar on the east side we can make a movie about that you want to get him thinking of this as a shared predicament wrench in the freezer it's unopened oh it's on offer it's okay [Laughter] his brains splatter all over our cups [Applause] [Applause] it's the part when hulk has lunch and he's like i got your car and the cop's like a pencil to the eye the car the car flies off a cliff it gets you missed it you missed it was toonses driving the cars and then they had money left over and they were bored and they said [ __ ] it frankenstein that one cop he just keeps getting the squad car get commandeered by a criminal like five times frankenstein the mummy one gun reached breasts one on the cheeks she's got five guns five guys fanny pack no shoes she jogs in a very dangerous area she jogs in it consider faking a call for a sneeze as an excuse to move in if you're in a hostage situation do a john wu dive yes yes take it easy instead of you know this particular gun belt you just landed the dirty pond [Laughter] [Laughter] my pick for best of the worst is the the hostage taking video i think what you meant to say is everything was [ __ ] except for this yeah yes i just summed up what you said he was being polite about it though well i haven't picked mine yet best of the worst can you guess what it might be yeah orgasmic burst yeah knowing you it's this nasty porch no no it's it's surviving edged weapons part two um what's that you're going to i don't want to uh no because it's our coverage uh haley's got a lot of really good interviews so first of all first of all i don't want to do it on the air you can call me afterwards so you know what so then someone else wants to show you guys someone else holds the show first time you've done this you today in the door but you're not the producer of it and i am actually i am actually yes i am i'm actually that was the deal i mean just the same way you didn't know the same way you did the same way you didn't know that i was the [ __ ] head of development at one point ahead of content you're like oh i think you just had a development i walk into fernandez which now is not the case you are and i get it but i first of all if you want to use this one here we do it on the air but i am not but i am absolutely not talking about it today you can have real quick i mean if you don't want to host the show i don't want it and what people also don't realize with you you act hot-headed you act all the time you scream in yellow people but you want to do it now we can do it now you don't want to cover collider's content is what you're just saying on collider live [Music] that's glorious that's that's glorious [Music] thumbs up [Music] it's like we're going to this area where there's a battle okay here's a battle oh my god can you stop a couple of thousand they say the new picard show is not going to be about action and exploding planets don't believe them oh that's an interesting take on it if it's not about blowing up planets pull him out into space he's got to command a battle fleet the borg are coming back q's back that was that's happened with discovery remember i said they're going to pull out spock bring out spock i'm saric this is my son spock oh what was her idea where he had spaceship hands yeah i don't remember this yeah spaceship hands where he's out in space in a spacesuit can we make it more exciting can he throw a sun at them yes it's it's not the last time we saw up a card it's the last time we saw picard i don't consider any of the films canon star trek nemesis was not the last time we saw the car and there probably is no surface of a sun to walk on it's just a giant explosion that just keeps happening that's basically what the sun is it's a it's a semi-permanent explosion was she a benzite or what well they they look much different though i just wanted to know if you knew what i was talking about i know what you're talking about your credentials are intact i mean it was just so like uh unimaginably bad um because okay all the original series episodes when they go down to a planet there's like old west town yeah what do we got to film with yeah every episode somehow looks like earth of the 20th century they have something much better which is a ship 500 times as big as a d7 battle cruiser uh we watch something like this and we go what and then there are people down the iq scale who watch this who don't retain information um they go back to talos 4 and uh the telosians are there and the ladies there and all that stuff they have to physically play clips from the cage he could get put into a frame for murder by by holograms uh by a f by a super cave with the anti-mine reading crystals when you say it it sounds so believable it sounds so credible that's right under spock's house the anti-mine reading crystal cave and sarah comes down what do i what are you doing what is this like tng size like shuttle crafts and each ship has ten thousand of them [Music] i i like laughed out loud then enterprise d had like like eight shuttle crash you know what i mean torpedo lands in the enterprises hull right in the kind of front part and they say if it blows up it's going to blow up the entire bridge saucer section most of it but if they close a blast door [Laughter] right right next to it it will not do that close the [ __ ] door close the [ __ ] door i closed the blast door they closed the blast door uh so they closed the blast door and pike's just standing there looking through glass transparent apparent aluminum yeah that transparent aluminum held back that [ __ ] anti-matter torpedo right i'm just gonna stare with with my naked eyes at a matter anti-matter explosion at least tuvak went [ __ ] blind from it which is probably what would happen action-packed you know exciting they're flying around the things and yeah take the tarot shows off everybody loves taking the taro and okay yeah this is this isn't too bad certified fresh all the other elements are there but you have alex kurtzman like marching it into a grave you have scatter brains and then they get to the end and they're like we have seven weird signals we've only done three of them what do we do but she shows that they have forty thousands of fighter crabs and she shows up with six and it's fine i'm gonna help out what what it's like like you and i analyze things we overanalyze stuff we look at stuff it's literally like smoke should be coming out of our ears trying to explain this it's a guy driving a motorcycle and revving the engine you know i mean christian counseling and educational foundation promotional video january 1992. oh i love that movie play senior golf running time 72 minutes well it takes them a long time they're elderly it's just walking to the next hole [Laughter] boom resist the ball resist the ball [Music] [Music] what was the losing tape how to build a haunted house that's not a blooper that's just little people are they are they saying that the little people are god's bloopers that's quite it was just a shot of him standing there talking about her hamburglar costume she was in prison for an unrelated vhs fraud tape oh my god i just want to see a kid take a [ __ ] jay stop it hurry say stop it ah come on this is how this is how your dinner's made and the mystery is what magic was in my pile of tapes we'll only know tomorrow when everybody comes back so we started tossing ones that that we didn't want to watch anymore um simple gladiator rules you know not our first tip we watched but the first tape we enjoyed was chair aerobics and if it's it's laughing at the elderly i don't know why well i guess in the future you travel to the past this is very complicated to make exercise videos yeah i invented the osteoporosis dance you were the videographer for it it's this oh my bones this is all i can do yeah but the tape itself uh i i started to feel like this tape like many elderly exercise tapes or scams because your bones are brittle and your muscles are deteriorating and your body's falling apart in front of your very eyes and that's where the hilarity comes in and the one guy future me with the oxygen tube i know that one gram in the back with with the the the child actress haircut i forgot who said does it start off with with grandpa's hand like you know slowly turning the oxygen up because he's gonna need it so let's keep talking about butt [ __ ] right what else is there to say about elderly none go next next just a reminder these are the winners our black spines have brought about finding finding some magic and we're doing we've gotten minutes of entertainment riding mower safety presented by toro nothing much happened in that one no this one's great that one's great i'll take this one why did sexy music come on store gasoline an approved container because of this suggestive imagery that's why we can't remember it now because then we watched 47 other tapes but it was it was catchy they knew just the right amount of creativity to keep you watching the whole time so that they don't get sued when you run your child over right um but there they have to be california's specific characters so what's the next california character filthy movie executive things then take a real bad turn once we start seeing cletus's hole thank god i was out of the room rich had an allergic reaction he coincidentally had to leave the room right when the whole guy i had to suddenly go to the bathroom it's robert guinty should we fast forward to the next guy yeah okay that's all i care about anymore just just just so we're clear mike didn't want us to fast forward through the stripping cowboys not getting the part of the michael jackson video we're doing we're doing something else california big hunks the next best thing why is the camera 10 feet up in the air what am i what am i looking at he just keeps looking off at nothing what do you mean you won't take your pants off outside okay we'll film the rest of it in my kids play room let us film you that's the slogan for the production company let us know we got a blanket and everything oh you need a dirty blanket reno got a brain-eating amoeba that's scum water that got into his body through his whole 50 bucks small price to pay for becoming a star 50 bucks people from the future or for the past humans time travel into every time traveling gay men because they're like oh that's post-apocalyptic chic like i don't know what it is maybe she didn't show up to the date because he was taking her out to the gym cafeteria oh yeah she's like it [ __ ] smells like balls in here we have 15 more tickets [Applause] we barely started oh [ __ ] seminar by a crazy con lady who just wants to pet her cat she prefers to be called a con artist there's an artistry to what she does using an english developed instrument called the mind mirror all four brainwave patterns reproductive problems what rubbish my god don't [ __ ] touch your cat's reproductive organs no jay rubbing the cat's ear will solve all those problems like old age respiratory problems your cat just gets younger and that's scientifically proved that you can de-age a cat by touching its ear it's different every time they pop it off it's just like what the cats do they keep adding new things she's in a room and like the walls are lined with those like old-timey 50s computers and then like the cat is on her lap with this like giant helmet on the cat he's like terrified fires going everywhere she pulls this big switch like reel the reels like han zola and captain america no the data just comes out just as happy oh all of my efforts were i think we indicated all right do it this didn't cat made it happen we did it team this country this costs 750 000 can we prove that i can pet a cat between the three and then go back to the one what the [ __ ] is happening she's explaining the amount of pressure to apply when you rub your cat's eyelids that's what's happening this is a grade a crackpot [Laughter] someone just rub their ear and calm them down or write us a lengthy email that we'll ignore do you think they sedated the cat for the purposes of the video that sounds about right 100 yeah yeah that cat was [ __ ] up because you might want to jump jump off her lap but there was one moment where she started doing something in the cat yeah and she tries to like suffocate the thing in her chest yeah she's like shut up shut up shut up i mean i'm petting it to you i'm calming it at some point she just twisted its neck look at how calm it is oh look it worked it's so calm it doesn't move for the rest of the video she throws it aside hey when something doesn't feel right don't worry about hurting his feelings he starts giving him bad information sometimes you gotta put out we were just hitting the point where like okay it's just lawnmower safety wait is that a love balance you know i think venison the easy way has some really practical information that's not up here oh that movie also had a hole in it this is how california big house i think that's the right answer that's that's an okay answer california big hunks specifically with a question mark california big hoax is my pick from best of the worst look at the monster you've created okay jay we all know your pictures that's a video of dude stripping that's the best of the worst that was the best of the worst i'm going with california big hunks that's the proof it was made by an alien yeah they don't know what's happening human hunks why is he getting that dirty rug [Applause] why is he dressed like michael jackson in the rubble of a castle like none of these things are erotic that's why that's so fascinating their culture does not find dirty swamps romantic michael jackson they didn't like this one but we put castle in the humans were used to live in castles i think it gave them a lot of data to better their studies of humans yeah that's that's a good that's so it's a it's an educational video as well as what you're saying not for us but for somebody somewhere it's an educational video for aliens yeah all right that works for me and i hope to [ __ ] god the full-length trailer doesn't come out before i finish editing this video waste our time come on back and write star wars what else can you do with star wars huh nothing i just write the same script again and change all the character names and no one will notice she does back flip over and i'm going to assume in the film the lightsaber cuts the tie fighter in half and kylo ren goes and then flies out and then stumbles on the ground and then they start laser sword fighting he will reform his body from the force using elemental materials that all fly together uh yeah but he'll still look like old mark hamill you know what they haven't done what a horrible time travel story oh my god that is the dumbest thing ever they are going full-on avengers end game and they are retconning everything and there's a lot of clues there's a lot of clues to this everyone is dead there are no new jedis and there's nowhere forward to go you can only go back right and then another line too is 2-0 yes to begin the training well then that must mean you have to start a jedi training when you're four again it's very much a avengers thanos situation where they are in desperate desperate times that very well could be darth vader flying that tie fighter trying to kill rey because he knows the space battle and everybody fights the end so what do you what do you do you go bonkers you you go to the past you time travel in ghost luke form and says i've transcended to luke the white i'm a spiritual being of of all good energy and i'm awesome and uh oh i'm turned good ray and your friends i'm gonna help you get on the millennium falcon so you could fly away while luke chokes the emperor it'll be like the end of star trek five [Laughter] and and ray will realize that the force is temporarily gone for a few hundred generations that something like that could happen a fan pleaser yeah there's like an underground version of like like an ewok death cult like they're like saint worshipers for ewoks they're just like they have like red eyes and they live underground they'll be they'll be like sacrificed ewoks skulls all over his altar yes that's how he eats that would be so [ __ ] awesome they protect him and they they they keep him alive down in the the bowels of the broken down death star did wreck it to the death star he's actually putting the old helmet back together literally and then the last jedi trailer he smashes it in this trailer oh i just i've rebuilt it [ __ ] it no this force protected him when it when it blew up and crashed on endor but that's that's why that's why it took him 40 years okay okay all right i'll buy it all these are great ideas rich all these are great ideas it's funny how we've talked almost not at all about any of the characters from the neutral achievement [Laughter] they're just like they're just like beige filler for for things from the past that that are much more interesting but whenever they shake star wars up it's terrible they did that they did that with the prequels that's that's what about the senate let's do something different oh my god [Laughter] family entertainment rated r this is all children except for this character with cameron mitchell [Laughter] [Applause] more of that oh my god it's hollywood celebrity macaulay culkin sure is so here's a quarter oh oh thank you mr mcculloch [Laughter] and melanie griffith working girl we need to you know yeah you need to know that that's the one i thought they would go with milk money not surprisingly many of the casting crews suffered injuries during the making of the film i love how they promised it on the box yeah [Laughter] you can even see them like under the dashboard it wasn't well acted and it didn't look pretty but it was definitely it was a clear beginning child doctors can be excellent [Applause] [Music] they took it just far enough to where they knew what line was too far across and we desperately wanted them to cross that line for our own entertainment but the violence we wanted more violence what i'd say is hawk jones is timeless they even gave her a cane but then the scene where she's like running out of the store she's just like she's holding it swinging and just like running she's just like yes this does pre-date home alone it does there's a character named mcallister yes this is [ __ ] we never weird up that so this is where john hughes stole his ideas from pretty much for all his scripts no no they did and you know what the answer was [Laughter] what movie were you watching i don't know [Laughter] after this is over we're all going to put on our clown mask [Laughter] justin timberlake and andy sandberg because there was a dick in a box there wasn't there was a dick in a box and that's where they got the idea let's talk about that where'd this come from well it's a dick it's a dick it is a dick is this supposed to be a dick that just happened to be in the box because the important thing in the box was that it was next to the deck yeah they never actually addressed the dick and then he goes like reaches in and you're like oh he's gonna pick that dick up right now and talk about it and he goes anyway this tooth is very important he's like this is my father it's like you've been saving this for a while and just what did you see his hand go past the dick my one critique of the film is that i couldn't hear or understand anything that was happening i thought it was a fantastic movie my one problem was that i didn't realize at the end rich it's the rule of thirds one-third your character is overlapping each other two-thirds a plant wild goose lodge it was a three-wolf moon shot that's what it was he changes he changes heights in every shot and they could have just shown like filmed a light bulb just turning off boom done that's that's your bridge slow down cowboy slow down orson welles what are you doing scumbags all of those people there's eastern seaboard it's just a bunch of scumbags they did when they knocked that totem down and killed all them yeah what movie were you watching i don't know no i'm just kidding honestly it was just it just it just went away oh no oh no somebody come in to help him that's not what the [ __ ] are you gonna do just right in the middle of this line just run the other way so for this shot we'll just let the lions go [ __ ] nuts inside your house they're like no it's too dangerous to put you in this barrel now go stand with 50 lions we need a stunt double for the barrel gag though that is my boat i'm taking it i swear this is one of the dumbest [ __ ] things anybody has ever done roar is irresponsible it is criminally negligent and it is the most amazing [ __ ] thing i've ever seen okay so you're picking uh war war roar winter beast yeah i mean [Laughter] and when you run into melanie griffith you say oh my god oh your face is so [ __ ] up they did a wonderful job on your face those lions did a great job on your face i was a kid on camera don't stick lions on your kid i'm just saying i was fake killed by bees once like [ __ ] your bees you see this look at my q responsible for that no it's a transformer it looks like it's from an old tv show which looks different than the new show so i i don't know mike what i was just about to tell you about star trek oh yeah yeah we're going to talk about the new trailer for star trek picard gene roddenberry's original vision was the boringest thing ever right it was the cage and he did not like people he did not like children he was a quiet intellectual man he was a fine character if you're going to have an ensemble show and he's just kind of the centerpiece that holds everything together which is which is what our suggestion for star trek galaxy it's just like a deck of cards you smear out on the table okay it's it's lol let's put some borg parts in her and make her an assassin because that's stupid this sport cube is a hundred million billion trillion times bigger than the other board cubes because because alex kurtzman has a big and he drives her on a lamborghini right my board cube's bigger than your board cube oh i know uh nano probes made their way into her eggs yeah her female lady eggs and they went and so she has she has a child that is it is the first of its kind and and that made a super human borg american indian hybrid borg queen's daughter or queen's daughter mixed with the dna of lol seven of nine's daughter mike why are you so cynical our prediction videos are always so [Laughter] wrong i'm sorry guinty and mitchell together yes wow wow well we got your letters america wait a minute do you mean bella lugosi meets a brooklyn gorilla's duke mitchell what what you [ __ ] are the cause of my suffering she has a machine gun she has a gun she's got a nice big headshot i love you demon cub he was typing it's a spec script for cheers sam and woody go to a baseball game he created chairs and he was writing the pilot i wrote this role for you it's a show about nothing alien force is sci-fi action at its finest that line alone is making me laugh at its finest it's like terminator 2 no yeah terminator 2 c minus alien warrior who is transported to earth not capitalized so you could so grammatically he sent to dirt to complete in a deadly game of survival superb visual effects oh i thought that was another actress in the film superb sue set this apart from other examples of the genre so they're like that's that's like what uh well [Music] all right you're stuck here now you know how we feel jesus well thank you for coming on the show patton you're welcome i'm sorry that this was the worst lineup of films we've ever done in the history of the series can i look i was really looking forward to this oh it's mean afternoon we're going to watch some fun bad movies we try to warn people and so there's fog inside the building he's this who is that if that explains common logic capturing something by happenstance where in attempting to do a robert altman shot they failed but did a nice david copperfield illusion that's actually kind of nice so it's going to spread and continue you're not you're not shooting people anymore guys you're not hey oh [ __ ] no getting shirt ma'am could you get up ma'am could you get yeah you're shooting oh god damn it could you ma'am you're in this where'd everybody go yeah no now there's a ma'am who's this wait a minute that was like a [ __ ] magic trick how the [ __ ] it ain't over until the fat ladies sink yes [Applause] this is [ __ ] amazing hell yeah you had to point out that there was a a game show that like no one under 50 names [Laughter] well demon cop has a moment of rage and he picks up a a a lawn like an outdoor table and awkwardly throws it and then we cut a neighbor lady that we've never seen before it's all a mystery i think there's less labor-intensive ways to hide that i'm not mistaken not if you're an idiot rich always finding the thing i miss uh we're moving on to alien force and now we're done with alien force and let's move on to game of survival thanks to them for going through the effort of actually using the body makeup that's true yeah they could have put a t-shirt on there's a latino in pajamas he's from the pajama game the pajama gang quality okay he he made v world matrix and he's desperately trying to achieve it okay should we talk about the egg the mcguffin there's an egg okay yeah there's a thing where there's a circle and the lake by the way is on he got broken we broke him that's right you got forted you did get 40. goddammit oh my god this just makes too much sense i can't handle it the story's going from a to b to c things happen in logical progressions but it's kind of boring anyway titles are fluid they're fluid it's it depends on the person watching it you know well game of survival patterns know my favorite movie is jaw it is so good cardboard covered dune buggies and when i say cardboard i mean there is a clear shot when they're closing the top of it where you can see the shipping instructions uh that for the for the washing machine that the box used to hold yeah and our hero uh is sent because he throws poop at his jailer which makes him one of the most vicious beings on the planet in a city called los angeles because it's easy to film there wait a minute is this does this involve another alien egg and it's not only that that you can't understand them because of the filter they have in the voice it's like they lowered the volume yeah it's like an andy kaufman prank the movie is [ __ ] with us yeah there is yet i used to live right near this bar i know what this bar is i'm not kidding god holy [ __ ] are you an extra in the scene i don't know well i'm i'm watching a joke die in your frontal lobe it has depressing um you'll get it out just give a minute won't you please help folks your donations if you can find mike's jokes for the price for the price to us for the price of a cup of coffee uh what is a building everyone lives in apartment depressing what is the building everyone lives in it's depressing what was the joke what was the joke i don't know it's it's it's like it wasn't even a joke oh my god your brain shut down making an observation the ticking clock element is when they run out of film [Laughter] remember with the first check to catering bounces that is where the competition has ended it's like trying to crack a code it's the worst type of engagement it's not even her table but she's horrified by the fact that he threw a table my neighbor's table [Laughter] i've had nightmares about this day it's kind of interesting because it's sort of it feels like what zack snyder was trying to do with his man of steel movie they would also be real people too so they would do things for like money yeah so they'd be [ __ ] and monsters like real people are there's a character named black noir who has like nothing to do and i don't know if that like you could have played that up more but uh i kind of like the idea that he's just sort of there every once while he's just sort of in the background of his scene so it's almost like you're trying to take down two things at once which which one is harder to take down um he's like well if you want to be a part of this organization you know you gotta you gotta do some things for me and just like immediately pulls his pants down and i was like oh god this is pretty [ __ ] vile and she's like constantly like you're never sure like is she a good guy or a bad guy well he's also a drug addict they have this like superhero drug what's it called a compound v as far as like the the comedy goes it was a little too silly it was so hysterical i didn't care but the fact he starts like yelling at him like get the [ __ ] away from me it's like jesus christ he does a very uh uh acceptable american accent he's fine he's a great scientist he's simon beck he's great in the first 30 seconds someone gets obliterated by the flash oh my god look at all these look at all these horrible monsters these superheroes are translucent translucent they have them locked in a cage and they're like yeah but he's invincible like what the [ __ ] do we do we captured him but now what yeah you can see both of them [Music] right in the belly i was pregnant you know i don't have to touch your vagina right there but you'd think if they're going to lure you in with james duhan you shouldn't have to explain who he is what does that say to say about him i mean oh boy and it says some stuff well he's only got one dead eye maybe maybe he loses the other one in the movie that's true he's it's like a vhs rip and it's it's trying to kill itself as the video goes along if you're the director and you're not the lead you would think that the person you're going to pick would be like the kind of like muscular handsome guy not the five foot tall guy with a snap-on when do we find out he's oh oh yeah i forgot the whole movie yeah i just have this like remembered weird remaster of this where it's like remastered in 4k and you'd watch it again just be like don't don't use that cutaway or use the cutaway and add sound not one or the other is so funny i think this was around the point in the movie where i started to realize that the the post-apocalyptic gang from the beginning of the movie just was never coming back yeah it's the most exciting thing to happen in ohio since that river caught on fire ah good thing his mustache protected him you guys are missing the chainsaw fight oh jesus christ they just work that into the movie as an excuse this is the distributor's like here's another 10 000. it's probably the first and last film he ever made well he killed a guy on set of course it's the last movie ever made um rich explain through dead eyes handcuffs her and gags her and leaves her laying on the floor of his apartment like clairvoyance tells me she was killed well that's her whole thing is yeah she can touch someone and then she has visions of of how they died of how they died or whatever so yeah are you saying it's not really james duhan and somebody in a james do hand mask it's actually george takai just put james duon we need something more famous like james oh god or or or you could see it as james like this movie shows just how good james duhan is at being scotty oh yeah for sure you know what i mean yeah yeah at a certain point in the scene i think you can see the moment she realizes oh i'm supposed to be lying she looks away she may be clairvoyant but i don't know how bright she is because which she does see like the death masks or sorry the them cuddling they're cuddling in like dark dead soil that's the director's wife that's the only excuse for this thing i've been dressing people up i'd watch an all tilda swinton version of through dead eyes she has to watch like years and years of star trek to get down the character she's wearing a green sock on one of her fingers so they can digitally remove it no she actually enlists in the military and goes to war and loses one of her fingers in battle and she seems odd and off and she's probably the killer [Music] oh god she's the costume starter and she's embarrassed to talk about him because she's married to star trek scotty [Laughter] that's terrible well she's lording it over walter coney's flight she looks like it's like dana carvey the master of the disguise jesus christ maybe she shouldn't wear those glasses or marry james stickler beam me up refers to himself as humanoid even though a humanoid is something that resembles a human being well that describes the old breed the best performance in the movie is this hair in the scene but in this movie they're both just kind of boring [ __ ] they're just boring like yes i'm interested straightened up we're both [ __ ] up while developing further and further in a humanoid state over the years but not enough of one to actually speaking about pasta there's a lot of like phony mustaches yeah i mean like it's like he doesn't even understand what sleep is because he doesn't it's not like oh i woke up i'm startled i'm going to go back to sleep that actually [Music] oh thank christ so return i can't see except he wasn't scheduled to make a lecture he just walks into the room and starts talking everyone's very confused who wants to work on film why do you want to work on film i think most other nights burke pesci would have ran away with it oh absolutely awkwardly ran away really fast yeah the only red herrings were at the craft service table and james and james [Laughter] where'd the red herrings go it's a murder mystery what do we do what do we do did you get your test results positive the dancers are getting smaller in number two they're leaving that production now he's got the guitar dennis is on that organ baby it's like wayne newton meets jerry lewis oh yeah right into it he's a professional oh yeah we don't need the sexy looks we don't need him in the video we're getting all of them baby whole lot of dentists that's just the title of the video he's making love to that organ and he's letting us know it and yeah right kids just like you and me spend 93 billion bucks on cds walkmans how rich are you oh god it's so cold [Music] [Applause] [Music] you know it was a long video it was christmas with dennis this guy sucks i miss mary i miss mary apple mary applehofen her worms i never thought i'd miss them the cameraman his mind was elsewhere he was only interested in one particular dancer because he kept focusing on her it looked like an air guitar this is this is going to be a tom's festival moment my friend all right he's doing the full on like who swing and then it moved on it happened 75 times how did you not see it apparently i missed every [ __ ] time i'm in the dennis spirit the dennis spirit yeah no he is translucent like half the time the cover reminded me of something you'd like see in the internet like cursed images oh cause this looks like he doesn't have legs this is the one where it looks like he has no legs it looks like her feet are probably onto the keys [Applause] there's a ghost oh no rudolph died listed on the tape when we recorded it and she has in the opening credits it's her name and then she has the same last name as dennis and our first thought was oh that's his mom it's not going to be his wife that's his mom so oh my god oh my god the thrusting santa is coming to life is he gonna thrust he's just gonna walk up behind dennis he came to life and then when he was done with his crimes he had to move him out again take it all down this is all alleged of course he doesn't cut to the thrusting santa once during the jesus songs that's true are you saying we get fincher to direct all right hey i like how this is going we need fincher to direct this just this static shot that doesn't move we need to direct him to direct benedict can we give him like an old like yes david fincher will have a video toaster rich it could be d.b cooper he used his money to buy that organ oh my god wow wow he needed the money to finish his christmas video [Laughter] oh that's where the dad lives oh they're divorced yeah they're done oh the dad lives in the car that lives in the car i get it rich it's in wisconsin it doesn't necessarily have to be uh around christmas time it could be right now it could be yeah it could be like july and it's that cold yeah so what'd you get how'd you do well i've been [Laughter] it's to keep them warm that's a big screen tv it generates a lot of heat it would do it i mean it is the 90s you know yeah big big tube right yeah even the projection thing richie you need to you need to like be the guy who writes the pull quotes oh she's dead i'm waiting for the tennis ball to hit her and she just falls down who told you to look [Applause] they're doing our own thing if i turn around i'll die we should we should point out that these two women are as far away from each other as possible for most of the video [ __ ] are they doing they're just moving cherokee the whole [Laughter] yeah that's what's happening that is it this is how the swingers party starts off yeah after this it turns into hardcore [ __ ] oh no oh no lori how's um how's uh is it not harry harry yeah how's harry i'm not even looking over there [ __ ] it exercises it kills your blood exercising destroys your red blood cells don't worry if you're not following the exercises perfect just keep moving and have fun [Applause] because no one's in charge of anything an elderly person at home is like which one am i supposed to be following they're all different don't worry if your exercise class is a [ __ ] show like this here's the thing i'm fairly i'm fairly sure she's just surviving on hate alone she's she's too spiteful to die yeah they're looking off off camera to their handlers where's the rum is it over this way did they put peanut butter in harry hoffman's mouth to make him talk he's like this exercise is is good for the heart although i would have paid good money for that sal pacino yeah i'm gonna tell you your future do you tell me where the rum is dense and short like danny devito but if if you're making one of these videos anyway you're being filler and rich is being dense and short rich rich make your brilliant point i i love those elderly weirdos i love those elderly weirdos elderly weirdos so we watch this movie for that you know what this is a good this is a good starter this is the good i told you i don't trust you [Laughter] nickelback concert oh close huh huh 2 000 it wants its joke back so the arms like going on a solo career is this the story of jeff leopard oh michael 1984 called it wants to know what the year 2000 is this is gonna be good and six hours [Laughter] you're gonna need a bigger cross which is a reference to the exorcist what's so funny i'm just thinking about that one sitting on the edge hey when father father kara says we're gonna need a bigger cross right yourself the body is just kicked in no no we're not doing this anymore like walking into traffic like i just it's like that survival instinct that's the thing about almost dying emily it is a real buzzkill yeah that was the [ __ ] quote the more you know normal yeah what's going on this makes the movies better [Music] oh that's music what'd you think it was like bacon frying [Music] oh my god now we're watching a muppet movie [Music] [Laughter] holy [ __ ] why did this become awesome this has turned into the best [Music] the firework in front of the camera well you you helped me pick shark exorcist that's that's this is your fault you sure partial blame db cooper versus bigfoot yeah this is the the other side of that and sadly this is one step above that i was gonna say one step below and we're like oh this seems to be taking itself relatively seriously let's watch the whole film the whoops [Applause] [Laughter] it's only 70 minutes how bad could it be then we cut to modern day and they're they're modern day is one year later it was one year later yeah oh sorry technically speaking that is modern day turns out there is no beach there's no sand is that is that more or less comfortable than the person who might actually be a child later on in the movie [Applause] can we can we just stop talking about the movie in the mall outside of climbing we don't need to keep doing this unless jay that's our job oh no they put blood on her leg we're horrible sharks that's the shark fight jeez as [ __ ] that's not a life-threatening shark bite it's not a bite it clearly is a shark scratch the shark wasn't anywhere near oh nothing happened oh damn hello i'm nancy chase and welcome to another episode of ghost whackers uh yeah i don't know yeah she's playing a child yeah okay that's it is it better if she's playing a child i don't know i don't know if you say this to her cameraman he can edit it out yeah is yeah do you think the actress forgot which camera was the real one because they were both that same little handy yeah she just like look at this one i mean this is like a home movie basically yes but it's even worse because because it's like okay you you can't you can okay it's weird it's weird uh the movies just stopped a shark came out of the supernova what was that i don't know what the [ __ ] is any of that someone went to mardi gras oh i mean it's clearly not a movie anymore if it ever was it's not now the human brain cannot accomplish well i think the point being that don't watch shark exercise no do not support this film or anything this man does we've we've we're different people than we were at the beginning of the night yeah yeah it's arguable nightmare that's the only choice really until what do you got for the best of the worst shark extras i'm so sorry you have arriving fetish [Laughter] oh no you're not really picking sharks pardon me you mind i i do actually sure if you're picking shark exorcists i do mine you shut the [ __ ] up it's my time to talk understand here this is the movie you're picking maybe some some weird fashion to be the best movie we've seen tonight no no best of the worst uh it was new to the palette palette may not have been the best word mike what does dirty seizure porn taste like dirty shark yes it was weird uh i'm going with i'm going with shark exorcist as best of the worst pressure's on you jack oh the pressure yeah yeah there's literally no pressure because it's rock and roll nightmare because it's overall a fine horror movie and then the last seven minutes when he turns into an angel is brilliant yeah what the hell is wrong with you i enjoyed it no you didn't we all just we just talked for an hour about how it was the most uncomfortable we've all been let me clarify like if like making an ebon costello movie without abbot and costello in it but it takes place in the world that they inhabited the previous ghostbusters the 2016 the first trailer when that dropped and it was like an atom bomb of terrible and everyone was immediately like oh no except for lewis tully he's kind of like the odd man out jay we're living in a brave new cgi dead actor world it's true you got james dean coming back and if you notice there's a stack of books in the background and i was like well stack of books in the originals because they were in a library and i think they've gone the smart route i'm gonna say it was more intentional than you're saying uh it's clearly intentional maybe it's not going to be goes or maybe it's just going to be the ghost of evo shandor okay i mean that's still too closed as far as i'm concerned because there's also it's because it's so detailed and so realistic that it makes it funnier when bill murray doesn't give a [ __ ] now i gotta get back to the home [Laughter] i was a ghostbuster once sure you were old man sure you were that would actually be appropriate and nobody takes them seriously i would be fine with that so it's it's weird to think that this trailer is is has so much reverence for the first movie when the one word i would use to describe the first movie is irreverent so ghostbusters is tarnished and sony sucks so and there was like promotional stills of all the little kids wearing ghostbusters costumes and i'm just picturing sony going like it's called a red storm trooper or a sith trooper now the thing with like a storm trooper that has force powers yes that's the thing oh that's so stupid oh my god it's two guys who have been on ellen that's true yeah look at that we're at the club max from the ellen club that's not these [ __ ] kids santa claus [Laughter] but you know he was just drunk honey he didn't mean this is me huh well they're more boring than scary no they were horrifying all right so our our movie opens up with the local news station doing a report at the at the porno porno films yeah that's being filmed in front of a four by five foot blue wall as the news would report on such an event oh yeah this new form of entertainment uh men will really enjoy it's a lady taking her clothing off that scene actually happens in the film it's the sleazy italian man who's cheating on his wife who who's at home with two kids this is our hero he's abandoning his children to have sex with someone in accurate ohio it doesn't it doesn't have like the the the creepy realdown bust of me okay yes you're making i saw you're making one i have a paper mache well see theirs didn't have arms or a bottom mine does a [ __ ] it was like a a a gardening tool a dollar store gardening a gardening fork yeah this is the titular santa clause the garden weasel is more intimidating that's true nothing spins there's all sorts of sharp edges on that mm-hmm like like a two-year-old would know how to handle that scene right you [ __ ] kill the guy you kill santa you take a suit rich are you questioning the creative decisions of the man who co-created night of the living dead i think this movie was made so the director could film naked ladies i mean i'm not sure but why did you decide to start dressing like santa claus exactly because that's the title of the film [Music] yes there was speaking of coke honestly you see you see a dong or two but not like a full dong you see a helmet or two and it's really weird boy i'd rather be doing this in the tub yeah they were meeting up in the bed they were making out in the middle of the room by the fireplace oh yeah yeah he has to run over so hard he turns into his own pants which is the pants and ketchup they literally lured him there with a delicious lesson and fell down and injured himself so badly he had to get his leg amputated yes which caused him to not be a world champion skier or world-class businessman and that's that's the woman's fault oh yeah when she ran outside without pants she should have found mustache guys pants oh hey that would have been perfect oh thank god those ketchupy pants is a 1952 mcdonald's and that's worth something in the span of five years she she gave birth to eight-year-olds [Laughter] i'm assuming they built that snowman how did he get in there like that's an awfully big snowman yeah yeah that's fine let's finish this well silent night deadly night part two picks up after the events of silent night deli night part one and if you haven't seen that film don't worry don't worry about it because the first and then he ended up starring in silent night deadly night five because he needed cash [Laughter] jay thinks 50 of a movie is okay in the case of this movie yes i do because once we thank you [Applause] falling down that'll be the subtitle falling down too the stairs jesus kirk douglas by the way we have to point out is still alive okay i was i have to say that i'm pretty sure you're still alive i will go to the thrift store and i will buy those clothes bill paxton tell me where you can i borrow five dollars i need money which thrift store did you get a similar [Music] so then we get what we've always wanted to see santa claus versus a woman in a wheelchair 100 year old woman it was a [Laughter] i wanted to see her hit like a button that's for the secret wheelchair to pop up her emergency wheelchair it's got like a ruler that waves around [Music] [Laughter] i just need to quickly uh quickly look at the name of this one okay i wonder i wonder why mac uh what is your pick for best first all right you know what i've never seen a movie like ice before it was bored out of my mind so that's my pick for best of the worst honestly the ending of iced kind of really tickled my my pink yeah so yeah yeah i'm switching to ice okay so we have two eyes no one eyes two eyes two eyes you didn't know what pornography was before this you learned something i learned yes you know rich you make a very good point i changed my vote santa claus all right the [ __ ] worst thing we watch tonight is now the best of the worst classes and not the most entertaining one with a great lead performance and many many many funny scenes and the mo and the you know what i'm going to vote to destroy then i did tonight i reused that other movie it shouldn't be romantic and it's on blu-ray too what what a terrible format compared to vhs so i think we're all in agreement we're going to destroy this is the worst christmas ever oh you're talking about star wars yeah and you want to get invited to future premieres and that's the most important thing jay although chewbacca was kidnapped blown up and then he was alive again and i saw him get blown up did j.j abrams spin straw into bronze do you think i think that's a good way to describe this because it serves its purpose and it could be recycled um i just wanted to wrap up my this is not my fault thing because because people have been first of all the idea that mr plinkett's saying j.j abrams would make a great director for star wars movies had absolutely no impact on j.j abrams being dire chose to direct the force awakens okay zero you don't you don't know that i guess i don't but um i never said he should write it with the guy who wrote batman versus superman couldn't they have grabbed literally anyone look it's lando we've moved on that was just the beginning look it's mas canada [Laughter] here she's like healing wounds she's like jesus yeah it's like they double down like they're trolling the people that don't like right with this one it's just them just smearing the screen with their acting chops and it's great especially that scene where she's talking to laura dern this is now a review of marriage story by the way and laura dern too who they mention in this and they're like why don't we do that maneuver that holdo did and they're like uh ignore that it's too risky it's a one in a million shot we can't do it again because the movie has to happen i don't know and it was like there's like an 80 yard line i ain't cutting my hair i'll do the [ __ ] scene but i'm not cutting my hair your hair is like really long and you look like a bum why don't you be the stupid part in this movie you're a known actress you'll work for four days yeah and i'll write in your contract that you get point five percent of the back end and you're gonna make seven to nine million dollars you're playing zory bliss like an utterly pointless character well it's the same with dominic moynihan we gotta move on we gotta move on there's other things the star destroyers look like classic stardust wait now ray has to go to this planet here's a here's a magical space coin that will grant you access mandalorian a lovely departure from star wars this is for you she found it in the same spot she found luke's lightsaber oh yes but that's a story for another time that we never got to it was in her mystery box [Applause] we haven't gotten all the navigational beacons in stock yet they're on order he hasn't wheeled them into existence yet yeah he's still working on that it takes him like like a year of dedicated concentration with sith magic to will a star destroyer i think i think they said have a devilish green that that didn't come across at all i came off as her thinking this whole thing was a farce and it's true but there's very few characters it could be what's watto super elderly watto it could have been that that super old lady who who said my bones are aching annie there's a storm coming do you remember her no he said he constantly tried to get george lucas to give c-3po some kind of moment and it was like how about c-3po does this i tried to give him a little humanity he did and george's response was always he's always scared he would come up to george lucas again and um you know george here's a moment where c-3po could save the day no he's always scared but if you're not going to have a payoff you're not going to pay off just cut that out yes they ran out of time rich the movie's coming out in two days we got to just stop editing to to out of focus females in the background kiss so progressive way to go disney no no how little can you be in this movie and how much money from the back end can you make and it's it's like a private joke they say see your eyes for five seconds just make poe finn gay make him super gay why the [ __ ] not that's how they come across in this movie just do it and then he pats her on the shoulder he's like do you remember that he's like stay back buddy she's clearly in the friend zone and george lucas was you know he was he was the second luckiest man in show business after ringo starr [Laughter] like that episode where they're on the space station so simple it's five characters total it's like one hallway set no we're not doing them or no you wouldn't recommend it well not if you're if you're prone to seizures there was a sign outside the theater that said that maybe wait for it to come out uh and and like stream it but like turn the speed of the movie down to like like one-quarter speed [ __ ] i'm not going to have i cannot have a panic attack that's the new option by netflix this will grant you access to any star just oh that's what that was [Laughter] where there's two stormtroopers and they just come out guns blazing and murder them in this giant hangar bay where there are windows everywhere security cameras now let's talk about the mandalarian i don't want to say if you legitimately like this film you have a low iq but if you legitimately like this film you have a low iq [Laughter] it's like you're on the the little cart going through the haunted house but none of the scares are very spooky so they just have the car go by really fast well was that a monster what was it was that a what it's news to me ray's theme what the [ __ ] are you talking about are you racing from ghostbusters does ray have a theme ray parker junior's theme rainbow oh yeah yeah that's a great theme what's her name uh billy bobby brown billy brought billy bobby brown millie bobby for bill milly bobby brown which is funny because bobby brown did a song for ghostbusters too it all ties together like the force i quit i quit star wars i'm done i'm never talking about star wars again bye see how we talk about the mandalorian we'll see when we talk about the picard series and ghostbusters 2020 and everything else that's coming out that just continues to ruin our lives [Laughter] goodbye everybody like you you hit it in the head with the [ __ ] hatchet and then it's just sitting there for a while and you go you poke the corpse it just sits up and when it gets back up it keeps doing the same thing let's talk about star wars some more it's a new year where people are just slapping parts on it and it's walking around screaming and no one knows what it is right the mandalorian but except for a rise of skywalker there's 48 stories oh god anyways we're not gonna dog on that film today no until you bring it up again we're here to talk about the mandalorians aliens skinny aliens on a water planet to clone him none of this has anything to do with the mandalorian no no i'm getting there i'm going through the history um we don't know i'm sure there's a backstory in a comic book or something that blue guy was not dangerous you just need a couple zip ties the guy who created ig 88 would have to get royalties right so they call him ig-11 why does werner herzog want this little baby is it is it is it like a richard gere situation mandalorian is very concerned [Laughter] this ship and that's the cool thing too the ship is so boring you know what i mean it's not it's not a super special ship that's another refreshing thing about mandalorian it's just it's not star trek discovery i'll take that any any day over michael burnham crying on screen it's like i know he feels sad for baby yoda i know he's he's being regretful here i know he's making a hard choice here and he's wearing a tin can you could see like the putty that's holding on the horns it just looks horrible the makeup was it going too far when they couldn't hit the can that was like five feet in front of them that was perfect that was perfect what's wrong with a little comic relief in star wars i liked it there's a lot of great things in it it's well worth the watch yes this is coming from two elderly men that hate star wars um uh john favreau and dave filoni and everybody else all the great writers and directors on the show have brought it back to life from the grave that jj abrams stomped it into um i i just picture them going to yoda's little tiny lazy boy chair and pulling one of his hairs could bib fortuna be a mandalorian wouldn't he have to have like a gigantic like garbage can sense of it you know what i mean he'd be sliding along with a jet pack he'd need like six jet packs he'd be like like like a foot off the ground on some maybe the nerd crew i was like there's the there's the scene where three exactly three tie fighters chased the millennium falcon through the thing you know that happened in the first one um yawn the mandalorian with the rocket pack flying up in the sky i heard in season two of mandalorian brian singer is directing an episode and he's introducing a character called the namblorian is gonna take off the helmet it's kevin spacey [Music] so here we are because things was the actual worst movie i had ever seen but emphasis on was it was never released and i don't know why i'm not sure american genre film archives okay and after this can they be now classified as a terrorist organization possibly then the brother stands up and says are you [ __ ] my sister to which i believe the answer is not right now yeah well she proclaims apparently what is the answer here uh but then uh michael cera starts shooting everyone in the room [Music] oh my god oh no you're going to suffocate it's not for babies [Laughter] you're doing it wrong sir [Music] it's part of my code of ethics this is the way this is the way she goes he's in a bad mood because last week all three of his daughters killed themselves would you like a hot dog meanwhile audio from world war ii is playing what i don't know much more this i could take it's giving me anxiety is that his voice coming up or is that on the phone i think it's speakerphone now i'm really not sure what's going on but we don't want the black community what is he talking about who's this now that's the same audio again then ultimately when it's time for him to slide down she just unlocks the [ __ ] cuffs anyway and then he just slides down that was his moment to escape he had a lot of me need them he's not going anywhere maybe this is a cautionary tale about the use of chips in your brain to follow your body where they meet up with some other fundamentals that's an important sequence i think it is okay now go over there and rub your friend with whiskey the most important thing is that she's a very terrible therapist whoops they just don't even notice [Applause] [Music] that it doesn't work that way and his indian girlfriend said no don't kill him get over get over it and then he shot her he shot her in the face because because he could never forget he can never forget stop feeding them oh geez that works suckers where he delivers a pizza box filled with guts there's two girls arguing about something and we can't tell because it's recorded on the phone on thomas edison's first recorder this film is very much like pulp fiction in the way that oh you said is with a straight face i did that for comical effect he took that term too literally oh boy none you mean i have to make my film non-linear we should mention that barry j gillis he did a rough cut of this film back in the 90s when he made it and it was not up to par he did not think it was good enough and that's why it didn't get released until now [Laughter] the writers know as much about star trek as jay does okay jay knows that data was on star trek so jay thinks that data and picard were best friends right yes yes is this true um jordy and data were best friends he had a special bond with everyone but captain picard that sounds like the smudgy disgusting fingerprints of jj abrams and alex uh kurtzman my brain is just having too much trouble comprehending basic science and harry mudd's army of sex slave ladies i forgot about them yes see that's the thing i couldn't understand what anyone was saying while i watched the show are you becoming elderly i think i am because she's like my name is [Applause] dodger that's what i thought she said then jay do you remember vosh okay the writers don't remember that they don't know what that is rich they know borg-cube is is living in boston they put a bag overhead i guess to suffocate her it has ether in it or chloroform they're going are they are they like hipster assassins that use like two two 300 year old methods of knocking people out they do a gotcha interview and they start asking him why he tried to rescue people and then he has to explain to the news reporter that romulans are people too and they're not just mud creatures that fox news despises i hate what they've done to the federation so she goes to picard and says help me obi-wan picard you're my only hope uh i saw you in my dream because you're data's daughter and you're very special didn't he tell data to disassemble law i have decided to allow my child to choose its own sex and appearance commander data at your convenience i would like to talk with you in my ready room counselor he's like he was he was pissed when dana made lol violent hard-ons is the fan base that's what they call themselves now we've gone from trekkies long gone are the simple days of trekkie and trekker that debate now they call themselves violent artists by the way those could be section 31 romulans don't discount them that would be like the dumbest least knowledgeable about star trek thing to do ever yes that's definitely gonna happen here's an answer counselor troy took it down after picard stormed out of the little thing and folded it up and then i guess when the enterprise d crashed in flames he made sure to say thank him to picard dave manner a stairwell that they could kick someone off of good answer because that's the correct one um you can tell me if it is possible to make a sentient android out of flesh and blood that makes no sense and i'm like isn't that a basically a person and then she laughs and says no maybe a thousand years from now oh god then she misunderstood he was just trying to get her in bed just for a nap though into and you said well someone went out in all the debris and found all found pieces of him yeah rich they they need you for that writer's room they just they when they they hit a hit a wall or they just look at you and you just say the stupidest thing that you could think of and then they go with it i was thinking they were going to use the technology to reignite their star but no you're right it's going to be a giant super weapon that will wreak havoc upon the federation because they want to get their revenge so they're they're slowly building a board cube because here's something stupid the borg are helping the romulans build the board cube because they want to get revenge on picard and earth 2. one like main one that controls all of the smaller borg romulan data android that 10 000 starfleet shuttlecrafts have to shoot lasers out no um so they decide to work together to build a giant board cube manned by romulan borg android hybrids i love it okay it's the dumbest idea we can think of it's definitely gonna happen because remember he said no one could track me so it's a it's a trap to get him out to get his dna to make a clone locutous a young version and it will be a cgi le cutis they'll clone it with the android dna yes it can android the cutest porn super cute and it'll be indestructible and they'll have to fight it at the end like a ferengi laser whip yeah yeah okay but they don't know what that is i'll just be a laser but then morgan [Laughter] write down laser weight star trek writer's room producers watch us producers and writers looking for ideas and they're too stupid to realize that we're making fun of stupid ideas are we responsible for star trek discovery too i think we're responsible for all the horrible things that would have ever happened no oh we have ruined our own childhoods mike it's a self-fulfilling prophecy [Music] [Laughter] fire safety for older adults [Music] [Laughter] running time 71 minutes that's what i like to hear [ __ ] mac i hope you win your cat wants a massage exclamation point the alternate title rub that [ __ ] here comes jesus [Laughter] what was the one what was it measuring success with standardized recipes this looks like like police video when they investigate a crime scene it looks like there's no semen on this [Laughter] seat it sucks [Laughter] baby could we do more than just talk we get nasty nasty i can't wait to get you on the phone if you're in the mood you know the kind i like i get so excited when i'm watching girl i can't wait to see you touch your body i don't think you ready for this jelly is my body too bootylicious for you babe [Music] you're going to school 2 000 miles away we're gonna go to [ __ ] [Music] oh my gosh if they came down much faster it'd be warm [Laughter] [Music] cartoon images the profiles and then she went to the next board and the guys just shot on all the bears on all fours and the other one just like that's right like kelly bear kelly sutra gotta pay for new giant glasses please don't pay for themselves bernie bernie sanders he's not clever people would be like sanders [Laughter] stalks them and eats their pizza it's like yeah he like he looks like he drinks crab juice or something like that because obviously they only heard the second half of that conversation like you were hanging out at their house in the early in the morning which means that it really did eat the amount of it's it's it's it's correct body weight correct body weight yeah which means it was pooping that amount of its correct body weight so the mother probably would have taken that same bernard to the vet this dog is [ __ ] so much saint bernard's [ __ ] so much i keep buying food for it it's like it's it's like it's a giant adult-sized dog costume the real voice of the father should have been used to dub the dog where are you going kids come back bring me some falafel what if that was what if bernie's voice was the father when were you there i didn't see you i see everything you do you can never master me you could [Laughter] i was pretending to be an angel sent by jesus i'm just i'm a space angel from we should just just turn the cameras around every now and then just just so the audience can see that there is no crew there's a guy in a wheelchair back there you shouldn't like yeah yeah i'll get both i'll be right back save the drinks save the drinks [Music] [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] [Music] one day you'll end up in that wheelchair that would be funny legitimately how'd you get in that chair kid a wheelchair accident damn damn how old were you again 22. when you said you were younger i thought you were like eight all right her clothes are soaked in formaldehyde she's just getting ready she's getting ready she's familiarizing herself with the smell we're gonna speed up the embalming process she marinates every night phone books soaked in formaldehyde i soaked these in four mandarine every night cause i love the smell and i put them next to my space heater why [Laughter] when are we going to get to the fireworks factory [Laughter] that's the simpsons reference what are they going to have a [ __ ] threesome they're the world's oldest we're going to the orgy the only fire that you should be dealing with is the fire inside your pants she just watches everybody butt [ __ ] [ __ ] butt point say that ten times fast [Laughter] yes it worked [Applause] then she decides to go home and just leave her boyfriend precariously dangling off the edge of a cliff on that point he wanted to [ __ ] butt and she's like wait wait what what the [ __ ] is this you get to relive oh yeah the 18 years that you've just experienced because you were a pregnant [ __ ] [Laughter] it's only 99 effect what does windy know do you think father time knows exactly when to pull out if he he better know that a lunch lady is like she's like it's natural yeah lunch person get woke bro and gotta wait your turn in line gotta wait until it's time [Music] that toady friend who is secretly the boyfriend's father the animation is the same put a great streak in my hair would you go [ __ ] your boyfriend he was a celebrity he didn't have to worry about that but i was just have you seen uncle buck twice anyone looks good next to giant candy he looks like five i'm sick oh boy all right have we wait tips pulling a bottle of bullet bourbon on from his pants [Laughter] we need more christian cartoons all right tim is drunk mac did you not see the bourbon pulled from [Laughter] well i'm going to need to be reminded of the first three tapes okay now that we've gotten that out of the way let's talk about star trek picard some more we watch the opener react to the opener we watch two more episodes and then we realize that we're going to be strung along for the next five months and we'll come back later i think i love picard's uh uh tal shiar assassin uh housekeepers [Laughter] why does it take three episodes to do this that's so weird to keep you subscribed to cbs all access you know that um so i don't know so they allowed 14 worlds into the federation that are filled with racist xenophobes these characters can't have internal conflicts that's michelle go ahead and try and write episodes we land on this planet and a nightmare scenario occurs how do we get out of it we've achieved warp speed we've done we've done this and that's we've we've cured diseases on our homeworld oh but we have this second class of citizens that we keep in underground caves with explosive charges around their neck and they power the giant machine that powers our cities and then when picard finds that out he goes nope there's a batman video game where he has that i'm sure yeah yeah batman does that sort of stuff um so and he holds up this like rod and it's like a laptop and he presses and the screen comes up and then they go through this very long spiel about hiding codes and you know hiding this and that and encrypting this and then we had to trace back all of the phone calls she made blah blah blah why don't they just take that that'd be theft mike and then she says it's that they don't like androids [Laughter] [Music] where's whoopi goldberg when you need her that's how sensitive the federation was to not being awful slavery what yes he wasn't traumatized then seven nine well he was but just not as much not as much he doesn't talk like a robot the rest of his life he's all [ __ ] up um so the jodvash hired dejal jaj to work for them remember she was left in command because nobody was around she's like i'm the doctor so yeah that got destroyed um hello who knows maybe they said you are fated to be something great what that is i don't know keep watching and then they had they come up the whole plot of the there has to be two of them because the other one was a cue so they made a robot version that looked like her as a decoy because she's going to go like this you're starfleet you're through and through yeah which means he's a racist xenophobe which means he's mad and angry you're in a car that's going five miles an hour down the road a to a cliff essentially yeah isn't that all the the alex kurtzman uh star trek projects are riding in a car very slowly towards a cliff right and they cornered the female shapeshifter into a wall as she was diseased right and they surrounded the plant and they said you're done right germans were desperate and throwing 12 year olds in the front lines as the russians were [ __ ] curb stopping [Laughter] um do you remember when when dinosaurs left the earth yeah star trek voyager i do remember that yes where are they at let's get them involved the cat that'll be in the captain jane wade cbs all access series she's david janeway yes jane lane the dinosaurs like tammy and the t-rex tom paris is a salamander now he went so fast he evolved he went so fast he turned into a salamander voyager did so much and i don't think he gets credit for doing so much and sure you got to stick your neck out every once in a while and write a tom paris salamander episode you don't know how it's going to turn out and then and then in the next episode like the very next episode she'll give all of the federation secrets to the borg because because she wants a foot massage her crew desperately needs foot massages so she's willing to completely compromise her values inconsistent at best this is what i say but there's a lot to talk about star trek picard there's nothing to talk about it seems like it feels like something's happening but nothing is happening no it's called star trek star trek picard is the official title it has nothing to do with star trek or picard though he's doing the same exact thing wearing the same exact outfit the same underwear too in the same underwear he hasn't changed his underwear in 40 years am i making a mistake in trying to understand the story of the show they did not think about this at all and not just enjoying the violence is that my mistake mike i don't think you understand how brilliant this show is brexit [Laughter] refugees all over the galaxy right that's plot one and plot two is something with the borg right yes and then say the universe is a better place without borders to fall in line with their their political angle and then and then she's going to go like this and put her arms out it's going to scary music's going to swell and all these borg parts are going to start flying and attaching here she's liquid is going to become q is q going to become data's cat is riker going to become troy have you lost your [ __ ] mind forward phasers this show has made you break up just start spewing nonsense i can't even respond to anything you're saying because it's just i don't know it's just like the slop is coming out of your mouth but ultimately he would have known it's not wise to start a lot of trouble seven minutes before you leave the planet right well maybe that is a good time to start a lot of trouble my my thing is too and then they they know to beam up elenor he never even mentioned that yes you could just say a random word from the english language french bread when i first heard seven of nine was gonna be on the show i totally expected her to be working at the daystrom institute you know using her intellect let me tell you about a man named alex kurtzman she's a vigilante warrior in space she doesn't use her sophisticated mind burrito but you're right member berries uh romulan old romulan warbird looks good in a trailer and then they're like oh bruce maddox is being held by vaginine whatever her name is um help me listen to me please if you're out there help me she's the one that killed ichib right from star trek voyager i hate her i'm all in on this mission right clearly manu was wrong to attack anthony rapp and to say all those horrible things about him but it became oh so clear why they ripped out ichib's eyeball and then shot him in the heart with a phaser seven of nine's quest to find her humanity ends with her being a violent psychopath oh captain jane would be so proud of all the lessons do you remember that time when captain picard uh uh was was was drunk and 10 forward and he was singing like a sailor songs with the crew [Music] honor we call you who are so free as the sons of the waves uh that's because that wasn't captain picard it was it was a replacement that an alien put there who had no idea what captain that's what that felt like captain picard has never done a wacky accent they don't care they don't give a [ __ ] mike we are the only people i care anymore do you remember picard is the guy who does this do you remember he's this this is this is cancer picard's character now for an entire for like two generations we're [ __ ] old he's this guy who does this and [ __ ] patrick stewart wants to put on an eye patch and dance around an alien bar go ahead [ __ ] we'll write that in i i hearken back to a wonderful little moment on star trek patrick card wants to ride a dune buggy [ __ ] yeah here's a dude buggy do you remember that's how much respect they have all i'm trying to say is kenta picard would not do a wacky accent no of course he wouldn't of course captain picard would captain picard isn't here he's not here it's all an illusion was a wonderful uh moment in star trek the next generation and everything picard has done everywhere his entire life why did picard go down on this mission because he wants to save sojeep and he's got to be personally involved you just have an answer for everything um do you remember ichub so it's four children i think there might have been five i don't [ __ ] remember um but each other was the older one he was like 13 14 you know and he's like i'm like a brilliant genius i don't want to just plant crops and then they escape from the borg and they say [ __ ] all y'all dial on the planet you deal with the borg that was pretty shitty and then they leave stay in the delta quadrant egypt this is this is what grief looks like [Laughter] didn't you like the part when they go to free free cloud that's it oh free clothes a free car it's free club it's in there do you like the part when they go to free cloud right and then hers is like you want some drugs and she's like how did you feel about the subplot with her and her son oh it it happened and then it ended with absolutely no point that see that would be a great episode the replicator malfunctions on the enterprise right it gives everyone diarrhea everyone has the runs and there's like some kind of like crisis happening like outs like unrelated crisis but everyone keeps having to run to the bathroom doctor crusher works on a anti-diarrhoea yeah you see like this brown sludge coming down the tube into the warp core dr crusher's working on a cure for this this nasty nasty stomach bug you guys are doing such a good job preserving them on your on your uh moisture resistant shell so that's the wall why does he have a bazooka [Music] don't shoot the girls if only you just waited leo eventually they would [ __ ] three and a half stars from science fiction chronicle says a fantasy epic in the tradition of harry potter and lord of the rings oh that was fun hey she stayed in character she did it was a salvageable take probably the only take but that's fine let's uh well let's just talk about what she's the best of the worst you live your life you make millions of dollars in the mob you're a successful career criminal and then you you go to retire in a rusty shack really proud of my house the shack is crumbling around man uh the big big tall german guy whose real name is werner herzog [Laughter] [Music] i look into the eyes of leo fog and i see nothing but darkness is coming with 50 kilos of pure [ __ ] this movie is 50 kilos of pure [ __ ] snap wow i had phone dropping they were by my ad i didn't notice them and they're robbing like the local like convenience store and flower shop for eleven dollars this is our new home all the buildings are ready to collapse [Music] oh this is it guys we've made it we made it not just former mafia hitmen but former mafia hitman living in a town with literally no laws that's true yeah for now i'll get you later yeah i don't have all night low blow [Laughter] we gotta watch max magician in the legend of the ring there's so many other films well she's very upset because her father gets exploded into another dimension oh my god that was a spectacular did it disappear the entire car was atomized listen honey it's called the quantum rep [Laughter] he was he was climbing up a dirty hill where do you think he's beating up homeless the [ __ ] you gonna do with that oh you like a shovel head how would you like a shovel head i'm sorry what that's your big line oh yes it was he spent days thinking of that [Laughter] only low blow could have lured kinkade out into the desert so that a tremor could have swallowed him up we would have solved the whole problem mike you're going full hooper here and i just gotta say i'm with it i'm with him does your plan involve fire no richard oh thank god it involves ancient why does he have cereal if he never eats breakfast he eats it for dinner he might he might have cereal for the lunch she just likes to be really lazy you just have an answer for everything whatever we do we better do it fast stop this carnage let's go stop this guy let's do something fast please do anything fast they've spent two months we haven't done jack [ __ ] well they shoot off camera and then later they get shots of other people getting shots that are completely disconnected i'm going after him not by yourself yeah it's between me and him [Music] he's so passionate about his films how did kim kate get here who are all these ladies this is like a titty bar but there's an actor in the film who also goes well he's talking on the phone oh yeah there's don junior who's you know he does it because he's like he just did six lines of blow before the taking maybe it's like mr red and they put peanut butter in his mouth just like a double his lines later did after that last scene did leophone just stop chasing him yes he left where he was then went to an unrelated bar to ask where he is it's like the scenes are out of order that that led to the what may be the longest consecutive rich evans laughter [Laughter] all right all right man he's in the warehouse on carson street you know the warehouse you were just in he's not in the warehouse on carson street [Music] he wasn't a rabbit did he just stumble across it that's right oh no he's at the warehouse this is that same warehouse jesus christ this is madness this is insanity it's insane he's just trying to break into a car just randomly look at the [ __ ] just runs that movie is the antithesis of sense and logic it literally is that's a pull quote right there yeah i i said it would cure insanity it's like you're on a roller coaster into your own grave i don't know how to explain it like people say that like the grave of reason mike mike my concept of bad movies is entirely changed after seeing robot in the family like people say the room is bad tommy you watch this the helmet is hidden inside of a replica of a full-size statue that's an unrelated ancient priceless artifact that has been stolen that's what i mean when you say this is like a dream when you say this is like a dream how it's like based off of the back of the box and the front of the box you're thinking that this movie is going to be about a robot and a family yeah it is not no the it's not even about the [ __ ] robot no there is a robot and a family and then he has a gigantic foot cast on why did he put a cast on his foot at all i don't know and then the receptionist is it looks like max headroom [ __ ] the tin man yeah factory a lot of a lot of influence on this phone and you know the robot and so then they're like oh no he stole our new friend and they have to get him back like a like a family film would do now i know how you feel when i make you do picard videos [Music] you can call him salah i understand that reference but he's gimli i'm only calling him sliders not because of the show because he really likes tiny hamburgers and i i feel bad for him legitimately he got paid i'm sure it wasn't much work he lost the bet he was he was like gambling it was him and it was the writer of uh moonstruck joey pants and joey pants and they they all lost big they're all in vegas and that's why julie payne's got the associate producer's credit joey pants john rice davies and what's his name john patrick shanley they're all in like like somewhere some bar they're in the high roller room at like the horseshoe casino yeah yeah they're just laughing like i had the stream last night about this this is like a robot that could detect gold i had this [ __ ] plot that makes no sense let's make a movie i didn't dream about an ancient helmet being stolen from the middle east and i had a dream about a nurse with a cast fetish [Laughter] whoever whoever loses the los angeles raiders football game has to make this movie and they all lost it was a tie it was a rare tie so they all had to make the movie well i think joey pants came out on top john patrick shanley had to be in the costume he got hospitalized he got he he had the low end of the bat the the point spread you know and it was like oh you got to be at the [ __ ] costume with a robot they sing gold diggers that's that's the understatement of the year what a weird night i clicked on user reviews and the first one just says what [Laughter] does the second one say no it's the best review possible god but yeah he gives this like emotional scene about you know his struggles and his background and then we cut to the next scene and a guy takes his [ __ ] on the floor the most they could do was a a 600 square foot one-bedroom apartment in manhattan and also which cost five thousand dollars a thousand dollars a week to run and then also how about you guys run this dance club it's ryan i know about the hampton inn [Laughter] yeah this is what i'm talking about [ __ ] we're gonna have so many bar mitzvahs in here how many magical wedding memories that people had in that location the same location that this uh a quick note about camera work oh yeah yes as well yeah oh they're gonna use that dolly look they swept dolly and back the only difference is that the werewolves can be out during the day but the vampires are also out during the day they just say it's night the scene where there's sunlight blaring in the windows it's night time ignore that both are immune to day for night [Laughter] the blood donation doctor was packing heat the fact that ancient vampires stored blood vintage blood in his blood bank which was one old refrigerator yes in in a strip mall shopping mall like store front with no drywall they would say hey hey guy look a little like occasionally vampires or worlds may show up looking for this blood don't take your glock out and try and shoot them he wanted that promotion it made the most sense because when you have something valuable by alex kurtzman can you talk about that in detail african-american culture absolutely you are the authorities i'm the authority obviously let's let's have these four middle-aged white kids wisconsin experience about the black experience oh yes absolutely listen i've listened to a wu-tang album with you in my time i know i know everything about it showdown bad leo fong bad bad low budget should we blow up magician max and the legendary yeah this is fun why not tape doesn't work anyway it doesn't work and it's a horrible rip-off i have a secret uh well actually i don't think it does now no uh because it the the we're jumping ahead to the grief planet and we gotta we gotta we gotta start at point a i forgot can we do this like jeopardy who is alex kurtzman what is a [ __ ] [Laughter] soji looks up in her dream and she says i see a red sky with two moons they're blood red moons and all i pictured in my head was data at the station and the enterprise there are approximately 2568 points that match that criteria and i said that's star trek everyone every stupid person just wants to distill it down to the board he was a borg once a bork we said this from the beginning vineyard that burned down yeah but it's back it's back i mean it looks back baby it's bad it's back no one's ever really gone uh so it's picard troy and jordy and they're all just standing there and picard's like you know he didn't have like a little sit down with janeway you remember he should have and jane was ah i was blowing up borg cubes left and right just smoking when something comes up that's contradictory my brain instinctively tries to understand it oh mike let me tell you about a man called alex kurtzman he thought that was the most badass line he ever wrote it's so [ __ ] badass i started crying he said search borg and star trek and then like pictures came up of all the episodes that's what happened after the camera cut after after that that like 180 degree pan mr laforge music calls fire but first take a picture it's from my instagram i'd like to assume that in starfleet there are more higher ups that exist that will listen to picard than some nasty old that keeps calling him a [ __ ] right that's his roadblock everyone is out of character hell mostly picard is out of character yeah actors producers editors writers no one cares at all about the material they care about making it and so a lot of a lot of my thoughts were all wrong i thought commander oh was a secret robot they teased you too i know because they even had the scene where she takes off the sunglasses i know it's like they knew i said that no mike you're wrong look at my eyes you [ __ ] um i was like no oh i think i'm wrong about the romulans creating the borg too so i i failed my major prediction it was worse than i that think that was possible uh this [ __ ] like [ __ ] that and every time every time maybe maybe naric is making all this [ __ ] up that's a possibility the dream walk was just like but they had a special room built for us like the sister goes what is this room i don't know i made up some [ __ ] [ __ ] about some ritual we don't do rituals we have hard labor camps there's a program in the computer about building a human reflector suit to reflect solar flares right and so she she flies into space wearing a like a giant mirrored spacesuit it's experimental designed to reflect solar flares and for some reason it's person sized and it has a jet pack on it and also has wings and they go agnes no agnes no she's going to fly up into the sky and it's going to be all dramatic and she's going so agnes flies up in a reflection suit and deflects the laser and it shoots and it hits the the robulen sister right in her and then she explodes in a a bloody red mist slowly slowly she's gonna ah the wave of explosion's gonna slowly come up her body and then her skin starts bubbling and it burns off her face and we see this skeleton is screaming oh it's going to be so great claw your [ __ ] eyes out better hit him with a rock bash your head and own head in with a rock uh which seems counterproductive if you're trying to mourn people i'm with commander o wipe them all out so that stop taking my vision of what the show should be and bringing it back down to reality that's what you're doing and it's it's very harmful i'm trying to make sense of this remember when the show is a touching story about picard that was never gonna happen and you know it they don't even know what's going on the all these thousands of ships or why they're fighting in a battle they're just there because jadvasch uh so we have let me tell you about a man i used to tell about a man he gave his life doing what he thought he was what he thought was right since aren't all so bad ancient ones perhaps you're right so picard tubes shoot into his spine his eyes turn black he becomes the cutest how much credit will you give them if picard does sit everybody down at the table oh god all the credit in the world if the ancient ones are like a guy in a black cloak who looks like skeletor and there's some there's like a smoke machine you know when the the ancient ones arrive it's like that your eyes can't handle what they really look like they're so powerful and so ancient but they look like a guy in a bad skeletor makeup look at frank langella back and they kind of explain why they don't like androids but their argument's not too good and then uh the production assistant hits the smoke machine button sort of fills up the room and then they back out slowly because they were developing hate weaponry what if this weapon what if they sent it like that such a such a climax huh it's gonna get wild and those are our last two episodes yeah and uh i'm gonna blow my brains out with a phaser this is the only thing i have to remember the other thing i had to remember this is my most possession let me just slam it on the wall you must have gone around [Laughter] i should have kept my original name holden holding my diggy i should have kept my original name holden holding my dickie i'm sorry i just started turning them woman holding a gun on the cover hmm so she's sick rape while waving a gun around maybe maybe she's defending herself what the [ __ ] are you doing to me starring old-school kung fu idol tiger yang mickel's devil's gambit sammy hung's warriors 2 dragons on fire bruce lee i don't know what you're saying are you speaking another life i don't know what i'm saying either mike sharon's just nonsense sharon used jane deed the last horror film and scream queen jewel shepherd chained heat used af return living dead jules shepherd as the standout nude scenes lots lots of explosions psychotronic video lots of explosions and nude scenes that's the sentence on the back of this box jewel shepherd has the standout nude scenes lots of explosions that's one sentence so there's lots of explosions in her standout nude scene i hope so that's a whole different kind of movie she's gonna be walking away from the explosion let's do it what's going on somebody tells you what's going on no peanuts you got punks [Laughter] so we made everyone watch me reading the back of the box for her name is cat a film we never watched so i'm surprised very quickly read the back by linking up hundreds of friends on their home computer even the guy wrote this is struggling with some kind of logic yeah i've seen lots of those it's nothing oh it's just a gold coin so it can't be worth anything and that's usually the goal of a nerd is to win the girl in the end with your nerdist or if it's revenge of the nerds with rape there just isn't a course on how to be a mayor's daughter some days i think that songs are really brilliant is there a course on screenwriting yeah you should have done this before the race started oh jerk won the race i mean all the all the we we talked about the ending right i think where i don't know if it was this movie or that movie where extremely basic is this in the in the it's like a fact fun fact on imdb the only film directed by someone in a coma the director was unconscious on life support while filming the movie i don't want to hear you guys bad-mouthing panther okay the 80s were disservice to metal a hair metal was was a blight on humanity that was the most amazing explanation pretty close the movie makes so much more sense now than it did while we were watching that how about this terrorists have taken over the nakatomi plaza building there is a a cop it's all perfectly clear it's a well-oiled machine do you remember when do you remember when uh and he shows up at the airport and a government guy was like hey tiger king you want to help us with this thing he's like no no i got i got stuff to do i gotta go be in a parade yeah this is some shooting the rodeo yeah i don't trust fight you turn on his own mother if you know there's a prophet to be made i know she's in her blue mix she was an undercover cop posing as a porno mag photography actress model thanks did i just say photography actress you did it the word model that's you know what that's one way to describe a model a photography actress my question is after she got the police what they wanted somehow it gave the police information to move forward with some other aspect of their investigation what that is i have no idea or you have one toe pointed up and one toe pointed down but you have you have to reverse them though it's only weakness this all sounds completely legitimate it's such a powerful explosion that it turns night into day multiple times sponsored by the foundation for a compassionate society more hippie [ __ ] but maybe weed stop it no she's not going to stay out she'll keep coming in make up your mind in or out [Music] oh no rich lasted i i have to say though after watching this video up until this point this does look like a fun party hey that's pretty good do you want us to throw one for you mike i would love a party just like this all right all right noted with images of a life turtle traversing various terrains so they're just saying literally what we watched oh that didn't help at all that just tells us what we know we saw we're not done okay okay oh okay it's like new age barbershop quartet [Music] that's a great title [Music] oh don't forget this let's need to do some of that [Music] is this where the turtle comes from yes oh my god there's an actual turtle i honestly wasn't expecting that so happy together is that song by the band called the turtles yeah it is [Music] there we go josh where were you uh of ridge would you like to talk about the same food attitude [Laughter] and that's when we got nostalgic for going to the grocery store under normal circumstances oh oh oh and don't eat dirty cat litter oh yeah we had to wait we had to wait all the way to the other wrap for that one from a fresh kitty little which smells a little bitter can make you feel very low so don't eat cat litter dude she's saying don't pick up your cat litter and put it in your mouth no you're only a freshman oh well here's a video about how you shouldn't eat cat [ __ ] but what if you're not a pregnant 14 year old is it not important at all then then you can just eat all the raw chicken and cat [ __ ] you want [ __ ] you should have seen me at 14 pal just just like handfuls of kitty litter just shifting them down your mouth and look at me today we all know the grandparents are going to end up raising the kids probably but but the the yeah rich don't tell stories about your mom yeah i i it's good you didn't really it's good you didn't about that it's pretty funny though it's funny but it's good look at this creep back here [ __ ] john favreau they're like why are you wasting your time putting all those snacks into plastic containers we're just going to cover them on our genitals in a bit anyway you're just going to beat the food out dig around in the kitty litter till you find the lump give me that nuggets it's got a hole in the bottom of the kitty litter bin [Laughter] [Music] kitty laid a big one do they still do lamaze or was that just like an 80s they're gonna say they still have orgies yeah no are orgy still a thing not right now not right now she never should have left cheers first troop beverly hills and now this she wasn't even invited i heard there was a party it's my house now what colors do i really really like [Laughter] [ __ ] out of here hear you ugly girl she just starts insulting everybody and they showed that angry dad who who was clearly drunk that a team of seven or eight drunk dads come to your house and do it yeah they have uniforms important thing is you are doing it yeah but it's a bunch of other drunk middle-aged dudes with their shirts tucked into their shorts sounds awesome show up she makes it look so [ __ ] annoying that you you will pay to have somebody else do it transfer transform your house she doesn't offer her services but maybe since we have so much money dialing we could contact her privately the actual princess gwendolyn from the video shows up to her princess party for 24 000 and she shows up it's a miracle princess gwendolyn printed a hundred princess gwendolyn priced a thousand of these dvds yeah and drove from davenport iowa to the hamptons and left them in all the coffee shops and wine bars and men's bathrooms men's bathrooms and then drove back to davenport and just waited for the phone to ring people and i had a wonderful teacher [ __ ] behind the couch and we didn't tell them and my husband would like to have his way with you after the party she has her like her son bubba [Laughter] set up that and sit up there that castle in the backyard now when i do my business with the mr of the house bubba you are right in the pickup truck with papers he's very tired he peeper wants a knife his peepers in like the front seat and bubba's like in the back seat oh yeah bubba's riding in the in the back holding on to the he's all off to the castle mama slow down all the way from davenport up to the hamptons mama this thing's made of foam board it'll fly out and augusta wins well hold on to it bubba i don't know oh now it blew out over the highway we got to make a new one mr peepers lost the stars again the daughter gets a princess party as does the dad he gets his own princess party is that his fetish yeah yeah it's a very specific clientele they're going to move down to the groin the inner thigh do you want to take this video home i was really hoping to get massaging the elderly why because former you don't know that that's our own fan fiction that's very much slander okay suspected former election election it could have happened while we were out of the room the only one that was left was mike uh we weren't watching anymore no there was we all gave war crimes aren't are you getting what i got out of this video is this going to affect your monetization or they see footage of an elderly person being rubbed [Laughter] we're done for our entire is gonna be nuked from existence scanning for content scanning for cut what the [ __ ] we're gonna we're gonna get a flag for improper cooking of raw chicken [Music] hello everyone and welcome to another episode of two old men and paper when tasha yar tries to hit a black lady with a spiked ball with the poison yeah and they're on a jungle gym i could picture kirk with a thing and a spike ball what's the problem i didn't have that music yeah okay you'd do it now and they'd say well they're not getting rid of packages to it it's under contract for three more seasons you find would counselor troy not be a more appropriate choice to speak with keiko she already has didn't help but the the ironic part is is that she's an empath now they're gonna dig her up for uh star trek picard season two and she's gonna run around with a machine gun after best of both worlds riker is guy who asks questions about what's going on that's his job picard and beverly are falling that hole and that guy's selling the automated uh laser things that are trying to kill people remember the planet that sells like like war weapons that's defunct and then i have a list of of types of episodes from star trek discovery number one violence and i'm sure there's even more and there's different there's you could blend these two together it's a shame that star trek picard [ __ ] all over it that eventually androids became slammed and picard didn't seem to give two [ __ ] i [ __ ] hate that so much that show i'm so glad coronavirus happened um it's not a fun re-watch they they foolishly allow a klingon scientist aboard the enterprise they they instantly recognize wharf as an ally he can be your your ss officer and he does recruit like a team of security people that all start doing digging he's just like immediately down with it wharf thinks he's the captain because he's got the sash he's like i must be the captain and he's like i think we should kill everyone you know and pick heart's like but mr wharf captain morph um the the head of surface security just leaves without saying a single word and you know it's not an action-packed episode it's it's not a whole bunch of fun but uh it's a smartly written episode the uh napoleonic pig warriors with the muskets what must i do to convince you people die and it's perfect and then he says eat any good books lately that line makes me laugh too it's nowhere near as clever no but it's funny yeah only starfleet would be gullible enough to take him in and help him out and space electric space fish or whatever he'll come to come to get him uh this is this is the the star trek's quantum leap episode uh and then q is there in like monk robes and he's like i'm god you're dead it's great opening q's not wrong i mean for all practical intents and purposes he is god but he's like he's like i don't you know i don't look 21. he's like well and everybody else you do that's what q says he makes a date with an elderly lady to me it's a lovely reference to the salt vampire episode of um the original star trek series you remember this and and kirk's like and he goes because bones she's a a handsome woman but you know he's just like what the [ __ ] are you talking about the the nausicans look silly playing this little game with the glowing balls it's a terrible prop and picard stops his friend from attacking the no skin and like throws him over a table you know yeah and when i saw that scene i was like he's got to look down and laugh and then it happened i was like okay okay i'm watching your canon already star trek the next generation and then q's like what oh my god what are you doing nothing changed i have this whole thing set up like all star fleet you talk and you talk but you have no grandma but you have no grandpa one of my favorite lines where you could see like the carpet cut you know like stuff like that and i noticed um and then there's the vulcan ambassador on board vulcan ambassador um behind her in the background is picard just standing there and patrick stewart falls asleep in the shot he nods off because he's it it's not his line he's just standing there and this lady's probably doing 20 takes and he and he's just he goes like this he goes like that well it's a good thing they didn't send uh three nobody starfleet security guards to go on the station so they're the captain of the flagship that's why you send a 20 year old bajoran girl into kardashian space on a secret mission because they don't come back okay i was i thought you were talking about the episode that was um die hard on the enterprise no no no that's a guilty pleasure because in this she carries the rank of lieutenant commander and she doesn't even know it miles o'brien mansplains her own rank to her and she's got the wild card ensign row former terrorist who just wants to let everybody blow up who's like [ __ ] separate the ship the the other half the ship's gonna blow up [ __ ] those people he did the simulation he's all right hello the baby should be coming out now you know and she's like it doesn't work that way boy but the way the shot is framed wharf is standing there with his arms folded like just looking elsewhere he has no interest whatsoever he does not give a [ __ ] beverly crusher's always trying to do plays she's bored um so their character flaws are showed during that i'm like oh yeah she made it she made it over there she's good on her feet all the details all those like wonderful things that you don't see in discovery everyone's yelling and exploding things miles o'brien explains it and she's like so it's like a cosmic string and he's like he's like no that's an entirely different phenomenon and then um to ask dumb questions but you know they're talking about having a containment breach in engineering and and troy's like what will happen then you know that's totally for the sake of the audience but i think everybody in starfleet should understand what a warped core breach containment breach even those little kids in the in the elevator shaft understand what a containment breach means it's the poseidon adventure in space and i saw that live on tv and i ran to tell my mom mom the enterprise just blew up and she gave two shits it's all because uh kelsey grammer crashed his ship into this well that's he's you do you remember the the the fish people that had to be stuck in those tanks of salt that's fleetwood mac it is the one where barkley becomes the smartest human being ever existed it's all barkley all the time and it's it's barkley is a man who who lives in the 24th century and apparently they have not found a cure for aspergers uh so they say his iq is like 1400 or some 1200 to 1400 somewhere in that range she's like you're the smartest human being who's ever lived [Laughter] we can't if we disconnect them from that he'll die and because i do it i can't have a crazy man running my ship right it's the most inefficient way to study the galaxy yeah i think it's pretty efficient bring him to you and then at the very end there's a little little cute sitcom ending where he walks past the chessboard you know oh and he moves a chess piece and he's like checkmate nate moves i think it's troy who says i didn't know you played chess and he's like i don't [Laughter] you got that ending where wharf and and the security guards are trying to blow him up with phasers and it's just ridiculous it's ridiculously fun data data crash lands and gets covered in in radiation and he just wanders into a primitive town and goes [Applause] i love when he interferes with the ladies class she's like everything comes from the three elements fire wood and water you mean they just don't skip skip town like like luke skywalker and han solo did forever altering the ewok culture i remember an episode of star trek the original series where they they're dealing with a primitive culture that doesn't have space travel and kirk like starts reading them the constitution of the united states we the people this document says we the people [Laughter] you can get away with that [ __ ] back then yeah 1960s sure just pick five more that you really like that are in your top ten we can talk about them someday soon after coronavirus is over if it's ever over mike but we always have our star trek [Music] june 20th bc egypt okay hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha also i don't feel like getting up and going over to the fridge who do you think designed that cover rich is gonna hate this i have i have i have all of the questions where why when how and what what this is this is church that's one of the questions mike okay are investigating these murderers happening around the necklaces and that's pretty much what happens in the movie that's that makes yeah and now you know why we're confused oh no no no no because their class assignment in their ancient history class is to draw a picture in their college course it's a drop of truth draw a picture of something egyptian then i'm gonna paint a picture using a makeup brush all they had was her makeup brushes they didn't they don't have paint i felt it when i texted him a few days ago and he didn't reply a few days ago you didn't tell your daughter till now oh god this is a [ __ ] nightmare just just wait difficult give me a second diamond cobra goes into the give me some of your famous hot wings and he goes here they are there's a villain named barbecue who's like the local the local crime lord at the community college right the library cheers ted johnson oh that's another character who's uh yeah who's should we go around and do five more characters each let's do one character each and go back and forth until we can you know it's a really awkwardly edited telephone call you don't have to say awkwardly like you don't need to clarify just show a clip and it speaks for itself and then he's like today i show a five bedroom seven bathroom nine thousand square foot house i hope to sell it bye and he hangs up yes oh she's there for the hot wings she has a musician friend oh yeah that's a corncob pipe guy who who gets hit by a car eyepatch ladies like here's a bunch of monopoly money don't call the cops and she's like you're supposed to split it with me and he's like no what why would she [Laughter] i got cop lady who can phase through bars who's gonna say her and and he's like i'm not the baby daddy and scene [Laughter] um how does diamond cobra and the white fox how does they just say just say that just how does they how does they end up in in a bell tower wait a minute script i'm sorry i'm sorry i don't know i don't know what i'm saying in god's name let's all look for the white fox amen amen i think we've done as good a job of explaining the movie as you possibly could which is really sad but i think it's true it's a it's a train wreck on every level and it needs to be seen [Laughter] to be understood yeah i would say don't buy it for 14.99 you don't want to own this movie can we get some more films i i better jeez i'd better give her a hundred million dollars to make it original i'm sorry did we talk about the olive garden scene oh no we didn't [Laughter] stop the credits started rolling i know but we're we're going back the mom says i'm not wearing the eye patch in the olive one so a woman who's been wearing an eye patch since egyptian times won't wear it at the olive garden his life's ambition is to get revenge on this child that beat a cobra kai student and so the whole movie it's like like a looney tunes thing he's like the wily coyote it is so insanely stupid that it's actually worth watching it's so bad oh god the real villain of the entire series is karate because any time any of the characters are on the verge of understanding each other or having some sort of personal breakthrough a silly karate fight breaks out all the drama is just reset well you didn't notice at the end of that right he ends up in a body bag oh you know what i didn't even think about that yeah okay you know that's not the kind of thing that's going to appeal to people that live their lives on twitter where anyone that they have a slight disagreement with is an evil monster it's like oh the 80s bully is the most sympathetic character on the show now a little redemption he didn't know that the multi-millionaire was was secretly in cahoots with crease it's so stupid it's it's amazingly stupid oh my god look at that grandpa oh nope he wandered onto the set pony neighbor it's all about horn he teleported he's gotta teleport this is the laziest of the vanity projects we've ever seen really we'll do the meaning of life oh those guys are looking for trouble yeah you're just waiting for that waitress to go away so they can make some comments hey you apologize for calling me a mack truck maybe i'll drive you maybe i'll drive you maybe this is a game porno this is how canadians insult each other did they slow it down because it came out awkward yes film it all from one wide shot oh my god that teenager is getting beat up he didn't even do anything um that being said they clearly thought they looked very cool so that's why it's funny well not i guess it's literally homosexual our poll's just gone that got a bigger musical sting than the girls getting kidnapped that's that is shocking yes what happened you missed the ultimate the ultimate act of vanity you were throwing things around about something about finding the the ancient diamonds like he was sort of like a plot for a plot i don't know anything he's literally sitting at his lap it's better for me if i lean back their girlfriends get kidnapped when they're out on a canoe ride together shirtless that's right shockingly chased like there's no like male game we cut to the atv scene again sorry that's the problem when that's the most sexually charged scene in the film yeah is it one of those things this is your rickshaw oh my gosh [Music] the rest of that summer god get out of each other want to legally beat the [ __ ] out of someone else in a cage but but they already have that it's called hockey boom and he put it in a safety deposit box in a train station and he kept the key on a chain around his neck preach on brother everything you're saying is absolutely true can we call him rick shaw hey i approve okay or some kind of uh he's the tiger king i mean and he's got tiger blood mr thumbless his soul is is he a pervert because he can't masturbate because it's just never thought i could still maybe scott edwards is considered a serious and hard-working kid according to his university professors and the rickshaw pullers i spent all night with the rickshaw it's it's a lot easier to manifest a snake to spook a rickshaw driver to break his leg that was just so clear in his throat look the important part is that donald pleasant starts winking like a pig at the end of this film yeah that's what matters oh she's out of there why isn't she taking her own car he was the one that wanted to change cars what the [ __ ] difference does it mean to her because that's a better car okay [Music] that's right i don't even know if you got halfway you just got to like the first act well but you explained you scream i swear to god i'm gonna stick you with this thing all right i found it in the gutter i'm sure you're familiar with aids yes look all i know is that this couple they overcame a lot of obstacles he threatened to give her aids she threatened to accuse him of rape [Laughter] he saves the day in the end when the bad guy gets himself hit by a trunk oh my god but she couldn't open the safety deposit box in the lobby liquid magical powers yeah well it needed a key all the landmarks of new york city in 2002 um you know there's radio city music hall you know there's uh times square there's a bunch of smoking rubble there's uh and then and then we discovered during this montage and yeah everyone's what is so funny nothing nothing's funny i don't know you're reading way too much into this they went on the discount website to get the cheapest music rights guys we can get the real eddie money what's the way out what's the cheapest real song we can license thanks google the eddie money two tickets to paradise deal where you get two any money songs there aren't too many money songs in the film and we happen to have an official rem lazar i don't think it's official i don't think that's an officially released action figure it has our logo on the front of it that looks just like remo oh yeah [Laughter] keep away from small children in acetone so this is something a fan made for us that's great and then we have 16 other white people uh ladies that we lost track of is that the same lady a lady with a wig on jay she has cancer oh her dying wish was to be in infested well you did it she wanted him she wanted to be in a movie with zach gallagher yeah zach gallagher is gallagher's younger bro yeah that's the guy who smashes the wall he smashes gremlins with a big melon [Laughter] let's make some fire oh you know he fought for that one come on let me say it i want the camera to push in yeah that was in v 30 years ago he's doing commercials for viagra viagra 40 years after steven spielberg made jurassic park this film came out right and steven spielberg wowed audiences for one fly i didn't know you needed swarms it times it by a hundred thousand [Laughter] later in the movie tom paris saves himself with a cardboard box yes what if this is just a passion project for josh olson what if he really wanted to make the story this very original and very creative story don't put the cart before the horse rickshaw before the game sure before the gaylord um yeah good good one jay ah look out look i'll out but only six inches unless you get me a stunt double joe dante lost a lot of money [Laughter] watching the watching the production [ __ ] they're going to pull this off i for one want to take twin dragon and counter and break it in two sides so we have twins sawed into with an actual rickshaw which we have with the exception of the terrible episode where his mother is a ghost and he flies in a fire pit you know he says you want another coco no no he's trying to get her drunk i just wanted picard to go no no i meant a warning buoy and then riker rikers in the brig that's how it ends so it's like blowing up the [ __ ] egyptian pyramids somebody got bit by a snake let's make sure no one gets bit by this snake again fire a nuclear missile what would be the worst wesley episode is when he falls on a bunch of flowers and they want to execute him right and but really this the whole thing is riker's fault riker riker is it's a pleasure we get to see riker's o face which is unfortunate and and this is what i'm talking about where you have that opening scene and at the end riker and troy should have been sitting in 10 forward and he's like you know troy i should vet these i sleep with you know like i've learned my lesson do you mind if i stop in he calls wharf i suppose that would be okay we're so mad and i like the fact that when they remastered the blu-rays they didn't update any of the special effects they recreated them to look as terrible as they did back in the day didn't think about this [ __ ] when i was 11 years old right what a genius little thing to and wesley in true nerd fashion says i think i'd like to learn a little bit more about the game before i try it because that's what and and he clearly put the game in right in wesley's uh sight line but it's a 4x3 television show no one noticed that it's on their tiny little tv screens but uh it's kind of lame how data saves the day by flashing a flashlight at everybody but you know hey it worked but had they had a scene where and they they have these these these conversations with each other yelling at each other calling each other shut up shut up here's what i gotta say somebody actually like finishes a thought without being interrupted oh my god what what kind of show is this what this truly is science fiction why rich i didn't hear a single thing you said but as far as i know this is the only one that exists and it's the actual head from the monster [Laughter] and it's like those are english words uh mixed in with your weird mis uh mythical characters but it was all gobbledygook like if you said dharma globa jalad wanganagra if it were kirk spock would have done all the work picard is telling them that their captain died when he said chakra when the wall spell i understand what they're saying shakma won the wall [Laughter] i was thinking about star trek discovery that that giant dumpster fire and and waltz is onto the bridge with this just like this attitude of like i get the [ __ ] out of my way i know what i'm doing on screen he doesn't even like say hi to anybody like that's the ultimate badass moment like he comes back from the planet maybe they can really effectively communicate uh a situation or or an emergency by using metaphor that that because they just know every metaphor in their entire culture and then they're both dealing with are we in a are we in a uh technological snafu or are we ghosts [Laughter] well it's star trek so we know they're at a technological snafu so many names listed on the front of this cover do we know any of them no this is just a bunch of nobodies goddamn those kids playing with cherry bombs again we must honor the witches jay with the lowest shelf vodka available oh my god beautiful the [ __ ] is that i'm gonna put that in my script because they're pansy boys directed by frank sinatra i'm gonna make a movie that's gonna crush this genre of music [Music] oh he's taking us please he just wanted to dirty up the guest house that's so small and shitty yeah you know you don't want to clean all that you know you're a pervert you were looking through the [ __ ] pepperoni pizza pie but people pizza by people whatever it's called when you go to the website that's all it is is that that image and you click on the ch it opens up and it opens up you actually fantastic and what's behind it is a disappointing movie remind me like a like a like an old like surfer b movie where it just cuts to them and they're going like it was like that i was surprised by the huey lewis cameo in this film though i was not expecting that he was walking in the background getting going to his car look i've got talent someday i'm going to be somebody nothing is more important to me he didn't even know the camera was rolling he was an actor oh god are we going to analyze the movie with a team of scientists i need to meditate on it i really do rich is rich is condescending i see that i see that i don't care i didn't think hollowgate was that bad it's a little dull but it wasn't that bad a little dull a little a little dull now oh my god right back to the kitchen table oh yeah i'm like dang jerry springer this is what we were talking about it's he [ __ ] sucked at bobbing for apples he's real bad at it i have no sympathy he's really bad i side with the dad in this situation no let's stop at the gas station and make fun of mark wahlberg because we got time we got time and then we had the all-important lawyers scene which we we talked through let's not let's not i wanted to get wasted at the sub shop the witches are pleased we honor the witches please we honor the witches with it that's a whole sub series we could do how do you fix this [ __ ] we have that series rich it's called best of the worst it's like one of those like home renovation shows on like [Music] 30 minute segment where she's running through the woods that's got to go that's we got to take that out we got to know who these characters are that's your foundation of the house that's you know martin scorsese i passed on shock i'm dead because i wanted to do good thoughts biggest regret of my life i was really into hair metal hey listen that's why he passed it to his good friend sinatra that's a direction frank why does my character talk with the list cause you're one of those hand metal guys you know how they are you're all [ __ ] you know you're one of those how do you guys do this thing you shake your hips or what how tight do these pants gotta be [Applause] and they they're oh they're all booked up for this weekend we got two golden retrievers what if he had like like 100 pomeranians that all that all had the taste of blood that's a whole other horror movie yeah a thousand pomeranians that's the title just a thousand pomeranians they all have the bloodlust just like the it's even gremlins where they're all coming down the streets and then there's the yeah it's like the the darkness outside the front door one appears and then two oh that's cute he closed the door really quick they start jumping through the glass windows just start like pouring through the fireplace [Laughter] yeah maybe that's the problem is that they're not deadly or anything they're just very annoying non-stop extremely annoying lure them off a cliff at the end or something so they put like grandma like a crane and then no i don't have a vcr because i'm homeless press it on to the next box i just like to set it on my shelf it's good i just look at it for a while i hope it's a good movie it's a hit in my box detective stevens do you think there could have been anything done to prevent this i could have caught him child in strip club embarrassed embarrassed this is like shane black's first script now didn't know what he was doing yet remember when he went to the airport why oh yeah they went to the airport for five seconds he just shot a pimp he was just walking through an alley it's just like hey guess what bam the pimp might know something and the pimp's like i don't know nothing i'm just smacking up my hoe and then he's like die pimp and then moves on and scene and he says i'm i'm drunk it's been five days they're off the case mcgarnical but no i'm not bye hence up what's a [ __ ] have for oh my god now he's teaming up with that guy it's like eight guys versus one squad where's that third one what happened to the other cop now they have the address of the satan killer because you squeeze the balls of some guy in a bar and then the yeah and then they all die at once an hour into the film that [ __ ] scene you set me up oh my god just resets itself there is actually fairly audacious where the [ __ ] are you gonna go all of our our years of training have led to this i killed three guys today they were eating pizza in a hotel room i don't even know why i was there where'd the movie go we lost it don't fall off make a break for it cameraman save yourself yeah she's just trying to get on the elevator he blows up the [ __ ] win [Applause] it was the exposition comes from the other movies oh they showed up for a second and got killed in their cars their car turned into a toy car blew up it's like the end of the blues brothers [Music] like a piece of plastic music [Music] all those cops there and it's over hey guys little die hard with carl carl winslow finally firing a gun again and a perp mustering that courage again that is what die hard was missing carl winslow needed to grab more balls this guy we're looking for is a scum sucking [ __ ] ball biting death machine yeah i mean is it too much to ask to have something make sense [Music] so what did we learn today uh we learned that halloween is cancelled from now and forever jay i i i totally respect your decision do you no i do okay okay jay i have absolutely no respect for your position you're right it is halloween themed and uh whatever you said [Laughter] he does have a picture on imdb and when you see it you see that picture and you're like okay now i understand the satan killer you look like a director go ahead he got this serious photography package that lasts four seconds and he was able to sit in the chair and there's like motion blur or is anyone's is anyone's imdb picture a mug shot like he's actually a mug shot should be should be oh my god you always always say like a cockpit and they go on the back and when they never built a set and i was always just like this is weird and then i thought about it and the romulans have a distress signal you know anything to be fair the romulans are always up to shenanigans racist troy tells a story about how she was sexually harassed and everybody laughs a watched pot never boils you know and he's like staring at it and i'm like this is so first season data you know what i mean i've been around a while i've had six seasons to learn this show six seasons to learn like human sayings troy realizes she's hitting menopause i don't i don't know you know what i mean tristar is like good i just want to sit in the chair the rest of this shoot yes very well i'm [ __ ] miserable [Applause] that wasn't very exciting they're shooting 26 episodes this season that are an hour long they're just like move on move on crank it up that was when we had that overlapped yeah and i think timescape was your last minute substitution perhaps so you could get up to five maybe we'll never know what do you got next though rich it's a fun fun parallel universe episode it should have been warfred it was worth's dream and it didn't really happen it's not so much philosophical like as in like the soul and all that it's just it's just the fact that it just it deflates their importance and it's not on my list sucks [Laughter] q wants to teach him one final thing have fun with your friends enjoy it before you're 80 years old they all hate you and everyone hates you and your only friend's a drug addict around a ship full of murderers oh god none of the rest of it happened no no it's all a dream like parallels [Laughter] yeah that's where it branched off and then he went like star trek generations happening and timeline 348. [Applause] now all that [ __ ] happened to those movies those crappy movies so what's next rich i don't know mike it's your turn oh my god it's my turn this one opens up with what i assume is a controversial scene of counselor troy beating data in chess [Laughter] but if the monster of the week beats off wharf he's the strongest guy in the ship if he beat up wesley crusher [Laughter] so yeah don't fire because this guy's no good but but the ship blow up [ __ ] you know the guy kieran is just like well if you don't act you're gonna kill a lot of people is it right to risk prolonging this war to allow the needless deaths of thousands on both sides solely on the basis of our moral discomfort no the card's smarter than that i think he knew what was going on there they say you know our deepest apologies to the delician government about the loss they've been at war with this race forever so they're like okay those guys did it to you we understand they're a bunch of [ __ ] and then the enterprise is just like all the all the phaser banks just like blow them up instantly and then roger's like that was too easy and they do a little test on the guy he's like i'll volunteer so i could pretend to have a seizure everyone is wearing their goofy war belts yes yes they're war sashes dana asked picard ways why do humans celebrate the day they don't remember the card's like shut up i like the the card comes out of the ready room and he's like mr data are you ready to go to commander riker's party he sounds something like awkward like like they're seven-year-olds captain picard should never say birthday party who's ever running this show behind the scenes can't think of an answer fast enough so like the computer's making problems making noises the computer's been slow all day um i love that shot where data's walking i think he's walking tomalacca let let me tell you all about our defenses over here and wrecker's just like he starts questioning data's ability to process information then picard comes on he goes shut up it's an epic scene it's a famous scene he doesn't play it like koi like okay i'm being tricked so yeah he just gets mad mad and i don't blame him you know you would have like like ptsd you'd be like like paranoid that am i in a holodeck and you just you'd end up in a straight jacket right they could have done something a little more tasteful than some goofy yeah but um oh no your uh your knowledge is all 200 years out of date you don't know anything she sends a bigger waitress scotty just flies off into the sunset in a stolen shuttle craft it wasn't stolen i know it wasn't stolen i know they gave it to him we discovered you really loved this woman that you had you had passionate sexual intercourse with her you're wrong tomalack she was just a hologram and they're just like how embarrassing we didn't realize the depths of human perversion you just admitted that she was fake and they couldn't they couldn't have sex you know because she was someone else's property and and they got all hot and bothered and rikers just like he's like if you need me i'll be on holiday too for the next hour and he storms off episodes that are are good bad episodes that didn't quite work this is what you get for killing paul winfield [Music] like twin peaks the return there's 18 hours every week was an hour and it's weird david lynch [ __ ] so you want to watch that and then have time to process it before the next episode so that or diary of the dead where he's like the internet exists and he just feels so out of touch spoilers stormfront is literally a nazi not just some sort of like troll on twitter like she's actually a nazi like like she's a hundred years old although the women get it done girls get it done yeah that and then like the uh like pride bars like they take uh queen may being a lesbian and then they market it they market it all that stuff but that's a fun thing too all the stuff with homelander being like a sex weirdo is great [ __ ] in a filthy alley while they crush someone's heads drinking drinking breast milk like homelander is just the best character the breast milk is the best stuff tension where you know what all these superheroes are capable of and they're just waiting for one of them to go nuts that's why you need the boys yes yes so they can sit around in a basement i mean there's a scene where just a ton of people explode and i love it when a whole bunch of people explode so that's great and then 30 seconds later we see huey their van flips over and he comes out with like a shard of glass or metal in him and you're like ooh and like being able to balance that between those two completely different types of violence is kind of amazing that was mildred she said somebody broke under the garage we should go down and check our things bye my diamonds [Applause] oh my god that's almost as many as mean guns starring iced tea that we keep getting copies of for some reason so rich i guess rich rich is a true film critic what does the actual script behind his head represent it's clear when you look at him you're like okay that one's the writer director that other guy is a higher talent it's pretty clear which is which i hope that's not his real brother because that final scene of this movie would be incredibly awkward to watch with your real brother no no no no yes that's why the sex scenes were so awkward no honey you're playing my brother i'm gonna be doing the makeout scenes with this guy what a hunch hey they got to sell the movie somehow you look at the cover and sam is not on it in fact there's quite a discrepancy of the size of the photos on the back b for bald as in not bald okay it would be so much easier if the balding one was named ben right ben is bald yes then flip it that's so simple and elegant mike [Laughter] you just gotta invert it in your head ben is the one with the glorious head of hair arthur is the one who has alopecia right okay got it ben ben all right or he needs a toupee listen i got a system okay so what i'm saying is it goes through a lot of changes throughout the course of the film oh no oh he's dead oh someone took down the halloween decorations while he was gone in reality there's two actors that live in that hallway one lives in the bathroom but then yeah cuts to uh ben b not bald is is washing those dishes well first he's waiting for someone to say action and then he starts to wash the dishes outdoor school hallways and lockers in the midwest doesn't exist in bedfield illinois i've got my own methods and it's been working thirty percent of the time okay i still get better oh that's less than chance look the important part is that they go from la to vermont on air alaska but they go home oh here they are they're getting fedex back they hid themselves in boxes to save some money they spent so much money on the tickets okay they had to fly uh freight [Laughter] can you just sit there by the airport just wait for a different plane to go by they waited for one plane they can't wait around any longer rich we got a plane it's a plane we're tr we're going on a trip everybody you just film any old airplane that leaves the airport not realizing the markings on it say fedex grown up enough to have lop ship apparently according to the credits it was rented by hollywood rentals and then once once their deposit their deposit check bounce for the rental of the gun hollywood rentals oh now he's got a oh no space gun oh my god it comes from the future look it's either the gun or the apartment we gotta choose one or to eat ramen noodles this week we gotta we have to make the tree i already repossessed my air mattress he's like arthur i haven't seen you in seven years we're 35 years old look the potion didn't work can you believe it can you believe it can you believe it you know what i can i thought for sure taping it to the door would do the trick [Music] arthur says great i'll cook up some ramen noodles and hot dogs arthur's brother pours the potion in in their fago cola and um they're in wine glasses their fago cola and wine glasses and tries to trick him to drink the demon expulsion potion um and so that's that's what would happen but instead he takes packing tape and he doesn't have it ready before he walks over to the door so this is awkward he spends like 30 seconds trying to get to the table you think ben and arthur would have all the packing tape from their fedex flight but the christian brother has the access packing tape i don't know maybe maybe they left them some of the fedex tape it's just like a a housewarming party after the graham cracker dinner we brought you some tape that was a cut scene a deleted scene we got this from our flight from complementary from fedex air yeah it was what they passed out in the third class the stewardess passed out like packing tanks and peanuts bubble peanuts what if is it this the cardboard box that the eighth roommate uses as a bathroom bathroom and use a ruler to cut out something that's straight and one piece wait who has the money for a ruler rich talking about multiple things do you have to purchase here which is los angeles too it's the 20 store [Laughter] but also um they couldn't find a picture of jesus to hang on their set every time an old lady dies a jesus picture ends up in a goodwill right okay so jay we bought this jesus photo she didn't have a frame for this exact weird size so grandma who is now in a grave put her jesus picture in different frames so that she could hang out on a wall sometimes thrift stores have the pricing gun right a pricing gun unless it's like shoddily put on where you could peel it off perfectly and move it to another item and we've done this before um it'll it'll peel off awkwardly sure so we were 15. if well 15 to 30. [Laughter] so and um so all you got to do is bring in your own so if we find something that we really need for some a prop or something pull out that marker let's add the price or let's let's try to remove they get out of the car they get out of their their dodge neon with with 176 000 miles on it it can only it's tops not two days not three days 30 seconds so he runs in with a milk carton filled with water and then the priest says oh no now i'm gay that at least been interesting i kind of like men now i have to leave the church he shoots ben with the space gun repeatedly arthur does it to the priest with like a nail polish remover that's why they don't put corrosive acid in eye dropper bottles right like like aluminum coke cans aluminum coke cans eye dropper bottles yeah you don't got to get uh ladies nail polish remover from cvs everybody's dead oh oh it ended so tragic why did that happen it is a clown named pennywise who appears in the bunny uh it's dreams in the background he's drooling over all those delicious children to eat um but i do know who barry sanders is who played for the detroit lions who appears in this video holding a basketball wearing a basketball jersey it's all the hand which momentarily caused my brain to melt it just wrecked my brain he's like i'm barry sanders and i'm like he's like from the detroit lions and i'm like like i know barry sanders man i'm through i'm down with the honeys wait you're in the middle of the game it's never happened before you have a 50 50 chance of getting sick and i mean real sick a statement not supported by science you see lots of dweebs saying i don't want to have sex anyway yeah they're not come on oh boy it's like this would have been great a week ago the new hot single i had sex and it wasn't that good they should interview teens who've just had tons and tons of casual sex without consequences that's a companion video it was worth it it's over look at me i'm doing fine memories to last a lifetime oh y'all i'm having sex right now and it feels great y'all are suckers this is my present to myself this is your presence and then he said i'm gonna go in in between delivering pizzas i'm gonna invent the kevlar best and he did oh easy as pie guys i think he has a weird hard-on for guns and that's okay that's that's a pretty good assumption that opening though was amazing because he didn't do anything wrong just let him out on the street he hasn't raped anybody in five years yeah that's because we've had his rotten ass locked up for the last five years yeah he's perfectly cool and then he moves up to like the 50 caliber like he's like uh well if you have a bulletproof vest on this isn't gonna help but i might as well shoot up my grandmother's cadillac i hope the whole video is in the shooting cars wow [Laughter] he's clearly not a comedian nor a ladies man oh no i don't know he is he's a pretty manly man he can't lift 350 pounds hardcore ebert [Laughter] survivalist ebert this is just him showing off that he can lift weights what does this have to do with that joint and then he put a text on the bottom of the screen that said i could have done it since however much weight it was he was [ __ ] uh out of breath for the next 10 minutes he he [ __ ] pressed like four times he's just like he then set it down it's like now i'm gonna carry you i don't think he was willing to trust her with his with his beloved katana that's a man's weapon it can't be yeah it can't be sullied by a woman touching it she might have attacked them with them in order to escape he was literally beating his meat is neat packing his meat hard uh guy come man richard davis comes out and starts and shoots guns at a car followed by all right ben let him have it [ __ ] god this is you could see how much fun those guys were having they're just like yes they're in there right it's a full disclosure we didn't watch the whole tapes we do not endorse any of this man's stuff so if if he starts endorsing like white genocide ideas near the end of this we don't know we don't know we just thought it was funny when he got a pie in the face okay give us a break also at the end of each year of his life he shoots himself and on top of it all he sounds like roger ebert [Laughter] that's what makes you put your foot on that gas pedal and run that can i shoot you each year like rich does oh my god [Laughter] richard davis thanks for having me here and the first thing we have to do is get the top off so why did your wife leave you how does how to slap together a video in an afternoon when you're drunk on pbr that should be the name of the video they got it and so i've got so much experience i'm going to show you how to make a terribly average pumpkin yeah which is which is exactly how you would figure to do it on your own even without this tape yeah yeah this is the face that you curved is he drunk it's like why courtney courtney what are you doing marty it's going bad pretty you want him to breathe don't you oh my it looks god freaky we'll get rid of some of these pieces and kiss throw them on the ground your pumpkins are light years beyond the man who has made the instructional tape a drunk and knives don't go together gordy does it just fine this was this was the perfect video in terms of comedic value and length it wasn't too long what do you do to my house where'd all these pumpkins come from we're not excited this will be our first real clubhouse oh my god a small change it's gonna be hard for me to talk about because it's a very short video and i left the room for two minutes and i missed the entire thing this is like the boringest video ever and then set a cartoon form to like make the kids interested i have some more money at home we can use that i didn't know the walt disney company was doing animated educational videos in the 90s she's right there gary coleman's children gary coleman and the the lady from poltergeist this house is clean willis go into the line go into the line she's just standing [Laughter] they just answered the question the girl is just like oh university this is good for college students in florida develop your psychic power yes how can i develop my psychic powers this video will tell me yeah in 55 minutes she she works at kfc but she knows when people want the extra crispy sand dollar scissors rubbly glove posted posted notes start by trying to concentrate on being together that guy's like [ __ ] you i tried to do my laps [ __ ] like [ __ ] i got a vhs and now they expect me to have a goddamn pool and his friend said oh boy this weighs about the amount of a body drew move that blue barrel in the morning completely completely oblivious this weighs just about about as much as your wife if you're 20 there's a 50 chance you'll have sex that's i think that's that's i believe that more than i believe anything in the uh even if no one's around that's a crummy time though why is my dog looking at me funny or my grandma the celebrities are so old they should have had cleopatra charles darwin socrates socrates i mean they were all there sigmund freud what is a geek has there been a single cut it's nothing but dissolves everything is wrong everything he looks like he got mangled in a car wreck oh there's john bonay ramsay no after she got murdered we need a professional mime and jonbenet ramsey's dead body so the jonbenet ramsay's dead body won't move no the mime won't move you need to figure out a way to animate junk ramsay's body it's no waste more than lead and it's and it's falling outside the window and they're like yeah bunny sloth i don't know we're californians all we know about is bottled water and earthquakes we don't know anything we're stupid you graduate mime school and they give you your miming diploma yeah and then you're sitting around there with your graduating class and like what do we do now and someone just said children's show make a dream bunny do they give you an actual diploma or do they just it's a stuffed film that's a stuff [Laughter] i was so glad produced by build-a-bear well that's what the bunny's supposed to look like until estelle getty [ __ ] up the costume [Laughter] stop or my model make a dream bunny it's got your mouth droop sylvester you know me i love halloween and this is like this will become a halloween staple for me at this point i'm going to watch this every year we actually played basketball for the bucks a long time ago but annie [Laughter] i would say the best is still [ __ ] dude shooting his own [ __ ] self on the end of his [ __ ] it's my birthday yeah it's my fault and he he would have shot right through the the abs the mortician section of the the phone book and he would they probably would have needed that we got a call we gotta we gotta call the hospital could get the phone book oh no oh he's shouting to the phone [Laughter] we're safe here not a bad idea it's a christmas miracle more magnum force merry christmas everybody christmas we're gonna watch more of this [ __ ] weirdo merry christmas [Music] so [Music] you

Channel: kei otake

Views: 32,147

Keywords:

Id: __mZFH0oHbA

Length: 419min 35sec (25175 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 25 2021