HEY, EVERYBODY!
LOOKIE HERE. >> OH, MAN.
>> Stephen: I'M HAPPY TO SAY, WE ARE JOINED ONCE AGAIN WITH
MICHELLE OBAMA. YOU KNOW, MICHELLE-- IF I MAY
CALL YOU THAT-- >> YES!
YOU MAY. >> Stephen: YOU'VE BEEN SO
GENEROUS WITH THAT. >> YOU'VE KNOWN ME LONG ENOUGH.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. AND THE NICE THING IS THAT I
HAVE GOTTEN TO KNOW YOU, ON STAGE AND OFF, AND I'VE BEEN
YOUR LOVELY HOME, AND YOU'VE BEEN SO GRACIOUS AND SO, SO
GENEROUS WITH YOUR TIME. BUT THE THING IS, IT'S HARD TO
GET TO KNOW SOMEONE IN LITTLE SNIPPETS, YOU KNOW?
EVEN THE TIME, QUALITY TIME WE'VE SPENT TOGETHER.
AND SO, HERE AT THE, AT THE "LATE SHOW," THE TEAM, UP ON THE
75th FLOOR, HAVE PUT TOGETHER THESE SCIENTIFICALLY-ENGINEERED
QUESTIONS THAT-- >> OKAY.
>> Stephen: OUR TEAM OF PSYCHIATRISTS HAVE WRITTEN THESE
QUESTIONS THAT ARE, THAT ARE MEANT TO ACTUALLY PENETRATE THE
SOUL OF SOMEONE, TO TRULY REVEAL THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE...
>> ALL RIGHT. >> Stephen: ...MERELY BY
ANSWERING THESE QUESTIONS. >> OKAY.
>> Stephen: MICHELLE OBAMA, DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO ANSWER
THE "COLBERT QUESTIONERT?" >> YES, I DO.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: MICHELLE OBAMA, WHAT
IS THE BEST SANDWICH? >> GRILLED CHEESE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: YOU PUT BUTTER ON
THE OUTSIDE? HOW ARE YOU DOING IT?
>> OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU BUTTER IT. >> YOU BUTTER IT.
IT'S GOT TO BE CRISP. AND THE-- CHEDDAR.
I LIKE CHEDDAR, IN MY GRILLED CHEESE, YEAH.
>> Stephen: NICELY DONE. WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU OWN
THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT?
>> OH! IT WOULD BE SOME CLOTHES.
YEAH, I HAVE TOO MANY OF THEM. THAT'S ACCORDING TO MY HUSBAND.
(LAUGHTER) YES.
>> Stephen: OKAY, ALL RIGHT. CLOTHES.
>> CLOTHING. >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE SCARIEST
ANIMAL? >> SCARIEST ANIMAL?
SNAKES. EURGH!
(CHEERS) >> Stephen: OKAY.
HAVE YOU EVER-- >> YOU SAID, "OH, WOW."
>> Stephen: I SAID OH, WOW. NO, I MEAN, SURE, THAT'S A
PRIMAL ONE. >> THEY'RE SCARY!
>> Stephen: SNAKES. SNAKES, SPIDERS.
IS THERE-- HAVE YOU EVER ENCOUNTERED A DANGEROUS SNAKE?
>> YOU KNOW, I'VE COME CLOSE, ON HIKES.
I'VE BEEN TOLD. >> Stephen: RATTLESNAKES, THAT
SORT OF THING? >> LIKE, A KING-- SOME KIND OF
COBRA, KIND OF... IT WASN'T, COULDN'T HAVE BEEN A
COBRA. (LAUGHTER)
>> Stephen: IT'S A COBRA! >> IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A
POISONOUS SNAKE, AND THE SECRET SERVICE SAW IT AHEAD.
SO THEY STOPPED ME, AND-- >> Stephen: THEY WRESTLED IT.
>> THEY SAID, "MA'AM, YOU'VE GOT TO STAY HERE."
(LAUGHTER) OH, WE WERE ON A HIKE AND A
RATTLER CAME OUT AND WENT ACROSS THE ROAD.
YES. >> Stephen: WOW.
AND THEY ARRESTED IT. (LAUGHTER)
>> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?
>> MMMMM! >> Stephen: I TOLD YOU THEY'RE
TOUGH. >> ORANGES.
REFRESHING! >> Stephen: WHAT?
THEY ARE REFRESHING. GREAT SOURCE OF FIBER.
>> CITRUS. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER ASKED
SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH? >> OH!
I AM NOT AN AUTOGRAPH PERSON. SO, I'M SURE I HAVE, BUT...
>> Stephen: SPORTS FIGURE, ANYTHING LIKE THAT?
>> NO! I MEAN, I DON'T--
YEAH! I GENERALLY THINK THAT GETTING
SOMEBODY'S SIGNATURE IS KIND OF LIKE-- WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THAT?
>> Stephen: I KNOW. (LAUGHTER)
>> I DON'T KNOW. >> Stephen: THE FEW TIMES I'VE
ASKED, I'VE REGRETTED IT. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?
>> WE GO TO HEAVEN. OR, I DO.
(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Stephen: I'LL MISS YOU. I WILL!
THINK OF ME. >> I WILL, I WILL.
>> Stephen: THINK OF ME. PUT IN A GOOD WORD.
>> OKAY, I WILL. >> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION
MOVIE? >> OH...
RECENT? "JUMANJI."
>> Stephen: SURE. THAT'S AN ACTION MOVIE.
THE ROCK IN "JUMANJI," YEAH. >> "BLACK PANTHER."
>> Stephen: OH YEAH. HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW ONE?
>> I HAVEN'T SEEN-- I HAVEN'T SEEN THE NEW ONE YET.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A GOOD ONE. WINDOW OR AISLE?
>> WINDOW. >> Stephen: OKAY.
(CHEERS) BECAUSE YOU LIKE THE VIEW.
THERE YOU GO. >> I JUST WANT TO BE...
THIS WAY. >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.
FAVORITE SMELL? >> MY HUSBAND.
(AUDIENCE REACTS) >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? >> MMMM...
POOP. (LAUGHTER)
>> Stephen: IT'S CLASSIC. >> YEAH.
WHO LIKES THAT? >> Stephen: CLASSIC.
IT'S UP THERE WITH RATTLESNAKES. CLASSIC.
>> IT SEEMS PRETTY BASIC. >> Stephen: MOST USED APP ON
YOUR PHONE? >> SONOS.
MUSIC. I PLAY MUSIC ALL THE TIME.
>> Stephen: I DIG IT. WHAT DO YOU LISTEN TO A LOT OF,
THESE DAYS? >> YOU KNOW, I AM REALLY
REVISITING STEVIE WONDER'S FULFILLING HIS FIRST FINALE.
SO, CLASSIC. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
YEAH, I'VE BEEN KIND OF GROOVING ON THAT.
JUST BOUGHT TANK AND THE BANGAS' NEW ALBUM, "RED BALLOONS."
(CHEERS) "RENAISSANCE," BEYONCEÉ.
MY GIRL. (CHEERS)
>> Stephen: CATS OR DOGS? >> DOGS.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I LOVE THE WAY THEY'RE INTO--
YOU GUYS ARE INTO IT. YOU'RE GOOD.
>> Stephen: YES. YOU ONLY GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN
TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. WHAT IS IT?
>> SEE, THAT'S JUST WRONG. >> Stephen: NOW WAIT A SECOND.
(LAUGHTER) I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT THIS--
>> ONE? ONE SONG?
>> Stephen: WELL, HERE'S THE THING, IS YOU DON'T HAVE TO
LISTEN TO IT CONTINUALLY. >> SEE, THAT JUST MAKES ME SAD
THINKING ABOUT IT. I'M ON AN ISLAND...
>> Stephen: SO WHAT'S THE SONG THAT KEEPS YOU FROM BEING SAD?
BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT CONTINUALLY, BUT
WHEN YOU DO GO, THIS IS THE SONG.
>> ALL RIGHT. I HAVE TO GO WITH STEVIE, AND,
IT'S NOT EVEN AN ALBUM? IT'S JUST ONE SONG?
>> Stephen: YEAH, ONE SONG. >> OKAY, I WOULD PICK "AS."
STEVIE WONDER'S "AS." (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?
>> FOUR. >> Stephen: NO.
(LAUGHTER) DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
IN FIVE WORDS. >> FIVE WORDS?
"FAMILY, FRIENDS, IN THE SUN." (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS! MICHELLE OBAMA, YOU ARE KNOWN.
THANK YOU. >> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: "THE LIGHT WE CARRY" IS AVAILABLE NOW.
MICHELLE OBAMA, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
