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>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW." YOU KNOW, FOLKS, EVEN FROM A
DISTANCE I CAN SENSE YOUR EXCITEMENT BECAUSE IT'S TIME FOR
THE NEXT INSTALT OF AMERICA'S FAVORITE GAME SHOW, "THE COLBERT
QUESTIONNAIRE." AND THE AWARD FOR BEST
PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN "COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE" GOES
TO... I'M SO EXCITED. I'M SO EXCITED. MERYL STREEP! HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE HERE WITH
MERYL STREEP. MERYL, THANKS SO MUCH FOR
AGREEING TO BE PART OF TONIGHT'S QUESTIONNAIRE. NOW WE GET INTO THE HEAT OF THE
MEAT. THIS IS THE ACTUAL 15 QUESTIONS
ON THE "COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE" THAT HELPED REVEAL EXACTLY WHO A
PERSON IS. ALL RIGHT? IT-- IT'S GOING TO BE PAINLESS,
I PROMISE YOU. >> OKAY. >> Stephen: IF AT ANY POINT
YOU SAY, "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS," WALK AWAY. JUST WALK AWAY FROM THE CAMERA,
MERYL. MERYL STREEP, WHAT IS THE BEST
SANDWICH? >> PASTRAMI. >> Stephen: ON? >> RYE. >> Stephen: THAT'S THE CORRECT
ANSWER. WHAT'S ONE THING YOU OWN THAT
YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT? >> EVERY PIECE OF CLOTHING IN
THERE! ESPECIALLY THIS SHIRT, WHICH
I'VE WORN ON SEVEN INTERVIEWS. >> Stephen: WHAT'S WRONG WITH
THE SHIRT? >> NOTHING, BUT PEOPLE ARE SICK
OF IT. BUT I HAVE NOTHING ELSE. AND I WAS THINKING OF WEARING A
PLAID SHIRT, AND NOW YOU ARE WEARING A PLAID SHIRT, SO IT'S A
GOOD THING I DIDN'T. >> Stephen: IT'S SIMPLE. IT'S SILKY. IT'S GOOD FOR THE HOLIDAYS
BECAUSE IT'S CRANBERRY. >> EXACTLY. >> Stephen: IT FITS NEW
ENGLAND WELL. OKAY, WHAT'S THE SCARIEST
ANIMAL? >> OOOH! BLACK WIDOW SPIDER. WHICH YOU CAN IDENTIFY FROM THE
LITTLE WHITE, SPIKY EGG POD. YEAH. >> Stephen: BLACK WIDOW
SPIDER. OKAY. AND THE LITTLE-- THE HOUR GLASS
ON ITS BELLY, TOO. >> YES, NO, BUT THE WAY YOU CAN
TELL THE NEST IS IF THAT-- IT LOOKS LIKE A CORONAVIRUS, BUT
WHITE. >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. >> THAT'S THEIR --
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. >> EGG SACK. >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES? >> APPLES. >> Stephen: OF COURSE. AND THE REASON BEING, YOU CAN'T
PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON AN ORANGE. >> PEOPLE HAVE, THOUGH. IN MY FAMILY. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER
ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH? >> YES. >> Stephen: DO YOU MIND
TELLING ME WHO? >> RICHARD NIXON. >> Stephen: DID YOU GET IT? >> AND I GOT IT. AND IT WAS ON A MILKY WAY
WRAPPER. AND I WAS 12, AND MY DAD TOOK ME
TO SAN FRANCISCO AND HE WAS IN A PARADE. AND I RAN ALONGSIDE THE THING,
AND I REACHED FOR THE WRAPPER AND HE WROTE HIS NAME ON IT. >> Stephen: DO YOU STILL HAVE
IT? >> NO! >> Stephen: I WROTE RICHARD
NIXON WHEN I WAS. 1972... WHEN I WAS EIGHT YEARS
OLD. I HAD AN IDEA THERE SHOULD BE
CONTINENTAL FLAGS. WE HAD STATE FLAGS. WE HAD CITY FLAGS. WHY NOT CONTINENTAL FLAGS FOR
UNITY OF NATIONS. SO I WROTE-- WHAT'S-- WHAT'S
TRUDEAU'S DAD? PIERRE TRUDEAU. I WROTE PIERRE TRUDEAU, I WROTE
RICHARD NIXON AND WHOEVER AT THE TIME WAS THE PRESIDENT OF
MEXICO. I GOT A LOVELY LETTER BACK FROM
NIXON'S OFFICE SAYING, "THE PRESIDENT LOVES YOUR IDEA," AND
HE SENT A SIGNED BOOK OF PHOTOS OF NIXON WITH CHILDREN. ( LAUGHING
( DO I HAVE IT? NO! OKAY. LET'S SEE. WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN
WE DIE? >> OH... I THINK WE SEE EVERYONE
WE LOVE, AND WE THEN GO BACK AND INFLUENCE THE LIVES OF EVERYONE
WE'VE LEFT BEHIND. >> Stephen: I LIKE THAT. FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE. >> YOU'VE STUMPED ME. >> Stephen: THE CORRECT ANSWER
IS "THE RIVER WILD." ( LAUGHS )
OKAY, DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE SMELL? >> APPLE PIE. >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A
LEAST-FAVORITE SMELL? >> HE'S SITTING RIGHT THERE. I CAN TURN IT RIGHT THERE. HE PRODUCES THAT SMELL. BUT HE ISN'T DOING IT NOW, SO... >> Stephen: EXERCISE, IS IT
WORTH IT? >> YES, IT IS. >> Stephen: OKAY. FLAT OR SPARKLING? FLAT OR SPARKLING. >> SPARKLING. >> Stephen: MOST-USED APP ON
YOUR PHONE. >> OH, THE PODCAST. >> Stephen: SURE ONE MORE TIME
WITH THE GESTURE, PLEASE. AT CBS WE HAVE TO BLUR THAT, I
THINK. WHAT PODCAST ARE YOU LISTENING
TO, AND SEND ME SOME LINKS. <i> ( LAUGHTER )</i>
OKAY, YOU GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. WHAT IS IT? >> OH HAJERO, JONI MITCHELL. >> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I
THINKING OF? >> THREE. >> Stephen: DESCRIBE THE REST
OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS. >> VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY LONG. >> Stephen: MERYL STREEP,
EVERYBODY. NOW YOU KNOW HER. THANKS AGAIN, MERYL. WHEN WE COME BACK, GEORGE
CLOONEY REMINDS YOU WHICH FRUIT IS A GREAT SOURCE OF BONGS. ♪ ♪
