Fugget About It - Best of Season 1 (Full Episode Compilation)

[Music] leave the sauce alone Jimmy okay Gina do you homework Gary to get it I want to check it Dimmie leave the sauce alone okay not kill till Thursday today is Wednesday Friday no coupe listen here young lady mom can I have $400 no when I say do your homework you do your homework not later not after your show but now Jimmy the sauce okay that's not fair why not because I said so you did not hand it in and leave that sauce alone okay mother you catch more flies with honey than vinegar and it's always best to lead by example observe Gina I already did my homework and now I'm doing it a second time honest homework can be fun it can for real I help she wets on you daddy can I have $400 okay what the hell are you doing are you giving her money I just said no the kids always come to me after you say no why do I have to be the bad guy why can't you ever be the bad guy cook we met when I robbed your father's liquor store I'm always the bad guy and then we got drunk of a stolen sambuca it was our first date oh but it's date I don't know why your father don't like me all right Theresa maybe I answered too quickly why do you want the money well I was at the mall the other day and I saw the cutest little cashmere dog I would look so adorable with its little fluffy head peeking out of my little designer purse I bend over to give it a little kiss and everyone would look at me and just die honest-to-god cook it's like Chinese to me three times ten yes that is boring but what if it asked three of your friends or you $10 each how much money are you out in total 30 32 Oh with the big and I better have it by Friday you're right this is fun [Music] Jimmy you know what I love most about Regina the excitement yes but more than that in addition to being the capital of Saskatchewan Regina is also the second largest city in the province after Saskatoon and Canada's 18th largest by population it's summer agricultural exhibition was originally established in 1884 as the Assiniboine agricultural Association I got it I don't want it but it's something to do so I got it vagina tourism you may need a bit more training Regina tourism why yes Regina was named in 1882 after Queen Victoria ie Victoria Regina by her daughter Princess Louise no sir that Saskatoon we're the second largest no sir that's Saskatoon also no no no that's all Saskatoon well if you love Saskatoon so much why don't you just marry it unlike other planned cities in the Canadian West Regina had no topographical features other than what's gonna Creek Burley I tell you teach I can't take this job no more all I do is sit around thinking of waste off myself and I'm running out ideas whoa whoa slow down let's talk is through have you considered exploding yourself in a microwave like I done - Eddie - [ __ ] I'm not actually trying to kill myself Cheech I'm just a little down hey you seem a little down Jimmy but I know what you need yes sir I know exactly what you need a good old-fashioned strip show ah a taste of the old life great idea Cheech Don't Tell cookie Wow I feel good you're saying that again don't tell cookie okay okay I haven't actually been in one but I was scooping him out don't worry I got others I can't find my fort what's the difference between a duck I don't know what is the difference between a duck I already told you I don't know stop asking me where it is I found my foot oh no sorry it's someone else's foot I don't even want to go inside I can't believe it a town called vagina and not one strip club what's become of us Jimmy it's times like this son glad I'm in witness protection because of anyone back home knew I lived in a town with no strip club I'd be so embarrassed I'd have to go into witness protection you could say that again you know if some dumb schmuck would have a brain open the strip club in this town he could make some serious coin he'd make a freaking fortune hey we could be that dumb schmuck teach we're gonna open a strip club Jimmy you're a genius I would never have thought of that a strip club it's perfect for us it's our bed and butter I believe the expression is bed and breakfast so it's agreed tomorrow we take out the nest stay get our money from the old life find a place and start renovating this is a great idea it's a license to bid money every man in town will be there oh my god we got a problem is it peeing Jimmy I got such a problem pee no the Fed our goody two-shoes Mountie our protector he'll never let us do this and we don't tell him and just to be safe we don't tell no one this club will be our little secret okay you're definitely not in charge of marketing I got here as fast as I could Jimmy what's the problem because to problem me problem okay before you say no hear me out me and Cheech want to open a strip club the town don't have once or providing a public service and if it don't work nobody gets hurt but us there's no law against it Jimmy I think it's a splendid idea I will be there opening night to support you Barney bastard I beg your pardon that's what we're calling it the horny bastard so we can do this as long as you follow the provincial guidelines bare breasts and bums permitted but no full frontal or related Mons pubis if alcohol is served ladies may touch the man's face arms chest and but must remain a minimum five centimeters from his genital region men may not touch fondle grope or lick and must be kept at least three centimeters from her breasts this to be measured from the tip of the nipple and not the areola or breast major there goes my boner I'm proud of you Jimmy this is your first step towards becoming a semi respected member of the community and I trust you'll do well at it for Canada and her public education system ranked 11th in the world Gina eats your asparagus I know you didn't I'm not hungry you go girl don't eat if you don't wanna that's how they make you fat stick to your guns and you can grow up to be hot and anorexic like me I thought you were bulimic only when I'm hungry Thank You Theresa Gina eat it I don't want to get fat can I change the subject some me I've put a lot of thought into the cashmere dog and I've come up with the perfect argument for why you need to give me the money to buy it all right what's your arguments I'd look really really really cute then get a job when your father and I were teenagers we worked for things we wanted I was sweeping up at the beauty parlor and your dad was already breaking legs for Joey the shock but it's a different world now we have internet and texting and cell phones and automobiles the answer is no you just don't want me to look good cause you don't hate you so what else is new Gina eat your asparagus peas me yes aha Petey eats your asparagus mother I'm allergic remember no you're not and don't you get it it's like the homework thing gia looks up to you and should do what you do okay Gina asparagus is good for you I'm allergic no I'm allergic no one's allergic he D eat it fine hey this is pretty cool oh yeah you are allergic so we looking for a manager someone to run a joint because we don't want to do any actual work we just want to be the owners make all the money boss people around and pay as little as we can we're like Walmart but with naked ladies Oh next because I adore ladies especially naked ones you know what I mean and everyone knows only a straight man would manage a place like this which I am so straight it's scary first off no nudity oh we're 24 hours a day I don't care come on Jimmy I've run joints like this before Yeah right into the ground oh geez you're talking to my wife here I'm sorry cook but we checked your references if I was a manager of this club and make sure that the girls are beautiful but also have a certain - wash wash wash wash wash wash wash floor and if we could find just one with ash wash wash wash wash wash wash wash ah I like them me too okay Mac you're hired who'da thought we wind up with the Bordeaux Rican guy you look adorable what's going on Gina needs a haircut but she won't know I told you you'd look adorable you know a ride home would have been nice heck of a job Monsieur swashb ah the joy looks great and the girls you hired a gorgeous well it is a pleasure for mousy Monsieur McAdoo the girl Barska I love very much - wash wash wash wash wash wash wash wash well Oh dozen Jim we got a problem ha ha that is a little too close remember the three centimeter rule it's more than three centimeters high highly doubt that 3.8 I stand corrected all right bring it in a little gentle circles of no pinching I won't tell you again and you inner thigh you know what's so hard about that what's the big deal the girls won't break the rules not with a Fed no no I ain't that all our best girls just want to dance for him and our customers are starting to complain I want to come home with you tonight special agent no take me no me I could have this place shut down for just asking me that dancer number three but I'll let it slide this time if you all promise to never make such a request to a customer again of course if you happen to follow me home of your own accord and no money changes hands well then it's all just good clean fun you know what I'm not gonna worry about it tonight tonight we celebrate to the horny bastard the horny bastard the horny bastard dishwasher all the way from Paris Ontario put your hands together for the beautiful this one is a real fine [Applause] Teresa daddy oh that is hot Teresa what are you talking about me and Cheech owned a joint so I know the owner very good connection for me okay but you'll have to leave the main room when I'm on stage are you crazy I'm not letting you work here you mean you're firing me you're my daughter and what kind of man fires his own daughter I hate you Oh Gina I made you a dentist appointment for next Thursday I'm not going Oh sweetie it's just a routine checkup your brother needs a root canal no I don't Shh all right if he goes I go oh come on where's Theresa in a room what's wrong nothing bad day on the job very bad day on the job stupendous day on the job you wash wash wash where you wash wash WA you soir Monsieur Mounty we appreciate your schwa chuan chuan Mei wash wash wash wash wash wash wash wash ha ah your French is very good papa baby can't we talk this out it's not fair daddy all I wanted was $400 but mom said I had to get a job she didn't say be a stripper she didn't say not to be a stripper and I have wanted to do this ever since I thought of it the other day boys like me anyway I bet they'd like me even more naked Oh princess you don't want boys to like you for that you're a smart capable young woman with a big heart and a good mind one day you'll find a boy who loves you for that and that's all you'll ever need [Music] that is so gay baby I don't want us to fight then don't for my dreams I love to dance I love to dance you all right how about I just give you the $400 I love you but I don't want your mother knowing I'm going behind her back don't worry I don't tell you remind me anything when I go behind your backs good wait okay good [Music] Paris Ontario I gave him my stripper name does your bite teach it's cashmere so I don't know no Kashmir's bite I love it so much daddy thank you just want to make you happy princess I hoped you'd say that because when I got her I saw the cutest diamond studded collar so can I have five hundred dollars more to stay happy no out of the question at the club we've been through this all the other cashmere dogs have diamond callers why do you have to make Paris feel less than you okay fine here did you just buy your daughter's love hey it was for sale and I wanted it and not a single cavity you sat in the chest so bravely hey hey I'll come this to Gina's look what I got isn't she the cutest thing you ever saw where'd you get the money for this oh I got a job working for daddy she's just keeping her books she don't even know what kind of club it is I do all the adding and the take aways oh I am so proud of you you wanted something and you went out and got it thanks mom you want to meet Paris Ontario oh so this is what all the fuss was about I can see why it's adorable keep it to yourself cook but I've been trying to play with that dog and I believe it to be dead I've been saving up for a diamond studded collar for her yes absolutely yes and you know it would go perfectly with a diamond studded collar a gold mesh leash oMG you are so right mommy unfortunately for me today's payday isn't it daddy [Music] [Music] [Music] why yes sweetie today is payday ah things are really turning around you got a business going that's right up your alley Teresa's becoming responsible Gina's behaving being forced to come to Regina may have been the best thing for this family Jana time to get ready for ballet class put on your toot oh hey Jimmy boy why so glum this thing with Theresa it's emotional blackmail and I resent it and also respect it oh yeah she's playing you like a tuba I know the saying is violin but you're a big man I can't keep paying her but I can't stand her hating me she loved me forever if I let her work in a club but I can't do that neither and now with cookie being all proud of her ah I get into this mess all I wanted to do with so bare boobies the horny Canadians you know what your problem is Jimmy you're thinking like a mcdougal start thinking like a Falcone again Cheech that's brilliant it is I guess you keep shooting off your mouth eventually something good comes out baby I've been thinking just giving you money for doing nothing ain't good for your character so I'll let you strip for your money oh I'm gonna make you so proud I love you I love you too princess god bless insurance now this is the Falcone way I think we're gonna make more money from this than if we had kept their joint going Oh don't worry Jimmy I got this one don't think I don't know what you boys are doing you've clearly bought this place only to burn it to the ground for the insurance money well I will not let you get away with it oh yeah well the joke's on you I forgot to buy insurance you idiot yeah and justice is served [Music] [Music] [Music] how'd you like fishing okay it's a barbaric disgusting endeavor yeah me too thank you for coming ever since they whacked Fredo and Godfather - I never go fishing without a kid in the boat you'll never take us alive they can take me alive not if I can help it Hey look at that read the cops got pigtails license and registration please say when you report this to headquarters you're gonna use a radio or smoke signals Oh uncle Cheech you can't make jokes like that I'm sorry officer ah lighten up a bus like this is a real feather in his cap please step out of the car sir what are you gonna do scalp me wait a second you can't arrest someone for speeding this is Canada sir I'm arresting you for hurting my feelings Oh [Music] rejected nothing but net and the garden goes wild hi I'm Annabelle Westminster this is my daughter Emily oh and the lady I don't know takes one in their head Jimmy we have company don't do that in the living room take it to the kitchen that's my husband hands off hi I'm cookie MacDougall cookie what an interesting name it was a stage name and it stuck Oh were you an actress dancer ballet I said dance it drop it what the hell you supposed to be Emily's a field girl she was hoping to earn her recruitment badge but clearly we've come to the wrong house what's that supposed to mean it's just that well some people are suited for field girls and some just aren't what we're not good enough for field girls I Got News for your sister we're too good for field girls what's a field girl trouble with the law well tada okay that's it Gina you're joining the field girls ma ma not now mom no I don't want you're a girl you can be a field girl and of discussion Papa really PT on a free throw at the buzzer oh you have a collect call from Jim we don't accept the charges but I'm in jail you got to get me out and tape Star Trek not the first one the third one wait which one is Oh just when I was headed for the playoffs what are you doing Wow Canadian jails not bad I'm here to see Cheech mcdougal ah yes mr. mcdougal he checked in earlier today we have him staying in cellblock D for delightful just turn left at the Zen garden shampagne's huh don't mind if I do ya dirty screw Hey look fellas Darrell's out of solitary how was it so relaxing totally worth killing that guard lucky duck Cheech hey Jimmy great to see you come on in it's not luck I bet this is what jail is like in heaven but how is this a detergent of crime mr. mcdougal can I get your dinner order thanks Danny I'll have this surf and turf and don't forget to catch up cancel that order he won't be suckling at the Queen's teeth this evening teach teach teach you were making such fine progress and then you go and disappoint me like this I have half a mind to let you stay in this hellhole why does Cheech get all the breaks this is no laughing matter Jimmy do you know what he did do you know what he did come to think of it no come to think of it no he wanted Lee insulted a member of our country's First Nation ah I just made fun nonetheless I was able to get the charges dropped on the condition that you attend a cultural sensitivity seminar at the black paw First Nations reserve I believe that african-american poor you can ask them yourself tomorrow when you attend the seminar Jimmy what do I have to go because I haven't been appreciating your attitude [Music] look at my baby girl so cute so tight actually it seems a bit loose yeah that's it too loose it's fallen off for me look I've had enough you're gonna be a field girl and that's final ma I'm not just saying this but I swear my penis just came in like this do you have it in red no just green blue no just green I look really good in pink we just have it in green pinkish green greenest green is that like blue I don't know Jimmy I got some reservations about this Oh cut it out if we get on these guys good side maybe we can leave early are you doing I'm Jimmy mcdougal just want to say we attack Scottish people love Indian people love Indian culture love Indian food although the curry does repeat on me that's Indian food yes sir and I love it so now that we're friends how about you sign this so we can go home I'm not sure that's how this is supposed to work come on guy to guy what more is there for us to learn about you focus ah geez I broke your people tree we burned sweet grass to purify ourselves and please the spirits okay I'll do this but you better have some munchies around clear your mind look to the sky your spirit guide will be revealed to you [Music] mine called it I got a falcon what did you get some kind of abomination against God the ancient one said that when conflicts arise we must seek common ground we must find what Indians and Scots have in common I got nothing hey I got one how's this in Scotland we wear skirts called kilts and you all wear loin cloths what I'm getting at is none of us are big on pants our people don't wear loin cloths we'd freeze her nuts off your racist Scottish bastard Oh everyone calm down Hey that's a nice piece my father gave it to me his father gave it to him and his father bought it at some store I didn't know you guys was in the guns well if you're going to kill something what are you going to use a banana hey we love killing too you boys want to see killing we'll show you some killing oh he meant killing animals breathe slowly focus on the animal honor its noble spirit and then we blow its brains out whenever you are ready this grassy knoll stuff reminds me a whack in a certain president which I had nothing to do it you know our way of doing things is a lot more efficient efficient listen chump we use every part of the animal and a lot of them are gross quiet young one he may have something to teach us tell us your way great and wise fat man oh we got lots you got to get in real close and butterbean [Music] and the hat is what makes it a complete uniform cookie hi what are you doing here I'm on a [ __ ] hands got one and good news we received the cookies for our annual sale so pick up your boxes on the way out along with the updated list of local sex offenders make sure you read it this year Mary but he bought so many cookies so many cookies don't work your daughter too hard my emily is broken the sales record for the last three years maybe that's cuz you ain't had any real competition and we still don't was that an insult cute allow me to retort but yo now that was an insult come and see me later if you'd like another well cookie I cordially invite you to bring it oh it is broughton and the sewing batch and the baking badge and the composting badge and is there an I quit match for your sincere efforts at our cultural exchange we would like to make you honorary members of our tribe your black pawn name will be hunts with handguns and you will be known as for brains hey that's what my dad used to call me oh no they're here what's going on the government is building a highway across our sacred hunting grounds those savages no offense we tried every legal Avenue to stop em but they're the government you gotta fight back I'm yourselves go to the mattresses historically fighting back hasn't been our best option or have you never read a book what I mean is you can't let him get away with this back in Brooklyn Scotland when we had a problem we did whatever it took blackmail bribery kidnapping extortion tell us more hunts with handgun well those are typically the big four just not an act like I'm telling you about these stupid cookies that would get my old lady off my yet he's allergic to wheat can we go home now no we are not going home I'm gonna show you how to sell and you'll be great at it hello this is my daughter Gina she's selling cookies for the field girls no thank you wait she's very sick and won't be with us much longer Oh sweetie at the next one act [ __ ] I'm telling you Jimmy that spirit guide they showed me the things been haunting my dreams come on it couldn't have been that bad it was furry with a tail like a beaver on it duck face Webb claws get the [ __ ] out of here it's called a platypus hey language no no look I'll google it that's it that's my spirit animal yes looks like Satan dropped a deuce come on Jimmy he'll hear ya Jimmy you're not gonna believe how many filled girl cookies we sold the deadlines tomorrow we could just coast I'm gonna shove that sales record right up that Annabelle's ass hmm foul language hello cookie just calling to let you know we sold 90 boxes you hear what I said 90 yes 99 times 10 45 times two 45 plus 45 82 plus eight which comes tiny we sold two hundred and 20 we sold 230 gotta go Jane theresa pd get your butts down here we gotta sell some cookies oh come on mom we already sold three times 30 don't argue well took your advice hunt with handgun we kidnapped someone to settle the land dispute the hell you bring him here for you never told us what to do after the kidnapping can you believe these guys well we gotta be good hosts who wants corn this is bad Cheech we get busted on something like this we get kicked out of witness protection and we move back to New York where the mob is waiting to tell us there's just no winning with you okay what you gotta do now is get in touch with a top guy in the province and use this guy as your bargaining chip this is the top guy what here's the premier of Saskatchewan what's the premier it is like a governor it means first first what why are you asking so many questions we got a guy in a bag here yeah I probably should have told you not to grab the boss nice your bastards the right honorable Mickey O'Shea never forgets a face you're all going down for this I also should have mentioned not to let the hostage see our faces now we gotta kill them go ahead and try old man I'll twist off your nipples and flick him in the gutter all right primo relax we don't want to kill you we just want you to give these guys their land back they get nothing Mickey O'Shea never loses I took on the white board and won twice okay tie in the guy up right you should have figured out on your own and my dad's a no-good drunk and he says if I don't sell these boxes by sundown I shouldn't bother coming home thank me thanks lady [Music] thank you hey where did these come from and so the cookie really first appeared in 7th century Persia one of the first countries to cultivate sugar and while the word cookie or little cake originated in the Netherlands it was adopted by okay I'll take 10 boxes if you just shut up never mind look I just don't want any okay I'll level with you I'm just doing this to stick it to this broad and about Westminster that's sanctimonious know-it-all I'll take a dozen thanks you know we should hang out have some tea some cookies and go over to her house and cut a brake line rip off your arm and hit you with the wet end you know Jimmy I kind of want to see that let me tell you something primo I'm not a guy you want to make threats to I'm the guy who hate to admit it but I'm starting to like this guy hello Jimmy I got a glowing report from the black poor tribe I fully expected you to bungle it I'm happy to say you'll prove me wrong Thanks McCool you know the Indians have a thing keep the cops off your porch let's go get a beer oh I can't drink now I'm on duty but I'm not leaving until I hear every detail what was that nothing the furnace is acting up I've suffered through enough winters to know my way around a furnace how about I take a look did I say furnace I meant the water heater oh I worked through mountie college installing water heaters okay I'll come clean I didn't want to mention this but well it's cookie a womanly time is upon us so we had the locker in the basement like a werewolf during a full moon say no more premenstrual syndrome knows no borders it is a serious debilitating condition that adversely affects men every I wish you strength but Canada where two men can discuss internal lady plumbing thank you for your hard work everyone we had a very successful cookie drive this year true it's not a competition nor should it ever be but one of you did sell considerably more than the others it's sort of like a best mom award don't you think Twinkie oh yeah in your face loser you suck suck suck suck suck suck suck hey I don't think talk to the hand beeyatch say my name come on say it say my name who's your daddy mrs. MacDougal that's enough what is wrong with you there are children here I'm afraid you'll have to leave mrs. MacDougal we don't tolerate that kind of behavior at field girls you may wait for your daughter outside because of course she is welcome Gina has demonstrated exemplary behavior and will be a fine addition to the field girls organization yeah that's what I thought well look who's back for another shot at the title this guy's a tough nut maybe you should just cut your losses no we do this the Scottish way ah Christ let me think are you doing fine common what no hello I got it if we're gonna solve this conflict we gotta find common ground what could I possibly have in common with these kidnapping bastards well we gotta at least try come on anybody what do we have in common hey I know you know you are all right oh look at you two gettin along you like Sonny and [ __ ] you're a tiny politician and you can't sing you know what tell you what you can have the land back pervert the highway no no keep it where it is we like you you can have the land I insist and on top of that I'm gonna give you fellas a huge grant to build a casino I am NOT going to offend you it's a deal can you believe it Judy it all worked out but I don't [Music] [Music] [Music] next item on the agenda as you know the annual Regina Winter Carnival is here and one of us will be spending the week manning the tourism booth hold up did you just say one of us gets a week off to go to a carnival well not so much a week off as me calm man but I would kill for that hell I used to whack guys for a lot less I once whacked a guy just for a Klondike bar I should write the company and tell them that they're always looking for positive testimonials and since I've done it for the past five years I've decided I should be the one to go oh wait no actually I think it's great that you're going to go to this carnival instead of me it'll give me a chance to try out some new ideas around here new ideas I was just thinking I'd reorganize the files clean out the rolodex move all the bats and bites on the computer you won't even recognize the place when I'm done I have an idea you go to the carnival oh all right fine but you owe me okay never see that poem Cruz Dustin Hoffman movie is raining men for argument's sake I'll say yes so this guy has an artistic brother he's terrible with the socialism but he's like some kind of superhero he could count cards it's hardly a superpower so I've been thinking PD stinks with people you ever think maybe he's one of them artistics watch how you talk about my son he doesn't know what I'm saying what you're making there sport it's a high-energy particle accelerator in a bottle it's like a ship in a bottle but mine's a miniature high-energy particle accelerator and it's fully functional it's something but you can't go to the store by yourself of course I can wait you think I'm autistic I'm not autistic and I take offense to your autism stereotypes autistic individuals are people like you and I and have a lot to offer their communities bTW where'd you go [ __ ] land so as I was saying how many toothpicks three look at this guy I'm frickin genius hey hey hey who wants to go to a Winter Carnival Oh a family outing I've been going stir-crazy here all week it's always mommy this mommy dad can I have this can I have that he took my this she took my dad mommy mommy mommy ah it's not about you kids a carnival rooms and easy marks go to carnivals okay Eman I am so going to win Carnival Queen do I have time to throw up what should i purge on the way you ain't going nowhere kid we gotta practice how many cards are my holding up one no stop it okay later yeah [Music] Oh Jimmy a sleigh ride let's go just you and me keeping each other warm making people uncomfortable watching us doing it in public just like old times maybe later honey I gotta go work the tourism booth oh you're gonna leave me here all alone so my husband you are I know that was sarcastic but thank you say Oh mom you'll be back soon have fun [Music] Wow Mamma Mia that's an icy meat-a-ball did you make this you like I've done a lot of ice pick work in my day but never with actual ice would you like to give it a try thanks but I got my own [Music] get off of my turf Oliver and now for everyone's favorite event where the ladies really get to strut their stuff it's parka time hey that's my talent why can't we go to the carnival just count the cards and we'll do whatever you want come on 1 2 3 after 3 next after 3 next after that tell me when we get to blackjack that's not how card counting works uncle Cheech the idea is to know when there's a concentration of high cards in the deck which favors the player you assign positive negative or zero values to each card and keep a running count and I'm not autistic I wonder what goes on in that tormented brain of yours these magnificent I've never seen anything like it looks just like that who is he sweet lady gaga is that who I think it is and he's brilliant the gentle touched the keen eye how could this be he'll be famous he'll be revered and revealed oh this is terrible his enemies will find him and kill him this is the best ice sculpting I've seen since ice pick McGee I'm gonna put you on the cover of Life magazine let's see what's under that scarf oh no I must create a diversion face-off works every time Jimmy a word suck you magnificent bastard you're truly gifted and must never do this again oh come on I'm really good at this and I never been good at nothing sex Turing look what I made it's a work of what's that word rhymes with faut I'm sorry Jimmy it's too high-profile it'll make you famous two minutes roughing your enemies will find you and kill you but it pains me to hide your talents from the world but I don't want to see you dead but to not let you share your gift would violate the laws of truth and beauty itself you done arguing with yourself yet Yes No maybe no yes come on McCool I'll wear my disguise I won't tell anyone not even cookie no one will know I'd like to believe you Jimmy but I've met you I swear on the lives of my children all right but you'll need a fake name we'll call you Jinxy what at toll was already taken [Music] [Applause] [Music] bad omen kids will come back tomorrow [Music] [Applause] [Music] it's 3 a.m. where the hell you been cook you have no idea how much work it is all those tourists needing directions pamphlets ideas of things to do they just take and take I got nothing left to give the corner of uh closes at 10:00 where the hell you going each night Jimmy tell me the truth are you going back to crime no I promise that means you're cheating on me a piece of [ __ ] this ain't your bed no more cookie I ain't I promise come on I'm too tired to argue I'll sleep on the couch Oh Virgin Mary I need you I don't know what to do my husband I think my husband is cheating on me all right girlfriend spell tell mommy everything don't leave out one juicy detail I don't know he comes home late every night exhausted but with big smile on his face he won't tell me why does he still want to [ __ ] you I don't know I try but he Nev just rolls over and falls asleep oh yeah he's cheatin I do he's a guy if he ain't getting it from you oh he's getting it from someone okay okay quit your blubbering look Joseph wasn't giving me the time of day either and I hop into bed with God suddenly he's all over me throwing a party in a manger showing me with gold and frankincense and myrrh like I need anymore in myrrh so get out there and make him jealous girlfriend sleep around and when your man back I could never do that I took a vow I I love my husband fat freak all right but don't expect someone to magically appear in the middle of the night and do you cuz that's only happened once [Music] thinks he can leave me home every night well I don't have to stay home I can have fun without him so this is that Jinxy everyone is talking about wow it really is beautiful dogs playing hold up skater getting whacked in the kneecaps at the Olympics Swan and cookie why you cryin miss it it's just so beautiful and so sad shed I said because he's cheating on his wife like my husband is cheating on me on you no way I he has to be a total [ __ ] to cheat on a classy broad like you is just saying that no I ain't I'm sure every day he thinks about how special you are and how lucky he is and if he ain't then he don't deserve you how you doing I'm Jinxy your Jinxy oh I love your work it's inspired you touch me deep in my soul in a way I never felt before I was just about to say the same thing to you now you're making me blush Jinxy I didn't tell you to stop will you excuse me a minute what can a guy flirt with his own wife anymore remember your promise Jimmy she doesn't even know it's me I could have some fun with this sounds kind of twisted I know how often does a guy get a chance to seduce his wife a second time well just be careful hey like I'm gonna catch anything from my own wife I'll wear a rubber I don't feel right about this uncle Cheech gambling is wrong sour dane how do you think I want my third wife do you have a drink is this alcohol but I'm a minor relax they put it in your sippy cup don't worry he's got a fake ID and keep them coming 21 player wins [Music] and a little extra something for you [Music] it's beautiful pale imitation of the real thing Oh Jinxy I've had such a wonderful time tonight I don't want it to end maybe it don't have to but Jinxy I'm a married woman you deserve better you deserve the best I shouldn't yeah you should I shouldn't yeah you should oh it's on that was amazing you were amazing am I ever gonna see you again tomorrow too soon I got a big show and it would mean a lot to me to have you there in my corner I wouldn't miss it good night good night oh yeah I still got it Jimmy Falcone still got it wait a minute she didn't know I was me she thought I was him holy crap my wife just cheated on me all right Jimmy calm down go to your happy place cookie is your wife by definition that means no cheating has taken place but she didn't know it was me she thought she was barfing Jinxy and you are Jinxy ergo she was boffing you yeah with her body I'm talking about her mind what is she seeing this guy I repeat this guy is you well what do I got that i don't got Jimmy I'm afraid I can't help you on this one so I bid you what you poor Canada where we keep adults or in the family okay it's time to put on the charms and win back my wife from that son of a [ __ ] me so listen about last night what what about last night I'm sorry I've been working so hard I know I ain't been a model-t husband lately but it's a new day and I'm here to make things right now I don't want to come off mushy or anything but you want to get nailed tell you what you go upstairs and get started then finish without me Jinxy hit me kid you got 20 you got a stand yes shut your face old man nobody tells me what to do I said give me the ACE holy crap it's an ace I knew it I can't Adam yeah you see that I counted him I'm a card counting mother I'm autistic [ __ ] you and me kid we're going all the way I knew it from the day you was born there was something special about you sir would you come with me please I never seen this kid before in my life good evening everyone I'm Brad whicker's along with Sal Foster and what a treat we have in store for you tonight it's gypsy versus block of ice Sal as you can see block of ice dominates in height and weights but Jinxy enjoys speed and a definite reach advantage so anything could happen ladies and gentlemen the moment you've been waiting for the fighting ice man the chip off the old block the PIP coverage China [Music] [Applause] plane three TV stations some I live in Saskatchewan [Music] and Arctic nation [Music] I must break you cookie cookie I love you I love you too Jinxy Jinxy you bring shame and dishonor to our proud establishment you can't prove nothing that could be anyone you have disrespected our house and our House Rules in return we shall confiscate your winnings over my dead body such arrangements are possible wait uncle cheat he's right this is no place for a 15 year old it's not even legal for me to be here let's go I should turn myself over to the gambling Authority whoa 15 you say let us not be hasty no need to get the authorities involved you may keep your winnings go in peace head shaped like egg oh you done good kid real good thanks uncle Cheech you know I'm still not really sure why I said and did all those things I normally would never do yep booze has a way of doing that dear but be careful you'll go to bed with some very beautiful women yay and wake up with some very ugly ones oh but there's still women right not if it's tequila I'm so confused the more I'm Jinxy the more Jimmy loses cookie but if I'm Jimmy then I can't be Jinxy do I do my heart and lose my wife or do I do my wife and lose my art or do I do a doobie and put on some pink floyd-- have you ever seen anything like it Sal no and I once saw a donkey show at the awana go back to me kinase cubes yeah bum derivative what did the buccal and there you have it Arina ice sculpting Wow what were we thinking alright well that's it from the Friendly Giant arena in fugly downtown Regina stay tuned for Degrassi the midlife crisis years this seat taken that depends you're looking to sit down next to a bum you stop right there mister I don't care what anyone else thinks you're not a bum yeah Jimmy Falcone you know what you think I've never seen you in a nylon stocking before and they're my nylons plus you used your normal voice you big dope I knew from the beginning I never could put anything past you cook I'm sorry I neglected you made you think I was cheating on you and lied to you seduced you and banged you on a block of ice I'll never do most of it again you kidding me that was the best sex I ever had it was like you were my husband but you weren't my husband like forbidden fruit and kind of kinky hell yeah I'm just glad it's all out in the open cuz I couldn't take another guy getting with you even if the other guy was me it's all you baby it's all you uh you mind puttin the mask back on now that people is art [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] Jimmy Falcone has done it he has won the Masters he wears the green jacket he wishes it was a blue jacket to offset his eyes but whatever let's hear from the champion I knew that if there was a day without snow that I could win this I did it for my wife cookie-cookie breakfast is ready what's your problem the sun shining temperatures above zero you know that ain't gonna last I'm off to the food court at the mall to hang out but not E you are not going out dressed like that young lady there's a reason they call you privates privates fine god I'll be at the Science Center they have a new exhibit on nanotubes Petey what did I tell you about hanging around those kinds of places Don't Ask Don't Tell I'll be home in time for dinner I'm not making dinner and don't be late you okay cook like you care all right Jimmy I'd dust it off the clubs I'm working on my swing get a load of this who's handicapped now you son of a [ __ ] save it for the course teach tee times in 20 and no way I'm gonna be late oh sure go have your fun I'll just stay here and do what I did yesterday and the day before and the day before that not then all right well try to find some time for yourself don't you get it I'm bored out of my mind I can't talk to my friends my sister there's no good shopping I've gone crazy here well you got to do something find a hobby like I got golf I'll get a job one of those will shut you up but what am I supposed to do I ain't work since we got married what about back when we was kids that summer in Atlantic City you had a job then and you were very respected in the community you mean a fortune tellers assistant yeah working for madam scam you oh I loved that job that cute little kiosk and the boardwalk all those scarves you got - we're talking European not having to shave those were good time so why don't we open your own shop here in vagina oh I couldn't I don't have the gift madam scam you she had the gift she could see things years into the future she was a special special lady with a god-given talent we could fake it I could do that then it's settled will dip into the nest egg find you a nice place and get you all set up but first I am missing this gorgeous weather come on Cheech let's hit the links you know what baby your needs come first okay Theresa you're in reception you distract the clients Gina you pick their pockets and get their info cheech's on sound Jimmy your lights and smoke machine all right let's do a practice run Theresa you'll be the customer hello I'm the customer I would like to know my fortune madam cookie will tell you what she sees please sit testing testing I am the ghost of the dead person that you know not yet sheets just the mood music to start and don't say testing down a notch on the smoke machine Jimmy [Music] her name is Teresa MacDougall your name is Teresa MacDougall she lives at one two three four Jim Carrey Lange you live at one two three four Jim Carrey Layne she's 25 years of age you're twenty foot what 25 Oh Jeana I get weren't supposed to pick my fake ID Lana's gonna kill me now no I'm not I can appreciate a good fake ID I went to my first bar when I was seven okay everyone climb for me coming soon Theresa show a little more cleavage Jimmy thank you so much for this I'm so happy I feel like I was born to do this hey my money's gone Gina you stole my money man told me to no sweetie you misunderstood get their information not their money we're running a legitimate scam here can you believe it I thought she was totally gonna ream me out about my fake ID yeah and I thought she was gonna make me give you back your money I know right wait hey Oh girls where are my magical assistants just look at her Cheech I ain't seen cookie this happy since that summit she was on Prozac I know what you're up to gentlemen and I shan't allow it the good citizens of Saskatchewan deserve better than to be taken in by your flim-flam confidence games hey this is a legitimate business why you don't believe in the supernatural you want to know what I believe Jimmy I'll tell you what I believe I believe in a Canada True North strong and free universal health care the metric system the letter said that Saturday night was made for hockey I believe Keanu Reeves is highly underrated I believe if I were a woman and I didn't have the ability to wrap my legs around my neck I would never take my boyfriend to see Cirque du Soleil I believe in football with three downs to force a beer maple syrup and I believe that rush is the single greatest band of all time so we can stay open I believe we're about to find out you can try to distract me all you want Teresa but until you reach legal age I see only your face nice eyes that me bad you all better not be trying to pick my pocket young Gina when I grow up I want to be a Mountie just like you Hugh and 30 million other Canadians Oh special agent McCool my very first customer you look so dapper today well that doesn't make you psychic cookie it only makes you observant no you look good enough to eat I'd love to put you on a cracker all right cookie take it easy a big idiot I'm just buttering up the customer let's cut to the chase cookie stop that we all have none of that cheesy light and sound show here thank you all right madam cookie it's just you and me now dazzle me I see I see red your favorite color is red eye I see leaves oak leaves green leaves a maple leaf you're very patriotic just as I thought you're a fake a phony a fraud you'll leave me no choice but to shut you down no no no I can do this yeah having lunch the menu is in a foreign language you don't understand the milk and your tea sour ah baby cries Oh waiter drops a trade there's a mouse tailing your soup uh only woman in a blue dress asked if a change that's so general it can apply to anyone [Music] hmm not the standard Mandarin dialect that I studied in college the milk for your tea is sour no I'm sure it's just a coincidence baby cries tweeter drops a tray a most ailing my soup impossible you got change for a 5 I can't wait to tell cookie how he's not that fed yeah how stupid did he look if only she could have been there she loves a good short con more than anyone Jimmy you won't believe it McCool told me all my predictions came true I have the gift I actually have the gift just like Madame Scania she always said it would but I never thought I did but I do I have the gift why do you think you have the gift words already spreading I'm booked solid for a week this is terrible what are you talking about she has the gift no she doesn't she just thinks she does because of what we did now we gotta keep making up predictions come true she's Jimmy that's gonna take up a lot of time I know but look how happy she is Shh I'm getting something Pluto will be a planet again okay Jimmy let's get to work so if we all just keep making her think she has the gift everything will be beautiful but that's deceitful a white lie is still a lie don't you get it when your mother's happy we all get to be happy so we got to do whatever it takes to keep it this way no kiddin I swore this morning she didn't say a thing hey cook tell us about work what kind of predictions did you make and to whom specifically oh I can't say psychic client confidentiality and all that I'll what the hell I told mrs. Campbell she'd find 10 dollars inside a new sofa I told mr. Peterson he'd have a scooter accident I told mr. Chen his son will set a new record at his hockey game I told old lady Johnson she'll get pregnant I got this one Jimmy nothing like a nice relaxing game of golf after a long day of boost your wife hey how'd you get all this time off work anyway I found his sub okay legs shoulder-width apart so I bend at the knees you know Cheech it's funny they took away my identity they took away my livelihood they took away everything that made me me but the one thing they couldn't take was this game and my love for it mother [ __ ] you're right Jimmy this is relaxing you'll win a raffle you'll be attacked by a goose you'll break your leg in a freak fondue accident you never ride a tandem bicycle come on people give me a challenge yeah she was really good want to come over for some fondue sure we'll take my bike it's built for two I appreciate your seeing me on such short notice madam cookie I was hoping you could help me solve a case I never thought I'd say these words but I can't do it really cuz I picture you doing it all the time it seems there's been a rash of convenience store robberies and I have yet to be able to gain the description of a suspect the only lead I have is this handkerchief give me a hand don't you need to hold the handkerchief shoo shoo shoo sheesh we don't have time for this ever but anything you could tell me would be greatly appreciated of course let's begin yes yes I see someone I am an a middle-aged man white slight build dark eyes dark short hair and a mustache madam cookie has spoken thank you madam cookie you've been a great help all right boys we are looking for Hitler ah [Music] okay now you do me get a load of this zero chance of snow zero from the Doppler 5000 no less and I read it on the internet so you know it's true let's go I don't know Jimmy I'm looking at my itinerary I got Wheel of Fortune at ten Andy of Mayberry at 10:30 and scratching my nuts at 11:00 no we gotta go now it could snow any second but the Doppler said it won't I can't take the chance if I don't get some golf in soon I'm gonna go crazy all I do anymore is run around town making my wife think she's a psychic I need this good news Jimmy I scratched my nuts while you were choking me I'm good to go hold it nobody move I had a dream not like be teased I hope Oh English Oh math or science Oh in the dream we were at a carnival and the Grim Reaper shot out of seven times it means seven attempts will be made on one of our lives if anyone leaves this house today they'll be a mortal danger come on cook dreams don't mean nothing I had a dream once at the toilet turned into a dragon I still sit on a John every morning I can't stay home all day I can't see more mother dreams are simply manifestations of our unconscious desires Freud says that our conscious mind keeps our primal subconscious wants and needs suppressed dreams merely represent the repressed urges released when we sleep white also said you wanted to you mom do you want to do your mom PD is that what you want do you want to do your mom ah there's no good answer so shut up this Saint Ernie that science mumbo-jumbo this is fact I got the gift I had the dream and you don't mess with the spirits so no one sets foot outside this house today madam cookie spoken I had a dream about me you and your sister we never did that one look we all agreed to do this to make him mother happy shoe off for a day or two but I don't want to make my mother happy for any longer than that come on it it break her heart to find out she's not a real psychic at this point but you don't understand I'm supposed to meet the cutest guy at the library where we will read our brains out and I'm supposed to go to the Regina Comic Con with Billie Allanson it's the first year they'll have two people and I gotta do this thing that kids not gonna break his own legs oh you think I like this any more than you I wanted the Gulf today but if I can sacrifice what I want you can't do all right I said all right yeah good I'm going back to bed like I'm gonna miss golf because of some stupid dream Jimmy you could have killed yourself on that thing what are you waiting for Jimmy just save her in the moment Cheech just savoring okay legs shoulder-width apart slight bend at the knees check the backswing and okay you want to take a break no I'll play through just take the penalty no I can make this you want a break now [Music] I'll play through I'll play through Hey look at that a little Australian boy sorry mate I need ya hey Jimmy I'm starting to think cookies dream may have been about you okay legs shoulder-width apart slight Bend of the knees check the backswing and so worth it and where do you think you're going young lady out I don't think so are you trying to get yourself killed did you not hear a word I said earlier I know the dream I'll die blah blah blah but mom I have to go he's so cute and he's a goalie we met when I was fixed in the hockey game he's really good with his hands what we just kissed I swear okay he may have touched my boobs a little okay a lot what's third base called in hockey you fixed the hockey game I had to daddy said we have to make your predictions come true oh my god I wasn't supposed to say that I'll well the cats out of the bag bye Petey is this true I am NOT gonna lie to you mother it is you fixed my predictions every single one of them not me it was dad's thing I didn't want any part of it a lie is a lie is a lie are you trying to tell me that your father was sneaking around all over town this entire time making every one of my predictions come true why would a person do that believe it or not it would make you happy well you know what it did I never been so happy in my whole life and what's wrong with you you wouldn't what you're too good to lie to your mother yeah I can't stand oh look at you and you better think long and hard about your morals mister I can't believe that big palooka went to all that trouble just for me that lying conniving manipulative psychic I married an angel Jimmy sweetie I'm coming to talk to you oh geez I know what you did Jimmy I've been here the whole time I swear I know you fixed my predictions what are you talking about you went behind my back you deceived me you made our children deceive me you play me for a fool it's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me you [ __ ] kidding me on the outside you may be tough gangster Jimmy Falcone but underneath all that macho and beef and provolone he's just a big old teddy bear and I don't need that gift to tell me that so I'm gonna close the shop after thinking I had the gift I could never go back to faking it again well cookie that's the thing it turns out you do have the gift that's sweet but you can stop now no I'm serious you have the gift for real stop it Jimmy it's over I ain't lyin every single one of your predictions came true sure we rigged a bunch of them but they still came true they all came true give it a rest will ya you tried to con me it was sweet but you're pushing it I'm not an idiot cookie I'm telling you now you're just pissing me off one more word and I will cut you you Guinea bastard well look at that they made Pluto a planet again [Music] [Music] [Music] okay you elephant man your pony didn't come in your enemy for 500 now face you've done all right you got three big ones coming they st. been your week Randy your no-show puts you in the hole for ten Lodge and I want something now this just ain't satisfying but in for a penny in for a pound I see no thank you for calling principal pista gasps do you know what your daughter did I just got off with the principal got off with the principal this is serious she has suspended for a week apparently she's been selling candy to other kids which is forbidden on school property look I'm sure she has a good reason it was probably just to make money hey mom guess what I was sent home early for good behavior oh and how do you plan to explain the rest of the week young lady busted damn straight you busted your principal called no TV for a week ah Theresa can we have a Girl Talk of course I'm just glad you're finally admitting that you're a girl a guy starts one Twilight fan club and he's branded for life I need help with a girl that girl now if she has bad taste - you got it mate I can't even bring myself to talk to her oh that's so sweet coming to you big sister for advice on love all right Petey I'll have you banging hair in no time I was hoping to carry her books but whatever works first thing we need to do is get this girl to know who you are but she can't know the real you or she'd set us up on fire you've got to be strong confident sure of yourself okay strong confident sure of myself you think she'd like that Hey women don't like wimps they want to be swept off their feet by a dominant rockhard son of an oil baron what just go over there and be aggressive she's yours for the taking I'm strong tough alpha strong tough alpha hey what love me wow just wow [Music] that's it my entire fish you clean me out no TV for a week young lady never do something like this again you've embarrassed the whole family come on no one's really embarrassed it's just a figment of speech it's not that how am I ever gonna learn to be a no-good hustler if I ain't got no role models washed-up you know I still got a thing or two I can teach you for example I never would have got caught for moving cheap loot like this wow wow this Canadian candy is primo stuff you can't even get this in the States try it first taste is free it's all free we just took it from you my god he's choking someone call an ambulance what's 9-1-1 in canadian holy mother of car god it's good it's better than good it's what's a word that means better than good Oh what's all this record about a man can't hear his own pornography try this it's Canadian candy I thought Pam Anderson was Canadian candy uh-huh this stuff's better than anything we got back home fat Americans are paid through the nose but it's tough hold it hold it I'm getting an idea it's coming it's percolating it's percolating it's dripping dripping got it will smuggle this stuff in to the States and make a fortune we'll take prohibition to a whole new level all right boys you're off the hook this is the thing I've been looking for something to get my blood flowing what do you think cook passport see Jimmy I told you bribing the border gotta be a snap some suspicious-looking boxes but there's nothing we can do they're taped shut [Music] ain't it great to be back in the old US of A thumbs come and get chicken scram we're taking over this is our turf now I always work here I'll give you a free taffy pull I got your taffy paw right here you're all working for me now you got a problem with that [Music] like taking candy from a baby and then selling it to another baby here's your taste boss the hell you doing in fur coats I told you to keep a low profile you're gonna get us all pinched it's in my wife's name what did I just tell you not too bright but the good little learners you know I haven't felt this alive since that day I got stopped at the racetrack yeah those were good times mister I'd like four of everything looks good teach give me stuff there you go kid the finest uncut cocoa solids Canada has to offer don't do them all at once thanks but I'm not the one who needs advice candy administration you're under arrest for supplying a weak-willed American populace with treats from a different and therefore inferior country I was framed oh wait for you Jimmy I can't believe how much this thing's great [Music] what in God's name is wrong with you I try and I try and I try I play the bad guy I play the good guy every day I wake up and I say today's the day they'll get it but do you know what more do I have to do I mean pretty you tell me what more must I do for you to it long blast get it hmm I'm not mad I'm disappointed maybe if I can just understand what goes on in those warped little minds of yours why would you risk everything for just a few hundred dollars Jimmy told me to McCool you wouldn't understand try me I miss the action I sit around the house being a dad I go to work and have a job what kind of life is that what's something like this it gave me that adrenaline rush I used to get every day in the old life is that all MA why didn't you say so Jimmy if you want an adrenaline rush I know just the thing [Music] you gotta be this my friend is action looks more like a bunch of dusty guys trying to put the moves on farm animals on the surface perhaps but look deeper Jimmy imagine it you're on top of a bowl hanging on for dear life your blood is boiling in your veins adrenaline flooding your brain your only thought to best the Beast before he takes your life you don't hear the roar of the crowd flowering their adulation upon you you can't hear them chanting Jamie Jamie Jamie no oh they're chanting Nicole Nicole Nicole Jimmy Jimmy Nicole Nicole a hundred bucks says Jimmy Jimmy I'm not a hundred says I kick your ass Jimmy I don't gamble for money that's what gambling is but if you insist on humiliating yourself I will wager you for honor great how much is that in American the loser must in a clear baritone extending from the diaphragm declare that the other is a better man than himself you're on I got one question if a man does it to a girl cheap that's not gay right I mean the church is okay with that I don't know I'm not Catholic hello what do you mean hello I've been trying to reach you for two days I figured I'd be your one phone call cookie calm down McCool was my one phone call they took my cell phone and by the time I got it back I forgot what oh you forgot I already told the kids you were dead Jimmy your father's alive put his cigars back where you found him I just can't catch a break hello is this the guy who said and I quote I never woulda got caught for movin cheap loot like this well you did get caught and now I'm smoking all your cigars and that's what you get for cutting me out of my own scam cookie who was that Jimmy the whole family's going to hell in a handbasket coz of you look cook I'm sorry I'll be home as soon as I can but I'm at a rodeo and I gotta proof - McCool that I'm a better man than myself could you just say you're at a strip joint you fat [ __ ] what did she say the usual I'm not sure about this Teresa PT really this is how you have to dress if you want girls to notice you it just feels a little busy listen dum-dum I watch a show called the way of the pickup and the guy who hosts it enigma says if you want to get the girls you got a dress like a schizo freak it's called peacocking well I refuse to follow the advice of some perverted charlatan my dignity is too important he's been with 482 different women should I add a top hat okay Petey enigma says that 90% of becoming a successful pickup artist is learning to overcome your fear of rejection and to do that you need to get rejected a lot Teresa I could write a book about being rejected in fact I have but it was rejected you're gonna ask out every girl who walks past you and you're gonna get rejected so many times you'll never care about it again but what if one of them accepts Petey if you're not gonna take this seriously back off [ __ ] the shoes are mine excuse me ma'am would you like to go on a date hello there miss you will look lovely today excuse me but I couldn't help but notice Oh Teresa's right this isn't so bad who cares if they don't like me it's very freeing I'm a bed wetter do you think I have pretty eyes I masturbate all the time all the time hey you want to play with my boa why yes I would young man ah I'm sorry I didn't see you there it's okay honey I saw you it's very sexy [Music] you sure you want to go through with this McCool I'm not gonna go easy on you it's not my style so I'll give you one last chance to back out McCool's don't back out Jimmy they thrust in okay it's your funeral I just got one question what's with these freaking pants being I like them I enjoyed the dress [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Jimmy you okay I can't take it no more Cheech my face is cut my muscles are torn my ribs are cracked and there's no skin left on my ass you saying you've given up Jimmy you can you'd have to tell McCool he's a better man plus you can still win cuz of bull ridings worth more points than all the other events combined how's that for exposition I don't know maybe I can pull it together for one more event watch this Jimmy [Applause] strike the cool is the toughest most manliest man in the whole world look cool yes I can't watch this you are the better man then I thank you Jimmy it takes a big man to say that and I think it's safe to say you found the action you were looking for oh and one more thing I found something I believe is yours hey Jimmy he just handed you your ass I clobbered him what was a rodeo like huh what did that kapa stupid face look like what he saw your biggest baddest guy out there did you ride the horse like this like this oh well you know I pretty much just rode the horse the normal horse riding way Wow I started to think that maybe you'd lost all your moves that you've gone soft you know but you sure showed McCool didn't you pops yeah I sure did too bad you couldn't have been there to see it cuz turns out I did so well so perfected it that they decided there will never have to be another rodeo ever again anywhere ever thank you so much for walking me home Petey it's become such a dangerous neighborhood you live between a church and a police station well you never know well I guess I should be heading off no no stay I'll make some cocoa um I'm not sure this is appropriate well why wouldn't it be appropriate I suppose it wouldn't be if something untoward were to happen are you thinking about something untoward no no no of course not well good cocoa it is hot creamy Coco you know I like talking to you Petey people are so hung up with age but really it just a number but yours is so much higher than mine you see nervous pee dee are you nervous Petey I mean I guess so I know it must be so hard to be a young man these days all the rules are changing the pressures the contradictions the confusion yeah I'm pretty confused right about now I know and I want to hear all about it there there there there there [Music] quite the Dave hat you must be exhausted becoming a rodeo champion no it wasn't too bad kind of invigorating actually you're lying why do you say that because I found this it's not mine oh please you didn't beat my cool odds re mop the floor with you the man is practically built for horse wrangling well last suing or caressing the body of a middle-aged woman why is your upper lip sweating it's not and why'd you lie to me you know I don't care if you win a stupid rodeo or not it's not the rodeo it's everything I used to be someone I used to be the big man in town and now I'm not even a man I'm just some poor schnook who has to tell a Mountie he's a better man than me it's de mobilizing you shut your mouth you're Jimmy Falcone and Jimmy Falcone's a fighter not a quitter I don't give a damn about a rodeo or losing it to some Mountie but you do so suck it up and be the man I fell in love with you're right I'm gonna take that Mountie down hand me my ass Jimmy the other way ass-backwards so that's where the expression comes from [Music] [Music] [Music] it smells like manure Jimmy what are you doing here you already conceded yeah well i'm unconceived you know what I said you're a better man in me well I'm taking it back in a minute very nice yeah no honey as you wish but I do advise against it there's a reason bull riding is worth more than half the points it's one of the most dangerous sports in the world so is cheerleading but I still do it now out of my way where the hell have you been so unclean oh my god no way you did it congratulations uh-uh-uh no more touching I don't ever want to be touched again or smell mothballs or see a toy Li or eat a hot candy what's he dentures come out or see weird stockings that go just below the knee or see breasts that go just below the knee he just completely ignored me that's so hot PT PT wait up all right bull I've got a lot riding on this so like I told my wife on our wedding night give me eight seconds and I'll be on my way okay I asked nicely now we do it my way [Music] [Music] Jimmy enough Jimmy stop you're killing yourself you have heart tremendous heart I admit it but no bet is worth this it is to me alright if it will make you end this madness fine you're a better man than I Jimmy mcdougal a better man than I tell me something I don't know Jimmy yeah did he said it you one-legged pops it was amazing daddy Jimmy can you do it again I was in the John I began the day as a schnook but now I am a man me too [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music]

Channel: Fugget About It

Views: 10,093,667

Rating: 4.3762589 out of 5

Keywords: fuggetaboutit, fugget about it, Theresa Maria Falcone, Gina Falcone, fugget, mob cartoon, fugget about, forget about it, mob tv show, canadian mob show, canadian mob cartoon, Jimmy Falcone, Cookie Falcone, Uncle Cheech, falcone, falcone mob, Special agent Strait McCool, Fugget About It Best of Season 1 (Full Episode Compilation), The Horny Bastard, Hunts with Handguns, The Oracle of Vagina, The Man With No Ass, Sex on Ice, Season 1 Full Episodes, Fugget About It Full Episodes

Id: S6C7mk0pxNw

Length: 102min 20sec (6140 seconds)

Published: Sun May 20 2018