Fugget About it - Best of Cookie (Full Episode Compilation)

[Music] item on the agenda as you know the annual Regina Winter Carnival is here and one of us will be spending the week manning the tourism booth hold up did you just say one of us gets a week off to go to a carnival well not so much a week off as me calm man but I would kill for that hell I used to whack guys for a lot less I once whacked a guy just for a Klondike bar I should write the company and tell them that they're always looking for positive testimonials and since I've done it for the past five years I've decided I should be the one to go oh wait no actually I think it's great that you're going to go to this carnival instead of me it'll give me a chance to try out some new ideas around here new ideas I was just thinking I'd reorganize the files clean out the rolodex move all the bats and bites on the computer you won't even recognize the place when I'm done I have an idea you go to the carnival oh all right fine but you owe me okay never see that poem crews Dustin Hoffman movie is raining men for argument's sake I'll say yes so this guy has an artistic brother he's terrible with the socialism but he's like some kind of superhero he can count cards it's hardly a superpower so I've been thinking PD stinks with people you ever think maybe he's one of them artistics watch how you talk about my son uh he doesn't know what I'm saying what you're making this fort it's a high-energy particle accelerator in a bottle it's like a ship in a bottle but mine's a miniature high-energy particle accelerator and it's fully functional it's something but you can't go to the store by yourself of course I can wait you think I'm autistic I'm not autistic and I take offense to your autism stereotypes autistic individuals are people like you and I and have a lot to offer their communities bTW where'd you go [ __ ] land so as I was saying how many toothpicks three look at this guy I'm frickin genius hey hey hey who wants to go to a Winter Carnival Oh a family outing I've been going stir-crazy here all week it's always mommy this mommy that can I have this can I have that he took my this she took my dad mommy mommy mommy ah it's not about you kids a carnival rooms and easy marks go to carnivals ok Eman I am so going to win Carnival Queen do I have time to throw up what should i purge on the way you ain't going nowhere kid we gotta practice how many cards are my holding up one no stop it ok later yeah [Music] Oh Jimmy a sleigh ride let's go just you and me keeping each other warm making people uncomfortable watching us doing it in public ah just like old times maybe later honey I gotta go work the tourism booth what you're gonna leave me here all alone some has-been you are I know that was sarcastic but thank you say Oh mom you'll be back soon have fun [Music] Wow Mamma Mia that's an icy meat-a-ball did you make this you like I've done a lot of ice pick work in my day but never with actual ice would you like to give it a try thanks but I got my own [Music] get off of my turf Oliver and now for everyone's favorite event where the ladies really get to strut their stuff it's parka time hey that's my talent why can't we go to the carnival just count the cards and we'll do whatever you want come on 1 2 3 after 3 next after 3 next after that tell me when we get the blackjack that's not how card counting works uncle Cheech the idea is to know when there's a concentration of high cards in the deck which favors the player you assigned positive negative or zero values to each card and keep a running count and I'm not autistic I wonder what goes on in that tormented brain of yours he's magnificent I've never seen anything like it been to New York it looks just like that who is he sweet lady gaga is that who I think it is and he's brilliant the gentle touch the keen eye how could this be he'll be famous he'll be revered and revealed oh this is terrible his enemies will find him and kill him this is the best iscope thing I've seen since icepick McGee I'm gonna put you on the cover of Life magazine let's see what's under that scarf oh no I must create a diversion face-off works every time Jimmy a word sup you magnificent bastard you're truly gifted and must never do this again oh come on I'm really good at this and I never been good at nothing sex Turing look what I made it's a work of what's that word rhymes with fog I'm sorry Jimmy it's too high-profile it'll make you famous two minutes roughing your enemies will find you and kill you but it pains me to hide your talents from the world but I don't want to see you dead but to not let you share your gift would violate the laws of truth and beauty itself you done arguing with yourself yet Yes No maybe no yes come on McCool I'll wear my disguise I won't tell anyone not even cookie no one will know I'd like to believe you Jimmy but I've met you I swear on the lives of my children all right but you'll need a fake name we'll call you Jinxy what at toll was already taken [Music] [Applause] [Music] bad omen kids will come back tomorrow [Music] [Applause] [Music] it's 3 a.m. where the hell you been cook you have no idea how much work it is all those tourists needing directions pamphlets ideas of things to do they just take and take I got nothing left to give that corner of uh closes at 10:00 where the hell you going each night Jimmy tell me the truth are you going back to crime no I promise that means you cheating on me a piece of [ __ ] this ain't your bed no more cookie I ain't I promise come on I'm too tired to argue I'll sleep on the couch Oh Virgin Mary I need you I don't know what to do my husband I think my husband is cheating on me all right girlfriend spell tell mama everything don't leave out one juicy detail I don't know he comes home late every night exhausted but with big smile on his face he won't tell me why does he still want to [ __ ] you I don't know I try but he just rolls over and falls asleep oh yeah he's cheatin why do you he's a guy if he ain't getting it from you oh he's getting it from someone okay okay quit your blubbering look Joseph wasn't giving me the time of day either am I hop into bed with God suddenly he's all over me throwing a party in a manger showing me with gold and frankincense and myrrh like I need anymore in myrrh so get out there and make him jealous girlfriend sleep around and when your man back I could never do that I took a vow I I love my husband fat freak all right but don't expect someone to magically appear in the middle of the night and do you cuz that's only happened once [Music] thinks he can leave me home every night well I don't have to stay home I can have fun without him so this is that Jinxy everyone is talking about wow it really is beautiful dogs playing hold up skater getting whacked in the kneecaps at the Olympics Swan and cookie why you cryin miss it it's just so beautiful and so sad shed my said because he's cheating on his wife like my husband is cheating on me on you no way I he'd have to be a total [ __ ] to cheat on a classy broad like you you're just saying that no I ain't I'm sure every day he thinks about how special you are and how lucky he is and if he ain't then he don't deserve you how you doing I'm Jinxy your Jinxy oh I love your work it's inspired you touch me deep in my soul in a way I never felt before I was just about to say the same thing to you now you're making me blush Jinxy I didn't tell you to stop will you excuse me a minute what can a guy flirt with his own wife anymore remember your promise Jimmy she doesn't even know it's me I could have some fun with this sounds kind of twisted I know how often does a guy get a chance to seduce his wife a second time well just be careful hey like I'm gonna catch anything from my own wife I'll wear a rubber I don't feel right about this uncle Cheech gambling is wrong sour dane how do you think I want my third wife do you have a drink is this alcohol but I'm a minor relax they put it in your sippy cup don't worry he's got a fake ID and keep them coming 21 player wins [Music] split double down and a little extra something for you it's beautiful pale imitation of the real thing Oh Jinxy I've had such a wonderful time tonight I don't want it to end maybe you don't have to but Jinxy I'm a married woman you deserve better you deserve the best I shouldn't yeah you should I shouldn't yeah you should oh it's on that was amazing you were amazing am I ever gonna see you again tomorrow too soon I got a big show and it would mean a lot to me to have you there in my corner I wouldn't miss it good night good night oh yeah I still got it Jimmy Falcone still got it wait a minute she didn't know I was me she thought I was him holy crap my wife just cheated on me all right Jimmy calm down go to your happy place cookie is your wife by definition that means no cheating has taken place but she didn't know it was me she thought she was barfing jinksy and you are Jinxy ergo she was boffing you yeah with her body I'm talking about her mind what is she seeing this guy I repeat this guy is you well what do I got that I don't got Jimmy I'm afraid I can't help you on this one so I bid you what you poor Canada where we keep adults or in the family okay it's time to put on the charms and win back my wife from that son of a [ __ ] me so listen about last night what what about last night I'm sorry I've been working so hard I know I ain't been a model-t husband lately but it's a new day and I'm here to make things right now I don't want to come off mushy or anything but you want to get nailed tell you what you go upstairs and get started then finish without me Jinxy hit me kid you got 20 you gotta stand yeah shut your face old man nobody tells me what to do I said gimme the ACE holy crap it's a nice I knew it I can't add em yeah you see that I counted him I'm a card counting mother I'm autistic [ __ ] you and me kid we're going all the way I knew it from the day you was born there was something special about you sir would you come with me please I never seen this kid before in my life good evening everyone I'm Brad whicker's along with South Foster and what a treat we have in store for you tonight it's Jinxy versus block of ice Sal as you could see block of ice dominates in height and weights what jinx he enjoys speed and a definite reach advantage so anything could happen ladies and gentlemen the moment you've been waiting for the fighting ice man the chip off the old block the PIP coverage China [Music] I [Applause] playing the plane three TV stations some Island [ __ ] [Music] and our nation [Music] I must break you cookie cookie I love you I love you too Jinxy Jinxy you bring shame and dishonor to our proud establishment you can't prove nothing that could be anyone you have disrespected our house and our House Rules in return we shall confiscate your winnings over my dead body such arrangements are possible wait uncle cheat he's right this is no place for a 15 year old it's not even legal for me to be here let's go I should turn myself over to the gambling Authority whoa 15 you say let us not be hasty no need to get the authorities involved you may keep your winnings go in peace head shaped like egg oh you done good kid real good thanks uncle Cheech you know I'm still not really sure why I said and did all those things I normally would never do yep booze has a way of doing that dear but be careful you'll go to bed with some very beautiful women yay and wake up with some very ugly ones oh but there's still women right not if it's tequila I'm so confused the more I'm jinx eat the more Jimmy loses cookie but if I'm Jimmy then I can't be Jinxy do I do my heart and lose my wife or do I do my wife and lose my art or do I do a doobie and put on some pink floyd-- have you ever seen anything like it Sal no and I once saw a donkey show at the awana go back to making ice cubes ya bum derivative what did the buckle and there you have it Arina ice sculpting Wow what were we thinking alright well that's it from the Friendly Giant arena in fugly downtown Regina stay tuned for Degrassi the midlife crisis years this seat taken that depends you're looking to sit down next to a bum you stop right there mister I don't care what anyone else thinks you're not a bum yeah Jimmy Falcone you know what you think I've never seen you in a nylon stocking before and they're my nylons plus you used your normal voice you big dope I knew from the beginning I never could put anything past you cook I'm sorry I neglected you made you think I was cheating on you and lied to you seduced you and banged you on a block of ice I'll never do most of it again you kidding me that was the best sex I ever had it was like you were my husband but you weren't my husband liked forbidden fruit and kind of kinky hell yeah I'm just glad it's all out in the open cuz I couldn't take another guy getting with you even if the other guy was me it's all you baby it's all you uh you mind putting the mask back on now that people is art [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] cookie that was super you're a regular George Foreman in the kitchen thanks Jimmy and now for the knockout no Lee no ring a bell do I know you this weekend and I pay tribute to their bravery Mary Jane the Highland Games speaka the English I'm throwing down the gauntlet laddie see you at the table toss what was that some Australian lunatic in a skirt [Music] what's your problem there's this Dutch exchange student at school yet see no one pays attention to him he said he feels invisible and you care about that G white I consider it a civic duty to aid new students yeah yeah yeah bleeding heart save the whales help the Dutchman I get it here's my advice schools like prison he wants a rep tell him to kick someone's ass Gina not every problem can be solved through violence I'm not helping you what a dish is no more get it okay Vicky I had a problem and violence solved it we're gonna demonstrate again no I'd appreciate it if you could keep riffraff like Scottie micboys Oh off on my doorstep but you're a mcdougal now the Scottish community is finally inviting you into the fold you just had to go and make me Scottish dinya why couldn't you just make me Italian because you'd have been too easily identified as ex mafioso oh so Italian automatically means mob to you yeah racist second I gotta put one in your head run your body through a meat grinder and bury you in cement but I take your point so you'll attend the games then at a chance if you were a few this challenge the Scottish Canadian times will brand you a coward you'll wind up on their cyclists along with other things Scottish people hates like the Queen underwear and fresh vegetables do you want your friends back home to find your picture in here Jimmy I guess not then have fun at the games where every culture gets a ridiculous summer bear remember everybody be cool and act like you're Scottish just be crabby and cheap don't worry Jimmy will blend right in with these weirdos uncle Cheech stay outta my closet that's a good color on you sure yeah Lilly levels MacDougall's glue up here and showed up welcome to the Highland Games y'all white girls thank you for inviting us don't get swelled haired Lassie every Scot in the phonebook was invited wait till they keep sing with you Nessie you're on hagas duty go on Oh sheep stomachs don't stuff themselves bland ah to the field of combat woods or should I say Alessi's see Lindy right in let me get this straight we gotta cook this thing stomach how are we gonna get it out same way your father did with Joey the fake [Applause] hammer toss beat that mcdougal mm-hmm you know this kind of reminds me of collecting protection money back home [Music] oh yes well like a bloody Englishman thanks angee it's supposed to be an insult we she's boss snack on Bob mcdougal this reminds me at a time we throw big cheese Romano off the roof something's missing there you go ha ha and you got yourself is Scott why don't you change your name to Scott oh it's on I mean the mascot there's a laughter sheeps lummox in the frigid after Mary's Oh watch your back lamb chop this reminds me of something - yeah I guess I never killed no one with a tree trunk before what you've been living in a cave for climacus good game eNOS ha ha ha Jimmy aren't you mad he beat you you're the sorest loser I know did I lose cheat did I oh brother ah what you get for not don't to the game shall pass talent sorry yet see who would have guessed the Saturday academic achievers Jamboree was just a bunch of grade grubbing dorks but don't worry we'll find you some cool friends mmm my sister suggested you pick a fight with someone to get noticed which is totally absurd Jessie cut it out that's not going to work will you stop it look it's eccentric billionaire Richard wait then do I smell haggis or is that Jimmy's feet and he brought a studio audience to laugh at his dumb jokes might I say cookie you look delicious can I try a bite when it comes to haggis I'm a bit of a gastronome I've eaten it all around the world around the world that would make you ad astronaut seriously that was gold amazing you can barely taste the intestines cookie I have a proposition for you I've been getting propositioned all day you're a bunch of dicks this is my Scottish restaurant we-we-we tins for some reason business has been slow but I think we can turn this place around with cookie as my new executive chef Wow Jimmy what do you think what's that think about you can do this in your sleep but who'll run the house I will how hard can it be to take care of two kids three kids see we'll all be learning new things go for it it might be fun in that case mr. Ethan I accept - home Betty I was starring in the kilt and I'm feeling a wee bit but I'm your new chef cookie mcdougal now I'm a little new to Scottish cooking but I've been doing up wee bit a research and I'm sure you lads and lassies will be great these have been in the freezer for three months you want to serve them to customers this is a restaurant you jag I've got a Vietcong prison camp are you sweating in the soup and what the hell is wrong with you you know what let's just serve a warm double piss squat down No then start over you can cry in the kitchen if I see one more you bum there's crying in here it's get up and you go first [Music] and let that be a lesson to all you [Music] [Music] [Music] Brown meet in pen stuffs red but it'll have to do add onion done look like a picture daddy I need help with my homework I'm a little busy but that's easy capital C daddy I only ate gluten free is that gluten free don't worry I ain't gonna charge you pop I broke yet C's jaw good for you son but he's my friend so you straightened out your friend I'm proud of it but I feel like a monster i said i'm mario quit fishing for compliments daddy can you hand wash my bras and panties oh I ain't touching that stuff does that meat sauce I don't need anything with a face got a face for did I want a chicken fingers I need clean pan oil was killed yes I want a chicken finger I think I eat counseling go to bed olya but it's only 6:30 I said go to bed you know what change my order to face you to cheat bed but Jimmy I have to take off this belt I'll be good I hope yet C's in school today I feel terrible about what the hell Gina's wrong high schools not like prison though I do have goo all over my face I bet that happens in prison amazing cookie in just one week you totally turned this place around how did you do it my kitchen I'm trying to work here oh now now I am your boss he made me go to bed at 6:30 last night I've been up since 3:00 a.m. I naming no names but a certain fat-ass ruined my homework Jimmy I need a change what the hell look at this freakin place there's footprints on the ceiling the TV's on fire and why am i standing in three feet of water oh for God's sake where's your father hey cook nice to see you too look at this place what exactly do you do all day besides work 9:00 to 5:00 okay 10:00 to 3:00 11:00 to 2:00 with a long lunch I'm busting my butt at the restaurant 24/7 and you can't even keep this house going me what kind of mother leaves her family starving and laundry lists and having to figure out the capitals of Canada all by themselves what about your womanly duties oh of course my womanly duties how could I forget remind me again what those are like having dinner ready on the table for your husband like it says in the Bible what of the Bible says that suno the pot when Jesus fights the whale I thought this restaurant thing was gonna be a nice little hobby did you just say nice little hobby that's it I'm out of you where are you going back to work where I get some respects I respect you plenty it's not like I told you to get in the kitchen take off your top make me a sandwich Jack's leak sounds pretty good since cookie won't listen to reason or the Bible we've got to shut this place down you know for the good of the kids kills me to see him neglected like that special agent McCool nice of you to drop by full disclosure cookie I sometimes moonlight as the original health inspector well I'd offer you bribe but my kitchen is so spotless you can eat off the floor he's making a which you don't like in the floor yet Rodney don't worry cookie my visit tonight is strictly as a haggis and Coco Leakey craving customer waiter there's a hand in my soup and you're closed you can't do this sorry cookie we we wheat bins is now officially a crime scene geez tough break cook but hey you had a good run no shame in that Oh for shame there's a foot in the salad bar you're a great chef you deserve success and you would have had it but what are you gonna do it's the unpredictable hand of fate actually it was the handle Lorenzo what I'm saying is maybe this is a sign that your place is at home with your family and their laundry you're right Jimmy nothing to do now but take my failed ass home Jimmy yeah internet connect in it what the hell excuse me sir do you have a reservation what are you talking about to research me this is my house no this is my tea MacDougall's House of haggis you turned our house into a restaurant you said you wanted me home so I came home but it ain't fair to my customers to shut down so I brought them with me thanks for being so supportive sweetheart I do not remember being supportive and I do not remember you having a reservation teach will you look at what cookies done to this place I know if I do a good job I could make dishwasher Gina how about getting your man some food I'm starving here no can do pop will fall up get your shrimp cocktail and a beer no dice all we got here is rob roy's can we get a Heineken a spritzer and a fuzzy navel three Rob Roy's coming up for the last time I do not want to buy a [ __ ] rose finally a little peace and quiet oh my god seriously and he's like touch seriously wow you do have genital wart Jimmy have you lost your freaking mind I can't stand it no more cook I tried being supportive but this restaurant thing is tearing our house apart swashing baby I need you the kids need you shut down the circus and let's be a family again well you said I was great you said I deserved success and now you're running around like a freakin animal killing my business we're shutting this place down - oh well beat sawing off hands ah crap that was you how could you do that to me cookie I'm sorry I was losing my mind you have no idea how hard it is to run a household on your own I don't you looked after the house for a week Jimmy I've been doing it for 16 years enjoy sleeping on the couch mister cuz you ain't get nowhere near my meat locker tonight that's kind of a weird thing to call you of it oh you mean the bedroom if you're gonna have to throw some pants on he's miserable and I feel terrible that's marriage for you what are you gonna do she was happy working at the restaurant and we blew it I gotta go make this right how much writer can you get she's back in the kitchen where she belongs she was in a kitchen you [ __ ] and I'm putting her back there Jimmy she's already there jeej maybe sit this one out alright fine by me I want off this freaking emotional roller coaster anyway alright what do you want I've realized that prison rules don't apply in Canada here people reward the victim not the aggressor if I want to be surrounded by girls like yet see I need to get my ass kicked wait a second you want me to beat you in front of the girls I want some of the action he's getting what better way to get sympathy than by being unjustly trounced by a thug hurry up come on hit me come on just a few good shots real quick give me what I want [Music] what are we doing here McCool called said there was a major situation happening Jimmy what's going on and why are you dressed like an undertaker good evening chef cookie welcome to the reopened we-we-we dance I'll be your new matron D good news cookie your husband helped us solve the mystery of the seven hand thanks to Jimmy you're back in business Oh Jimmy you big sweet [ __ ] you sorry I messed things up for you cook - its kind of slow tonight only two customers it's 8:30 the place should be packed maybe they heard about the hand in this soap people talk you know or maybe it was the fat naked hairy guy hitting people with his junk hmm I was worried this might happen you see cookie pedis is strictly a novelty food people only ever tried once usually under the influence of alcohol so there won't be any repeat customers not one I'm afraid we-we-we Tain's has run its course then why'd you bother reopening yeah why'd I get my hopes up what can I say for me Scottish food can be very hagas for me give it a rest you know wait you and your stupid restaurant just about ruined my marriage well I guess I ain't a cook no more maybe in the kitchen of my heart you'll always be around and leeks for everyone will celebrate the birth of Assad [Music] [Music] [Music] hey everybody guess what I'm a hundred years old that explains the dementia and the incontinence and the dementia I got a letter here from the prime minister congratulating me on my 100th birthday Cheech you're not that old think about it when were you born all's I know is they found me in a Port Authority ladies room stall sometime in June hmm it's definitely from Ottawa this must have something to do with your witness protection profile you know the files McCool gave us with our new identities the ones we were supposed to commit to memory ah the ones he told us to guard with our lives you mean the papers we used to prop up the wobbly toilet hey I was born in a wobbly toilet see my file says I'm allergic to bananas I'm not but I avoid them to stay true to my new identity and because they make me farty sezion Theresa was born in Newfoundland that place sounds totally made up yeah well says here Gina was adopted I know this rat bastard can't be my real father I wish I was fake adopted Oh look Jimmy it says you and I met her to drive through I wonder where we got married I wonder what we had I hope it was burgers know it says we had tacos and you finished mine but there's nothing about our wedding that's because Jimmy and cookie mcdougal never had one Oh page 37 in the appendix you guys are listed as common-law oh that's crazy I don't even like tacos [Music] what's wrong with common-law it's progressive so progressive in fact that you took cookies named Jimmy what was my maiden name Kardashian bin Laden Cosby yeah Google's fine it doesn't matter what these are false identities you still enjoy all the same legal rights as legitimately married couples sorry that's a poor choice of words if we're gonna live together under the same roof we kind of get married in a Roman Catholic Church right we're going Jesus and all the saints can see us she's right with all the things I done I'm walking a fine line with the man upstairs too bad I suppose a wedding couldn't hurt it might even be fun perhaps I could help with some of the arrangements seeing as this unholy union of ours is your fault you can arrange it all splendid I'll get on it right away Oh Canada we're living in sin ain't no sin at all hands off Romeo God's watching I was thinking with mod pot getting married again someone has to be best man oh my god what are you doing uncle Cheech that's major cheese to you privates and what does it look like I'm doing it looks like you've been huffing my airplane glue again I'm a hundred years old what kind of man would I be if I never served my country pretty much the man you are I asked myself not what I can do for my country but what my country can do for me this wouldn't be a ploy to get cheap beer at the Legion would it bingo I may not be a man of means but I got a mean test and Lord knows I earned it I guess that didn't work out so well it did I got drunk felt up a female amputee and picked a fight with some Navy guys they said to come back when I sober up and you don't find any of this ethically troubling I never had no trouble with ethnics rednecks on the other hand they're a pain in the ass now let's get back to base before curfew hoorah [Music] cookie mcdougal love of my life will you marry me Oh Jimmy I didn't expect to get so choked up oh here we go third time's a charm Jimmy Oh God what'd you say I said third time's the charm Jimmy I heard you but what do you mean he's talking out his ass like always no I'm not third time's a charm he's at third time you try something he usually works out I know what it means but why just say it to Jimmy he's probably been sniffin Petey's airplane glue again shut up Shh Jimmy's proposing to you now he proposed to you back in Brooklyn and before that he proposed to Murray I'll go my eggo this is the third time need I draw a picture shut up teach were you engaged when you met me now she gets it in the military they call this fubar means [ __ ] up by a ring what's the one where you get killed by your own men or that's getting fragged you're about to get fried cheese cookie where you going you're making a big deal out of nothing being engaged I'd never tell me about it is nothing for you you never told me you were a stripper yeah met me at a strip joint where I was stripping yeah well there's the difference between showing and telling now come on back inside I read did it touch for this I don't need you and your secrets and lies I don't need nothing from you now can I please have a car keys is this a good time to discuss the seating plan I heard a yes congratulations Jimmy Eddy's Kowalski oh hey the war's over Johnson good bunch of fellas trust them with my life um why is your sleeve pinned up cuz I lost my arm at Iwo Jima I was a Korea I want to say your Rach maybe drink up it's on me and the Canadian taxpayer cookie he'll come around she's just confused and jealous and wrong I get confused and jealous you don't see me from my skirt over my head and moving out we do when you're drunk she's just having trouble separating the before we met pot with the after we met pot which part are we in now oh yeah the drinking part barkeep two more beers and a grape nehi for radar here so mom what are you gonna do now that you gave up your housewife job I gotta figure out a way to be independent of that fat Lorien suckish father of yours who loves you very much so obviously you're going back to being a stripper get me some credit I wasn't a stripper I was an exotic dancer what's the difference pasties and a three drink minimum girls look whatever happens never forget your father and I both still love you very much but now you're gonna compete for our allegiance right who do we spend Christmas with we get two Christmases dumbass I don't think Santa can be in two places at once Gina who names their store brah brah brah oh I'm too bored to even finish it actually it's pronounced bra bra bra bra oh that's catchy can you directly to your exotic dance with I hope I'm not being full wood but you should really consider the double-barreled blunder bust from blender brah yeah I'll show you for a rack like yours it'll strike the perfect balance of lift and separation then you'll locked loaded and looking good Wow the sleeping giants have awoken you want to hire her that woman knows the way around a pair of tits [Music] Cheech did you by chance run into one of my teachers today affirmative I was puking up frontal Allegiant and we had ourselves a little chinwag she invited me to talk to your school for memory day Remembrance Day uncle cheats permission to speak bluntly I prefer English but I'll try to follow you have to stop posing as a veteran private people need heroes someone to look up to to remind them that freedom has a price a price that can only be paid one beer at a time oh no and what you're doing is reprehensible relax I'll take care of the speech you handle a moment of science did I say reprehensible I meant completely insane oh whatever this is Cheech I don't have time is Jimmy here someone needs to decide on invitations Kobe rice paper or Venetian smooth everyone expects these things to just fall into place and now I'm late for wedding band auditions I'm this close to getting loverboy back together hey mister quit cutting the line relax lady do I look like I need a bra yeah you do and a girdle winner cookie yo we're in here I went by your apartment Gina says you're selling bras now yeah and I'm doing real good at it look I'm sorry it got jealous when you found out I was engaged now cut the crap and come home how you doing why would I come home to someone who lies to me I didn't tell you sooner cuz I knew you'd go all crazy apparently I was right way to try to win me back Jimmy now get out of here or I'll call security go ahead I ain't leaving until you agree to be eternally bound to me in the eyes of God [Applause] how am I supposed to fight back bra bra bra bra may I help you oh I think you're looking for bra bra bra bra they're over on dudeney but they suck you should come here hello drinky did Jimmy get laid off it's okay I'm sure your children don't need their mother anymore hey man a bell sorry the washrooms are only for paying customers I need a broad preferably not the tearaway kind you are accustomed to oh you got what we call long distance cleavage this bra will really bring the sisters together oh I like it it's made of memory foam so your girls get that sleeping in their own beds feeling what the heck Annabelle no touching the lap dancer I mean bra fit I'm sorry when you touched me I I had an orgasm my husband hasn't been very affectionate lately how long is lately who can keep track I don't know 168 days whoa nobody is such a [ __ ] [ __ ] tell you what I'm off in ten minutes let me buy you a box of wine just keep that tongue to yourself hot lips finally Jimmy I'm so behind on the wedding plans I can't even spare the time to rebuke you top priority save the date cards though I don't know the date or whom to send them to also the DJ needs a song lists or else it's all going to be new country we're in the prairies Jimmy get a hold yourself McCool change of plans it's gonna be an intimate ceremony where you get on the computer and make cookie and me married what if cook wants to leave me she'll have to divorce me which is a sin so she won't but a boat happily ever after is this what cookie wants who cares what she wants just make us marry am i sensing some pre-wedding jitters here it's perfectly natural to be moved out and got a job sweet conscious uncoupling she's your life partner your soulmate the mother of your children I can't make you two married only you can by all that is holy chains danger MacDougall go and win her back ah you really care about us McCall I'm touched it's my special day and it has to be perfect can you believe it all these years and he never mentioned he was engaged before shifty son of a [ __ ] so you don't keep secrets from Jimmy yeah I just lay it out there if he doesn't like it he can suck it oh wait there is one but I am embarrassed to say tell you what I'll go first I never told my husband that her oldest boy is not actually his oh yeah I need to tell you such a great dad and Tony loves him so much and I oh I can't destroy that because I'm one passion at night with Ted's father Jesus Christ Annabelle you and your father-in-law's baby I know I know but see what I mean some secrets should really stay secret so it's yours I once had a reduction and are you kidding Jimmy never shut up if I told him hey Bo how could you do that to Betty and Veronica he has names for me yeah no I get it [Music] it's an honor to be here today remember those who fight so you little she could have cellphones and open relationships never work for guys like me Private Ryan still be lost in which case no Good Will Hunting you're welcome war is no bowl of raspberries living in a sweaty jungle Charlie breathing down your neck what but when Colonel Potter says take cheeseburger Hill you take it do you mean Vietnam Canada didn't go to Vietnam in honor of this suspicious occasion I went commando when I got dressed this morning my soldiers need to breathe for them that can no more and like the flag outside I too and it have best everyone shut your yaps let's get this middle of boring silence over with so we can go to the bar [Music] this fellow's a phony no but shut up have some respect for the Fallen he's not even a real amputee yes I am ever heard of a phantom limb oh I am the ghost of cheech's arm let's get him oh crap I better fall back catch me on fire [Music] Annabelle honey it's me We Need to Talk it's my husband I called him to pick me up you're out of wine I'm sorry sweetheart it's just I've been feeling self-conscious lately and that's understandable ever since I put on this extra weight huh Oh Ted I don't care about your weight I love you putting Goods let's go home I'll get my coat I'm cookie by the way uh sorry cookie cookie [Music] what da hell well ain't this cozy alright put them up your son of a [ __ ] you think you can fool around with my wife what no Jimmy it ain't what you think ah crap sorry I didn't realize you was uh what it Toby call it at the seminar differently-abled oh so you're cutting me a break are you you don't cut me a break I cut you one one dance muhfucka easy platypus I'm sorry Jimmy can be a real caveman Oh I mean it's unfair that Ted's going to beat up your fat out-of-shape ex okay bondings over get the [ __ ] out of my apartment okay you got a lucky one music [Music] ah had enough I'm just getting started I'll fight for that woman until you beat me so bad I can't remember who I am my name is Timmy right [Music] look is that you you're here of course I am your big log and I'm ready to answer your question it's yes right please say you'll marry me how hard did he kick you that's a yes oh yes I got ordained you try finding a Catholic priest willing to marry a couple living in sin with three children the ring Jimmy my best man's got it it fell inside my cast who wants to reach in and dig it out Oh for Christ's sake ah hey I say my ring [Applause] [Laughter] [Music] [Music] [Music]

Channel: Fugget About It

Views: 2,316,210

Rating: 4.6587806 out of 5

Keywords: fuggetaboutit, fugget about it, Theresa Maria Falcone, Gina Falcone, fugget, mob cartoon, fugget about, forget about it, mob tv show, canadian mob show, canadian mob cartoon, Jimmy Falcone, Cookie Falcone, Uncle Cheech, falcone, falcone mob, Special agent Strait McCool, full episodes, compilations, comedy, funny fugget about it, free tv, Best of Cookie, Full Episode Compilation

Id: 1CrC70RHK8w

Length: 62min 5sec (3725 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 10 2018