Foster Brooks Sketches

hey what you gonna do this weekend well can't I was thinking maybe I'd go to Disneyland I hear they've got a great new ride they're called the Haunted Mansion Frank Sinatra took a girl there last weekend it scared the pants off him at least that's what he told the judge [Music] excuse me I forgive you ever been in Schenectady it's good Mac 50 oh I never was in this connectedly neither was i must have been a couple other guys last time feeling I've seen your food someplace else no it's always been right here I don't top of my neck maybe you've seen me on the television oh oh no I've never been on television since is it our home all right all right if I joined you I I just dropped in for a little drink to settle my nerves before I go to work word what sort of work do you do have an airline pilot how did you get to be an airline pilot I just I used to be a book I used to be a bus driver I sweat took too many chewing drunks on the road what do you fly hornless big big gray gray metal metal things with what a car sticking out on the side for you in here level I've been pretty high in my time have any close calls as a pilot oh yes certain especially since they moved the men's room through the back of the plane I was on a flight from New York to LA a couple of weeks ago and the plane lost an engine oh don't worry I'll turn up there's a lot lot of pressure being if I have flour flying way out there and high in the air and I'll forgive all those white fluffy thing clouds you sure you're not a fighter you know same time turn it's a it's quite a sobering thought and a very inspiring feat feeling to realize that there are hundreds hundreds of people on my plane all depending on me and to that I I haven't a whole pull their life right in the pawpaw [Applause] Oh [Applause] [Music] yeah my god I gotta get to therefore cuz I'm flying a seven for 740 and fly a 747 to not London tonight and a plane to schedule leave precisely one hour and for 43 minutes ago yeah I had a little accident though I was looking for a ball in the woods and a snake bit me asked not a foot huh you're alright well I was fine but it's it it took the snake all afternoon to get rid of the hangover [Music] this or stick excuse me sir can you tell me if if I am a man or a woman thank you very much I was I was just in here yesterday and when I was there I left my GLAAD my cup I left my glasses in the washroom and I didn't remember with rich one do you come in here often oh just this very once in a while but that I come in there every day to get a little drink so to says it says the old saddle my nerves you know for going before going to work kind of work do you do I'm at the end of it I would Danis dentist oh well where do you work in the mouth wait just a second do you mean to tell me that you actually you actually hold a drill inside people's mouths with that hand of course not I use this one use any ether just just enough so I don't hear hear the screams [Laughter] you know I got a little I got a tooth that's a little sensitive maybe I should come and see you oh well no why don't that just take a little look at it now open wide what you're doing in your mouth is my pal nor that that your finger I don't know I'm not sure I trust you tell me have you ever pulled out the wrong tooth or never neruneru pulled out their phallus town ones [Laughter] his tongue well what did they say he should [Music] [Applause] I mean wasn't he mad at you barley was it for her he was it for at first but when I told you to put it under a spell all that the tongue the tongue fairy would visit him [Music] well I'm gonna do I know you are your Dean Dean Martin you know You Know Who I am oh I don't would you mind asking around hi fella I'm Virginia mail I'll take your word for it just don't don't ask me to hold the Mayo I remember it now I remember right I jet I'm Phil Philip Burnside I just just came in a little drink you know for going to work just start to set him so my nerves what what kind of work do you do I'm a very brain surgeon [Laughter] [Applause] you know you know what what did the brain as a motion poor important it's emotion part what happened the prior divided community human body oh you're not that your space grad think now the most important is breath know [Applause] I guess I'll be you know you're just you just think ever little thought now just what we're the man be we be without a brain a politician he'd be a be a vegetable and I know some of them who have turned into four crews do you have do you have a drinking problem no not as long as the bars are open being a surgeon you have to have nerve nerves of steel a brain is a very delicate people over Oregon it has three three three main books main parts it has a second there cerebrum [Music] and there's one one more of the yo Oh what I have to call often our Lord when I see it that reminds me I forgot to give a good back to the hospital oh you want me to give you a lift Oh watch me I will think I've driving with anybody new your congestion [Music] I need help they told me the doctor was here help doc [Laughter] what seems to be watching her to be their trouble I can't see this if this guy an arrow chicken doc you're gonna do something I've got I lost a lot of blood oh no he ate it it's right there all do you're just a kite ah well quite a crowd everything I would take a real check lawyer sick cowboy you better call you you can call call it a doctor well in that case you better call call it a priest why why fool around with the middleman Teresa no well how about that today oh well good and I've got a little work fat is that serious no no I had a broad waiting waiting up there sticking through my chest what am I gonna do well you can't always dress up like a blank like a chicken and get a job as a weather vane oh sure some helpful what made you become a doctor anyway well it's the same old story of my mother who always wanted me to marry a Jewish girl just what can I do here write this thing yes dude hey are you sterile you are you can I said I got here oh hey you know that arrow went right through the middle of the vac I guess I'm a lucky man how would you would you what do you mean by that well the guy who shot me could have been a [Applause] be honest with me and be honest with me [Music] how long well in in these cases there spiders are recent advances in the men in medical science we didn't spray the man for fact we can map the exact interpretation affricates we cannot be exact and opportunity in what's going on yeah however if you're careful you don't work too hard yes yes for proper rest and exercise prudence brilliantly stay away from same fatty food and in general take it easy or white see how long you got only watching Vasu do it half minute you could go just like that well I'm gonna go kiss my girl goodbye oh oh well in that case if I were you I would make sure that she's worth wearing a padded bra you know what you need you need forget your troubles and I know you come with me tonight and we'll go someplace to make it make you forget where were we going to are we do foster foot Wayne Newton's Vincent's right and appearances by Jack parties loads meri kasam Chuck Connors Leo Durocher Alex Karras Don Rice the third and the man of the week Bobby Rick [Music]

Channel: V8bluebottle

Views: 2,639,341

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Id: TVhdEitZFaE

Length: 17min 14sec (1034 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 10 2020