🔴 Jeff Dunham - Unhinged in Hollywood Live Stream

ladies and Gentlemen please welcome Jeff Dunham thank you so much thank you very much have a seat oh my gosh ladies and gentlemen it does not get any better than this right here at the Dolby in Hollywood California this is fantastic and I I have to tell you know this is right here they have the Oscars the Academy Awards doesn't get any better than that this is fantastic and tonight we are here plenty of adult beverages yes and a middle-aged guy on stage arguing with his dolls it's a magical night ladies and gentlemen but I am a ventriloquist for those of you who might not have figured that out yet and people ask me all the time Jeff why this as a career well I've never done anything else I taught myself in trism in the third grade got a dummy and just kept practicing I didn't have any brothers and sisters so there was no one there to tell me that what I was doing was incredibly lame and since I was adopted I guess my parents were like not our fault as a kid I didn't know it was weird to be of inist but I got picked on for it the good part was the bullies didn't know who to stuff in the gym locker first me or the freaking doll as for my parents they were supportive of my hobby but when I was a kid if I said something stupid my father would go stop talking out of your butt ironically that could be a whole new bit in my show little muffled voice let me out I'm working on it by the time Junior High rolled around to make matters worse Not only was I a ventriloquist but I also chose to play the trombone yeah the babes were lined up for that so in school I had braces I played the trombone and I carried around a dummy even the Nerds were like dude you can't sit with us I'm not kidding the short School Bus started picking me up simply because the driver figured he was supposed to after I graduated from college I moved out to Los Angeles got married had three girls and because it was part of our everyday lives I guess my girls thought that what I did for a living Was Not Unusual one day when my youngest daughter was playing at a friend's house she turned to the other kid and goes where are your daddy's dolls true story but but my daughters are now young women I'm remarried I'm the luckiest guy on the planet to have my wife Audrey when we got married I know I came with a lot of baggage there's an ex-wife three daughters six talking dummies try putting that on your match.com profile but we're here tonight because my ACT has taken me places I'd never thought possible we've done shows in South Africa Abu Dhabi Israel Malaysia and places where they can barely speak English like France and Southern California but they even want me in China heck yeah I'll go to China and then I can see the factory where small children make my Jeff D to merchandise oh like Santa Claus is any freaking different but I'm kidding all of my merchandise is made right here in the good old us OFA including the little stickers on the bag that they made in China but you guys ready for the little people in the boxes all right the first guy I would like to introduce I think audien is like because everyone knows someone like this you know somebody like this in your own family or where you work please help me welcome my old friend Walter shut the hell up Al if they like you only because they were drunk the floor they got here aren't you happy to be here not exactly why not this town is too freak bizar for me why do you say that on my way in here tonight I saw Aquaman on Hollywood Boulevard what the hell why would Aquaman be on Hollywood Boulevard well there's a drought I guess he's homeless you know Walter there are a lot of things to like about Los Angeles like what traffic from hell highest gas prices in the country wildfires mud slides and earthquakes yay I love it here dumbass you ever been in an earthquake uh does my wife falling off of the couch count what the oh it's you why are you in a bad mood already well do you know what it's like to wake up and discover that your life of 45 years is left and isn't coming back no I don't yeah me neither but I Can Dream can I is it really that bad yes the other day little her birthday she started yelling at me t i' let her see a diamond oh a diamond what'd you do I took her to a laball game so does your wife like Hollywood yeah she thinks it's crazy how many folks in this town get plastic surgery oh she wouldn't do that why why not come on putting new headlights on on minan doesn't make it a [Applause] corette yeah these guys know what I'm talking about and the women who get those thake giant hooa they don't want you to missing either how's that you look those women in the eye when you're talking to them they they got all pissed off and they go hey like boobs are down here I bet your wife likes at least a few things in La like what I don't know that Kardashians are filmed here I'm sorry I threw up in my mouth a little Kardashians hey Who the hell's that new tall chick she's kind of hot did I miss something yeah I think so what the hell are you laughing at alter that's Caitlyn who the hell is Caitlyn oh Bruce has a sister no what the hell so funny what is she available no I don't know look what does your wife watch on TV I don't care are you guys Happy look at me but you still love her yeah of course but like no mares we had been through some difficult times sure but we stayed together because of the children oh you say your your children saved your marriage yeah bastards well admittedly a good marriage can be hard work yeah I know I know I know I know it can yeah we went to a marriage therapist one time just once it was a therapist you didn't like the therapist oh no he seemed like a good guy that after listening to my wife talk for 10 minutes he jumped out the window seriously absolutely and if Liv for the leash around my nuts I would have followed the guy it was a choke collar all right look Walter I know for a fact that you love your family you still love your wife and I think that even at this age every once in a while you should still try and be romantic with your wife good Lord like how I don't know you ever speak to your wife in a foreign language like in French some women love that I call her a French name now and then M Cherry causing loo so is there romance between you two h not long ago my wife left the trail of rose tettles on the floor for me oh into the bedroom right out the front door you know there are plenty of romantic places in this country you could go for a special time together like where top of the Empire State Building oh no we tried that a security guard took one look at her and went uhoh King Kong is see just like that you've been married for over 45 years have you ever seen anything to your wife that you truly regret oh yeah will you marry me I love you [ __ ] like that come on when your wife is in a romantic mood do you ever think about taking one of those little pills cide oh yeah I do [Applause] actually come on what does your wife put on when she's feeling frisky at bedtime night visan goggles then she sneaks around the house and hunts my ass down it is scary stuff my friends when was the last time you even put your arms around your wife couple of leagues ago and she was choking on a e of steak you see there he gave her the him lick yeah I know I was drunk I don't know what I was thinking I was so close maybe you could do something simple like watching a movie together oh no every time we watching Lov she falls asleep and the next morning I have to drive back to the theater to pick her up and bring her home have you done anything fun in town here this week you know I don't like getting out oh you're a little bit of a hypochondriac yeah why don't you wear one of those paper masks why it's tapler it can't stop anything I mean hell the Constitution is tapler and another stopped our current Administration just trying to get a read on the crowd tonight so I you're not exactly happy with our government right now are you kidding me congress's approval rating is at 12% joic has a higher rating than that so you paying attention to the presidential candidates oh yeah how would you feel about a female president oh Sil with me just whoever it is make sure it's after she hits nin Claus Walter what I was there when my life went through it she had been presed then holy crap I'm hot I'm cold I'm scy I'm clany [ __ ] you Russia launch the [Applause] missiles you realize you just defended about half the room here yeah and the other hat is trying not to look at their wives and going yeah he's got a point so you told me you've been getting on the computer a lot lately oh yeah been getting on Facebook what you get on Facebook yeah what do you do on Facebook I like getting on there and defriending everybody possible why just so they wonder what the hell they did wrong it's funny as hell that's not nice I know if it was nice it wouldn't be funny as hell I did actually lose a friend on Facebook the other day without defriending him how's that well an old bloody line posted that his wife died oh I clicked like then I posted mine still alive sad place so you're getting into social networking yeah a little bit you know what I don't understand is why young coules today keep nude photos of themselves on their phones and then text into each other what the hell when I was young in dating my wife I never thought she's so beautiful I'm going to marry her the first I'm going to send her is picture like balls [Applause] what people ask me all the time if my show is familyfriendly what am I supposed to say now it depends on your family well since you've gone there do you and your wife have a decent love life oh she does things to mix it up now and then really yeah she L A Tear of handcuffs really yeah like I need another iner that I'm serving a life sense handcuffs at our age that's like 50 Shades of old and gray so is there good communication between you two I guess the other night she said you're Li say no but your eyes say yes would you say I have glockoma so how's the actual love life you mean sex yes it's always doggy style Walter yeah sure old over in place dead then I just lick myself and go to sleep I'm sorry Walter come on good C when you can paint vivid pictures in everybody's heads that was a [ __ ] thing go yes it was say good I Walter thanks everybody that's Walter there we go all right thank you well behind me you see something that hints at the next guy he's from somewhere down south he's a good old boy please help me welcome my buddy Bubba [Applause] J how you doing bu J how I'm doing part again so what's been going on lately well uh last week I went to another NASCAR race and got H hamard drunk again oh no it's the same drunk I just keep extending it yeah if you're not drinking at a NASCAR race you're not at a NASCAR race where are you you're at Gulf and Bubba J do you drink excessively I don't know what that word means what's the longest you've ever gone without a beer how long is I done out here less than a minute there you go do you know you're drinking limits uh daily or lifetime how can you tell someone's lifetime limit on drinking beer well if they die when they're drinking that was it what I meant was do you know how much beer you could have before you've had too much I could have too much beer sure that would be fantastic have you ever drank as much as you wanted what happened you looked pretty can't you have fun without beer yeah but why risk it I don't know would you rather drink beer out of a can a bottle or on tap oh yes yes and yes just remember Bubba J you should never drink alone you're not fooling anybody that's why you have us say your favorite time to drink is at sporting events oh yeah sporting events yeah it's good yeah do you drink beer every day uh only on like days off oh you don't have a job Tada my favorite holiday to get drunk on is St Patrick's Day oh oh there's all the Germans right I didn't know you were Irish I not I also get drunk on Cinco Deo and laon Luther King Day and I'm not next good or black oh okay oh sorry sorry sorry sorry what I don't want anybody think I'm I'm racist why would anyone think you're racist because I said Mexican and I also said black sorry Bubba J it's okay to say Mexican and black it is sure why cuz every hair is white no it it's just okay to use those words okay well thanks the keing the real cracker oh wait a minute no no you're a Saltine American so buba J you know we're right here in Hollywood oh yeah sure what do you think of la oh I don't like it you don't like La Oh I thought you said AA I like LA and I love beer that's good but I got to do something about in the gut are you going to start working out oh no I'm going to get a bigger shirt somebody told me that to stay in shape I should get a trainer that's a good idea I did it you did yeah how's that going pretty good so far I can sit and shake and roll over and then I get a cookie so what else do you know about La uh the dad traffic here L's KN of larage how's that you're stuck in it because there was an [Applause] accident Walter told me to tell that one that's a good one here's another one Walter told me you want to hear this no getting married is like your iTunes agreement how's that you'll have no idea what you're saying yes to but you'll agree just so it'll shut the hell up [Applause] so you've been to Disneyland oh I love Disneyland did you yeah did you see it's a small world is that the one where you go on a date and it turns out she's your cousin and you go o it's small world then they're done that hey did you know they now sell beer at Disneyland I didn't know that how old do you have to be to drink beer at Disneyland oh no everything goes like hey so you got drunk at Disneyland no I stay drunk at Disneyland bua J that's not good I know it was bad at the arcade I thought we were really hunting and I shot Donald Duck he had a big one in the suit now he walks a little goofy you get it goofy hey did you know know that here in La last week some guy tried to sell neam mat to the Stars oh did you get it no I went dub buddy just look [Applause] up so Bubba J when we're in Southern California are you ever worried about earthquakes no I'm used to it the ground is always moving when you're Handler if it stopped suddenly that's when I fall down hey do they have wwm Lords in Los Angeles sure you like Walmart oh yeah it's so convenient where else can you get cheesus love kid sorry I screwed up the JW okay all right wait a minute you screwed up the joke Don't make me say what I did you did and then make it your fault I fault I brain hurts now what were you trying to ask no what were you trying to make me ass I didn't screw this up you did I need the Dum but you're helping [Applause] me all right all right you want to try that joke again huh you want to want to try the joke again you you need from the start sure just just to get it right the redo the whole joke yeah okay okay okay okay okay okay what's my first line do they have Walmarts in Los oh okay okay walm okay this is like acting yes okay take two hey Jeff yes Bubba J oh that was really natural you're good that was good okay hey do they have lawn Lords in Los Angeles hurry up you're [ __ ] up the timing [Applause] yes they do have Walmarts in Los Angeles don't laugh when I talk it [ __ ] the whole thing up you like Walmarts yes it's so convenient where else can you get cheit tampons and a canoe all in the same place and now like to our regularly scheduled choke hey Mr D why are we on stage like this all the time this is my job what is this is to stand here and talk to everybody that's right that's your job yeah don't exactly need a college education for this do you well I graduated from college oh now you do this that's right that's a big ass was of money wouldn't it you need more education to boil an egg than you do this hey can you boil an egg yeah there there you go you got something to fall back on hey I forgot to tell you Walter told me I should get on titter Twitter oh well that doesn't sound as fun does it hey you know what the hardest part is about the internet for me what learn all the passwords well we'll keep it simple just use the name of someone you love like dog sure what's your dog's name dog your dog's name is dog actually it's Doug but the U is silent it's Italian bu J have you tweeted oh yes I that it's a big room I didn't know you know I usually bled on dog hey somebody told me they saw me on the internet oh have you Googled yourself not in public and not a lot okay I can still see so I take it you grew up in a small town yeah pretty small how small well we didn't have the street light so the hooker stood under a flashlight I called her ever ready you know Walter and I were talking about our government yeah do you pay attention to politics oh yeah pay attention yeah politics yeah sure do okay well I can I ask you your opinion on some current issues no yeah C isses okay let's talk about some things you might be familiar with okay for example Bubba J what is your feeling on gun control oh I know this one oh yeah if you're drunk and seeing double shoot in the middle so what do you think about taxing the 1% oh I don't know I drink whole milk are you familiar with the term No Child Left Behind I think the movie is actually called home alone so what do you think about immigration reform is it bad for me to say I'm kind of on the fence on this one all right what do you think about the clintons my wife says I can never find it [Applause] no Hillary Clinton it has a first [Applause] name I always thought the full name sounded like a dinosaur Clinton saurus either way it's thos alized how would you feel about a woman president oh no does Obama want to look on a woman too I all FL a woman president just so long she doesn't start all her speeches with where the hell were you last night but I heard it could be Hillary against Jeb that's right either way we're going to have the bush in the White House you get it I'm sorry you're Bush you get it yeah unless she goes to Brazil you stuck you get it cuz there's no bu I got him I do some of these just for me you know so so another big issue I'm afraid even to ask this one um how do you feel about fracking me and the wife are down to that once a month no I'm talking about drilling into a hole and hitting gas yeah so am I second night buff J no Noy that's [Applause]

Channel: Laugh Society

Views: 1,471,244

Keywords: LaughComedyDynamics, Laugh Society, Jeff Dunham, Jeff Dunham - Unhinged in Holiday, LSOSCD0201

Id: x4_OgadABgc

Length: 30min 49sec (1849 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 26 2024