EX-Wife Shows Up After 11Yrs Of No Contact To Demand My Daughter Donate Bone Marrow To Stepbrother

long story short my ex-wife and i were married for seven years we split up because she had mental health issues that led her to repeatedly cheat on me with a co-worker i got full custody of our daughter because my ex-wife tried to hurt her and drive into a ditch my ex-wife has never paid the court-mandated child support and i never pushed it because i make a significant amount of money at my job and she's unemployed we split 11 years ago and our daughter is now nearly an adult my ex-wife made no attempt to stay in contact she got with the guys she had been seeing and they had a son together shortly after we divorced about three months ago my ex-wife contacted me to say that my daughter wasn't actually mine she was the product of the affair with the guy she's now married to and that my daughter needed to donate bone marrow to her brother i refused she contacted our daughter by showing up at school and when her daughter refused to talk to her she's unhappy that after all this time her mom only shows up when she wants something my ex-wife escalated to screaming at her about being ungrateful for being alive her daughter came home very upset and broke down about how upset she was that her mom never reached out to her after the split and how now the only reason she's contacted us is because she needs something as a result of how upset she was i've gotten legal advice my ex-wife is now having a meltdown over facebook because i won't force our daughter to talk to her or donate bone marrow am i the idiot here not the idiot i doubt everything your ex-wife said about your daughter not being yours i'd get a dna test just to shut her up because i don't believe her if she's half siblings with the boy not being a match is even a high chance even if their full siblings is 25 chance that they match anyway it's her body and if she doesn't want to donate and go through all that then she doesn't have to your ex-wife has no right to tell her what to do with her body just like you have no right to force her to donate not so sure about that dna test if it indeed turns out the daughter is not his that will maybe make unnecessary wounds you are not the idiot but you could talk to your daughter about donating marrow to save another person's life i'm signed up to the registry and ready to save the life of anyone in the world who might benefit it's not the fault of the dying child and it won't kill your daughter so please consider talking to her about the possibility of saving a life but she probably won't match anyway this you could do this independently of the case at hand and donate anonymously probably depends on the laws in your place through the system without any contact with the ex the donation procedure is fairly harmless relative to the benefits it can bring so it's a good idea anyway also you're free to stop at any point if you're no longer okay with it donating bone marrow is an invasive procedure it's not like giving blood he may technically be her brother but as far as she's concerned she's basically being coerced to donate to a stranger cancer has always been really bad in my family in the last five years we lost my cousin and my maternal grandmother to cancer my elderly father with dementia was diagnosed with skin cancer last year and my uncle just started hospice care after battling with lung cancer for years on top of this my uncle had been previously cared for by my aunt but she was killed in a car accident back in january so my uncle and their young son moved in with my mother because of this my mom is now caring for two people with cancer and a child while trying to continue to do her job elementary school teacher via zoom meetings global situation prevented me from being able to help my mother but once restrictions eased and my wife and i had been self-isolating for four weeks before that i started going to my mother's to help out this ended with me spending the last month and a half there helping make sure my cousin was doing his schoolwork and coordinating the hospice workers who are coming into my parents home to deal with my uncle well my mother primarily handles my father last week my wife called me and told me she had found a lump in her breast just before i left the last time but hadn't wanted to worry me if it was nothing but after a number of appointments it has been confirmed that it is breast cancer she said that it was caught in the early stages and the prognosis is good her doctor recommended a mastectomy then she asked me when i was coming home because she wanted me with her for her surgery this is where i think i might have been the idiot i told her to ask her family to support her through the surgery because there were multiple people in my family that needed me not just her she got quiet and said okay then got off the phone we usually talk daily but she hasn't called me or answered my calls since this morning i looked at my phone to find multiple text messages from her family members who live on the other side of the u.s calling me an idiot for not being there for her my mom has said that my wife will get over it and it's just too little surgeries one to remove the breast and one to put in an implant she'll be fine i think my mom acting like it's no big deal was the biggest sign that i might have messed up she's never really liked my wife so her not taking the opportunity to also crap on my wife for even asking for my help is a red flag but i don't want to leave my family in the lurch to go sit with my wife for what is probably just a couple of routine surgeries my grandmother had a mastectomy for breast cancer she later became a peer support volunteer for women going through it it is not just a couple of routine surgeries it is an intense psychological trauma in addition to physical injury a woman's breasts are more than just a physical feature they're part of us in a way your testicles are a part of you and the loss of one or both is a major event you are the idiot although i understand your reasons she is your wife you promise to be with her for better or worse she is your priority it's a tough position you're in but your wife needs you after all it wouldn't be just an operation if you had to have a testicle removed for cancer would it you are such an idiot congrats you just ended your marriage basically booked a first class trip to nomo lovin land you are so wrong you're basically a terrible partner like the fact that you were this oblivious to the fact that you married your wife not your mom your priority is to your wife that's what those silly little vows you exchange to each other mean too many people get married and then still act terrible like this i wouldn't be shocked if her family puts you on blast publicly eventually like there's no recovery from this stunt unless you're on your knees begging for mercy absolutely unforgivable so i 18 female have an older sister 25 and two parents my sister moved out from her house about a year ago and has been in a live-in relationship with her girlfriend of three years now both my parents are very health-conscious and hence my sister and i always led an extremely active lifestyle we both were toned and fit and all of our relatives and friends praised us for it this very thing made my mother very happy needless to say my mother is extremely fat phobic she's the kind to think that anybody who's fat is lazy she doesn't outright fat shame anybody but raise my sister and i by telling us we were never to become fat otherwise it would be impossible to become thin again anyway since my sister moved out she gained a ton of weight my mom had started freaking out months ago about this she would constantly call my sister to tell her to lose weight and anytime my mother brought it up my sister would simply cut the call yesterday my sister's girlfriend's family was coming over and we were going to have lunch together my sister texted me beforehand and told me to make sure mom didn't bring up her weight with everyone around i made my mother promise me she would not bring up my sister's weight when everybody came over and settled down we were having a good time lunch was good although my mom kept nastily viewing my sister as she took seconds after lunch my mom came over to me and told me she had decided to publicly humiliate my sister about her weight i was like what she said that if she publicly embarrassed her my sister would lose weight out of spite after that i kept trying to pull my sister away from my mother i could see she wanted us all to be together but i simply couldn't let that happen at one point my mom came over to me and told me to quit it and let her do her job as a mom she told me she was going to take a quick run to the bathroom and then embarrass my sister i quietly followed my mother to her bedroom once she went inside i locked her in the bathroom and ran out towards the living room my sister and her girlfriend's family were almost leaving we hugged and everything my sister asked where mom was and i told her she had to go take a nap because she wasn't feeling well once they left i went and unlocked the door and my mother went crazy yelling at me and at one point throwing the tv remote in my direction i don't know if what i did was the right thing am i the idiot edit so i was able to lock her from the outside because a lot of the doors in our house have a bolt from the outside it's weird but it's a very old house and i did tell my sister what i did and my sister thanked me for it she blocked my mom's cell my mom is not speaking to me and has been calling my sister's girlfriend just so my sister will talk to her my father agrees what my mom was planning to do was terrible but he thinks i should not have locked her in at it too so i think my mother is textbook horrible because she isn't letting me eat food we aren't allowed to order food to the house either everything is made at home i have no option but to sneak into the kitchen when she isn't around and try and find any food that isn't locked up because i'm actually really hungry might call my sister and ask her to send me food thank you for your kind replies edit three hello last edit i hope i talked to my sister and she is making arrangements for me to live with her i've collected all my cash and some identification my mom doesn't know about this if everything goes well i will post an update in another post i feel like you all are my protective older siblings thank you so much for the overwhelming kindness you are not the idiot you spared your sister from what likely would have been a traumatizing moment for her however your mom is absolutely a nasty idiot and she needs to learn to not be such a witch to both of you especially your sister right now she shouldn't be surprised if your sister just cuts her off entirely one day it sounds like that is happening what is rich is that the mother's blaming op for driving a wedge between mom and sister mom is doing the classic triangulation op didn't ruin the relationship mom did that all on her own with the planned emotional mistreat by punishing opie by denying food mom is destroying another relationship as well i'm from england but now live in a different country i left england because there was a specific person i was trying to get away from once i was settled i gave my parents my contact information with strict instructions to not share with anyone the one specific person i was trying to avoid showed up at my place within a week i had to call my cousin and his friends to get rid of him then i packed up and moved to a new place when he'd been taken away i asked my parents how that guy found me dad was shocked asking if i was all right and swearing he didn't tell i pressed mom on it and she admitted to telling him i scolded mom for putting me and my daughter at risk and spent the next 48 hours with the person i was avoiding and mom calling texting me so i had to change my number it's been six years since then i've moved to a new place where i've been this whole time and i've refused to give my mom my address we're still in touch so she knows i'm safe but i no longer trust her with more than my email address and i even set my phone number to private when i talk to her she still comes to this country occasionally but when she does she gets a hotel so she's never been to my house the event that prompted this post happened earlier mom has spent six years asking for my address saying now she knows what happens when she shares my address she won't make the same mistake again every time i respond to that i can't trust her with the address and her not knowing is safest then today we were talking about christmas and mom said she'd like to come to us i said that would be nice and that one hotel she stays at regularly has a nice christmas dinner that i could book us into there was a long silence on her end and then she said so you still don't trust me i said that i didn't want to get into this again but she said if i wanted her out of my life then i could have just said so and that she's my mother she should know where i live i said that if i knew i could trust her then this wouldn't be an issue and she said that it's been six years and i've never given her the opportunity to prove herself as trustworthy in this time and that giving her my address is the best way to do that to which i responded that i don't make the same mistake twice and she hung up on me since this my siblings a brother and a sister have messaged me saying that i've really upset mom i have to give her a chance i should apologize and that i can't hold one mistake she made six years ago over her for the rest of her life am i the idiot for refusing to give her my address you are not the idiot she broke your trust and from the sound of it put you and your daughter at risk why is she even talking to this guy that causes you so much pain you and your daughter come first not her secondary contentment it also does not sound as if she ever made a solid amends i'm talking about showing she deeply understood what she did wrong why it was wrong why her child felt as they did what a betrayal that was etc etc she can't have understood how damaging her actions were if she's been nagging you for your address ever since if she does not understand what she did wrong she'll just do it again you are not wrong refusing to give your address isn't punishment it's to keep you and your daughter safe from someone who's clearly a threat so much so that you fled your home country and moved again immediately when said person found you because of your mom who didn't even admit to it at first so clearly she knew she wasn't supposed to be handing out your info she not only broke your trust she did so in a way that potentially put you in danger i'm guessing this is a stalker situation which certainly can escalate to violence what's more important to your mom and your siblings her pride or the safety of you and your daughter a week ago i turned 23. i've been with rye nickname for five years engaged for two and living together for three raya is 27. rai has really been my rock she encouraged me to go university let me move in with her when i couldn't cope with my parents and gave me the push i needed to accept myself and be happy she's just this great woman but maybe i'm biased we've never been a family to really celebrate birthdays i'd get something small and a card and that would be it but for whatever reason my mother wanted to celebrate this birthday and i agreed let her and my sister 30 arrange everything a week before my birthday i get told that rye wasn't invited because my grandmother and mother don't like her age difference and they think she turned me and that maybe we could do two meals one with my siblings and rye and one with my family but then my other sister texted me an hour later saying she'd talk to the family about inviting rai a few days before my birthday she said it was a no-go but they'd arranged something else to include rai where i was fine with not being invited but i'm not i just decided to drop it and just didn't turn up now my family are texting me saying that i've embarrassed them and that i could have done something with rye later on and that i'm being manipulative i'd ignore this but ry is upset that i've made them think she's behind this and they'll blame her for it sorry for not making it clear i am a woman not a man so yes them accusing her of turning me is them accusing her of turning me gay am i the idiot not the idiot let's start with that it is first and foremost your birthday a day that should be about you and should be how you want it to be if people want to throw you a party that is fine but they should for a party that you actually would want to attend and that includes not specifically excluding one of the most important persons in your life your fiance it was probably not the nicest way to address this by simply not turning up and maybe it would be good to elaborate why you did not show did you concerning rai you should make it clear to your family that it was your decision and yours alone because you would not want to go to a birthday party without rye present and you should probably explain to ry why you did it a very mild you are the idiot did you make it clear to your family that if rya is not invited you weren't interested in attending if not then you basically blew your family off i understand that you want to support your fiance which is great but support requires clear expectations and consequences and more importantly not putting the person you're supporting in an awkward position i female18 notice six months back that one of my lipsticks was missing and didn't think much of it thinking i'll find it somewhere and sometime after a pair of my earrings go missing around the time my younger cousin girl comes around to play it didn't take long for me to realize that she steals something every time she comes over yesterday she came over again just like i thought one of my expensive makeup items was missing she was still at home playing while her parents were chatting so i call her in the living room and ask sweetly if she can show me what's in her bag she freezes up and refuses so i grab her bag and pull out what she stole she starts weeping and crying and claims that i gave her that to keep it which i didn't to my surprise her mother calls me a spoiled witch for making a poor child cry who doesn't know wrong and right and even if she did steal that cheap thing you didn't have to humiliate her in front of everybody and my mother agreed with her and let my cousin keep that lip gloss my parents are calling me petty that i'm upset by a child but i paid for it with my own money that's not always easy to save as a college student my dad says he'll get me another one but only if i apologize to my cousin should i apologize to her i think it could have been handled better but your mom and aunt are the idiots here i think you should have brought it up with your parents first and ask your mom to talk about the subject with your aunt although we know your aunt would have never admitted it or allowed any accusations as for your cousin her age is plenty old enough to know right from wrong especially if it's taking something that isn't theirs i'm not gonna say you're wrong but your approach was kinda sucky [Music]

Channel: ASK GURL

Views: 62,710

Rating: 4.9032779 out of 5

Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit donate, reddit ex wife, reddit no contact, reddit bone marrow, reddit kidney, reddit mom demands I donate, reddit family drama, reddit affair partner, reddit dna test, reddit dna tested

Id: XOT9MTMnW8I

Length: 19min 6sec (1146 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 05 2021