FULL STORY: I'm Pregnant But BF Demands I Sell My Home Bc He Needs My Money To Start His Business

for several years i was a club dancer i have no shame about what i did and only quit when i got a better job offer in the time i worked as a dancer i intentionally lived as cheaply as possible nasty little studio flat living off ramen wearing old clothes because my co-workers all told me that they were able to buy their own places on their income so long as they saved like crazy before i retired i managed to outright buy myself a three-bedroom flat i rented out the other rooms for a while but i got sick of having roommates so now i have them up online for shorter stays but not to rent i met this guy about 18 months ago and we've been together since he knows about my employment history and he said that he has no issue with it though he did ask me to tell his family the white lie i occasionally use on my cv and stuff which is that i was a waitress which it kind of was to be fair a month ago we found out that i'm two months pregnant he says this is great news and we should move in together i assumed he'd be moving into my place because he rents his far smaller one-bedroom flat well i own mine and i have room for a baby's room while he doesn't also i really don't want to leave my flat it's my flat i love it i could see myself living here for the rest of my life and i don't want to lose the security of owning a flat and have to go back to paying rent to a mortgage each month however he then said that he didn't want to move into my place and said i should sell it and we'd buy a place together i said that i like my place it means a lot to me that i was able to buy it and it represents years of working so hard scrimping and saving he then said that he understands all that but we should be living together by the time the baby comes and he didn't want to live in my flat i asked him why not it's a great flat it's central to everything it's spacious it's got room for all his stuff there's a daycare in the building run and owned by another tenant and a school five minute walk away the list goes on and he said that he didn't want to live in a flat that was bought with dirty money that really ticked me off and i told him no way am i selling my flat and that he never had an issue with my money paying for this flat before now i said i wasn't giving up the security of owning a home for someone who tries to make me feel ashamed about something i don't feel ashamed of he said that his point is if i sold the flat then we could get a new place with the money from the sale i said wouldn't that still be dirty money and he said that's different and i asked how he then said he was going back to his place because i can't talk to you when you're in this state he's gone back to his flat now and he's texted me saying i'm overreacting and irrational and i need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally he said he wouldn't feel right raising a child in my flat knowing how i purchased it and selling or moving is the best idea for all of us not to mention the fact he isn't on the deed because it's my place and it would never feel like our place because of this i feel like i might be the idiot because i get why he might feel like it's just my place and i feel i'm being too rigid in a time we need to work together plus i spoke to my sister and she sided with him so two out of three people think i'm in the wrong here am i the idiot not the idiot and big red flag that when he doesn't have a valid argument he calls you emotional and unreasonable i can understand not feeling it's his place but does he intend to put up half of whatever you move to or he just wants a place that he got to pick out together if he wants to put in half and buy part of your place it makes it both of yours or sell and both put equal amounts into a new place then worth discussing the dirty money argument it's ugly and also illogical very concerning he went there even if he does it just seems like he's already thinking ahead to the breakup he's making sure she can't just kick him out yep people don't seem to realize that there are plenty of conniving manipulative users out there who think five steps ahead wouldn't be surprised if he got her pregnant on purpose to try to trap her quick recap on my first post i spent several years working as a dancer at the end of which i was able to buy my own flat i've been with my boyfriend for about 18 months and i'm currently around three months pregnant with the news of the baby incoming my boyfriend said he wanted me to sell my place so we could use the money to get a new place together and when i refused he called me irrational i thought i was the idiot because of that plus my sister sided with him now for the update because a lot of people asked for one first off i dumped him he initially said that he doesn't want to be a parent if we're not a couple but earlier this week he told me he wants majority custody so not only does he not have to pay child support but if he gets majority then i end up paying him he actually said that was his reasoning he also runs his own startup and admitted the startup is basically done for and he was hoping when i sold my place i could also put a cash injection into his business with the money so basically this was all about money for him and i have extensive documentation of all of this there's going to be a legal case but i've gotten legal advice and it looks like i'll be able to get sole custody which is what i intend to go for in the last couple weeks my sister has doubled down and is trying to get me to fix things with my ex because a baby should have a complete family so i've not been involving her in my pregnancy which she's furious about she also told her parents which i am furious about so we're not speaking right now i also want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my first post when i first posted between my boyfriend and my sister i was genuinely convinced i was in the wrong so to have such an overwhelmingly supportive response really helped me realize that i shouldn't doubt myself so much and with that realization plus everything going on right now i've decided to go to therapy which i'll be starting next week all in all the outcome of this is probably going to be me being a single mother in the flat i own and honestly pretty decent outcome i have to call crap to the baby needs a complete family a kid can have a mom and dad and still have a dysfunctional family single parent two parents parents of the same gender it doesn't matter your ex sounds controlling and a leech all the reasons he wants to be together or be a father or more to his benefit good luck to you op and your baby it might be a long road ahead but you can do this you've made it this far good luck on getting custody sounds like he wants custody for the money not your child and i'm guessing you know that since you are going for soul custody good on you for dumping him he's a leech considering he is nothing but a failing business to his name op should be able to make quick work of him bonus points if he admitted in writing that he only wants custody to get out of child support my fiance 26 male and i 25 female are supposed to get married next spring but there's one thing that's keeping me from wanting to continue with the wedding until this is solved him and his ex had a baby when they were both 22 but broke up shortly after the baby was born we started dating a year later and are now engaged the child is now four he wants to stay close to his daughter but the baby's mother cannot afford rent in a place closer and would have had to move to either a one bedroom a bad neighborhood about 25 minutes away or a decent neighborhood about an hour away so my fiance made an arrangement that he'd help her pay her rent giving her two hundred dollars a month plus another hundred dollars for child care in exchange for not putting him on child support the hundred dollars i can understand but the helping with rent is really bothering me and i feel like if she can't afford rent then she needs to find another place to live i'd be willing to take in her daughter if she decides to get a one bedroom instead but my fiance got angry and said the decisions he makes about his child do not involve me his ex found out and said that if he stops helping with rent she's gonna have to go for child support and that she's helping us out because apparently she can get more from child support because of how much my fiance makes however i think this is just an empty threat i told my fiance i'm not marrying him unless he stops you are the idiot he's responsible for his child and is paying a shockingly low amount of support outside of the rent if you're not willing to support him in supporting his child move on and find a partner without children you are so wrong she's right she can get way more from her baby daddy 300 a month is nothing god you sound like you'd be an evil stepmother do you honestly you really think a hundred dollars is enough for the upkeep of a child i hope he takes your ultimatum and does not marry you hope he sees how much of a toxic ugly person you are you're obviously too selfish and immature to get married if that's how you're thinking my best friend kelly passed away two years ago we were both childhood friends she adopted her dog leo seven years ago and we became attached to him and he was the bond that made our friendship stronger when she passed away i took him in a few months after she passed and it felt like she was there every time he runs in or cuddles with me i recently moved in with my fiance he lives out of town and brought leo in with me i could sense that my fiance didn't feel comfortable with having leah live with us he sat with me and asked if we could offer him up for adoption since i've been busy with college and he was busy working i told him the story behind taking leo in and he sort of dropped it during the last couple of weeks i was visiting my parents and asked my fiance to take care of him while i was away he said okay i called every night to check in on leo and i could hear him bark in background but a few days later he stopped my fiance told me he was outside i came back and noticed leah was gone i waited till my fiance got back and he sat me down and explained that while he was out with leo a family approached him and asked him if he was putting him up for adoption and said they were willing to provide a home for him since their son who didn't let go of leo lost his dog who looked the same age as him he said he felt sorry for the kid and decided to give them leo i was in shock i lost it and yelled at him that it wasn't his place because leo was mine he lashed out saying i was hurting his feelings and overreacting i told him he needed to get him back he just gave me their number and told me to handle it i've had a hard time trying to get him back and i did eventually i packed up and moved back with my parents my fiance is calling and apologizing then saying he can no longer pay for rent on his own i didn't reply my family say i should forgive him and get over it but i just couldn't i feel heavy and unable to even talk to him anymore not the idiot that was not his dog not his decision and he had absolutely zero right he's not actually sorry he's just realizing how much it sucks to lose a partner and the stability that comes with a committed relationship that's his problem now you enjoy your pup and your life away from someone that inconsiderate and terrible your family is wrong i can't begin to emphasize how wrong they are this man is not worthy of your forgiveness he has shown that he is willing to hurt you he has shown that he does not respect you he has shown that he's willing to gaslight you this is not a person you should ever be near again it is a miracle that you got your sweet dog back and i'm so happy you did again your family is wrong if you want to internally forgive him for your own peace of mind that's one thing and by forgive i mean choose to let go of anger so that it doesn't eat you up that does not mean go back to him that does not mean tell him he's forgiven it simply means choosing to readjust your own mental state for your own comfort and if you choose not to forgive him and to instead remain ragingly angry for the rest of your life that is a perfectly valid choice do not listen to your family that is not a good man you are not wrong to make things clear i didn't marry my husband and willingly become a step parent to his daughter i married my husband when we were both 21 and we had our daughter when we were 25. two years later my husband began an affair with his terminally ill coworker note she wasn't terminally ill when they started the affair an affair that ended with her death we were separated and he moved in with her when she got pregnant in her second trimester she received her terminal diagnosis and was given a few months to live she made it through birth and passed away when her daughter was three months old i was brought up by a religious mother who didn't believe in divorce and inspired me to fight for our marriage so i did he moved back into our marital home with his daughter and i accepted her as his daughter religious brainwashing made me unable to make rational decisions our marriage improved i even got pregnant with a baby boy last year but later had a termination which i passed off as a loss yes i know this was horrible but with the termination came the realization that reconciliation was a big mistake and that at 34 i don't want to waste my last fertile years being in the wrong relationship so i started planning my exit and now we are legally separated i had have a pretty good relationship with his daughter who's little my daughter adores her little sister and i love their bond however i never intended to take on her mother's role when i reconciled with my husband i wasn't a disengaged figure in her life but no i didn't think of myself as her mother i cooked cleaned and looked after her when she was sick but never disciplined her myself she's close to her maternal grandparents his mistress's parents who've always thanked me for accepting her last night my husband and i were discussing visitation and he asked whether i had a room for his daughter in my new apartment i got confused and asked what he meant apparently he was under the assumption that i would also take his daughter during my time i clarified that my apartment did have an extra room but that room was meant for my boyfriend's daughter who's around my daughter's age and they're good friends although we don't have plans of moving in together anytime soon i want to have a room for his daughter because he also has a room for my daughter at his place i told him that i wasn't going to claim legal custody of his daughter he now thinks i'm breaking her heart because she thinks she will live with me part-time like her older sister and no she doesn't call me mom to her i'm my name am i the idiot edit making this edit because people have asked me to clarify this i'm open to have her over at my apartment for occasional visits and sleepovers with her sister i'm not comfortable taking on a co-parenting responsibility like my husband wants so no i don't want equal custody or any kind of legal responsibility i will be in contact with her i won't take on any kind of parental responsibility you are not the idiot but man that whole situation is rough you might try weaning down visits versus a clean break to make it an easier transition for her but ooh that's going to be tough either way good luck to you pretty sure that ship has sailed she has a new boyfriend with a kid who has a room at her place and in my experience kids that young do better with clean breaks drawing it out is super confusing and draws more attention to the issue everyone's wrong here him for cheating and settling the child's expectations without confirming the plan with you and you for taking him back without taking on a mother role with his daughter no matter what reasons you decided to work on your marriage you punished an innocent child for his transgressions and you're punishing her even more now you never should have gotten involved with him again if you weren't going to be her mother she was three months old and you thought you could have your husband without being a crucial figure in her life do you realize the kind of damage that does the best you can do to fix that wrong now is to take her when you take her daughter and start being more of a mother to her now if you'd never taken him back never fostered a bond between her and your own daughter you'd have no obligation to her but she's not a baby anymore you were present through her infancy and most formative years you don't get to back out now because you regret going back to your husband your absence now will do so much more harm than it would have done if you'd not taken him back some background info i 41 male have a disabled daughter molly with my ex-girlfriend sarah 37 this all started 12 years ago me and sarah were together for about four years and we were trying to have a baby after a couple of weeks of trying she got pregnant and we were super excited unfortunately in her fourth month the doctors told us that our baby is severely disabled and advised us to get a termination it was very hard on us we started arguing a lot because sarah wanted to keep the baby and i didn't i said i don't want to spend my whole life taking care of a child and throw away everything but sarah didn't want to kill the baby we argued about this every day eventually it became too much and we broke up we still kept in contact with each other as friends a couple months later she went into labor i came into the hospital with her to support her as the doctor said molly was born severely disabled they kept her in the hospital for a couple of weeks and then gave her to sarah she took her to her house and i visited them a couple of times within the next months i got a job offer and moved away to another city me and sarah are still in contact and i send them money every month but we meet each other very rarely about once in two years so molly is older now she's bound to a wheelchair and will never walk she has a mind of a three-year-old and can't speak sarah left everything to take care of her she's at home with her 24 7 because molly is unable to do anything on her own they get state contributions sarah can't go to work and i send them the money i have a wife now and two little daughters and we live about four hours drive away from sarah sarah called me last week saying that it's too much on her she said she does nothing else other than taking care of molly and she's tired she gave up on her career hobbies friends and everything she asked me to start taking care of molly as well she asked if i could have her in my care at least once a week every two months in the beginning and after i know how to take care of her then maybe more often i talked about it with my wife and we both agreed we don't want to take care of molly i apologize to sarah and instead i offered to pay for a professional to take care of her to pay some facility to take her in but sarah refused she doesn't want a stranger to take care of molly nor put her away in a facility i feel really bad for sarah but i have a responsibility to my two daughters and my wife now i talked about it with my parents and they understand and don't blame me but i feel like i might be the idiot not the idiot you offered to pay for a solution which is very generous i hate to say it but this is what she signed up for when she decided to continue the pregnancy as harsh as that sounds it is so true [Music] you

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Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit full story, reddit final update, reddit aita update, reddit aita updated, reddit infidelity update, reddit full story with final update

Id: vVMX8My2je0

Length: 20min 14sec (1214 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 07 2021