Everything Wrong With 47 Meters Down In 12 Minutes Or Less

forty seconds four five logos answers the question how many Studios does it take to make a woman attacked by sharks movie in 2017 it's good to see Matthew Modine finally reached the status where he gets the final acting credit complete with his character's name one day if he plays his cards right this will happen for Ansel Elgort several seconds of sunken sullen sunless sandy subterranean seawater terrible shark attack metaphor leaves delicious red alcohol sinking to the bottom of this pool yes she's seriously complaining about being bored and a goddamn luxury resort and that's the height of privilege and it's as easy to listen to as Quint raking his fingernails across the chalkboard I'm gonna go back to the roommates let's do it I'd given the Bob Stuart lisa says she's not responding by name but I'm sure Lisa will perk up for a call the sibling by that siblings relationship to the speaker cliche one good thing in my life I managed to don't be so hard on yourself you weren't that bad in a walk to remember my faults he got bored oh man I really thought those two crazy kids were gonna miss skip and then I thought if I came on this trip and I came away with you and I had fun that I should that I could be fun somehow you would come back what were you expecting Stuart to be out on a dinghy somewhere with binoculars watching you have fun cuz this bull yes sister let's go to the place where there is dancing and drinking and it's totally safe and they only allow attractive people to attend they play dank ass American faux dubstep my favorite place in Mexico don't you love it when you convince two hot sisters to come to the beach with you and all they want to do is dance together until morning and from the hot sister perspective you landed two hot dudes at a bar took a romantic stroll to the beach and this is your endgame I'm not saying anyone should expect sex here but no sex is lame yeah but it's pretty clearly morning here what's the opposite of premature celebration damn for someone who broke off a relationship Stuart is really quick to get back to the woman he doesn't love anymore also this Tex project it to large font on the screen trick is so overdone it's obviously reached the cliche zone also also this movie is basically the shallows right beautiful protagonist goes to tropical remote location to run from an issue at home gets into alcoholic shenanigans the night before a big excursion then gets attacked by a big ass shark same movie just thank you some photos it won't be of course Lisa will totally win Stuart back with shirk pictures they're probably pro tip if the dudes you're interested in sat on a beach all night sex free while you dance with your sister and came back for another date the following day they're very likely to show up for the shark-cage date dude the whole point of this exercise is to see sharks and they've been talking about it non-stop but this crudely drawn avatar on a piece of driftwood is gonna stop Lisa in her tracks I just heard horror stories about tourists going on these shady trips and Stuart even straight as well if Stuart is a prick all his ideas are probably terrible so unregulated Mexican shark cage dive here we come man you know what I'm getting that tattoo on my butthole too also Jesus Christ could there be any bigger red flags for this book I know they're in party mode and all but going on a potentially dangerous trip with strange men only works out in movies like Vicky Cristina Barcelona relax your life it's exactly like that film dirty dancing only if someone puts Baby in a corner in this scenario with a shark eater also I guess some people are this into sharks and stuff but Lisa's clearly not so could she not stay above board and watch out for Kate my point is that this is way overblown is something they have to do when they could have easily spent the $100 running a jet ski or glass-bottom boat or something this journey out to the dive spot is hilariously long man if you took out this stuff and the filler about Steve or Sam or whoever they broke up with tangled I'm pretty sure the actual movie would clock in at under an hour 47 meters frown god damn the sister is so annoying I'm no actively rooting for the Sharks and maybe that was the movies plan on all actual footage of Matthew Modine looking at the director for a line then getting rejected during this boring-ass sequence somehow made it into the final cut of the movie free shadowy oh my god hey this is what my college girlfriend used to tell me about my roommate you know only gonna be going down about five meters Matthew Modine and Mandy Moore meticulously map measures making submersible Miu more manageable I didn't bring camera Oh argument to get Lisa on board was extremely photo based sure it's good water at all but she had no idea you guys are gonna be so busy uh I did not know that great whites had a taste for Polaroid are you crazy I thought this movie already established that I thought this movie already established that roll credits it's slow slow shots like this that make you think the director was aiming for Kubrick but ended up with Manos the hands of fate yeah you really could say that you're trying to keep up above in your head instead of going under can you hear me winch and spare winch spear winch there's a goddamn spare went on a boat with a shirt cage on it why isn't that hooked up to it as a backup at all times whatever you do to the surface get another kid a apologist finds any reason to downplay Radiohead's earlier albums what did you mean when you said that your relationship is the only thing you're good jeez man who told you to conserve your oxygen right and if you do have to make conversation to kill time why not something light like cartoons or international diplomacy guys always teasing after you I could never compete with that well he posits a world in which many more can't land a guy even further what what do you think Stuart would say if he could see you know um mating engine setting aside the fact that they shouldn't be hearing anything down here from the surface now Elise is a [ __ ] expert and identifying nautical propulsion you mean to tell me this perfect killing machine had a target dead to rights in its own territory and missed this works and like immediately it's this ad bar I don't know what that means this movie isn't gonna set a record for sins or anything but its biggest sin is basically being boring but not giving Lisa and Kate much to do the shallows wasn't a great movie or anything but at least it gave Blake Lively some agency awesome what is it with these women in peril shark movies open water the shallows 47 meters down Bruno Bettelheim were alive today he definitely give us a freudian lowdown on what the subconscious meaning of these films are which I'm going to guess has something to do with frigidity the point is sex is natural sex is fun sex is best when it's one I don't think about it do not go straight up you'll die do you understand you'll want to go forever your girl or even the way that you love me and in a pinch opposites attract but by God if I see you going straight up your ass is grass sister I'm beginning to believe that the convenient rocks people find to hide from sharks are a natural wonder on par with the out of nowhere hill and people fall down when being chased by a killer in the woods dude where have you been this whole time did you not even try to radio them while you were down here maybe you wouldn't have gotten them right away but an occasional status report might have helped even in death Xavier remained creeper either they're saying the shark damaged his tank in which a visual confirmation would be super helpful or they're saying Javier came down here with basically no air in his tank which is some bull anyway hey Javier was never there but when he came he had nowhere said no one who's ever seen a movie ever there's over 30 minutes left man yeah that's exactly what happens when you're caged noticeably moves in an upward direction you don't need a gauge to tell you that you're moving up man I'm glad you're excited about that Lisa's going to lose all her air counting each blue meter as they go up she might as well say 47 meters of beer on the wall for maximum release fulness and annoyance Mandy Mandy in this case less is more what the hell is the use of having a backup winch if it's this [ __ ] puny not like it's carrying any more weight than the cage itself the girls are floating also look I'm not saying this can't happen the second winch breaks and puts them back where they started it's totally understandable that it does but this just feels like inevitable bull to me nothing in the movie makes this happen other than they're in Mexico and standards are low we will now explain that he didn't do this before because those tanks will increase the risk of nitrogen narcosis but it gives it he could have simply sent the tanks down earlier and attached a warning not to use them until they were definitely out of air and at least given them a bit of peace of mind about their oxygen situation also I'm gonna go ahead and say that captain Taylor's the most useless ship captain since that [ __ ] it's on the rum bottle I've notified the Coast Guard they're sending a team that's bullying I was in Full Metal Jacket who cares the whole reason you're out of the cage right now is to get extra oxygen tanks and yeah blah blah nitrogen narcosis let's not pretend you're almost out of air come it matters in this situation at all man wouldn't it be a fun movie like from this point on for 20 more minutes they're just chilling in a cage shark free and then they get picked up by Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher shark is basically a post-it note reminding us that there are sharks out there what a new patient dumbass shark was literally just swimming by and you've got plenty of air hang out for an extra minute or so they're even into your way to the cage God so frustrated by the stupid parts of this movie something a person was holding just before getting attacked by a shark gets its own cutaway as it falls to the ocean floor cliche seriously the subtitle of this movie should be many more screams and pants for 55 minutes actually that sounds like something people would want to see movie will give plenty of updates on Lisa's oxygen situation while she tries to grab this tank with the harpoon this is where going fool De Palma and using a split screen with the oxygen status would be nice complete with carries trapping everyone in the gym after the mean kids pour pig's blood on it so that the movie doesn't stall giving us needless updates and they're all going to laugh at you why does the gauge beep at 2 bar is it not dangerous enough at 3 but they don't want to wait for the very last minute this is apparently a hallucination and I gotta tell you if oxygen can make you trip balls this hard I'm immediately replacing my magic mushroom collection okay I get that this nitrogen narcosis can lead to hallucinations in its most severe form but this is a full-on goddamn fever dream delusion and the two are not the same oh and by the way the sins we shall see for the next eight minutes aren't real but we're going to cover them anyway god damnit does this movie think it's going to Life of Pi its way out of this I'm coming Katy are you telling me that the cage which crashed and pinned Lisa's leg underneath didn't shatter her leg into a million pieces let's not bother to figure out the direction where you can see the beam of my flashlight I'm just gonna swim around until I accidentally run into you somehow the sharks in this delusion weirdly have the same weaknesses as the monsters in pitch black we would do a bonus round of all the time people say stay in the cage I'm scared you're going to get the Pens my air is running out and I hate Schroder from peanuts but that's basically the whole movie god damn these people are the clumsiest [ __ ] I've seen in a movie since those bumbling astronauts who destroyed their space shuttle in Apollo 13 army of sharpness the badly hurt Kate who was in a pool of blood a minute ago and was losing consciousness manages to swim to the surface and let's not forget they didn't even get a chance to properly decompress and I can't stress this enough this is the most specific hallucination ever 4.7 centimeters down it's way too much trouble to start this boat and drive the 30 feet over to you so go ahead and take care of that yourself I'm gonna get a beer while I wait you guys want anything I know I've already spoiled that lease has been down here the whole time but it bears repeating that this it's all a dream cliche is a cheat man therefore the reveal gets its own set the last four minutes of this movie is man that sucked okay Todd you were hallucinating let's put this in slow motion as the Coast Guard rescues you and drag out how terrible it is I think my legs might be broken the wound is beginning to smell a little like almonds booms me won't they be down here I promise I will never die you have to go back it the which consolo we have a sound short from the buoy which

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 2,517,540

Keywords: cinema sins, down, movie sins, shark diving, everything wrong with 47 meters down, 47 meters down shark scene, film review, sharks, 47 meters down, cinemasins, mistakes, movie review, film, 47, shark, everything wrong with, deep sea, 47 meters down reaction, movie, cinemasins 47 meters down, 47 meters down movie, mandy moore, scuba diving, eww, sins, review, 47 meters down review, meters, wave jockey job, eww 47 meters down

Id: q2-SltghBGI

Length: 12min 6sec (726 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 13 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/ROBOT_B9]

I can't get enough of you guys sinning shark movies.

[u/KokoSabreScruffy]

I like shark movies but gosh, watching this video alone made me feel sleepy. I really wonder how often sharks appear in the movie and what is their kill rate.

[u/dumahim]

It seems it's impossible for me to not laugh wh SKIP!