Every Spa Ever

just go ahead and undress to your comfort level and I'll be back in a few minutes thank you undressed to my comfort level oh sorry do you need a few more minutes to get undressed no this is my comfort level I was also wondering if you could actually do the massage without ever touching me and also kind of face the wall the whole time also I'm very flatulent and getting constant donors every spa ever so are you getting ready for anything special actually you know I'm just kind of taking a relaxing day for myself oh that's so nice yeah you know I feel like it's so rare that we take a self-care day you know what stop worrying about our daily life stuff I hope Brian remembers to put sunblock on the kids before they go outside we can't deal with another sunburn if emma gets too much Sun she'll nap too long and she'll be a nightmare at bedtime then Oliver won't be able to sleep either and if they don't sleep Brian and I wanna sleep then we'll be on edge and we'll fight about pointless stuff all night then we'll get into force and the kick will be traumatized and either grow up to be serial killers or worse sketch comedians on the Internet oh I wish I could just relax like all these other women I bet my house is on fire the kids are doing drugs they're all gonna die the dog is totally peeing on the rug right now we're gonna have an old lady walk on your back for a minute and then the massage I hope you enjoyed your massage here's a cup of water that was amazing I feel like jello thank you of course I'll be waiting for you in the lobby while you get dressed would you like some hot rocks or some hot socks [Music] hello that's great huh I didn't mean to scream you just you startled me that's all right the steam rooms filled with wonderful surprises oh yeah like what mostly sweat and dehydration lucky get a little peek at some strange we're all out of ocean sounds but we do have LMFAO's greatest hits I mainly want them to be clean nothing fancy are you sure because long nails make you 35% sassier now they're gonna put the delivery notice on my door I'm going to expect the package to arrive two days from don't say it's at the delivery center I don't know where that is I'm not gonna drive my a man we're all going to the sizzler for lunch if you want to join us yeah we're talkin that sizzler I'd rather die [ __ ] pigs take mud baths too what you think you're better than a pig you dirty old Pig hi would you like to listen to any music or nature sounds during your massage Oh nature sounds would be great wonderful we have the sound of the polar ice caps melting sea turtles screeching in pain too distraught being launched in their noses waves of trash crashing into the California shoreline and of course the sound of sunrays heating up her atmosphere as politicians yell at scientists about our climate changes make do you have anything else birds chirping birds tripping sky in order to warn their friends that the home they live in their habitat the jungle is being bulldozed in order to make room for palm oil manufacturing just ways of trashing the California trash waves just relax while I karate chop your lower back you know I never really know or it'll look when I'm in here I I don't wanna be out person who's just staring at a bunch of naked ladies you know I think in the steam room and in life you should just follow your own path and look where you want to look regardless of what other people think of it you know your true intentions wow that is very profound and when in doubt sweetheart look into your own soul vagina it always comes me down mine looks like Delia do you want a couples massage you clingy son of a [ __ ] hi welcome hey I'm here for employment okay and do you have any preference between a male or female massage therapist uh you know put me down for a male you know I don't want any sexual tension in case she thinks I'm hot or something okay so you prefer males well I mean I don't want to do touch me like that actually uh put me down for a female okay so you need a softer touch are you sensitive to pain no I have a super strong back all right yeah you know just put me down from your strongest man you got I can take it okay so client is specifically requesting a big strong burly manly man you don't no no no god I don't know what you want from me I guess I just want to point out how dumb misogyny is yeah well I guess it worked okay so would you like a male or female massage therapist I don't know how's that intensity for you barely even feel it oh how about this oh that's the spice [Music] oh babe thank god you're home the boss came by to see why you left early I poop my pants and we're all out of milk you pooped your pants yeah I said in the middle so I thought you wouldn't notice but I guess he did so I'll just come out and say it I pooped my pants okay well just change your clothes man change my clothes why didn't I think of that thanks babe also kind of like thought you into the spa what a waste the $90 am i right hi I'd like you to just cut my body now imagine if you are saying those things to yourself as a little girl you would never say those mean things to her now why would you save them to yourself yeah you're right Greta I know this is weird but you really helped me a lot can I give you a hug of course damn it of course fricken Groupon it's cuz I was born with three buttholes there's an upcharge for that okay yeah I can make that work do I keep it you do Oh if you plants it it'll grow oh my god manna you're all the same you know I don't want to be that person who's just staring up the barrel of some butts I'm gonna try to crack your head but today I can't like a little egg no mine looks like Delaware I'm not very good at geography what state does your vagina look like I can see it with where I'm at already but I I want to guess how much feel but I feel that is a city it hit a home there's a small vagina it's a low one okay I [Music]

Channel: Smosh

Views: 5,132,547

Rating: 4.9139647 out of 5

Keywords: smosh, smosh pit, smosh games, funny, comedy, every blank ever, smosh every blank ever, every spa ever, smosh every spa ever, spa, manicure, pedicure, massage, sauna, steam room

Id: uqcqYifNSAA

Length: 8min 1sec (481 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 23 2019