♪ When I was born I didn't cry, I said ♪ ♪ Merch in the store. ♪ ♪ Me ex's wedding vows
were touching, mine were ♪ ♪ Merch in the store ♪ ♪ When I'm dying with
my children by my side ♪ ♪ Goodbye, I'll tell them that there's ♪ ♪ Merch in the store ♪ (tropical music) - It's like sandals,
but no bottoms to them. - Love that. - Um, I'll just get a three entree plate with half chow mein, half
fried rice, orange chicken, Beijing beef, and sweetfire chicken. - Wow, that is a lot of food. - Yeah, way too much
food for just one person. - Calorie wise, that's like 2000 calories. - It's gotta be terrible for
you to eat that much food. - Do you want to, maybe split it? - You want to think twice
before touching my meat plate! - You right. Okay, um sir, can I just
get what she's ordering but uh, double it. - Would you like to add wontons to that? - Don't ask, just do it! - [Narrator] Every Panda Express ever. - Can I sample orange chicken? - You've never tasted orange chicken? - Nope - Really? Literally the most famous dish at this restaurant. Arguably one of the most
famous dishes in the world. - No, never heard of it. How do you say it again? Orange chumpkin? - You literally just said it. - Said what? - Orange chicken! - Oh yeah, I've heard of that. Can I try it? - Fine. - The one at Chin Chin is way better. I don't think I'm going to get it. Can I try the lemon chicken? - It's like the orange
chicken but made with lemons. - Oh, what was the first thing you said? Verange chumpkin? I'll sample that. - Fine. - Mm, can I try the chou chow mihan? - [Narrator] Bring back
the Szechuan chicken. Bring back the Szechuan chicken. (upbeat music) - Hey, I'm uh watching my weight
and I can't have any sugar, what should I uh, what should I do? - You should leave! Get out now! - Everything has sugar in it? - Everything has sugar! - Can I at least get like
a water cup or something? - I don't know bro, the
cups are made of sugar! - Oh my God, fine, I'll leave. - Get out of here! Be careful
the doorknob is made of sugar! Get out of here! Save yourself! - (chokes) - Thanks for coming. I warned you man! - [Narrator] Chow mein is my main name. (upbeat music) - We just made a fresh batch
of orange chicken for you. Ready to eat! Enjoy! (upbeat music) - I tried to pick out some
pieces that still looked edible, here you go. (emotional music) You're gross for doing this and whatever happens
next is entirely on you. (eerie music) Good luck. (evil laugh) - [Bowl Of Food] Please cure me. - (evil laugh) - [Narrator] Hi, I would like a side of an entire extra meal please. Thank you. - Oh, that was so much food. - Yeah, we should
probably get back to work. - That should be no problem because that was a very wise lunch option. - Oh yeah. Feeling fine about
this choice on all levels. - We can do it Doug. - Oh, oh no too full! And gross! - Doug! - It's fine just go. - Doug! - Just (beep) leave me Carla. Just go! - Oh, I'm going to poop in my car. - Ah - Ah yes! You will make
a fine orange chicken. - Are you serious? - Yes. - Oh well, at least they can
say I died doing what I love. Being murdered in a Panda Express. - Come on. Off you go. - [Narrator] I love Panda Express cause it reheats really well in the microwave. - Fortune cookie time!
- Yeah. - Hey, do you guys feel like the people that write the fortune cookies have like ran out of ideas? Like they're not even
fortunes anymore, like look. Yeah, see look. You should call your mom. Like that's not a fortune
that's just advice. - Oh, let me see. You don't treat your girlfriend well. The hell, that's a lie. - Is it? Your dad's name is Dave. What the hell, how did they know that? That's so creepy! - The sea is wet. That was a good fortune. - Wow, that is good. - Is the sea wet? - I mean it's also filled
with salt which is very dry. - I always thought C was for cat. - [Narrator] You are
telling me a Kentucky fried this Kentucky fried panda. - I'll just get some broccoli beef. - Oh, this broccoli beef has actually been sitting out for a while, but we are working on a new batch now. If you don't mind waiting like 10 minutes. - Oh yeah, sure! 10 minutes isn't that long. (clock ticking) Only eight minutes left. I wish they would hurry up,
what if someone sees me here? I'd be so embarrassed,
this food here is so awful. Oh my God! Was this a mistake? Should I even be here? What am I saying, of
course I should be here. I'm a piece of garbage! God I can't do this. I'm sorry, I'm taking the beef! - Hey, you got to pay for that. - Oh, she will. She will. (evil laugh) - [Narrator] Hi, can I get
the 30 entree plate for one and chopsticks. - And then I'll get two
spring rolls please. - Sign this. - What's this? - That states that we assume
no legal responsibility if you burn your tongue on the spring roll cause it's boiling lava hot. More conversely you can't sue us if you shatter your teeth on the possibly and
probably frozen innards of said spring roll. - That seems like a lot. Why don't you guys just cook it properly and then temp it before serving? - (hysterically laughs) Oh my God! Dave! Say the thing again. - Why don't you just cook it properly and temp it before serving. - (laughs) Oh that's great. Hey boss,
come here you got to hear this! - What something funny happen? - Say the thing again. Do the thing again. - Um, uh, why don't you cook it properly and temp it before serving! - It's not funny when you try. - [Announcer] Panda Express,
it's not funny when you try. Located in every mall
right next to a Chipotle where you should have been. And the orange chicken is people! (beep) - Here put some ice on that. - (laughs) - [Narrator] Courtney! - I'm so sorry. (beep) - Do you want to maybe split it? - You better think twice
before you come across - Oh yeah. (beep) - Can I try another one? - No
- Why not? - Because you need to pay us money. - What's that?
- Money. Currency. - Never heard of it. - You've never heard of money. - Money, what's that? - You're going to need to
get out of this restaurant. - Ahh (laughs) The spear that killed Christ. (laughter) What the (beep). I came out
of quarantine for this (Beep). - The chu chow mian. - I need you to tell me
how you're getting that out of those letters. - How bout the (faintly speaking) The green flower. - Hey! You got to pay for that! - [Narrator] No Damien. (laughing) - It's called making a choice and you can pull me back from there. - [Narrator] I ruined the take because I was so shocked by the choice. (laughing) - It was. I felt in the
moment. I don't know about you. - Let's do the end card like this. Hey, hey guys. Wow. Look at us. Here we are, filming stuff together. If you want to watch
more videos we got them. I highly recommend. I highly recommend you watch
or subscribe if you haven't. We've got awesome stuff at Smosh.store Just incredible clothing, so check it out. Bye. Uh bye. - [Narrator] Perfect! - I'm sorry.
