Episode 45 - Geriatric Sith Lord ft. Post Malone

what's up guys welcome to TMZ podcasts this is actually last week's episode if you want today's episode that'll be on our patreon right now you can get it a week early if you contribute its patron comm slash tiny meet gang so thanks if you do that and if not enjoyed this one whose action what is up guys what is uh welcome to the [ __ ] most janky is podcast this is mine right I think so I think I think I had one we're doing this without headphones it really is but I I'm simulating it in my mind what it will sound like impulse and sounds really good we just simulate the sensation of headphones on your ears yeah you just wear them yeah so we're at the Four Seasons in Van Nuys it's really nice to have a really good you know they do a lot of porn down here I heard it's great it's really yeah Mac on this couch yeah right there on that one that's actually where everyone wonders what we're doing post Malone and it's shooting poor shooting porn tons of it so how are we how are you I'm fine yeah I'm pretty drunk are you yeah I just want to give that as a precursor yeah this boxes yeah I would like to give that [ __ ] PSA as well yeah I'm like um you only drink Bicentennial II every two years every 50 years can someone Google that please Jamie we don't have it Jamie Skyler Skyler Google that homie on mom's laptop for sure though thanks brother we're using two different interfaces we are it was like a effort to put on this podcast over it was but we made it yeah we're here where do we even start this is a janky one I mean and not really this is how all our episodes stay yes yeah now you know how we wanted to start with this the camera starts speeding and then we I just wanted you to be like like alright man's good to see you and you know for sure and then you just walk out afraid we wanted this clickbait yeah yeah like episode 50 whatever featuring post Malone nail 45 45 45 there we go alright man the very start the episode all right dude good to see you thank you bye what the [ __ ] man are you serious something is stuck with me don't say it like that no we're have we're happy to be here don't explain why we're here because everyone just doesn't know why we know each other mm-hmm we met on 4chan yeah we were looking at you know the video the pterodactyl porn you remember of course yeah of course favorite video and we met in the comments yeah exactly yeah and it's really hard to meet any belong for it because Cody and I well have a shared for Tanika it was crazy figuring out who post Malone is on our shared for janitor 4chan because like you don't know who they like you know by nature that's completely anonymous yeah so he was like on post Malone I wait really yeah DeeAnn me and there's no DMS on 4chan yes our social security numbers over Twitter [Music] yeah but then we confirmed Twitter yeah no it doesn't no [ __ ] you're [ __ ] you're fine of the origin story they keep going so then we confirm our socials over Twitter and that's how we arrived here no that's crazy this crisis history that's Lee no headphones is very weird it's weird right yeah it's very weird I'm just pretending there's a live audience out there and we can't bomb that's guys you want to do your set comedy set go ahead take it away yeah it's a good practice wait what was my joke earlier it's fine because you know it's like you get up on stage and everything just leaves your head you know it's nuts and nerves yeah what's going on guys it's done your pants is that part of the set though yeah no it is everybody's laughing already they already know that I'm down to earth there's some big [ __ ] know what's going on guys it's me what's up guys it's Austin so I'm a musician okay and I'm a writer so you know I have to write my own lyrics and stuff you know what I mean yeah so um I was sitting down writing and I thought about how everyone loves you look like entendre okay okay so um you know I took a piece of my aunts hair and I cloned her and I had then I had double entendre thank you thank you clapping all right everyone give it up for post Malone was it yes Malone yeah nice cool Knoll hi boy where do I start now is this getting kind of red in the cheeks maybe it's to focus right it's a bit of an audio joke you're doing comedy yeah yeah someone say I'd have to focus right you're performing at Fry's Electronics I feel like you have to be like an audio person to know what a focus right is so different research that honestly a lot of frame shitty uncle null tech pun here we go my wife left me for a guy named Hewlett guess you could say hewlett-packard hewlett-packard is what I meant to say I hated that Hewlett packed her honestly everyone in the room is Dumber for have heard that I tell you what the [ __ ] that went down last night yeah talking to those two old British oh yeah okay let's back it up let's back let's back it up yeah let's get focused for a seconds we've had a few let's focus right yeah focus right guys let's focus right that's the name of this episode oh that's right okay right okay all right that by the way that's the name of the audio interface which is in red audio interface it's not the [ __ ] Fry's Electronics comedy opened my eyes on my days so but now you get it now you get it so we've had two jokes a new wave this should not be crushing this hard focus right am i right that's the thing it should not be crushing his already in the back well you crushed it one laugh nice hard one so we have two events in the last 24 hours our funniest [ __ ] one you kind of missed and I wit I missed it too and I'm very upset I missed this so after we came back last night bar down stand there just out there these two guys at the bar one of them it's like his it's like he was bald but with hair at the same time it was really [ __ ] up like the way the light hit his head I could see I think he was born bald and then he eventually taped on other people's hair his head yeah like there were clear 1-inch separations between each of the leather face of hair yeah pretty much yeah so we walk up to the bar and he [ __ ] you're me it's like he sends two young people were there and he just goes are you American and we're like oh [ __ ] and he just turns all the way around no wasn't it wasn't wasn't no no no you were the closest I was behind Cody and when he did that I'm like yeah no not checked out he's like no no now I'm trapped in the conversation and he's like he's like where you from and I was like LA and he was like really what are you doing in one day I was like why you little little vacation like your notation you're not allowed to be London I'm like this is no weird thing it's like one of the places that you come what do you I get it if you were like in like Bosnia or something yeah yeah Bosnian patreon er is gonna be like there's nothing wrong with it's a great country all the time he's like why London I'm kinda like one what why not I mean why not why why don't you have here or some questions just don't need an answer yeah they're just natural so this is like asking me like just weird questions and the Duke with sytem same age probably little bit older gray hair wasted three house [ __ ] and it's like midnight he's sitting there like like all the places that you go in his nose just starts gushing blood I don't know where he's like oh it's like to dress in medicine oh my god and he takes it like a napkin he starts wiping it up and he wipes it up and then he just keeps talking like it never happened and there's still blood smeared all over his nose but he's like too drunk to realize it [ __ ] bloody ass nose are you talking to me man his dude is like so who you here with I don't really good he's like he's a famous he's a famous guy right and we're like yeah I mean yeah I guess he's like who is a rapper or what yeah man whatever what's his name I was like post him alone he said well post him alone he's like you know if I write that down I don't really mind I good to tell you to remember it you know pulls out his bag these rubbers out no I got paper in here somewhere I'm like dude you can just what the [ __ ] or what yeah piece paper yeah finally pulls out this giant like loose leaf notepad and then finds it pen and as you write down your name and he goes what's your name Cody you write that down to on the piss paper yo yeah meanwhile his friends sitting there blood smeared on his nose just like hobbling like this back and forth like this trying to you've got blood on it Alan have to write it again what is his name bloody nose is making like so many cocaine jokes so calling bloody nose I know what it's [ __ ] sprays cocaine bloody nose that's just mask it's just [ __ ] dry ass blood alone responding to streams like Darth Maul he's just in verse Darth Maul can just read down here the idea of Darth Maul oh boy stairs what's your name Anakin or something he's like nine you don't know no strength to differ lightsaber let me show you how to do the sting one time you can't live one lightsaber I've got two in it Darth Maul in this [ __ ] just very acrobatic no other [ __ ] dude in the Star Wars universe had that many Asian moves he was doing like triple vacuum like [ __ ] chimney everyone every other Sith Lord is old like orthopedic shoes they can't fight what you don't what you don't see under the robes he lifts up his rooms a little bit he's got a pair of shape yo son is this Ross that's honestly know that Darth Vader wasn't that wasn't the sound of Darth Vader breathing yeah that was the sound of his support shoes I don't know he got them a Reebok [ __ ] got the air maxes with the air pod in there falling over and [ __ ] having New Balances and pleated khakis [ __ ] little [ __ ] break this guy's a new Sith Lord cuz we [ __ ] like this no like yo is he Russian he's like he's like some type of Eurasian because he's like he's athletic but that [ __ ] is Asian this [ __ ] but he's like you know Russian but you know I'm saying buff yeah cuz a lot of gymnast come on auto show ruff ruff yeah you dance too Darth Maul just like kills 20 kids and then dabs killing kids man they don't care obi-wan Kenobi kill try to kill yeh tried to kill uh-oh yeah buddy somebody's on yeah yeah buddy songs on there yeah buddy son was the name of the Star Wars neighbors no yeah no he tried to kill Luke spoiler alert yeah because he is alright that all the time it doesn't matter ruin everything mostly everything by the way yeah speaking of which beyond ruin things opening things yeah one day we didn't ruin was love island yeah and while we're on that topic yeah we met what a segue that was an open mic seg right there but you know it's not ruined and one of my favorite things to chat about while we're on the topic of British TV shows was was was was was you even seen season come on one season the season 19 yet violin 19 you're like in the future man character I'm sorry easy can I be [ __ ] professional can I be [ __ ] professional my boys if I check the levels real quick he's the one ace the one that pride in order calls with a [ __ ] would never find the plugs proof amateur everything was own good brother so we we were and we can't when we were coming here Kelsey was like I hope to go you saying what you say hey guys I said I all I want to do when we're in London is meet someone from love Island that's all I want just not Big Ben not the London Eye who cares about that [ __ ] she wants to meet someone someone from love Island because we just finished watching the season 56 but these four episodes 54 hours guys 54 hours that's like that's a job that's a four seasons of a normal TV show yeah that's a full work week man that's like so wait seasons of 56 episodes yeah it's one season of 56 episodes but that's the equipment to a show being four seasons or something is still on one I'm like I'm so seeks see are you gonna do it yeah I'm gonna do five seasons five anything my publicist before I say whether or not want to consume that your seasons I'm not gonna guarantee your view of it let's just say it's like Naruto you might fall asleep but there's 10,000 episodes that's the [ __ ] that I someone was telling me about Naruto cuz I'm not I'm not a weeb yeah we've-- myself yeah so I was telling me about Annette and ask Garuda or whatever man asked her or something NASCAR we tell every episode of NASCAR yeah 5,000 seasons of NASCAR season 2 episode 46 Michaelson Bret mind around the track he's a sick [ __ ] did he's crazy did ya Bret Michaels have tried to pass another car it was crazy but he didn't you got tuned for the next episode to see if he gets him on the next lap no in a NASCAR it's [ __ ] insane well alright before we do the thing because I was about to bring up monster trucks and we're just gonna skip past meeting West ok let's talk about it yeah the one thing I want to do is meet someone from loved Island not hang out not see the Big Ben ya know cuz cuz there's someone on Long Island with a Big Ben he's buff he's buff any it was cute women Cody ok ok he's fit he's better than me for sure but all off he's gonna be big off I think we filled out in Tim you know your boy good Scaccia yeah a little bit so we're in suffrages Selfridge in Selfridges suffrages so we're in suffering so we're and we're in suffrage and go on he walks by yeah and Kelsey at this point was like as somewhere else yeah mine shoes and so she leaves she's like our host is also somewhere buying shoes at this point yes so for all of us yeah shiny suit Gucci tracksuits yeah yeah bags so we stand in their posters like oh goodness what the [ __ ] was that I do believe someone has just smashed it's a ghost in it I'm proper scared mate is this haunted it's haunted so oh we can get a new girl story you know stories hold on to that one so I'm standing there and I look up and Wes is kind of he's like just there just staring at us and I go she leaves first of all yeah so she's like I want to see some someone from globe Island and then she dips Yeah right when that happens yeah he walks on walks by and we're like no I was like what the [ __ ] that's Wes and I look up and he just kind of looks at me and I just go oh what the [ __ ] he like kind of makes a face I go it's the boy and he's the first thing he says he goes how the [ __ ] do you guys know about LaVon and he's blown away like we're clearly American and we go yo what the [ __ ] it's you that it we're talking about la Vineland with him and then post walks up and he's like Coco pixelmon do that and then your security guard runs up and he is not happy oh stop Beast I'm a violin or something [Laughter] he comes and he's like I told you you could get a picture on Friday at the show and you still come over here and you take a picture with him you're making my job difficult and posters going easy bro [Music] defer for a moment yeah yeah you're sitting outside smoking cigarettes or I was these guys don't smoke yeah straight edge straight as they were drinking these minutes water so teenies yeah Russian waters [Music] water shaken not stirred please and these two girls walk up and they're like oh my god oh my god and he's like my security guard gets on the no island [ __ ] Cody anything you guys posted our location Bravo you posted on he's English you posted oh really switch back from the [ __ ] American in it he's like you guys posted our location come on man you got a [ __ ] you gotta work with us here man we're trying to work you're making my job [Music] photos for me and I'm like okay yeah yeah I stand up and then she's like Cody no well Kelsey I love you guys so much and I'm just got shat on posts like so then we then they walk away and stab he's like I'm just I'm just kidding I'm just give me all the time I I'm just [ __ ] with you he was like that's my sense of humor and I was like scaring the [ __ ] out of me yeah after walked away he's like months on the TV he look so big and often muscular you're like wow this monster feet you see me [ __ ] like a little [ __ ] move to the sword real Mons is he and he like took off his head yeah totally I feel the same way I'm like a foot wow you're a lot bigger in real life say you're a lot more buff in real life dude Wow fill these pipes your pipe you let me [ __ ] with that pipe did I take all that pipe take it yeah [ __ ] gooseneck in it my boy gives the best goose enacted you know we've been referring to the homey giving neck you know I'm saying just like not not not because you know like it's not all reputation thing the dudes it's cuz like just because you're like like I haven't had an a long time you know yeah so your boy hooks it up yeah yeah yeah gives you that neck because you got yo yo son give me that real quick for sure bro hit me up after just damn bro you weren't kidding you got some dope neck dude you should hit a supreme hoodies like yeah for sure supreme neck yeah supreme hoodie and easy well you know Stryver giving on neck tonight yeah yeah we call him [ __ ] keg but like okay he was like the girls Trevor's is down to serve it's not gonna get his neck is like so inside it's like wet silk on the inside it's a Trevor was janko's Healy's you know the leather shirts that people used to wear with like that's some drip dude that [ __ ] we don't know wine stain shirt right now so I don't know I'm in the booth and this [ __ ] just some artist he throws wine on me and I'm like what is your name and he's like pulse Malone on my hole let me get a piece of paper I need exactly what's it what's down wrapper bleeding at this point yeah yeah I'm bleeding yeah [ __ ] blood nose walks in blood nose let's just cut you punch me in the face I'll stay right here you punch me in the face I think hard Frank just keep going like it's totally normal Cousy would you grab me that drink in it before we need drinking it so easy about four words I got I got the reset camera the camera is shut off so it restarted it makes it genuine I love it yeah so let's uh should we get get to the serious questions yeah all right what's like religion YouTube this morning it was like a TMZ video from you yesterday or the day before after the flight they came up to you and the guys like it's like post-flight pretty scary huh you're like yeah yeah I mean like yeah I'm just like happy and ready to party or something like that and he was like so like what do you like believe in a higher power or what's up and I was like holy [ __ ] what question so what's the good what's good with God yeah is it true is it true I heard you spilled wine on your boy do you believe in is God real hi channel 5 channel 5 post have you ever thought that do you how do you feel our string theory the fact that you could have died in another dimension what do you think about that thank you post sir post I have a line of calculus here just a quick problem you just brought my blackboard with me could you solve this equation pretty crazy flight huh what do you thing about genocide pose follow-up to that channel 7 TMZ do you Jones is right not dope cool you heard it here folks first folks first folks you're here you heard it I'm just not even yeah I think those patient manaman yeah yeah no I think the best thing to come out of the whole situation is the spread that said sorry haters sorry sorry you want to know why I was so surprised so like you get in that situation yeah and you think like okay so as soon as a tire popped on an airplane I was like okay let me put everybody in a group nice it's like yes family and everybody and say hey I love you thank thank you for being so good to me you know yeah and that's it because I don't want to worry people yeah just in case yeah but like but then you put everybody in the group message and then it's like wait what did you say what what did you say about before I started talking nothing no you said something I don't even remember I don't remember this was in question yeah what was the question oh god damn I don't even know no it was something you put everybody in a group message and then it'll come back I'm a boy you think best you think that's the Lord and stuff god no it was after that was remember [ __ ] do you think that that's gonna be worrisome to the people that you like like put everyone in the group text yesterday I love you that wasn't it though what I'm saying like that scenario it's like I don't know where these people well that's why I'm Aunt Jane with my boy Chris I love you guys all the same crew mess like yo this is no no not like that but like that's what I didn't want to say like this is an alternate-dimension thing I was like string theory almost dying maybe that was after a goddamn you thinking oh yeah I'm just I'm just gonna be Jamie in my own brain focus right okay so I have to do is focus right yeah focus right no so you're about to do this group text you don't want to worry people you know just kids like you make it not okay like I did and you seem like a real like a real [ __ ] wiener you wouldn't seem like a wiener you would sorry haters oh yeah yeah yeah sorry haters yeah it's so bad that none of us can remember that she's our producer Kelsey's our producer well I was so surprised at the amount of people you think like you have a scary experience and people are gonna be like oh my god like I hope you're okay oh yeah but then like right after I got off the flight I was like you know what maybe like maybe people do care so I got on Twitter and then everybody was like if there was any plane to be taken on the sky I'm glad it was possible on so I'm like goddamn yeah there's no like like bad guys honestly got post Malone inseparable that [ __ ] goes down dude not even that I don't like his music and I'm not we live in a free country so we're not forced to listen to his music cuz you know I do [ __ ] hate the [ __ ] guy so he should die a horrible place that's so [ __ ] man it's [ __ ] but you hurt my feelings that was like one tweet she was like now if you search post Malone die why would you search every day I'm just saying I get I bet you right now you'll get a ton of results you go yeah which post Malone would yeah put that in there just just regardless of the flight just everyday yeah yo man those walls got a die my [ __ ] now this music man when I hear on FM radio that is a level like you're at that level where people just be sitting there they want you to die I hope this [ __ ] just choke like dice now what do you think he's eating hopefully a business [ __ ] haters sorry give me the Heimlich give the Heimlich hard right there they're watching this they watch all your [ __ ] hoping you're gonna camera don't [ __ ] pornhub and just loot loop it for like four minutes what's the average can we talk about what the average jackoff time is 2 minutes max 2 minutes you don't have to impress anybody I'm lower than two minutes you don't have to impress anybody so you can just like I'm just saying start to finish like opening the browser searching what you want two minutes no max I have to wait for it to load Mike come on the nipples come on just kidding Cuddy doesn't watch no porn you know none other pixels get like almost to the bellybutton and you're like I can't wait for the [ __ ] alright let's just go we're talking like time to dick time tttd time to touch day I can't we can trip Silicon Valley what do you mean - wait I guess it's just - what D D - D - something what's your what you dick draw time yeah dick - something anyway by the time you touch you start touching your dick to finish what's that time 30 seconds yeah I could probably do it in 30 seconds yes every day honestly look easy let's do an exercise horn or is that just because tiny meat game maybe why is wire point hour long so you can jack off more than once it's like a nut you fall asleep you wake up in the middle some pterodactyl thing going on you're like first 30 seconds to the plot yeah for the for the main part and then we wake up when act 3 is vintage when she's at wiping the come off her face and that's when you bust for a second time some people yeah a student exercises real quick who is the quickest air to dick time código start like this yeah go to jack off position and you can put them like them okay all right set oh that's quick very fast good jack off so hard myself in the nuts okay set damn and he was gentle with it well that was Darth Maul that was Darth Maul [ __ ] right there like this you know what boys got the fastest goes you ready just [ __ ] just faster than [ __ ] lights i dark maul darth maul's dick as a double-sided dick like his lightsaber he's got a dick from the back it goes between his legs that's crazy it start it originates in the taint comes the front comes out the back and it's red like a dog's bone like skin color red red just strained red oli is he like at the stage where he's [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah he's horny really he's already a little dude is he neutered yeah yes yeah and you still gonna go yeah you trying to nut like often you got to think if someone cuts off your balls like that's not what you see what my little my dog no it's just my homie Ollie Ollie humps everything that moves it's great lamps carpet you know saying flat yeah [ __ ] books leather-bound books hard covers soft covers play bugs he [ __ ] everything she's slamming encyclopedias on his dick just [ __ ] flat round give me my tank and I just [ __ ] slam it on my dick you know what I like a bit some people are gonna click this episode thinking we're gonna have like some insightful podcast and they're gonna get to know more about post Malone and his thoughts in that airplane and we're talking about Darth all double-sided dog dick yeah Darth Maul's double-sided dog dick puzzle I hope he dies someone you think there's people to just sit around like like fantasizing about it someone must just fly some idiot somewhere who's like yelling post goes of course yes I wonder what their [ __ ] air to take time is because this is like super slow yeah extremely slow and they just [ __ ] stroke it to me time yeah sorry haters I didn't say that by the way let's get yeah what's up YouTube you thought I was gonna die sorry haters not today not today yeah yeah let's give context the [ __ ] and the spread on the newspaper was it was just you what's sitting on like a bench or some [ __ ] yeah as me sitting on the curb oh yeah dad to pick like just the most unflattering thing alright can we get him sitting on like trash or something did I look like [ __ ] no but I'm just saying that's okay no I think they tried to pick something like unflattering or like like you're down and out kind of thing I'm down and out because I almost whose is this can I drink this you want some yeah oh that smells like 30 bucks really yeah serious moral dilemma right now the Darth Maul skin with his dull sided dick pick he's just hidden buildings and Jesus coming out of it no it's the dog to dog there's any dog dick but Darth Maul's doggy dick so I'd paid 30,000 v bucks for that I could get that new skin some guy - epic is like her than your skin can we make it vaguely related to a dog day can he capitalize on this how close can we get to an actual dog's dick poor fella got the dopest take literally like packing my dog well you know one night was like she was like she's like he'll all these dick is kind of big and I was like oh wait look he knows and I got jealous a little bit yeah you girl wants to [ __ ] your dog yeah okay that moment that moment though my girl wants to [ __ ] my dog be lively like I'd be like first most random thing on your mind right now Mariah Carey damn turn lick those letters garden edges nice dude you're wacky you guys are wacky brother so random there are XD right there bro so random whenever you're trying to raw XD and she's just trying to LOL i'd be like wrong yo right like the word random is just like so random the word randoms random random it's awkward awkward awkward people like to say they when they're insecure about some [ __ ] let me just say that every time I'm not too quick just please buy it let me just squeeze by there bud oh man I'm so random quirky [ __ ] hell what time do we even wake up today Mike you know you're talking to the mike trust me bro this is what I do for a living the whole time yeah just all right yeah sick hog I just do that for the rest of the episode you know me and my brother got my hog running good for 10 years straight it's fast 1981 heritage special so it's bad the exhaust is fat bro my boys got the best I [ __ ] spews man spews flames we're just hitting the hella inside jokes like this was about this last 10 minutes is just not even dialogue that anyone could understand like I know we need to focus right yeah we do focus right let's focus right hey so I just you know stupid thoughts so I was thinking all right Drake suspended his car over the audience right for his [ __ ] tour I was thinking wait explain that yeah so there's a clip where Drake takes his laferrari you talk about in the last episode we did yeah and he hangs it from the ceiling Wow someone's sober podcast cool Wow oh you guys have a podcast episode so goddamn Drake got down for us and goddamn everything got him Drake man he hangs his car over the crowd this is laferrari flex I got this I was thinking so it's the craziest flex yeah I was thinking on earth we hang the Mazda and my Civic and we just run those over the crowd like just old-ass shitty car as we know I had a Mazda forever that was my [ __ ] my serebro guy mazda 3 la flama Blanca was the same la flama Blanca Hawaii I was black it was dark green sube dude it's a month mazda yeah don't [ __ ] yell at me again bro sorry it was a monster all right it was a month stuff it was a monster yeah monster there's a monster Mazda yeah for sure why me it was things with Beast Darren's HP there I say it HP ends I'm like what oh my god I mean horses per minute per minute horses for minute or a minute horses put some horses horses pay in it horses per minute dude that thing had like 80 horsepower yeah so we put that over the crowd right did you do it the power girl got girls got just mad you know you just horsepower shaming right now what's wrong with you at me horsepower shaming no I thought he had a Subaru and he lied in all of his videos I've never said I had a supervisor said I have a Subaru right in the comments below in the comments below are you from first of all come with that come on what city you're from and also comment if I've ever said I had a Subaru before I've been your how old you are what gender you are where you're located and also if Kody ever had a Subaru and your social security please and thank you first pet and also in the street that you were born on I love when youtubers ask for what city or from like they can't just look that [ __ ] up in their analytics like it tells you exactly what the [ __ ] all your [ __ ] subscribers are from I hate when people do that I Instagram models yeah comment where you can see the shadows coming what city you're from who you really are going through every single one of me oh my god Singapore not cut not City I know but like oh my god wow really interesting how we all my friends from Calgary no no comments back from the from the author of the Instagram post never know it's [ __ ] up man I got commented on a bunch of those yeah hoping that they comment back it's like it's just like I guess it's a psychology of like let me buy a drink where you from okay yeah like you know people doing bars now buy you drink oh all right men still have to drink from the straw you're banned for my channel now actually suck ass yeah I'm all about straw banning like see you know what's so crazy to me and I'm and I'm I'm not mad about it you know like um I'm down with like saving the earth yeah aquatic animals isn't like that's not you better be careful what you say next she's gonna [ __ ] by everything that being said vegans suck what I said ladies and gentlemen I did not say that so let's clarify no but what blows my mind is one second I'm sipping I love strong the next second I show up to a place and they say no we don't like straws it happened so quick nobody uses Starbucks by the way guys so we only [ __ ] with paper straws now yeah about that paper straw cuz I saw I was I saw a turtle choke on a straw in real life I did I was snorkeling how and I saw this [ __ ] he's so cute he's like this good little baby turtle swimming through the water whose baby yeah he's a baby he's a baby yeah and I there's a little straw and I saw me go like this he's just gawking the strong his life I reach my hand down this little baby turtles throat sea turtle mind you 100 years old probably baby yeah me that's a baby for sea turtles it lived to be 500 small little baby turtle right reach on this guy's throat and pull the straw out what are we even where are we even going with this right now so yeah right in the eye he said thank you in English perfect accent British accent he said thank you and I said you're welcome and after that I haven't drank a plastic straw yeah god bless you row yeah I mean now I get is what I'm saying I gave up like plastic straws to you yeah so so so you're down with saving the earth but yeah but I still like a strong yeah yeah yeah actually in my backpack I have two metal straws is this like two metal straw is just like super cold it feels great school it's way better than a plastic straw that could kill totally agree turtles and fish - yeah fish dolphins this is what all those tweets were about like that's what yeah about squid now [ __ ] that you can't ban my straws [ __ ] they're like you know there's all those tweets about like you can't take my guns or my straws American Way yeah well actually the Second Amendment says the right to bear arms and drink Starbucks will drink through plastics drink my iced macchiato coffee shop on the west side like trying to be hip they took the [ __ ] [ __ ] whatever articles I don't give a [ __ ] that's how can we like you know number one there's never too much thing as too much bacon too much thing there's never too much thing there's never too much thing but too much bacon just get a pic for the win on my pelvis and then this is bacon on my dick just get a bacon tattooed on your day I'm gonna get like a do not smoke sign a with straw got it dunno straws yeah how do we even get here no clue where are we talking about plain crackers those are nuts right wait genocide not cool not cool on record not cool war you your plane was just going for us or our back to the plane let's go get it to the plane dude this is how we do segways on this podcast Oh kind of jump between things so it was just it was just so you knew right as you took off this [ __ ] was blown yeah we felt that they were like Fabio fan inner core fan something's not right right is your captain speaking fam [ __ ] sorry I got this one you guys this is a cabin speaking put everyone in your phone in a group text and tell me one minute we've blown two wheels well it's like I don't know you don't want to be like you don't want to be like if if you if everything is fine like it is yeah you don't want to be a [ __ ] [ __ ] that like worries the [ __ ] out of your family for for in the hell of hours like I feel like most of those scenarios happen in like three minutes it's like something happened okay like you have three minutes to respond you're four hours yeah before no we were burning fuel as I'm saying but you had much time because if we we had 30,000 pounds of fuel we end up with like seven or eight because if you land it on all the [ __ ] weight of it it wouldn't have been so good yeah you know I mean or something cots catches fire or something and then you're [ __ ] you know I mean I just think like just being scared for that amount of time like it's a really weird scenario to be in to be like there's something wrong with this plane and you guys all know that so now we'll use how to fly for four hours not knowing whether or not and I never spoke to pilots the whole time that's my whole thing is I just [ __ ] sat there in focus didn't even have a ring and they come out now there's no way they could just walk around the cabin during that moment they don't they usually come out and like hey actually the Capitals play that game boy not even a new one IDs you here for tonight sounds in the back is easy [ __ ] laser thank you bye no skin whose streamer two six seven yeah bad news looks like the tire popped and god [ __ ] damnit dude I swear to God I shot him right in the head shawty them dams you kidding me anyways we're gonna great pilots I had the best pilots and I don't I don't think it would have been the same outcome if the pilots weren't who they were you know it's like they put so they they took off and the tire popped and they kept the landing gear down if we didn't if we put the landing gear up it may not have come down and that would have been a [ __ ] completely different story so we had the best pilots you know and it's [ __ ] amazing if that landing gear was up that would have been scary as [ __ ] Jesus oh that's [ __ ] amazing and the livestream of it I can't believe it oh yeah [ __ ] everywhere as everywhere is crazy the livestream like that the livestream just so we're gonna all the comments just 14 or okay Wow other than I suppose them alone or just bold people honestly if there's any plane in the sky that I hope falls down it's that [ __ ] and I was in there soon as you landed sorry haters not today that was [ __ ] matter today we're just standing there watching and I'm like oh god but when it landed I was like is that it and then it was like great yeah yeah but it feels smooth yeah so that's why I feel like I'm a like a bleeder oh no dude no way but in the air it feels my daddy different than when you are on the ground my dad sent me a picture of someone who took a picture of the the wheels isn't that crazy I mean I might not that might not even be your plane but well the plane you know we I just saw a picture tonight of the underside of the plane it was [ __ ] up really [ __ ] you couldn't really applauding what's [ __ ] up yeah because when I playing this [ __ ] I don't know pressure science just just saying words arrows the street forces and the physics and all that yeah bro and and you know like people that saw that they're like that wasn't a big deal you know I'm saying it's like but they're not in the [ __ ] plane yeah I passed out yeah I was like it's so nauseous like well they kept going up and down and [ __ ] ails you did pass out for like 30 minutes just because of that [ __ ] like so you were going down and up and yep I passed out for like 30 minutes bro talking to your mic yeah I wanted to feel your foot I wanted to feel what after after a fact or what your [ __ ] ass how I reset the camera post-its jewel I got real fortnight player hell yeah dude bro that was a [ __ ] fatty right what mango this meant it is militant it's mango I don't if I can line it stop it Cody's sniffing a jewel there's nose and I say that was epic I'm finding a [ __ ] lighter you guys talk amongst yourself go for it any housekeeping housekeeping I so doesn't feel like numerous colors out and now yeah yeah yeah new marsh colors so go cop one of those bad boys this is a train wreck huh is this a trainer no it was fun was it yes dude this is see the thing the thing with sitting down just the two of us is that it's it's very much like a no it's a trainer yeah when you sit down just two people it's like it's it's so much easier having a third person yeah cause like when the cue like two people in this group always has something to talk about yeah true if it's just two of you sometimes it can be like Mary well yeah good to see you bro yeah for sure good to see you anyways my flights here guys so yeah I got to take off housecleaning yeah we got to come you know no no to new merch colors are out something you still expected posters and [ __ ] and t-shirts they are on the way some of you are top tier patreon folks you need to respond to the DM where we ask for your address because we can't send you your free [ __ ] if you don't respond to that so do that can I ask you guys yeah how much off patreon do you guys make before taxes zillions it's really good before tax yeah and then the tax comes and you're like well I stacked tax brackets 98 percent yeah in the 98th percentile like well okay I don't think you guys need that much thanks Obama not a good good just kidding I'm just kidding I'm Canadian oh no [ __ ] all day yeah you got to use random like oh wow throughout additional mango thanks home Amma just switch it up Aquaman random keep going with your plugins yeah no it's fine that's fine oh [ __ ] zanny ask us a question let's name the question how do you guys be so wacky and zany all the time and random these ideas Annie I think you guys are wacky Z random and tandem Oh are you it could be the name of your guys group tandem hell yeah they know that that's great Randa now to the stage random tandem you guys [ __ ] bit is Beeks children children what here yo nasally totally random ah kids human children drink just just kids oh we're almost wrapped up here this is going on way too long for you I'm just kidding he's just roasted it just I just [ __ ] roasted everything you've ever said it's going on way too long dude - so close you're performing tomorrow yes oh dude are you nervous just those is a light moan right there hey we always get in trouble for making porn noises on the podcast what do you go for cuz we just because we'll just be like man it's so crazy I just people listen to the podcasts out loud yeah and so they get like we think it's so [ __ ] funny but the amount of hate yeah elements we get from that in five minutes of just porn noises we should actually just use the porn that we joked about shooting right now starts on patreon only if you want to see the porn you gotta click on over to patreon also shirts your toys shirts yeah yeah yeah sure it's two colorways also the porn is used to enjoy the people that doxy [Music] yikes man you're playing video games the next thing Jake Paul's at your front door how crazy how crazy was that [ __ ] yes it was cray was it cray was it random Oh [ __ ] zany was it ran Ram me Jake you are so random dude I show up at my front door like this you're crazy I love you but Jake you're crazy quoting old school a movie I think half of you have never seen go check that out yes dude you got a [ __ ] door you [ __ ] cruise oh you know we were doing earlier what was it oh yeah nerdy impatient dirty what no give me the controller now stop being a [ __ ] why are you being so impatient Batman you know show her this is seriously pissing me off I'm the Joker I'm the Joker baby baby seriously seriously Harvey knock it off I mean I'm sick and tired of stupid coin flip you [ __ ] job Ian let me get the job done separately skyrim got on you [ __ ] honey freakin armor said you're stopping me from playing with the frickin arm ourselves killed by no skin I got level 80 [ __ ] smithing skills and I can't even craft a trachoma Oh English that's alright blend it into one as my bodyguard and put together yeah Oh what happened he's my bodyguard yo Batman's like [ __ ] bodyguard hey [ __ ] step to me bro I promise you he'll let you get a Batarang too hard hoard hoard you better ain't Horde like World of Warcraft you get [ __ ] did you play World of Warcraft yeah did you really yeah I was a [ __ ] blood elf hunter bro the man [ __ ] with computers alright bro I could code but I don't want to embarrass you you can code yeah really give us a give us a JavaScript method right now f7 that's tight I love that method f7 like appeared wow that is the [ __ ] f7 that is the nerdiest thing you've said in a minute oh really oh oh really give us a JavaScript message the [ __ ] intern yeah tell me a little more extend that make that write some recursion right now yeah alright she's just saying are you guys [ __ ] code shaming me live on the internet cuz this is live yeah this is city you're from and what's your favorite programming language let us holler to favor color Social Security number wait on stream you said you were [ __ ] around trying to fit in with a group of like young kids what you you're saying like on stream you're like playing for tonight and you were like you're like what's your favorite color so like we joined this random game we were streaming and it was like you squat up on on for night with random people 90% chance they're like 13 never happened on pub G why cuz they're like older more mature maturing they have to me like fret you have to be friends yeah you have to be nice and able-bodied well anyway so we squad up with these random people and they start talking they're like damn 13 and so I'm like okay so I start doing this sound like how can I how can I like try to be friends with these people I want to like get them on my good side what a pedophile says what he's trying to no it wasn't like that it was like a funny it was a character it was like it was like I wasn't nervous I was just trying to figure out a cool as a character I was five minutes in this train experiment have you ever put on a condom before oh please what something else you like the munchies oh wow Wow there it is thank you guys we'll see you next week with two episodes if you're a patreon subscriber otherwise you'll just get this one when we're making those two extras so let's love you guys love y'all bye thank you oh yeah what you can follow post Malone YouTube OC I just want to make sure you guys subscribe like and follow me on all social media platforms Cody drop this jewel if you want to help him find this jewel make sure you hit that [ __ ] like button I'd like you to subscribe yeah make sure to subscribe to post Malone it's at supreme patty he's gotta go I gotta go alright thank you guys so much

Channel: Tiny Meat Gang

Views: 1,461,100

Rating: 4.9763675 out of 5

Keywords: comedy, satire, tmg, thats cringe, cody ko, noel miller

Id: AyU4K-NUrtk

Length: 71min 50sec (4310 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 31 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/sophiacamarda]

as a fan of noel and cody as well... this is an iconic pairing

[u/CynPim_Bullet]

Was that Ashlen?! Tell us

[u/OnexFifteen]

The legend uses 4chan