Episode 49 - "Mom, I mean - Babe!"

what's up guys welcome to TMZ podcasts this is actually last week's episode if you want today's episode that'll be on our patreon right now you can get it a week early if you contribute its patron calm tiny meet gang so thanks if you do that and if not enjoyed this one who's you a tube is your boys the tiny meat gang here we like for tonight we like for tonight we like for tonight we like for tonight I mean like for tonight we'd like for tonight we'd like for tonight videoman anyone doesn't know we're talking about it's like a kindergarten class or some [ __ ] like a first grade class all the kids are sitting down just like whatever not doing [ __ ] and then teacher goes who likes fortnight then all the little boys you know club and just start doing all the dances our had erupted it's like they explode in unison we like for tonight we like fortnight we do how how do five year old to play for night what do they do it's hard for me well it's easier for them how I mean they get it you think they go in there and they can like like hold their own against Daquan and [ __ ] like that yeah no [ __ ] way dude yes what do these have like it's like learning language when you're young yeah they have the motor skills now like it's just yeah built into them you saw it you saw Aaden play it packs okay so he he was like 13 maybe wrecking [ __ ] so you think any of these little five-year-olds in that video I mean they were okay there yeah maybe not a blazer me no okay maybe that maybe not them okay hands one of them probably but that's the only way you have fun in the game yeah is if you're good they're probably decent that's crazy and if I plan on like switch switch to yeah so it's so yeah yeah they're not they're not allowed to play on the big boy computer yeah yeah they're enough fair not allowed to play computer games like grown men mm-hmm yeah like us grown men with responsibilities blowing them off to put dude like yesterday was the first time I played for night in in probably two months oh man and still I just got sucked right back into it yeah I got sucked back in we're like one more game one more game I got added one more game yeah burned a whole hour on that [ __ ] at least [ __ ] that I had a caption for that video but everyone got mad at me over yeah well be like fortnight oh yeah what was it I was like when your wife is about to leave to hang out with her boyfriend yeah and like you're just sitting on the couch I got to you yeah who likes porn I like for tonight I like for tonight I like for tonight okay no no there's nobody in the room it's after she leaves she's like I'm just going to the gym and you're like was 11 p.m. and she's like I know it's like a night session you're like okay fine bye honey love you bye door closes oh I just imagine her pulling a Nintendo switch like out of a drawer yeah like when her boyfriend comes over all right honey who's this flossing [ __ ] boyfriends like are you pretty good at that man's like I know I know I just I love the game I love it I love it gives me the switch yeah who are you that's a pretty cool skin you got there no right I know 1,200 V bucks but thank you thank you as like 35 year-old man super excited my boyfriend's like how old is he already 33 yeah oh my god man I saw some tweet about like there's a while ago some girls like if your boyfriend's older than 23 and still gets excited about video games get you a new menos okay [ __ ] that [ __ ] you miserable [ __ ] you you can still you can get excited about video games and still get excited about [ __ ] that matter yeah you can be a grown man like video games yeah you can't you can you can yeah you can you can be a grown man just yeah being a twitch streamer this is just for our own sake who are we convincing here yeah ourselves can you can it's totally cool that tweet sucks yeah and that's a miserable woman and you and you can alright it's totally normal goddamn it dude oh I love Corey hey honey it's time for dinner please put it away no I know yeah I'm in the middle of the game now just turn it off just save Kate save mom I mean babe babe [ __ ] honey I can't let's try it I've been trying to troll on stream my all just queue up on fortnight and let's try being different people I was doing like students like [ __ ] talking mark Wiens it was pretty fun oh hey look at that you just got your little boy cheese clap hello everyone it is mark Wiens here this is a fat laser back to the lobby for you sir you are terrible at this game I like it I don't like it that's good that's good I want to do it or just like I was doing like a cocky dad mm-hmm it's like trying to sound like you're 45 like fortnight your lingo sucks but you're really good oh that is a cruel wife right there whole crew gone I love that just a little bit off like it's almost there that's the funniest [ __ ] in the world to me that's where the whole foreign guy [ __ ] came from what do you mean I mean like when I said what I used to do this character on snapchat like Pancho's tacos since you like that yeah it's from the from Family Guy when the foreign dudes like oh man last night man we man today I woke up man so hangover dude last night I said 23 litres of beer that's like litres of beer grew white Wow Wow got him squad ghosted jeez Louise Oh somebody says they're good I think Johnny's telling fibs Johnny's telling to stop telling fibs Johnny no more fib telling huh Johnny telling lies I don't know the [ __ ] meme like a 3d cartoon I have no idea what you're talking about oh wow you really are a dad right yeah I've not seen that I have not seen that yet the Johnny telling fibs let's let's go one more about that one Johnny telling fibs all right what do you mean brother using Daquan said but just yo hit the wall so we're I was you know trying to troll some dudes and they weren't going for it because they were Spanish so like they didn't fully understand what the [ __ ] we were like they just thought it was my voice okay anyway their English was decent I wasn't great but of the little English they knew they were just impersonating Daquan they kept quoting Daquan it was crazy really yeah like Oh what do you mean brother like just like that's more Swedish klm right there I'm trying to think of like how they say you mean brother what do you mean brother good evening everyone give me your head boy now it is crazy their phone Daquan give me that booty thank you for playing fortnight's with me like a man what do you mean brother and I can't I can't hear this I just got through practice Swedish yeah they kept calling Daquan like what do you mean brother they just kept saying that what do you mean brother that's crazy yeah he's his reach anyway we've reached our four night quota now for the next we can't talk about it again for the next two months no it's fine we you know what about uh I mean if we just make it [ __ ] night I'm saying we just if we make it [ __ ] night then it's fine mm-hmm you know gotcha as long as it's making fun of liking for tonight man-child's yeah man but it is okay to like video games and be and be excited about them when you're older than 21 yeah you see these okay Clif ninja freaking out about the changes to fortnight know him and his boy just screaming their head off some dude quotes we did it like just imagine just being 27 and this excited okay yes that that idea that one I agree with that I agree with that [ __ ] his story that is so ninja social media is the weirdest if you want a good laugh man just go to ninjas Instagram it's bizarre yes so bizarre it's like it's like Instagram is paying him to post yeah and he doesn't want you and he it's okay kind of like trying to get into it because he's being paid so he's like I mean I might as well embrace this to see what it's all about see what this Instagram thing's all about and so he'll just post like like he'll [ __ ] up stories and the hydrophone you mayor's doesn't and they're still there and it's always like he's like he'll have posts on his page just of like 2/3 of his monitor with new skin and you're like what it's like new skin they legitimately look like posts you made like when you first got a blackberry yeah and you can figure out you could upload to like Facebook yeah you just start taking pictures of random [ __ ] they all look like half of them look like test posts they got like the old Instagram frames I'm gonna Instagram 1.3 yeah his his Instagram story is always the same what's up everyone uber eats for nine new skins swipe up what up I guess why wait up wait up I just just say you guys that dude needs to stop doing at all I mean he claims he's not on it but I don't know man I don't know he's just he's just I look I loved his his like old user name used to be ninjas hyper oh really yeah okay which is kind of funny because I love when people like say they're being hyper is cool do you know I was just so hyper right now yeah you know saying so randomly hyper I was gonna get into the beef beef [ __ ] the people yeah yeah yeah live for the day swipe up that man look at his face he look now he looks that he looks like he just literally got done eating some ass I don't know like his face looks worn out man well his nose so red specifically the tip of his nose it kind of looks like he just stood right in front of a jet engine or something and like just blew his face yeah alright let's let's get into the what I think that people want to hear yeah what do they want to hear our thoughts on Russell Peters new comedy special about or no no no okay okay we'll stop running around so Russell Brand's new comedy special just who are the famous Russ's that's it I think you just Russell Russell Peter do ya okay we'll talk about Russ first Adam 22 yeah and the whole I mean a lot of the same points have been made already I don't know what you could really say other than it's corny it's just funny yeah it's just funny like the whole they would describe the situation so Russ got on last episode we're talking about Russ getting on power 105 and yeah Breakfast Club bragging about like you know that you know what time it is they know what time it is we got footage this and that better that it uh and basically he paid some dudes to jump smoke / and they they hit him pretty good they [ __ ] him up and then he he blows it Adam pretty much calls him out on Twitter mm-hmm and is like you hired three people to come [ __ ] me up and I guess like they sucker-punched him and they just ran away yeah which is even funnier mm-hmm I wonder if they pulled up and they're like oh he's a lot bigger than we thought he just punched him and took off running like and they called Russ like yeah we did it and he was getting his nails done - was [ __ ] anyway I'm fine I mean hey I get [ __ ] manicures all the time I'm saying it's like it's a bizarre like like it's a very vulnerable place to be like I just got out of a manicure yeah and that's when you get run up oh yeah I know you got your hands just got clean now you gotta throw him and get him dirty would have been really funny if like Russell's goons ran up and then Adam just like knocked all three of them out then he walked back in he's just like got another one yeah or if he just like held up his fingernails is that kill stop oh damn I didn't wash my bad only we got a rise you digest got him done we could reschedule the page yeah I know how go what is that is that uh is that gloss finish yeah bro it's nice isn't I don't want to [ __ ] that up for you though we'll come back next week come back next week gel manicure yeah it's [ __ ] Adam people like calls him out on Twitter yeah and then Russ just they had like a back and forth back and forth for like an hour spirited back and forth that's pretty great I'm pretty [ __ ] great to read that it was great to read how much of an idiot Russ is yeah and then he goes bosses don't get their hands dirty bosses don't get it nah man you 5/5 yeah that's it yeah it's not the bosses don't get their hands dirty you can't fight anyone that's not in high school yeah yeah it's like me and Cody yeah anyone five eight and under actually that's not true I'm not picking no fights with anyone yeah yeah I've never fought and there's a good reason it's not because I'm a boss I don't get my hands dirty that's cuz it's partly because of that happen but it's also partly because I couldn't do it physically I mean I would just get my ass handed to me I love Rises like the classic like low man in the squad is my thing in high school I always got [ __ ] with because I was the smallest one huh so I learned pretty quick like not to open my mouth all the time I used to talk a lot of [ __ ] and then like when someone the other got done fighting or just got their ass whooped but they're still bigger than me like [ __ ] you talking about a little man in my house but I was just you you putting a good try man that was a good pop all please please please please [ __ ] him up please please welcome home again please please I'm gonna I'm gonna yeah so almost that's great what happened I almost got jumped by these eight Mexican dudes yeah I think I told the story before yeah cuz two of them got their asses beat by two of my friends yeah they just had it with losing yeah they were like all right we can't go three now all right we're gonna get all eight of us go for the small they're gonna get he had the bus stop alone dummy we're gonna get him right now and they still didn't do anything almost guys they all pulled up and you're like I'm gonna I got that almost got ganked homie like get out of your guy's hair and they're like oh yeah for sure yeah for sure yeah no problem yeah I'm just gonna help it my fingers I look Thank You Man come on guys come on oh sorry me give me one reason why we shouldn't [ __ ] you up right now I got some some homework some mother should I gotta so I'm gonna oh oh yeah for sure yeah cool bro no no not even given a reason I kind of uh I listen I would love to got some but I got some awesome [ __ ] you know how it is right it's like it got some stuff oh yeah yeah no oh yeah yeah actually probably got some stuff you next time for sure alright next time you know the economy that got me was like rust is everything by himself but fight yeah that was it's like I just I hate I hate that he is selling like he's hitting streaming numbers getting paid off Spotify just to hire people to beat other people up that think he's wack that's so lame I now that is the a direct contradiction of all his like when M haters like when they talk about you I love it I love it you know you don't yeah it's under your skin you [ __ ] stop lying yeah I'm not lying you're not I just love the fact that he actually responded because at that point you lost yeah yeah like the hour long back and forth on Twitter it's like it's like you lost yeah well yeah they got to a point where you were like ass it off and it's like okay yeah so all that [ __ ] you were saying is not true and like don't ever cut don't ever I never ever want to hear rust get on a record talking about I love these haters no they drive you crazy they drive you so crazy that you got to hire people to beat them up it's funny because it's like all he hasn't talked about yeah like his songs are just all they're all about that or it's like a like it was like that and like women yeah we're the - yeah things I wasn't like the first five space on the house the RUS guys who can't fight and girls in high school 18 year old girls I know that was a funniest part he was saying Adams only fans are little boys and it's like hmm yeah but yours are little girls yeah now what are you it's only ever like girls like hopeless romantic in like Old English yeah and their profile yeah that like Russ yeah those are all the ones - you're like I don't get all the rust hate I know their whole profiles Russell what's misunderstood and do whoo-hoo think think doing their homework is being on their ground does arrest Vance yeah I'm on my grind homie hitting the gym hitting the gym yeah I'm on my grind getting that good Fitness in you know hitting the gym once a day grind grinding dude Ryan damn breaking grinding now you know what grinding in the gym is [ __ ] 680 put it doing yep being a net [ __ ] 8 hours a day that's grinding Mark Wahlberg [ __ ] yeah three days that's grinding you know why it's not grinding going to the gym because it's not stressful it's not it's before the gym for an hour a day you know exactly what you're gonna do there's no stress involves no deadlines nothing I just do it yeah it's probably it's a routine it's probably the most actually it's one of the most relaxing things I think you can do it's like it's very planned out you get out you look in the mirror you're like wow I feel very accomplished I'm gonna eat a lot of food now and not feel bad about it it's like it's like brushing your teeth you know stain on my [ __ ] teeth drunken grind my [ __ ] grin be I'm saying every morning I get up every morning every morning you'll peep game every morning [ __ ] look I get the toothpaste right on a toothbrush bang 7:00 a.m. I'm in it after lunch boom hit it again after dinner bang right before sleep and sometimes I even double brush before I go to bed once after dinner once after dessert you know I'm saying make yourself better do better all right y'all some [ __ ] losers out here I see all of you people complaining on Twitter's by having yellow teeth cavities no fillings on this [ __ ] you just don't want it you just don't want it as bad as I do you just don't want it I want white teeth that's why I got veneers I just I need it to come out that Russ's music is only poppin because he got major label support on his [ __ ] vanilla ass records yeah okay he makes rap for the general public and that's why he's big mm-hmm okay mm-hmm every rapper that's coming up it's harder for them because they have a weird style they have some weird niche that they come from there doing some [ __ ] like [ __ ] a shoreline mafia yeah Troy mafia is very [ __ ] dope they're from LA but I guarantee play shoreline mahi over some people and they just don't get it but you know what everybody gets what they want what they want what they were all [ __ ] academic ass melody on the court I'm sorry I'm going off here I'm just hey don't make you say it but that's the tesis it kind of it is dude it is I don't like baking truth I don't [ __ ] like when he's sitting there someone like tweeted at me or up probably us as well but like him with his McLaren his big house you say how does this make you feel I'm like I don't feel anything yeah now I feel pretty much the same I feel nothing I don't [ __ ] care I don't feel anything ever ever I'm numb yeah it's actually kind of truth a regular basis you think Russell the McLaren makes me feel bad yeah but who loves fortnight I love fortnight makes me feel something I love fortnight I love fortnight I love fortnight this is being completely closed off to everything else in your life for days the only thing that gives you any turns you back to a child I don't know man if this one I just feel like I'm ranting but like I don't [ __ ] him bro yeah no [ __ ] him I like I don't even this is problem now cuz now we're gonna get beat up probably damn what I want to get beat up dude give me that cloud son I will milk the [ __ ] out of that that would be his biggest mistake I'll make him regret ever hiring someone to [ __ ] me up I'll make him regret it somehow I was I'm just gonna make him feel super bad about it yeah yeah how would you just gonna be a sad boy afterwards you know why can't just go on podcast and just never be the same people like you man you really [ __ ] this dude up you [ __ ] you [ __ ] you dude yeah pick this guy up because he used to be a happy-go-lucky dude I'm now he's just a sad boy I'm a creep him out mm-hmm i'ma get I'm gonna do interviews and be like yo you'll Russ we he loves me dog good think about he loves me dog why would he hire someone he's trying to get like some fuzzy [ __ ] he's trying to get closer to me dog but he know he knows he knows like if we get in the same room it's too much for the world so does he got to do he's got a sin in between son I'm saying I always feel like the best the best like revenge on something like that would be like like not like cyber hacking but like cyber not like entering the mainframe or something but like like a data breach but like no I'm just talking like like you could you could really [ __ ] with someone mentally like someone that you really didn't like right okay there's tons of what you could hire you could hire people to do like like weird phone calls oh yeah cryptic phone calls yeah they can think like he's losing his [ __ ] yeah I'm saying yeah that's true yeah like like you could hack in potentially on on you know oh I mean look at [ __ ] GP Greg Paul yeah well I mean like yeah I don't mean like straight iCloud hacking yeah I mean like you know just like a little like Trojan horse or something you know yeah like some yeah just uh just so you know just a soft little key logger yeah you know subtle yeah some subtle some small yeah just a little you know yeah but you know what I mean though kind of like I feel like there's other ways you can [ __ ] with people yeah for sure I think you could uh okay so I guess you could put it here's one way you could do it cuz you know like paparazzi they love like you know they love like getting pictures of people yeah and they'll all the drama you know you know would be really easy but you go like TMZ uh-huh you're like eh I got like um I got a [ __ ] like a like a bounty for like pictures with Russ or like or something like that like you know I'm saying like you put it out there like for like paparazzi photographers I'm like yo if you run up to Russ if you get rust anywhere and you just film him and you're saying like this phrase I'm gonna give you X amount it would cost you but you could [ __ ] with someone that way like just like some foot dude I see people doing paparazzi tips like $200 yeah so yeah 300 bucks run out to Russ I mean I couldn't you just hire like a prep this is so [ __ ] up that what am i doing down this is doing what are we doing what are we doing right here but err just for the sake of argument could you hire a private investigator just pull him around all the time I mean you could and just get like damning pictures and [ __ ] like that yo welcome how how to creep on your ex creep on your ex this is fun do any other [ __ ] I'm just saying yeah what that was so weird that we just said any of that we have to cut all that out that was so [ __ ] strange it's not strange there's you know I'm saying you can fight you can hire someone to fight someone yeah that's that's [ __ ] them up physically Yeah right actually that's that's just as weird so that's exactly it is weird yeah he's [ __ ] Jesse's right just trying to think of some funny like if you just pay paparazzi dudes and run up on Russell just like records or iPhone to be like so Russell who's your favorite silly boy rather Noel I'm just tormenting him with like one phrase and he has no idea where it comes from so how long till you in a well-played tummy sticks huh how long how long Russ how long hey Russ hey Russ hey Russ TMZ here how much do you look for tonight how much they look for tonight hey Russ it's a star here star pop stars have one how much do you love for night how much do you love for night where'd you love for if you love for now how much you love for night look where's this coming from never played it before you get a bonus if you do the dance hey rusty you were tonight do you a fortnight do you a fortnight say it to the camera tell us how much you love for night oh yeah yeah you love for net restless for at night restless for tonight just maybe one of them do bruh that's like that dude I feel like a black mirror episode yeah just everywhere he goes don't doing the four night dance yeah keep [ __ ] escaping wait am i in the video game no you do that for like a year yeah and you finally like just stop no no you do have it you do a video on Twitter of you doing it and like you just add him you're like hey Russ you just like pay for it to be a targeted ad this conversation there are other ways you can Punk with people it just creeping them out fully yeah like this is some black musician it's just like for it you know I mean it's like it's like okay it's my buddy even is a him and his coworkers he's an engineer him and his co-workers used to prank each other okay I think I told you this he one time like they would do [ __ ] to each other's computers right he one time ran a script that made every single terminal command run half a second slower oh so like halfway through the day that dude was like I don't understand what's happening he's like I'm just doing CD I'm trying to like list the directory and it's taking ten seconds I've restarted my computer like eight times like I can't work I've no and he thought he was going insane he was like cuz it should be the easiest issue to fix right right [ __ ] like that [ __ ] up yeah did he ever tell him yeah I told me was like that's [ __ ] evil it's like such a simple evil [ __ ] thing you know saying yeah it's beautiful so Russ watch out if you get us beat up if your terminal starts taking longer to run commands yeah [ __ ] know who's in charge yeah if you're a [ __ ] if you're no disciples right he's just a little slower than usual yeah you know I'm saying yeah yeah oh dude this is a quick like when we're talking about note however long ago was not talking I like working out the command line I don't know what I was I was thinking of like NPM and just like initializing a project or like installing it mm-hmm and you're like oh boy you're in code in a while and I like went home that night and I was like Waylon oh damn I did [ __ ] that up I said that all wrong I like sat there for like a stone-cold minute like it just cried no I was like yeah if comedy goes bust like I'm really I'm really done for oh yeah well [ __ ] that's my work way too far but yeah there are 12 year olds right and way better code than us way better code we have to figure out how to be funny for a long time I know I know it's gonna be tough but anyway I'm wasn't already yes speak you know feel better though I feel a lot better from [ __ ] Tuesday yeah yeah that's good we there's a whole Tuesday we recorded a bonus episode that went up on patreon and on Sunday I had my first like series panic attack and I went to the hospital and really sucks we just like talked about [ __ ] anxiety for like 45 minutes on the patreon but it seemed to resonate with people people were like there was a lot of comments being like yeah you know telling their own stories yeah and how the podcast helps them and stuff yeah which is really really cool was cool to read all those I appreciate all the comments yeah but why had a almost had a panic attack again mid episode just talking about the one on Sunday so we taught the boy a little bit of grounding yeah how you browned yourself yeah and what I you know what I just learned I forgot who I learned it from he's read it somewhere online but yeah it's just like controlling your mind when that when the anxiety takes over his welcome it up like so I feel better now like I I actually got some sleep last night [ __ ] finally and I'm feeling better but it's like it's still it's still weighing on my mind a little bit like and it comes up when I'm interacting with people yeah yeah I'm thinking am I being normal right now like yep or is this still like tail-end from this weird anxiety or am i being just normal me once it starts to do it's just that yeah so you got it mitigate the [ __ ] [ __ ] um speak anyways if you want to learn if you want to learn more about our our deep anxiety issues yeah bonus episode there's a good one yeah so pivoting back to weird [ __ ] um I had some fun so I just I feel like I have to now because it's gonna be irrelevant next week but I got a goof on Drake a little more okay yeah go for it from Milly Bobby Brown yo yeah we were like oh she's 16 or never see [ __ ] 14 by 14 I know the [ __ ] is this man doing what the [ __ ] is this man doing I won't want to believe it's like a father thing no like I want to believe it's like oh you're really talented kid I'm gonna mentor you or something like that right hang out with her and her agent hang out with her in group settings yeah yeah I have a one-on-one dinner for what reason for what reason how do our parents feel about that's what I'm saying we don't know who goes these dinners bro but it's not it's weird even then even then I'd love to go out with you guys and your daughter yeah if I imagine like you ever like nah we'll tell her what you have to say yeah yeah yeah my child is a [ __ ] you know a famous Hollywood person yeah and a multi-million dollar recording artist is like I'd love to have dinner with her I'd be like why and how did you get to my house go [ __ ] yourself yeah it's a No so um Oh Seinfeld got away with it yeah I was just kind of sitting there like reading like just one of those tweets and I'm like huh how is it that like when people get rich like that's like top five things they get caught doing what dating younger people just assaulting children or like I mean that's like that's like senators and [ __ ] I'll get into that in a second to like its what why is it old like as soon as rich men get old they get creepy this reminds me of something that I want to read can't talk and they just start liking it is it is it cuz they've had everything that they want to have what they're not supposed to have kind of thing yeah maybe what's [ __ ] up yeah yeah like today [ __ ] Don junior Donald Trump son yeah he like this is that whole thing with Kavanagh like I haven't seen any that [ __ ] doesn't matter he like here's the dude was about to become a Supreme Court justice okay and there's like a woman alleging that like he assaulted her or something whatever so he posted a picture and he goes oh boy this is this is the letter that like basically this is the evidence of Kavanagh like this is the letter he received from that girl and it's a child it looks like a it's like a kid's like note saying will you be my girlfriend yes or no in like crayon and I like I'm like well you tweet that as if like old political men don't want to [ __ ] with kids yeah like they do yes so I'm pretty sure yeah like it's it's not funny look did you see what's his face is suing Sacha Baron Cohen now yeah more yeah after the whole like pedophile so money so money it's hilarious the fact that he's now he's suing you yeah let it go it was so much worse all right so there's dude KB on Twitter you know him KB no swag yes KB no swag so he wrote you wrote a really funny medium article where he ranked in 50 states okay like best to worst or whatever okay and then like wrote a paragraph about each one okay here I'll just read the the top of it alright so I'm just gonna freestyle these rankings based on minimal knowledge and little to no research the compliments will be scarce scarce so don't how do you pronounce that scarce scarce I think where I'm scarce scarce say oh man that's cars scarce scarce yeah thing mother youtuber what's up guys its scarce here yeah so don't come here looking to feel better about where you live blah blah blah okay so I'm gonna read the one for California because it's kind of its kind of relates to what we're talking about here yeah and it's really funny California I'm begging you to shut up give up on your social media acting model singing whatever career and just shut up for once go vlog yourselves permanently disappearing into the redwood forest or whatever it's called I promise you I wouldn't forget to like comment subscribe what's up YouTube gets absolutely [ __ ] mauled by a black bear hey Silicon Valley you socially inept dweebs are almost as insufferable as the influence influencers in LA so stop smirking the only thing California loves more than themselves the only thing California loves more than themselves is diddling kids hey Hollywood be way less of a pedophile ring and way more of a film industry I would keep roasting you but it looks like your wild fires were doing a pretty good job of that and then is one for [ __ ] wait I gotta read this one it's it's true man [ __ ] man I don't get into politics on this ship but you got something else I want to read the one for well do you matter that dude who's who tried to spin up that counter company hey tree on now uh it was like it's like a patreon Sam Hyde was on it and she liked that or no I think Sam I don't know but I don't he's just like some conservative guy and he's like oh this is like the number one crowdfunding way like method for the all right or something yeah yeah he just got arrested for or he's like being charged with assaulting a child the fifteen-year-old really I'm starting to feel like all these like the back and forth like cuz that's something I'll I'll see is some people being like oh liberals are the but they're okay with pedophilia because like of Hollywood and [ __ ] um and I'm like I think old rich men are just upset with one another because they both want to be pedophiles and the one side seems to get away out of it yeah Seinfeld with a 17-year old I know that [ __ ] was crazy that man make sure [ __ ] blows my mind I know just out in public just like yeah and this is my prom queen yeah literally yeah she's top of her class valedictorian hey Pittsburgh love your city way less seriously just relax take the same five Steelers pirate shirts that you've been rotating since 2006 and incinerate them in a blast furnace Penn State get over yourselves the infatuation you have with your mediocre public university is extraordinarily creepy pit stop losing Philly take a bath all of you stop arguing over which gas station has better shitty food and you'll get your cholesterol checked cheesesteaks her average ketchup is an immensely overrated condiment and Heinz is barely distinguishable from knockoff brands stop forcing yen's and John into your vernacular and go study for your GED Wow I'll get bodied get [ __ ] wrecked me shoutout to KB no swag for that it was really funny yeah man I was enjoying it I'm really looking forward to the next comedians in cars getting coffee mm-hmm or Drake and Jerry tore their favorite high schools with a set of binoculars pedophiles in cars the cars off yet [ __ ] just imagine the show like that but it's all I kollywood people and they're just like going to different high schools like writing down like a gear books and [ __ ] Jesus is that dark nanano pretty dark too dark I wonder if they I'm not even gonna I'm not even gonna goddamn it dude I'm so hungry yeah Sam I'm so goddamn hungry Sam what should we eat some [ __ ] [ __ ] doughnut no not I'm gonna do it out not even gonna mess around with that joke anymore a lot of people think you dropped it and I just want to clarify that Cody did not hit the NI sound it was more like a I hit it it was more like negative yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no it wasn't even really it was it was too close yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no it wasn't like that mine was no that's bad Oh ninja no ninja swear I've described ninjas was terrible was live streaming yeah live streaming and what he's like um he's like in his kitchen and he's like doing some weird something he's like stuttering then he's like Wow stop stop nagging me stop nagging me no one likes uh I'm not even gonna say I'm gonna say no you gonna say and then he realizes it right after he's like oh he's like he's like that okay dad that I was watching it on streaming like his hands went down I'm like this is the next move right here the [ __ ] to the two fingers up I didn't actually mean it see everyone can say it because I hold on hold on now it wasn't that it was why can't we say it why can't I say it that's the real discussion here in one fell swoop every single one of his subscribers yeah I wanted to say this for a while why can't I say an unsub alright dude have been gamers big yeah yeah we said it all time why can't I say it so it was such a funny thing like like to accidentally sit like I I like accidentally got close in this weird abstract joke or using keys instead of other letters right yeah yeah but he it happened to him when he goes nobody likes so bad nobody likes that those that South Park [ __ ] yeah I said oh stream cuz I was talking about a little bit I was like yeah Cody did like a like a f1 like like you're tired touched like like the wall was right there and like you did like a art and Senna like 2 inches my apologies I didn't mean to write out on the apex it was an accident yeah so um oh my [ __ ] god damn it where we at 40 yeah we got a little time no address today well yeah I was discussing everyone keeps asking me Oh what do you think of Machine Gun Kelly what do you think machine gun [ __ ] out of here the [ __ ] out of here man that dude thinks he's way too cool man he liked he's kind of like this weird just boost of confidence now with this whole thing and it's just like dude heat so you saw a picture he took no from that crowd the like oh yeah with a shot yeah and I'm like that's a pretty big audience and then I read the caption he was opening for someone right for [ __ ] Fall Out Boy yeah yeah right even who is even there yet knowing who he is no one's really there to listen a rap yeah I mean I have heard though live he's insane MGK yeah really I like that's like old friend of mine like co-worker of mine yeah you know like deep just old hip-hop head loves old hip-hop new [ __ ] he'll listen to it but doesn't love it he was like I never even thought to give Machine Gun Kelly a chance mm-hmm he's like I went to rock the bells one year and he was just before someone else I wanted to see something I'll give it a shot he's like I became an MGK fan right there really he's like his sets are crazy he's like they're so hype they get wild huh so I don't know I'm still not gonna listen his music but I mean I just think that line and kill shot which is like enjoy this is Biggs you're gonna get yeah I think it's kind of true it is true yeah like he's now on this like new high who was talking about energy came before this yeah yeah I think people he people were talking about I'm like six years ago yeah yeah and then I feel like account plateaued no most definitely um I was gonna dig into my notes for some bad [ __ ] we gotta work on some new music we are yeah we are I mean but we got a seriously do it know Europe through off our schedule you know I want to like really go like until more than once a week same let's let's let's do it double double dick Dan style what is that two week to a week even more you night sessions [ __ ] every day what do you got one like I want to like make it less scheduled and more like oh [ __ ] let's see itís we got this thing that we're working on and we're really passionate about it looks like finish it lets us get it let's go and I scat it you know it yeah I'm down with that so I think we actually will have like like six songs done by like in a couple weeks no not in a couple but in a month yeah no month and a half probably like if we actually paid attention to it we're like alright we're gonna try and make this project a reality no I mean we have to yeah it's we do yeah over the be hatre you have to do yeah but no I mean we already have six like solid like haploids yeah and they're I mean is the but it's definitely better than clear evolution of what we've done yeah clear application of what we've done and some I'm hype I'll listen I've been listening to what we've been doing just thinking about how to do it different mm-hmm I want to do more [ __ ] around Travis [ __ ] okay a little bit sing songs yeah I want to fight throughout the tune seems way better it's fun yeah it's a lot of fun I get why rappers do it now it was fun like that that stupid song I sent you but I made this beat and I was just like by myself like home alone just like figuring out like melodies and [ __ ] like that it was so much fun yeah it was so much fun it's like not as hard to me as figuring out like rap yeah like real bars yeah real bar yeah real Boris Boris you bring okay you bring the iron out to straighten out the cloth I bring the iron out to show you who the boss mmm like that nice yeah did you make that up yeah kind of damn house dope thanks brother Mars bars oh pretty bars pretty bars dude gaga is pretty pretty effing bars handsome bars I mean yeah that type of rap is most people don't go for it mmm-hmm you know people don't really get into so I I just feel like the skill of like melodies and all that is probably more practical yeah it's more useful yeah like rap and rap yeah you know I'm saying but um yet then you should we were around Christian that [ __ ] a bit a bit of but-but-but-but bangs us so I want to bring up move again oh my god I'm pregnant yes we had some juicy to talk about so there's this like I didn't even find that video all right so um Sam sent us a snap of like a crazy like a like a family like a wannabe family youtuber yeah and she's like getting uh she's like filming herself doing a a pregnancy test like reveal with her husband I got to read the title of the video - oh yeah yeah yes I linked it and so the snap is the dude just being like like he's just kind of like zoned out like yeah you're [ __ ] kidding me and then the chick is freaking actually oh yeah okay the title is emotional with stars live home pregnancy test results 2018 it says I'm pregnant TTC IVF whatever the [ __ ] that is and then and then the description is this is the moment we have all caps by the way this is all caps title and description this is the moment we have been waiting for we are we finally pregnant please subscribe for more of my journey follow me on instagram for daily updates and it's like bruh so the video if you watch it it's pretty like it doesn't make a lot of sense it's edited in a weird way and like it's supposed to like follow her the past journey of her like trying to get pregnant getting pregnant having a baby and then trying to get pregnant again right now yeah so I off that I kind of went on a binge of like um like pregnancy reveal video and I was getting freaked out by how like like how young some of this [ __ ] was okay like like really popular youtubers being like okay so like you know their audience is dumb young and they're like okay so first of all last video we hit 50,000 likes that's awesome today I'm eating Katie we're gonna take a pregnancy test cuz I might have got her pregnant I'm like no that's not the attitude son that is not the [ __ ] attitude and then like it's just like him like this kid like his LA apartment or this you know whatever is [ __ ] long line is looking line and [ __ ] I'm like wait I'm like invested because I'm like please don't have a [ __ ] kid like I'm gonna [ __ ] that kid up you're gonna [ __ ] it up when the YouTube money runs out and you realize that you have no place in entertainment you're just gonna [ __ ] ruin him yeah you won't be able to provide and I'm like Jesus Christ so it's that video he ends up like it ends up being negative but it's like what freaked me out is kind of what we were talking about before we started recording is like what like I why do people want to have families so [ __ ] young like just for the views like you were saying like ace family actually like I think like there's this dangerous like trend I guess yeah I guess it's not new but like with the ace family and the lebrandt family and stuff like that yeah it's like they inspire this generation of like family youtubers yeah of parents that are like spending a lot of time filming and editing and filming their children and whatever it's like disappointing one thing one thing for Logan Paul to inspire you know a [ __ ] million teens to be youtubers because they're gonna buy a camera than a try for a year and then it's not gonna work out and they're fine they're gonna find their other passion whatever they else they want to do that you know work out when your parents like yeah you should be [ __ ] doing yeah like I'm not saying you shouldn't follow like hobbies and [ __ ] and like your passions still when you're a parent but like you being a youtuber takes a lot of [ __ ] time yeah it does and and that's what is weird about this particular video that like set off this is like I mean it's a little late to be wanting to open up as a personality you know saying yeah I think that's the thing that's the huge disconnect with a lot of people's like when they start YouTube channels and like a lot of people ask those it's like how do I start how do I start it's like bruh starting is just making stuff yeah you got know if you even like to make [ __ ] yeah it's like stand up people like I'm afraid to do it I'm like you probably it's like a [ __ ] girl that walks down the street you have a romanticized idea of what it entails and you got to get up on stage and do it to see if you even like it yeah I like to see someone that far in life about to have a child which maybe it was difficult to have the child yeah it might be a little far along to want to be an entertainer you know I'm saying like it was tough to have that kid I mean I feel shitty saying that because I don't think it's ever too late I really don't because never too late but if you sign up to have a kid don't also sign up to like well don't stick a camera in their face and like yeah don't do if they're gone hailed hood for views and like you're your mother hood because that's kind of what it turns into bro that's what I'm saying I'm saying when I say youtubers a lot of work I didn't mean like oh we bust our [ __ ] ass and you can't do it because you're a parent I'm saying like we like lose a piece of ourselves because we're like being artificial in front of the camera all the time as much as much as you want to be real YouTube [ __ ] poisons your life basically is what I'm saying and so to have a child yeah and to put them through that yeah without their consent because they can't [ __ ] consent to that it's just like okay to stop with stop don't be a youtuber if you're a [ __ ] mom there should be a certain classification of assault for put when like when your friend is becoming a youtuber and they force you to be the husband the whole reason we're talking about this is because in the video the husband's face she reveals that she finally is pregnant and she starts starts like weeping and his face is just like what he's doing that I got like I got a I got a I'm gonna I got a dip I'm gonna [ __ ] die not I think that his face looked like what happened to my wife yeah like she's completely playing it up for the camera and he's just sitting there like dude it's it's so sad what oh it's so sad and just yeah oh yeah I mean I don't know maybe I'll come across like a Davis on the [ __ ] I just said but I think your phrasing it better which is yeah it's like you you're gonna give a part of who you are to like be to entertain people yeah you just automatically yeah yeah that's what it is like being open and like your thoughts like you're putting them out there when it's a kid it's like alright look at my child's not yet developed life and mind let's [ __ ] it together and it's also but it's also a sense of like this is about me yeah like this girl's YouTube channel is about hers about the kid is about look at me mothering my child yeah it's not about watch my kid grub there's a difference between family videos that I'm editing because I love to see my child grow up yeah it's but you know half the vlogs are her in a car being like Sal we're trying to refresh that class and I'm gonna bottle and it's like this is about you yeah you're trying to make this you're trying to be a personality and you're you're exploiting your children you know it's like I had some shitty tweet for like from back in the day then I know someone will eventually find wise isn't like a like your woman crush Wednesday or so [ __ ] it was one of these bad tweets I'm like got pregnant for 150 likes on Facebook yeah but like that was the [ __ ] like after I got out of high school and I kind of into college like the amount of people I saw just like having kids and like that eagerness to be like I'm having a kid like on Facebook just get that 200 likes yeah and then just like the incessant like baby posting yeah oh my god to him this is bad yeah this is [ __ ] bad cuz I don't I questioned their intention yeah I mean since all this is all gonna come bite me in the ass when I look at a kid yeah and I do the exact same thing just 21 the ace family post pictures farther a [ __ ] Lambo and big-ass house they're [ __ ] baby yeah it's like the whole this whole you have this Lambo because you stuck a camera in your baby's face yeah you know it's not maybe not maybe it's I mean maybe I'm distilling it too far down maybe maybe they're they are trying trying to entertain and stuff like that but it's just weird just so very just weird contradictions in that genre of content I'm just I think this like family like there are so many weird categories of YouTube and I think they're all just a product of YouTube being more of a younger like having more of a younger audience yeah and and like this weird need for [ __ ] 25-minute family content yeah it's like the most on the nose version of it's like are we good families in there well when we just incentivize huge families to make a big YouTube channel yeah I just film them literally doing family things yeah and so kids instead of being with their own families they just watch videos of me it's just that whole whole [ __ ] genre is weird to me yeah you Majan like you're 12 your dad's like hey son we're going up [ __ ] Disneyland yeah maybe like turn a [ __ ] off and orphan me right now cuz you're no turn that [ __ ] off and father me yeah no I'd say orphaned me and maybe I get a dad dude who will father my [ __ ] father my [ __ ] bro he'll father me up homie father me dude that mean he knows bad is there's probably some kids out there who hear this right now that got a parent who's like thinking about that you do yeah and they got to be like a mom why don't you just um mother me while you just pick me up on time trying to get mothered why don't you just help me with my homework yeah because I'm 14 and it's yeah I'm crazy that I don't understand geometry cuz you don't yeah what's up Jenner's today we're today Tanner needs help with his homework and so we're gonna try a little calculus but I'm not sure I remember it so might be a one I thought instead of hiring a tutor and helping him get an A I thought it'd be much more fun if we did it with you the janitors so let's go sit down together okay so um what is a polynomial mom I can't animate i'm emancipating you I'm gonna I'm I'm gonna fail I'm gonna fail this class please my homie wanted to get him intubated we were a nice girl oh just like you're like we'd like you read up about it you're laughing like just like the idea of getting emancipated at 17 what is like that say what is a legal procedure I don't know it's it's like you can legally kick your kid to the curb it's [ __ ] funny no isn't it the kid getting rid of their parents no it's like their parents like basically I think it's like a miner gets granted adult status yeah yeah yeah yeah so the kid can do it no no it's like they you need the parents consent to get emancipated okay but I thought it happens in most cases because the kid wants to leave the parents not the other way around I mean probably then all the way around is like adoption isn't it I mean yeah but your parents of emancipate you is even funny okay yeah our parents giving us up for adoption now we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna put you up for adoption and see if we can get you a family I never see you that's fine we just want to make sure you don't come back we want you to have a loving family we certainly don't love you I'm looking at a child emancipation child emancipation emancipated minor emancipated minor sounds like something not yeah yeah it sounds like something tricky I mean it kind of works yeah Fritz said send some free yeah yeah I'm and I'm asking like you ever emancipate my kids gonna mess with my kids all over you oh that's how lawyers have sex oh I can't wait to emancipate on you all I know you can emancipate them all over me oh yeah yeah wait let's see if we get jacked wait wait hello hello hello do you doing suck my balls no I mean maybe I was a real person it definitely was not a real person I was definitely sheen dude I got [ __ ] I got called I got one of these spam calls the other day and it was the most incredible [ __ ] [ __ ] I've ever heard in my entire life this woman was a beast of a saleswoman it was yeah insane okay so she calls me she was hi hi I'm calling because I know you're a member of the Hilton honors like fit program or whatever and I was like oh yeah and in my mind I just I just applied for another credit card that gets me status at some other hotel changed so much so in my mind I thought it was directed you connected so I gave her the benefit of a doubt and I was like oh yeah I am and she was like well listen up I got this great great offer for you and this is you know it's going fast and blah blah blah and once last time I'm in Vegas and I was like I mean I was there a couple weeks ago Vegas is a nice thought like that and she was like yeah and and and what do you like to do when you're there and I was like hey man you know I just gamble pretty much he's like what's your game I'm like blackjack just said something site or blackjack joke I'm like yeah for sure as I go listen up how would you like this she offers me like four nights at a Hilton on the strip a new one I guess for the price of one night say 150 5 bucks for four nights or something like that all you got to do is take there tour of their like vacation rental service timeshare basically right it was one of those calls yeah soon I realized that I'm like oh my I'm kind of like okay well I'm not really interested right now and whatever I don't really wanna but she goes why not can I just wanna that's why I just don't know so far along in this call I couldn't just hang up yeah I didn't feel right in my yeah in my stomach just hanging up on this woman that's a Canadian because we connected yeah I was the Canadian yeah you okay yeah you sound pretty harsh though you see I'm just like [ __ ] off bub but for some reason she'd gone on she we had connected it was like we had a small bond now over blackjack yeah I know yeah she knows I like to play blackjack my blackjack guy yeah and and so she so she's like super classy why and I was like why I just don't feel comfortable booking anything over the phone whatever sit sir you're not booking anything right now you're just securing the rate you have six months to book whatever nights you want right unless it's a Friday and the rate goes up a little bit but it's like not much and I was like okay I guess that makes sense okay I just don't really want to do this right now and she's like well no no it's it's it's totally fine and she kept me on the phone and I was like finally I was just like I got to go by and hung up and took a breath and I was like what the [ __ ] just happened 15 minutes of my life turn into this like she had like a Southern drawl crazy so it never happened to me recive what would you do I was like my balls yeah yeah why don't why do you want booked right now well I've just had just came down with this awful case of like mine I'm oh that's rough like Mike can be rough I understand that and then she died from that actually wait wait I looked up emancipation damnit my brains going to ways now my [ __ ] brain is a split uh no she did the [ __ ] you never heard of mirroring and matching no it's like some old-school like sales [ __ ] what ready yeah what are you doing no no I'm I was just getting comfortable okay yeah I thought you're about to do a bit you know really all right here we got a show for this next bit and just shut the microphones if you've seen that video deepthroating a microphone she's just sucking off a shotgun microphone and like an art gallery Jesus idiot hipsters being like oh yeah this is deep deep in her throat this might be our furniture hello hey what's up man how you doing dammit all right man suck my dick just kidding thanks for watching this episode our furnitures here is it not really at an hour yeah goddamnit I'd like 15 things I wanted to say okay well save them for next time our furniture is here and we got a subvert sir for this so the next episodes gonna look a lot better all right and we'll see you guys what no read amounts of equates yeah we got to go down right just yeah okay I guess dammit I just got blue-balled why read read read what emancipation is now it's like dude I'm getting emancipated sucks you can't vote can't buy alcohol can't get a driver's license and you still have to go to school you just have no parents then that's even worse yeah that's just want to make you a co-worker what if that's what our parents could do now to us just like I'm emancipating you and you're like what wait no like you can't drink anymore you can't you can't giggle your license is revoked but it's just this for your own good it's for your own good we're you saying what the co here nah just [ __ ] you're just like alright alright no L mean your mom been talking we decided we think we should just move forward as as a team okay um not so much direct responsibility over you you'll get your own task and you'll kind of manage that yourself we want to elevate you a little bit yeah and let's put us all on the same playing field so you know we're no longer your parents we're just gonna go ahead and you know treat the family like a brand so I'm a brand manager we're gonna call ourselves the ace family's family you're a brand manager and so we all have a responsibility to the brand to do our best the ACE brand okay alright bucko all right we'll have a review in six months we want your timecard in right there oh and then we'll discuss allowance raises and you know pretty much but you're on your way you want to run out there and help the boy I guess but we ran our seven all right guys another bonus episode next week go watch the last one if you wanted yeah yeah meme I'll have a meltdown yeah and when you're seeing this we both have new videos up yeah mm-hmm we got new videos up I'm roasting some people and you're making crafts again making some more crafts alright so if you want a nice little mix of crafts and watching other people get [ __ ] torched do that up see you guys next week pasty thanks so much

Channel: Tiny Meat Gang

Views: 404,959

Rating: 4.9558616 out of 5

Keywords: thats cringe, cody ko, noel miller, satire, comedy

Id: d5QCCkvqxRk

Length: 68min 16sec (4096 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 28 2018

Reddit Comments

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