H3 Podcast #56 - Post Malone Live From The Hollywood Improv

all right let's do this thing ladies and gent hit the music even a Neela Klein and post balloon [Applause] [Music] [Music] what up EPS what the [ __ ] Bikaner oh that conference is tomorrow night about that holy [ __ ] did I hear no heckling cuz it's I'm against that policy bro heckling am I logged out of this computer yep alright right how off to a good start we're logged out of our computer here Alex need your password Oh how's everybody doing tonight wow this is insane [ __ ] you know did anybody like come from a far distance to be here how far what we got fingers over here what was that Missouri holy [ __ ] did you oh my God thank you God bless you dude that's do we have a password check on the computer who else long distance what do you got Philadelphia what up pips damn you know thank you guys Oh whose birthday oh happy birthday thank you so much god bless you is this gonna is the past we're gonna pop up if I don't touch okay all right thanks Alex you're fired by the way [Laughter] first of all uh thank you guys all you guys could be doing anything in the damn world right now and you all chose to sit here with our goofy asses so that means a lot and obviously post Malone hey guys my [ __ ] unbelievable I'm [ __ ] absolutely terrified okay sing every night I'm Tara I am so scared right now because I want I'm gonna count how many words either says no you uh you know what up you have anything you want to say no perfect yes so ela so ela I do want to say Austin post Malone this guy is so ride-or-die he's always there for us and like for you to show up on our first live show to grace us like this and get that much more special I honestly just want to say huge huge thing you mean I love you better thank you brother thanks for having me and I just hope I don't bother anybody with my presence that's not righteous kick-ass time is this live right this is double life there's so many layers to live from this there's a live stream which we usually live stream our podcast and there's a live audience is there are other layers of life that where I'm not we're going to get live living people is this my water does Austin water okay the password in the water we're like listen alone is showing up we're gonna need at least 12 beers at his side Bud Lights and we and they delivered on that there's definitely not 12 are you serious how many times do I have to fire you tonight is Bud Light sponsoring you yet by the way I don't know I don't think I could talk about it oh that sounds promising shut up the Bud Light bite alright let's get started you know I was driving in here today and I don't know how many of you guys saw this there was a giant billboard you know pulled that up would you that said it really was just like hey I mean I just took this literally driving in well you gotta move that window this we're not used to this setup this is our first time here doing this so you this is important I need to make sure that you guys actually see this like as close there you go the projector is really hard driving in just here today syphilis is serious I'm like Jesus Christ what's going on in Hollywood like I know it's serious but like what do I am I not supposed to breathe here like how serious is it apparently there's another one that somebody said there was like gonorrhea we'll get you there's like an epidemic in Hollywood of STDs so make sure to they're free the checks are free and the STDs are free food yeah s fees are free depends on who we had a long conversation here on the podcast once about bugchasers were you there for that I don't think they're yeah there's people out there that they love catching the bugs and specifically aids like they're they'll go like take a dip well they get it you I was talking about there's like aids parties yeah yeah okay yeah probably I mean I don't know who else you'd be talking to about that they go to these parties and there's one dude with AIDS and everybody just [ __ ] each other and then one other person leaves with AIDS a gosh it's like aids relax yeah AIDS relay arts like it sounds like a bonus stage of a really awful game a great [ __ ] deejays casino [ __ ] slot machine how you doing post how you been lately I'm good you're about to start a big tour right you're sure sure thing did you told me you're getting this can I do this yeah yeah yeah I'd smoke first ask questions later you know I mean [ __ ] Dave Chappelle does it yeah that's true well I guess there's a technicality when you're performing that like you can say it's part of the performance you're like okay it's an act it's an appetizer I don't actually smoke I want to have a cigarette but my mom is watching exactly but if my jewel at home it's just an act mom cardinal sin leaving your jewel you told me that you're doing like selling out 20k Cedars like when we when we first hung out for the first time I remember you white are white Iverson had already gone real big you hadn't even dropped your first album yet that was about a year ago that's it's insane how how far you've come in that short years been unbelievable yeah man I'm just trying to kick some ass I mean 20k is and I'm [ __ ] this is terrifying yeah yeah we just need to Jamie people here this is like 200 yeah hopefully it's not like a Mobley it's not like a multiplying with every 200 how many people are watching on the stream at least 10 people chat oh you those people ten people round of applause for if I'm watching a home all 10 of you and my mom I wonder air oh and shredder shredder shout-out to my mom who's watching shredder we were gonna bring him with us but we're like oh my god we're going we can't have a shredder at a restaurant kind of wanted to set up like a little cage here and just keep them in there but we're like that's not that doesn't make sense that's insane we just figured that out last night - more like yeah like don't take him on any Delta flights or whatever they - what the [ __ ] bro okay let's talk about that thanks for bringing that up so if you guys haven't heard apparently us family had a puppy little cute adorable dog that they brought on a plane you're supposed to put him under the seat in front of you that's how you bring a puppy on a plane and the stewardess was like you need to put it on the overhead and insisted you got put on the overhead I mean this was a whole failure of on all sides because they first of all they put it on the overhead over a 3-hour flight they never checked like hey is my puppy not [ __ ] dying if it came down to me putting my dog in the overhead compartment I would definitely after takeoff get him hey yeah well anyway spoiler alert the dog died hahaha really light no just start it off with which especially broke my heart cuz we're just so in love with our puppy shredder and just I had a dream last night where shredder got run over by cars lighten it up a little bit more you save them you save them in the dream yeah it's less traumatic if I say that though anyway how do you not check it how do is has a story you put a puppy in it overhead I don't know this world is so puppy Shanor does not care but maybe I don't know she being villainized probably probably her names out there they don't [ __ ] anymore under like this lady who lives at this address is it on her or the stewardess or the owner well how do you I mean I want I'd like to place the blame all around cuz how the hell do you put it how do you put your puppy and an overhead for three hours yeah I want to ask you something okay I noticed you when I met you you were rocking like you had like insane jewelry I remember you had like a Rolex that was like a bling the [ __ ] out with diamonds and I feel like you don't really wear jewelry anymore not tactical I'm going for tactical nowadays what do you mean tacticool tech okay yeah I don't know I'm still [ __ ] with anymore yeah it's the old thing for me changing the box yeah but I still wear my Mike Michael retainers and [ __ ] my golden retainer sounds way cooler than grill definitely start calling them retainers the December first has passed and your new album has not come out what the hell man what the hell last time you were on the show we were being what my life was being threatened by Patrice Wilson on the show right now I don't hear I don't like that he knows where I am he's a trenchcoat waiting for you I'm looking at the exit is there emergeny Patrice Wilson escape plan did art we don't know there's not I could tell you y'all better [ __ ] human shield my ass if the trees kicks through those doors if true fans will take a bullet for me no but that was so funny because you had said your new album was going to come out on the first did I say yes cuz okay yeah okay yeah a lot of people don't understand yeah I'm hilarious ya know a lot of people just don't get it that's the case because like billboard and all these like huge publications like Oh beer bongs Bentley's drop in December first and then when it passed everyone was soups like this [ __ ] you yeah so what happened was I mean I just want to make sure everything's fine and right and sounds good and [ __ ] yeah I was gonna ask when but I just wanted to ask when yeah well now it's probably better I just thought was fine December first guys of this next year this year how's the apocalypse bunker going have you mentioned tactical yeah yeah keeping tactical my doggy it's going good my dog how the [ __ ] do you do my dog how about [ __ ] the idea of my doggy yeah it's going good man we just had some month some contractors come by the house and take a look and hopefully it's a go this Mike stinks a little bit sniff your mic good after a show smell it up your never be so disgusted when you so is that your own stink because do you say no guys the Mike before you use it I don't know who because there's like stink on these my yeah you like and you put it right up to your mouth boy like there's [ __ ] talk about I mean what was it syphilis is a risk it's serious did they not get the memo here if you get an alert like they got in Hawaii that a bombs coming to LA syphilis bomb syphilis bomb has come to LA more dangerous than nuclear crafty nowadays with their with their bomb-making so what do you do do you have an escape plan I don't know kinda you don't want to share it you don't want see that's exactly but you guys are all invited since you're here so he doesn't really mean that I have a lot of dogs istic Lee it's just not possible to get you all in just survive what's that survive on dog food for the rest of our life look pretty good it's pretty good now it is now it is there's like gourmet [ __ ] chef for dogs like you have Ramsay has yeah we get him meals yeah a little dank little [ __ ] chunks of meat I'm like [ __ ] dude oh my god it's like steamed broccoli my dog has this Buffalo he eats Buffalo strictly Buffalo buffalo like wings no I like Buffalo buffalo meat got buffalo meat necessarily it's like buffalo meat infused right you know I'm gonna have to get in a regulation on that shredder deserves only the best do we have we had I think there should be a caller somebody word that yeah hey guys I don't I don't know how they got in but uh here hold on a minute I think I can patch a man one sec a caller I think there's he says he's like an old friend of post like a friend from middle school seriously who is it hello are you there hello oh it's not work I can't hear I can't hear you is this I have a feeling this is somehow Ian's fault hello we're maxed out oh no my god this is oh my god not like this we're maxed out you know the weirdest thing happened we are testing this earlier and it comes out of that projector in the middle roof now what the hell who does the pole this mystery call the top setup at all oh I'll work on it we're gonna work back around all right well we're gonna work on that but there's a guy just some guy who happens to know you from middle school who had a really funny story about you who wanted to call in so I'm really looking forward to getting serious guys STD check org get over on the free STD check Oregon really I don't know what are you supposed to check yourself online sandy rub your dick on a the computer CD Drive or something yep you got it you guys want to I want to pretend to smoke one of those okay you sure are you guys mad if I have a cigarette cuz I always calm it's like look like I'm so just so naturally smoking yeah do you want sorry guys don't don't take that as me telling you to do it just pretending to do it I'm not actually smoking we're performing right now got a lighter okay thanks thanks buddy preciate this is not me by the way guys you guys been following the Martin shkreli story Friends of the show by the way farmer bro let me light one up for him Bartz Corelli you guys know that that's the guy who hiked up the prices on like a life-saving aid road 5,000% Pharma bro what's so crazy like a couple months ago he called he was live streaming at the same time we were having a podcast and he called in right after his sentencing came in and he was like here well here you can pull it up he called into you you ain't called into the shard how are you just a little refresher how are you feeling really 0 to 6 months and no fine is it is that zero to C so the dude interestingly he didn't get in trouble for raising the price of the drug he got in trouble for defrauding investors and a hedge fund he gave him a cute little fat it was a tiny little bit misleading fact the hedge fund was supposed to be worth a hundred million but it was actually worth minus thirty three cents that's not a joke just so it's a white lie yes so uh recently oh wait pull up this clip this is a great one this is a wonderful setup for where we're going here oh wait so oh yeah he went so he was out on bond he's like hey I'm only I'm only gonna have to pay I'm not containing money and I'm just on like house arrest for like three months so the genius tweets this out the Clinton Foundation is willing to kill to protect its secrets so she's on her book tour try to grab a hair from her I must confirm the sequence I have will pay five thousand dollars per hair obtained from Hillary Clinton and payment after this sequence matches good patrollers so that so I mean he's kidding but the judge was like dude you're a menace to society because there's [ __ ] Looney Tunes out there they're gonna go try to get her hair and cash in on that so they're like you're going to jail buddy I'm revoking your bond so they sent his ass to prison and he's been awaiting his I guess like further sentencing and got away for a million that's pretty good for someone release no debe you had to go to jail how much time would you do is this related to your situation thirty thousand dollars and I Flickr answer with sarcastic so he was joking around like I made a hundred billion bucks and I'm only gonna do a little bit of time aren't they the [ __ ] coolest and I've long suspected that that interview was used against him by the prosecutors cuz that was the last interview he did before he went back to prison right and they're like look at this guy's beg he's bragging about it he has no remorse he knows what he did he hedged his bet and so the the judgment just came out god bless the you know it you know the guy maimed his way right into the into prison man seven years in prison for this goofy as [ __ ] you know is I suspect if he wasn't such a troll he probably might be fine right they made him give back his wu-tang album to yeah I don't know how that how that entered in they're like you know what dog you're not worthy [ __ ] you we want your [ __ ] I don't know it's owned by the state maybe and well at any rate so we made a little uh we made a little tribute to him so our editor Alex worked real hard on this we wanted to say a fond farewell to a friend good friend and Martin shkreli friend of the show good guy he named his way into prison and into all of our arts as well so if you guys could hold up your phone lights just in Memorial for a guy before we roll this ad that mean a lot to me and him as well and you guys get your phone lights out please this is special moment yeah thank you oh my god this is do you ever see this from this is like magic this is incredible bro do you see a Coldplay concert oh my god I feel like I feel like God non-human primates are kind of these pretty precious animals that's why we care so much about ROM B if you could make a hundred million dollars but you had to go to jail how much time would you do is this related to your situation now totally totally unrelated coming out of this with over a hundred million dollars right now I'm looking at zero to six months so six months and no fine that's right the so-called Pharma bro has been sentenced to seven years in prison marks greatly [Music] well he lived the same way he was locked up memeing tip my beanie to him so sad thank you for putting out there that was special can you guys just leave those out for the rest of the show okay yeah random applause good job Alex blend that together I felt good okay do we have our special caller Dan our random just totally random guy who decided to call in give it another go why don't we so yeah we got yeah we know what we're doing we're prepared me neither sure come on don't miss as I was saying a random color who knows Austin from middle school history how did he get in here is he on is he live oh no projectors played sound I don't know why does the projector have a little speaker if you're gonna put a speaker at least make it louder than that what do we do Dan oh we're gonna we're gonna take a break about halfway through this right yeah okay whoa man Opie sticks around this random kid Opie's committed it's great maybe I think it's yeah alright so random sweatin this mic smells really yeah look if it a sniff I don't think you sniffed it mine's fine yeah mine's good yes definitely mine maybe it's me maybe I'm just finally smell on my own nasty mouth clip has failed me no they're great I would never disparage quit hey here's a headlight or just so uh I don't I can't work the leaks here oh that man this was a huge [ __ ] man this rock the whole [ __ ] planet I hops putting up signs all around the saying will not serve seat guests with strong marijuana odor it's a seat guest and by the way it's em where'd you [ __ ] races please we need to contact I hop PR we need to do that we need to pull all their ads and shut down YouTube unrelated but that always happens that was funny you're so funny thank you so funny thank you man alright well we've got a video on deck let's get right into it we got all kinds of funny cringe videos to watch together by the way you can imma I'm a huge shark fan I love shark game hit me with the soundboard Dan do you have it is he gonna come another projector you know then the UK shark tank is called Canada how's that Canada no heckling it's the same it's all part of the Queen's Queen's [ __ ] god bless the Queen why what's bet what's more aggressive a shark or a dragon who a dragon dragon we should do a collab so they brought this shark the shark - shark dragon crib that's too scared no one enter that den so they brought this guy out who's his pitch to them is literally a pyramid scheme which is so funny because the producers knew exactly that they were bringing out a guy and it's not even his pyramid scheme it's somebody else's so he's coming out trying to recruit these sharks into underneath him in another person's pyramid scheme and it's just a whole [ __ ] romp so let's let's let's enjoy this together shall we I get back here [Music] yeah movin into the den a Brampton Ontario truck driver with an all-in-one card that rewards shoppers and he's hoping the Dragons will become investors this is so [ __ ] cruel the producers to bring this guy out man hello dragons my name is Andy nachus and I'm from right off the bat very seedy that suit it's just I think it's his collar I think it's best imagine taller bro I did the collar is very Elvis impersonator wait say see his sign man straight from Ontario up I stand humbly before you today to offer you a historical business opportunities historical ladies and gentlemen our New York for Andy I'm looking for a hundred and seventy five thousand of your hard-earned dollars which works out to $35,000 per dragon as I would like all five of you on board what do we get how much of the company if you could please let me finish my pitch I will lead up to it I haven't [ __ ] you Kevin it's not yeah [ __ ] you Kevin can you please not interrupt me you [ __ ] Oh Oh a dragon maybe if you were a shark I'd listen but today he's a dragon Kevin is not yeah Kevin Kevin is not [ __ ] with what a product that I'm selling okay go ahead thank you very much man you're so nice early it would like all five of you on board in exchange you will get a business package within our rapidly growing company this business package will be responsible in the near future for bringing you huge returns [Music] opps I'm ready to sign uh let me explain lioness brings shoppers to retailers in a form of a cashback card this is going to reward you with a lot of money in the future I love this billboard it's like a bad pop-up ad on like a porn site not that I've never been Bruce from Krawczyk look at all the cash she did she's [ __ ] loaded she didn't have to invest you just [ __ ] job instead of all these reward points cards with clutter and restriction with one card lioness guarantees you cash back into your bank account after your routine purchases they're already signed up how much did you sign them up where oh yeah we're in I'm ready to sign up names are on the card we actually I am a spokesman for lioness and people be hand going around passing out sign up for huge money mop money-making opportunity just can huge return yeah thousand dollars from each you I stand here humbly he's so humble it can vary it can go from twenty to forty percent wait a sec can I go buy something I get twenty percent of the purchase value in cash yes sir that ain't gonna have your son of a [ __ ] this is the most gullible person alive not only did you believe that your you can actually get twenty percent back on a purchase he can't he was so enthused he came on the Dragons Den to pitch it it's incredible to start to story so humble absolutely keep going so thank you sir you should be sweating Kevin sis the way it works is that the shoppers sign up and register for free and so this'll not I wonder if he's just nervous or a psyche to it I just realized I'm being scammed right just hit me this may not be fully up or how on up and up music [ __ ] is my collar to be serviced I know this is gonna end badly for you I want you to know that yes very badly Arlene I got to know how I get 20% off my retailers we're gonna hear if we got him talk let's get him on the podcast feel bad yeah yeah I feel kind of bad he's getting suckered like that's the shoppers register for free it's making man lioness partners up with retailers in to take a sales commission of the sales they generate that particularly retailer depending on their profit margin just like a commission based salesman in a company I get it I don't get it I get it Robert so slow I'm gonna try to I know if you guys watched Shark Tank but Roberts always like I don't get it he's like the slow he's like the Robert seems a lot meaner on the Dragons Den it was really nice on the shark yeah he's a sweet he always has a puppy mmm everybody always gives them to Republic I feel like you always get [ __ ] from well no he's I don't know I like Robert I like Robert I do and Mark I feel and Kevin's nice Kevin straightforward I feel bad for Robert cuz nobody ever wants to make a deal with them he's like I'll give you two times what you're asking and Mark's like 10 cents are like mark mark I feel bad for the other sharks sometimes they always going that it's always mark I'd make a deal for Mark whatever he wants man I don't know what I got to offer well I'll make a deal you're out there you met mark mark is a good guy oh you went to a I'm askin mavs kid how was it he was nice oh we're clapping [ __ ] yeah man you sat like front-row Center with him it was nice did you guys chitchat or was it all oh he's very he's a very nice guy very cool guy to you no I did not I provide always I tried to get them in on this line as a Omar listen buddy did you 22:40 I stand here humbly this is historical mark could I get the megaphone can I get in through the megaphone I have a great opportunity for everybody in the audience half time half time humbly historical that [ __ ] sold my being scammed right now Blaine to you in a simple term if I can help you sign us up and then the deal is we should go sign up other people right absolutely sign up other people or eight years old is in Europe and a pyramid scheme Falls up part at the bottom correct because every time you move to the top the supporters I can see right at the office when Michael Scott's like it's not a pyramid scheme like you had to come on national television this is a bad moment to realize you're in a pyramid scheme just like your collar my dude just look here you'll see the pyramid from this is the shoppers which register for free right and there I love this shot it's like if you in case you miss the sweat right the producers in backwards so like okay close up with a sweat get in make sure you can see the pulse okay good good good and they do this [ __ ] to where they cut it up to make it more awkward yeah he's like slick for a minute and they cut it out they're like nobody talk just get a silence I don't make any money if someone signs up underneath me yeah I do the one that I bought is $10,000 and that's to start in Canada alone Andy how much have you return on your money have you got now so far I'm on my way zero because I've been very busy on years ago G he's on his way to zero you'll get there someday buddy people are so gullible it never cease to amaze me how many sociopaths are out there to take advantage of this poor sweaty son of a [ __ ] do you do you think he has bad intentions or is he just a common Elvis impersonator he seems he seems pretty dull he's like and he's yeah he's a useful idiot hope he's not [Music] Carlos Carlos is in on this already man there's a person on Twitter impersonating Carlos and everyone thinks it's real and he's been like [ __ ] talking me on Twitter that was like shots fired Carlos is [ __ ] on you on Twitter and I can't I can't shoot back because I know it's just a pause you don't think it's Carlos I mean the guy DM me he's like hey don't tell anyone oh really I brought us here today good actor all it takes so much but Carlos is off the map which is kind of a shame because he's kind of a gem yeah he's perfect perfect man no they have Carlos on the that's my dream number one dream guests to meet Carlos yeah I just I just want a good big connect for him he was on John Oliver did you guys see that like man these memes are really taking off - this is serious stuff Marcee Carelli from prisons like these meme thing has really taken off dude let's wash this idiot Phil give him the 10,000 look at that face just look at that face man hang on let spoke to me just want to take that in for a minute basically it wasn't in steps the last payment I made was about three months ago or I board money against my house why because the returns overpower any percentage it's a walk yeah I feel bad you know you feel bad it's like these people who are getting scammed like they're they're so committed that they're they're unwilling to face the fact that they like waste it's the same [ __ ] with big connect we're like big connected this scheme where once they disappeared they're like no no guys you can use your [ __ ] big monopoly money to buy our new bit ex connect coin and like people are so accepting yeah yeah ex can roll they made another crypto disconnect disconnect this yeah but it's like God man anyway anyway guys like unrelated but we are working on to think a new crypto called Fupa coin it's gonna be really big I know you guys aren't global at all I mean I think you guys are super smart really cool people so Ian will be taking like if you guys want to get in the ground floor $10 for a FUBU coin right now and I think I already put my house against ya take your houses million smoke oil it's a historical historic I humbly bought 10 million turns coming the returns when you give him 35,000 wait a second why would an Wester give $10,000 to somebody and never get a return you're gonna get a return you're guaranteed your return and as soon as you find your for direct boom he's saying you need to sign up for people under you so you can start making it and I love in this guy's mind is like who better to get up under me than the Sharks they're totally gonna get on that do you think this could take off if they actually invest it do you think it could be a real thing no because you can't get the 120 percent yes 10.12 they're like if you spend a million dollars this month you can get $10 back by the way that reminds me you guys have savings accounts anyone here have savings accounts gonna get a round of applause for savings account you've seen that hey yeah hey response never seen a responsible savers you ever seen the interest rates on this [ __ ] are we just being scammed by the whole [ __ ] planet the interest rate on savings account is like point zero one two if you have a million bucks in your savings account Bakke of America will be gracious enough to give you fifteen dollars and they'll also send you a tax form too so you can report that to the IRS we're gonna need seven dollars in that fifteen dollars I love the way you say interest did I say it funny interests interests yeah three syllables intra interest interests not a baker showing a lot of interest in just a Bitcoin investors hanging on for dear life interest I see a lot of things wrong I'm dick [ __ ] I'm Dyslexic just look I'm just not a job listen admission you need to wear a badge I need a badge well you have a Kara badge right anyway like I don't we recently did a stream a couple days ago with this guy who had cancer was looking for a bone marrow transplant and he has a paper that he has to carry around we were talking about this on the way down like everybody has haters no matter who you are and this guy was like people are [ __ ] on us accusing us of scamming saying like oh my form of cancer is nothing to complain about I'm like damn dude even even you guys a couple of kids trying to do some good in the world's getting haters yeah and he had a little piece of paper on him that was like from the doctor that was like I actually have cancer so he could pull that out at any time anyway the point is that I I have Ella she's got the care badge so if I'd ever need its backup you look at me like I am his this man scare he is dyslexic and syphilis is dangerous in my wallet serious right next to my ID they take it everywhere next year was like FBI ID yeah someone's picking on Ethan you just [ __ ] with that [ __ ] hey be cool dude easy sensitive it's very fragile my ex-wife in Europe what happened oh no no no no oh my god we're having so no Oh panicking we don't have sound in what happened okay that's on the problem oh it's coming out of trying to hear if it's actually coming either - are you [ __ ] kidding me why you so coming down the projector now now we can't even get senator the laptop what's with this projector now the call is gonna come through the laptop oh that's a good point all I see is guard still there he's down the line this random dude sorry you guys weren't did any did you guys say that you're in the splash zone it's just like a Gallagher show there's a spot it's like Shamu there's a splash zone here Dan I haven't heard anything from Dan does he may be okay we're on our own well as long as my voice doesn't come out of the projector will be fine yeah we're in good shape as long as that doesn't happen I mean I can come up and try and fix it that can be the show that's me I think it's pretty got it got it yeah why is that it's it's it's a it's a it's a street food business I mean Andy weir here's the way it works just simply they're losing us line us up here okay here's the beautiful pyramid dragons under me and there's a Bigfoot above you about the squashing hold on can you finish that analogy for me so that's it's you yes here's lioness here's me see an actual scene from the office when I got real life it's unbelievable such a special moment I wish we had that scene from the office can you send it to me Dan or whoever Ian send me that scene from the office so we can all enjoy how [ __ ] similar it actually is and here comes the five dragons underneath got it and they start to build their network yeah and that gets kind of bigger right bigger because everybody that you bring in they're gonna bring it here yes you understand can we get back to this this nasty p-word the pyramid scheme which is illegal yes number one well it's just it's just I use it as an analogy you know what many people do my friend this is not something that I would ever invest in and neither should you have you have I'm out I don't know if it's a pyramid or not but my reaction is I'm not comfortable selling this to any guys are so sweet yeah I'm not I don't know if it's a pyramid I'm not comfortable it's like dude you're it's a pyramid scheme Marc would have been cussing them out yeah where's but it is Canada - how do we get the other sharks how can a shark be a dragon how do you send I think we figured that out already my friends while our business associates so I'm out and he I don't think you should take any more money and invested in this it might not be a good idea I know absolutely no way would I put money into this OOP forget his sweaty ass faces I'm out lot saying goes it doesn't impress me I am NOT a parrot I think it's just a bunch of the sad guy with tons of angles lots of sweat he put it in the most polite way I think impress me they were yeah it does you know I actually want to find you guys need to understand how closely this resembles Michael Scott here right there I feel like this can't be missed yeah raise your hand if you want thanks thank you whoever put this video together welcome to these ads for pyramid schemes underneath what works when did you two become Facebook every this is totally me when I see a poster pyramid scheme so flow like Antonio I'm leaving for you everybody in the video so flow every oh yeah yeah I mean listen you guys I don't know if you guys remember the hot single so full like Antonio that me and Austin started working on he's down to make a cameo yeah Joey salads is down the Bradbury's there Bradbury's are down slammin piece we they offered Coby person's gold cars really really well word is really word is we can also get a verse from Martin shkreli out of prison like ODB just take something off the wu-tang album all right now we are getting three people each the more people to get involved the more people who are investing the more money we're all gonna make it's not a pyramid scheme it's not even a scheme this is alarmingly similar to what we just watched good people so um here's the deal I guess we'll run to a quick break try to fix technical difficulties with this mystery guy who really persistent Dan are we good for that we can try to settle that out okay we'll be back in a short brief break we're gonna roll one commercial you guys don't have to watch it I don't know what you guys are gonna watch but it's gonna be so you get to well it's gonna be so dope all right moving along you ten dead air roll into a [ __ ] goddamn brick we'll be back in two minutes oh hello there I was just shopping for some post Malone tickets on SeatGeek here yeah oh this seat right here is a great deal cuz it's in green and also has a ten rating that's how I know it's the best deal hi guys I'm Ethan from the h3 podcast and I want to thank our sponsor SeatGeek today SeatGeek is a website that aggregates tickets to all kinds of events so that you can enjoy music shows sporting events pretty much anything you can imagine they've got tickets for now here was what makes SeatGeek so dope they'll show you the view from the seat so you know you're getting hooked up with the best seat none of this uh well if a fat guy sits in front of you nope they can't predict that but like if there's a pole in front of you or it's just further back than you thought that's not gonna happen cuz you get a picture you know if you're getting a good deal cuz it's green and they rate it based on a 1 to 10 score I love seeking I've used other services like this seeking is by far the best in fact it I'm so at peace knowing that SeatGeek has me covered that I just like to chill out and recline so I'm just taking it easy because I'm just so stress free now here's the offer I have for you guys if you want to go to a post Malone show if you want to go do anything psychic is gonna hook you up with $20 off your first purchase so even if you're gonna go buy tickets somewhere else you get 20 bucks off boom right here with seat kick with the code h3h3 that's the best deal you're gonna get anywhere use the link in the description to download the app and just remember if you're not getting seat geeked you're getting seat gackt stephen god you're getting seat god I don't know how I missed that it was such a layup even Dan from the back was like god you're not getting seat geek you're getting seat god so thank you for them for sponsoring us I hope you'll support our sponsor to help support our show guys thank you so much for watching let's get right back into it I want to say the price just so people can appreciate how laughing Rebecca hey everybody welcome back we continued without you you didn't have the time or patience to come here in person we continued without you mom we appreciate it on lust can I say the price or is it too embarrassing it's all in line well so this mat cost $3,400 alright can you not say man don't buy Mac Mac shamed well I have some great investment opportunities for you after the show 3400 to him I feel like we need another M word because M - M tour anyway so she let me get to the point she got this Mac and I'm like alright let me try this [ __ ] see I'm like very good pretty slick the two fingers is in sand like oh yeah I'm like where's the click button there's a [ __ ] click button I'm getting angry like I know you click the mouse pad I'm like oh my god feels good anyway my [ __ ] I was like how the [ __ ] do you scroll she's like no you just use both fingers [ __ ] works red how do you put a CD in CD mmm that's right you know how do you put a CD in but now I'm like ela I'm like I'm like listen ela I'm gonna need the Mac for the next 30 minutes just watch TV or something so I get it I don't know it's converting me I like it it feels good it's very [ __ ] like oh god he's got this [ __ ] where I'm like where's the double click they're like no no you just click with both fingers so Ethan has this like gaming keyboard your hey now you're a tin yeah well I don't that's why I don't like gaming laptops cuz it's like lugging around like a whole [ __ ] like it's like what's the point of having a laptop if it weighs 30 pounds and you need like you need like Ian to carry it around because you're too delicate to carry a mouse if you really want to game like a real gamer boy you have to carry your mouse and I agree that's keyboard is not tactical neither no that is not gaming laptop is not tactical yeah that's it you drop it put [ __ ] and get [ __ ] blown up one second there's no way well I do feel like a gaming laptop is more likely to stop a bullet for you this is body armor conversation interesting it's fascinating that was like one out of three maybe one out of three tough crowd so much better when you're in a studio and you can't hear when you're bombing tough groan tough crowd okay don't like the MacBook [ __ ] banter better move on [ __ ] all right let's take a call from this kid is really persistent so I just call him Dan better answer goddamn you had his number so quiet why is it so quiet can I call it fake why is it so quiet speaking hello okay hang on hello say something how the hell did you get this number he gave you this number hang on hang on I know this [ __ ] you said you know hang on you said you know Austin from middle school can I hear all the fishes in the audience give us give a loud yell for Jordan drop drop hey Jordan you got one oh my whoo bring that mic bring there was one water we got you double mic teared Jordan help Jordan how the hell did you get this number this is a disaster [Music] so what the hell do you what did you want you wanted to say something no no Spallone it's not bail post bail are you saying that that hold on hold on hold on hold on Jordan I'm gonna have to cut you up are you accusing post Malone of ripping off Jake Paul he's definitely an inspiration than my music but I wouldn't say I ripped them all I know how are you gonna sue on Jake's behalf that doesn't make any sense I mean post was making music before Jake Paul like two weeks ago maybe three two weeks ago Jordan Jordan I don't know all right Jordan we have time this is a short show how many Bitcoin do you even have okay you know what we tried our best guys are real do sure I think he was threatened yeah I think he was threatening you he had some he stayed on the line for a long time you know I want to stay the original joke we had planned for the end cuz it's so funny and so awful really but if I feel like if I say it and believe me the visa what do you mean play joke would that we were gonna say was like and I don't want to cause any pandemonium in the crowd but the doors are locked from the outside boom back we're like maybe maybe that's in poor taste it was in poor taste not anyway that let's move on [Laughter] yeah guys can I get a can I get a whale for my pickup artists out there man I listen one of my favorite things on the Internet are pickup artists whoo-hoo some men don't know how to talk to women and they need to be instructed by some big-ass pimps who know to [ __ ] touch touch some titties and inevitably these guys they're my favorite man they they put on seminars for guys even more gullible than they are I want to say pathetic but I feel bad for them in a way yeah they're not all pathetic man yeah I mean they probably [ __ ] like crazy they're probably I mean they're the ones with syphilis but I have a couple of my favorite pickup artists lined up we've been trying to make a h3 video about this guy Rob's from battling with this mic oh that's kind of cool such a rockstar yo this guy is a living meme he I just I don't know his name I just call him the Indian pickup artist I've been sleeping on these clips for so long but I feel like all the men out there and the women possibly two are gonna be really inspired by what you're about to see don't worry i'm exo's this piece is [ __ ] awesome go back to what I did there go back over to the very beginning don't worry about it so first of all let's appreciate his editing here and like I don't know where the necklace routine nice little blur on the text can I pretend to smoke on those cigarettes Austin it's just it's a carrot on top just be clear do you get this fake cigarettes it's Hollywood you can get whatever you want it's Hollywood boy including syphilis all right everyone comes pre-loaded a pre-loaded and I get a pack of Camel crush and one syphilis please spits in your eye thanks man what do I owe you it's free it's on me you look like a bug chaser me not you oh I got bucks if you want cuz i am i got it i got the knitting bug real bad which one knitting bug biddy yeah I love the net are you serious what is that when the [ __ ] did any knitters in this [ __ ] man we got a knitter here is that is that Logan Palmer so looks like uh it looks like a what do you call maverick do you pave your own path bat I would never want my Jake Palmer tonight I didn't know how I would go over that's pretty funny how we take it from you what yeah no you know I have more do you think I would give you all my Jake Palmer are you kidding me dude what do you knit Osgood what what do you knit gloves mittens work can you make me a pair really what how can you make me a pair sure feel like that has resale value vodka loves knitted by post Malone will sell like ten each one for my going price is 40,000 I'm on Etsy you can find me Malone knits bro you would sell those you would [ __ ] sell those for sure yeah all right we'll talk so anyway that's very grandma of you let's continue something I learned from a woman who did this on me works like a charm so most women will be building a neckpiece or something like a necklace or something I have to appreciate this guy's commitment cuz he set up this presentation for all these guys who paid he's like most women would be wearing a necklace this one that I happened to have the pre-planned is not wearing a necklace we're gonna improvise every woman is gonna wear a necklace yeah so which kind of invalidates this whole point if the woman in your own presentation isn't wearing a necklace one of three woman wears a necklace you gotta have a slick repertoire anyway this gets good it's gonna get out get out your notepads everybody gentlemen watch close don't worry I'm not checking your boobs but this piece is [ __ ] awesome bro don't worry I'm not checking out your boobs but this piece is [ __ ] awesome now like why my question was like why well here listen listen to his rash I'm getting ahead of myself do you see what I did there so I injected the sexual terms I start talking about boobs and all but I didn't stress on boobs I stretched on this piece it's [ __ ] awesome by the time I moved back by the time I love that he has a tease sister I wonder what the acronyms spells like stands for implication get him out on the back the only thing that so what basically he's saying his point here is that if you can distract them and say boobs somehow that's gonna help you seal the deal there's like you say boobs but you divert their attention and say necklace so they remember that you said necklace but not boobs and somehow the fact that you whispered boobs in their here is that makes them more likely to sleep that's killer gonna be register in their mind as [ __ ] awesome [ __ ] logo and say everybody I'm gonna check in your boobs this piece is broken awesome oh yeah what did register with you this time [ __ ] boobs right but at the same time what I'm doing is am I'm gradually you know leading her into that hole I'm gradually building the sexual comfort you know I played this part of Don Juan and he said this that what he enjoyed with women was like he would go to women and these women would hesitate and he would lie he loved the whole process where he would lead women inch-by-inch to where he want them to be and the place where they didn't want to be and that causes he enjoyed what do you think is my inch to brush what do you think she got a Craigslist do you think maybe she's like wow I wanna [ __ ] you right now or well actually there's a video I don't have where he like he's like so dude do you think this worked and she's like well it doesn't really make sense he's like well with all due respect I'm gonna disagree with you disagree with the girl he's like listen guys this [ __ ] works don't listen to her listen to me well anyway listen I respond your opinion illa but you really don't know you're here this is how y'all met yo the joke I had for the h3 video which we never end up making it's one of those video you record and you throw it out because it sucks but this joke we had was pretty good he was wearing like a cool belt and I was like I'm not checking out your vagina but this belt is [ __ ] off the chain so the more but anyway there's another one so you start with this one you say boobs in front of them that apparently enchants them to want to get weird and wild just create some new STDs together that was the T and T's the T is for touching a woman same thing with the hair there you go touching a woman's hands number one what's the e for figure it out I just get an erection erection its first you touch your hair then you just go full-blown ur ass and it works every but don't worry I'm not touching you I'm not looking at your boobs but I do have an erection and that's the e that's the E is syphilis and the E is escape or emergency the a is for a quick game for a kiss anyone want a quick game for a quick kiss [Applause] madam applause you guys are great what a great audience I changed my mind about you guys you guys are great audience say you can't go back and forth between myth and crowd you guys are it's quiet quick up here so this is this is when he really went to Mir I'm just gonna skip to then cuz he has this killer line but you know what you know what I'm not gonna shortchange you guys it's fifty seconds let's watch the whole damn thing thank you playing with the hearing audience that's level two you one thing never do this I love your hair good obscene guy dude especially if he has hair tied up men will go okay I love your hair but why do you just do it like how bad at social interact like you're paying someone to tell you like okay don't do this I'm sorry but I mean I'm we're already married so like you're to get out of this relationship is gonna be more effort than it's worth you at this point I got it locked in guys divorce is a [ __ ] trust me yeah it's just cheaper I gotta hedge their bets anyway like how how are you sotius cuz that you need to pay someone to tell you not to grab somebody Barry is the answer really bad it's way to a real carrot nope had a couple too many whiskey's you know it was a long night couple too many whiskey's or too many beers all of a sudden thank you Mary kara goddamn it how's the salt oh wow this one's much better thanks EULA you're the best where were we I'm trying to figure my [ __ ] out yours is cool I like yours you can handle my first reaction to speak is not like leaning forward should we all hold it should we just go handheld you just hold each other's mics I feel like this maybe this is probably funnier in theory than Oh give it up it's too much effort I hate to keep you guys waiting or waiting this is gonna get I'm gonna notice her hair's really nice so I'm just talking wow you got really nice here works every time I'm not gonna go pull her hair I'm not gonna go and say oh I like your hair it's really nice none of that [ __ ] okay by the way what you're doing is it is pretty much just as creepy as all the other [ __ ] like don't do this just do this thank you for Ferb modeling I uh I'm going easy on you anyway the great line is coming up right here wow they're really nice here sometimes have you been open and women right here I'm just gonna display tear it you got really nice [ __ ] hair with that good you've got some really nice [ __ ] hair and I love the cursing the unnecessary cursing just to let him know you're a little that's how you know what if it's like a good clean Christian girl that's never gonna work well you know he's got the skulls on his sweater he's a bad boy he could tell he's a bad boy a threat so you know it good Christian girls are his target Demoman it's true so up next now he goes out on the street and shows you real live footage of him picking up cuties and he swap follows this girl round for like an hour as he brings her back to his motel and there's one scene from here that I thought was particularly compelling and I think you're all gonna learn a lot from it so go ahead and play this you guys get out your notepads and the ocean is the raging fortune that's the audio that's his audio in the video I'm just want to say how much different he looks without a beanie I know and it all came apart not the same [ __ ] dude what you couldn't tell underneath the skull sweatshirt is he looks ripped he's got a nice bod he's got a great nice flowing head of hair but then you get this this is this is what you get for the class you've got some really nice [ __ ] hair thanks how do you how did you feel about that so anyway let me turn I just I wanted you guys to appreciate the production value of these videos click here to what did I say at the bottom was that's what we're doing on the street instant find out how I buck this hot [ __ ] and you're just a loser you should give me money someone paid a hundred dollars tell you I gotta [ __ ] do this god I need to start doing pickup seminars man you could sell those guys big connect coins for sure you could sell them lioness cars good lioness oh man these are the best so speaking with the office is a running theme in this episode there's another pickup artist do you guys know who Catherine Tate is she was in the office she's an English comedian so this [ __ ] genius saw her in Starbucks and he's like I need to be alive pickup session of Catherine Tate and film it without a permission and put it on YouTube this guy [ __ ] you know this guy knows how to touch here take the famous comedian from the UK in the coffee shop just behind me it was pret I'm on Jamie and Edward getting some coffees for ourselves basically what happened ed noticed her and just for a laugh I decided to approach and try and pick her up it was a lot of fun it was very spontaneous she was a cool person we had a good laugh what you see on camera in her in her comedy is kind of what you get in real life she's like a nice fun bubbly person sorry sorry excuse me too loud I just wanted to come and say hi because you're really cute wrong with this guy walking around with a hidden camera he's like I'm ready to go I'm ready to film anyone without their permission at anytime whenever he started a video he was across the street like you had like binoculars she comes here around 1:00 p.m. every bucket they just spotted Katherine tape got my hidden cam set up I'm a spinner I give her syphilis that way we'll be connected say no then cup of water prank yeah [ __ ] here at my dudes this Mike's got a smell I wish y'all could smell this no 9:30 wait what time's the show in wait what times is showing do we have 7 minutes left what oh no there's no way how the [ __ ] that we can do our can we do it longer they have another show booked oh there's another show we could just see what happens they're probably not gonna want us back you guys can do it at my house Oh God you just go in the middle of the street continue this [ __ ] I can't believe we only have [ __ ] six minutes left what a bummer dude well [ __ ] this guy this guy's not worthy of our last six minutes pull up the bit connect in Samba oh man I had I had such good man I had a [ __ ] video of a beauty vlogger who gets semen well I just want you guys to know what you're missing she had she's a beauty vlogger who gets semen from her friend not even her lover and she applies it to her face as a moisturizer she's like Ikes this semen was not extracted by me and then she has another video where she drinks it as a [ __ ] redbull what a killed man you got really nice [ __ ] skin good you got some really nice [ __ ] semen let's watch this I can't believe we run out of time let's watch the in Samba these guys are great right there so these this really needs no introduction I just want to give a shout out to what is what's the name of their Channel [Music] this is why music was invented feel like it's a sport like a Disney it's built it's powerful we need Carlos has so much potential man where is he come back Carlos we miss you [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] I would watch a whole animated series of this man yeah alright well can't without time for the semen gags this was by to set violin everybody at home is Jetta so we can't without time for the semen gags we don't have time we have h three deep fakes maybe we've got time for that pull that up you guys thought that deep thing you don't know who this is this is agent y'all I look like Nicolas Cage whoa what a coincidence it's like they put his face on me you guys have heard of deep fakes where they put like my face on porn stars so they can get off to me because I never do nudes it's the only way after that yeah so now you can FAP to me guys congratulations I in the face got him now show us these really big luscious beautiful dsl lips and if you take a look at this picture you notice there I'm very red very very pink and now it's healthier to the logo of Verizon showing me no actually before he was Nicolas Cage's face I mean he was the general counsel you get the idea all right so before we end we have a special bit a special act somebody wants to come up here and say a couple words her route are you out there my doggy is there her route out there where is he oh here he comes her Oh [Applause] hello hey nice to see you buddy thank you go ahead oh thanks man I love you too appreciate you a nice hat by the way oh no it's gonna turn into a [ __ ] pitch to bring you guys a historic I'm actually here I wanted to go ahead and thank you very much of course Wow what's her name Anna come up here goddamn it Anna Anna get the hell up here goddamn it get up here hey Anna how are you nice to see you so I just wanted to go ahead and do this I love you a lot and you know this and I'd rather spend the rest of my life with you then doing anything else and I want you to be my wife oh wow [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] god bless him I was wonderful good we originally planning to do a call and good thing we didn't do that congratulations you guys [ __ ] hip nationhood and guys just to keep the hype going we need to keep the energies high people have always told me I look like Oprah so I thought hey I've got an opportunity for everybody to look under your seats what everybody look under your seats there's something there oh my god I'm Oprah oh that feels good that feels good guys thank you everybody for coming out that went by so friggin fast thank you all so much y'all means so much to us well blown away that went by so fast man [ __ ] you look good in that beanie dude look at this unreleased orange beanie um by the way the hats were just for the bit you guys are gonna have to drop those out and I've been on the way out and if anybody took to nobody I'm gonna shame them like Ellen Ellen guys really especially this guy with the hat wearing hat I wanted to say thank you to our crew Alex our wonderful editor in the internal intern Sarah our life switching badass of course Dan our producer without whom none of this would be possible love you guys thank you to post Malone the greatest [ __ ] guy ever thank you most of all like you're the best dog I love you always ride or die and of course we're mighty luck liners out there Wow without without ela none of this would have been possible cuz I would have never made a single [ __ ] video and guys I just I can't thank you guys enough no yeah everyone's like no huh and guys you've been a terrific crowd you've been a tough crowd you've been a terrific crowd we've had our ups and downs our dead air and our great here um yeah this was so much fun man I just [ __ ] sad to say goodbye so soon we want to do it every month yeah [ __ ] yeah love it our plan is to do one every month I think next time we'll try to get a couple more seats so we got some more yulik liners in here and maybe a couple more [ __ ] hours as well yeah just went by way too fast guys bands are always so awkward I never know how to finish it yeah all right bye everybody just yes we have I don't know that it was advertised well but we have some exclusive merch only available to the live audience which looks very cool it the booth is outside do we have a picture of the shirt or something that we can show it's [ __ ] dope and we have posters that we signed as well outside so no I don't have that that's gonna cost you more than ten bucks December 1st of next year so by that merch as they say I don't know guys thank you for coming out here man it means the world we love you guys this is [ __ ] unreal this is crazy thank you guys I guess that's it [Music]

Channel: H3 Podcast

Views: 1,741,775

Rating: 4.9189553 out of 5

Keywords: post malone, post, malone, h3h3 podcast, podcast, h3 podcast, h3, h3h3, ethan and hila, live, hollywood improv, improv, live from the improv

Id: CU8q0rX0Y-Y

Length: 82min 7sec (4927 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 15 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/I_BROUGHT_SNACKS]

Can’t believe that dude got fired 2 times in one night

[u/aReasson]

Yeah it was a little awkward, but keep in mind it’s their first go at this. I feel like it has the potential to get really good just like the actual studio podcast. However, I don’t think that they should treat it as if it were a studio podcast. They have a live audience and I think that there needs to be a little more interaction or just different things than just watching videos and laughing at them. Hopefully they do shows in different cities. I would love for them to hit up Houston or Austin :)

[u/janoDX]

This was good, goofing around, having a good time, Hila being awkward.

It was magic.

[u/[deleted]]

LOL that fucking hat bit. Everyone waving it around and shit it looked like a tv skit lmao

[u/[deleted]]

For the record, me and my brother were there and we had a great time. It was their first time recording in front of a live audience so of course there will a couple issues. But neither me or my brother cared about that at all, just the atmosphere and being there in person was such a treat. And we got free hats! Such a good night. Would absolutely go again if I get the chance.

[u/atwiMISS-GERIATRIX]

One of my favourite eps yet. Some people on this sub are so quick to call cringe when it gets the tiniest bit awkward. It’s their first live show, I thought it was great

[u/RerPip]

Hila "Hahaahhh" Klein

[u/gooberrygumdrops]

Great episode! A change of scenery was very nice.

[u/ThatGuyWithaReason]

Still watching it, I think if you guys can get a couch or something make it more relaxing all you mother f look so tense. Like you don't have to face the audience you guys are just looking at each other through the table anyways. it looks like a bloody press conference. If you all just treat it like a regular podcast expect you know you have an actual live audience. It would of been less awkward, and alot smoother.