Ep. 30 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

alright here's a quick question which of my online searches does the government have a right to know about it's not quicksand porn no not Asian stop motion porn no no I'm not nipples that are prosthetic Li put on your breasts that you can penetrate no no nobody has a right to that I mean if you have expressvpn then you're in good luck is without expressvpn hackers governments ad companies ISPs all have full access to your data I don't want them using my web history or video searches against me and I got to tell you they're way worse than what we just divulged they're terrible and that's why I Hughes expressvpn every time I go online it encrypts and reroutes your web traffic to a number of countries keeping you safer and secure you simply download expressvpn click to connect and boom your protected expression TPM is the fastest VPN cost less than seven dollars per month and comes with a 30-day money-back guarantee it's time to stop governments and Internet companies from keeping tabs on your data I [ __ ] love that take back your privacy online with expressvpn protect protect your online activity today and find out how you can save three months free at expressvpn comm slash cave that's expr ESS VPN comm slash cave for three months free and a one-year package visit expressvpn dot-com slash cave to learn more to show please tell me to be start yep are you guys ready yeah we're ready now what happened what'd you do it was awesome it was awesome we did this thing where it's like imagine if you're both sitting in a chair okay so imagine you're both sitting in chair so these are like right but then you do this or like this this that's how you had sex less yeah and it was and you could it was awesome it was awesome a she's skinny now she's always been skinny she's always been attractive or we were recording now good so glad she's skinny now it's so so like her body looks awesome oh [ __ ] great she did like some sideways sideways sidesaddle Australia every new Accord man [ __ ] do you record and no she would never [ __ ] let me record it dude just you know you should do oh I should go back in time and record it when we were both [ __ ] hot no just [ __ ] start mount like hiding cameras in the room and then then what you do is you pull the footage and then one night when you're like what do you feel like watching you just pull it up you know you're so funny watch her cry I took pictures I would take pictures I was back before you could they wouldn't say hey someone screen grabbed your FaceTime call they now they tell you yeah I would take pictures just FaceTime calls me she was naked and then I just had him all on my phone and the girls saw them and they're like why is mom naked and eyeless lands like what the [ __ ] the dude I had so many back in the day when we used to do those vivid video and like it was like when I was married but I didn't know I was married married you know yeah like I was like I get stuck at the Playboy Mansion and could be run naked jokes and pictures yeah now I'd still do it by the way but I remember taking a picture with one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my entire life we're at the Playboy they had a playboy mansion in Malibu like another property another property it was a beach house and they were like hey it's like [ __ ] 3 grand for the day you just got to go and be funny on camera and I was like huh and they're like little John's there it's just it's like they're just shooting videos and so I just went up and all I had to do was drink I think Adam hunter was there like like that that movie you know when I said I'm a hunter you know what comics were like Ben Gleib was there like it was like hooked in through that scene and they were like / you wanna do it I'm like [ __ ] yeah dude the most beautiful the most beautiful chick to this I mean like I want I would love to see what she looks like now cuz you know it's not gonna be the same but like and she I was like hey you want to get a picture and she was like yeah and she just top off just ha and that was my iCloud forever like it would come up in George and I'll ago I his dad's girlfriend as a joke yeah and but then people would hear that and be like oh dad's really got a girlfriend so I realized why I pinpointed why I don't cheat on the end why on the car ride over you just realized it on the car ride over cuz yeah because I've been like I've never cheated on her yeah and I've always been respectful of our relationship which is not the case in any of my past relationships you've never been respectful of them I've cheated on [ __ ] everybody how come saying care about them why do you think okay so why do you what did you pinpoint on your way over last week we were talking about commencement speeches right before the show we should do something about commencement speeches yeah so I was like pinpointing like what would I highlight to a college graduate on how to live your life like if you're starting from this point what are my key tenants like the the pillars that I hang my hat on right yeah so I number one was humility like that but that's not me my dad put that in me so I think it's good you're like I'm the [ __ ] best I'm the best comic I know I'm the greatest I know I'm dope I'm [ __ ] awesome you're not you're just not that's the truth if you have to say it out loud to yourself and to other people you're actually not usually we say it to you right like a lot of people have said it to Bill burr how often do you think Bill burr is like man I know I'm the greatest I'm oh yeah shuts down yeah he goes hey please don't say that I'm not he becomes a dick yeah he actually be a little aggressive Ray's go tell Rogan he's the best hey sit down Chappelle and tell him how he's the goat you ruin the conversation so humility is number one right the second one was uh roll the dice I love rolling the dice I love the idea of like [ __ ] it let's get in the car see what happens I mean my whole career has been like bad ideas turning out into good things fat shaming I don't think either of us saw that going well now Yeah right [ __ ] everything I've ever done with you I don't think you do you know how many times I've laid in bed going I think I ruined my career like so rocktober do you remember the [ __ ] do you remember when we got in the car to go to your house and you're like so if we gonna [ __ ] do this like and I was like I remember going I think I just ruined my career guys I think no one can see me drink anymore and see in a fun way I mean everything roll the dice right right and then last and this comes to why I don't cheat only in yeah be selfish be selfish be selfish like be very selfish like only think about yourself and what make that's your advice that's my advice okay only think about yourself and what makes you happy huh and if you do that then you're gonna be happy and that's all the [ __ ] matters that you die on your deathbed happy now for me selfishly uh-huh what makes me happy as LeeAnn like I love her so I don't cheat on her because I need that [ __ ] you know what I mean oh I got you like okay it's just is a weird it's like it's fun because what you said I see it now it's so funny the way people need to connect the dots when you speak so like what you said was be selfish and it's like that doesn't make sense but then once you go on the roller coaster at the end you're like but being selfish me making my wife happy it's not about making her out making you happy which is making you happy and to be for you to be happy she needs to be around and in a good mood or just around just around just around like oh you wouldn't be around if you were cheating therefore don't cheat on like the majority of people don't say the n-word not because they care about black people they don't want to get beat up or fired okay that's selfish you find selfish reasons to persevere now I think that's true I don't know but that's my theory hey I can barely hear myself in there Nadav but like that's the way if you live life selfishly like going hey man I gotta think about myself first yeah I'm on this bus I'm not gonna start toting off my theories on on Latino women and their hairstyles like look [ __ ] selfishly go I don't wanna get my ass kicked I'm gonna [ __ ] shut my [ __ ] mouth yeah and that's why I don't cheat on the end I'm selfish making any sense it's made a lot of sense like think about what percentage of white people do you think don't say the n-word simply because they're like I get a lot of trouble huh probably 80% is this a bad way to start the show seven minutes in now this is great no but I mean I think they're selfish no I know what you're saying selfish is big okay like look at I'll tell you who [ __ ] broke this broke the back for me right remember we were talking about island before this yeah and and I go god damn it man her [ __ ] brain [ __ ] me up because she'll say things and like and you'll just go what so she's having a really hard time waking up like I mean like like next level thank you it's like [ __ ] 3:00 in the afternoon and she's still not awake what dude this kid is initial wake up and they moved to the couch you fall asleep on a dog and it's like she just cannot wake up but then she's up until like 2:00 in the [ __ ] morning well isn't that part of it it is part of it but her energy level at ten o'clock is through the [ __ ] roof so I showed this video of Jocko will mink did you know that car will Nick yeah yeah jackal will Nick and Casey nice tat it's a really great video can we play that without getting flagged okay so it's a really great video it's on Casey's podcast ORS vlog where they talk about life and how to how to live life and Jocko says get up I'm gonna I'm really paraphrasing but I know the part that's important get up make your pet get up make your pet all those military all those military guys get up make your bed once you've gotten out and made your bed you've accomplished a task you have you have conquered a battlefield one battlefield down next battlefield to go get up work out go work out once you've worked out you've accomplished another battlefield take that battlefield down there you've got two goals two victories in your day so once you start piling up victories then when you get to places where it's a smaller victory like you go in and there's a donut in the break room and everyone's like Jack who you want a donut I can go no no I'm building up victories I don't need a donut yeah an island just hit stop on the [ __ ] thing he goes would you ever be friends with a guy who says no to a donut I'm like no I wouldn't and then she says to me why are we watching this and I said we mean and she goes Ted this is stuff he likes like this isn't what we like like if you made a video would you get up and make your bed I go no she was you don't make your bed I know you know I don't I don't give a [ __ ] of my beds made yeah she was so then why do you care if he does she goes this is [ __ ] he likes so then you start looking at it you're like Oh Jack O's telling you how to he lives his life right and if you want to be a Navy SEAL or you didn't make the seals and you want to emulate a seal do that but if you're a [ __ ] half alcoholic stand-up comedian why the [ __ ] am i watching this why am i showing it to you you're the person who watch the usual suspects and just don't watch gold watch gold watch the whole [ __ ] movie and solved it before the movie was over and I was like see though so it was like an epiphany of like selfishness find out this [ __ ] that you like and then just fill your [ __ ] with that stuff yes listen dude like you go back to like those racist people those racist people which it likes the ones that take care of tiki torches and stuff yeah they feel good when they're racist yeah that's what they [ __ ] do so let them know I mean well yeah you're gonna stop them right like it's like same as people to cheat on their wife they're gonna do it cuz that makes them feel good good yeah yeah yeah find this [ __ ] that makes you feel good just that listen but could there be a commencement speech angle where you go if being racist makes you feel good do that mmm that would be a tough sell okay I can see okay now I understand what your boiler might have the flaw in my theory you're right you're right you're right you're right okay this isn't the best commencing do whatever make you feel some kids in there is Kappa younger I love raping [ __ ] that's like my thing man I'm so good at it I haven't gotten tagged yet and then he gets arrested he's like I saw Bert Kreischer speech my friend firebomb the [ __ ] Cathedral okay this is horrible it's actually really good it works for me actually this is one of my favorite segments you've ever done but no bhai who's like obsessed with the fact that I just do [ __ ] like stand-up and you I know you'll grip this neither of us give a [ __ ] about the money because we did it selfishly it made us feel good to make people laugh before the money to use a quote from you a hundred percent you touched your nose on drippers that's exactly the truth because you did you do stand like if you want to get in the stamp you do stand-up and you go like it it doesn't matter where I live or what I end up having to deal with you like that more than anything yeah you just stay with it yeah I'd love if you would not found' push in your life and you have found some other chick who was like that's stupid that's stupid should be in a [ __ ] ditch right right and that selfish look and that selfishness worked out for you when I met LeeAnn secure stand-up that's cool and then she supported it look look we know that lands live a very selfless life yeah she's [ __ ] raised two kids by herself raised three dogs I'm in there at all I barely showed up three chickens a cat [ __ ] you wanna know something two kids buyers who know something crazy yeah she said for the she said you have never helped us move and I went we moved I was like oh I've never been there I've never once but it you know the things we think of we talked about this a lot like she really truly fully accepts you yeah I never really accept like it because whatever is broken in her that makes her feel good at the end of the day yeah for whatever it lines up it lines that's selfish if it didn't make her feel good she [ __ ] balance that's right and if the second and I hate to say it this way but the second that I believe it's called recreating the trauma I'll take it yes but like but like I I was obsessed with look I think of you taking me that's come in the I love it you can like I was dead set on this being a brilliant theory about selfishness and then till you're like yeah what if you like would it be like pipe bombs you're like I love making and distributing anonymously pipe bombs and if they find their way into a mosque people these all I know I am a my favorite thing building stuff less Muslims obviously I'm very hopeful what like horrible crimes kept happening in there like and then he cited Bert Kreischer like the new mind cop all it takes is one guy to commit something absolutely horrible with a subtle sense of humor where is like got a lot of these ideas or two bears one cave haha mainly Bert Kreischer I would ruin my career oh my god my struggle blueprint for a better world for everyone like me oh those are my teeth that's your mouth oh yeah but it just has a different facial hairan see the beard the beard kind of gone yeah it was made by the hairy artist the hairy artists oh by the way the oh I did a lets Craig publishing would I do a live stream or something it's really good I did a live stream or something I forget what it was and it was always just racist comments from our fans yeah and I was like I was like hey guys I was like hey can you guys please tone these down to a ditch and they were like oh okay and so then they just slowed it down and they're like he's kind of racist by the way I have to say this allowed one more time I'm not racist okay okay Jesus [ __ ] Christ like this is going to become a problem at some point you're not racist and I know that now all right let's pivot wait two maybe two comments because we're talking about things people say so I know that they they pulled some YouTube comments let's see what they are I know that uh yeah here we go all right so Dillingham ur boy 25 wrote Tom is the psycho champ for suggesting to his friend to just cut off the finger instead of wrapping it up good I thought of that so much you know why cuz I was watching and I felt network so it was ronnie Lott and you remember Ronnie law yeah yeah but it all put me back in and I was like I almost guarantee you can tether the two mentalities of Tom being just a little bit ronnie Lott in the dorm room like [ __ ] cutter mom get him back in the game yeah yeah how much like this isn't the first time he's worn black latex gloves if you know what I mean oh that was when we were eating our pork rinds none of this ever of you just going I'm done the show's over oh my god I had to it aggressively and who who was like not bothered at all was a Potter that he was like he was like yeah this is a no Reno porn stars [ __ ] tastes like the death ride I bet like his standard for what tastes [ __ ] up is way different than ours we should do a blind taste that's with Potter oh yeah um Davidge right before I fingered Leon last night she goes she goes real quick what did we for dinner and I was like huh she's like did you have hot sauce today and I went nope she's like all right go ahead go ahead you go in the comments these are good comments oh the back line no backlash from the a people none well I didn't look that hard burnished really one of a kind yeah yeah by the way I am I have to apologize to all those people really struggling with addiction I understand that my comments can be a tad bit flippant and destructive so I wait what got you here cuz I'm blown away that you recognize this so I I keep I do the I keep track of my sober days not in a row but my sober days on this app it's a really cool app try me it's super it's not if you're me and you're just using it to subtract days it's called I am so / it's pretty interesting and yet yesterday I found not yesterday a couple days ago and then last night I read them if you touch it you can hear people's stories like you can like people share their stories of like why they're sober what they're doing to be sober very few people are like I just wanna lose weight you know most people have real tragedy in their lives most people aren't like yeah when I get sober cuz he's 15 pounds you just killed me I couldn't find one in there going I just want to get back to a seven-minute mile and they're really rough it's like here I am going guys and for the record every single one of them was like I tried moderation ten days later I'm sucking some dude's dick behind a dumpster yeah like and like any day all spiral out so I feel like if if you aren't trying to get sober do not [ __ ] listen to me yeah whatever the [ __ ] wrong with me is wrong with me and I got it yeah yeah but like I feel bad cuz I was reading some stories going like oh I didn't know you could I don't know like people like I just I don't sign into the app I just use it to count the days which by the way I think we're at 58 hey Lucy a days not a rout not not a row not 58 okay we're one month 27 days 23 hours so we're about roughly 59 days okay we had a little bit of a bender this weekend but passed over the weekend what happened the wheels came off really oh yeah Tito's oh yeah Tito's drove down drove the girls me and the girls drove down to the Bailleul evidence and the bioluminesce bio bio a luminescent algae uh-huh down to the beach uh-huh I was like we were having few pops I was like nice it was just me really just me drinking and I was like let's go down to the beach and the girls were like it's gonna be crowded they go well let's wait till like 11:30 12:00 o'clock no one will be there drove down which Beach Marina del Rey uh-huh packed at midnight big worse than in the summer at the beach it was [ __ ] packed packed and so we walked away from everyone to go see it saw for a second I know and either was freaked out so we drunk though driving no no she doesn't drink yeah and so uh but yeah I had a fun I had a fun little weekend and so then I got back on the wagon Sunday and I was like and I was like god dammit and I understood all the things people go of like you know like days drinking back-to-back and you're just like you're like god damn it man I gotta get back on the wagon yeah so so I was last night on Mike I feel great I feel great I see it back into my mindset so I go scroll through the comments and a lot of these people have enrolled yeah like it's like a lot of people are like losing their families and I didn't realize how qahal does that bad of stuff like yeah we like for me it just works okay like it like it I'm okay what and whatever not health-wise I'm not probably but like yeah fat but you know so you look good though I feel great man I look good you know it's because I am I'm in control of everything right now and so like everything's super manageable in my life what do you think's gonna happen I have no I just rated part like when they were like like a few weeks ago they go I think you'll be able to do shows in July and even then I was like I don't think so and then they then they talked about the fall stuff they're like well you got stuff for the fall and then I would go I don't know if the fall is gonna happen now they're talking about then I had a conversation they're like well I don't know if the january/february stuff's gonna happen I was like damn that's that's more like that's what they said to me they're like they're like you know if you want to be a hundred percent let's book it in May and I went well we're in May and they're like yeah next May and I but but I think that is for bigger yeah we get it in the daav it's like we're doing a read is a guys there's a comment right here through the comments right here yeah we're in the middle of talking about something give us a sec by the way I just saw a movie about him about a job yes let's go Orthodox on yeah that is upbringing yeah yeah how is it not a kind representation of the chosen people now is it rough it is super aggressive like you don't you do not I mean you make sense why why most Jewish people aren't worth a talks like it just is a really kind of ridiculous way to live your life I mean it's it is a cult it is a legit occult no it is legit occult like if you try to leave they [ __ ] bring you they're aggressive it's not I mean no one can watch on Orthodox and go no man a lot of love they make a lot of sense like this poor girl has a [ __ ] rough run it and they these two [ __ ] guys chase renowned Jews yeah I know what Ari like you can't if you're a woman you can't I don't want to do any of this thing because it's a lot of always act like a lot of always new special is what you watching this and the joke sorry makes you're like oh this would have been an amazing [ __ ] special yeah because it is like I hope he still does it because it is mind-blowing it is no there's and then you start going all religions or cults I guess ultimately all religions or cults like you can't you can't go like what if it brings you solace is Scientology will you talk to Lear enemy she's like no it's a cult and then you talk to like re and he's like no it's a cult like they're both [ __ ] it's just extremes of cults yeah yeah and luckily no Orthodox Jews people watch this so hopefully I don't know I've never heard of your family watch this there we go would you would you watch this the show to watch unorthodox yeah no just not interested I'm not interested in any type of Jewish content content though you said so how do you enjoy Hollywood movies about Jews okay there's another comment from Amy Schumer's Jewish yeah Jonathan coughs I love how bad of an influence Tom mr. Burt you should totally start dipping dude they're coming out with real scientific studies that that tobacco is good for the coronavirus let's why don't we look into it dude I keep looking into it and it's like what's happening is everyone's saying it's smoking cuz [ __ ] no one grew up in the south yeah and so they're like they're not taking the alternate oh that's why in the dog Nadav you are the [ __ ] worse with surprises you're like a [ __ ] child get to the dippin get to the tipping let me see a scroll classic long cut right there right there okay thanks [Music] a lot of [ __ ] let me tell you something you want to see someone who really [ __ ] chews tobacco cut it with my fingernail that's right dude that's you did not I mean this seems like you've been doing this Oh bro I've been waiting for this by the way my fingernails not sharp enough you want a key no thanks man we're not dipping or you can't dip all right I'll start immediately for the right no no no no I cannot put this in my mouth yeah I will start immediately yes I will start immediately for the rest of my own exist a cut No Hey I will start immediately for the rest of my life you know what we have yeah yeah we have pouches - you wanna do pouches instead pouches are not as strong let's do the pouch mmm I've told myself if dude this is the beginning of the end for me come on man you know what's funny as soon as I even saw these my my stomach started tingling like hey you're gonna take a [ __ ] pretty soon if you uh right smell does that make you [ __ ] like a great conversation does it smell like does it make you [ __ ] like when you when you would throw a dip in didn't you have to take it down oh no I have so so I was talking with Mike Birbiglia did his tip the waitstaff show yeah and he was talking about smells he was talking about smells that trigger different things and like and I was like I was like man smells so [ __ ] good take a dip I can't come on couch wanna do a pouch instead no I can't I really it's not as strong no I really honestly can't because I will I mean your honor if you will beat the coronavirus do it if they said if you if you can say that this will protect you from Corona I'm back I'm back a hundred percent but I'm back for the rest of my [ __ ] life like I'm not I'm never quitting I dude it is so hard to quit this [ __ ] like oh you you never been addicted to this I was doing it like pretty regularly I was like like did you have to quit I did have to quit yes and I did have I did have some withdrawals from it yeah I did who'd I had the hardest time quitting this I had the hardest let's make it a new challenge I had the hardest let's do this let's just let's try to do it well of see what it's like to pack a dip and just see oh my god yeah I feel like I'm like putting on a condom like just do it really I really can't I'll start up immediately and I'm not the guy with the best mouth right now oh [ __ ] that smells so good you just wonder if you want to just like it do you want just a pouch instead [ __ ] what's a little milder you know father a pouch it might be a good way to get started again you know by the way if you dipped if you dip growing up and you stopped wait when did you quit when did you quit so I chewed I dipped all through college yeah and when I moved to New York I couldn't oh these are pouches yeah wintergreen is so good wait and see what we got let me just pouches pouches spearmint I'm seeing like a real love for this stuff Oh extra mint lime cut it's like a kid with a collectible oh this was this was the limited-edition one I remember when they came out with cherry dip I remember we wait tell me you dipped everyday in college and then every day probably four or five times right and then you got to New York and what happened I smoked I smoked and dipped I smoked and dipped all through high school and college you were smoker yeah smart love dude there's no cigarette and booze there's no better taste than a match and the first draw of a cigarette yeah especially when you've packed the pack it's you got a little extra let's do it let's do sick let's smoke cigarettes you still smoke cigarettes no I know ones last time you had a cigarette 11 years ago no oh yeah no hand on my kid are you serious yeah 11 years ago there's less I my cigarette even a drag off a cigarette well I remember you being a smoker yeah no here's the deal I smoked in and chewed all through all through high school but not like a ton and then in college it was pretty aggressive freshman sophomore junior freshman sophomore sophomore junior you list two sophomore year yeah yeah yeah yeah I had two sophomore to junior to seniors what did we have one freshman of course and so 2nd June first junior I come back from Russia and and I can't did anything happen in Russia is there a story you could tell and so the you know same same and so so God there was no better feeling than having a soda wait but wait when you get back I want to know you go to New York how hard it like what makes you not quit well thanks you couldn't find it and I I mean I don't know how to find it there no I couldn't find anywhere and no one will understand that feeling only someone who is really addicted to chewing tobacco knows this feeling of being in a place where they're not they don't sell it and going everywhere like everywhere like it's a real panic I remember when we were touring together we mean you were working at Brea with what we used to tour the graphic I mean and then and and he went on stage I was featuring you were hosting it was the three of us and I said I'll be right back I'm gonna go to did a dip this is Umbria achoo I got back hooked on it with chewing tobacco [ __ ] red man golden blend really dude I was [ __ ] around one night I was driving down sunset and I was not drinking at the time I did like a eight month stretch of not drinking right after Lee and dumped me and I got her back yeah and so I was driving down Sunset and I just felt like an empty feeling and I pulled into Rite Aid and I was like I should go in and I'll see what you know give it like a soda or something and I saw red man and I went you know what like in a weird way like I've done this before like with like black and Miles where I go I'm empty right now I'm gonna get a black a mild I'm gonna get a Swisher sweet yeah let's smoke it in the parking lot like just little things like that I go I'm gonna get some red man golden blonde and I put it in in I had an I had an expedition at the time and I'm driving down sunset i put it in i get a spit cup and it was it was singularly the greatest feeling I've ever had from a drug or alcohol or anything that first chew yeah I went holy [ __ ] this feels good I went back to my apartment I took it out I was sitting down watching TV and I put another one in and then I went god damn it man it did it again I wouldn't play golf with Gary Valentine the next day and I put one in on the ride to the golf course took it out put one in on the golf course front nine check it out put one in the golf course back nine took it out and I was like oh I think I'm [ __ ] hooked and it wasn't until we had we were pregnant with Georgia we had just got married we're driving to our honeymoon and I put one in the car and I was like when I said to Lee and I was like this isn't bringing giving me the same joy she maybe need to quit for a while and I was like yeah and then I was like you know what I'm having a kid I'm gonna quit totally and I haven't had one since that Drive and I said to myself if I ever start again commit to mouth cancer cuz I will not quit yeah commit to mouth cancer that's gonna happen you know I'm not the best with I gene yeah and so and but I'll tell you man the smell of it it smells so [ __ ] good what did we do a challenge okay dip [ __ ] pouches dip every day for a month bandits I remember when they came out with bandits every day I was like the I remember I was like it like it must have been like I was probably ten or seven when school bandits came home because I remember hearing people having bandits at the Bucs games yeah so why don't you dip for a month and then make it a part of a challenge to see if you can quit you know I mean like challenge yourself like Jocko see that I don't subscribe I let's flip my brain I'm subscribed to Jocko I would just start dipping and then going this is who I am this is who I am yeah what was your favorite between a cigarette dip and chew what to run a train on my mouth with a cigarette and a dip you should do that oh [ __ ] yes dude I love I remember having go top lip I mean like because I'm I'm out burn down here I top lip then you love that burn in a way I loved what you got all [ __ ] give me a cigarette are you [ __ ] serious camel blue jeez what the [ __ ] yeah camel blue is that the ones you crush the back like a chick what's camel blue is it menthol what's blue stand for that's the camel light doesn't the camel light have the different filter on the end they're not allowed to use the word light anymore so they've changed it to both didn't know that I'm gonna sing all that mm-hmm Kimmy can I tell you this I'll get the feeling I'll get the feeling by just pulling on this and inhaling yeah I can taste the nicotine let's do it I can take I can feel it let's just do it let's do a binge day oh we should do a [ __ ] binge day and [ __ ] film it and go off the rails with everything that's what I'm saying see if we can get like really test our moderation yeah weed booze beers nicotine Hallucigenia we got to get one light like I really think the way to go is coke like after talking to drew a bunch dude let's do some coke man like I said we I say we I say we do I say in the spirit of following in Jacko's footsteps where he preaches what he believes right right he believes that [ __ ] right and it works for him really [ __ ] well yeah I mean I watched him talk about whole milk today I get vitamin D milk all the time he talked about home he was like out he goes I got a lot of backlash talking that I used some whole milk and I guess I was like what wait what does it world what I have no idea I just sought some first part I like why I got his audiobook I'm listening to the audiobook right now I love it cuz it's really it really does peak your mind because I don't think that way naturally yeah it forces you to it forces me to see the world in a different way and then in a productive way obviously but so I follow him and today he was like I'm getting a lot of backlash because I told you I'm I like to make my my morning shakes with whole milk and I was like in my head I was like what fail I don't have a do you that are like dammit what did they wanted to say God bless chaco he woke up music shouldn't an old milk what's a common issue facing men these days think long and hard about it did you think about it did you know that 40% of men by the age of 40 struggle with being able to maintain or get an erection 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conversation it's like man I always wish I could be one of those people that it'll just let drive a car for a few days and he was like oh you can be yeah he's like and he made it happen and anyways we had we had a great time was podcast but I'm driving this Lotus for a few days and it's so fun really so fun yeah it is a it's a true sports car it's not crazy crazy fast but it's fast what do you mean like it's not like everything becomes about like does it go zero to 60 in two and a half seconds no but it's still fast it still handles great it's no frills like you get in the car and there's AC and a radio and then there's just a sport race button that's it those are like the modes it's not full of gadgets it's like it's a fun sports car experience really low to the ground really it's manuals but like really easy Gate move in and out of it's a fun car to drive if you're looking for a sports car that you don't see everybody driving like you know I've seen a couple I think that's kind of one of the appeals as you go like I don't see these everywhere you know you see a hundreds of other sports cars so I don't know I've just had like a really really fun time driving it all right Linden let's talk let's pivot I like this yeah what do you think about what do you think about Jordan in the documentary only seems to be driving Corvettes he drove well if he was famously driving the Ferrari for a while oh really yeah yeah yeah he had that black Ferrari which he tells the comment I don't know if it's in the last answer i watch that another video I might have watched another video that in because you know he's like the most amazing trash talker yeah so he said he was I think it was in a different video another player was saying that it might have been Gary Payton went up to Georgia loved the glove watching the Gary Payton goes I shut him down and he goes the glove first he goes yeah he does that and then when he goes and then things different he was like okay it's like I had no problem I love that he's still so competitive that 20 years later he's like [ __ ] that dude I love it by the way hold on there I have so many knows yeah yeah I'm the [ __ ] it's amazing on the last dance amazing but but I look at it from a different finish what you're saying okay whoa drink [ __ ] what happened I did I let you finish the statement the Ferrari statement was this so he had he was driving like a UH I think a 458 back then which is just like such a baller thing for an athlete to pull up be like imma go score 45 points I'll see y'all won game well I think what I think it was Payton or one of the SuperSonics came up to him was like amen I got a Ferrari too and then he turned when he goes yeah but you paid for yours and there like he's like give me that [ __ ] here's what I think is Isaiah Thomas must be [ __ ] livid uh yeah I have almost destroyed his reputation yeah it's taking other people like defending him to not make everyone hate him everyone and and then I started I mean I and I've said this a couple times I know people don't believe this but what's next like curiosity mm-hmm how many NBA all-stars MVPs Hall of Famers do you think are watching this being like [ __ ] that I'm gonna make my documentary like why isn't Shawn Kemp going hold on I was a [ __ ] human highlight reel yeah like I like to say I like to make an argument that I'm one of the greatest ever why isn't you know for a fact people in Hollywood in LA are like let's make a Kareem documentary because Kareem is is horribly sub the greatest player ever to play in professional people just aren't documentary worth like maybe is that what it is is that yeah like that Jordan Luther literally was a highlight reel but Jordan here's the thing he is was so dominant so dominant and so iconic became an international international superstar recognized in a village in North Africa China anywhere you went he single like pretty much single-handedly took the NBA which was a more mid tier sports league you know professional sports league and like made it like the most popular international league probably added [ __ ] a hundred billion dollars of worth due to that league do you think he created the European player well the game was took was totally different there you know I mean like he he elevated the popularity of the sport so much I mean the world really did everyone to be like Mike you know and and you look back on that documentary and I was saying it before that that my perspective of Michael Jordan was always as a kid you know I watched him as a kid and I thought like this guy's just naturally the best he's just the best player ever to watch it as an adult and and see not just like how like how much work he put into it and everything and how possessed he was as a competitor but to have it validated that like oh actually you know how your kid eyes were like oh he's just really great to see like those other dudes who are professional basketball players all acknowledged like like that dude could just [ __ ] us up at any time it kind of it's my it kind of blows your mind right you're like that dude really was that much of a savage playing basketball like oh he wouldn't it to kill you you know he wanted to kill you and demoralize you and humiliate and he's creating reading stories inside his own head of why he should kill you yeah I love that yeah by the way if any one of us I know I did this a lot in other people to do it were you laying in bed and you fight with someone Jordan was doing that all the time it was like okay yo you won't have back to back story they tell that's like the guy was like a game yeah good game and he's like I'm gonna guess I'm a score we scored in the first half yeah and then and then he goes and then they say so we talked to what's the name he said that never happened he was he I made that up and you're like yeah by the way I can I tell you on that vein of making it up I was in bed and I was like I was I'm watching the documentary and I'm like alright oh I want to see I wish I had seen Jordan played I think I saw him play in Orlando I think and I was like that's impossible cuz I'm like regret I left Florida in 97 when would I have ever seen him in Orlando playing Orlando I remember having great seats in Orlando my dad had gotten them somehow and I went to a game it was like six rows back and I was like I got only went because I wanted to see Jordan play but I can't really remember and then I thought could I just give myself that memory like to like I don't remember if it's true or not yeah but do I just give myself to memory and go I saw him play and then I'm a pieces such yeah like do I go cuz I I'm pretty sure I saw him play alive three times okay see I don't have that memory yes I have going to see the magic and the Bulls play I think I think and I'm owed an event it would have been a type of right after the Rolling Stone article so it'd been 97 in whatever that year 97 98 is okay so and I think I went to watch the Bulls in the magic play I think or or this is even crazier some sort of exhibition game that Michael Jordan was in could've been and so but I know that I went I know that I I know that I went because I wanted to see Michael Jordan play huh but I don't remember if I saw Michael Jordan play because I was drinking I don't really remember much of it and then I just decided I'm just gonna give myself the memory like just go just go make it you saw Jordan play yeah so that so like to note like to hear how your mind works is it's really really an astonishing thing I mean most people would most people would carry that memory with some detail you know because they're like I saw the greatest person to ever play this game play live I saw I met Dave Grohl and I said I have a very distinct memory of seeing Dave Grohl and I say Nirvana playing Tallahassee uh-huh not really sure I kind of don't remember yeah might have been just mashing pumpkins but in my memory it was Nirvana in Smashing Pumpkins I mean I believe I have that memory and did you tell Dave Grohl I thought it'd grow it was like I saw you guys live in Tallahassee and the look on his face suggested we never played in Tallahassee and I shut the story down and there was a crucifix here on one side let me just tell you without a doubt you never saw Jordan play okay why would you take your own beautiful memory and giving yourself [ __ ] when you can have a beautiful memory like why not just selfishly just it's so funny cuz I go I look at that and I go I definitely pull up pull up Nirvana Smashing Pumpkins tour let's find out if there's a real memory because we ate mushrooms I distinctly remember Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins playing another year No uh I know who I would have gone with oh [ __ ] this is scary to think that I will now say go from saying I saw Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins Live I says 91 no definitely not 91 all right hold on you ready to find out yeah I can find out if I saw Nirvana play live you're gonna call your friend I this is who I would have gone with it was when I was in giving out spankings yeah you said tallahassee tallahassee at the Civic Center but it's it would not be 91 it would be 92 93 it would be 94 it was when I turned 21 do the math he died in 94 day grits burger hey I'm with uh I'm with Segura and we're talking about all right be careful and try to remember this best you can don't just answer no no never happened okay just think the best you can did we see Nirvana play live at the Civic Center in Tallahassee in college think about it think about it or did we yeah it was awesome right it was god damn it John you just made my [ __ ] head like anatomically correct [ __ ] things on stage with wings and [ __ ] yeah in utero it says Tallahassee on your the December 2nd 1993 December 2nd 1993 that sounds right [ __ ] yeah Dacre goddamnit oh thank you man god dammit hey who open I thought Smashing Pumpkins open for him but the breeders your memories so much better than mine awesome brother I'll talk to you later ok alright Ison Nirvana play live I [ __ ] did now now here's the question Tom here's the real question doesn't it suck that you don't remember now I know all my memories to be real but here's the real question does it matter yes let's see what weighs more I was giving myself that memory not knowing if it was true or not but I was giving myself the memory is it more is the memory better or more valuable now that I know it's true versus me just going yeah I did that like what memory is more valuable it feels the same like it still feels the same like right I did see them live but if I kind of didn't it and I thought I did it doesn't matter so you know what I [ __ ] saw Jordan play I just gonna go because I I all my feelings are the same right all my emotions are the same I feel like I have that memory I feel like I saw greatness I feel like I was a part of something that was cool I feel that right yeah because I gifted it to myself it would be 97 it was right it was moving me 97 and it would have been right after college - they play I've been it right probably right there right yeah it was exactly when it was it was over Christmas break December 10th 97 I saw Jordan play but you know what doesn't change it's so crazy that I was gonna give myself those memories anyway yeah to make me happier and now you're like oh they're true yeah it's like if you go to a strip club and she's like grabs your dick you know like that's not cheating right that's true I mean it really is a dick sucking cheating no well a dick suck but like but like when a girl like motorboats you in a strip club and you're like that's not cheating but if you did it in a van in a parking lot with a chick outside you show you like I definitely cheated but it's not about it's a by the way if we're gonna add to my commencement speech it's about make your own rules and make your own memories make your own memories make your own laws you're you're the only one that goes to bed with you every single night so as long as you know that you're happy that's all that [ __ ] matters I saw Nirvana and I saw Michael Jordan and by the way I didn't really even know that until now but I feel the same you feel the same that's [ __ ] what is I am so broken like I mean when you honestly if you had a therapist watching this they'd be like this is like gotta be that they have it they'd have some notes it's there's I mean there has to be something wrong with me that I really justified for what 25 years I've been like talking in my head about and see every time I will listen to Ron I'm like I all that shows I remember where I was sitting and I did not know if it was a real memory so what you're saying is you do kind of remember that show I hundred percent remember we were sitting top like this is a stage we were up in the nosebleeds up to the top up here and this was like this stage we're up here and huh we ate mushrooms so I was pretty [ __ ] high and they had the I thought it was a crucifix but it was the I'm sure I was just [ __ ] high [ __ ] it was the inflatable the in utero symbol of her on that with the wings or something huh she pulled the year in utero symbol yeah and I swear to God Kurt Cobain was to the left Krist Novoselic was to the right they were on separate sides of the stage and Dave Grohl's in the center and it was that thing on the stage and I'm telling you man it was a [ __ ] amazing show and I but I and I why did you doubt the memory though because I didn't I wasn't sure it happened like it was a created memory yeah like like like you had told me about do you ever see Nirvana and I didn't remember that conversation and then all the sudden I'm like I'm like uh you know like I wish I had that memory and then it starts forming in your head yeah they have a couple dreams and then you're like I saw them yeah but I didn't couldn't tell if it was iMovie really into Smashing Pumpkins at the time mm-hmm but Jon Dacre was obsessed with Nirvana and he was like dude we got to see them live and I was like I can't come I don't really give a [ __ ] yeah we were in a band at the time and then after seeing that show I was obsessed with them I'll tell you one of the one show that I can say that I went to two shows that I went to that were the greatest live concerts I've ever been to back in Giants Stadium yeah amazing show amazing show um back live was [ __ ] I bet he's in it and they didn't even serve booze at that show I was stoned [ __ ] sober and I remember that show that's kind of interesting how that kind of lines up yup yeah very clear memory great memory I'm feeling such a vivid [ __ ] memory totally sober such a vivid [ __ ] memory and and Cold War Kids no not cold war kids look up by the way can you look up because I I'm trying to remember this I saw Jordan play against the Timberwolves in what I think was the Timberwolves inaugural game the first Timberwolves game I think it was their first game ever so it been like writing 1989 I think Wow can you look up look up a first first Timberwolves game first Minnesota Timberwolves game by the way all I can think right now is did I see Shaq play also I saw Shaq play I saw Jack play in in Orlando did was he it's the 89 right 89 90 season would that be their inaugural season it's their first season and maybe I'll start a religion maybe also a religion yeah of like of like should I believe in and that people are like yeah kind of want good memories I think you kind of have that I think you already kind of have that what if you just Google first Minnesota Timberwolves game you know I mean this is the schedule right here is that the schedule yes so I'm trying to get rid of this little box hey can can someone one of our fans do a make a Nadab is googling song that we can play directly look-look-look was is that the order yeah this is the schedule so it looks like so in the third game yeah there's a third game they lost obviously yeah I was at that game really yeah I was at that game and then I also went to see the Bulls play the Bucs twice but in Milwaukee I never saw them play in Chicago I never never I've never saw the mister guard oh hey did we Shaq was on that team I guess which one on that when I saw I must have seen Shaq play too if you saw the game in in Orlando I love Jack yes I saw him play he'd be the one guy that I'd break this rule where we could have guests I wouldn't mind guests on the show Jackie like like legit big [ __ ] guests yeah we're you know that we could tag T them okay mm-hmm but like Shaq is the [ __ ] greatest he's awesome dude I love everything about him I if I could have a career like his we're like you do like one more special everyone likes it you do a big tour and then you just retire and do general commercials like I could do that in a [ __ ] heartbeat do it goddamn it man that's what what a great day to here's why you need people like you and that guy Dacre in your lives why cuz you know you saw Jordan play in your head you were like I want to see the greatest play I'm gonna make sure I have that memory you probably remember who you went to the game with oh yeah I went with my dad oh okay he just called by the way yeah you're right yeah and uh but but you remember so like to have people like that in your life that go yeah we definitely did that we definitely did that Shaq was not playing which game damn it Shaq wasn't on the team in the in 1997 I don't believe this is the box score right here it wasn't for which game ran this is oh the one who went to yeah it was was he playing at Los Angeles already or Miami I don't think he was even yeah I think he was this is 97 so was he drafted yet no yeah yeah yeah he was already he was already in LA easily can I tell you I almost remember him cuz I moved to Florida in 94 yeah and I went to a magic game and to see Shaq play I know that I moved there at the end of 94 so I don't know if I saw him in late 94 or early 95 but he was on the magic definitely in that period can I tell you I want I have a I had dated a girl that had a hilarious Shaq story and I want to say that Shaq was on the team but in a suit and I want to say that the only person I was really fascinated by was Penny Hardaway yeah penny was ten hit so [ __ ] good man he was it's like that's what when you look at the last dance they should be here but that that 34:34 about penny and Shaq was [ __ ] amazing dude yeah they've been doing that I mean the thing is that like we were so lucky especially if you're a basketball fan or a Jordan fan to get the last dance Jordan had to sign he controlled the footage and didn't have to do these interviews he's Michael Jordan and the fact that he actually agreed to sit down and do these interview and like be so candid like let's tell stories it was amazing reef love pieces about ourselves because you realize in [ __ ] 40 years no one's gonna remember that D'Elia was better than me right they're just gonna remember my documentary about me was [ __ ] amazing so no one's gonna remember no memory Joe Rogan put so you want to do like a thing where we like make fluff documentaries about our lives and just highlight but if you want to talk about comedy the way that these guys talk about games women really like we're like it's your production is late show Umbria and I went up there yes yeah just slam that and it's and like and you cut to people who were like he was so [ __ ] funny yeah and by the way it doesn't even need to be truths like it's like just cut to like Dave Attell go on tit I was in the back of the right of the way that should be your next specials title it doesn't need to be true that's a hundred percent a perfect title for you that's you that is you it doesn't need to be true Bert Kreischer it doesn't need to be true let's I'm gonna produce a fluff piece documentary yeah on me being the greatest stand-up comedian to ever take the stage okay okay all right and I'm gonna make I'm gonna make an eight part series you gotta have an eight part series but I want to do a part documentary and just and then make it and then people be like god I bet if you saw that for the first time you didn't know me you'd be like I got to see this guy especially if you get people to be like man and one thing you didn't want to do was challenge Bert they just take over after that [ __ ] yeah almost like really like by the way I don't keep a lot of these athletes in it like I just keep Isiah Thomas going like man I didn't have a problem with him hey can someone edit that just take out Jordan's interviews and I'll recreate all of Jordans yeah I have everybody else talked about him it's not because it's not a fluff piece because he is the greatest but he did produce it so it's it's I mean obviously he's the greatest but like but they they they handle you know they talk about because the critique of him not being like really into activism right they like they handle that made me second-guess I've always said I don't like talking about politics and then you hear because I really do believe that I wouldn't say Republicans I would say both people deserve to come to a comedy show and laugh and I'd yeah it comedy is like I don't want to alienate and isolate anyone that's how he not gonna stand up and go kick out all Republicans but like you hear him say that and then people [ __ ] come down on yeah and people were disappointed cuz they're always been like these big stories and then it's like it's especially if you balance that against like LeBron is like very very vocal about all types of social issues so it kind of it kind of falls into that that that comparison that people are always doing there will be a LeBron documentary oh yeah oh yeah there will and Jesse just accept that I was he's number two well you know there's it's there's gonna be a note there's gonna be a Kobe one like this one has been so successful that there's no way they don't make a Shaq one a Kobe one a LeBron a Kareem one like they're gonna like ESPN is gonna be like hold on one second this is bigger than tiger King this is the biggest thing in media in probably the last 20 years this I don't know I mean I know it's been like a huge hit but I mean you know there is already the Kobe showed like the Spike Lee did a movie about Kobe that followed him so there's there's their stuff it's gonna be yeah the what's that called hey Mark my words there's not one person playing in the NFL that doesn't have a [ __ ] film crew go in the 8th I'm gonna take that from the top just edit that part out mark my words there's not one pie the reason amazing I can just ship right into it yeah mark my words there's not one person in the NBA that isn't gonna have a film crew with them everywhere locker rooms are gonna be filled with [ __ ] film crews they want that you because they want that [ __ ] documentary well here's the debt the thing is I realized just now like through this last period especially watching that dock that everything your opinion on greatness is so heavily heavily biased by the age you are during someone's greatness so you know like we as kids would always hear about what you didn't you know you didn't see Kareem play you didn't see Oscar Robertson play yeah and you're and you'd always go like and the same thing happens now like young younger people will be like to LeBrons definitely the best and then anyone older just they just go like okay boomer like you're just old yeah like and you know people will compare stats but I don't know I think if you grew up in the Jordan era like if you watched him from if you're like from a probably seven to 2530 if you're in that age range and you were like watching him in this time you'll never be like swayed to another side ever know so yeah I mean I get it like I just go there's gonna be disagreements people will you know be like wow you know he had more points per game okay I mean no one no one who grew up with Jordan is going to be like you're right like this guy who just completely dominated this space for a decade and one two three Pete's MVP just single-handedly could take it no one's ever gonna be like yeah I give it to you I think the other guys better it's just not gonna happen yeah would you if you could give your sons a pill yeah so that they would have physically they will physically develop into either LeBron James or Michael Jordan physically every attribute muscle wise size wise yeah would you give them that pill now knowing that they may not take up basketball and maybe just the freakish guy in the [ __ ] office when I give them the pill yeah yeah really I give them both the pill I'm [ __ ] extra pills and just have them be just monster absolutely absolutely even though if they're just and I'll go to all their games and just cry at joy at watching my my son's make these other kids suffer you know let me tell you what let me tell you a story about a guy I won't say his name's I know he has anxiety okay let's just call him hawk okay okay he knows I'm talking about him okay Hawk was six seven six nine in ninth grade god yeah and a monster on the basketball court except he was a very shy gentle dude yeah and he did not like people staring at him and because he was six nine everyone stared at him all the time and it gave him ulcers because he was the center of attention anywhere you went up to the giant doles would talk to him people would single him out how tall you you play ball and he he ended up stopping playing basketball because it was too much for him it was like almost being famous at a young age and he quit playing but I think he quit playing about two dudes three actually two that were like oversized eighth grade ninth graders who were real gentle like real gentle guy yeah and they were totally like put off by it another guy who was six seven as a sophomore junior in high school and all of us were like you know holy [ __ ] man I couldn't dunk because his body just hadn't like caught up and yeah we played a pickup game I blocked a shot of his like I was like Jesus man like you can't levitate an inch you know and he died oh yeah oh he's just too tall and he just died from being dude all know he'd I've totally unrelated to that he hit his head on a doorway Oh mind of ceiling fan the yeah it doesn't work out great for room yeah why think about there's gotta be at more than a handful of maybe not shaq-sized dudes but like six ten who don't have the athletic skill they just walk around like yep I'm six [ __ ] and then everyone nothing is made for me I can't ever go surfing nothing I can never go skydiving I'm uncomfortable and plain movies yeah I like reading not a graphic novel Saturday and that's not I can't even be a gamer because the [ __ ] controllers so small in my hand and yeah and if you're just like 610 and not an athlete and you have a regular nine-to-five and then you don't have the the resources to be like hey can we build a house with 14-foot ceilings yeah so I can walk around like Shaq yeah my feet will hang off the bed I'll never be comfortable in the hotel shower it's brutal hit me in my belly button that's brutal dude so you would give your kids that life knowing they may not be athletic they and then all of a sudden they can every flight sucks every hotel soft yes but the reason I would do it is because I would take a page out of Bert Kreischer book which is selfishly it makes me happy that you're this tall I am enjoying your freakish nature it makes me pleased and if you can't deliver the drive to get better and compete and take this freakshow body that God gave you with pills then you know what that's on you [ __ ] yeah I like it I like it an uncle Burt approves on that we got to wrap this up Oh for real yeah goddamn it do everything can I ask you one quick bit of a yes yes yes yes because I want your assessment yes last night I tweeted greatest college team in history meaning if you go in a time machine and pick all they're all pros from all their past history all time team's all-time teams you could get you can get Ray Lewis you could get Michael Irving you could get Warren Sapp you could pull all they're all pros in whatever year yeah and collaborate and make one college team yeah what college has the best football team on here your answer and then I will tell you what the internet said I mean there's like there's just a top-5 that everybody would say five okay you would it would I bet it's not the one the internet says really I was a mean way it would be definitely Miami's in the converse of me definitely USC yes definitely Nebraska mm-hmm I would say FSU absolutely all-time team all time you collect all by the way it doesn't even have to be it really technically doesn't have to be guys that went pro and we're amazing in pros well they're gonna take dominant dominant Marvin Jones Derek your rookie on salary Simon Deion Sanders Peter Boulware Peter Warrick where it's [ __ ] you crazy - yeah yeah yeah I would take them you have named polo no answer hello Miami Nebraska USC FSU Ohio State and would be the last one let's top five right there okay you ready I think you could go LSU to their all-time team would be nuts but all-time team would be nuts the answer that I got overwhelmingly it's not one of those schools not one of those schools okay what is it pit what pit yeah they have a marine oh yeah Tony Dorsett Larry Fitzgerald Curtis Martin Shady Mike Ditka bill frolic Jimbo covert mike mark May mark May Russ Grimm Revis Island Chris Dolan Ricky Jackson Hugh I mean everyone it's an awesome all-time team I still think it's a top ten team Antonio Bryant air Aaron Donald Darryl Darryl Revis everyone said [ __ ] pit in that crazy I mean no register in my time right and that caught me off guard I still think it's a top ten team I still think that like like everyone's gonna make that case that the Miami team I would think that that would be most college fans would just be like look if you take the all-time roster from Miami it's absolutely bananas that's what I said I thought it would be Miami I thought it would be Miami but then you know what someone said to me they're like in in this they were like yeah Miami in in like the 80s and 90s yeah but never ever before then yeah but they're not after then really that's that's pretty true like that but that you take 83 through a 102 it is I mean it's Hall of Fame central man it's really crazy Michael Irving talked about greatness and it was can you pull up see if just real quick see if you can find Michael Irvin talking about greatness and it's a speech he gave and it was they were putting a mic on him and it was maybe the most moving speech I've ever heard he by the way he's great my favorite person to watch do press yeah is definitely Warren Sapp Warren's call doesn't give a [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm calm calm what we have to have an angle to call him I'll just be like hey great greatest like all-time teams do you think is Miami top five okay let's call Warren Sapp by the way I've not abused this number yeah he gave it to me yeah yeah here we go ask ask him top five who are the top five all-time teams okay okay that's that's gonna go put a dip in to start this here we go who loves the dip I know yeah no okay we're here we go oh this makes me nervous this might be one of the top telling me doing your podcast oh yeah yeah I wonder if he remembers me he's gonna say birth conquer what's up dude Willie answer no no it's my vision right now probably not gonna answer unless he's like sorry leave him a message right no no okay no message he's voicemail text somebody text me okay oh my my hands are sweating my freaked out we got to wrap up so I love that and look they'll they'll definitely write in the comments their top five yeah put your top five in the comments I'm dying to hear your top five at Miami I say USC I said Ohio State I said FSU Nebraska that's my top that's my it is exactly my top five as well alright and I did not see Pitt coming I'm looking at my phone to see if Lauren's one-hit thing would be a mate I mean if he weighed in on this it would be amazing I would be [ __ ] amazing if I call it twice don't go thirsty right yeah yeah by the way he's just a do me a favor hit up warren sapp and get let's just never mind that's a horrible idea that is a horrible idea with you [ __ ] animals do not reach out to warren sapp he's a nice guy he's a friend okay all right we got to go thank you guys for watching for listening love you burped love you too Tommy all right Bert Tom Tom one goes tops while the other wears the shirt Tom tell stories and Bert's the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep clean ears what the call bear's cave no scripts a betta booze amateur for Tala gee dirty jokes raunchy humor no apologies here's what we call two bears one cave [Music]

Channel: YMH Studios

Views: 940,844

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast

Id: DrKmxxUSI9U

Length: 82min 45sec (4965 seconds)

Published: Mon May 18 2020