Ep. 21 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

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from Japan and each blade is crafted using techniques that have been honed and purr affected for not by knifes beefs Smith's for generations if you go ahead and buy right now commie Cotto's are offering our listeners an extra 25% off site-wide be like those Michelin five star chefs that use these knives and you save 25% off site-wide on top of their discount go to Kimiko TOCOM and use the offer code cave that's Kimiko TOCOM slash cave that's kam I ke OTO comm slash cave - shoes don't want to run the Federal Reserve that's not even a logical thought why would you did we just start I know it's beautiful about this bit is that you have to sit the shower in the morning and think hateful thoughts that they come pretty easily [Laughter] well Alena this is a big announcement oh [ __ ] if you will allow me I am I'm go ahead and crack that for me I'm very happy proud to announce that this week hey big boy Bert Kreischer 'he's second netflix one-hour special is debuting congratulations my friend cheers she thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you it feels it feels so good hey big boy on Netflix check it out I mean I gotta be honest with you this [ __ ] I can't believe use on this wooden is for your fifth is airing next week right fourth fourth Azarian dude this is my fourth special yeah but I'm just the [ __ ] it's getting so much it's more exhausting than I ever thought it was well that the touring is right Touring's a I'm the touring is like the [ __ ] sweet spot this right now touring has been the funnest it's ever been yeah yeah cuz it's all writing and having fun on stage but dude the press for a special promoting a special yeah thinking of videos to do for a special video it gives me anxiety I got a video coming out tomorrow yeah I'll say Paddy's that it does it have the shoes you're wearing now those are special big show at the store tomorrow it's already sold out 15 comics in the main room for podcasts in the oh our belly rooms of VIP lifetime is your thing start 10:00 a.m. doors open I think it starts at 11:00 it's uh yeah it but it's like all the bandwidth that it takes to get through one of these and you know me I can't really I can't pump the brakes and slow down yeah I just go harder and faster and I go okay come on yeah the video for this yep I mean sled race let's do this donate $1,000 to this guy broke his jaw if I donate $1,000 then I ride hey Dominic like my brain just doesn't stop in the marketing mode I just I mean it was it was it was a different world when you look back at like when I did when I started doing specials in 2009 comfortably dumb no one watched them and that was how it worked we watched comfortably dumb in your apartment debuting on Comedy Central yeah you wear your black button-down collars what one of the main reasons I stopped wearing shirts was that special really yup sweat do you remember this you hooked into the gray shirt slowly expanded the holes and it ruined the [ __ ] special for me I could not watch that special because I started sweating so bad oh yeah took my shirt off never sweat again in my our life I am [ __ ] cool as a cucumber Wow by the way I am also the skinniest you'll ever see me on this special on the new one on the new one here on hey big boy oh hey big boy let's pull it up let's see it let's see see how skinny I am go to the clip go to my Instagram clip that they that they [ __ ] meme doubt that bothered me so much really to write a joke 18 months ago right yeah to work on it to film it in November to tell it and then have someone go yeah that is good let me just meme that and then that'll go viral nope there it a there we go on the left there yeah this is the skinniest I've been in my adult life for a while you think that was running hardest [ __ ] to 220 220 yeah my hair looks awesome look at that belly yeah a nice skinny in that fat look at that fat [ __ ] arm that's me skinny look at that belly it's still like it I'm skinny there me you know what this if you can pull up and have it side by side you from last week in New York next to this one it looks like they were filmed years apart wait why the thing in New York are you serious good that you film this that yeah can you pull that up the o'clock and the dogs on it okay okay I don't know okay yeah yeah yeah yeah when I saw this I was like holy when was this and they're like oh no this is over the weekend dude I've balloon up over weekends yeah so easily worse man flying sodium sodium yeah a beer I love a beer no I saw that it went away pretty quickly yeah I had a rough morning this morning oh yeah oh yeah what happened so yesterday huh mother [ __ ] this way here we go there we go yesterday I'm doing pressed for the special hey big boy currently streaming on Netflix and um and it was non-stop it was non-stop it started at 9:00 in the 8:30 in the morning and it just went until 9 o'clock at night don't you hate it the press yeah you know what I got to be honest with you at certain point I go I should stop talking I did your mom's house with you yeah it's kind of the highlight of the day because for some man I actually got in the car and I called Leanne and I go I really miss Tom and push because I haven't really hung out with you guys unless I do that pocket so yeah so fleeting it's either one or the other yeah and uh that was the highlight of my tanks it was so seamless it was so easy it was so much so casual and funny and then um end the day at 9:00 I got home had to reads I saw the girls for 10 minutes right woke up this morning this made me angry I don't know I don't know if you'll ever compartmentalize it this way well it this morning Georgia had a late start it's 7 o'clock and she's standing over me I'm in bed she's standing over me and she made me a breakfast sandwich so that we could hang out for a little bit before she went to school that's adorable it's adorable right immediately I start going I'm a [ __ ] [ __ ] dad I'm putting I'm putting all my energy into making money touring and promoting specials and promoting tours and to doing Netflix series and to working on the Machine script and like I'm putting myself spreading myself so thin and by the way I'm only spreading myself more thin that I don't see my daughter my oldest daughter who's at that precipice of like am I gonna be a bad kid or a good kid at 15 years old and yet this kid woke up made woke up early didn't even make herself breakfast she had cereal and made me a breakfast sandwich and then I went off to the and then I just you know I just murdered it yeah I was like oh it was so [ __ ] good it was the best sandwich I've ever had she put a hot sauce on it cuz she knows how like hot sauce she's a child but she put the right amount of hot sauce on it I just dump it all over yeah she put enough so you got a hint of hot sauce yeah she made the eggs runny and then put cheddar cheese big chunks of cheddar cheese and then toasted it lightly [ __ ] you and make me want to go get one it was the best breakfast heavens ever had and then we spend some time together she's a guard I gotta go to school and she takes off and then I'm like I got angry except I got angry because I felt like I go what why is it always gotta be me like why do I got to do everything like why can't why can't I lighten the load I look at like I look at like you were bur I feel like you guys aren't running around like a chicken with your head cut off you guys feel like you guys got your your [ __ ] together or Rogan Rogan seems like he's got everything dialed in I get up a elliptical make my dinner with my kids shoot a bow a couple times go over yes weights sauna podcast home take girls it's like he's feeling it doesn't seem scattered it doesn't seem scattered and I'm feel like [ __ ] buckshot just everywhere yep and and then I'm like and then I get circuit angry and I go why is it how come I feel like weird like no one bought we did the [ __ ] shoot today no one bought me pants and I was like why do I have to buy pants why do I ask my tap shoes like I'm like like why do I have to do it I get so angry I'm [ __ ] so mad and then I call him in like a goalie and she's like [ __ ] and ice and I go oh I get the oh [ __ ] look huh I can't get that and I saw I got so worried I just felt like I [ __ ] drop the ball George did something nice and then I manifested into like yeah no dude everybody has those morning so everybody has those days it's I I'm dying to see your your kids grow up yeah cuz like I think we all knew that that kid that made me the breakfast sandwich you Miam push in the end knew that was that kid when we met her that's true she has been the just the cutest [ __ ] softest pushover a book yeah yeah in the world and then Isla didn't even say goodbye to me today out yeah her deuces [ __ ] yeah the UH and so then I got to this shoot today and they had a beer and I was like yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] it I have no idea how those kids will turn out you know they're so young but Ellis I feel like it's gonna give me a lot of problems else is gonna Ellis is gonna be I think I see like Ellis being apart the parts of you but with but with III with just the [ __ ] hell raising part just the oh I'd kill a dog oh yeah if it attacked my brother I'd [ __ ] murder it he's doing this I love you so much and he goes that's great I wonder if Ellen Eilis would connect yeah Ellen eyeless Isla yeah yeah probably so we have you started the hard push for your special for your promotion hard push starts no alright push starts I don't know I have pressed next week doing yeah but most of the big press I have is after like a week or two after oh yeah yeah I I kind of like was I did it all my way after I do I look there and I'm not doing any of that I looked at like what I thought served people well so I think Nikki did press better than probably anyone Nikki and Whitney were the two people that really killed it this year impress impress in my opinion how so um I mean this is just very shallow and I'm giving you all the tricks to my trade if you're listening but like yeah I follow Google Trends I look at Google Trends and I look to see when people's specials drop how they spiked right I see that Nikki had just Nikki Ally Wong's Eliza the women just murder it now there is a little bit of an outlier in this and that the I just named for absolutely gorgeous women so a lot of guys here in mono podcast know I want to see what they look like so they google them and they Google and they flip through a ton of pictures so it's a little bit of an outlier however we go like tits and like by the way I'm guilty of that I'm like [ __ ] definitely googled those exact same women and just been like god [ __ ] Liza beautiful Liza looks great in the new Marky Mark World movie yeah she [ __ ] murdered it like I just watched the beginning of it she's got a legit Boston accent like legit Boston accent talented she's active awesome anyway I follow that and then I kind of looked and saw what they did and what pop for me so like I hired a publicist last time and it was like six thousand dollars much money that I was just like I didn't feel like they really brought anything the table we did a late night with Carson Daly and I was like yeah I don't watch that right like I don't want that I don't think you watch that like I'm I I did it this way I know what I dig and I dig this show I dig Rogan so you hit those people I just hit I hit all my friends and say hey Chi to your podcast and then I and then I and then I reached out like to use the mirror like the things I like you know and I was like I'm just gonna stay in my lane I don't want to go too far out of my lane because I know sometimes when you go too far to your Lane and you have some edgy jokes that I would say have edgy jokes but I have some jokes that if you're not a fan they're gonna [ __ ] upset sure yeah like you mean like if you were to do like daytime talk shows yeah and they're like so tell us about your experience at Starbucks and I'm like I'm being pitched to some of the big ones right now and I have that same thing I'm like I'm like I'm gonna sit down and they're gonna go you're calling Bert racist how about this what no it's like here's a perfect example right so like I know for a fact that like our inside jokes with our fans yeah we get that right mm-hmm publicists don't get it hell no they don't get it they don't understand what this is they also a lot of those people if you were to go outside of the kind of lane yeah you transcribe a joke of yours like that's gonna go south real quick no your wife took off into a wall yeah oh I told that on a podcast the other day like as a liberal podcast and they were like it's pretty misogynistic yeah and I was like I yeah you have it it's a joke yeah and then I was like you think that's bad I wish Alexa had a flashlight attachment so I just shut her up the way I want to and they're like huh I was like with my dick in her mouth like is that like and then and then once you do it to me I lean into it so like I don't want it like I don't want to I don't want to put myself up for scrutiny because I think that is the mistake some people make yeah it's like it's like why watch norm you know and it's like and you look you know the way we talk like [ __ ] but people bring up our II mean you could talk it like this about re those people everyone listening knows that we know worry we'd love re we've known for a long time yeah you can kind of [ __ ] on him and and pick them apart but we're friends with him we still talk to when we still text with him you're fine but you go on another show and they're like I like IDs as a mirror I was afraid they were going to tell us about your boy Ari oh yeah and then in that forum you are you are [ __ ] because if you do and we you thought if you defend the middle how hard would you attract a man real quick your boy are you've been like [ __ ] that dude just texting Orion going just heads-up like they're just eyeballing you like so what happened there you'd be like these guys a piece of [ __ ] though and like and I don't I gotta be honest with you I love doing Conan but I don't know if I'd enjoy doing like a lot of late night shows cuz I'm not I'm not good in that that like everything I do so why they always go so why do you take your shirt off you're like I don't know man I don't really have an answer I know that that's why media works now yeah I don't have that answer on him don't you kind of part of me every time I book one of these I go like I'm gonna burn stuff yep you know I mean later I've regretted almost every thing that I hadn't recorded for myself using on a show up and like oh and Conan I mean I love Conan yeah love Conan I love doing Conan but you go in and you want to perform well what I did part of the period party joke that's on this special yeah obviously I you know once you do your own you can only do like two minutes of it yeah it's an 9 minute joke but uh but man it went [ __ ] viral and then and then I'm sitting here going like do I even tell it like or do I just bright even exercise yes a dude that's what's crazy about the internet it's like going back to that coffin to the wall joke that what goes gets memed you go then you start going like [ __ ] man like how'd it like how do you I shouldn't even put out my trailer right I should have just let you see that on the thing and then because there will be build to see that and go oh that's a meme I saw that last week right not realizing oh he taped this in November I didn't see that last week wait D by the way do you have the footage up now what you in New York can you make it big right now I look great there wait a minute there we go I look great I look great there too what do you think of these kicks oh you can't make it bigger what do you think of those kicks I can't really see from here rose-gold Nike Nike Air Force Ones nice let's see it is crazy that the late-night space is now just hey can you burn your material yeah for us yeah it really doesn't benefit you I mean kind of does I guess if you kill it on there but it's like I mean like I don't know I remember when I did even art of doing his show and yeah I look great oh look at the fold in my bottom of my belly ya know we all see it my face looks the same um my arm looks better but also your arm is up and that usually makes a stomach smaller you know and oh no I was pushing out that's a joke I have where I was like that's only like three months apart yeah i fluctuate or did you just [ __ ] call it's an airborne illness oh yeah yeah okay that's how it's gonna that's how you'll get it it's not by touching your face you can but I'm saying it's in the air I touch my face yeah yeah yeah it is crazy like like on this podcast we can have ideas I burn material on this podcast yeah where I go where I say it and then it's funny and then I go we'll [ __ ] I should have use that on stage well no because sometimes it prompts you to take it to stage that oh yeah the [ __ ] big black dudes dick with the push sent oh yeah that's a great [ __ ] every murder is really hard now yeah cuz I mean people it's funny cuz I'll say my wife's friends with Tom's wife and she sent her a text and people will go oh [ __ ] and then I've added enough that's different where people still get a brand-new life yeah yeah that's cool that's good I mean that you're the first person to tell me there I was gonna do Conan you're like I would not bring you're AGame and I said what you go I I know you have a brand new hour and you're working [ __ ] out you're like don't go in with the [ __ ] you love because you'll burn it and you'll [ __ ] regret it yeah and I was like god dammit well you know like like you a lot of what I do are stories yeah and like even when I did re show like I had a good time doing it his story tell you know this is not happening but I'd never told that OD story before and then it went on there and it you know I got millions of you I was like oh that's done flying to us at say flying dildos on there and yeah I got done like it's done that's the part but I guess you know there's kind of a balance to it but I think once you kind of have a fan base like you do for the most part you go like oh I just want to keep all these things for for what I do you know yeah it's weird I can I tell you where my head's at now mmm I'm thinking that what Andrew Schulz is doing where he literally just records everything yeah it just puts everything out I don't know how that'll work I don't know how that'll work with a special meaning like I know he's filming a special reshot a special I think he's releasing it through another platform yeah but I think I think he's doing it through Amazon right I actually thought I mean this is just like thinking by the way he didn't tell me that I'm just guessing off yeah yeah um I actually was like man I wonder if what he has built it makes more sense to actually put it there on his YouTube channel yeah part of me feels like that's a bigger pop also I feel like what he's doing it seems like he's doing almost every day he's releasing if it's not crowd work it's a bit content yeah part of me thinks and not just not say I thought of this but like I remember when I didn't think I was gonna do my last Netflix special secret time and I didn't know what I was gonna do I was like and I was I found I was getting a pop online on Instagram I was like what if you just did a special every four months or every three months or every two months and you released 10 minutes or 15 minutes you could really milk the 15 minutes I think it's actually I think what he's doing is a fantastic way to cultivate and build and have a direct fan base relationship I mean especially says it's working man I would lean into that so hard I think in which he's doing he's doing in love to go back in time I would love to be his age and doing it doing that oh yeah instead of just what I did where I leaned into the road yeah may there's two different there's it's like nine but different ways to skin a cat but you know I my thing was and I remember talking your wife about this I was like you go do the road you build a fan base that way you build your fan base in Des Moines and then next week time you go in more and more people it's never [ __ ] happened it never turned out that what never happened actually I would say it actually hurt me but I got became a better comic yeah and no one saw me fail and I got I got to do the Machine story for four years before anyone saw it yeah but I think what Andrews doing is really brilliant because you've just put content out I think yeah content out and people are eating it up think about what's going on with the coronavirus why not go hit up local clubs be recording your [ __ ] no you're safe yeah guys we're gonna we got this coronavirus test right outside the haha I'm doing my doing ten minutes every we could get a brand new ten minutes and everyone's old up in a house Jeff Tate who we both know is doing a thing where he records his shows and releases them like on audio so you can download a set that he did you know an hour at the whatever Cincinnati funnybone or go bananas yeah and then goes on the road and a few months later we'll recent other show he's like no they're all is all new original material yeah yeah yeah I mean like he does a lot of rate [ __ ] stand up he's a great stand-up great [ __ ] stand oh but it's more to that point of like of saying like well I'm just gonna put it's kind of like Joe's theory on podcasting remember like when when this was more building he and he was already ahead of everybody he you know some of these some of the big other big pockets that are some of them no one talks about anymore started to do the paywall to listen yeah and he I remember Joe emphatically and clay just kept telling because we would all talk about it he was like do not do a paywall and it's like why he goes just blast like he's like look what I do I just like put this [ __ ] everywhere dude it was then I remember it how many times have I I mean you know it's gonna [ __ ] happen I'll be on my deathbed one time and I go you know I listen to Joe on everything except for the quitting drinking such a great like he's a [ __ ] open my life start a podcast double down on the podcast do more podcasts get on the road stay on the road go to theaters ask for more money quit drinking I was like hold on pump your brakes ready I'm you've been hitting a thousand until there yeah I can only trust you nine out of ten times you don't have to except a head like mine look at this disaster look at his got a hat on it's not even gonna let you know what's going on in her there oh I know you look at us and you're like I mean I enjoy their podcast but wow what losers they are it's true we let our hair go without doing something and you don't have to be like us 66% of men start to lose their hair by age 35 once you've noticed thinning hair it can be too late you got to get on it right away the moment it starts creeping back falling out you got to be proactive this way you don't have a horrific looking head like we do well you need to go to for him calm the one-stop-shop for hair loss skin care and sexual wellness for men it's time to write a new chapter one in which you have hair hims is helping guys be the best version of themselves with licensed physicians and fda-approved products no snake oil pills or gas station counter supplements this was a website created for guys by a guy that says some of these conversations about guy stuff is better to be had online than in person that's right I love about this no awkward visit to the office no parking no staring at the floor in the doctor's office quick consultation online if they determine it's right for you a medication if we going to be shipped right to your door hair trigger hair loss that way it's the way to do it right now our listeners can get started their first month free go-to for hems comm slash bears that's for hems comm slash bears prescription requires an online consultation with a physician who will determine if a prescription is appropriate offer valid only if prescribed three months minimum prescription additional restrictions applies to website for full details and important safety information remember that's for hems comm slash bears that was impressive you like that run yeah yeah support for two bears one cave is brought to you by manscaped who is the best in men's below-the-belt grooming home ec oh hell yeah st. 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you're my size or tom-toms even a little bigger it's really hard to shave your chunk because you can't see it so it's like guesswork you know just hoping the rubber didn't hit the road well and this with the manscape 3.0 you are you are safe they've got their there Nick freeze technology yep and it has a green charger and the charger is right on the counter you just place it right there it's not tethered to anything so you can trim up I'm telling you I absolutely love the lawnmower 3.0 it's awesome it's always a nice surprise for you and your partner when you can actually see the trees stand taller than when you trim the hedges back get 20% off and free shipping with the code Kay batman escapes calm that's 20% off with Free Shipping at manscaped dot-com and use the code cave cheers to manscaping your lucky charm you want what about this okay this is probably never mind but like what like what if I just what if I just the thing I like okay what if I leaned into it this way the thing I like is writing material yeah that's what I love I love I love this I have a joke right now about finding a child and I don't have an end of the store I can't find the end remember I saw you working yeah and I and it's it's doing so well except for the end [ __ ] teeters it just goes it is nothing to me because I have not the same I also have a thing about finding a chair I have a story right now that has like like excites me to tell and doesn't go anywhere and it is the most depressing feeling and that's the end of it everybody ohh especially when they're all like I cannot wait for this turn that you definitely have coming up and you're like so yeah and you see them go like is he done and you're like then figure out the end of it what do you guys think like it needs an end yeah but when you find the end yeah not even when you find the end yeah it's when you find the thing that will help you find the end yeah like I always say this at like when I was the Columbus funnybone and I didn't have an end to the Machine story and I said in the middle that story there was a teacher this he's better booze in her face I know I'd always then go she was Berto Rican she was I don't know why I included that it was like what like old hacky comic things yeah she's Puerto Rican clearly didn't know anything about border I was like a dumb [ __ ] joke yeah and then at one night I just was like don't say that it's so stupid and then I was like and then he just looked at me and goes [ __ ] that [ __ ] this is Russia okay do you know who rocco siffredi is yes hold on do not star me on rocco siffredi do not start me on rocco siffredi oh my god he's we are pivoting right now in this podcast my card talking about rocco siffredi all [ __ ] oh he's a legend he's the greatest but he he tells a story he said that that he was I guess shooting scenes and oh yeah doing work and these Russians came Arabic class the Russians came over and - and he was going to work with them right so like Russian performers the male's especially right so the guy came and he's a Russian performers are famous for the old blindfold switcheroo oh really oh I've seen a lot of the teen Russian or older older older skinny white dude up there sixteen yeah they just they're like skinny dudes with big digs yeah and they and they always do the old blindfold it's on poor not blindfold and put it on that so because you were saying you think that like we have to strict of like the team russian-born I remember I helped some dude move out of his house one time my wife and her friend was there they ended up getting married and they were like oh my shock they're like oh my god I was there like we just found kiddy porn I was like are you okay this is my wife and a friend the guy wasn't there we were helping him move he was out of town and I was like are you [ __ ] serious and they're like no he has kiddie porn and I was like I gotta call the cops you gotta call the jobs and she's like I'm dating him I'm [ __ ] dating him where'd they finally found it on his computer no they found it and they showed me it's a magazine it's called barely legal and I was like Oh guys that's like I don't know and they're like it is and I was like you're right it is [ __ ] I was like barely legal is a selling point eighteen and a day all right so this is the Rocco thing so he said he's told a story I saw him tell a story twice he's like the Russians they came over and we are shooting a scene and then you know the men come from Russia and I say action and right away the men slapped the girl punch him in the stomach spit face and I was like and they go we watch your movies this is how you do it and then he said the best isn't there like we watch your movies this is what you do he's like this is how I know I failed if this is what you take from my movies you're not getting it right you know there's like he said like the aggression is not it's not just come out and if someone let stomach he's like there's like what this is what you know like connect and there's a given a you know a pool to like being aggressive but it's not just come out and knock somebody or I mean Roger some Freddy's did-did-did one one night in paris with Samson Savannah Samson have you seen this uh no okay so this is one of my favorite films and I have I brought this up at a dinner party one time and the end was like hey no one is like in the corner and I was like no a lot of guys are like no I think you freak some people out yeah so Savannah Samson goes on by the way I can't believe that you that like people haven't heard this this is one of those I think it's a really interesting story pull up Savannah Samson me and you did a show with her one time we did yeah remember we to do those porn star shows in in Irvine they do oh yeah yeah Hannah Sampson was on stage i she show me her [ __ ] on stage how was it it was beautiful I mean she was gorgeous she's gorgeous she was gorgeous she has a winery anyway she goes on she worked at scores she goes on Howard Stern I'm [ __ ] the story up I don't care it's better this way um she goes on Howard Stern and says one of my she's with her husband one of my dreams is to have sex with rocco siffredi 'he's mm-hmm and Stern's like oh we know him like we can we can set that up she's like I would love and her husband's like yeah I think you know she wants to get into porn that's her next step I think it's good it's good a financial decision we won't open a vineyard it's a great way to get the money to make open a vineyard let her go to let her have sex with Rutgers Freddie so he's like all right fly out to Paris I think it's Paris he goes file to Paris and I'll do a porn I'll do you a favor right so I've seen this porn he's him Savannah Sampson and another girl now the other girl is like like if he's a marine corporal and she's coming to boot camp the other girls like I just got through boot camp I still don't love it yeah but I can help you get through this so it looks like it's it right there right it's Savannah Rocko with Savannah yeah and so other girl there so they start with oral sex uh-huh and it is a gret it's clear Savannah Sampson's never had oral sex like this oh yeah it's oh yeah he's doing oh he liked doing tonsil exam he's going to send you back a different way than you arrived it's to the point where I'm watching it and I catch myself going and like and like wiping my mouth and swallowing like almost like I'm done I'm done yeah yeah like I'm ghost sucking his dick gira watched the documentary his documentary on Netflix no oh yes I oh I think I did one of my favorite parts of that is when they finally interview his wife and they're like I mean you're married to this [ __ ] guy and she was like she was like well I can't do the things that some of these girls do like who is this poor that starts with him in the shower yes yes yeah it's just a documentary oh it's a documentary yeah yeah it's a war me twice is awesome anyway back to Savannah Samson is now I mean this the one girl holding her throat Rocco's got her ponytail yeah he's got her head so she can't get out of it like it's almost like backed into a corner her heads on a couch and he's just going as deep as he can into her throat and you can see in her eyes her eyes aren't like oh this is awesome her eyes like what the [ __ ] did I spend before this is the Marine Corps like Joe said you wanted to do it movie and then and then the [ __ ] stops for a second right yeah you can see her like she's like is there an exit ha ha honey goes alright let's have sex and me and her met eyes through the screen mm-hmm and I we both said to each other through our eyes we haven't even [ __ ] him yet yeah like this is gonna be a long night like oh my god if he did that to my throat imagine what's about to happen to my [ __ ] and this is also gonna happen to my I guarantee this happens in my [ __ ] yeah he did oh that's I'm gonna need to take a couple spa days before I get back on a plane yeah yeah and he needs the [ __ ] for him for him like a [ __ ] is like a [ __ ] he's like all right it's a nice way to get started but you're turning over and you're giving me your [ __ ] that I couldn't watch the whole thing I got like I at one point I saw the pro the girl that his bro yeah like I saw her tap out yeah I was like oh my god yeah this is what the pros about to do Savannah I want to hold your hand I've seen so many with the girls like not in my house and he's like it's okay and be like no he's like it's okay he's okay and like he just walks them into it and then they're like you see the the the fear scared face uh-huh looking over the shoulder and he's like he's nice and he just gets them to do it man it's just it's his did you ever see the one where he puts a girl's face in the toilet he's done that a bunch but yeah I've seen a few of them I mean if my wife I've seen the ones where he steps on their neck what the [ __ ] like well he claims that it's the devil inside of him is that what it is yeah when they're like hey man you're doing hardcore porn and you're like 57 or what's up he's like he's the devil the devil is inside yeah he's in hell does he cuz this guy he's still doing on me too I think in his line of work he's 55 beautiful whoo people also search for Donald Trump know any D oh sorry Johnny sins and Charles Dara dude I mean it's so funny i I can't jerk off to rocco siffredi horns and because I get so just I want to help them I go like no let's get out of here let's get the [ __ ] out of here it's like jerking off to frozen yeah not frozen or whatever you know I don't know like you just and anyway who [ __ ] cares I can't do you like that moment like when the girl like you can tell it's it's a girl's like first and she's like I'm gonna rock oh and then she's like when his pants come off and she's like oh [ __ ] like she looked you could see that in her eyes she's like that's gonna be inside of me you can tell there isn't register or video something there's something that I that I enjoy and porn that I'm buzzed and I'm sure I'm gonna regret saying yeah it's the same look like I didn't love when Evel Knievel would talk brave to the to the camera to the sports interview and be like yeah we got this it's 20 I like the look right before he hit the ramp you can see in his eyes like I'm gonna be able to do this yeah like there's I that's why I like backroom casting couch yeah because you could see in their eyes like when they he'd be like it now I need to [ __ ] you in the ass and you they'd be like huh yeah look like that look like the you know what it is it's taking the performer out of the pool all right I could not connect with porn performers right girls were like I'll suck this suck this [ __ ] titty what the [ __ ] this [ __ ] I'm like nananana no one talks like that right no one does it like that you like more amateur real like real stuff like this stuff like we're Lee angels what are you doing and you're like I thought we'd try you know like like that the [ __ ] that turns you on we're I don't know if I told you this but like did I tell you about the time we went to the strip club on tour in Oh overseas nope nope it right here oh we were in [ __ ] I wish I could give this place a shout-out it was a fun place they were really in LA it was in Muncie Muncie Indiana okay and so you said this is the best strip club in the world it's not know you you recently you like the best trip I've been to was in and it was like some smaller town no Christie's in Cleveland is one of the best ones that's not the one you mentioned is this the one where the girl was getting off work did I tell you that one don't remember this okay I'll just tell the story of stock I've heard it so we go to the strip club we get done the tour and my tour bus driver ron has been calling us not such complimentary names because we don't want to go to strip clubs every night right and so then finally I got the worst hour with an F and starts with an F and it Q and so we saw an age and a M and so I'll tell you that one later so he try to go [ __ ] it let's take Ron to a strip club so I pull out like maybe like a thousand bucks or something I think you better break everyone off I go let's have fun everyone have a good time table whatever you want so I get there and they're like you were lap dance I kind of stopped getting lap dances just cuz I was it just was the last one I got was creepy and I was like I don't feel like then but I go no I'm good and then one of they just want to back up that the sentence was I've kind of stopped getting yeah okay okay it's like there was a period where I put the brakes on it then I was like it's like I just don't go to strip clubs much but I still go to them right right so uh so the girl the I'm with the owner or the manager and he's like you sure you don't want a lap dance and I was like am sure and this girl comes up she's like oh my god the machine and I was like oh what's up [ __ ] like a winter coat like [ __ ] a beanie on gloves on and she goes what are you doing here and I said I'm hanging out we just got on the show she was a god I wish I had known you were coming in I wouldn't have clocked out I just clocked out and I said oh that's too bad I said well here how much the lap dance and they'd like 20 bucks I go here 20 bucks tell everyone you got a lap dance for me she goes oh that's I wish I had given you lab sense I would love to begin your lap dance you like my favorite comic and I was like actually I go I've had of a bit about this have a bus outside and I've wanted I've wanted to do this forever because I used to have a bit about going into strip clubs it wasn't a bit it never really worked there's no one really got it what I was trying to say you [ __ ] knock him out you tie him up right Rocco you like the bit was that I go you didn't when you go to strip clubs are so almost naked that it is almost it's like happens too quick whereas like when you have sex with a woman taking her clothes off is so much fun oh right and I was like I wish there was a way they could I wish they would have a strip club would make so much more money if they had girls enclosed they'd wear to a grocery store walking around you know your mind is fascinating really yeah this is a really good idea cuz like cuz like you ever see a girl in the grocery like damn she's hot imagine if she then got naked for you I mean I don't know how you come up with okay keep going so I tell her I say you know actually I used to have a bit about this but I was about girl fully clothed getting undressed I would because that's more like what you're used to so I'll tell you what if you got the time I'll think I'll take that lap dance from you but you got to start from where you are right now with the winter coat and the hat and the gloves and the boots she was like I I've never done that I was like exactly like that's the funny part like I want to see that yeah so we go to a very public booth like oddly enough like this it was right by the front door and she starts give me a lap dance and she starts with her [ __ ] gloves and she just starts to take her clothes off like a regular woman and it is it and it it opened up a side of her that was so funny yeah she got embarrassed right like she got to her top screws oh my god I'm wearing a sports bra and I was like okay and she had like a belt implant in her stomach she had her belt on and it was like it was and at one point we were laughing so [ __ ] hard the two of us this she ended up putting her clothes back on she goes I can't do it yeah yeah and [ __ ] left and I went that's the vulnerability one that same vulnerability that I like in form where you go oh my [ __ ] kind yet that full confidence makes me actually sad yeah right go that's not you and that's not who you are yeah they're doing what the director told you to do hi grant and your and your buddy your lip through it and I can't enjoy that because I want to see someone really in control yeah and and enjoying it the high production pornos all have that excessive performance you know I mean like if it actually looks like it was it could be released in a theater then it always has crazy level job I'm gonna need this one opened you want to take that one I only had a sip I heard you drop oh um the UH you were talking about high production values oh I said that the high production value pornos always have that excessive performance the stuff that's not real you know I mean like you know the ones that look amazing like they're cinematic always have that oh yeah but and then the ones that look like they're filmed on a phone are the ones that are like usually real or at least do you think that's because I've [ __ ] for the first time before porns were popular mmm we're accessible at least that's why you like that way I like regular stuff why I don't like the high end like [ __ ] this oh my I think it I don't think it has to do with when you had sex for I mean maybe it does it just it it's not real so maybe you know maybe for a guy that's never had sexual didn't have a lot of sex he sees that he's like that's what sex is you know and so they're drawn to that like the performance of it and like people you know acting that way but yeah I think if you've had real sex you probably are more drawn to something that seems real I don't know I guess I mean it just it's like leeanne's never LeAnn's never been like I don't think she's ever said [ __ ] in her life like you want this [ __ ] well yeah but who says that he says cooter I kind of believe it all night and we'll get this cooter boys coder hi hi hi big boy well is cooter cooter getting hot sticky uh calling it now they go uh-huh you know I would believe it what does she call her vagina I had a girl that called it like had a definite word for it oh yeah I dated a girl called her as the n-word and we both agreed that was the only time you're allowed to say it oh my god oh my god did you nickname your dick on your kid John Henry what they were in like seventh grade and everyone that was given their dicks nicknames all the eighth graders were and I was in seventh grade we're all playing football yeah and they're like what do you call yours Bert and I didn't have a name but I heard that that you know Limerick of John Henry's a steel-driving man mm-hmm and so I was like John Henry and then they were like oh good name and I was like [ __ ] thank God dude there was a rumor I'm gonna call it Ernie in my high school like in my middle school that I had an enormous dick that's not true from-from we went to a sleepover and everybody was measuring their dicks you know and so no you can't I guess I measured from my [ __ ] or something I mean you know like you bet you push against yourself I just I don't know I just I just I don't remember exactly how I measured it but I remember we're all like we're all like right there with our dicks out and I'm like met everyone's got like rulers or measuring tape and whatever I said oh yeah nine and everybody was like what the [ __ ] and then that that spread in school so then when I left that school took because we moved everybody like everybody was like writing like see you later Niner and nut and then Jesus Christ yeah take care of Manuka Bowl yeah people signed like made a book you know like the girls went and they were like wish I could have seen it and then they drew a huge dick I love my and the whole time I'm like damn it does not look like that that's what that's a tough like Pete Davidson got called out as having a big dick huh and um um Pete and I I don't know he has a big dick or not I don't know anything but I've heard yeah yeah I've heard prettiest big dick but imagine if he just had a regular dick it's the worst and then but he's I do I saw him at the Knicks game he's a big dude he's like [ __ ] six four or something he's like he's like Tommy Lee's a tall lanky guy he's got big hands - yeah I told him uh yeah he's a pizza very sweet guy mm-hmm he's uh I'm told I said come out to LA man do my podcast do Tommy's podcast - all the podcasts and he was like really I was like he's like so innocent he's like Tom Subaru I thought hated me what I was like Tom [ __ ] lot everyone loves you everyone loves you Pete you're a great guy no you know I've talked to him we did um we did oddball together you know a couple years ago I think Pete probably I imagine if you're under that [ __ ] much scrutiny you started believing you start thinking people especially if you're like a legit stand-up but he's like a legit stand-up just to stand up under the Fame stuff has blown them up and and it's giving him a insane different career of like by the way his movie big-time adolescence looks [ __ ] awesome on with ber know his movie big-time adolescence looks [ __ ] boss I heard the one with birds fantastic that's the rumor in like industry is it [ __ ] is yeah big-time adolescence I told him at is he a star that yeah what is that it's the greatest [ __ ] premise he plays um he plays he him and his girlfriend break up right yeah he had formed a relationship with her little brother and her and him and her little brother state remain close so he hangs out with her little brother and he like gets him high he gets him to sell weed he gets him tattoo like he's like and he's just in corporate machine gun Kelly's in it I think I think so I can't really tell if he's not yeah but Machine Gun Kelly said yeah you're like this guy's in a movie I don't know I think he is yeah it looks like a blonde tall dude Machine Gun Kelly Pete and it looks just fun like a fun like a little more thoughtful than then then Superbad yeah but and and with hints of love that movie hints of say anything cuz it's got its thoughtful its you do you see the movie i saw the trailer said he could get me the [ __ ] i should text him and say i want the [ __ ] movie pete is somebody who has um over the last few years given me three different phone numbers for him like when i see him he'll be like oh yeah you gotta get my new number she would call him see if I got the same number I'm sure we have different numbers alright let me see your number I probably start by the way I bet he's so private he does not want people to call him on the middle of a podcast I mean here's another couple that I have whoa this is no different number there were a number yep yep I bet these are both I've been little burner phones I bet he gave me a burner phone - he was like Amen who are you again oh yeah yeah take this one down yeah can you hook me up with Tommy you need to find software but you don't want to spend all day looking use kaptara to simplify your search quickly filter options to find the features and pricing you need compare your top choices side-by-side and save your favorites and with free in-depth software guides and tools plus over 1 million reviews from people like you cafetaria gives you access to everything 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change it she went onto Squarespace and changed our website she did this and my wife does not know anything about the internet not only did it make my website more beautiful it increased our business we started selling more merch it made it easier she had her ideas and Squarespace helped them actualize her ideas onto onto the website onto the wet web and they did it with this with super easy to use templates she has a we have a blog on there we sell all our products we promote all my tour dates we promote all our online business all my podcasts I can announce events she did all this and my wife knows nothing about the internet really nothing really nothing nothing everything to optimize your business if you have a small business and you want to get a website for it you guys have a website this is your choice you can do it if the and can do it you can do it go to Squarespace calm for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code bears to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain that is squarespace.com and enter the code bears Squarespace if Leanne can do it you can do it the uh but yeah big-time in love adolescence looks good yeah great magic mean that [ __ ] now aren't you glad though when you look back that that didn't happen to you I'm like that would have been when Georgia was born when right before she was born I did Last Comic Standing to and I got all the way to like the finals or semifinals or something and I didn't make it obviously and I was so angry that I that I had ruined my career that it wasn't happening for me been to get that if it didn't happen then it was never gonna happen and I miss my I miss my window yeah when she was born you saw this I bought her a duck I saw this dog I bought her a duck and I was paying for the duck I saw I'll get Georgia I she wasn't born yet I said I'll get my daughter a present and I always remember this moment and go and someone Jim Norton goes hey man I'm sorry about you not getting the next level I think Jorm Jim Norton and gotten they ended up not he couldn't do it cuz he had to deal somewhere else and he goes sorry about you not getting the next double but hey man you congrats on the kid and I looked at this talk and I go in my head I was like oh [ __ ] Jesus I have no [ __ ] career I can't pay for this [ __ ] kid I still see that duck and they go that was the greatest moment cuz had I gotten all that summer saying you know how happy I was especially then like you know how can I am now you know how I was damn where it was just anything like who's a blind guy wipe his [ __ ] like [ __ ] do you think it would have been a disaster no it would have been a disaster I would be nowhere I learned so much but through failure of spending ten years on the road with no one coming to my shows yeah and getting angry at audiences going then [ __ ] you I'll do it my way and and and by the way having friends like you and like I always say this I hate to talk great about jokes I feel like all anyone does is talk great about Joe and then it just makes it seem like alter personality like hims making me tell the Machine story on stage and going like this guy has to tell the story on stage changed my [ __ ] career changed how I wrote material it changed everything it allowed me to be comfortable and failure which I was not you know me yeah I was not I was like murder murder murder murder always no I mean you know I've told you about I was like man I don't know if I've ever seen somebody kill the way like when I used to go on the road with you I was like Jesus Christ man there's a lowbrow [ __ ] no you well I don't mean I don't even I don't look back on young stuff I think it's what we yeah I don't think I look back on it as like I was bad stuff I just remember you just [ __ ] destroying places wouldn't be great if we had had video recorders and then and we'd recorded all that [ __ ] all those car rides I told a story about the other day someone was like I was a bar stool and they were like hey oh if you could do if you could get stats on things in your life what would your stats be what would you want to know stats on I said how many times I burp do you remember the time we were in the car yeah and you said to me you go hey how many times do you think you've been you've burped this last like 10 minutes and I went I don't think I have you go 20 times you bet we burp 20 times and I went for real and then I burped again I went oh my god I am burping you're like yeah what did you just eat like you're burping non-stop yeah oh and I was like oh no wonder I'm having heartburn yeah and then I was like you do it all the time I do it no I did it I go were in the target and then the next week you're like guess what I went to the doctor and they said it's not normal you're like hey people oh [ __ ] their pants that much now no I think you like it turns out I have like acid reflux you know I was like kid weren't you clue didn't do it if you I didn't even know I burped and you were like you burp a lot a lot me you and in back those were some of the funnest [ __ ] nights when we go to Brea yes God and how much of a nightmare is it going up after him the when we did we did the South Africa festival together right and what's great about him yeah and there's gonna come off kind of sideways mmm but he's a little bit of a [ __ ] - yeah so like if he doesn't like someone oh yeah he's very comfortable letting him know oh I don't like you yeah oh yeah I had so many people when I was on the road that I would that I would meet and they were like I opened for Ian and I was like oh what happened they're like kind of put me in my place [ __ ] I would love it I got tell me about it oh and they're like I showed up with like you know my suitcase of merch and he was like wrap it up wrap it up wrap it up yeah Ellen get up a new radio and you're gonna sell merchandise all right I loved it I loved it oh man he is he is somewhere I go how come he is not more famous he's such a [ __ ] destroyer on stage he is a nightmare to follow he would say things what was amazing to me I remember one time he would he would it was in one night two different guys had trucks two different shows he used a different joke each show about the exact same truck his crowd work is it's just it's another level I mean big enough speaking of when we talk about like we talked about Andrew Schultz mm-hmm in bags should be doing what Andrew Schultz is doing agreed agreed have the whole team foul him around yep no there's no crowd work like like Ian's it really it really is I gotta say Amy Schultz has some pretty [ __ ] fantastic no no I'm not even signed up because his crowd work sometimes is pretty [ __ ] insightful where you're like did you research [ __ ] East Indians like how did you know yeah that about this arm sheath like you're like what the [ __ ] in bags is just so quick so quick and and he can also make it out of nothing like I've done shows with him where there's just a guy there you know there's like eight people and I got one guy there's a dentist and he just starts I can making it a thing where like at the end of the show he's tagged the guy up like thirty times all every dentistry rough like it's just it's hard to describe but he just does he makes magic with it well we did South Africa he's like there's you know in South Africa there's obviously it's this huge melting pot of you know different sects and cultures and these people are from this part of town or this part of the country and they believe in this they dress you would see people like really differently dressed right I mean we're in South Africa and he goes but he's like those people die their beards orange because there's like guys with like orange beers and they're like oh yeah that's a religious thing and he's like gonna talk about that gonna talk about that and they're like I wouldn't and he's like he's like Beck's he's like I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it and he like we were like oh [ __ ] because some of the South African people were like I really wouldn't like that's not gonna go well if you do that and and he was like he's like okay okay okay I'll take my guy my comedy advice from you because you've never done it before and then he would oh so we would have an intermission should be like one like host three comics intermission every time oh I know you're going and Ian would close out the first half which was perfect because everyone was like at once they saw him they were like [ __ ] that like we need intermission after him so he went up there and he's doing his thing and you can see that he's like eyeball you're like we're alike he's definitely he's like and look at your smart you look like I don't rank a tank with your orange man he's like he's like what would make you do something like that and he would just keep tagging the guy up about dipping his face into orange dye dude the place was fault like falling apart I mean he was destroying so hard and then he gots off and then they're like I mean your way worked like oh it was just amazing dude it was amazing he is such a [ __ ] great comic we need to talk to him and say you need to double down on your business and and [ __ ] be throwing up Instagram videos every single week of him doing crowd work his work is so good and by the way it does not always work well now you may have heard the time he got punched in the Richmond funnybone bathroom gets offstage car follows him and he goes and he was like he's gonna be like a great job but think I goes hey Wham no really oh yeah he was like oh it was like oh no I did not know that November the time that I do remember the time this is one of my favorite crowd work stories ever ever ever ever I know I've told this on the show I'm Blaine have ye when you called lady a [ __ ] you know okay I don't know if I remember that one but it sounds right yeah um what was amazing about the time you called lady a [ __ ] this was like a show with like 25 people at it yeah and somewhere in Northern California no probably Sacramento and that you recovered and I couldn't believe that because everybody was like mm-hmm and then and then you were like I got her let you you got the lady to laugh that you called a [ __ ] that's a skill I don't have no no we're doing a show I stopped me if I told the story we're doing a show in Brea me you and Adam Richman not the guy from man versus food okay I mean you come offstage and you go heads up sat guy in second row is saying he's blind I don't think he's blind and I go okay and you're like just a heads up I think he's faking it and I went okay so I get up on stage and I zone it on the guy he's it's so [ __ ] [ __ ] he's got glasses he's facing another way basic another way he's like I was like yeah and you're like show's over here pal over here pal and he goes oh sorry I'm blind and I get media the way he said it I went no you're not and so I said I said I said something and I go take the glasses off and his friends are dying [ __ ] laughing yeah and also you're like you think of you these were your friends they point you towards the stage yeah that's right I go Yuri they're your friends they spin you around and he goes he goes hey man next joke and I go hey how hard is it to clear a room before you jerk off and he was like huh I said well wait hold on say have you ever jerk talked before and he goes no and I said you've never hold on you've never jerked on I go now I'm bolt call [ __ ] on that and you know I don't know man I know you've never jerked off blind how I said how hard is it to clear a room before you jerk off when you jerk off it's got to be scary to like start jerking off and wonder if your friends are in the backbone she'll tell him and he goes I don't know man I'm gonna go well how do you know how do you how do you know when you're done wiping your ass like when you got look at it right what do you push him against the wall he goes I don't know man I don't know and they go he's not [ __ ] blind and his friends are dying [ __ ] laughing I go [ __ ] you and he goes you know what [ __ ] you and he stands up and he goes to leave and his girl gets up and he bumps into so many tables I'm like okay he's definitely flying and then do you remember so so he exits when I go look at his friends I go he's blind isn't he and they go oh yeah he's definitely blind and I go what the [ __ ] how can we know all these questions they go he got blind last weekend mm-hmm wait what Nessa how it happened what happened you moved on and you you didn't hear that during the show because I remember that I told you because you were like what was up with that guy and I was alone and I was in the back of the showroom and I and I got to talk to people and then they told me they're like no no no he just became blind so much like Alexa I got to tell you that and I got to see your face I came on stage and I was I can't you right you're totally right yeah you totally right because I came offstage and you're like oh two things yeah yeah number one Adam retuned had to get you fired he was like you guys wanna file a complaint he's your complaint you should buy a looking white and then you're like number two you're gonna love this he's really blind he's blind anyway he just became lion I go that's why he didn't know about gherkin oh my go cuz he hasn't done it yet since he's been blind [ __ ] and I was like dude he filed complaint you're like yeah like oh he wrote it down he's like and you're like yeah bye get my man napkin but it makes it better get done the truth to make it funny yeah oh my god this been a really [ __ ] great episode this is a lot of fun man we gonna do one of these next week for your special I think we should I think we should yeah we could definitely do this I I'm not done I got a whole [ __ ] barrier you got three more and my phone is blowing up how how fast can you what drink that beer dare me how fast can you drink by the way I don't know if as your mom's house aired yet no okay the thing we talked about on your mom's house this week that we're talking about doing March 17th yeah I tried it yesterday you tried it a little bit and it was really difficult it was very well especially with alcohol involved would you try to do which one which one are you talking about I don't know now I'm confused the the one that Nikki Glaser does oh yeah you try it for a day I tried it for half a day no good it was really tough it's not hard breakfast sandwiches make it easy you just have those all day yeah just eat breakfast for every [ __ ] meal um that's gonna be challenging do one of these next week for your special I think so that's a good idea yeah I like that they tether our specials together yeah it's gonna be great I think I think it's how people will find mine see yours see yours find mine absolutely great to Leah's is coming out when like a week or two later we were too late erdély is gonna be [ __ ] some wish she was fatter so they could tether us together I know he's definitely not how big do you think his dick is it's probably just healthy like it's not you know I think it's plus-sized but I'm saying I bet it looks like a dildo like it looks like really just like perfect I could probably see it Oh garlic's [ __ ] hands yeah yeah how much money do you think he has tons no kids right now I mean no yes no kids for I'm talking ten years of money-making right right and he had sitcoms before even his stand-up really blew up he was a sitcom after sitcom now he's got to have a nice pile I made all my money after kids that's great oh you think yeah I mean it's better than making it and having kids are not making money right I'm like yeah but like your money you're you're not gonna I mean you're gonna pay for college but you didn't have to go to college no so maybe I oughta go to culinary school going to college and if she does I'm showing up like Rodney Dangerfield hey no class oh my god you're gonna show up to a college campus with your daughter and there's gonna be a forger I said the Georgia so for the fall to 2021 tour yeah only 21 - yeah yeah I said - Georgia - put your [ __ ] phone down no someone's just here hey well you go let her know I'll give - no no no no I got something I'll tell you a minute am I gonna see it no no it's not like that it's not like that what is it it's just somebody here who's it it's it's for a wardrobe thing Grover oh yeah so for fall 2021 I'm gonna take I'm gonna do a tour I'm gonna do all my favorite college towns that I would like to go to if I go to college yeah cool Columbus like all the [ __ ] talent like Florida State South Carolina [ __ ] doubt Dallas oh yeah SMU all the colleges where I was like that would be a cool college experience yeah and I'm gonna fly Georgia and her friends whatever friends she wants out on the bus and they're gonna hang with hang with us I'll get hotel room but they travel from city to city in those places yeah and go see college towns during the day that's great and I'm like and I want her to and then she already said she goes I want to go to community that'll be this coming fall or the next fall not this fall this fall this tours not any college sounds I don't think yeah yeah I can't wait for this [ __ ] tour for the fall I hope the Hunan virus clears up soon I'm Wu Han Wu Tang Wu Han is it what I've been calling it you said who Han Hunan Hunan yeah he thinks there's some surprise the no I hope it clears up I have an Asian tour planned I'm gonna do it [ __ ] it yeah yeah yeah I mean look I don't know yeah throw Italy in there why don't you go there oh I love Italy northern Italy do Iran maybe South Korea and then I call it a wrap yeah don't do the it could be called like the machine is asking the machine yeah testing the machine or infectious machine a respirator can't take the Machine down to take the Machine down I love it yeah I think it's not a bad idea not a bad idea at all yeah what uh was when do you announce your tour for 2020 Oh the 2022 I or no for the rest of 2020 I will edit out the thing I said to you last week where I was like you guys should do that yeah for real yeah sure I'm announcing a tour in April for the remainder of 2020 yeah and then I'm gonna announce a 2021 tour in the fall in the vault nice oh so you've already playing 2021 well it's being set up I already have holds because I'm but I'm not doing what you're doing you're you're touring heavily throughout this year yeah so I take it like a little lighter and then I ramp it up at the end of the year when are you a push gonna do a tour together and get a tour bus have the boys on there with you when they're a little older oh you mean ones 19 months I don't think so oh my god man oh oh why baby here man you saw that there's a whole white baby on the federal highway man with that probe you didn't see that no dude that [ __ ] me do you have it okay he'll pull it up put your headphones on iPhones yeah this is pretty great this is real this is real okay oh yeah you get to put it on that way yeah lovely hat thank you very much it looks expensive it's not at all really yeah I had to rent hats for a photo shoot and they were like the Gorman's will like let you borrow five hats but it cost 33 bucks unless you buy one I was like oh I'll just buy one yeah yeah that's a $30 hat I don't know exactly I wasn't paying attention to prices hey guess what well I guess fairly here you think I think you can turn it up turn the headsets up do you know that um I got a text message like just a little while ago that I think we announced that it's gonna be it's gonna be cleared it was officially cleared and they're gonna be shipped soon those two bears one cave hats with new era no [ __ ] way yes the one remember the ones that they got yeah yeah yeah that so it got approved by MLB and NBA or whatever so those are coming are you serious fitted ATS fitted hats yeah with but we can we can they gave us the license agreement to sell them hmm we're gonna be millionaire pretty exciting that's [ __ ] awesome that had to dope yeah that's [ __ ] awesome yep so well as soon as they come in out we'll announce it it'll be fun we should make a sweatshirt with those two logos that's a good idea yeah [ __ ] okay take a look at this while we are here we're on the future highway but ice was nor did baby anybody the liquor looking for a baby doll it's a baby out here in the middle of the road I never seen you know [ __ ] like this breath well beyond the future a highway bridge it's a baby I hear bread on everything in the middle of the road I'm Hannah breath in the middle of the [ __ ] Road no pants oh no shoes hombre in the middle of the highway bread we don't call one time big baby in the middle of autumn feature a highway bread hole white baby no no nothing no any parents feeling showed I should have had that guy read my audio book yep it's those last two words blended into one yeah that is [ __ ] I love his accent yeah I wish I could speak like that and not people not call me racist anybody no baby baby to October this may be just out you hold a whole wave is this kid own lien [ __ ] drunk I think I think my man just needed a nap and wandered outside what the [ __ ] I got it I love these two guys that they rescued a child how to give them a jacket jacket brother this kids like a man bodies they keep the kid for just like a couple one time I know but we've been out here by like 30 minute ain't no parent bend my hand I'm another baby Jess are you oh I hope we get to meet these white parents we get to see one he's been in a row why he was in a row man we've been eyeing about 30 minutes this dumb woman listen to her what are you doing oh just got her baby radio would he even do my school that's him mocking white people he goes look he's beifuss excuse me yeah yeah excuse me I need my baby did he even do excuse me oh dude she saw her baby that's been missing from her house in a stranger's arms on a highway she was like Caden I love that guy's [ __ ] what was the spit for we we spent a lot of time on that I just look at the camera there's a hole what baby out here bruh Oh baby bird what's weird from was he from Mississippi I thought this was a like outside Atlanta like some type of you know Georgia neighborhood I couldn't tell I don't know where the kids real house right Fitzgerald is the way I thought it someone and someone emailed in saying that that's what it was where is that it was a big area highway Miss Jerry but where does that run Georgia Georgia Oh scroll down found in Douglas Valdosta miss Georgia man driving their Chrysler 300 on the Fitzgerald Highway in coffee County they saw something ahead in the road is that right is Don karat didn't die Carius and Ontario foo so he'll go by Shawn and TZ traveling down it was done curious I mean I thought it short for oh is this an interview with them oh my go on yeah hey Douglas natives are being recognized as local heroes as Simone Jameson reports their quick thinking and actions help save it - applause hang on that query yeah when they lose the reporter Simone Jackson I didn't even hear it yes I wonder if they were like Simone we can't understand that good we send you yeah sure thing I I speak hood dye curious and do tongue go ahead it's an Ontario festival who go by Sean and T Z we're traveling down Fitzgerald Highway on their way back to Douglass Sunday when they noticed something peculiar in the middle of the highway you take a look next block over on five fours the baby standing at the mill in the middle of the road with a semi coming and that's when the men jumped into action stopping in the middle of the road to save the child wearing little more than a diaper as seen in this Facebook live video they cover the child with a sweatshirt to keep him warm keeping him in their car till authorities arrived on scene live you see my neighborhood you see no baby in the road lead a baby long white light miss me you know I had to get the baby out the road the Douglass Police Department agency now paying special recognition to Sean and TZ for their actions chief Shan Edmiston says that with the amount of traffic on this roadway the child they rescued could have easily had a different outcome it was an unfortunate situation that the child got out of the house the mom thought he was taking a nap could have been a bad situation in Charlotte Lee there's someone hadn't have seen the child and the child would have been hit the two gentleman did a great thing that day through the entire I regret that one day I'll have to shoot both of them in the back hailed as heroes but encourage anyone in the same situation to do the same thing they did I'd I had a lot of people saying well thank God kidnappers thank God y'all you know this theater baby no not being a hero what you call being Good Samaritan just trying to help we're any good magician after me James that's my favorite line it's like telling her when he's like this where I come in this is where I come in I'm reading you that is you and me on the federal highway on the highway he wasn't even close okay wait which one am i you are hmm now you're the guy who said this is where I come in this is where I come in yeah cuz I'd be like yeah I saw the baby and I took my jacket out and you'd be like and this is where I come in yeah yeah like I took my and you were like I don't care if it's white black or Asian I'm gonna rescue it and I was like and there's where I come in yeah you would be like well let's make this about me though but this is about you so streaming right now go see hey big boy it's on Netflix it's a great special congratulations thank you next week Tom Segura's ball hog on Netflix yep Oh again I got lots to talk to you about oh yeah we'd love to talk about all right we'll see it bye guys Bert Tom Tom goes tops while the other wears the shirt Tom tell stories and Bert's not machine there's not a chance in hell today Oh keep it clean here's what we call okay no scripts a bit of booze amateur for Tala G dirty jokes raunchy humor no apologies here's what we call two bears one cave [Music]

Channel: YMH Studios

Views: 981,009

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast

Id: eN55q1593iA

Length: 87min 17sec (5237 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 16 2020