Ep. 43 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

you're a big catcher in the rye fan right oh i read it because i thought it was a baseball book i started reading and i'm like when are they gonna play baseball and they never play baseball and i was like i oh i don't remember anything about that movie or about that book this episode of two bears is brought to you by ship station as folks adapt to the changing world we are all going to be buying more stuff online is true more than ever before if you're an e-commerce seller you need to ready to meet demands of our new delivery culture be ready with shipstation shipstation allows you to sell online getting a lot of orders out fast can be tough how do you keep track who gets that which shipping carrier should you use are you getting the best rates that's why you need shipstation.com fastest easiest most affordable way to manage and ship your orders shipstation helps online sellers to get any size orders out quickly save money on shipping costs and keep your customers happy no matter what you're selling whether you're on amazon etsy your own website shipstation brings all your orders into one simple interface no wonder shipstation is the number one choice of online sellers you'll ship more and less time with the best rates available and right now two bears one cave listeners can try shipstation free for 60 days when you use our offer code cave make sure your business is ready to meet the demands of delivery culture get started at shipstation.com today click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in cave that's shipstation.com enter the code word cave shipstation.com make ship happen and action okay i'll open the bottle of wine let me open it dude i've been drinking this fit vine i know we probably already did a read for it but i have legit drinking that been drinking that's like crazy i know you have do you feel like there's a place in one in in booze and or drugs where too little keeps you up at night i don't know that too little of a drug or alcohol could keep you up i mean i'll tell you that one of my favorite jokes of yours though what's up i was thinking about the other day oh please say that i haven't put her on a special no no no you've been on a special uh my one of my favorites is uh you talking about i think you say it about leanne but you say it may be about people in general who they're like okay it's time to go to bed now i will sleep now well it looks like i'm done thinking like a [ __ ] mormon hey cheers cheers man to jennifer anderson it's good isn't it it is this is their pino i've been drinking a lot of this [ __ ] like i have cases at my house on the uh treadmill i hope definitely drink by the way this was me i know that they're gonna be really upset by this but this was made to drink on a treadmill there's a guy running with a [ __ ] yeah i'm branding-wise i'm sure they're like that's actually not what we're trying to put out at all but they're saying because it's like i don't know here's the deal if you get on the treadmill at a 3.5 with a bottle of wine and oddly enough that's a walk right yeah this is the same size as like a canter that you'd hold soda like water in so these fit in there put this on a little flat part and just a brisk walk throw on guys grocery games diners drive-ins and dives have some wine by the time you get a buzz you feel good you're already broke in a sweat you want a jog and now you're running and you're running like do you remember in college did you ever did you ever like be in good shape in college and get done with the bars you're like i could either uh see if i can get a ride home or i could [ __ ] run and you just ran home no i did all the time really it was downhill and it was a [ __ ] sprint and then you get home and everyone be there and they're like why are you sweating and you can tell a story you can tell a real story it was a [ __ ] wolf so you would run home hammered i'd run home hammered by the way i used to love it how long do you run with booze like with a bottle of wine i know this is all horrible branding for fit fine no no it's not i'm just saying but you've been doing this before then i've been doing this way before i do it with a box of wine on the old trampoline so it fit better how the 3.5 is for how long three points so i get on the i get on the treadmill so what i'll do is normally this is how i'd normally work yeah so i'm trying to think the last time i did this i did this very recently what i'll do is it it'll be i'll run a straight four miles first like run first but first i run a straight four miles right and this is sober this is sober this only happens so i like to work out the mornings i already worked out this morning yeah and i like to work out in the mornings if i don't work out in the mornings it's a wash so if i have to work out late night like last night i worked out at [ __ ] 11 o'clock at night ugh i know i hate it i've seen it you can hate it but i hate the mor the morning workout oh i love cup of coffee and right into it on the treadmill walk read an article do some work on your phone yeah and then you don't even realize you've walked like a mile a mile and a half and then i go to the active is this app i use this guy akeem shout out to akeem don't stop won't stop is yeah it's he's the [ __ ] he's the best and these these are keem workouts dude he's awesome so the one i did today it was seven sprints seven that's cool seven sprints so it's super easy he's like you're training for run you're trying to run yeah i'm trying to i'm definitely trying to be i'm definitely need to be wrong with something he thinks he can beat me swimming can i say and he's but no but he doesn't know don't do it like that he doesn't know that he doesn't know that a speedo is faster than shorts oh yeah he's like i'm not gonna put a speedo why would i put on a speedo and i'm like i think i already got you yeah like the fact that you go cargo shorts he wants to race just like swimming a lap swimming a lap he thinks he can beat me in cargo shorts nah that won't happen ever and i told him i said ron i don't know i can't have this guy this brings about something else that's interesting though so we're talking to warren sapp about doing a podcast together and i'm hoping it can come together and all i mean by that is like you know there's three different people now three schedules the logistics of it all i hope it can come together for people wondering we would not put it on the same feed it would have its own rss feed its own channels no what are you talking about is it like putting it around would they because they wouldn't yeah because it's a different show so you don't want to clutter like what like people who enjoy this show is this not on your mom's house feed it is my point is that it wouldn't be like the same rss in the same feed so people who don't want that dynamic aren't like force vetted you understand yeah so so anyways one of the things that came about i was thinking about this this is really interesting i've been working on this peanut butter for people that don't know he's uh dropping peanut butter from a fork onto a cup full of pretzels it looks like you've been this is healthy it's like you're doing an art project this is healthy peanut butter well hey hold on this is what i wanted to get to shoot you and warren are actually you're both born in 1972 so you're roughly the same age okay i don't know the exact birthday i'm sure uh they'll pick that up into now by the end of the episode yeah oh wow i'm actually older than warren sapp by a month by a month okay so but here's the thing yes he's a hall of famer but he's retired right like he hasn't he hasn't been playing in a long time yeah so it's not like he's at the top of his physical game my thing is like i wonder what you think whether you think you could beat him in anything now yeah probably fencing fencing yeah what about i didn't know but i know do you understand what i'm saying i bet i bet i could pick up because i did fencing one time yeah and they actually said i was pretty amazing really like you actually have a real eye you made me kiss a button and i was like really you know kiss button means it's when you [ __ ] with someone so much they lose their [ __ ] and that's when you stab them let me just kiss your button kiss the button it's it's a it's a very popular term online right now so like i didn't know that yeah so like say if a troll comes at you yeah he's like what's up fat boy and you're like easy and they're like nah man you're like hey [ __ ] you like nah bro now bro and then all of a sudden you lose their mind like whoa whoa someone got feelings about it then you shoot your mind off and then you look like the [ __ ] they made you kiss the button i got you same thing i did in fencing because i kept [ __ ] with the dude's face he's like hey man i was like yeah and the guy was like like going this guy knows nothing about fencing yeah and we were in uh we were in colorado springs and the guy was a legit fencer yeah he was coming at me and i just kept like going hey i'm gonna [ __ ] do this and the guy was like and then he got so upset he let his guard down and i was like i just stabbed you in the chest and he was like what the [ __ ] no i can see you really upsetting somebody my whole goal is making someone kiss the button yeah but i don't think i think if you think you could outswim him i don't think so i'll tell you why because how many lobsters did he come back with oh on that yeah he's a he's a water dude like he's an ocean dude here's what about on ground no no no i like where you're going with this yeah i bet i bet in an olympic medley of my choice yeah you're doing this to me and i know you're doing this to me and i know that i'm gonna [ __ ] regret this no you're not pull up olympic at olympic competitions i can't get him i bet i better impress him and could could i get could i get some sort of like um like uh like a like a handicap oh could i get handicapped but i think the handicap should be available only in certain types of events so like i'd i would really impress him with my shot put well that's the thing is the shop hook i would guess that he would smash you into another universe i won but i won the scottish highland games not the same but the scottish highland games in long beach i've won the shot put you remember how far uh it was like 50 feet or something 60 feet sounds like some extra stuff is there as soon as it came out of my mouth i was like oh this is something you probably google and go they've no one's ever done that [Laughter] okay three and three basketball no archery yes okay write that write down the ones that that he's bet art bird thinks he could win it autistic gymnastics no autistic swimming artistic joking i'm joking um artistic swimming artistic swimming uh no still i don't think so okay hold on how about badminton yes one-on-one badminton i could take more set what about one-on-one basketball no uh-uh i know i by the way not even remotely boxing no do you think this is not see i'm looking for um beach volleyball wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what about this this is not even up there but again he's retired hasn't played in a while what if you guys put pads on music no oh you dude here's the deal do you think you can block him no why he's retired you're [ __ ] fast no no no no you're strong definitely i definitely couldn't um see the thing about warren sapp is like he is legit so like he's the guy pro athlete like i play with guys that were good in sports yeah pro athletes are a different level your level no no oh you're saying another level no my thing is i gotta i gotta make him kiss the button and other things i i see right like so i'd have to i'd have to like uh typing diving can you swallow swallow slalom okay golf golf yes i got i got him in golf right scroll down scroll down um couldn't get him in handball probably couldn't get him in hockey definitely couldn't get him in judo or karate marathon swimming no modern pentathlon click modern pentathlon modern pentathlon the overview okay pointing at something shooting a gun i bet i could what is modern pentathlon i don't know oh it's no it's horseback riding running so go faster go faster the essence of the sport we're not gonna we'll just pick five different things keep going shooting i think i i think i'd have a i have a shot on shooting like target shooting wait i was surprised with the swimming thing though you don't think you could out swim him no because he's diving no because no he the way he's like he's a water rocker he's a water guy like he legit lives on the water yes fishes dives for lobster like i florida dudes i've been away from the water so much that my confidence in the water is down like it really is down what happens after that that young lady died in that lake i started going yeah that was that's a [ __ ] thing tennis yes tennis yes yes everyone i'll beat you and everyone you'll beat intensity i won't beat him in table tennis see that's something warren probably did every day at miami at five o'clock yeah what about weightlifting no what about wrestling definitely beat him in triathlon you definitely beat him in trouble i'm the only one that's done triathlon definitely definitely believe him in triathlon give him a run for his money in wrestling do you realize how quickly he would kill you but see the thing like like his hands like this movement yeah like i bet it happens so fast you don't see it you wouldn't really experience the pain until after it wouldn't be until later in the day when you're like why is my ear hurt now you'd be like how come i don't hear anything over here anymore i can't clear my ear no your jaw's broken what my jaw broke you wouldn't know how to spell anymore [Laughter] yeah the thing about that's interesting is that you know i'd love to see we should put together that challenge like all the ones that bert just so we can we can read this off to warren later hey warren hope everything's well with you just so you know bert thinks he could beat you in archery badminton canoe slalom golf tennis a triathlon event and give you a run for your money in wrestling i don't know i wonder if he that would be cool to see get him a paper towel please no no no we're good on this but it would be cool to see retired athletes go head-to-head i think they've done that what really yeah they've been like really spicy really it was really [ __ ] spicy do you like it or no absolutely i like it a lot um but yeah like you think lauren has a sense of humor about that stuff like about or do you think like he just texted us do you really yeah here i'll ch do not say hey burst things are gonna beat you in a bunch of events that's not the way to get this podcast started oh yeah you do let me know yeah yeah we'll give him a shout out i won't tell him that yet i think it'd be better he's got to get to know me before he can understand my trash talk i think he actually has a we were trash talking in that group of texts today remember i don't read them okay i don't read i don't like i read the last one if it applies to me i reply to that one give it [ __ ] you ever read the ones from joe where you're like where they're like you all you see is just white white and your blue ones all the way up here and you're like i think that we've switched topics yeah yeah yeah of course big group one yeah the yeah i here's my question this peanut butter is actually really [ __ ] good but the work it took to get this peanut butter up and running is exhausting now i would argue that washington carver who created peanut butter every time i thought about that i thought he created this type of peanut butter the peanut butter you could do this and nothing happens yeah he just created the one with [ __ ] jizz all over the top of it yeah and he was like well that's probably this is processed yeah but i had always envisioned processed peanut butter oh he created peanut butter it wasn't even that good like think no think about it for a second like this peanut butter is good because fixing the frog fix on the fog is this peanut butter it's actually a really good peanut butter but yeah but no but no but but hold on okay these are hippies that are trying to get back to the roots and they put some smoke and fire in it but like if you go to the store and just get peanut butter like just healthy peanut butter which what is what george washington carver made i'm not [ __ ] on george washington cover but i'm saying he made healthy peanut butter and then gave it out and everyone's like this is [ __ ] good he didn't even put jelly with it he just gave you peanut butter and they were like okay does that make sense no it makes a hundred percent hold on hear me out hear me out by the way what [ __ ] raccoon open this peanut butter i don't know this is this makes me not want to touch the peanut butter that it looks like a talon went through the top like this it looks horrific which one of you knuckleheads did that oh never mind that makes sense this podcast is brought to you by tushy with tushy did you know you used 80 less toilet paper i know how to use 100 i mean just let that thing run it's a fire hose yeah it's a fire hose you can break up your use of toilet paper paper and use treat your butt right with tushy wiping your butt with dry toilet paper doesn't remove all the [ __ ] if you got [ __ ] on your hand would you just wipe it off with a piece of cloth no no you'd wash your hands right yeah well until she does that it sprays clean water not toilet water into your ass toilet paper is for barbarians that's what i said you think all these people are sitting there with nasty bacteria that leads things like hemorrhoids yeast infections itu's utis itchy [ __ ] skid marks but days are common in the rest of the world i remember the first time i used one in japan i'm barely saying these words and a bidet will save you money on toilet paper sprays fresh water onto your ass not toilet water it connects to the water supply behind your toilet to spray your dirty parts with clean water it's all i use and it starts at just 69 go to hellotushy.com bears to get 10 off your order that's hellotushy.com bears but no but when you think about like so i used to have a joke one of my first jokes was that i wrote was george washington carver created peanut butter but his and he also could make a car combustible engine run off the peanut oil as well his big mistake was that he introduced peanut butter and jellies first and he was like all right guys i'm gonna pass these sandwiches out and then i'm gonna tell you all the cool stuff i can do with a peanut and they're like these are good and he's like hold on that's just where we're starting first i can they're like wood give me milk and he's like hold on guys hold on i have a lot of stuff i want to talk about like no these are really really good man do you make these all the time he's like it's just a sandwich guys they're just appetizers okay and they're like if you ever put these on celery it's like stop guys i can make i can cure the world with a peanut that was like a joke it was never i think someone ended up doing something like it but it just dawned on me he made shitty peanut butter wait a minute like he didn't make the peanut butter we grew up on that is an uncrustable but that's probably like a hundred years after his invention or whatever my point is how unimpressed would you have been with that peanut butter if you're like oh oh it's good man i don't i need some water to wash it down my mouth just has [ __ ] pastel in it right now there's no [ __ ] flavor whatsoever and there's no jelly there's no honey it's just peanut butter just huh i think you would have been more impressed actually i think you'd have been like you made that peanut thing into a paste this is crazy man it tastes just like the little peanuts but it's like a cream i think you would have been more into it yeah and it'd be it would be soaked in oil but you wouldn't know about the processed gif kind well you would have gotten the oil you have gotten the oil in your like so what do i do with this oil and you sipped it you got to take 30 minutes to blend it up and he's like what he's like take a spoon and do this for 30 [ __ ] minutes until you can turn it into a page you're like this seems like a lot of work george washington carver he's like where do you see how i make an engine run by the way what else could george washington carver i'm gonna get canceled for this [ __ ] conversation what else could he make a peanut do i'm breaking this plastic spoon this one is actually i got to give a shout out to fix and the fog this is actually a really good peanut butter is that what he looked like he was a good-looking man debonair i might say america's scientist from his worst get tuskegee tuskegee carver developed approximately 300 products made from peanuts these include floor flour paste insulation paper wall board wood stains soap shaving cream skin what's going on george washington carver made so many things out of peanut butter but they're all like lotions shaving cream skin lotion soap i bet when he came walking around the corner like here comes george harper i smell did you shave with that stuff he's like yeah i shave with it is that it he's like no use it yeah i take a bath with it yeah you just cover yourself with people like pretty much did you grow up on a peanut butter you're feeling sick you should eat some peanuts feel better this is my impression of everyone invited with george washington carver hasn't come to the dinner party yet right do not bring up this guy peanuts crazy for peanuts whatever you do stay away from the subject of peanuts oh hey george how you doing nothing all right my point is this peanut butter is so much better than the old school peanut butter not not this actual one's actually really good but like the kind you get is just so flavorless you okay do you have is your favorite only the processed kind then yeah well let me if you if i said hey make me a peanut buttery sandwich and you brought back natural peanut butter yeah i'd be like oh you homeschooled oh right what is your preference for the the big brand processed ones jeff jeff jeff it's got to be jeff right i i'm skippy and then and peter pan right skippy no no i don't like cross promotion i don't like that [ __ ] you're selling me on some stuff i believe that as a kid just just don't put that in there i don't know why because i could see you're about to do it no it wasn't but i'm gonna do it don't no don't don't don't worry we'll [ __ ] that one all up don't do it why hold on why do you think this would [ __ ] this one up as opposed to make this one better just get a different form what if what if hold on why are you married to these people you can take these home what if i cut half of this with this and really made it something special i think it's going to be good okay hey do you have any bread uh do we have something to try it on i guarantee you if you put half jif in here it would blow your [ __ ] mind you guarantee that i guarantee it it's like putting coconut it's like putting get more a fork get forked a couple of plates putting coconut milk in curry it just makes it better yeah if you put coconut milk in anything is [ __ ] better i remember when they first started doing those when i first met rogan and everyone was doing the almond milk shakes yeah and i remember saying the duncan i was like these are [ __ ] awesome he's like i know right and then i heard joe go you guys are using unsweetened right and duncan and i weren't and i was like was there a difference he's like i checked calories it was like 340 calories per cup and you're like oh no wonder i like them they're filled with [ __ ] sugar but yeah i guarantee you if we cut you'll see you'll see we'll do a taste test what do you say about that huh yeah let's do a taste let's do a taste test do we have a plate and some pretzels i like it okay thank you and i feel like now i'm getting phased out of the fit vines not gonna like this here we go put you up here fit fine okay so here's what we're gonna do okay i feel like i don't have enough product for this experiment no good call good call good call we'll use the top of this oh i wasn't planning on that i think he's getting placed right now are you getting plates enough hey do you see the text i sent him the other day and called him nasal no i was like hey nasal it was like spell check i was like my spell check's [ __ ] anti-semitic okay okay by the way there are people watching this going i already know where this is gonna go which is gonna be [ __ ] amazing really all right so here's just raw dog okay okay here's raw dog okay here is jiff okay now i want you to i feel like i'm gonna knock something over here is jeff plus raw dog i guess i should say the name of their product uh not fog fog and you're gonna stir those together you think that's gonna be really good this is gonna be [ __ ] phenomenal because you know what it's got all the health of fixing fog but all the enjoyment of jiff this does look like i'm playing with [ __ ] doesn't it okay so let's try a little taste test okay okay so we're gonna start with fixing fog which is a real you don't need to you can just use one of these for fixing fog all right but i've already done it so i'll eat this one fixing fog a little spicy don't do too big of a bite so we won't be talking okay a little good but it's natural peanut butter so you're missing a lot of those natural processed sugars right nice because it's got a smoky hint yeah but now let's go jeff old school jiff see the thing about jiff right yeah big hunk of it because it's processed right you can really get a [ __ ] dick load of it oh good yeah i mean yeah it's got strokers in it it's jiff yeah and by the way this all leads into our fit vine sponsor less sugar tannins all right ready peanut butter and wine are really good um yeah it pairs nicely with the pinot noir it does okay so that jif was good all right now now take a look at my eyes oh [ __ ] look at this look at the more i could put on because of the process yeah i'll take a first bite and then you look into my eyes okay that's the way to go i don't like what i got into that is really [ __ ] good it's got the the subtlety of the hint and the heat but it's got like the processedness and the sugars with this is why you need me as a best friend it's pretty good we just solve a mystery together i bet and it's really [ __ ] good right because it's got it's not overwhelmingly processed but it's got the natural [ __ ] of this but it's got the processedness yeah have you done this before no i've never done this i just came up with this today i looked at this and i it just looked good because it said smoking heat so you got the heat of this like the bite on the back of the tongue yeah but you can get a lot of it in your mouth because of the processedness yeah there's a good combo along with processedness i wish george washington carver had thought of this by the way the [ __ ] was he thinking how if i go into a time machine right now if i get sucked into a time machine and i'll send him in george washington carver's pitch meeting and i'm like hold on hold on george give me that give me some of your soap i'm sure what i'm saying is sacrilege in today's culture even mocking george washington carver at all yeah but it's not but he's just a person i'm not i'm [ __ ] i'd make fun of let's okay let's do it to einstein maybe not a jewish guy but maybe give me a give me let's play a game you ready to play a game okay guys in the back i want you to pull up a list of president's names and i want you to make up names of would-be presidents versus real presidents the ones we don't know who do we not know i would say half of them you think we know half there's only been 45. i bet all right let's see who can name the most presidents okay okay let's go back and first first one to tap out okay you guys got a list of the presidents up guys i want you to play along at home okay oh this will be like a viral clip oh guys this is about to go viral i want you to play at home this is bert christopher and tom sagura from two bears one cave listing american presidents and then we'll do korean north korean presidents yeah i don't know that many presidents i can name all north korean presidents well no i'm saying yeah but i don't know i don't know you're right i don't know that many u.s presidents yeah okay let's start here we go i'm gonna start off okay okay barack obama george washington abraham lincoln george h.w bush his dad or his son the other one whichever one you said george w bush okay was that it george yeah yeah harry truman uh fdr richard nixon um ronald reagan gerald ford richard up jimmy carter he's a peanut farmer okay uh james madison is he a president sounds like it oh andrew jackson well yeah was that bright though yeah james madison was a president yes hence madison and wisconsin oh i'm guessing donald trump god damn it i was holding on to that one i was afraid you were gonna not say it um grover cleveland oh lyndon johnson john f kennedy yeah i think i'm pretty much done um there's got think let's think right so george washington was first who's number two i don't know his son no i'm kidding brimley okay hold on so we're at how many did we list um i don't know like 10 10 10 10 each no 10 no we did not listen more than 10. he's not been counting yeah i've just been uh cross-referencing it with this list oh so do you have the names we didn't list uh yeah i mean i'm looking at the list there's a bunch of names you didn't say yeah are there any obvious ones um you guys said gerald ford right gerald ford yeah did you guys say ronald reagan you always said ronald reagan uh hang on hang on stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop uh let's think uh after truman was what [Music] married uh all right i think we're done with this game zachary taylor zachary taylor zachary taylor okay okay so now here's what i'd like you to do take a list of the names that we didn't name okay and i want you to come up with names that are similar i'm [ __ ] there a bunch of wigs in there that i'm thinking of yeah they're a bunch of wigs and uh i want you to take and look at the names that we didn't name and then i want you to come up with names that are semi-similar okay meaning take a look at their vice president take a look at a name that we would might also recognize and then i want you to give us both names and we've got to decide if that was an american president or not an american president meaning meaning so you name a name that is an either american president or not and then we're gonna go that guy was never president or that was our president okay does that make sense yeah yeah okay this episode of two bears one 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natural ingredients antioxidants vitamins all you got to do is take two capsules before your first drink and then bam goes to work double up take another packet if you're having a big night i'm telling you it's that easy it is a key to my drinking and it's how i'm able to run 16 miles every day and have a bottle of wine on the treadmill dhm detox is a risk-free purchase so if you aren't satisfied after taking the product they will give you your money back on the first box it's a no-brainer you have nothing to lose and all to gain we've got percent off of your orders and free shipping in the u.s just head to no days wasted dot co slash bears and use the promo code bears at checkout that's no days wasted dot co slash bears and use the code bears at checkout i can show you how to do it if you want to like you say zachary taylor uh no here's a good one i just all right here's a good one is this guy a president or not a president franklin pierce who franklin pierce no no wrong he is a president who's the president whoa oh yeah 14 horrible dude cancel him keep going do you think that they're doing cancer cultures just because they don't want to learn history probably who else you got uh rutherford b smith yes rutherford b hayes oh burt got it yeah bam yeah well i love had [ __ ] been teaching isle at home lately keep going james harrison i think he was a defensive back for the steelers he was a he was a outside linebacker and uh like defensively james harrison you this is nadav you're doing really good on this you're doing really really good because the james is correct james is right yeah well the harrison sounds right right yeah it does that's why it's a good one but yeah oh this is a fun game come up with president it's not accurate it's not it's not he's not a president correct all right that was benjamin harrison benjamin harrison mm-hmm what about benjamin franklin was he not a president no he never was the president wait why is he on 100 i thought that was only because he discovered lightning because he discovered lightning in a bottle right he put a key on a kite and was like got it and they're like here's a hundred dollar bill they're like yeah that's [ __ ] amazing do it again he's like do it again but you gotta put me on money and they're like okay it was like the first shell game all right give us another name and by the way how many do we have left that we didn't name i mean north of 30 like there's a lot you guys didn't say yeah that makes sense i thought we named all the 20 smartest friend who's our smartest friend who's our smartest friend um who's someone you know who you know who would definitely know who kevin christie you think i think he's a smart guy call kevin christie tell him as quick as he can lift off as many presidents as you can okay if he gets one out of our group then he wins let's see this is a fun game let's do more smart guy stuff yeah hey kevin we're doing um right away uh two bears one cave right now okay um bert said like who are like some of our smartest friends and i go i think kevin's really smart so um well prove it well here here's the criteria we're going with like can you name are you are you good with history and that you can name a bunch of us presidents um i could name a handful i think how many okay how many do you think you could name kevin uh over 10 15 i think i think all right we're we're we're pretty settled obviously on the 20th century let's go let's try to go just name them off name them off camera okay okay start naming them off we got them ready go washington jefferson lincoln hold on he said washington lincoln uh jefferson taft we didn't laugh yeah i'm not going in order yeah yeah of course of course this green oh my god was the president yeah yeah andrew jackson yeah both bushes uh yes clinton unfortunately oh my god we never knew we never named clinton how the [ __ ] did we forget clinton okay keep going hoover yeah come on hooverville j edgar not j edgar hoover there's the fbi director yeah kind of backfired what else you got uh nixon yeah johnson yeah uh carol ford jimmy carter ronald reagan uh we said the bushes who was before nixon kennedy yeah yeah uh who's before kennedy eisenhower oh jesus christ tom i thought i thought we had this point is that straight down you know what's crazy is that i was a history major and my one of my thesis was in the history of u.s presidents are you serious well we already did all their uh first ladies names yeah there was tifty bunny zappy hillary anybody else can you think of anyone else uh who was before eisenhower well we did right we had it was typical we had truman we had oh yeah truman yeah fdr fdr we did him yeah he had the roosevelts yeah i can't think of anyone else god that was already so much better than us yeah it was really good do you read books do you read books kevin i do read books yes yes like what's the book you're reading right now you know that movie spotlight sounds like there's a movie spotlight that's about the uh investigation of the archdiocese in boston uh yeah yeah yes yes i did see that yeah i love that movie so i'm reading the book yeah all the articles they keep they keep trying to bring us down as catholics but i'm uh listen uh you you have a checkered past oh oh man we didn't do anything i didn't do anything wrong a lot of things and we didn't do anything wrong sweet is the books is the book hotter than the movie [Laughter] bert wants to know this movie is great i've watched the movie like 20 times really yeah that's a [ __ ] reason weird that's so weird pick me up kevin it is an odd pick but it's such a good movie the writing is so good and the guy who wrote it was on the wire so that's oh yeah that is writer director yeah um yeah you got us man i think i'm glad i made this call now we know who our smart friend on this show is yeah whenever we want smart stuff you're our first call whenever we need a black guy we call russell peters whenever we need a smart guy we're calling you don't overlook david taylor david taylor's very smart too well he would crush me in the presence he would for sure have more than me yeah yeah i'm smelling a segment what's the segment a nerd off a nerd off a tom and i will be the meathead friends and you have to communicate to your answers to us via like a cheat a cheat yeah oh i love this idea okay i love this and then whoever wins you just call us [ __ ] yeah yeah we're like good job [ __ ] and then we we throw a milkshake at your head and then that segment's over it's too bad you won you loser and then you just throw up yeah i like this idea i like this idea it's like it's like a mathlete but me and me and david david taylor versus you and kevin yeah and they have the answers but they've got to figure out a way to communicate them to us in a non-traditional sense of communication okay i think it's like password yeah it's like password but well like we're blindfolded and they've got to do it through our bodies like you to be able to allow to be allowed to still ethically boldly people like me where like you pay us we're like like you know sex workers but for you to be like shoot up [ __ ] coward and push us on the ground like we allow it so you can get that out of your system yeah i like that idea a lot see this is this is turning into something better jesus kevin you got a ton of ideas we're like you get to put on your letterman jacket like it still fits at this point i walk down like a fake hallway yeah we're actually we're actually doing really good on our diets yeah really yeah we're not mixing peanut butter to figure out the best combination hey what do you know about george washington carver nothing oh well look looks like looks like there's a new nerd in town yeah i'm here's the thing i would never profess to be a genuine smart person really not really i think people walk away from talking to you feeling like you're pretty smart man most of our friends are idiots that's probably true too i think that's it you're right yeah it's not hard to look like a good swimmer in a pool full of drowning people yeah yeah i'm the tallest man in a village full of tiny people yeah yeah it's like the guy with the biggest head with a room full of small headed people that's not an analogy that people make it's like a guy with a ton of ears with everyone with no ears okay all right we just keep doing this yeah it's like a guy with a bottle opener when no one's got a bottle opener it's like a guy who's got six hands and no one's got hands there you have it there you go i got it all right uh kevin thank you for answering i appreciate the uh the intel thank you kevin no problem we'll talk to you later man bye we really screwed the [ __ ] pooch on that i i can't believe how many like all that when he started to say it i was like yeah of course tav grant of course i didn't know you left his grandmother i thought he was just [ __ ] i've been to his [ __ ] house is this another jennifer anderson story no no [Laughter] no i mean grant's farm you know st louis oh for real yeah from st louis yeah he's from missouri yeah i don't know what yeah i've been to grant's farm i'm like what the [ __ ] it's amazing of all the [ __ ] we don't know you know i mean i think we should have known that yeah but can i tell you what's wrong with intelligence yes yes this i'm trying to work this out is that working it out now i'm i'm trying because it is a real theory it's my problem with is what happened with nick can and i we kind of sticked on it is that if you're an unintelligent person and you read a book you are still going to process that information like a stupid person would oh so like you're just getting more information to turn stupid does that make sense no okay i'll give you an example i'll give an example so uh say say you're a dumb person right okay and you read the book empire of the rising moon i think that's the name of it so book rogan uh recommended if you're a dumb person you're going to read that and you're going to read it as a dumb person and process your information as a [ __ ] and then translate it as a [ __ ] like you're not going to just because you read it doesn't make you smart right you're still stupid right mm-hmm does that make sense i see what you're saying like i'm trying to say like like but i'm gonna use nick can as an example because he's already out there but like he read a couple books about muhammad and didn't read the love and good [ __ ] he just read negative [ __ ] like he just saw he processed it in a dumb person's way muhammad like well i don't know by the way this is why i shouldn't even be talking about this because i don't even know the [ __ ] book he read but like but like if you read a book and you're a [ __ ] yeah the bible perfect example how many people read the bible and are morons and then go oh that means no butt [ __ ] you're like that's not the point that the book's about right yes and you're like no you should read the bible and then go oh love one another and then process it as an adult and go don't kill anyone don't [ __ ] try to [ __ ] your neighbor's wife but like also you gotta get ahead in business like and yeah you're not gonna get that way by [ __ ] canceling gays and holding science saying goddesses i think i think i get what you're saying which is like if you are just cause you read doesn't make you smart it just makes you more dumb with more information you're more informed but still stupid still stupid yeah so don't [ __ ] read if you're stupid well don't read if you're stupid if you're stupid just stay away from books i mean how is this how's this say you're stupid say you're stupid and but you're really good with your hands right yeah and then you're sitting in your garage one day and you're all your buddies around you're popping tops someone passes around a joint they're like hey man you read this book the illuminati and you're like i don't really read they're like but this is the book you should read like all right and next thing you know like god damn it they killed tupac and you're like no that he had a band called the illuminati same same yeah it's like don't give intelligence don't give dumb people access to become intelligent well i i think i i mean by the way this is a everything i do is skewed in a comedy sense so i'm trying to come up with an idea that is at one point funny but there is truth behind every idea go for it tom well i think a lot of what you're talking about is like taking in information in sound bites like people watching a news segment or and then thinking they're fully informed this is kind of like that stunning krueger you know is really what almost what you're speaking about people what you just said danny krueger is like the idea that um someone's an expert when they know just like they've read a headline an article and all of a sudden they you know they're they're now an expert in that field like basically uh a phenomenon that's happening more so in the era of reading less so it's people are consuming things like you know a blurb a headline a social media post and then they're like i know i know everything about that topic now got it whereas i think you could make the argument that if somebody were to really consume books where you're actually having to devote yourself to consuming you know 300 plus pages of something and that's one and then you know then you read your next book your next book you might over a period of time become an expert in the thing you're actually reading if you're putting in that type of that type of time to read it to actually fully grasp the topic well the thing is you're not really becoming an expert if you see a news segment or you read one article and you're like i got that subject down now i'll tell you where this comes from we were talking about this before this started right yeah and i'm reading that book fly boys about the war in the pacific i'm so which is crazy that you're reading a book at all yeah at all yeah by the way at all especially a book that isn't like there's pictures in it but like it's super thick and they're big pages you did say it was funny when you started talking about you go to japan's i did say that yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm not see that's a perfect example it's like there was a point where i where i was like i was i was explaining to leanne what i'm reading and she said hey you got to be really careful with this information because this was 200 years ago and you feel like it's happening yesterday and i was like oh yeah you're right like i'm like i get i'm reading this stuff about how japan behaved in the russo-japan war and in the rape of china and i'm like and i'm and i'm going like all right that's not japanese people today like like but but but you also go i bet there are people that read that book and go that's why i don't like them you know yeah yeah and you go then super people shouldn't read that book oh i see this 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start with the [ __ ] story like i got really upset yeah did you give it no i started reading it and it's amazing it is amazing because i didn't know anything about this i didn't know anything about any of this yeah i didn't know anything about so the book is about what's the book called it's called fly boys it's about by the way i don't even really know it's about yet because uh a bookstore sent it to me um a bookstore sent it to me because i do these unboxings on my um on my instagram stories where i if you send me stuff to my po box 707 north hollywood 906 91603 i think it is if you send it to me i'll open it and if you have a business i try to promote it yeah it's just we do an unboxing thing too yeah it's fun it's fun you get some cool [ __ ] sometimes it's where i get all my minor leagues this is so a bookstore goes yo we're a local bookstore we're open people don't know that would you put this on your thing so i put it up on my thing and they sent me this book bill bird read it and he was like you should really read it bill recommended it man he reads too that's what i said well i think it's because it's about planes oh and so it's such a great book that i have never in my life read a book where you like i didn't buy the audiobooks i go i want to read it i'm enjoying reading it because it's just filled with [ __ ] information i didn't know that japan i knew japan was an island but i didn't know that that meant that no one left and no one got on so japan is so in a weird way like ethnically japan yeah that there is a it is and so like stuff like that very homogenous society yeah and they had a period of peace for 200 years but like my brain processes that and i was like yeah cause there's no [ __ ] white people there like but then i'm like oh don't say that but just read just read like in order to process information and not say horrible [ __ ] you know what they call uh gaijin is what they call uh white people i think by the way see i don't even know the information i read and i'm repeating it yeah and it's not even correct i don't you it's almost like the story hi no i think it's called gaijin gaijin almost like the thing you're trying to say is that uh that you shouldn't read books [Laughter] by the way i don't know that it helps reading yeah no but you're having you're you're thinking about things you're learning things you're talking about things i think what i do like i read i read a what's the guy that wrote the book with the camel cigarettes on the front with this you know what camel cigarettes on the front the guy that read the book he wrote the book with the camel cigarettes on the front really popular writer everyone loves a guy camel cigarettes on it still packer yeah still life in a woodpecker what the [ __ ] still why for the world you know tom robbins i'm a bigger tom robbins fan you never read this book no are you serious yeah oh see my brain read this book and then i oh i i can't tell you what this book's about i couldn't tell you do me a favor give me two synopsises of two tom robbins books and i've read a couple i'll tell you which one i couldn't tell you i'll be honest i'll tell you which one i think it is can i tell you what my takeaway from tom robbins book says yeah that one book was that no one asked dolphins to grow up no one has dolphins to grow up no one asks dolphins to grow up my whole time i read that book all i thought was i'm a [ __ ] dolphin everyone's asking me to grow up and be more mature i'm a [ __ ] dolphin i like to jump out of the water i like to [ __ ] run around i'll come up to your boat be like that's all my only takeaway from that book the whole time i read it i was like and here they are asking the dolphin to [ __ ] put a shirt is is that what the book is about i have i could not tell you what that book's does the book ever say the word dolphin i have can you type in still life of the woodpecker leanne's read the book still life of the woodpecker dolphin and see if anything comes up and sometimes i'll read a book and i'll just go i'll grab one thing out of it and the whole book i'll fixate on that one thing you have so many tabs open it's giving me anxiety what does it say quote by tom robbins cubans have evolved to their you getting anything oh yeah yeah because they seldom grow up dolphins right there where right there yeah and so the whole time that the whole book i don't know what that book's about but that one quote is the only thing i remember that from that but that's great then because that gives you like it made you feel a certain way it changed your perspective in a certain way you're really favorite book you've ever read okay how about this ready yeah favorite book favorite movie favorite artist like like hip-hop or what like music or whatever okay go whatever comes ahead first i know i'm trying to think of like um a favorite book i don't know that i have a book where i'm like man what's one that you read that was really good well there's different ones for different reasons right like you know i remember like the first time i read um like the four agreements where i was like wow i felt like so inspired by like the fact that he broke down these simple things you know same thing like the war of art not the art of war the war of art same thing the war of arts the silver book yeah that's that that's a badass like so those are like more like um life you know motivating kind of stories how many people read the secret and [ __ ] them up did you ever read that no yeah cause remember we were together when the secret came out yeah and we were talking about it and we're like seems ridiculous yeah i just i kept hearing people summarize it and i was like i don't need to read that i don't know the other one's effect i do that with a lot of books but like um you're a big catcher in the rye fan right oh i read it because i thought it was a baseball book i i'm being dead [ __ ] serious i was you don't read it when you're an adult you read it when you're a child yeah and i was like catch me in the rye i'm gonna catch her i'll do it let's do it i started reading and i'm like when are they gonna play baseball and they never play baseball and i was like i oh i don't remember anything about that movie or about that book at all i don't remember anything about that book holden caulfield's his name yeah um i remember reading it i think freshman his brother killed himself or something i don't remember i've read it in a long time okay i'm gonna go i'm gonna go i was first and then i want you to go top ten books i've ever read here we go top ten i'm gonna do ten books top ten books let me just rephrase that ten books i've read ten books i've read that i can recall okay okay i'm gonna go from like closing the book where you're like god one more of those okay fear and loathing in las vegas definitely read that do you read it no oh i i think it was good i can't tell you if it was good it was just one of those books i read uh postman buckowski i've never read any post office what's it called close some of those tabs or i'm gonna come in there close some of those tabs i mean come on all right is is it called post office or i read that uh bukowski he worked at the post office and he he wrote he wrote like in the most crude direct and i i don't know just very like i've never read oh yeah man you've never read any book i've never read any yeah i remember when i started dating christina she was like she [ __ ] read like a nerd oh she's got hundreds of books see would you ever marry a woman that didn't read it was like books are stupid you know yeah right but we're that guy and they married us like we'll fix him yeah so she gave me this she had like philosophy books but she was like oh when she she was reading some book about like some philosopher was like you know i piss in an egg and eat the egg hunt or something i start laughing and she's like i think you'd like buckowski i was like and uh i was like give me and i yeah i devoured like three of his books so post office is the best that's the that's his most well known one if i remember all right going on amazon buying it right now okay all right uh because he was an alcoholic right uh yes like a hardcore like worst like i i think i'd get along with him all right okay that was then this is now you know that one no but i think it's by essie hinton the outsiders but these are all books i read when i was young that i was like i'm gonna get into reading uh the firm everyone read the firm in college yeah i think i was cause i'm you're a little younger than you i think the one that like was more of the explosion was for me was right after college i feel like is when the dan brown won what was his book the [ __ ] yeah i know the one davinci code davinci code read the davinci code yeah yes i love when those books come out i love when a book like that comes out that one i feel like transcended every social you know group and demographic that was like a worldwide phenomena you know more like that like hey writers can you just do more [ __ ] like that like where you're like hey like this everyone's gonna like this [ __ ] yeah that that was very much like a bra and like some people are i know super critical of his writing style stop with that no more of that like how about this since we're doing like a cultural cleansing in our country yeah let's clean up with these [ __ ] authors no more [ __ ] that no one can read no more [ __ ] where you just gotta go like i'm lost i gotta read that paragraph over again yeah let's do light easy stuff dan brown dan brown home run james patterson home run yeah guy who wrote the firm grissom home run yeah he does those yeah and if you want to be an alcoholic and write the post office home run what was the [ __ ] jurassic park guy home run brighton michael yeah yeah home run let's what are we doing with thoughts i'm reading this book about breathing and i've told this like number of times i'm still reading this book it's really hard to read about breathing why it's just a lot of breathing you just end up breathing a lot and then you start having a panic attack and you just fall asleep so you end up this is it's like reading a book about closing your sphincter you'll end up closing your sphincter a lot yeah but if you read a book about breathing you just end up going am i doing it right like it's it's it's a little too much it's meta i don't even know but um i read recently i met uh i read 10 minutes to kill this bottle tommy all right i read the subtle drink responsibly i didn't mean it like that i read the subtle art of not giving a [ __ ] and i also read the uh the coddling of the american mind yeah i read that see i didn't know do you count listening to a book as reading it at a dinner party if you say it out loud if i go i read a book and you go did you read it you're like i listen to it i mean yeah i guess right because then how are you gonna like i drive a lot here these are the books i've listened to this recently okay okay empire the summer moon white fragility brief breath or breathe i said brief uh the bitcoin standard splendid vile yeah guns germs and steel i read that book yeah gun germs and steel is phenomenal that's diamond yeah but that kind of that kind of like can be honest like what that's a book that i go you shouldn't read if you're not intelligent right because it kind of throws up a little bit of like sometimes it throws up like eugenics a little bit right they're like this is why africa hadn't done anything well and you're like yeah like hold on i don't know i don't know if [ __ ] should be reading that well i the way that you summarized it is not it kind of is i mean like well no okay you're 100 right but that's a [ __ ] telling you what he read okay and that's why i say and by the way i'm smart enough to know don't try to quote that book and like i'm empathetic i don't know if i'm smart enough but i'm empathetic enough to know that that's not what i read per se but you could read that into that right yeah if you wanted to like really miss analyze and and and kind of skim over stuff you could i guess summarize it that way i think what am i saying though in that because you know what i'm talking about i know what you're saying because essentially what gum guns germs and steel is telling you is like i mean even i'm you know doing a poor summary of it but another example of why well it's like it's saying like you know why is the why does it work this way why is like why are the powers where they are why are the places that didn't evolve into in the in the into the modern times and why why are they still poor why you know why is it have and have not and this guy's giving you like a history lesson i haven't read the book in a couple years in a few years but he's sort of saying you know like well you know when when these guys um when these crops started to grow in these in these regions you could start growing this food and feeding people and by not having to hunt for food that's just one of the things i remember from the book by those people not having to like spend their day trying to find something to kill and eat by just being able to grow then your smarter people in this in this group can start developing other things like industry science innovate because they're not the whole group is not like all we have to do is find food all day like that's our only mission so then you have like your your most brilliant minds instead of innovating developing or being worried about tigers they're they're so like that was part of it too right is that they couldn't have cattle in in africa because of tigers how do you remember like i said it's been a long time but then you know like so when you have that that group that was able to harvest and grow crops because just by the luck of their location the the location that it has the right amount of sun and rain and whatever then that lets them all sudden progress at a much more rapid rate right so that's one example and he talks about you know of course how weapons evolve allow you to dominate another crazy it's a fascinating fascination and the fly boys they were saying one of japan's feelings was how come only white people are conquering everybody it's the dutch it's the british it's the inc it's the americans like america conquers all of mexico all meaning california yeah all of mexico and then and then japan's like why can't we do it because we're not white watch this and then they go through asia and go we will be we will dominate here and then white people showed up and they're like um that's what we do by the way this isn't even really what i read i think i don't think it's what you read like because i i surmise it in a way where it adds to my like me telling a story or whatever that's why i don't think dumb people should read it's a good argument this episode of two bears one cave is brought to you by whoop i love wearing my whoop i wear it 24 7. bert wears it a lot of our friends have it and we have become completely addicted to the details the insight that the whoop provides from everything like the metrics like recovery sleep and strain and of course keeping track of like what activities do what to your body you play tennis you do this you lift weights this happens and of course that all-important sleep number paying attention to did you get enough to get by did you get enough to actually perform and whoop gives you all of that and it can even give you weekly and monthly reports it's absolutely fascinating pro athletes use it some navy seals use it you and i can use it so for our listeners woop is offering 15 off with the code bears at checkout go to woop w-h-o-o-p dot com enter the code bears b-e-a-r-s at checkout to save 15 sleep better recover faster and train smarter optimize your performance with whoop you should have to you should have to get just like a gun you should have to pass a test to get a book like you should have to go and they go hey yeah yeah yeah here's a did you want a book and they're like yeah they're like well we got pornography right there and they're like oh wait where and you're like never mind yeah you're good you're good let's do it let's do it let's come up with a book test you'd have to do to get a book okay okay like what would be a good book test like just like a gun where they're like hey we need you to answer i'm reading i'm remembering other books i've read oh yeah yeah yeah we never even finish this game i know because i'm going through this list now um can't hurt me by uh david goggins read that i didn't read that i read tribes what's that that was by like tribes i think this is the book where um he writes about how you basically if you can get i think i think the number was a thousand people you have a tribe and like you can what uh but this is exactly what i'm talking about because i read it yeah i know but that information stays in your head yeah and the way you morph it out if you can get like a thousand yeah then you have a tribe like i said like i said to leanne we were talking about wait was i just doing it to unidov i go i go i was talking to someone the other day and he said he could do 3 000 squats and the top goes 3 000 and i go pretty sure that's what he said and he goes 3 000 i went 300 and he goes sounds more like it like if you don't have somebody to call you on your [ __ ] and say you're the smartest [ __ ] then you can start a [ __ ] [ __ ] you can start a cult yeah that is a movie the smartest [ __ ] the smartest [ __ ] and he just gathers his morons i had i had a development deal for uh this is a few years ago about a doctor who graduated last in his class so i remember this and that do you remember how hard i laughed when you told me about it they no no no no no no [ __ ] it up so do you remember how hard i laughed when we were on the phone and you said i have a development deal and i said oh cool what's it about you said i play a doctor and i oh yes i do remember you remember that you left so cried and i was like i didn't even finish and you're like i haven't even told you i don't need to hear it i got it and you went what i said no no no no you're not a good doctor you go i'm the worst and i went oh no i got it tom i could not stop laughing i told everyone about how great that was going to be man i would tell it on stage and i would tell it on stage you know the hardest i laughed like the next weekend i was on the road and i said you know when i hear the funniest thing i go tom's doing a tv show and he plays a doctor and the place would fall out laughing and they're like he's a doctor and i was like yeah yeah bj porter um bj porter who's that he wrote it with me he was it was so the guy from the office no that's bj novak uh i wrote let's see i read the psychopath inside um i read confessions confessions of a sociopath i read um uh let's see how to win that was mark cuban i read confessions of an economic hit man that's a really good one between the world and me tana hussey coates i read that i read girl on the train um oh were you a fan i bet you would love all the malcolm malcolm gladwell ones right uh i was and i don't like his new stuff his new stuff he's doing no sh i'm not just [ __ ] on malcolm gladwell definitely everything he has done i've been a huge [ __ ] fan of him yeah i had a joke i say i'm not racist i'm a uh i'm a economist like because i love numbers numbers don't lie about stuff and when he says stuff i connect with that i go yeah that does make sense like that makes sense like i like things to make sense to me where i go i i need the numbers to work out if the numbers don't work out then i can't get along with you you know it's it's i there's like a another book i just remembered i read about habits how to form habits the seven highly habits of no it's like like how to make if there's a yellow cover i have it at home do you remember the joke i used to have about reading memoirs of a geisha yeah what was your joke i said i can't this is another reason why i shouldn't read yeah the power of habit that's the one the when i read a book i cast it in my head and when i read memos of geisha i only knew like a couple japanese actors and i was like great she'll be played by mr miyaki in your head in my head so the whole time i just saw mr miyagi in a dress and then yeah but that's not that's less hollywood's being racist and so um the all right how do we surmise this episode murder this bottle of wine uh definitely uh are you still taping your mouth shut uh no we have your headphones on what's this just here let me give you a little tea time tapper okay whoa okay sorry you're right i need some too i gotta get on the treadmill today fit fine do you think fit vine's gonna be like hey don't drink our wine anymore i like the way you do it maybe okay um so because you i i've asked like do you snore before and you've been like you your your answers are not very consistent you've been like no i don't and then you'll be like i'm sorry do my mouth again no i don't oh bro you're like i don't really know her or yeah i think i've been snoring i don't know she doesn't sleep in the room with me so this is a post from isla i think isla posted this right uh i think it says el christ or i cry sure i can't tell christ you're actually tell us leanne okay all right cool [Music] i don't remember this what was this you were asleep [Music] i know i was asleep imagine sleeping next to that oh that's rough yeah so wait you're done taping your mouth i couldn't even make that noise again now let me see if i can do it is that it it's it's it's different the vibration is different yeah [Music] i was my voice was higher then my voice was lowered in octaves i think the older i've gotten yeah yeah it gets deeper do you like this wine yeah i do actually you can't tell the difference that it's like i do healthier for you right yeah okay no it's good by the way um but you snore i want to hear a video of you snoring do you have one of you is that the fade no no it's just that like you you had brought up that you were taping your mouth shut i used to have a joke about that about going uh my wife goes oh you have no idea how hard he is to live with he snores he uh doesn't flush the toilet and when he drinks his semen tastes like [ __ ] and i was like maybe you have low standards maybe you need to step your game up it sounds like you're stuck in a whole hippos [ __ ] at the end of a day so you're the only come symbol yeah you don't remember this you're the only come semolier out there i don't know i've been around a lot i never put it in my mouth okay and then complained about the taste wait so you're telling me gum tastes bad shut up [ __ ] you're telling me the stuff that comes out of the head of my dick does it taste awesome get the [ __ ] out all these years i've been like thank god i didn't put it in my mouth so wait what made you stop uh what made you stop trying to tape your mouth shut because i had a few choking episodes where i just stopped breathing don't you think you should get a cpap no that's supposed to be do you have one no but i didn't i'm not the one that said i'm having these episodes breathing no no no it's snoring snoring is i can't when it blows wind up my nose it makes my allergies it makes my nose close up you've tried it i did the sleep test and it was a [ __ ] nightmare at one point i said to the woman she comes in so they give you like i think they give you three different masks they give you like one that's like super simple right up the nose right then that doesn't work cause i don't fall asleep so then they come in with another one and it's a little more like aggressive and then she comes in another one which is a oxygen like you're going scuba diving and as she's putting it on my head she has to put her on my head i'm sitting in the bed and i'm looking at her and the look in my eyes says her this isn't happening and she goes do you just want to go home and i was like yeah so i got a [ __ ] did they diagnose you at all did they say you have apnea or oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i definitely do but you're i bet if i but i know if i lay on my side it's not as bad as if i sleep on my back sometimes like even to take a nap i'll just stop breathing and go you're making a case for like a definite need for a cpap you know that no i would love that here okay hey do you guys have is there a four hymns for sleep apnea masks if hey shout out to nina and david if you can get me a sponsorship for sleep apnea mass where i'm talking about your well-being no i know but i'm not gonna do it i'm please tell me we have a for hymns [ __ ] ad reading here i don't like having these conversations with doctors it's easier for me to have online like i don't want to go to a doctor and then go yeah you have sleep apnea i go cool and he goes no more have you ever done the test the test sucks dick oh here's what i'm saying you don't need the text you don't need the text you definitely need a test no they won't give you a mask without a test you have to go to the test and you have to go there you have to spend the night in a weird [ __ ] room in the middle of a [ __ ] you can't just get a cpap no you have to take the test and even taking the test they don't know which one's right for you what if you called a doctor and you said hey i have sleep apnea and um i i i lost my cpap i'm doing it right now i'm doing it right now you ready yeah let's do it let's get to get a new cpap machine okay here we go i'm calling my doctor right now okay you got a new cpap i'm just going to say i'm going to just say no i know and i'm not going to tell him i'm going to say i need a cpap can you get me a cpap okay and then we'll see what he says okay all right it's not i gotta go take a big test he's gonna go oh you gotta take a dust you're gonna spend the night hey drew what's up what's going on buddy hey we're doing two bears one cave can you prescribe me a cpap no see i told you why why how come you got to take a test right a cpap machine for you if your insurance were to cover it we'd have to do the sleep test yes okay how much does it just cost for me to buy one i don't know why do you want this so bad because tom and i are talking about we're on you're on our podcast on two bears one cape hold on drew drew talk talk talk some steps okay go he he definitely definitely has sleep apnea okay he so wait so what does liance do you like having big snoring oh he he has crazy snoring and then he goes you know even when i take a a nap sometimes i gasp for air like all the checkmark apnea you know right tells and i'm like dude you need to get a cpap and he's like nah i don't want to go do the sleep test i'm like well can't you just buy a machine okay so so here's sort of what we can do okay um bert are you there i'm right here so we have to create a record i need to examine you uh and no big deal and i can do it on your podcast or something if you want uh the insurance may or may not pay for it okay you have to have a record one way or another just from for my proper practice uh and if you're saying if your position is i will not take a sleep exam nope then then right and then my position would be well dude you need this thing so i'm going to prescribe it this is not best practice it's not what i like doing but i will do it okay how about this drew prescribe me all three different cpap machines no uh insurance no no no no no we're going to do like a nasal biped because that's the one that people can tolerate and we're gonna get it and see what we can do and then we'll see what you can wait uh wait hold on hold on hold on drew wait bert why did my point no no i just want you to say that i was right and that you can't just get one so like that's why this is the whole thing this is why like this all this stuff gives me anxiety and then i go i'll just go to sleep buy a machine you can't every bird everything's gives you anxiety everything gives you anxiety i know why is this different because i'm afraid that i don't know it's just a lot it seems like a lot of leg work a lot of me driving somewhere sleep and wake up dead then deal with this that's right now it seems like more on brand for me yes but let's do it let's do it i i get your position and i do i hear what you're saying i'd like to hear from leanne that she confers that concur concurs in the sleeping and the snoring and the gasping and all stuff okay and and uh and uh let's get this underway okay i'll give you a call as soon as we get done here all right perfect all right thanks see that is that is and i'm telling you i really hope you didn't do this no no i really hope we have a beforehand commercial in here because this is the truth is like i am right now an example of every [ __ ] dude i don't want to have this i don't want to go to an office yeah i don't want to [ __ ] deal with this [ __ ] i just want to go online and go i got it send me the [ __ ] give me a downgraded version of it i don't need the [ __ ] ten thousand dollar one yeah give me like one where i can afford and pay it off and like eleven dollars a month or whatever the [ __ ] whatever i'm just saying for like the average guy and then go and then let me try it out see if i like it and if it works that's great maybe i'll if it works a little bit then i'll go to a doctor and go hey i really need this [ __ ] if i did the sleep test it was a [ __ ] nightmare who's that i don't know it was a nightmare to do the sleep test and i was like let's rap and okay hold on i'm in the middle of a point okay just cause i'm right no it's definitely cause i'm right i did not think you were right you thought i could call a doctor and they'd just give me one right yeah and i told you no i gotta go [ __ ] but then he also and he's like all right i'll give you one no he said you gotta come to my office we'll do enable snazzle swallow up whatever you [ __ ] said i am buzzed let's get some lunch you wanna yeah all right all right murder these sure just a glass of wine just a glass of wine just wanna sip it like a normal person let me show you how normal okay okay yep go ahead this is how a normal person sips wine okay all right i'll be like sylvester stallone okay i hope you have a wonderful day and congrats on everything yeah it's uh 12 30 in the morning cheers in the afternoon the afternoon okay wow sylvester really super thirsty huh i love that [ __ ] wine it's good stuff kill it kill it kill it yeah murder it there you go i love murdering wine hey let's do a sleep test together okay let's do a sleep test together where we both get in the same bed god if i don't fall asleep before you i'll [ __ ] punch you [Music] i will [Music] [Applause] let's show up let's take let's take the uh what's the sleeping aid ambient let's take like one and a half ambiance take one and then just be like yeah i think i'm ready to sleep just fine and our arm is through our sleep mat and they're like you guys have severe bed is covered happiness air they're like i don't know man you guys were like screaming racial slurs you take something before this like ah you guys tweeted about the secretary of state we were doing ambient and drinking you think they let us take a sleep test together probably not let's see if we can find a place the top see if you can find a place to let us take a sleep dance together in the same bed with our wives all right we gotta run oh uh thank you guys for watching thanks for listening we'll see you guys on the next one love you i love you too [Music] one goes topless while the other wears a shirt tom tells stories inverts the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call two bears one cave no scripts a bit of booze amateur protology dirty jokes raunchy humor no apologies here's what we call two bears one cave you

Channel: YMH Studios

Views: 975,517

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast

Id: WVEu6BKuXRQ

Length: 89min 25sec (5365 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 17 2020