Enneagram: The High/Low Side of Type 5

hey what's up guys today we're gonna talk about Enneagram type 5 the wise old owl we're gonna be talking about fives the high side the low side of type 5 or sometimes it's called the paths of integration and disintegration or what they look like under health and and what they would like under stress a little bit of review you know fives are one of the fear types and they are the first of the 3 fear types 6 is the most obvious fear type they're they you know look the most or would be the most obvious when you when you observe their behavior fives you know might not on the surface look like they're afraid of anything you know it may not be obvious to you that there a fear type as well as seven sevens may not be obvious either but the the idea I think with fives is that the world is an overwhelming place an intrusive place let's put it that way I think that's a good word to describe the way fives might relate to the outside world is it is an intrusive place that is filled with intrusive people and fives do not want to be intruded on they like the safety and security of their private space so they're often very good at boundaries boundaries meaning you know hedges that keep people distant from them and keep problems distant from them and so fives you know twos are very challenged by having good boundaries twos have a hard time having boundaries because they want to connect with all those intrusive people in fives you know they want to keep them sort of on the outside and fives like their space and they like their they like their you know their thought life their their fantasy life their the world that they can control you can control the inner world but you can't control the outer world so the outer world is intrusive and so from a five sort of like the the five perspective is think of you know the sixes are hiding in bunkers you know two are preparing for the worst-case scenarios by building bunkers fives are sort of like in observation you know trailers they the outside world exists and they're monitoring at all you know they they are inside their observation trailer with their monitors on observing the outside world and gathering data and information and when you come knock on that trailer they're startled by that you know what are you doing in my you know you know I'm in charge of information systems and I I'm I'm disconnected from reality and I an observer of reality and why are you knocking on my door and and are you expecting me to let you in the observation tower you know the observation trailer no you're not coming in the observation deck you know you're not coming in the observation tower people are supposed to stay on the outside and five sort of isolate themselves away from the world while wanting to remain engaged in it from a safe vantage point okay I don't know if I could say all that again I think that made I think that was said pretty well I think that was pretty clear that's my perspective of what fives are like I do have a son that's a five he's a teenager right now and of course I've had many interactions with fives and I could think of so many characters you know you know on television that are fives and all that goes through my mind when I think about you know relating to fives the obvious five I know fighters don't don't don't like this because it's a very negative you know it could be a very negative stereotype is of Ebenezer Scrooge you know is a five their sin of course is is avarice or stin genus or you could say greed and it's not greed in the sense of I want what others have but I think stin genus is a little better because it's more like their they could be stingy with a lot of things they could be stingy with their money of course but they could be stingy with their words if you have a five in your life you know what I'm talking about they may open up the dump truck in and when they're excited about a topic or information that they've gathered and just dump all that information out and you think wow this person loves to talk yeah they might love to talk when it comes to you know their favorite comic book or their favorite you know hobby or information it could be anything that they're into you know they're rocks you know they're minerals insects astronomy I make me any topic they're interested in cars whatever it is when they dump that information out it's like wow this person does love to talk but they may love to talk about those safe topics but when you start let's say passing out compliments or using words to connect with other people watch them maybe have a much harder time you know talking about their feelings there you go you'll see them be very stingy with their words when it comes to expressing you know their heart or expressing their emotions or expressing their praise you might see them be very stingy with their words you know and stingy Niskanen on a couch in a room full of people looking at you know information on their phone everybody else is interacting everybody else is talking and laughing and having a good time and and they're disconnected the superpower of the five is invisibility I mean they can literally just not be seen or they're present they're here but when you look over I mean they're just completely can be completely disconnected from everybody and what's funny is if you try this when you see something like that if you observe this if you have a five in your life and you observe that they're there but they're completely disconnected from everybody go over there and try and connect with them and see what kind of response you get especially if you're not on like close relational terms with them like if it's is like your nephew or your niece or something like that and you only see them every once in a while and you sit down next to them and you try to engage conversation with them you might get the feeling that this is awkward and that can be intentional five s can awkward you right out of their conversation they can awkward you right out of the room you know they can just make the setting so awkward and you know so uncomfortable that people just kind of realize you know this conversation isn't going anywhere and it's one of the ways that fives use to protect themselves from intrusion fights don't want to be intruded on now when we talk about these paths of integration I want you to think about it like you know your cabin in the woods and so for a five the cabin in the woods for them that they live in is got a five on it they live in the five cabin but down the path on one side of them is their six neighbor and down the path on the other side is therefore neighbor and fives can borrow from either of these neighbors especially when they're under stress as a way of like dealing with stress and when you learn to borrow from both neighbors you know in a balanced healthy way you become much more healthy you know in your type so for a five when they lean over on the six and they go down the path you know to the six neighbor you know the sixes are very concerned about fitting in they're very concerned about the whole group there concerned about the herd they're very concerned about you know everybody working together and cooperating and so fives can benefit from that if they'll lean on that six when they're in social situations or they'll lean on that six you know to to help connect with other people and be concerned about you know what other people as fives often or not are just not aware of social norms or are disconnected from social norms and so you know the idea of like somebody sends you a card and then you ought to respond to that you know a five isn't necessarily gonna think like that they're gonna think they sent me a card and that's cool whatever and you know not necessarily you know feel the obligation that well social norms dictate that I need to respond to this person and you know send them a thank-you card and some it and and to become aware of something like that a5 is probably got to lean on their six wing and say okay what what is necessary to keep this connection you know what is necessary to to stay supportive of other people so lean on that six wing and you know I think become more aware of what others expectations are and how to you know fit and a little more proactive way within the relationships that you're in and the groups that you're in and then lean on the four wing over there because remember the four is all about listening to your own internal sense of self and you know standing apart and being apart and you know being sensitive and caring about beauty and caring about what what's unique and what's different and 5s can lean on that wing to to grow as well this isn't really a video about wings so there that is coming we will do some wing videos but I think 5s could could lean on the four just briefly 5s could lean on the four to say not just what does the data say like a true five would care about but also what do I care about you know what is important to me what is my inner sense of self telling me I should do not just what the stats and information and surveys and research and all that because all of that is real information but the information inside of you as to your own identity and what your own gut is telling you your own identity is telling you is also real information as well so to not just look at raw data but also you know what what do I value and what do I think is is the right course of action that that's important information as well step four is intuitively know and go with 5s could lean on okay so at the bottom of the hill for a five is the outhouse okay so every one of us has this place we go in times of stress where we need relief ok 2 goes to 8 you know 3 goes to to 9 and 4 goes to 2 and 5s go to 7 now I happen to love 7 7 is great ok I'm a 7 but when 5s go to 7 it's an indication that they're in a place of stress and that they are feeling overwhelmed and true tada n-- hour feeling inept which is a feeling that 5s don't want to feel the whole personality is based on you know trying to avoid the feeling that I'm not gonna have sufficient answers I'm not gonna know you know what to do or what to say or have the sufficient resources when the time of trouble or testing comes and so when 5s go to 7 it's an indication that they're feeling overwhelmed intruded on stressed and we're going to talk about what that means when what it looks like when 5s go to seven when 5s are in stress and in health 5s go to 8 which is the Challenger ok seven is the enthusiast and a is the Challenger so when 5s go to eight it it's like they're they're coming up from the outhouse up the hill back to their five cabin but sometimes you know they can go up to the very top of the hill where the fruit trees are and eat from the fruit you know and be really healthy and demonstrate that health and for fives the fruit trees or the orchard at the top of the hill is hasn't big ate on it Challenger this is when fives you know feel like they've got enough information to be able to speak up to be able to change the dynamic to be able to change the paradigm and they use their information that they've gathered and their resources that they've gathered and they sort of courage up and strengthen up and you know share that information at the right time in the right place with the right people in order to challenge the dynamic and that's when fives you know go to eight so let's talk about fives in in the outhouse let's talk about when five goes to seven what does that look like well you know fives are already by nature they tend to be somewhat remote and unreachable you know disconnected from others and it's not to say that they're not you know present and that they're not even can be humorous and funny and light-hearted because they can but but their personality who they are their essence they tend to keep disconnected from everybody else there may be a few people they trust themselves with but they tend to be disconnected from others and when they're under stress you'll see them either even further disconnect and further retreat and become more unreasonable unreachable fives disdain interpersonal drama and stress and conflict and when those things start to demonstrate themselves when you're there in an environment where there's a lot of drama and emotional stuff and conflict fives way of dealing with that most often is going to be to just retreat from it is just to like disappear and they can disappear even while they're present you know but they would like to just get up and move away and disappear from all of that and withdraw further and stop communicating so they're their ways of dealing with stressful situations is often what you would think of as subtle ways of dealing with it it's it's not to become bombastic it's not usually to become bombastic and argumentative and debating but is usually when they're really under stress is to want to withdraw and to separate themselves or you might say hide out and that's why I say like the observation tower or the observation trailer it's not in the pure sense of like a bunker where I'm just underground and I'm gonna wait for a month you know and then stick my head up and see they want to stay observant they want to they want to observe the rest of reality from this position of safety so they're going to in a sense hide out in their observation tower or in their observation deck you know the outward signs of the fives stress may again be very subtle they may isolate themselves they may just communicate less they may disappear entirely and be difficult to contact they may seek refuge by working more or working from home or working from away from people being alone as much as possible like I said they just they dislike conflict and they would rather leave the scene when there is emotional disagreements in some cases they may express impatience and anger if their boundaries are being pressed on violated or even the hint that they're about to be trespassed on fives can sometimes use anger to let you know that you're invading their space but like I said that sometimes that can just look like awkwardness they can just make you feel awkward like you don't belong like you need to get out like you don't this isn't your space and you're invading my space on the low side okay so what is it that makes it look like seven well fives might under stress fall into like compulsive doing just like getting things done without necessarily it making sense to do those things they might kind of disengage their mental capacities and just find themselves moving into action without necessarily it being important action and in the sense like sevens can you know just kind of jump from one thing to the next fives might jump from one action to the next without any logical strategic plan when they're under stress that's not their normal behavior but under stress they may find themselves doing that they can also in that time of stress you know enter more into like the fantasy world and disengage from the real world which sevens you know Peter Pan go off into their fantasy world of what could be and what ought to be and what should be and how much greater more fun it would be if we did this that and the other fives can like retreat into more of a fantasy world like think Dungeons and Dragons and comic books and Marvel Universe and computer games you know entertainment you know Netflix and books and even drugs and alcohol and so one of the ways of dealing with the stresses of the real world is just to disconnect from it and it just go off into sort of a fantasy world of computer games of you know Magic the Gathering or whatever it is you know and just separate from the real world into what you might think of fantasy world they could become at this point like hyperactive as well a lot of pent-up energy might just get poured out and you'll see them you know maybe acting out in physical ways lunging into conversations where their their expertise is not appreciated or wanted you know people are having a conversation about next week and about plans and you know do you want me to bring chicken salad or potato salad and here comes the five you know with all of you know the differences between beetles and cockroaches and everybody's looking at them like why are we talking about this subject up nobody wants to know any of this information and the five might kind of lunge into you know the discourse with a monologue of facts and information and actually did you know and by the way it's been proven that you know and then they start launching off on all these facts and everybody's just kind of like well that was a conversation killer we were talking about you know grandma's funeral we were talking about funeral arrangements and and now you know buddy's got us off talking about you know the difference between trash compactors and garbage disposals and and you're like where did any of this come from Five's under stress can lunge into conversations and they're gonna talk about what they know they're gonna talk about what they feel secure about because they want to feel secure in times of stress they find security fives find security in their information and their knowledge and their facts and in all of that you know either disconnecting from the real world or let me show you how I've mastered you know some bit of information from the real world and under stress you're gonna see that pop up in places where it it's not useful and you might see another way is like fives look can look like sevens is in risky behavior when they're under stress you might see fives engage in risky behaviors that they wouldn't normally you know maybe partake in or be a part of but under stress you know it's a way of escaping the stresses of of the real world so that's fives in an outhouse so realize if that's where you're at you know you're disconnected from people you're disengaged you're spending a lot of time in your fantasy world or in your imagination you're locked down in your Tower or locked down in your in your observation trailer you know disconnected from relationships lunching in to conversations finding yourself you know constantly feeling like your space is being intruded that's you in an outhouse okay and it stinks in the outhouse and you need to go there - relief fine relief but you just got to decide how long do you want to stay there you know this is not your home and this is not where you should you know take up residence and so if you're a five and you're aware that this is kind of where you're at you're in an unhealthy state then you got to start making the decision well I don't want to live in this place I don't want to live in this unhealthy seven out house I'm gonna try to make my way back to a healthier place and you will try to make your just observe where you're at and then start making some steps you got to take some actions start taking some steps to get back to a healthier place and if you find yourself you know in a healthy place what it wouldn't look like you go to the top of the hill and eat from the fruit you know of the orchard of of the eight well let's talk about that the high side of or you might say of of type five on the high side so this is you at your best this is you this is what you're striving to be like okay this is this is you at your best more open and engaging I probably lost some of you already open and engaging you here that you go man that sounds terrible well it's gonna take some work it's not gonna come easy alright you got to find some security and some safety so that you feel secure enough to be able to share your life and your presence and yourself and your wants and dreams and ambitions and hopes with with people around you you want to find some safe people so fives at their healthiest become more open think about like letting people in and also sharing yourself with them more engaging and more communicative so more willing to open up and share your thoughts I mean imagine Evan easer Scrooge you know at the first part of the story he's not open he's not engaging he's not communicative he's none of that he's disconnected he lives in his own world he doesn't want to be intruded on people come ask for money and he shoes him out and you know pushes him out the door he doesn't want to be bothered with people but at the end of the movie when he's more healthy and he has more self-aware you know he's talking to people he's giving he's sharing he's listening he's hopeful he's engaged and so that's what five looks like when they're healthy is engaged with others communicative open the boundaries are there but the gate is now open so that people can come across and so that you can come out and be present with people that's now this is especially true when you're talking about areas of interest which 5s have areas of interest they can express excitement and passion and be very engaged in sharing you know things that are important with them five is when they're healthy can be very funny light-hearted they can display a lightness and a sense of humor with ease and be relaxed and especially sharing insights about things they've observed in people that they observe at their best 5s can enjoy being alone but also welcoming others into their life and expressing more warmth warmth there's a good trigger word for fives warmth and being more sociable and friendly rather than cold and passive sociable friendly all of this takes energy remember 5s is kind of like they they operate like their energy battery is pretty low their their capacity for information is huge but their their battery for engaging with people seems kind of easily depleted so when 5s are healthy that battery is full and they and again you can't stay in this state okay you can't stay at the top of the orchard you know eventually the Sun Goes Down and it's time to go back to the cabin and get warm you know in isolation and you know be be withdrawn a little bit and that's your cabin and that's fine but it's all about making the decision to come out you know and go up to the top of the hill and be present with people emotionally intelligent fires learned a value of assessing and expressing some emotion establishing good relationships with people opening up but this all requires effort you know trudging up to the that Hill is gonna require effort picking fruit and you know peeling fruit and all that it's going to require effort and again this isn't a place that you stay it's a place that you visit and and we love it when you visit this place because we want to get to know you we want the armor down a little bit so we can see and get to know you and see you and and not the and opposite of that is you going invisible right we want we don't want to always be awkward around you we want to be able to share your life and share your hopes and dreams we want to hear your information but realize that you know we we aren't impressed by your amount of information your ability to recall it we're just impressed with you okay we're just impressed with you we just want to know you we just want to love you you don't need to come at us with information in order for us to to value you as a person just be yourself just be present I know be yourself well that is me okay all right well that's you under stress and under duress you know I had somebody one time posting a comment you know well why can't I just be a spectator to life and you can I mean you can be a spectator to life but the problem is is your kids need you to be more than a spectator they need to be need you to be engaged your wife or your husband your co-workers they need you to be more than just a spectator they need you to be engaged in life you know and as a Christian pastor I might just say God put you on this earth to be more than just a spectator you're supposed to be a player you're supposed to be on the team a player not just office manager not just team manager not just equipment manager but of actual player in life and and for your own sake you don't have to you know you don't have to you but you know I'm not here to tell you how to get by in life and how to just you know passively make it through life my hope is that you'll open up to life and you'll be a player and be a contributor and be engaged in and be present too and I think if you're watching this video you probably want that so we're not okay well I'm getting a little bit passionate here a little enthusiastic like a seven all right so let's wrap this up five so they get they get to know others better and they let others get to know them but you know there and again that's five kind of leaning on for getting to know themselves better and then being able to express that to others having supportive relationships you know where you're invested in because I know it's scary for a five to invest in people because people are volatile people will let you down people are needy people are intrusive and people you know can disconnect from you and so it's safe to be locked off and and you know cut away but it's not that's not really living life is about relationships life is about being known and knowing others it's not about being alone it's about being known and knowing others on the high side you know up at the top of the orchard there on the hill they become more strong and empowered fires become you know fives they don't want to feel inadequate they don't want to feel inept and so when fives are healthy they feel empowered they feel strong they feel confident they feel bold they feel like they've got answers they can stand on their own two feet they've got a voice and that voice needs to be heard and that information needs to be shared and you know people's health and Safety's in the balance and so I'm gonna step in and step up and engage and come out of the tower and actually interact and make a difference and that's that's when fives moved to eight they challenge their challenge themselves and they challenge others and they feel like they're able to make a challenge and that's five s healthy is they speak up they take action and it's it's not like the like the eight who takes action and then thinks about it oh what should I have done oh now I've already said too much the five when they take action they've already thought it through and so there they're prepared but will they take action that's the question so now you're taking that all that preparation and you move on it and you take action and it's so awesome when it happens at that point fives enjoy life more fully they embrace life more fully they become participants in life and not just spectators they feel worthy to take up their space they feel worthy to take up the space that they take up like they belong like they're a part of the team they're not just a manager of the team but they're a part of the team they're more vocal and more assertive and they feel capable and effective so fives be present to life don't miss you know life because you're just disconnected disengaged and withdrawn be a participant be a player others around you deserve to get to know you there's go many times when you go to the outhouse we know we all do we all have to have some relief we all have to get away and let off some steam you know but don't stay there if that's where you're at you know it don't stay there make some effort to come back up to a healthier place to enter in again to the real world and to be more patient with people and then every once in a while enjoy the fruit of all that intensity and all that labor and all that information gathering up and let your voice be heard thank you guys for watching this video as always in my description you there's information if you want to get in touch with me I do a lot of Skype and FaceTime appointments with people just helping them work through you know the challenges you know that they're facing in life and with a knowledge of the intagram sometimes we can we can we can really help people in a short amount of time so thank you guys and I'll see you next time

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 44,895

Rating: 4.9186354 out of 5

Keywords: Enneagram, Family, love, relationships, home, personalities, parenting, type 5, type five, enneagram type 5

Id: PY51O96zcj0

Length: 32min 42sec (1962 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 28 2020