Enneagram: Help For Type 5

hey guys this is dr. Lee hue again for another session and today we're gonna be talking about any gramm type v the investigator and I've got my notes in front of me so if I'm looking down that's what I'm looking at and the investigator above all is somebody that wants to rely on themselves that wants to depend on themselves that tends to pull away from people and live in their inner workings of their mind and so they're very they come across as very intelligent people because they're very focused and driven in their pursuit of information in their pursuit of mastery of some niche of information so let's look at the type v and go into a little bit more detail about what makes the investigator tick and what's going on in their heart and in their mind again five and six and seven are all in the fear group so the basic idea is that the five is sort of afraid of the outside world the outside world you know where people are interacting and it can be an overwhelming experience and so 5s retreat away from that outside world into their inner world which makes sense to them the inner world is not something to be afraid of that's where facts and information and ideas and and all these big thoughts you know that are going around in their head that's where they feel most safe than most secure so you might think of them as having like a giant brain when it comes to where they want to spend their time it's not that they're smarter than anybody else it's just that their fear drives them into that inner world and understanding and mastering information and that gets you know rolled around in that inner world in terms of the outer world it's kind of like they have this giant brain but then like a small battery their battery pack of energy for interacting with people they feel run down like that runs them down and so they often don't have a lot of tolerance for spending time with with people they can come across as very emotionally detached because of that probably more detached than any of the other types on the India gram at least emotionally attached which sometimes makes them very good at being you know not only problem solvers but in a crisis if everybody at work is you know upset over an issue and people aren't taking sides from the five you know can be very good at analyzing the situation based on information and facts and leaving the emotional elements out of it you know we get crossways with people and we're frustrated to where we no longer will listen to reason we just whatever reason we we get frustrated with with the other side or the other opinion and we may you know let our emotions or the manner in which things were said skew our clear thinking and simply because we don't like somebody or because we're offended by that person we may not really listen to reason the five is really good and that they tend to emotionally minimize you know the way in which things were said to get to what was actually said so they're more interested in getting to the facts and information and you said this and you said that and bottom line here's the issue and they can like weed through and see through all of that emotional turmoil to just what's the information that needs to make a decision what's the information fives are you know seeking some area that they can master they're seeking some niche whether it's medicine or alternative medicine or history or some aspect of history and they tend to be drawn toward the information at the edges of information in other words they're not very interested they don't tend to be very interested in what everybody else already knows and not to say that they couldn't be a a teacher and just teach you know the subject as it is in the curriculum but they're going to be drawn primarily to information that other people don't have so for example if they were to teach if I is a seven we're gonna teach an American history class I would probably teach it in such a way as to try to inspire students to be all that they could be or to try to inspire them to think about things in a way that is motivational and a five is going to tend to teach a subject like American history from the standpoint of let me tell you what you don't know or let me tell you what everybody thinks is true but I'm going to show you that some of those facts and history didn't actually happen and they're going to try to approach it from a subject from a standpoint of what you thought you knew but what is actually the truth and so in that sense they're drawn to like the the outskirts of knowledge they're drawn to what people - in a sense to try to undermine what you think you know and show you what you didn't know if they were gonna teach let's say like in a church they're gonna teach you know they're gonna be drawn to things like the book of Revelation which is you know difficult and challenging and they're not going to teach it probably in the sense of like let's just go through the book and let's understand it it's gonna be we know what what you thought you knew from the book of Revelation and then try to help you see that you know it's much deeper than you expected so fives are drawn to that information mastery of information and then helping you see what you don't know if you sit down with a five and you begin explaining what you know they're not necessarily going to be interested in what you know except to find out what you know so that they can show you what you don't know okay I don't know if that made sense but fives are always learning okay which is interesting because not very often do they really seek out a teacher they can be a challenge for teachers because they have inquisitive minds they have a drive and remember the drive is motivated by my fear they may not realize that but there's fear that's driving them but they have a drive toward information and mastering information that could frustrate teachers because a lot of teachers you know they just want to teach the curriculum and they want to get their point across and they don't really want to answer those questions on the fringes of their subject you know they just want to teach the textbook and a-five is you know sort of pushing that teacher well what about this well what about that what about this aspect what would happen if this and so five can sometimes you know be frustrating to teachers and fives often don't really enjoy that process of traditional education they want to seek out information in their own ways so the classroom is always open for them the the subject is always you know moving around in their mind and they're always analyzing and thinking about it but they may not approach it in the same way that the typical student does they're always learning always seeking information yet kind of want to teach themselves that information and then when they have opportunity to speak with you they may be very stingy with that information remember their sin is the sin of avarice or greed think evany czar Scrooge okay Ebenezer Scrooge is a good example of a five not always in terms of money but in terms of I know what I know I have the information and I will disseminate that information if I choose to but I don't feel compelled to and they can hold that information I and their stuff it may very well be stuff to like their room you know their office and they don't want to be intruded on they don't want you barging in at any time and you know invading their space intruding on their space and they may you know guard against that intrusion protect themselves from that external intrusion and then hold on to what's theirs and they don't need a lot they're not looking for a lot they're not like sevens who are always looking for more they're looking for more information but and then they can be stingy and guarded with that information but they're they they're minimalists 5sr minimalist they don't they don't want a lot of clothes they don't want a lot of possessions they may be very comfortable with something very simple like a good laptop and a couple of changes of clothes and and maybe a very sparse diet or a very you might say lacking diet nutritionally because they can be very minimalistic they just want you know the essentials so that they can focus their attention on what it is that has captured their interest and I think at the end of the day they feel safe when they've mastered something it's sort of like the hermit on the edge of the village you know five kind of look like old Merlin over there who lives at the edge of the village off by themselves in sort of a ramshackle cottage no real attention to what you might think of what we would think what other types would think is the essentials of life you know they're very focused on their spells and potions you know and they're studying you know all of the ancient manuscripts on how to repel dragons and in case one day a dragon should come to the village they'll be ready they'll be prepared and when the Dragons come to the village and the whole village is in a panic they'll come to the door of the five and the old hermit will come out cast their spell and save the day and it's in that sense that that fear drives the five that pursuit of knowledge that pursuit of information that mastery of information that when the zombie apocalypse comes they'll be prepared because they will have the map they will have the information when the dragon comes to the village they'll know the spell that we'll be able to cast them away and so they'll be safe because of what they know fives tend to believe that you know the only one that can really depend on is themselves and so they are always in a sense preparing themselves they can sometimes you know forgo the basic decencies of life paying no attention or little attention to what we would call social norms because that is an important and sometimes you know even the basics of like nutrition like I said nutrition or a basic body hygiene may not be all that important and wearing the you know style and you know fashion those kinds of things unless that's their niche now if that's their niche then that's a different story but if it's not their niche then you know they may walk around in the same clothes they've been wearing for three days and really pay no attention to it not even think about it just completely oblivious it doesn't matter they don't care it's not important you know as long as they're comfortable and you know they'll they have their shirt on backwards and you know go off to the store to either you know get their next epic video game okay or their next you know books or whatever information or you know whatever so they're not they're not going to pay a lot of attention to you know social norms and customs and those things the niceties or the pleasantries of life and and kind of in this way 5s can get lost because they can kind of lose what's in front of them to do today you know maybe they have a child who's in a drama or in a competition a karate competition or something and they may just miss that and even if they're present at it they may be mentally present 5sr here but not here okay they're here there they may be present but they're not mentally here and emotionally here so they can be present but not present to life and remember that's really what the Indian gram teaches us all all of us is how to be present to life and so they may not be present to life because you know they're they're not aware maybe of what they're wearing it's not important they have the same outfits that they wear over and over with a little regard or a little thought to it if they remember to do the basic hygiene stuff great but it's just not important it's not what life's about to them and so they don't want to be noticed and if they will if they're gonna be noticed they when we noticed for their competence competence that's an important concept for fives by the way when fives feel incompetent that's the worst fear is that they're incompetent inept and unable and unprepared that's the worst fear right there the freight of being inept the freight of being unable inability unprepared in the sense of like unprepared with the information I think the six is more like wants to be prepared for whatever catastrophe might happen so they have all the the gear and the relationships and tag the five wants all the information so that they can be prepared you know when the crisis inevitable crisis might come but by the way when fives feel inept that's the weapon they'll use against you is they'll make you feel like you're inept in other words if they feel stupid they're gonna make you feel stupid if they feel unqualified then they're gonna make you feel unqualified so fives can be kind of prickly okay they can be kind of like the old cactus out there in the desert that's a good example of a five you know they don't need a lot a lot of trees need tending to you know maintenance in order to survive 5s don't fires want to be left alone they're out in the desert they're out there in isolation they're kind of out there on their own and they don't want you to get too close to them they don't want to be intruded on so they have these prickly little spines you know they sort of keep you at a distance fives maybe direct in there you know and they're dealing with you straight forward into the point without you know placating your sensitivities again they're detached emotionally so you know they may not be aware that they're coming across directly and offensively okay at times or they may just kind of awkward you away you know if they don't want to deal with you they may just kind of like have their own ways to just kind of make you feel awkward just sort of stay in there and look at you until you go away you know or until you say what's on your mind and leave that's the goal is that you go away you you don't you quit intruding on them and their space they want to get back to their stories back to their epic game back to their music or back to their information or back to their YouTube videos or back to you know their research or whatever it is and so they might awkward you sort of out of the room fives kind of have a special superpower of going invisible you know when nine can kind of like be invisible if they're not careful if they're not awake and present to life the nine can kind of be invisible and that they go along with everybody the five can be invisible in that they just make their presence I'm not sure how to say it they just kind of make their presence like not known they're there but it's almost like when they leave the room people may not remember that they were even there let's say a five and an eight or friends and they they go walk into an assembly where a bunch of people are around and everybody's you know standing around talking maybe like a wedding shower or a you know whatever kind of a party's going on and the five and eight are friends the five may just saddle up next to that eight who's more assertive and the eight going around talking to people you know and interrupting conversations and reconnecting with people and the five is just sort of moving with them in the pack without saying anything they just kind of move with them and then when they leave the eight will have made an impression on people and you go back and ask the people you know did did you did you have an interaction with with the eight oh yeah I remember that conversation we had do you remember that the five was there with them no don't even remember that they were there and fives can kind of like turn on an invisibility cloak and just you know be there but not be there and again not present to life that's that's what this study is all about is how to be more present to life okay so Phibes want to make sense of the world they want to understand why things are the way they are they want to get to the bottom of things they want to unravel the information and they may want to unravel your held beliefs the five four is called the iconoclast okay an iconoclast to somebody who who challenges your paradigm you might say or your belief system they they undermine your belief system and show you that kind of what you've always believed may or may not be based on good information again it goes back to that idea of let me teach you what you don't know let me teach you what you're not aware of and that gives them that sense of of confidence that's that's what they're seeking that sense of confidence that sense of of a depth you know ability is because I know something you didn't know now when you know something they don't know they'll they may minimize that because they don't want to know maybe what you know they want you to know that they know something you don't know and that gives them that I don't have anything to be afraid of because look I have all the information so I'm okay and I think is what that's what comes their fears okay so they want to search into stuff for themselves and they want to test the truth of assumptions themselves behind their relentless pursuit of knowledge is sort of a restless insecurity about their ability to function in the world as it is so outside world seems unpredictable chaotic threatening and intrusive so the fives kind of have this insecurity about themselves that they won't be able to function in the world as well as maybe some others and so in the back of their mind they want to feel more capable they want to feel more able and so rather than observe life you know as it is and be a participant in life they kind of retreat into sort of like a cubicle or think like you know the safety of like an office or okay I got it I got an example when you think about like those ghost shows where they have those ghost hunters you know the eight and the seven there and the four they're walking around the the haunted mansion you know running all kinds of diagnostic tests yelling at ghosts and all that where's the five the five is outside in a van with all the computer monitors around them watching all the cameras that's where they feel safe and they're observing all this world but from the safety of like an enclosed space removed away from the actual activity that's a great example of like what fives want in life I think is I want they want to observe the information and they want to take it all in and sort it out but sort of from the safety of a remote location okay sort of a drones perspective to life and again that's how they get lost is you the reality is is you can't effectively live like that you are a participant to life whatever you're in the Ihram number is even if you're a five you're participating in life you are somebody's son or daughter you are somebody's husband or wife you are somebody's parent you are somebody's brother or sister or coworker you're not there as a remote person you're there as a real person people interact with you just as they interact with others you are really there in flesh and blood so this may be a construct in your mind that you are can kind of be there in a remote way but you're not you're they're very much present physically now the challenge is to be there present you know emotionally and mentally okay so it's kind of like when they when they get a handle on everything and they feel like they're competent they feel like they can understand the world then they'll rejoin life at that later date that's sort of like I think the mindset of what's going on that one day when they understand things correctly then they'll be able to rejoin the world so kind of think like the absent-minded professor that's a good I think image and what fives can kind of be like they want to remain detached and unaffected by others their identity is built around having a profound idea or profound ideas and then being someone who has something insightful to say something useful to say now what they think is useful and what everybody else thinks is useful maybe two separate things you know a five can be kind of like a dump truck all right in other words they're trying to driving around in life loading up information it's all you know loading up information loading it up stuff that they're interested in and stuff that they think is important and it may be you know everything to know about trees or everything to know about automotive engines or everything you know about air conditioners and heating you know units and so they're loading up all this information I've got a son who's a five and you know he's always loading up information about the world of the Marvel Universe or the DC Universe comic books you know he'd rather learn about the Marvel Universe and actually read a Marvel comic and so he's always gathering information like a dump and like a dump truck you know the exterior of that truck is steel okay so it doesn't it isn't you can't penetrate it okay it's steel and all the information is inside that and they're putting information in but it's hard for you to get into that dump truck of information yourself because it's not easily to penetrate okay so it's it's a distant in a sense now they can be kind of stingy with that information believing that that information is what keeps them safe in the world and then if you should be so lucky that they decide to back that dump truck up and unload all that information on you you can be easily overwhelmed with all of the information that is in that dump truck I mean it's like they'll be quiet quiet quiet for so long invisible right invisible for so long detached you know on their phone on their iPad on their Kindle whatever taking in information but then if they should so choose to backup and dump that dump truck out on you you can be easily overwhelmed with the amount of information that is contained in that five and you may at times think to yourself why would anybody know this why would anybody want to know this how does knowing this keep you safe how is knowing this why because for some of the rest of us we may not see the value in gathering so much specific information I know as a seven I go to five when I'm healthy and I see it over and over you know I'll get interested in the subject and I will dive deep into that subject deep for me a seven three months you know I'll read everything I can read and listen to everything I can listen to and I will just absorb all that I can absorb but the sevens are generalists I think we're called the Epicure or something like that adventurer enthusiast we've become very enthusiastic about something like a5 does the difference is is we don't tend to stay with it we move on because we become very generalistic in our knowledge we want to learn a lot about information and then when we feel like we've pretty well mastered it and I can play a few licks on the guitar with that song then we want to move on and learn something else we get excited about something else I think the five you know a true five can stay with that information a lot longer and go a lot deeper than I can as a seven I just get bored with it and I start to move on to other things where a five you know maybe just continues on and on and on deeper and deeper into that information as they unravel it and challenge all the assumptions ok so they carve out a niche for themselves you know as the expert on this specific topic think like you know if you if you learn everything you can learn about Apple computers well if you just learn all you can learn about how Apple computers work you kinda are safe in a sense I mean you kind of always could have a job I mean if nothing else work at the Apple store right and you can help people out you could fix computers or you could maybe get a job at Apple building computers and that's kind of the way the five I think approaches the world if I learn everything I can learn know all that I can know then I'll be secure I'll be safe but here's the problem what happens if you are an expert in Apple computers and you're an IT guy and you work for a huge corporation so you work for an airline you work for Delta Airlines or something and they decide one day that they're going to switch all of their systems from Apple to something else I see this is where five kind of like can look like a seven a healthy five who's withdrawn in their natural state withdrawn can become like an assertive seven when unhealth in other words when stress hits them like if all of a sudden the information they've gathered is of no more importance you know or the information they've gathered they suddenly realize has been all based on faulty assumptions then they can look like a 7 and that they begin kind of I like the word lunging they start lunging toward well okay if not Apple computers then then what you know if if I've spent all my life learning about how to install car alarms and what the kind of the best Karl and then now all of a sudden every car comes with an alarm standard I don't need to install car alarms anymore then well what am I gonna study now what am I gonna learn now what what are my skills gonna you know provide for me now and so they might start lunging at other topics kind of like a seven does they might start lunging into other topics searching for what that new niche is going to be and panicking you know insecurity panicking in a sense of what am I going to study and learn and and Who am I now that now what I've learned is no longer needed or necessary unhealthy sevens or sevens when they're kind of unhealthy can can kind of lunge into conversations too and I think that's a good word for it when they kind of when they kind of back the dump truck to people who don't want the information or don't need the information or it's not useful they kind of lunge into conversations and throw out all this information when it doesn't help the situation now when fives are healthy okay when they're healthy and they're secure this is when it's awesome okay because healthy fives look like an assertive eight okay which is the Challenger all right what that means is when fives have been gathering all this information and then a dragon actually does appear then they can they can show up to that crisis or that problem with all of that great information they've gathered they can say the appropriate information and share that at the appropriate time with the appropriate people to save the day in other words they step in at just the right time with the challenging information and challenge others with the appropriate information and sort of either relieve fears and concerns or shed light on the situation in a new way so that people can better handle and deal with I think like a medical doctor to be perfect okay our researcher a medical researcher be perfect you know so they're gathering all this information and seeing patients and getting all this information and then you show up with the disease you show up with a sickness or an illness and that five can study what's going on in your tests and study what's going on with symptoms your you know exhibiting and then they can share their information at the appropriate time in the appropriate way to relieve and bring healing that's when a five shows up like an eight is when they share their information in the appropriate time in the appropriate way to give insight and to help the situation when they just show you how smart they are it's kind of like they're lunging like a seven and they're they're giving you information but it's of no importance and it's not related to the crisis at hand and and that isn't you know all that helpful okay so let's see like a spectator on a bench sometimes a five can study life but fail to get engaged in life and we don't want you to do that we want you to be engaged in life not just a spectator so they want to get to the bottom of things my son by the way you know he speaking of a five he loves to listen to audiobooks so he likes to read but he really loves to just he leads a tinkerer so he likes a lot of fives are like this he wants to do something with his hands he wants to you know play of one of those video games you know we're like subway surfer kind of thing you know or it's just hi quick movement and so he's playing a video game but he's listening to audiobooks that he gets from the library and in one week he listened to the entire Harry Potter series for I think the third time in a week that's a lot of I mean in an Argand 13 16 hours a day a focused concentration and then that week was over he listened to the whole Percy Jackson series the week after you know I'm amazed at that ability to focus and concentrate and take all that information in and most of us just won't sit there that long you know we won't do the seat time to absorb all that information and that's one of the things that really blows me away about fives is they'll just become engrossed and whatever has their attention until they discover something entirely new or something entirely different they love to learn but they don't necessarily get a teacher they become experts highly innovative and highly imaginative they like to challenge conventional thinking and that's when it's helpful when it's productive is when they go to the five and they challenge you with their information to to be to solve problems okay or to unravel your falsely held beliefs that's when it's helpful other areas of their life can become neglected I already talked about that they may walk around sort of in stinky socks you know food on their shirt without really paying any attention to it or caring about it because that's not what the focus of their attention is um let's see they can often get very interested in offbeat subjects or esoteric subjects they can have sort of an antagonistic stance against others and against the world and become aggressive aggressive that's a good word abrasive and aggressive okay or defensive think like the prickly old cactus out there okay iconoclastic shattering your your your deeply held ideas when they they can they can have a tendency toward like Ebenezer Scrooge becoming an old I like the word curmudgeon okay kind of becoming an old curmudgeon like that old cagnes they can if they don't if they don't get healthy they can become so reclusive and so isolated that they can become strange okay and cynical and argumentative and kind of the whole world is stupid the whole world where the for I think looks at the world is uncouth and uneducated uninspiring the five looks at the world they can an unhealthy five can start to look at the world like like idiots like none of these people measure up they're all going around in their blind lives foolish to what's really going on in the universe and they can you know without any real sense of depth to them I mean spiritual depth or emotional depth they can become kneel list or am I saying that right nihilistic nihilistic meaning that nothing really has any meaning at all they're deep questions and and thoughts can take them to a point of unhealth where maybe nothing really means anything and they can kind of go go beyond the depths of the cave down the rabbit hole down the rabbit hole meaning like we're never gonna learn we're never going to see them again like they're gone like you know they've just become so outlandish and so unraveled in their ideas that they've become of no benefit they become their own worst enemy like they've gone into the dark mad you know they've gone down the black hole down the rabbit hole the world has become just too much and they detach from everyone by the way fives are most irritated by loud noises so if you have a five in your life my dad was a five there's times when I could kind of see him as a one but he's a five always very sensitive to loud noises very sensitive to children you know intruding on their space kids are always laughing too loud and singing too loud and very sensitive to two sounds and because that's how they're taking information in so that's like their vehicle to connect with the world by the way if Phibes want to connect with you they're gonna do it through information you know you're going through a hard time in your life maybe you're going through a divorce or loss of a child or something where a four is going to want to sit there and tell me more you know and they're gonna connect with you emotionally over that tragedy of tears in their eyes listening to your tears the five is gonna probably be more distant withdrawn and they're gonna hand you a card you know of a great lawyer to call or a great funeral home to call and they helped you that's their help is not that they cried with you but I gave you the information that you needed for the time so that's what you and and when a five is you're driving down the road and your car and they're and they're unloading the Marvel Universe to you or unloading everything about combustion engines or whatever it is they're interested in just realize that's their way of trying to make a connection with you in other words they're trying to love you they're trying to love you they're sharing what's most important to them with you information the rest of the kids in the family are saying will you please stop will you please quit telling us about whatever we don't care about combustion engines we don't care about the difference in jet engines or whatever it is but if you can learn to appreciate what's really going on here is is your five is trying to share with you a moment of what's most important to them they're trying to be vulnerable with you through the sharing of information if you can see it for what it is maybe you can learn to appreciate it and even if it's hard for you to to sit with listening to all that information if you can just receive it for what it is this person is trying to make a connection with me then maybe it can you can be a little more sensitive to what's going on and a little more receptive to them so the five wing floor is called the iconoclast they can be a little more morbid and dark you know I think like the funeral home director you know it's not gonna bother them to to do the embalming you know the Stephen King's the Dean Koontz's of the world do you know are the five wing fours they yeah I think I think back to those ghost shows you know the demonologist which where do you get that degree you know how do you become a demonologist I don't remember that being offered in seminary I don't remember that being offered at the University again it's probably a bunch of fives right because that's the perfect job for a five wing for is you know cast out the dragon right the demonologist they're not as scientifically oriented as maybe the five wing six the five wing six is called the problem-solver they tend to be more interested in what you might say the hard sciences like engineering architecture science biology Anatomy those things that can be looked at and observed where the five wing for you again you've got the four right different different into differentiating themselves so the five wing six wants to deal more with what can be studied under a lab microscope that kind of things real knowledge he might say hard knowledge hard sciences and I think the five wing four is a little more interested in like I think like the Dungeons & Dragons the epic you know strategies wargames those kinds of things where it's not necessarily hard science it's more speculative type things okay here's some fives that you may know from contemporary culture Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation is a good example of what a five can look like and again if you think about that show Ron's kind of living his whole life so that people will stay out of his office right I mean he has a gun on his desk like a mounted gun that he points at people when they sit across the desk for him to keep them away you know preed and white on the office are both fives I think Creed is a five wing four and and Dwight is more of a five wing six Tim Burton the movie director producer writer Agatha Christie that gives you an image of what goes on a 5s mind problem-solving you know we're gonna make this story but we're gonna make it you know very detailed and an investigator who does Agatha Christie create investigators inspectors right that's a five Alfred Hitchcock probably the five wing floor there there's that morbid you know master of horror okay Michael Crichton probably the five wing six you know the let's write about what could happen in Jurassic Park and you know Patrick O'Brien the author of Master and Commander the far side of the world and all those other books that go along with that series Stephen King Dean Koontz Gary Larson the writer of The Pharcyde Comics The Pharcyde Comics is five war old okay so like the a is the culture of the Mafia you know the Enneagram type eight could be called the culture of the Mafia I think the five could be like the culture of the farside comics it's a very dry it's very funny but it's very dry it's its own style of humor okay if you don't know far side comics then you're probably under 30 all right go google it okay Sir Isaac Newton Charles Darwin Albert Einstein Jane Goodall the you know the scientists that worked with the gorillas Albert Einstein Jane Goodall Nicola Nicola Tesla Stephen Hawking you start to get a sense of what fives are here okay giant brains little batteries for dealing with people Albus Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series is a five ben shapiro is a good example of a five who goes to eight you know it's all information information it's gonna save you information gonna protect you but he's challenging challenging challenging with that information Bill Gates Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook Anthony Hopkins the actor George Lucas the director Leonard Maltin who used to do the you know the movie critic I think it was I think he was one of the thumbs guys Napoleon Dynamite I think is a good example of sort of the awkwardness of fives Sheldon from Big Bang Theory great example of a five maybe mixed with a touch of something else but I think Sheldon is a good example of sort of like the five who's completely consumed with information completely consumed with with the things that nobody else in those are the ends but doesn't always relate in the best way with the people around him kind of like the absent-minded professor unaware of like social norms and expectations of relationships so focused on information and so focused on the world of the Innerspace that he just kind of has disregard for sometimes people's feelings okay so we talked about withdrawn fives disintegrate into assertive sevens and healthy fives move toward assertive eight as children young fives may have felt that they had either no meaningful action with their parents or that their parents were too obtrusive or intrusive on their space and so they kind of begin to push back in resistance against those parents they begin looking and searching for a niche or a niche you know of information the basic fear of the five is of being helpless is of being useless incompetent are incapable that's the fear so what is the fear there are fear type five six and seven what's the fear of the five the fear of being useless the fear of being inept or incapable again when the dinosaur come or when the dragon comes nobody's gonna know what to do when the zombie apocalypse happens nobody's gonna know how to stop it so I'm going to be in my laboratory you know working with all these chemicals until I figure out what's the key to unlock the the secret so that when the apocalypse happens we'll all be safe so that's the fear that's the fear that's driving it okay again the three the the two three and four it's all driven by shame and the desire to run away from the shame it's like a shame cloud you know and so the two says well if I'm serving and helping I don't need to be ashamed I'm giving I'm helping the three if I've accomplished so much that I've then my worth is determined by all that I've accomplished I don't need to be ashamed the four says I'm unlike everybody else I'm different than everybody else so I don't need to be a she the five six and a seven are all running away from fear to what they think will make them safe or keep them safe or at least alleviate those fears to some degree so they want to mastered something they want to be masters I talked about connecting to people with information conversation dumps on yeah they want to believe in their heart that I'm an intelligent person I'm a perceptive person the lie that fives tell themselves is I am so smart that no one else can understand the things I understand and no one else can appreciate the things I appreciate or know the things I know and I am safe now because I understand the world or some aspect of the world at the end of the day you know I mean how do you know you're understanding the right things or that you know enough so this is kind of the lie they tell themselves fives are tempted to replace direct experience in the world with concepts about the world the unhealthy five can literally think too much and again I can say they kind of go down that rabbit hole and they go dark on us and it can cut them off from living life that's right in front of them now when helping connect with the people that are in their life right now so they get lost in their own thought processes until they lose all perspective of real life that's going on in front of them highly active Minds intensely driven can disappear socially the error in their thinking is that they are disconnected from the world that they're living in that they're in the van with the computer monitors and the radio contact but they're not there in real life you're in real life with the rest of you're walking among us living in real life with the rest of us you can't just be an observer to life you're a participant of life just like I am you're not just observing facts you're creating new facts with how you live and how you interact with people Healing can begin for the five so this is where it gets fun you say so what so what let's talk about the so what you're a five or you live with a five and you want information here's your information okay here's where healing begins for a five healing begins for a five when they can maybe I can trust people because remember the five sort of thing only one they can depend on is themselves maybe I can trust people and let them know what I need maybe I could live happily in the world as it is maybe my future is going to be okay after all how do I know if I've really mastered all there is to know about something anyway and so their fears begin to become relieved not have as much dominance over their lives when you can learn to say these things here steps to health for the five here's the 10 steps to health for the five number one learn to notice when all of your thinking and speculating is taking you away from your immediate experiences in other words start to realize when all of your deep thinking is taking you out of your present context be present to life don't let all of your intense thinking keep you from your child's recital or being emotionally present at your child's recital number two you have a tendency to be extremely intense and high-strung that can make it difficult for you to relax and unwind make an effort to calm down and sort of like let yourself relax now one of the ways that fives can be like unhealthy sevens is fives can abuse substances you know sevens are the most likely to abuse substances drugs alcohol other things fives when they become frustrated hurt upset disappointed or they feel like they've lost their niche or their niche is no longer helpful one of the things that can happen for the five is they can like a seven can reach for something to sort of calm them down think like a parent let's say a five parent has a child that's unhealthy and in the hospital maybe the child had a stroke or something an accident what's the five gonna do research they're gonna research everything they can to get as much information as they can about their child's condition to try to help that child turn their health around what if the child's health doesn't turn around in fact they grow worse and maybe even die then the information didn't help you did it so what do you do now well the five might feel frustrated that the information didn't work didn't save them in any way and so now they reach to a substance to sort of help them acclimate themselves to the world as it is now fives because you're so high-strung and so wired up all the time with information learn to calm yourself down in a more healthy way whether it be through leisure or recreation or meditation or walks or something taking walks or something listening to music prayer whatever number three you see many possibilities to life but often have a hard I'm deciding and judging which is the most important and which is the least important it's a good thing to know about yourself allow yourself this is gonna be hard for you to get advice from others allow yourself to ask other people their ideas and opinions people you trust it'll help you get a better perspective a more well-rounded perspective and also help you learn to trust others which can be difficult for you number four notice when your intense thoughts research pastimes games information gathering all that are distracting you from what you really ought to be doing right now what I mean is you know you're a junior in college and you're supposed to be writing a paper but rather than writing a paper about you know butterflies you're studying American history because that's what's interesting to you so notice when all you may be doing a lot of intense study but it may not be anything that's assigned and then you know your assignment comes due and it's time to hit the panic button or maybe you don't take it very seriously because you think well this teacher doesn't know what they're talking about anyway so what's the point of me taking it seriously very five kind of thought to have so notice when all of your wired up research and information is pulling you away from what needs to be done in life again this is the five whose room is a mess whose closet is a mess you know but rather than do what needs to be done cleaning up their room they're engaged in research on whatever got their interest at the moment don't know enough when you need to take action okay number five you have difficulty when it comes to trusting people okay fives have tendency to believe that the only person they can depend on is themselves it's hard for you to open up and make yourself accessible to other people your awareness that relationships can be problematic tends to create a self-fulfilling prophecy for you relationships are worth the effort and it will take effort and for fives that may take a lot of effort you're gonna have to work through your disagreements with people rather than just detaching from them and isolating yourself you need a few intimate friends in your life just like everybody else does that will greatly enrich your life number six try to be more cooperative with people and less of a loner just because people may not be able to keep up with your rapid mind doesn't mean they can't be great friends to you number seven realize that sometimes you can make people feel uncomfortable again you may have the ability to awkward people out of a room your ideas are so fascinating your that you can forget social norms and just the niceties that make relationships work the grease that makes relationships work like walking in and saying hey Mary how are you doing the day how's your family it's good to see you those little things that we do in relationships you may look at and say they don't serve a purpose I don't want to know how she's doing I don't want her to know how I'm doing but those are all of the tools that people use to keep relationships friendly friendly people in your life are a good thing they'll watch your back and they'll be there for you when you have needs if you're come in out of the office like Ebenezer Scrooge you know don't be surprised when people treat you like Evan ease your Scrooge okay so number eight you have a tendency to look down on those that you think are less intelligent than you a helpful thought for you is that there are multiple kinds of intelligences there's book smarts and their street smarts and there's you know romance smarts or relationship smarts or parenting smarts and just because you gathered a lot of information doesn't really doesn't really mean for sure that you know how to do life and relationships so remember that there are lots of different kinds of intelligences out there and other people may be intelligent in ways in which you're not intelligent maybe they're more intuitive maybe they're more spiritual maybe they're more relational and so learn to appreciate other kinds of intelligences rather than just the kind that you tend to exhibit use your gifts to benefit others not to belittle them number nine if others begin to avoid you or to react to you antagonistically consider the possibility that maybe you are the problem rather than them not that they're stupid but maybe you're just coming across like a prickly old cactus okay it's hard to hug a a cactus number ten you have an enormous capacity for understanding think of ways to develop that understanding in a compassionate way to help others to be more understanding of others everybody has reasons to believe what they believe and to do what they do and people aren't stupid just because they do things differently than you try to understand the reasons they have and give them the benefit of the doubt use your insight by studying people and becoming more compassionate and caring for people and more gentle with people and their feelings to start to soften up your hard edges don't just use your head in life use your heart in life as well well thank you guys for this study it's been great good information I hope it helps you and I hope it helps those of you who are 5s and those of you who are close to fives and as always be present to life and I hope this information helps you do that until we see you guys again next time like comment and subscribe and thank you for your support

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 34,565

Rating: 4.9028945 out of 5

Keywords: Enneagram, personalities, family, marriage, love, parenting, relationships, enneagram 5, enneagram five, enneagram type 5

Id: ohNZb56S6ho

Length: 61min 5sec (3665 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 17 2019