Enneagram: Subtypes of Type 7

hey what's up guys thank you for joining me for our video today we're gonna be talking about type seven and this is exciting because I am a seven social seven so the good the bad the ugly we're gonna talk about type seven the instincts of the seven or the subtypes the three subtypes of type seven and I hope you'll stick around it's gonna be a great video a lot of great information is challenging stuff for me to hear and say and I hope it'll be challenging and encouraging to you if you are a seven or if you're in relationship to a seven to better understand what's going on in their mind and heart what their motivation is so that you can be more compassionate with yourself be more compassionate with the people that you love before we get started my name is dr. Tom Lee human in my channel and thank you for subscribing check out my description below there's a link there to my website where I have all kinds of information for you and a store and courses that I've designed to online courses and of course coaching appointments and like I said before I do coaching appointments with people all over the all over the world really sometimes sometimes just one people just need help you know one time or sometimes it can be ongoing so it just depends on what the person needs or what they feel they need because a lot of times you know therapy and counseling doesn't take into consideration the inia gram and you know somebody asked me well what's the India gram have to do with anything anyway well you guys that have been into the NIA gram know that it it has a lot to do with everything why we feel compelled and impulse to do what we do why we get aggravated and upset with ourselves and with others who we're attracted to a lot of these things in life are directly related to the India gram and so sometimes people just want to connect you know and just try to resolve a simple problem in their life that seems complex or overwhelming at the time sometimes they want to meet for a while to get some extended help but I'm available to you guys you can check out the website Tamla hue calm and get more information if you'd like to make an appointment alright so let's talk about least seven and we're going to start with the self preservation seven or what we might say the adolescent seven you could think in terms of all the intagram types as having sort of a adolescent a childlike and a an adult like and the I think the self-preservation is kind of the adolescent seven the social seven which I am is more the adult like seven and the this the sexual set seven is kind of the child like the dreamer okay so why do I say adolescent well this seven is wired in to be a pleasure seeker and can come across because of that as being a selfish person they may not be selfish at all but they're gonna come across as being sometimes self referencing which all sevens are self referencing but they'll come across as maybe a selfish person because they what they want they feel they need and so they're more inclined to go after what they want and to feel like they have the obligation to be true to themselves to get what they need in life and they're gonna make their needs known and they're going to go after what they want or what they need and of course the passion or the sin of all sevens is gluttony so all sevens are responding to gluttony and dealing with gluttony to some degree and so the self preservation seven it's a little more obvious that gluttony is is the problem think of gluttony as whatever is gonna make me feel full or happy exist outside of me okay so that's a good way to understand gluttony whatever I need to be full and content and happy and rich and joyful in life exists outside of me so I need to go get that and absorb it I need to go get that experience and you get that collection I need to go get that opportunity or that idea that thing that material thing I need that experience that adventure and I need to go get it and when I have it and I'm unwrapping it and I'm opening it that's when I experience that joy and that happiness and that contentment so gluttons are hungry looking for something more okay so the fear of a seven is the fear of being stuck and having limited freedom and the the fear of lack and the fear of missing out the fear of not being able to be satisfied and being stuck in pain or heartache or or boredom or anything tedious so the self preservation 7 you could also think of sevens in terms of gullibility okay so this is the least gullible of the sevens in other words this 7 is savvy this 7 knows how to get what they want they have their ear to the ground they have their nose to the wind looking for a great deal looking for an opportunity that will be good and beneficial for themselves ok so there wheelers and dealers to some degree they're looking for opportunities to advance their cause to advance themselves in terms of getting their needs met not like maybe getting promotions and all that like maybe a three might think but in terms of this is going to be something good for me this is going to be a great deal for me and so there they have an eye for that for that attraction for that you know so they're not gullible on the other end of the spectrum would be the childlike 7 the this sexual 7 which is more gullible okay more idealistic more living in sort of like a fantasy of the way the world ought to be and you know the way it should be and you know like a dreamer and so they can easily you know be sort of gullible well this is the opposite of that this and somewhere in the middle would be the social okay so this seven is shrewd the self-preservation is the seven is shrewd they are called they they are called the keeper of the castle okay or the belonging one or the belonging to the family one and I think what that the idea is this seven is going to build around themselves connections and those connections are there to support and to meet my needs those connections those important people around this seven are there as a network of personal allies who will support me to help me get what I want in life to help me help meet my needs they will drive me when I can't drive myself to the store they will fund my experiences when I need those experiences to be funded they will bail when I get into trouble or get in over my head or get caught or get you know they will be there to to push me in my wheelchair when I can't when I can't walk myself but I've got to go and I've got to get out and I've got to do this thing and so that makes me dependent on others to help fund this operation or all of these you know activities and and things that I want to do in life and so they need this little personal mafia around them that is going to fund or bail them out or let them stay rent-free so that they have this network of people that they can call on when they want to bail what they're doing now and go do something else you know the what was it the superpower of the seven is what is the word again the superpower of the seven is oh it's gonna kill me when I'm watching this video and I'm thinking to myself I know the word it is being able to locate somewhere else okay I'm gonna think of it in a second it's when you're in one place but you can then morph to somewhere else okay when you can you know like on Star Trek you can just go teleportation there we go teleportation is the is the superpower of the seven what that means is is the seven is going to get bored with what we're doing right now they're gonna get bored with with with whatever event we're at it's never enough it never feels full feels completely fulfilling and so when they go to the movie or when they go to the recital or when they go to the play or when they go out to dinner they're kind of looking at their watch like is this all there is what else are we doing can't we do something else and then I don't want to cause any conflict because sevens don't like conflict because conflict is painful and it's just nothing we want to mess with I'm gonna teleport quietly away from this event and go off to find something else and it's this hunger of never being satisfied looking for something better looking for something more looking for something greater that can be so exhausting for the seven and particularly so exhausting for the people that live with the seven and this seven in particular is going to is going to act I think a little more on that impulse than the other two a little more like I'm gonna go do what I'm gonna go do if you want to come with me that's fine but don't try and stop me I'm gonna go do what I want to go do I and and it's an attempt to try to to experience the much as much of life as possible sample as much of life as possible without getting stuck without getting you know tied down without being tied down to the tedious and the boring things of life so the seven has a very active mind and can be very productive when they're focused when they're focused like a five when they're focused on what they want to do and accomplish in life they can be very productive if they are in the zone at that time to care about that particular activity if they're not present with it then you're gonna see them move to one and be very frustrated and just go through the motions like a1 just check it off the list and do what they got to do but when they're focused and they're in the zone and they've got joy and they're present you'll see them very productive and very excited enthusiasts they're called enthusiasts Evans are called enthusiasts which means not only am i excited but I'm gonna get you excited about this as well I'm gonna share that excitement enthusiastically with you about whatever it is I'm interested in or whatever it is I want to do it's the most important thing and we need to do it now it's the most important thing and the right time to do it is now let's get up let's get in the car let's go now why can't we go now it's that are we there yet are we there yet are we there yet and a7 is in a sense always asking are we there yet they're not enjoying the process they're not enjoying the destination they're enjoying the looking forward to the destination but when they get there all they can think is this all there is then let's get in the car and let's keep going let's go somewhere else adventure looking for seeking and it's gluttony it's reaching out for something else externally hoping that it will bring fulfillment in life and the self preservation 7 is going to look the most gluttonous of the gluttons because their gluttony is a search for pleasure for satisfying opportunities for experiences and cultivating a network of allies who will support them in their quest so that's why it's like the keeper of the castle or the keeper of the family or belonging is because which by the way the seven believes they have a special privileged position in that family as well and their needs their wants our needs they define sevens often define their wants as needs okay and and and they'll feel powerless that I have to go do this I have to go out to dinner I have to go with my friends I have to go it's a need they'll experience that one what you might call a want in a desire as you know whatever the collection is that they're into right now as I need that next record I need that next coin to go in my coin collection I can't have peace until I acquire that's gluttony I have to acquire this thing external to me in order to be satisfied gluttony okay so though though this one is the most practical and materialistic practical in like let's get it done let's go out get in the car drive to the place make it happen do the transaction and get what I need quote unquote need there the most practical where the the sexual is the most impractical the most dreamlike okay most like fantasy in their head you know they're they're accomplishing all these things in their head this one is actually doing okay stuck in sort of a doing mode like let's go do it let's go make it happen and sometimes can leave sort of a trail and a wake of broken commitments and promises behind them because yes they promise to be at your soccer game because they're not gonna have conflict and when you said last week hey Uncle Bill hey uncle Jerry will you be at my soccer game they said sure can of course I will be but then you know what happens is they forget and something else comes along and even if they do show up mentally they've probably teleported already or they may just be looking for an opportunity well I've got this thing I'll be here at the game but I got it this thing that I've got to go to and go with this other thing and so the double booked and triple booked and triple schedule so that they've got a way out that it's not me it's not it's not because I'm being selfish it's because I've got this thing I've got to go to and so sevens especially this seven or notorious for sacking things into their calendar so that they can just if they have a calendar because sevens may not calendar because calendars can feel restrictive calendars can feel like they tie you down to-do lists can tie you down and a-seven doesn't want to be tied down they want to be able to get up and run and rip at any notion that pops into their mind that they become enthusiastic about it can be exhausting being a seven okay and I'm sure can be exhausting living with a seven as well okay so what's the opportunistic optimistic optimistic look at the bright side hey this is going to be great okay so we say let's get in the car now let's let's hitchhike across America who's most likely which type is most likely do you think to say hey let's get a trailer and open a taco restaurant in the trailer and drive across the country selling tacos out of the trailer which type do you think is going to be most likely to drive around the country think about this decision all of you know two days and then get in a trailer and drive around the country selling tacos which type do you think it will be probably a seven and they're gonna say very optimistically oh it's gonna be great oh it's gonna be awesome we're gonna go see America how much money do you have I don't know what do we got charlie Oh $250 well where are you gonna get the supplies from oh you know it's all gonna work out optimistic and chances are it probably will work out because sevens are opportunistic as well and they find ways of getting their needs met and they're assertive types so they're not afraid to just walk in and ask you to help me with what I'm excited about this is gonna be great it's gonna be awesome would you help would you be a part of this can we count on you would you rely on us and they're not afraid to maybe just come in lean on you and ask because they're assertive types okay and so they're opportunistic and self-referencing and can appear self-centered calculating and clever making good deals that benefit themselves they have a network of reliable trustworthy people they can depend on they feel protected and safe when they have that network of people that will be there for them to help them bail them out that's a good idea bail them out when they get in over their heads they can be unaware as to how much they are driven by their self-interest if you were to say to this 7 that man you're selfish they would not they would not they might be taken aback by that what do you mean I'm being selfish I'm not being selfish they might not see that what their behavior is as as it being selfish they might just think of it as you know I have a passion for this or it's a great opportunity or you know I've always wanted to do this it's been my dream since lunch you know I've always wanted to do this or you know they might not characterize themselves as selfish although to others they will probably appear like they're being selfish that might come across as though they're self-centered now all of this can make this 7 the self preservation 7 a very isolated person now it's interesting as they surround themselves with that network the little mafia their little family mafia right that's there to bail them out and pay their rent and take care of them when they don't want to be responsible I know it stings ok I'm a 7 ok so I get it I'm sorry the intagram is not pleasant it's painful ok seeing yourself in the mirror is not always a pleasant experience now to the degree that you don't act like this then our hats are off to you self-preservation sevens if this is your impulse and you can resist some of these negative parts of your impulse and and impulses and functioning in a positive aspect then we appreciate that for what you do and also what you don't allow yourself to do we we appreciate that ok but I think that this 7 could end up even though they have that little mafia around them kind of an isolated alone person and there's a part of them that although they're probably very extroverted this sort of feels like an introvert that they can end up kind of like cut off they they can leave behind them a trail of kind of broken promises and and I'm paying and again they're not gonna want to recognize that because sevens don't like pain and they're running away from pain and they would hate to think that they're causing pain in people's lives but when you don't follow through on your promises and when you don't follow through on your responsibilities sevens are probably going to want to reframe that and minimize it and say well well well well well actually actually actually and give all kinds of reasons to here's a key for sevens is we rationalize we rationalize our behavior and say well that's not what I meant oh that's not what I intended I'm sorry you you took it that way well I was never in any way trying to cause it like here's the thing it was never about you the sevens acting as self-referencing means they don't necessarily think about how their behaviors are affecting the people around them they're self-referencing they're thinking what's in this for me how can this make me feel better how can this alleviate my pain of doing without of being without and so they're moving forward in pulsing and composing toward behavior without reference to how is this going to affect others especially the self-preservation 7iz they're just thinking about this seemed like a good idea at the time this seemed like it was gonna make everybody happy what I need is what everybody needs my knees are the needs of the group okay so this seven can end up a little bit isolated because people get exhausted people get tired people get rundown people don't have the energy to keep up with all that nonsense they don't have the energy to keep up with all that running running running going searching you know quest adventure you know it's accelerator to the floor all the time it can be and that can be exhausting especially for some of the other types on the India gram the nines the fives you know they don't they don't want to keep up with all that and and other people in your in your group in your real family that are real people might feel like they're getting left behind I have a two wife right who wants connection and if I were to impulse and move on all my seven ideas she's gonna feel like she's gonna be left behind like she doesn't matter so sometimes people in your family the fours the twos the sixes they might feel like you're leaving behind you're so focused on what you want to go achieve or what you want to go do or the next big fun idea or the next big deal or opportunity that you're not thinking about what is this costing how who's paying for it and what the rest of us have to clean up and so the people in your life are probably telling you you know slow down just slow down for a minute do you really need all this the self preservation 7 yes they feel that they need all of this they feel that they need it or they're gonna go crazy they feel like they're probably feel like they have a TD or ADHD they might be a little bit bipolar and feeling like I'm up I'm manic I'm like so excited and then it didn't work out so I'm so depressed and I'm stuck and it's a rainy day and the boss said no and and they can just lose all their joy and when sevens are healthy they're bringing joy into the world and when they're unhealthy they just pull and joy out of the world they're so they can just go through the motions and be so task oriented and just done and and just experience life with no enthusiasm with no joy with no happiness because things didn't work out according to what we thought we needed think of it like this if I told you you need 10 widgets in order to be happy and you only have 5 then you're gonna spend them all of your time how do I get those next five widgets ok and that's a 7 they're spending all their time not enjoying the 5 they have but lamenting the the 5 they don't have and then you come across that another person in your family who only needs two widgets and they've got four and they feel like wow I've got more widgets than I need how come my brother is stressing he has five I have four and I have more than enough he has five and he's never satisfied and people in your life we're gonna look at you like when is enough enough and honestly if you want to have compassion on your 7 friend on your self-preservation 7 friend just realize that although they have five they live under the assumption that they need 10 and so when a 7 can get alone when a self-preservation 7 can get alone in silence and in solitude and in stillness which feels like death to a 7 ok silent solitude and stillness when they can sit alone in that for a little bit and realize I have five you know maybe I don't really need ten maybe sometimes less is more but for this seven they feel like more is more and they live by the idea that more is more more is better and if I can have one I want to and if I can sample all of them I want to sample all of them but you know sampling isn't always the best way to live life sometimes you need to actually purchase and buy and live with and keep and hold on to and say no to others in other words there are some things in life that it's not appropriate to sample so if this self preservation seven can learn to appreciate the five they have and look around and say so this seven needs to go to five all sevens need to go to five you know any gram type five this seven needs to go to five to visit the five spot to realize you know maybe maybe less is more maybe I don't need everything that I see maybe I don't need to fill all of my clock with fun experiences maybe I just need to appreciate what I already have and take care of who I already have in my life and what I already possess in my life and maybe I need to appreciate what I already have and maybe what I have is enough or more than enough already and look at that if I need ten to be happy and I only have five I'll never be happy until I get the other five but if I can just dial down my need like a five does and say I only need three to be happy and I have five I have more than I need so is the rich person the person that has the most or is the person that needs the least that's wisdom right there that's wisdom so this is a very talkative person who loves possibilities who's outgoing a pleasure seeker very sensuous very earthy earthy is a good word for this person very world the least religious of the sevens is going to be this seven loves indulgence the freedom to experience all of their experiences the fear of limitations scarcity equals panic we're a fear type sevens or fear types you don't think they're fear types then just tell them you're sitting inside all day and watch them panic because that's not that's not a comforting thought to feel stuck to feel like your options are taken off the table like like you have to make do with what you have scarcity equals panic these sevens are very anti-authoritarian now they might not realize that about themselves and might think I don't go looking for a fight with authority sevens tend to like try to befriend Authority as a means of evading Authority sevens are evaders they evade Authority they evade responsibility they evade duty and tasks they evade with humor they evade blame with humor they evade relationships because intimacy can feel like getting trapped to a seven and so they like to keep things light hearted and surface level they're evading something okay so what's good for me is good for everyone I want therefore I need that's the way this 7 feels into a sense all sevens ok they're charismatic personal they appeal to others with humor they're smooth and they smooth out the relational rough spots with humor they reframe in gas light you know experiences they're sly cunning not gullible they don't they over focus on the importance of pleasure in life and over focus on the on the destructiveness of pain like pain itself is to be avoided simply because it's painful the pain can be a good thing ok pain can be something that we don't seek out but it can be something that teaches us and so pleasure Sue's their fears yes I might be dying but I have Oreo cookies so I feel ok yes I might be having a heart attack but I've got tylenol so I don't feel any pain ok that's the idea well not tylenol so much but I want to do whatever I can do to do over to take away the symptoms of pain but maybe not necessarily the reason for the pain that the seven might ignore in life the reasons for pain they just want to deal do with the symptoms of pain and cloud that with with pleasure seeking okay so love of pleasure self-interest focus on what I need to feel secure materialistic and even rebellious in other words the sleeping dog gets kicked so don't be asleep you're gonna miss opportunities you may be looking for the next big deal the next big opportunity uh who are some people that that demonstrate this kind of personality in our popular culture well I think of a lot of people and of course I grew up in the 80s so a lot of the rock musicians you know the David Lee Roth's from Van Halen the Vince Neil's from Motley Crue you know singing girls girls girls and dr. feelgood when I think about Steven Tyler from Aerosmith you know I think about those people that sort of eighties rock culture the poison I'm looking for nothing but a good time that is this 7s mantra okay I'm looking for nothing but a good time and Miley Cyrus is probably this kind of seven and listen to the words to her song we can't stop and we won't stop okay and it's we who own the night we who her tribe her little family her supporters the people and she has a special privileged place among those that tribe and and she's honest you know what she's singing it as though she's bragging but really listen to it from the terms of like an addiction we can't stop and we won't stop and what whatever we want to do whatever makes us feel good well that's the way addicts think okay and sevens can be prone to addiction because they think that some substance out there is going to fill the cracks fill the void fill the emptiness in their life and of course you know be me being Who I am I I think there's only one real way to solve that empty in your life thing okay and it's not through cake and it's not third drugs and it's not through sexual immorality and it's not through you know all the the thousands of wells that are out there that you can drink from but when you're empty or you think you're empty then guess what you can't stop you've got to keep it you've got to keep searching for or at least numbing the pain of that emptiness with whatever opportunistic you know the things are in front of you it could be material things it could be experiences it could be adventures it could be shopping money spending money whatever okay so probably you know Howard Stern you know is probably this seven Hugh Hefner okay this is the culture of Playboy the Playboy the Playgirl you know this is that culture maybe Meredith on the office maybe Eddie Murphy I don't know he could possibly be that seven alright so let's move on to the social seven this is the grown-up seven okay this is what I am this is the grown-up seven I know a lot of people on my videos say are you a five well that's a compliment I'll take that as a compliment this is the most adult like of the sevens this is the counter type for the sevens this is the seven that responds to gluttony by saying whoo I don't want to do that I don't want to be a glutton they feel the impulse toward gluttony the need for oh I need that I need more they see the shiny sparkly things and they're drawn to them but then they desire rather to be thought of as a good person then a gluttonous person because in gluttony there is a hint at least a hint maybe more than a hint of exploitation in that you know if I'm eating ten pieces of cake well that means somebody probably didn't get one so the social seven says I would rather be thought of as a good person then to have my quote unquote wants met and so the want to be thought of as a good person supersedes though whatever temper every one or desire that might pop up for the moment now this is not the same thing as the one who truly wants to be a good person so I'm not saying oh well aren't the social seven's just somebody to be clapped at clap for this is more the desire to look good or to be good for the applause so there's not necessarily anything inherently more you know good about this 7 and the other 7 it's just that their need is met in a different way this social setting kind of has the insatiable which means gluttonous insatiable desire to be admired for their goodness now isn't that a humbling thought that does not make me feel good to realize that about myself is that I want to be thought of as a good guy so badly that and so here's here's the keyword for this social 7 sacrifice sacrifice because immediately this 7 feels their desires feels all the same gluttonous impulses that the self-preservation 7 feels but then shoves that down just like you know the the counter six shoves down their fears and puffs themself up to be powerful the the self-preservation force shoves down their pain and then let's talk about your pain instead the so this seven kind of shoves down that that need or want or impulse to either delay it or disarm it because they want to remain connected to the people that are in their life and they know that their impulse to teleport away and do what they want to do for this moment is going to separate and break up those connections and would be thought of as selfish and so I didn't do this thing I didn't take that last piece of cake aren't you proud of me aren't you aren't you a happy for me don't you admire me because of what I didn't do and that's kind of a humbling thing to realize about yourself if you're a social seven so being selfish is bad they sense the gluttony as an impulse but then decide to define themselves as anti gluttonous they would they want to focus their attention on supporting others on giving to others on easing the pain of others and so this seven can be kind of like you know a caregiver or might enter the fields of employment where they're offering help and care to others and that is a way in a sense of dealing with their own pain you know pain is not something sevens want to deal with and so the first seven just says well I'm gonna throw myself into into sensuality or throw myself into pleasure seeking as a way of distracting myself away from pain and boredom this 7 says if I'm a help to other people and I bring humor and joy and alleviate their pain then I don't have to focus on my own pain I don't have to focus on my own problems and challenges because my mission in life is to help other people take the focus off of their pain and challenges we're like the self preservation for wants to focus on your pain and help you through your pain as a way of at least we can talk about pain even if I can't talk about mine the social 7 wants to focus on alleviating pain because it distracts me away from having to deal with painful things in my own life okay it's a little nuance difference from the 4 so this 7 exists to serve the group and to stay connected to the to the important people in their life so this 7 can look like it to the last 7 what did I say did I say what they can look like the last 7 is the 7 that can look like a hedonist okay hedonism which is going to put you at odds with most religions in the world I didn't say what that 7 could look like I don't know if I had that in my notes but this 7 can look like a 2 and can look like a 1 a 2 because oh I'm here to serve others I'm here to take care of others and I'm gonna laugh and joke up and even they're laughing and joking is in a sense to like bring relief weathers and to help you know smooth the gears of life and make things a little more palatable about life and so they're there to serve and therefore the group and let's all take the kids to the museum and let's do this fun thing for the kids and they can look like a1 because they want to do the right thing and be good and be thought of as good rather than just throwing themselves headlong into all their hedonistic desires so they want to support the group and give to others they're motivated to give more than to take and they expect that that relationship is going to be reciprocal since I gave and since I sacrificed once you guys now sacrifice and and admire me and let me know how important I am to you because look at all the things I gave up when I decided to you know be present with you today ok so they will take care of me they want to help by bringing healing and easing pain in this world they can be very visionary enthusiastic inspire and motivate others they can also use their inspirational tools to manipulate others they can talk people into things talk people into you know going off into ventures that maybe are not in the other person's best interest all right they want to be recognized for their sacrifice and for the contribution that they've made they need admiration they need applause and they strive to hide their gluttonous impulses behind altruistic behaviors so you know they may take a job like a minister they may take a job like a nurse or a doctor they may take a job you know humanitarian because they want to think of themselves as helpful good people which they can be I'm not saying they're not I'm just saying their orientation is toward gluttony all right but I want to I want to move away from that impulse and I want to take care of other people instead and everybody hope you know me as somebody who's a humanitarian and a person that cares for others don't know me as a glutton okay so they want to be anti gluttonous this action of serving others in a sense kind of purifies this sevens guilt for feeling all those impulses like they feel guilty for feeling those impulses that are seven so they strive to kind of like go in the opposite wait which is counter counter seven and not act on those do the right thing do the good thing act like a one act like a two and then once you appreciate how I behaved like an adult I didn't behave like an adolescent I behaved like an adult and now everything's gonna be okay right so they sacrifice but in a sense it's still in their own self-interest to do so it's not necessarily because they are really taking care of others but it's kind of like Savin our own conscience that we're being sacrificial at the end of the day we hope it's reciprocated with admiration so if I'm giving something to you with the expectation that you're going to give me something back in return is it really fair to call that giving there's a challenge there for you so this 7 needs to go to 5 maybe to learn that sometimes connections are not necessary sometimes connections can be counterproductive and that maybe it's okay sometimes to just say you know what it's okay for my kids to do what they want to do today and for me to do what I want to do today and it's not selfish for me to just maybe sit for two hours and watch TV because I might start to feel selfish to me like I'm being gluttonous if I were to eat the last piece of cake or if I were to watch TV I don't necessarily have to like a to go behind everybody and connect and make sure everything's okay maybe it's okay learn from a five that some connections you can just kind of let go of for a while and they'll be alright so enthusiastic this 7 you know feels the need to share what's going on in their life and what they know and what they are passionate about like if they discovered the eating gram they might want to make youtube videos and share with the world you know this helpful information they can be very idealistic wouldn't it be a better world if everybody understood the intagram and understood who they were and social skills I'm not afraid of a camera put me on YouTube put me around the world social skills okay those three things really typify this seven enthusiasm idealism and social skills they can be visionaries joyful avoid conflict and fear commitment now who are some people that illustrate you know this kind of 7s in our world first person I think of is probably Phil on on Modern Family Phil on Modern Family is a good example I think Clark Griswald on Christmas vacation would fit this description and when Robin Williams played patch Adams in that movie patch Adams or even the character he played in Dead Poets Society I think could be good examples of this kind of seven maybe joy on inside-out would be and honestly this seven and the next seven I think it's very hard sometimes with characters to know which is which so yeah the Jimmy Jim Carrey's the Jim Fallon's I mean Jimmy Fallon's I can see them here and I can also see them on the next one so let's just move to the next one and we'll talk about those characters when we get to the next one the sexual seven the sexual seven I think is the most childlike okay meaning that they can kind of get sort of caught up in their fantasy and not necessarily want to deal with the world the way it is so that's where this seven could go to the five and say you know how are things really what's the real data you know what is the state of this family what is the state of this company what is the state of this organization and this seven may not really want to face the truth of the data that's in front of them because they stay focused in sort of an idealistic utopian idea of the way things ought to be where everybody gets along and there is no problems and everything's funny and there's no crisis and everybody's got candy and there's nothing to be upset about and they can get kind of lost in rose-colored glasses rose-colored glasses that's this seven they see the world as though it is the way it is in their mind they want to live in Candyland and they think that everybody out there you know has that same kind of Peter Pan never lay in Candyland kind of and there's they're shocked and surprised when they realize you know that the people around them maybe have been taking advantage of them they don't want to face the problems or the challenges you know that might be right in front of them they don't want to believe those terrible things they want you know for everybody to be upbeat and happy and joyful and fun and that's why I say look at the Jimmy Fallon's okay look at Jim Carrey in the Truman Show where he lives in this alternate universe this alternate reality where everything's okay and everything's look at the Ace Ventura is you know it's it's just kind of this fake Disney Channel life right where everybody's upbeat and everybody you know the biggest problems are that you weren't a good enough friend to me Jack Skellington off of The Nightmare Before Christmas who is depressed he's depressed when he looks at the world the way it is he's depressed but then when he discovers Christmas everybody's gonna love this this is something to get excited about this is something to be enthusiastic about sevens can look depressed you may think oh my goodness my seven are supposed to be such happy happy upbeat people but when you look at them you might see depressed and if they don't feel like they have something to Rev their mind on they've got five in the need ten and they look at the world the way it is and we got to go to work we have to have jobs and we have to pay bills and insurance and dentists and cancer and disease we can become we can become like Jack Skellington you know at the beginning of the movie depressed down defeated and then we discovered Christmas and we love it when something's exciting and we can make things exciting I think of Miguel and Coco right he wants to be a guitar player and that's all he can think about he's got five and he needs ten and he's overcome with this desire to do whatever it takes think of Ariel The Little Mermaid she's got everything you could ever want in this cave she's got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty who's it some what signal or thingamabobs we got them all we got five we got six we got seven oh but there's one thing I need oh there's just one more thing what a glutton they're doing a play and and all the other mermaids are there and who's the star of the show that I thought had uttered that at that aerial but she's not there why she teleported she teleported away to a better there four sevens there is always better than here how can you be present to life if you're not here here's the thing sevens you want happiness sevens just want to be happy here's the reality the shocking reality happiness only exists in the present happiness is always right here but if you're not here you can't feel happiness you can't experience happiness if you're stuck in the future or you're stuck in the past then you're not present to what's going on right in front of you and so you can't have happiness unless you can be fully present in what you're doing little mermaid at the beginning of the movie is she happy no she's not happy she's distressed because of what she doesn't have Miguel and Coco is he happy no he's distressed because all these ones and the family and all these nines that go along with the ones you know are forcing him to squelch his dreams his dreams that's why sevens are called dreamers and which one of the sevens is the most likely to be a dreamer when you see a dreamer when you see a dreamy childlike wonder seven that's probably the sexual seven okay when you see the seven buckling down and doing the right thing and being a good person and I've got to take care of people and it's probably a social seven when you see a seven that's got the pedal to the floor and ain't looking for nothing but a good time and you know they're got the pedal to the floor let's just say that is probably a self preservation seven okay so if the self-preservation is earthy and the social seven is let's say grounded okay this seven is sort of heavenly and I don't mean heavenly like religious although that's very possible but heavenly in the sense of like their head is stuck in the clouds they're kind of like dreamlike I'll give you another good example a great example of this seven Michael Scott you ever watch The Office Michael Scott is this set he is a seven for sure and I would say he's this seven because he doesn't want to pay attention to the way things really are in the office in his mind he has an overly idealistic interpretation of his relationship with all those people in the office they all love him they think he's the best boss ever we all go out after work and get cocktails together and he has this idealistic impression in his mind as to what the way the world ought to be and even the way it is it's rose-colored glasses and the whole show is about things not living up to his expectations and how frustrating that is and then he how he has to reframe everything that happens to him in order to not lose this overly idealistic vision of the environment that he works in and of the relationships that he has people in that office are enduring his leadership because he's not present he's not focused on what the actual mission of that company is he's stuck in his fantasy or in his dreamlike state as to the way things ought to be well everybody's chummy everybody's friendly and he's the special privileged person in that circle and he stuck to that interpretation of the way things are so that he can't be present to the to the way things actually are and you know the whole show is about the chaos that creates and how everybody loves him at the end of the day because he's so we know he tries he's trying to just be positive and upbeat he's trying to keep humor in the workplace but at the same time he it can be quite annoying to work with as well and again sevens may be unaware of the pain that they caused in this world um also I think Kramer is a seven I'm not sure which seven he is but Seinfeld I think Kramer's is seven as well probably the self-preservation seven all right so this seven has extreme optimism it's you know that that love is blind okay you heard that saying love is blind well this seven kind of has those same glasses that a person has when they're in love where they just don't see the flaws they just don't see them this seven kind of like walks through the world like not necessarily wanting to focus on they might see them but they're not gonna want to focus on those flaws and how to solve them it's more like like how to minimize them how to move away from those and how to maximize or turn around difficult things in to make them more positive so this seven can have a very hard time taking in negative information and probably going to reframe most of life most of the negative things of life and what by reframing you know what we mean is well that actually probably worked out for the good when really it didn't work out for the good it was a terrible thing and we ought to just sit with the pain of it being terrible but that's not comfortable to sit with the pain of being terrible so we try to come to the point where well actually now when I look at and think about it from this perspective you know if I check my brain out and I and I think of it like a robot then actually it wasn't that bad and so sevens can sometimes in their quest to move away from pain the fear of pain always ask this to not what are people running toward but what are they running away from when you're running toward pleasure okay everybody can see that you're running you're chained you're upping the environment you're upping the energy you have a constant need to be humorous to be liked to be admired to to be on the receiving end of pleasure okay that's what you're running toward what is you running away from most of life because a lot of life is not pleasurable it's not fun but it's important you know it's responsibility listen to this seven sounding like a one I said this seven the social seven can sound a little bit like a one or two oh I know the self-preservation seven can seem a little bit like an eight because they're gonna go do what they want to do all right and they can seem a little bit like a six because there's an anxiety within them that we're missing out we need we need we need to go we need we need to get some more we there's that anxiety of like hey they have a sale right now and I'm missing it there's a sale I only got five and they've got the other five on sale and I'm missing out and so that anxiety I've I got to go get in the car and let's go get those other five or I'm never gonna be okay it's that six and then that anus of that seven of and I don't care what you say I'm going I don't care how much it cost I'm spending the money so that first seven can look like a six and can look like an eight my seven the social setting can look like a one and two pish-posh don't you envy me okay and then this seven you know can kind of look like I think a nine especially the nine wing one sort of kind of caught in a dream like state and life is happening to these sevens to some degree and I think this 7 could look a little bit like a four because they have like an overly romantic view of the way things ought to be an over idealistic view romantic idea of what love is going to be and how popular they're gonna be and how liked they're gonna be and they can kind of look at the world sort of like from that overly romanticized idea similar to maybe a four so they imagine that things that are lively and fun and energetic and then they act accordingly to escape the unpleasantness of this life they can live in the happy world that they create in their heads and they want to know that everything is going to get okay and I'm not gonna get stuck in all these negative feelings if I'm okay and you're okay and we're okay then everything's okay right they could be visionaries they can have a tendency to live in their imagined reality and not deal with the problems that are right in them and this seven needs to go to five to observe the way things actually are and the real data and not just you know their imagined data or the way they'd like for things to be so they can plan and improvise a lot they want to sample all of life's goods things which I think all sevens have in common they can be passive-aggressive they don't want to miss out on anything no sevens really enjoy conflict although I think the first one the self-preservation will probably bring more conflict and deal with conflict because they have that eight you know energy a little more that'd probably be a little bit more like and sixes can deal with conflict too so probably the sexual and the social are going to be the most abhorrent to conflict the self-preservation is probably going to be a little bit more nimble on their feet when it comes to conflict and a little more okay with conflict so I said what Michael Scott Olaf won't it be great in summer summer's gonna be great won't it be great in summer won't be great summer is gonna be great that's a pretty idealistic view for a snowman you know to think summers gonna be great aerial Jack Skellington Jimmy Fallon Jim Carrey Miguel and like I said you know maybe Jim Carrey Jimmy Fallon maybe I've got them wrong maybe they you know this goes on I mean there's a lot so many comedians Dick Van Dyke and you know so many comedians that we could put in the 7 category that it's hard sometimes to know the difference I think between the social and the sexual it's just it seems a little slight nuanced I would say if you see a 7 that looks like they're grown up raising a family working every day kind of looks like a 1 you know that's probably the social 7 if you got the 7 that's like on TV and making everybody laugh and the comedian it could very well be the sexual 7 you know and if you've got the 7 that is you know the rocker the the live in life to the fullest sort of you know the adolescent you know you might have a self preservation 7 a little bit more or less care to the wind throw to the wind you know and get what I need to get what I want now again what every time I do these videos you know to the degree that you don't demonstrate these quote-unquote negative characteristics then you should be proud of yourself I've been hard on all of the sevens right I'm hard on everybody because the india gram is hard on us all i mean it's in our wounds that were healed it's by seeing our cracks you know that that we have opportunity to grow so if you feel like you know this video might be a little bit hard on you or wasn't a hundred percent it's never gonna be a hundred percent but if it's a little bit hard on you then to the degree that you don't exhibit those behaviors then we're all proud of you great job you're resisting the impulses and the compulsions within you that would separate you and isolate you from others and break your connections with others so we're very proud of you for resisting those impulses and for acting on those impulses to love others and to be present with others and to be present with everyday and care for people and to do all those noble virtuous things then we're very proud of you for exhibiting those behaviors instead of the lesser behaviors okay man I'm exhausted so be present a life force Evans what does that mean ultimately what it means is the better there is not always better than here here is better when here is nurtured if you could be fully present to here and enjoy the five you have and not focus on the five you don't have the five you have could bring you a lot of joy and if you're continually focused on there you're never able to be here and happiness is only found here be present to life guys see you next time

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 23,082

Rating: 4.9228649 out of 5

Keywords: enneagram, enneagram type 7, enneagram type seven, subtypes, enneagram subtypes, instincts, enneagram instincts, family, marriage, home, parenting, relationships, personalities

Id: j6aKe4aSXKk

Length: 57min 24sec (3444 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 21 2020