Enneagram: The High/Low Side of Type 1

hey guys how's it going dr. Liu hue here welcome glad you're visiting my channel and today we're gonna talk about the high side and the low side of type 1 or what you might say the paths of integration the what they look like under stress what they look like when they're relaxed what they look like when they're healthy what they like when they're unhealthy there's a lot of ways to talk about this but I think the high side low side or you know there's a good way of thinking about it all of us go from time to time between our high side and our low side I like to think of it kind of like this that you know each one of us lives in a cabin and we live on the cabin you know and and that's our that's our Enneagram type or our number so for example today we're talking about type 1 they live in the one cabin and next to them on either side are their neighbors on one side there's the 9 and on the other side there's the 2 and the one can borrow from their neighbors they can borrow the you know the laid-back characteristics of the 9 they can relax when you know and not take everything so seriously not take themselves so seriously when they need to they can lean on that neighbor whenever they need to borrow from that neighbor but that's not where they live they live in the one cabin they can lean over to the neighbor you know the the number two and they can pick up some of those characteristics when they need to you know being helpful using their goodness and their attention to detail to benefit other people's lives to be helpful to other people and to step up to the plate and give their resource away and their strength away to others and you'll find that each of us we tend to lean more on one neighbor than the other or depend more on one neighbor than the other but we can all learn to you know become comfortable depending on both neighbors and then when you know things get really bad and they get under stress they go down to the bottom of the hill where the outhouse is and they you know they go to for the one they go to the four and they pick up you know kind of the worst characteristics or the negative characteristics of the four and they they just need to observe themselves that that's where they're at they don't need to stay there in that outhouse and then they can go back up to their cabin back up to to their their their normal place of life when they're doing great you know and they're feeling like everything's going great they can go up to the top of the hill where the orchard is and in this case for the one that would be the seven and they can pick from the fruit you know of of the seven and some of the best characteristics of the seven but they don't live there and they'll go back to the one and that's their normal place of operation but today we want to talk about those paths of integration down to the outhouse and up to the up to the apple orchard okay so let's talk about the one the one of course you know is the type that is dedicated to doing the right thing being a good person being understood and perceived to be a good person attention to details sometimes called the perfectionist or the reformer this person is an anger type and they're you know an obvious anger type in that they get frustrated I'd say frustrated is probably more the what you'd see than outright anger if you want to look for anger you know you're going to see it in the one but you tend to dissociate you know that evidence more with an eight because they tend to react and respond more where the one tries to keep a lid on it tries to you know bottle it up so that they they don't look like a bad person or an angry person so that anger kind of seeds beneath the surface more like resentment or frustration once you know can get easily frustrated with other people because other people don't take their responsibilities seriously and ones do they live with an inner critic that is constantly berating them to get up earlier stay later try harder accept responsible to step up to the plate whatever you want to call it ones feel a deep sense of responsibility to you know do the right thing take care of others put their stuff away when they're done and they really want to broadcast that or or you know enforce that they'd love to see that enforced on everybody so that anger type what what it looks like is you know people are stupid that's that's what it means to be an anger type is you kind of live with that with that underlying idea is that people do the wrong thing so eights want to push them back and work around them and let them know how stupid they are Nine's just kind of accept it and decide that it's best to just try to get along with people even if they infringe on you and do stupid things once really want to organize people manage them broadcast rules and guidelines and laws so that people are then inhibited and you know can't do stupid things so let's let's talk about what it looks like to go to the low side of one when ones are not doing well when they're under stress when they're frustrated when they're when they've hit their limit okay what does it look like well they've become less able to manage that their their reactions they're more likely to demonstrate that anger when they're under stress because it's harder to keep a lid on it when when they're frustrated they've been pushed now into a corner or their backs against the wall or they just feel like you know they can't keep it together anymore and so you'll see that anger that frustration you know the lid will come off and I like to think of ones as being like the volcano where nines are kind of the dormant volcano and eighths are kind of like those geysers you know that just kind of you know let off steam constantly ones try to keep a lid on it but when they do explode it can be it can be very critical very harsh very judgmental and ones can sometimes be unaware at what their anger is doing to people around them or how intense their anger is coming across or the impact of their anger this can also look just like rigidity and in flexibility you know they can kind of pick up that stubbornness of the nine they can be stubborn rigid inflexible you got it you got to understand that from a one's perspective they're right okay it's not like you know where some of us might go off get information and believe because we've gotten good information that this is the right opinion ones are a body type right so a body type means it's an intuition they just know in their gut that they're right now how do you convince them they're wrong you can't you know with I mean you could bring a lot of information a lot of facts and you could persuade them but they're going to go with their gut and their gut if they believe their gut is telling them and they believe their gut is a good source of information for them and so if they believe in their gut in other words they just know they just know that this is right and they just know that this is wrong if they just know that something's wrong you can talk as long as you want to talk but you're not going to convince them through your arguments until they internalize it and then in their gut believe that your arguments have one so I guess what I'm saying is when once no they're right they're gonna be really frustrated and upset when you're trying to get them to go against what they know to be right in fact they probably won't go against it they they they're probably would rather just walk out then then to go against what they believe is right they just say I'm done I'm done that's probably the response you're going to get is when you keep pushing your agenda on a one and you're trying to push them to go against what they believe in their gut to be right they're more likely to probably just step aside and say if that's the way you want it then just count me out I can't go along with that so they've become rigid and inflexible when they're upset and under pressure they may worry that you know how can I trust other people to do the job right and so they may be very skeptical that other people are going to you know really put the time attention and intensity into getting things right that they would so they may come across you know as doubtful as to whether other people are going to be able to maintain the quality that that they would that they it'd be may be hard for because they're gonna micromanage and that's gonna make them micromanagers ones are great managers if they can resist the temptation to micromanage because they want to get in there and they want to make sure things are done correctly and here and this is kind of the problem is you know people can't read your mind and so you know I guess one of the questions you want to ask a one to think about is how do you know that your way is the right way and again you just know I get that but there there are other ways to get you know what do they say there's lots of ways to skin a cat you know there's other ways to to get results and to get a project done and sometimes when the one gets really frustrated they they really can't see any other way but their way and they can become very rigid about that and that can be difficult to work with I mean obviously it can be difficult to work with because you know the rest of us never measure up and it's it's not a good feeling to feel like I don't measure up to and I'm disappointing you all the time and ones can make you feel like they let you're disappointing them all the time because you're not doing things quote/unquote right which is a nice way of saying their way and if you can just own that as a one that what you really mean is my way then maybe you can relax a little bit and realize that other people have their way of doing things - the difference is is you know most of the other Enneagram types are are a little more open to to other people's you know ideas and it might help you to be a little bit more open to other people's ways of doing things and you just take that into lease into consideration and be a little more compassionate when dealing with with other people it can be hard for once - then delegate responsibilities and when you don't delegate responsibilities then you're just taking what responsibilities so you then accept too much responsibility and that is going to increase your stress which is going to increase your anger and frustration so you've got to learn to let people do things in their own way at least a little bit their own personality their own style and so that you can then trust people to delegate responsibilities because if you don't you're going to get overwhelmed and when you get overwhelmed it's not pretty it's not pretty for you it's not pretty for the people that have to work and live with you it can be you know hard for you to believe that people are capable of meeting your high standards and the reality is is maybe they don't need to meet your high standards maybe they just need to maybe this may be okay once just try to capture this thought know when good enough is good enough that's really hard I know know when good enough is good enough it's never going to get a hundred percent it's never gonna get perfect it's never gonna get exactly the way it ought to be so maybe it doesn't have to maybe you can say that project is 80% what I would do 80% but see if somebody else does it for you and you can trust them to do it that frees you up to focus on other things and so if you've got too many irons in the fire you've got too much going on then you're likely to to not get it done perfectly either because you got too many other things to do so good enough you know in in the education world they'll say 80% is mastery in other words if you if you can master a subject to 80% then you've mastered the subject and I think it would be good for ones to sort of relax and say I don't everything doesn't have to be perfect everything doesn't have to be quote unquote my way that you know good enough sometimes is is good enough and I just have to sign off on it let it go because I can't give my time and attention 100% everything you just can't you can't give 100% of yourself to work and also 100% of yourself to your family you can't you you've got to do some give-and-take and so you have to set some priorities and say look I'm gonna focus the bulk of my attention on this and I just recognize that that means the garage isn't gonna get clean this weekend and that's okay you know not everything's gonna get labeled like I'd like it to be because I need to focus attention on my kids or I need to focus attention on my marriage or I need to focus attention on my spiritual life or I need to focus attention you know on on my on my physical health and so sometimes you're gonna have to just let some things go and that doesn't mean you need to hide them because that might be your impulses well I can't let anybody know that all of my life is not organized perfect and cleaned up and put away and restored no be okay with good enough is good enough and you know there are other things in my life that are priorities and I can't I can't manage to make everything the way you know perfect the way it ought to be because you're gonna resent people and people will end up resenting you as well when fours are under great deal of stress or when ones are under great deal of stress they kind of move to the low side of of what it means to be a type 4 you know fours are special people and fours their sin is envy ok fours you know and we'll talk about fours more and you know you can go back and you can watch my videos on fours but essentially the four is envious that everybody else seems to fit in know who they are know their identity and fours kind of feel like they're left out and they feel like they they aren't connected to the group and they don't fit in okay and all those things when when a one is under a great deal of stress they can kind of look out at everybody else and say look everybody else you know they get to go home early not me I got a stay and I gotta get all these papers done look everybody else you know they can relax and go to the birthday party and you know and have a great time not me I got to stay and I got to get all this you know these numbers sorted out and so they can kind of be envious that everybody else is having a good time everybody else can relax and everybody else can take it easy and everybody else can take you know their full vacation everybody you know they can get sort of that resentful bitter attitude that everybody else has it easy but not me because I wear this label manager or supervisor or whatever it is you've gotten yourself into you know I wear this label and I've got to do twice as much as everybody else and I can't go home at 4 o'clock or 5 o'clock like everybody else does because somebody's got to make sure somebody's got to say somebody you know that's it right there they go to that low side of 4 and they can become unusually harsh their self-confidence will drop when they're under stress they may want to escape life you know fours have a very romantic view as to what life ought to be like you know there you're gonna get swept off their feet and they're gonna end up in some mysterious you know novel with some kind of exciting romantic you know and ones when they're under stress they probably sit and look at their screen savers of beach resorts and think man why can't I just get away from this you know this cold office why can't I just get away from all this responsibility and all this headache and go sit on some beach somewhere and just sit in the Sun and relax and you know and once can kind of go to that dark you know and their darkness I should say want to just go off and live some fantasy because this life stinks you know this life is terrible this life is overwhelming and I'm depressed and it's dark and it's gray skies and never-ending pile of work that needs to be done and if I could just escape and I could just go sit on some beach and some resort somewhere then I could relax and so they kind of have that escapist Escape is a mindset you know that the four sort of lives in dissatisfied with life you know dissatisfied with the mundane fours are very dissatisfied with the mundane nature of life and ones can become very dissatisfied with all the mundane tasks and details and responsibilities that they have they feel like they're enduring and persevering but they're not really living they can become oversensitive hey there's something from the for force can be very sensitive what did you mean by that what are you implying what are you saying and when ones are stressed you know and they're doing their best and they're staying up late trying to get everything you know finished and they they turn it in and somebody looks at their their work and maybe has a little bit of a questionable comment the one might respond with what did you mean by that you know what are you implying what are you are you saying my work isn't living up the standards yeah I think about those apple trees and The Wizard of Oz are you implying that our apples aren't what they ought to be you know there's the one right there are you implying that it might work isn't up to par you know relax relax you know we're not your enemies relax get your anger you're letting to see it you know that's not good you want to be good it's not good to get that overwhelmed and that frustrated and that bitter and that angry ones can become depressed you know thinking about the for who's I don't fit in and so they they decide to you know we're all black and and walk around melancholy is a keyword 4/4 melancholy and they're okay with sadness and despair and look at that one you know everybody else goes to the picnic but they got to stay on Saturday and get all the work done and I just wish I could just throw all this and go to the beach somewhere and but I can't and so now there's frustrated and worried depressed and shameful ashamed the feeling shamed shamed I didn't get this work done shame for feeling this way you know and for is a shame type and so when ones are unhealthy they kind of move to or under stress they kind of move to the low side of for kind of the all the bad parts of what it means to be a for type one's acting out of that lower side can become self-righteous you know they can become frustrated when others don't conform to their righteous standards and righteous you know we mean by righteous the way things ought to be the way things should be and ones are very keen on Ott's and shoulds and prescribing that and forecasting that this is the way all people ought to live I think a lot of ones are probably in law enforcement you know because people need to be maintained people need to be controlled people need to follow the rules and we'll all be safe and we'll have a better environment will have good neighborhoods okay people should be punished for their bad behavior they it's it's it's not I think you know like an eight could get like antagonistic about people need to be punished for that what they've done you know I think a one is more like matter-of-fact like this is what you did and this is the consequences that's the way it is and I think a one's a little less personal about it it's more of a transaction you violated the law and so here's your ticket report to the courthouse this is just a transaction you did this so you reap what you sow okay they can focus a great deal of attention on what others ought to be doing how others ought to be behaving they can blame others excessively for what they think is wrong or imperfect well there's there you go that's not very encouraging is it if you live with a one you've probably seen all of this and maybe worse you've seen and heard you know this frustration and you try and be sympathetic to it that's good that's why you can do is try and be sympathetic and ones you need to observe this within you and learn to become sympathetic with yourself just recognize it and say oh Here I am again a one doing one things I have some compassion for yourself and say well here I go again a one acting like a one and then learn to relax and laugh at yourself and just feel the peace come back okay when you stop taking yourself so seriously you've got to stop taking yourself and everything so seriously good enough is good enough and I can't get it all done right so I'll do my best I'll do my best I'll do my best I won't get a hundred percent every time but I'll do my best and that's really healing for a one now when a one is doing well when they're healthy and they're not under so much stress and they can relax a little bit they move to the high side of seven in other words when they get out of the outhouse of a four for them the four is an outhouse they're sitting there mad and frustrated everything stinks down in the outhouse I don't have any friends or neighbors down here nobody wants to be with me down here in the outhouse just recognize I'm sitting in an outhouse this isn't my home I don't have to stay here if I don't want I can stay here as long as I want if I want to be mad mang frustrated and hurt shameful and depressed you can sit in that outhouse as long as you want to nobody who's gonna want to visit you because you're in an outhouse so when you recognize that you're sitting there just decide do I want to stay in this outhouse any longer if I don't then maybe I want to go back up to my cabin and then when things are really good and you relax you can go on all the way up to the top of the hill to the orchard and pick some of the fruit from the seven yay well let's talk about what that looks like when a one is really healthy and can relax on the high side type ones become more self-aware more supportive of others more inspiring more funny funny relaxed compassionate and even heroic one strive to be virtuous and to be good people they want to do a good job and they want to look good but not in the same sense like if three they want to look like they're good people they don't necessarily do things to be seen by others but they want to have integrity there you go they want to be seen as people of integrity but they don't necessarily need everybody's applause just a simple pat on the back saying hey you did a great job that's probably enough to propel a 1 to keep going they don't need you know your giant words of a clue of accolades or admiration just just a recognition that they did a good job emotionally intelligent ones temper their seriousness about quality and standards with a balance toward levity and humor ok so they're not in other words they lighten up they lighten up and they start to laugh at themselves at their work at others and they bring a little more levity into the situation they dedicate themselves to and there's their strong commitment and hard work and success to the organization and not just what a great job I did but they they tend to you know think more in terms of the whole group and and of of the team and they can moderate there need to be right and listen to more ideas and to listen to other people's perspective they can when they get in touch with their anger they can not be so angry now that sounds strange doesn't it but when you get in touch with your anger and you recognize man I'm angry right now then you can kind of let off some of that anger and not be so angry with yourself and so judgmental and harsh with yourself and with others and learn to channel it more constructively into into more productivity they can laugh at themselves and soothe their inner critic and have compassion on themselves and others when they're healthy they're their critic their inner critic gets a little bit less a little quieter and they kind of hush that inner critic they open up like a seven they open up to more variety and more possibilities and more alternate ways of doing things one of the things that's true about sevens is they look for a variety they want a sample every thing they want to try everything in life ones don't ones like what they like and that's it but when ones are healthy and relaxed they can take on a little bit of that sampling attitude saying well maybe my way is not the best way maybe there are something better than maybe there's another way an alternate way I should listen to other people's opinions I should hear what else is out there what else I might be missing I might I might grow by finding out how others think this ought to be done so they open up to a wider variety of possibilities and they're black and white rigidity right and wrong black-and-white becomes more like a seven more gray more grayscale you know I hate to say it but sevens live with because I am a seven sevens live with the mentality that whatever helps you sleep at night Who am I to say you do you right and ones don't they don't live that way they don't think that way they think in right is right and wrong is wrong okay I can appreciate that but when ones are healthy and less under stress they kind of adopt a little bit more of that seven this seven ish way of thinking of saying other people have a right to do things their way other people you know it's not my business it's to each his own live and let live whatever however you want to say it is the black and white rigidity becomes a little bit more grayscale they become more optimistic sevens live in optimism sevens it's always half-full right sevens will reframe everything into a positive way of looking at life they want to stay away from sadness and sevens have their own weaknesses which we'll talk about in the seven video but for once instead of getting frustrated and angry and upset and I can't trust people and this isn't gonna work out right and they're not gonna do it right everything is gonna be wrong that it's all gonna fail I don't give 110 percent they can relax a little bit and they become a little more optimistic and they start reframing things in a more positive way of looking at it they become more optimistic they become more spontaneous sevens are spontaneous let's do this let's do that let's do this let's do that let's go now right now right now and ones can become a little more spontaneous when they are not under the gun when they're not so under pressure they can become more spontaneous more optimistic more fun-loving more easygoing and a pleasure to be around without the negatives of the seven they can become more upbeat more humorous not take themselves so seriously willing to let themselves look foolish like a seven and be a little bit of a clown and bring a little bit of the beach to the office bring a little bit of the vacation to the family and to the office so I've enjoyed this video I hope you have too I hope it's encouraging to you if you're a 700 self let yourself relax realize you're never gonna get it 100% perfect do your best leave the results it's not gonna be the end of the world everything isn't put away perfectly done perfectly no matter how perfect it is one day you're gonna lay this life down and it's gonna be over so you can't fix everything you can't you know stop every bad thing from happening and think about the life you want to live and you know the people that you want to share it with and you know they don't always need a dad looking over their shoulders you know ready to scold them for any little infraction that they might occur they also want a friend and a playmate somebody to laugh with and all that is in you it is it's in you you know it's there you just gotta let it come forth let it shine forth all right one it's a great personality we're glad you're on the team and be present to life don't be so frustrated or over everything that isn't done exactly right quote unquote your way that you can't be present and accept things with and even enjoy things that it may be done differently than the way you would do it alright I'll see you guys next time blessings

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 28,345

Rating: 4.9027948 out of 5

Keywords: Enneagram, Family, love, relationships, home, personalities, parenting, type 1, type one, enneagram type 1

Id: Zw1RN0QgI8s

Length: 32min 41sec (1961 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 21 2020