Enigma in a Twinkie: Best of Newman

what is this guy again they call him a cleaner he makes problems go away what are you guys doing here we're getting vasectomies hi I'm doing it for you do we own Bermuda no it belongs to the British lucky Krauts ah look I'm sorry to bother you but but I'm a US postal worker and my mail truck was just ambushed by a band of backwoods mail hating survivalists hello Jay may I come in what do you want huh nothing shipping us a rickshaw I can't miss yes it can start out with one and then when it catches on we're gonna have a whole fleet it's the romance of the hansom cab without the guilt or dander of the equine something happened that changed us in a very deep and profound way from that day forward it isn't he spit on us and I screamed out I'm at then I turned and the spit ricocheted off him and it hit me you see my dear all certified mail is registered but registered mail is not necessarily certified listen to you talk about mail all day anything you wish I'll tell you a little secret about zip cones they're meaningless what took you so long deed was I don't worry about a thing 20 minutes that place will be swarming with mail men will be back on the street by lunch I see many dogs on my mail route I'll bet there's not one type of mutt or mongrel I haven't run across if you ask me they have no business living amongst us vile useless now that's true of course nobody needs mail well beware you think you're so clever finger and I went out but you don't know the half of what goes on here so just walk away Kramer I beg of you how I've waited for this moment but alas my heart belongs to another man's wife and I have given the coat to her all right we're done here well I am in love with Svetlana and I don't care if the whole world knows except for Silvio who throw me out of the apartment where I would be dancing let's go thank you well you're gonna have to cancel it because I've told everybody about my party cancel think again Longshanks I started planning this in 1978 I put a deposit down on that revolving restaurant that overlooks Times Square and I booked Christopher Cross I had gone up to Westchester I go there every Tuesday I do charity work with the blind Jerry Jerry Jim yeah Jerry Jerry yeah we find the defendants guilty butter creaming butter hey buddy your pace by Chuck chop I hit the wall I gotta take a break well don't tarry I'm behind schedule as it is fine boy back I may have a solution to our little problem Elaine would you excuse us oh you know I have a private matter to discuss with my fellow tenants if you don't mind Jerry look sister go get yourself a cup of coffee all right but you must promise that you will abide by my decision no matter how unjust it may seem to either of you do I have your word oh yeah all right let's begin my cocoa anyway I don't need your help oh don't you jump boy you really think you can manipulate that beautiful young woman like the half south nightclub rabble that lap up your inane observations the thing about fleas is that they irritate the skin and they start to itch oh maybe you can hold out five seconds or ten maybe fifteen or twenty but after one no matter how much willpower a person may have it won't matter because they're crawling crawling on your skin lay up your spine all right well what do you think the hobos are doing I don't know they're deranged this guy is nothing better than suppressed you are nothing but a piece of crap a piece of crap a piece of crap I'm extremely hungry I find you extremely ugly do you you admit a foul and unpleasant odor you limit a foul and unpleasant odor oh is that right got a nice song smackers I'll make you cry then let me ask you this don't you find it interesting that your friend had the foresight to purchase postal insurance for your stereo huh I mean parcels are rarely damaged during shipping define rarely frequently are we about through here no man it's pretty hot under these lights Seinfeld pretty hot actually I'm quite comfortable privacy no not gonna play ball what is that Raqqah yeah it's the wood that makes it good real uh-huh stop driver I'm with people yeah yeah and thanks for inviting me I did invite you your invitation must have gotten lost in the mail I'll never get to Hawaii I'll be stuck in this apartment building forever the dream is dead you're giving up that easy I usually do we used to go out toodaloo hmm and I see you again Margaret by Jerry fun down system of articles these boxes show up at the post office with no labels no labels Jerry no don't hi Chameli you're supposed to deliver my calzones we had a deal I believe the deal was that I get your calzones on my route well today I won't be going on my route well I perhaps tomorrow but I'm paying you sometimes I ponder this silly gulf between us and I say why are we really so different for what is another one doing the cooking Newman damn you sign phone you're useless pustule hey I can't find his photos anywhere you know what happened some guy from the post office confiscated him he left his card Numan my sham oh yeah you know you're just panting I got a free sample evany with my junk mail well there really is no junk mail Oh everybody wants gonna check or a birthday card oh it requires just as much manpower to deliver is there there there crunches little greeting cards all right let's excellent excellent you got a Super Bowl yes I am a guy in my mail room just got a couple of tickets and he offered one to me what's his name Tim Watley that's my ticket is it oh well if only you'd known you could have saved some time and giving it directly to me okay what is it here take a look at this car tell me if you notice anything unusual about it yeah your nipples showing okay thanks anything else no all right see you later it's called mail fraud oh how I've longed for this moment Seinfeld the day when I would have the proof I needed to haul you out of your pushy lair and expose you to the light of justice yeah as the monster that you are monster so far bill uh be a small fine does your girlfriend have to be here does yours and then on the afternoon of September 10th you received a phone call did you not phone call yes a phone call from who from me from you yes from a prepare call you remember called me yes I called you you idiot because you're going to you going to you let me back in the back across the back you got to fight me I didn't get the transfer they knew it wasn't me doing my route how do they know too many people got their mail close to 80% nobody from the post office has ever cracked a 50% barrier that's like a three million mile I tried my best exactly you're a disgrace to the uniform you know this is your coat damn I love broccoli it's good for you really then maybe you'd like to have a piece gladly fireweed alright alright alright you go ahead you go ahead you keep it secret but you remember this when you control the mail you control information alright but hear me and hear me well the day will come oh yes mark my words Seinfeld your day of reckoning is coming when an evil wind will blow through your little play world and wipe that smug smile off your face well I'll be there in all my glory watching watching as it all comes ah we ask you something but what do you do for a living them from the United States postal worker alright does the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody sometimes why is that because the mail never stops it just keeps coming and coming and coming this number line up it's relentless every day that piles up more and more and more you gotta get it out but the more you get out the mortgage coming in the end of the bar code reader breaks Publishers Clearing House just take the records or in the bedroom take them take anything you want

Channel: License to Review

Views: 1,685,509

Keywords: seinfeld, kramer, newman, costanza, elaine, best, enigma, twinkie, in, George, Jerry, mail

Id: slCTBm9n4W4

Length: 13min 24sec (804 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 10 2013