Kramer & Mickey: A Lifelong Friendship | Seinfeld

rock paper scissors match all right rock beats paper i thought paper covered rock ah rock flies right through paper but what beats rock nothing beats rock oh how's work on you guys let's not even talk about it you got a job yeah mickey he hooked me up wears stand-ins for the actors on all my children mickey he's a stand-in for an eight-year-old kid and i stand in for the kid's father but i got a big problem the kid i stand in for he's grown he was four feet last month now he's like four two and a half he shot up two and a half inches i could do four two or three's a stretch any higher than that i'm gonna be out of my ass doing that paralegal crap how do you stop a kid from growing i told you you should offer them some cigarettes [Applause] i offered him cigarettes but his stupid mother's always hanging around she won't let him have any how long you gonna be away for daddy [Laughter] i'm not really going away i told you i'd be back every other weekend don't go daddy don't go now listen porter you know your mother and i love you very much but sometimes people fall out of love now give me a big hug okay that's lunch everybody one hour how do those lips feel quiet hi guys hey tammy hey you look different have you been working out not that i know of whatever it is you're doing keep doing it you look great how about lunch oh i can't today but um i sit in our future see you kramer oh she likes you buddy yeah i mean yeah johnny vigiano went through my locker it's a little bastard he saw the lips in my shoes he knows i'm heightening this never would have happened if you didn't push me to get those things i told you hey nobody put a gun to your head yeah well just keep out of my business you big ape what do you call him big behave yourselves i'm sorry it's all right it's all right you're stressed out why does this guy johnny have it in for you oh he's always been jealous of me i always get the stand in for the bigger stars the cosby kids ricky schroeder mccully culkin what's he like her he's a good kid yeah well so what does he care if you put lips in you don't understand there's an unwritten code about this kind of thing i could be ostracized i remember when i was a kid some guy tried to heighten he lost his job lost his friends everything i knew i was crazy to try this kind of thing but i was so desperate what is this kid taking anyway hormones steroids what'd you tell me rock paper scissors match rock rock paper scissors match rock rock hey bob hey what's with you you got a problem you see that look he gave me come on rock paper scissors match rock run hey tammy hello so tammy finally today's our big lunch i don't think so why not what the hell are you talking about look mickey everybody knows that's your height name it's all over the set hey wait don't touch me you ought to be ashamed of yourself all the progress we've made over the years and you go and blow it by pulling a stupid stunt like this wait a second wait a second you got me all wrong it was all because of the kid the kid was growing he shot up two and a half inches in a month i would have lost my job any one of you would have done the same you got no right i'm mickey abbott i stood in for punky brewster when all you was nothing it's all his fault it was his idea come on johnny let's go get something to eat hey elaine all right who looks better in this shirt me or mickey we're double dating tonight if we wear the same shirt we'll look like idiots hmm turn around well you're both so striking yeah tell me about it we just picked up two women at the gap how did you decide which one of you would date which girl it's a nice place really nice i like your shirt oh thank you it's 100 cotton and some wool well you uh you two seem to have the same taste well i like it too oh well i have the same shirt yeah well i'm wearing it well i like your shirt too well so do i oh did i mention i'm a serious actor really i enjoy polo i like the beach my aunt has been uh ill of late i own a tuxedo anything to drink uh some wine perhaps i like merlot i love merlot i'm crazy about merlot i live for melo we're out of merlot i don't believe that if you had gotten in the backseat of the car we could have figured this whole thing out well why were you holding the door open for not for you who holds the door open for a man well i thought it was a nice gesture but i guess i was wrong let's just put their names in a hat i don't even know their names look why don't you just take the one that was on the left i'm not sure she's my type oh everybody's your type what the hell does that mean you've been married three times that's it it's go time oh come on let him go you want to throw let's throw hold on a second [Music] all right look i got an idea why don't you just show up early for your next date sit across from each other and see who the girls sit next to that's not that all right all right so we let the girls decide yeah why should we knock ourselves out yeah i want to wear that shirt next time no no one wears a shirt next time that's right cause they already saw it we'll look like idiots what are they doing here i told you we should have got here a half hour early all right all right okay now what are we gonna do all right all right don't panic let's just decide now which one do you want all right i'll take julie i knew you wanted her that's who i wanted all right i'll take care no no you think i'm falling for that i'll take care fine i'll take julie all right which one is julie i don't know why don't we just grab a chair you first oh you first how you doing you ladies look lovely tonight mickey and i we can't work it out you know i'm thinking of asking that karen out by myself she's the one i thought you were leaning towards julie well i was but the one i thought was julie turned out to be karen hi hi kramer uh got a minute uh actually my parents are over but would you like to meet them uh mom dad oh look there's mickey and his parents oh nice looking family very handsome how you doing hey kramer you must be so proud we never thought he'd settle down well not again oh mickey excuse me i can't take this oh merry christmas everyone merry christmas wow look at you so you got the job yeah you're looking at the new santa at coleman's department is it great yeah come on get your beard on we're going to be late i'm prancer i'm dasher i'm donna it's not donna it's donner it's donna you're right i'm prancer on dancer on ethel on harry well come on little princess tell santa what you want don't be shy but she doesn't speak english oh santa speaks the language of all children oh come on hey mickey when do we get a break my lap is killing me there is no break this is like a sweatshop hey eight hours of jingle belling and ho ho ho and well i am hold out anyone who works here is a sap hey watch it pal oh you know the sad is that bloomfields are making double what you are double how about the glue from that beard itches you got that straight so when you get a rash all over your face in january you think coleman's will be there with a medical plan look you take that commie crap out to the street kramer i've got some literature in my car that will change your whole way of thinking talk to me baby don't listen to him kramer you got a good job here each according to his ability to each according to his means what does that mean well if you got means inability that's a pretty good combination so what if i want to open up a delicatessen well there are no deli contestants under communist whoa why not well because the meats are divided into a class system you've got pastrami and corned beef in one class and salami and bologna and another that's not right so you can't get corned beef well you know if you're in the polyp bureau maybe i want a racing car soon a racing car seat listen you don't want that those are assembled in taiwan by kids like you and these coleman pigs they sell it for triple the cost but i want a racing car set don't you see kid you're being bamboozled these capitalist fat cats are inflating the profit margin and reducing your total number of toys hey this guy's economy hey a nice little boy like you learn such a bad word like that huh call me call me treat it to our country santa is not a commie he just forgot how his good friend stuck his neck out for him to get him a good job like this didn't he santa is that a problem this guy hasn't caught me this is spreading propaganda oh yeah well that's enough pinko you're through the both of you i got two kids in college well you can't fire me i'm santa not anymore get your skinny ass out of here oh that was great nice job santa yeah i knew that commie stuff was gonna get us in trouble yeah well i didn't realize it was such a sensitive issue communism you didn't realize communism was a sensitive issue what do you think's been going on in the world for the past 50 years wake up and smell the coffee i guess i screwed up oh you sure did big time

Channel: Seinfeld

Views: 365,233

Keywords: seinfeld, seinfeld theme, seinfeld bloopers, jerry seinfeld, seinfeld full episodes, jerry seinfeld stand up, seinfeld the contest, seinfeld stand up, best of seinfeld, larry david, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander, Michael Richards, Wayne Knight, Patrick Warburton, Heidi Swedberg, seinfeld best moments, Seinfeld the race, Mickey Abbott, Danny Woodburn, Mickey and Kramer, The Race, The Stand-In, The Yada Yada, seinfeld mickey, double date, santa claus

Id: Kpvout3J_IA

Length: 13min 46sec (826 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 04 2021